And I’ve Been Thinking, When the Date with ST All Turns to Dust…

March 22, 2012 § 70 Comments

…at least I shall have one consolation: that at the click of the Publish Post button, at least you lot won’t all hate me!

Because when – if? – there is an Original Plankton Happy Ending, you’re all going to think I am a turncoat and a fraud and have gone over to the Smug Side.

But I am a fuck of a l-o-n-g way from that.  (I barely dare admit, as a casual aside only, that our first date is not in fact going to be dinner but, eek, just a cup of coffee.  Though he has been sending me emails since I posted yesterday, so… well, today, I am thinking, cautiously optimistic, that at the very least he may actually turn up and not stand me up?  And Charlotte googled him and his picture kept popping up on her screen and wouldn’t go away and she has taken this as a good omen.  We hope!)

As for a vaguely happy ending (with this man or any other, for that matter), let alone a lasting one: well, almost certainly never, though maybe one day an inkling of one before I’m in a bloody box.  But if that were to happen – me going over to the Smug Side?  Me?  I hope never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, even if I were ever to get married again, to a Greek God: still never.

I can see Smug would have its temptations, even its charms, but life has knocked me about just too, too much for me ever to let it in.

That at least I can promise you.

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§ 70 Responses to And I’ve Been Thinking, When the Date with ST All Turns to Dust…

  • Lydia says:

    If he’s been sendingl ots of emails he is interesting so it will be fine. if you find someone that’s great. Everyone will be pleased. I would continue to argue that many many people are just as happy single as with someone though. I’ve never accepted the premise that personal happiness is limited to being in a relationship.

    I saw the widower last night. It was quite good until the end and I can’t now decide what I want so I’ll tread water and keep looking at other possibilities. I can see other women snapping him because he ticks conventional boxes but you need more than that and perhaps the more than that may be there. I suspect not this morning but we’ll see. I didn’t like the turn of the conversation at the end once we’d agreed to meet again about the logistics for sex, STD checks etc. It’s not that I don’t think those things matter (they do and they show he’s responsible etc) but it made it feel more like a transaction (as I said). Perhaps I just didn’t fancy him.

    • fi says:

      Well they do matter, but its very…..practical I suppose. It would put me off someone to be honest. I think because its the assumption that you will be having sex without even having met each other let alone decided if you fancy and like each other. Very transactional. A bit like sending the bull into the field to service the heifer. :)

    • Lizzie says:

      Uughh. Definitely off-putting.
      He is assuming sex is on the agenda. He is handling future meetings as if they were a business proposition where he has to cover all bases. It reeks of multi-tasking.
      I can just imagine him using the same lines to multiple women and embarking on a merry-go-round of instant gratification. Just because he can. I’d steer clear.

    • Elle says:

      Widowers are arguably the most desirable group of older men because they have been married and have therefore demonstrated a willingness to commit but don’t have the bitterness and baggage of divorce. He’s probably beating them off with a s***ty stick! Perhaps he has forgotten the nuances and niceties of seduction because he’s so spoilt. Like a rock star with groupies. At least he’s being careful and is willing to discuss STD checks etc. It may seem clinical but isn’t it better than somebody declaring that they have herpes at a crucial moment?

      • Elle
        fi and I were having a discussion over at theprivateman and I introduced her (rhetorically) to “Best Case Mike”. Mike is a my close friend (as is his brother), 61, and a bachelor. Portly but handsome despite it, full head of hair with no grey (I can usually tell when guys do dye their hair; if he does, it’s done very well) , well off (he lives in California-it’s hard to be that way). He’s met a 52 year old woman who is brother tells me is great, a real find. They’re discussing her moving in, but as Mike tells it to me there is a sticking point-she wants to change the furniture. Now, Mikes furniture is expensive, nice, even exquisite, but none, and I mean none of it matches. I do not know all the styles except in his living room he has a teak Scandavian style coffee table, right across from his largest sofa which I’d call “early Victorian mentally ill grandma”. It is a luminescent robin’s egg blue with a very faint design which I initially thought were flowers but are in fact cherubs. Yes, and one or two have the outline of the crack of their arse (that’s what you call it I understand). No, you say-well I’ve taken a nap or 2 on it. He watches “Mad Man” and there is another smaller sofa that he must imagine represents 1950′s style but manages to be revolting and spare at the same time. His master bedroom (he’s proud of it BTW-he’s been a bachelor a little too long I’ll grant you) replicates a 2nd rate motel room. Anyway, his brother and I are cracking up about this; Dave has been married longer than I have (38 years) and knows full well once a woman resides in a home the home reflects her sensibilities and she will become very tired explaining to her friends when they visit (oh yes-it’s that bad) “this is all his” or alternatively, trying to be civil when one remarks “I didn’t know you had an insane Victorian grandmother.”

        All to say if widowers are the best, bachelors are the worst if he’s any example.

      • EmGee says:

        @tvm’s post:
        None of my stuff matches either, but it’s cozy – on the other hand, this is one instance where I will admit women have a genetic predisposition to nest, and she will never fell comfortable living in a home filled with “his shit” and won’t feel at home until it is furnished with “her stuff” (<– St George Carlin reference, there.) -no matter how tastefully his place is decorated. I also firmly believe that he must insist on his man cave where he can luxuriate, sprawl, loll, and otherwise wallow; in his 'stuff' (no gurls allowed!). BF and I get cheap larfs over the 'my stuff'/ 'your shit' conundrum all the time. Makes telling him he needs to clean up after himself easier to swallow (it's the Asperger's, he isn't a slob by any means).

      • I should point out that money is not the issue; Mike is the original “guy who knows the guy”. If he pays 1/4 retail he’s off his game. He likes it his way. Mike has also gotten a more than a little “old maidy”; he has a glass kitchenette table, but if anyone (guys) looks like he’s about to lay a Bud bottle on it he rushes in with a coaster like the house will blow up. Look,, you can spin this as normal any way you want (everything here appears to be subject to dispute, qualification, reducio ad absurdum, exception -finding-are you sure you’re not all solicitors if not barristers?) but Mike’s take is the result of never living intimately with a woman and not understanding how it is. It’s a process of responsibility sharing in a sense. For example, my wife decides: 1) where we live; 2)how many children we have; 3) what I do for a living; 4) how we spend our money; and 5) what we do in our spare time. That allows me to focus on the important things.

      • EmGee says:

        “…he rushes in with a coaster like the house will blow up. ”
        I appreciate a guy who takes care of his stuff, unlike guys who trash their shit like ‘it’s no big deal, I can get another, even better [snaps fingers]“. Maybe it’s because I was raised amongst phlegmatic Germans in the mid-midwest, but you take care of what you have, waste not, want not.

        I decide: 1) where I live; 2)how many children I have [0]; 3) what I do for a living; 4) how I spend my money; and 5) what we do in our spare time (this one is up for grabs, I love a good caper). That allows me to focus on the important things.

        ^ Why I am now hanging onto my singleness, with singleness of purpose: after my husband pissed it all away, then died by his own hand.

        God knows, I went into that marriage thinking it would be like what you and Mrs Munsen apparently have (w/out the illness, mind you), but it doesn’t always turn out the way we planned. I don’t have another long term marriage-type commitment left in me, to be honest.

        Anyway, I hope you’re hanging in there healthwise Munsie.

      • Brigitte says:

        I just got a message from my gorgeous 50 year old from the dating site and he’s a widower. I believe one of his children may have died as well. He is very intense and determined to meet me. I just hope his wife and child didn’t die just recently or my heart may be in for a crash and burn.

      • Elle says:

        TVM, I hope today is a good day for you.

        Mike sounds lovely and he shouldn’t change his furniture if he doesn’t want. His apartment sounds like a hotch-potch of styles like you’d find in an antique shop. A woman with true style could pull this together in a subtle and gradual way by adding soft furnishings and moving things around a teeny bit. If Mike is clean and tidy then he’s a gem and should be forgiven for some of his bad taste.

        A bachelor’s apartment is his territory and if he’s beyond the nesting/starting a family stage a woman would be unwise to make many changes without his permission (or letting him think the changes are his idea).

        I would imagine that moving in with a widower could be worse because his house would be filled with influences of his late wife which might spook any other woman out. No matter how much he might care for the new woman he might prefer to keep the place as his late wife left it.

        Perhaps living apart together is the best solution – both partners have their own place and spend weekends and the odd night together.

      • EmGee
        You are overeading (everyone doo these days). You are conflating normal, althy positive hygiene which I not only support but, up until my illness, I did. When my wife hh to work Satrudays , I cleaned the house, toilets, floors, dusting,, everything -it took six hours. Everyone these days takes an all or nothing approach-if I criticize his nannie-ish behavior I must support “guys who trash their shit”-Christ is there no fucking healty middle ground any where! Tthis gets so tedious. You did that above re furniture-of course people have mismatches; his are hideous and I’m a guy whose seen a lot of bachelor pads and my standards are exceedingly low to the point of nonexistent. Do you read me and look for ways to cavil? Read my major points-we don’t disagree. But regular guys do not get excited if a beer bottle gets set on a fucking glass table top for a while it’s glass on glass for fucks sake. I am trying to point out that his very very picky behavior is emblematic of a lot all of the bachelors I know although he takes it the farthest. I only used hm becuase he is well off; my other bachelor friends are poor and would not be considered suitable by any woman. Now, before I get a lecture about “money doesn’t buy fucking happiness” or whatever is going to be tossed at me, I mean by poor they have shelter, sufficient food, a, tv, and a functioning car.You could not meet them online as they do not have a computer. An evening at a mid-to-high level Boise restaraunt would seriously crimp them. I used Best Case because his only flaws are a little overweight (his new gal is helping him, not by putting him on a diet (she nudges him towards eating better-gently) but by having him exercise more-she’s smart) and the fact he wants it his way re the house. I think he represents a lot that CAN (not always-I’ll quaify everthing I say fi you want) go wrong when a woman engages a bachelor of a certain age. Whew!

      • fi says:

        Tvmunson. You’re so much nicer now I’m actually liking you. Why weren’t you like this before?

      • EmGee says:

        Gosh TV, I think you took my post personally, although it wasn’t about you, and obviously you aren’t a Carlin fan, a reference that would have shown you my post was really not that hard hearted. That’s my fault for assuming an American guy would be familiar w/ and appreciate Carlin’s unique humor. Here’s a youtube link to the “stuff” monolog:
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac (warning: some people may find some of the language offensive, but there’s no f bombs)

        When my boyfriend moved in, so did an overflowing rattan bookcase, a camphorwood wall carving, 3 guitars, 1 mandolin, 2 flutes and a Marshall amp, among other things. When we set up the workshop in the garage with his bandsaw, tools, wood samples, etc, I laughed and said, if we moved a couch in here, I’d never see him again! All this and he doesn’t even live here full time.

        I judon’t care for anyone who doesn’t take care of what they have (to the best of their ability), male or female. If you don’t mind your house falling down around you because you don’t care enough to learn simple home repairs, if you’d rather live in filth than take the trash to the curb, can’t be arsed to get the oil changed in your car, etc, that’s your business. But I really don’t think you are that type either.

        All I was trying to say regarding your friend, is that if he is ready to have his gf move in, she seems the type who likes her space “just so”, and he is going to have to accommodate that. Another type of woman might be okay with the shabby chic look (like me), but this she doesn’t, if she already wants matching furniture.

        Lastly, of course there is middle ground, lots of it. Too much to cover in a blog reply field, as a matter of fact.

      • EmGee

        Apologies. I came off way to intense. Cortisteroids they give me do that . If there were an edit button I’d have used it. I get carried away;not as bad as I used to (don’t ask). I will be more careful.

        fi
        Can’t answer that. I just needed to dial back the intensity, focus on making my point, and realize that the “over the top”ness I use with guys doesn’t play well every where, and keep the Edgar Allen Poe/H.P.Lovecraft/S. Clay Wilson aspect of my writing off the table. As to the last, he is the greatest underground comix master of all time, but his illustrations, while beautiful, depict horrific scenes. It’s a guy thing, the way little boys are attracted to mayhem and gore, and I retain a lot of the little boy. I’ll refrain however from rhetorically sticking my tongue out at you, or dropping a frog down the back of your dress. BTW fi you and Margaux have been reading my serial over at theprrivateman; does that suggest an answer to your question?

      • EmGee says:

        @Munsie:
        Apology accepted! I had a feeling it was medication induced because you are usually not that anal (hope it’s helping you otherwise), so I tried to not match vitriol against vitriol, if that makes sense. Us wimmens ;-) have this hormonal thing that make us batshiat crazy too sometimes. just don’t call us on it when we’re in our cups! (but I bet you knew that already)

        Gee, I hope that made sense, it’s 1 ayem here. :neutral:

    • fi says:

      I wouldn’t actually be having a discussion about sex with a man until I’d spent time with him and knew it was on the cards. I’m not getting why you have these conversations with men before you’ve even met them.

      • Margaux says:

        Fi, Lydia says she did see him …
        ( even so! I tend to agree!)

      • fi says:

        @Margaux – oh yes – I was thinking that she hadn’t and coming so quickly on the back of Herpes man wondered if this was part of the ‘getting to know you ‘process. :)

      • Lydia says:

        Herpes man and I ususually had lots of calls and contacts and never met. I always meet men quickly as I think you don’t know if you find someone attrractive until you meet but he lives miles away. He was an exception to my rule. We were speaking for hours and getting on.

        Last night with The Widower I am not sure how it came up – most of the evening was nice normal chatting. i did ask about the death and that was nicely done. It was the near the end and he was saying he’d very much like to meet again and then it turned to practicalities of where people meet when they like us have children in their house literally 365 days a year,. However I wasn’t 100% sure I do find him attractive yet. I just thought it was a bit premature. However he’s like a lot of Englishmen not that great at seduction, bit awkward. I can live with that. I did though voice all my objections about it being premature and feeling like a transaction and I might as well charge. Didn’t like his last arrangement – girl friend came round late and then left in the early hours. I need my sleep. Then we seemed to talk a lot about my sleep patterns.. laughing as I talk but getting ehnough sleep is really important. I don’t care how good he might think he is bed I’m not carving out 50% of a night and sneaking around London in the early hours.

        I don’t think he’s seeing other women (he wouldn’t have time, his life is just like mine, 100% financially and practically responsibile for a lot of chidlren day after day whilst wokring for yourself). I suspect he won’t marry anyone as he hasn’t since the death and broke up with the last one last month over a dispute over him not being in love with her (she was very badly in love, he hadn’t got there and perhaps would never have apparently). However I don’t mind at the moment if I have a boyfriend and we don’t end up getting married if we get on inthe mean time and we see how it goes.

        I’ve met 3 widowers and I was telling him last night what a nice change it is compared to men moaning about their ex wife for 2 hours.

        He’s okay. We’ll see how it goes although he could do with some lessons in how to deal with women, he could do with learning how to be romantic and he could be more alpha male.

      • Elle says:

        His last “girlfriend” came over late at night and left early in the morning. An escort would charge about two grand for that!

        I know it’s terribly irreverent, bit what exactly did his wife die of? Lack of sleep can kill.

      • Lydia says:

        I don’t have all the details about when he saw his last girl friend. As they were introduced by friends I would imagine she also stayed some weekends and went out with his children and they went out to eat and other things too but he definitely said she left in the early hours or late. I suppose she might have been there since 7 and have come round to eat. I don’t think it’s as bad as it seemed on the night. It’s easy to jump to conclusions and he like most of us could easily get someone just for sex if we wanted it. I am pretty sure he wants more than that and perhaps he will remarry at some stage.

        The last one fell in love far too quickly very shortly after her divorce with him. The one before was long term not bright enough of so he said. I’ll see him next week and see how it goes. We had a reasonable talk yesterday morning and both seemed reasonably eager to work around the problems that had seemed to come up the night before. He was heaps better than the man I rang last night.

      • fi says:

        @Lydia. You’ve been internet dating all the time Ps blog has been running. I don’t get why you’re still single because you speak to interested men several times a week?

      • Lydia says:

        I found my last 3 boyfriends over the internet. It’s a good process. I was last seeing someone last summer. I don’t think it’s any sign of failure that I haven’t got someone now. I am very happy single and would be happy single forever but I do like men.I see myself as having a very successful time of it, even if I am not currenty married. I In fact I think it’s much better to have longish gaps between partners and be content in yourself than moving seamlessly from person to person hoping relationships will cure all your ills.

      • fi says:

        Lydia. Totally get where you’re coming from an I agree. What I meant was since you’re talking to so many what is preventing any prOgressing? Is it none are what you’re looking for really? NoT clever enough? You don’t want to make changes or they don’t? Etc etc. Why aren’t you “closing the deal” so to speak as you don’t appear to lack opportunities. Just being nosy. :)

      • Lydia says:

        Why aren’t I closing the deal? I closed the deal with someone last summer. Nothing has closed this year because I wasn’t rushing and had a ski accident first this year then (a) was married (b) lives far away and has herpes and now there are few other possibles one in a wheel chair. I don’t think I’ve a bad record. I am also very happy single so I never feel a huge need to rush into anything.

        There are people who never have anyone and are too fussy. I have never thought I was in that category.

    • RS says:

      Totally get what you’re saying Lydia. I’ve had that “talk” with guys before but how it comes up and is dealt with is a key factor in whether or not I see “it” actually happening. “Transaction talk” at the end of a pleasant meeting when setting up the next one would be off-putting to me too!

  • fi says:

    Sounds promising. Good luck

  • MissM says:

    Never mind it being ‘just a cup of coffee’ since from little things big things can grow, and getting lots of emails is a very good sign, especially given so many men are hopeless at emailing. But even if your future is not with this man I have faith that there will be someone else, for you are far too special a person to go unappreciated for ever.

    No I can’t ever see you as smug P. Once you know what it is like to be alone, and realise just how precarious all relationships are, since even the most devoted couples are not free from illness or accidents that may result in the death of one of them, you actually have to then be the sort of callous person that simply doesn’t care how other people feel in order to be smug. Clearly you are so not that sort of unfeeling person, so I cannot see you as smug. Even if you are married to the most perfect man you will still be able to look the plankton around you and think ‘there but for the grace of God go I’ and that will keep smugness at bay. Whereas I think occasionally smug people think they have what they have because they deserve it.

  • Barry says:

    i read the post…composed a cynical reply, read the replies here…and instead, wish you bon voyage on your new adventure …..may it be the Best yet xx

  • Lizzie says:

    I think the ‘just a cup of coffee’ idea is perfect.

    It relieves any pressure of a major night out and major expectations.
    It is a nice cosy and comfortable thing to do, and leaves the evening wide open to either continue on and do other things, or arrange another meeting straight away because you hit it off.

    Lots of emails is a brilliant sign – you cannot beat the easy flow of written communication, paving the way and laying the groundwork for a great meeting. Wishing you lots of lots of luck! Very exciting!

    Oh, and I think none of us could possibly imagine a smug no-longer-a-plankton – but you know what would work – a future blog (once you’ve met the one) about the trials and tribulations of a mid-life relationship!

  • rosie says:

    You’re too self deprecating to be smug, P, which is a good thing but not always where the opposite sex is concerned, as I’ve found out to my cost more than once. Maybe you could mug up on ‘how to be a bitch and leave men drooling’ before the date? Then again, that’s probably not a good idea. Just be yourself and it will be fine. And if you’ve been emailing back and forth already, sounds like he’s going to be able to bat at least ONE question your way! Good luck. x

  • Elle says:

    “A cup of coffee…” from little acorns great oaks grow! -) Good luck.

  • Redbookish says:

    Have a lovely time! I’m glad you’re moving from emails to meeting up for coffee.

    But really, just have a lovely time.

  • Josephine says:

    A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, have a nice time & enjoy it, cant see you been smug, when you do eventually get hitched again, I’m sure you will use your experience, to give hope to other people.

  • Erin says:

    Have a nice big latte, a banofee cupcake and enjoy some casual banter with this man. As Lizzie said, what a great start because it takes the pressure off that a dinner date would put on you. You will feel more relaxed and he will too.

    As far as being smug after getting married, no, that will not happen to you. You’ve been a plankton long enough to remember for the rest of your life what that feels like. And you will be grateful, not smug, and you will never take any of it for granted.

  • june says:

    No P dont think you would ever be smug, anymore than i would, once you have been on your own you know what its like so you could never be smug with anyone else.

    Sadly i feel some people who are in a relationship dont always realise what its like to be alone. i said i dont like mothers day which i dont and some said well no my mum is dead nor do i, but i have no mum, no kids no stepkids, no siblings and no partner! not many dont have at least one of them but not me, all i have is friends and i dont totally think they completely understand, or if they do think youve ended up this way as too choosey.

    So enjoy P, makes you realise can happen and i wish i could think it might for me, but sadly that i feel an impossible task.

    • The Plankton says:

      If it can be me, frankly it can be anybody! Px

    • Margaux says:

      June – believe it or not – I am exactly in the same position as you. Ok – I have a half sibling in another country who I see rarely. But that’s it.
      I don’t feel alone – I have great friends! …remember, you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family. No family psychodramas for us – and free to do as we like when we like. I honestly value it!

      • EmGee says:

        I too, have family have a continent (and a million lifestyles) away. I call my mom once a week (sometimes less when there’s really nothing in my ho-hum life to mention) and have little other contact with my siblings. Top that off with working at home and living 16 miles out of town and the nearest neighbors are 1/4+ mile away… Getting together a couple times a week with friends helps, but it isn’t the same as ‘having someone around’, and if you’ve never experienced that sort of isolation, you can’t understand – plain as that.

        I do have long term plans to move closer to town, regardless of how the relationship works out, but just puling up stakes isn’t so easy in this economic climate. I’m grateful for the friends I have, and that my home is paid for.

  • terracotta says:

    How wonderful Plankton – Im so excited for you. I think you really need to get into the mindset of HIM being lucky to take you out and not the other way round – what other woman in that cafe is going to be able to write for The Times like you – married or not (unless of course Caitlin Moran or India Knight have suddenly chosen that precise spot to pick up a latte) I can really see this turning into a book or even a film – “LS” someone tall dark rangey and taciturn, possibly Daniel Day Lewis or a young Jeremy Irons, Benedict Cumberbatch at a pinch. You – a tired beauty (tired because of the children), definitely wearing Boden. Call Emilia Fox. Your blonde head bent over your child’s as your finger traces latin declensions in front of him/her. A shadow falls over the page – you glance up – and there he is!! Bingo.

  • fi says:

    Coffee is not an ‘only’, its the best way. It gives you both an out if its a disaster without you having to sit there through a meal. I prefer this to feeling obligated to stay with someone for a few hours because he’d bought dinner, you won’t feel guilty over the cost of a coffee, and it means that he’s realistic enough to know it might not work but is giving it a shot. And realistic and grounded are my favourite traits in a man :)

  • EmGee says:

    Put me in the “just a Cup of coffee” is a good idea and not to be sniffed at, column. Best of luck, Ms P!

    I hope that when you do find The One, you will still be interested in making daily posts, and the blog will turn a corner. What will be around that corner, who knows?

  • rosie says:

    “Widowers are arguably the most desirable group of older men”

    I hardly ever watch reality TV and would rather eat even more dog poo than tune in to TOWIE or Made In Chelsea (for non-UK commentators, fly-on-the-wall ‘documentaries’ about screeching halfwits from both ends of the social divide) but a couple of months ago I got strangely sucked in to an episode of The Hotel, which bills itself as a real life Fawlty Towers.

    It was Christmas and the staff were awaiting the arrival of hordes of coach passengers from various parts of the country. One of the best bits was watching the spectacularly clueless manager, who had somehow forgotten about the vegetarian guests, driving around Torquay on Christmas Day looking for a nut roast.

    But to get to the point, there was a widower, probably in his late seventies, who had come on his own and had palled up with some of the other guests, bless him. The interviewer asked him if he felt lonely and (I’m paraphrasing) he replied, “Oh no, I had four ladies after me at dinner the other night.” And right at that moment, I hated him, poor old sod. As if it’s his fault. But, oh, the unfairness! If all I’ve got to look forward to is fighting over widowed pensioners after half a fucking lifetime of planktonhood, I think I’ll have to pass!

    • RS says:

      But maybe the 4 ladies were just making polite conversation with him and he took that to mean they were all “after” him. Just because he says it doesn’t make it so!

    • MissM says:

      Oh how I hope that is so RS. It is true that some old men do seem to have a totally misplaced belief that younger women will find them attractive, even when they don’t, so you could well be right.

      I did laugh at your descriptions there Rosie. I have watched The Hotel and I remember being particularly struck by the bravery of the junior staff who are mostly foreign. They not only have no family or friends in their adopted new country, but are also having to struggle constantly with only being able to communicate poorly in their second language. I can only imagine how lonely they must feel and my heart goes out to them.

      As for reality tv, I have seen enough of it to know what the rest of the populace is talking about. But I am at a loss as to why it is okay to worship those who have no talent and no interest in contributing to society in any way other than to keep the companies that produce alcoholic beverages in business. These people are indeed screeching halfwits that should be mocked and shamed for being such, not held up as role models. Trouble is much of the viewing population seems to consist of screeching halfwits, no wonder that sort of television is so successful.

  • I remember that you wrote in The Times last week something to the effect about “how people just love to offer advice to planktons…”

    Seriously, some of what people are suggesting in response to your blog entries here actually seems to make at least some mild degree of partial sense… Since you first started this blog site, have you taken even one single readers’ suggestion at all serioiusly?

  • Lindy says:

    So understand this punching above your weight stuff, as I feel just like you about the man I’m seeing, whom I stalked into submission, but that’s another story, an encouraging one, I hope! As I’ve said, we judge ourselves so harshly, but we can be shallow too. Thrilled for you that this twinkle is young, handsome and intelligent, but who knows what lurks beneath that gorgeous visage? I’ll wager the same hopes and fears and insecurities (perhaps better hidden?!) as the rest of us humankind harbour! The chap I’m lucky enough to have bagged (for now – I know you will never be smug, P, and nor will I – ever) is unbelievably handsome (although a bit older than me, which makes him MUCH older than your delicious-sounding twinkle so, dare I say it, a tad past his prime) but oh! – if I had met him when he was in his late thirties/ early forties (when I, of course, had relative youth on my side too but didn’t appreciate it then)….he was a show-stopper. In fact his picture, on a poster, adorned the wall above the desk belonging to the woman who was lucky enough to marry him then – he was chosen to be the ‘model’ for his profession (one of the forces, so a uniform too – GAH!!) He is divine, but as flawed and bashed about by life as I am. So take heart and heed and enjoy yourself, it’s lovely news!

  • MissBates says:

    You don’t strike me as the “smug” type to begin with, and doubt that you will suddenly develop this trait if and when you relax into a relationship with one of these men. You will have had a bout of planktonhood, which is enough to wipe that smug, self-satisfied “I’m married” smirk off anyone’s face . . .

    Meanwhile, enjoy the coffee with this latest twinkle.

  • RS says:

    Coffee for a first meeting is perfect. Drinks would be good too. Easy to escape if it’s uncomfortable, easy to extend if it’s lovely.

    But while I’m delighted for you P and rooting so hard here, I’m more than a bit worried about all the projecting going on above. The emails are promising, for sure, but please don’t get too far ahead in your daydreams. I say this as someone who also has the tendency and has to reign it in or I’d be on a roller coaster ride of emotions that would incapacitate me.

  • Catherine says:

    I don’t think you will ever be smug. But what are you doing here, reawakening my hope? Is there enough of that scant stuff to go around?

    I do hope coffee is comfortable and many interesting things are said. xx

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You are currently reading And I’ve Been Thinking, When the Date with ST All Turns to Dust… at The Plankton.

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