Prozac – Day 24

January 24, 2013 § 74 Comments

I have been unforgivably slack, I apologise.  I have been desperately trying to crank up the freelance machinery again after the Christmas break and get some bloody work, of which there is far too little.  I am not doing very well, but I am not going to bore you with all of that.  Why do so few people ever respond to a fucking email?  Because they are all so self-important and busy.  I am so not busy.  I fucking hate people who tell me how busy they are.  Busy, busy, busy! They chirrup, and I think fuck off to your busyness, and leave me to my empty, unemployed, hibernation.

I am now on Day 24 of the prozac and I am not aware of any “kicking in” as yet, as you can probably tell from the tone of the above.  I am not expecting some great high.  I know it doesn’t work like that.  I don’t feel particularly low, but nor did I before I started taking it, just a tad inert, which I suppose is sort of a bit low.  They say it takes 2-6 weeks, so I am watching my own head space, scrupulously, and waiting.

Not having posted is nothing to do with SYT.  News on SYT will appear on Monday in the Times, inshallah, and on Tuesday here.

This post is manifestly feeble but the school run beckons.  I just thought I ought to let all you kind readers know that I will be posting properly soon, that I do still exist, and I am still very much the Plankton, with a capital effing P.

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§ 74 Responses to Prozac – Day 24

  • Kelly M. says:

    Glad you are hanging in their, Plankton. Looking forward to your post. :)

  • jil333 says:

    Good to see this post,albeit brief! So many people say they are busy,but can and should make time. I am reasonably busy,but don’t go round telling everyone how busy I am,it’s not difficult to respond to an email or return a phone call… Will enjoy reading your next post on Monday.

  • rod says:

    thought you’d given up talking to us. Good to hear your ire, which is aired in an amusing manner. Would write more but too b…………..

  • James B says:

    The Prozac is not working then. Seriously …

    • The Plankton says:

      Not sure. I don’t think it is, on the other hand I am not feeling like slitting my wrists. Perhaps that means it’s working…? I was hoping for something a bit better than that. Pxx

  • malcolm says:

    I’m way too busy to leave a comment.

    Prozac is a mystery to me, but I would imagine that being hyper vigilant about one’s moods and thoughts and wondering whether they are natural or are a result of being on Prozac would be a bit of a spirally mind bender to me.

  • fi says:

    “inshallah” – where does it come from? What does it mean? Anyone know?

    • Helle says:

      Allah willing

    • Jo says:

      It means ‘God Willing’ in Arabic. (Allah’ being God.)
      P. Not sure Prozac is right for you.
      Don’t want to bombard you with stuff, but this was my experience in the past.
      Changed to Citalopram and it was definitely the right thing.

      • fi says:

        Thanks you two for clarifying.

      • Jill says:

        I’m also very pleased to see that you have been restored to us, dear P, and am looking forward to Tuesday’s post. However, I am also with Jo re experience of Prozac v. Citalopram – you may think that it is too early to consider making a change, but I have known several people who found the latter much more helpful, while Prozac made them feel worse than before they were taking it. But you have a good doctor, I’m sure, who will doubtless be keeping a close eye on you. Good luck with everything that is going on in your life.

        And best wishes to Fi for the start of your radiotherapy on Monday.

      • The Plankton says:

        Thanks, though i need to give it a bit more of a chance… Pxx

  • MissBates says:

    Way too early to tell if the Prozac is going to take effect, dear Plankton. Hang in there, and looking forward to your next update.

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you. Am hanging in there, I promise. Pxx

    • Jo says:

      Sorry Miss Bates, I have to disagree. It is not way too early to tell if Prozac is working…Although you may think it is a bit early. In consultation with several people I know who tried Prozac – very hit or miss, mostly not positive – and in my close (doctor) friend’s considered opinion, Citalopram has universal approval all round. With little or zero side effects. I urge P to try it if/when she wants to do so. But I would stake money on it that she will feel its effect positively. In two weeks tops.
      I cannot recommend it highly enough. Ditto friends and doctor. Honestly.
      But I respect wishing to wait longer..

  • maria says:

    So great to hear from you again, Plankton. Looking forward to your next post.

  • EmGee says:

    Thanks for checking in, Ms P. I am not too busy to at least wish you a fair thee well. Looking forward to what Tuesday’s post brings.

  • James B says:

    P, are you getting any therapy to go with your pills? Seriously, if the drugs are not making you feel better yet or perhaps are just sedating your consciousness, then maybe a change of medication is worth considering. Personally I am concerned that you may not be getting arms-length psychological help. Talk therapy of one sort, combined with either different anti-depressants or anti-anxiety drugs would be a good start. CBT or dynamic therapy or maybe even Logotherapy could change your life for the better. Good luck anyway and use us here as a bit of your therapy too! In any case, having read your blog for ages now I can see that your depression is not merely a “chemical” thing – your life needs some changes and you will need to be healthy in mind and body to know what those changes should be, before you can act on them. Be strong, although it seems SO hard … your writing shows that you have the force of personality to get through all this.

  • Lydia says:

    Keep going. All will be well and all manner of things will be well.

    As writing is not paying very well then given you are about 8 stone and quite clever try the second of for many women the only route to having more money – richer men. London is full of them. Just choose them on financial grounds and then at least you can eat…… I rejected a rather rich but fat farmer type person recently. There are these people around and he’s very nice but think a bit too busy for me to want him and a few others – in other words out there are really lovely men.

    Other routes? I have a friend, ex journalist went into buying some publishing things, rather rich. I own something similar in a small way. Make more money from that than the bits of writing that I do. Could you not pick a very specific industry like say gold or a specific form of oil and be the best source of information on it on the planet and sell that information (which is still writing but better paid writing than some other types)?

    Sex raises beta endorphin levels. Aim to orgasm every other day. That might cheer you up. Obviously clinical depression though needs the pills at least for now so keep at those. They work best if combined with therapy – my family are mostly all psychiatrists and psychologists and they all say pills plus therapy is the best combination. Make sure you don’t drink alcohol. Drink water. Eat 3 regular healthy meals a day, no junk ever. There are lots of thin people surviving on coffee and sugar and that is not good for them.
    Look at peopleperhour website which has writing jobs on it. Consider other work too. I have friends who in hard times turn to cleaning jobs. Hard work hurt no one and cheers many people up.

    Above all remember there is no one happier than unmarried women (their mental health is much better than in marriage) so if you had stayed married you might be even worse by now. Count blessings.

    • Jill says:

      Lydia, please tell me you are joking……..I am sitting here shaking my head in disbelief at what you have written.

      • PY says:

        Only disbelief ?

        I’m still trying shake off the surge in beta endorphins . Time for a cuppa and a biccie to calm me down.

      • Jill says:

        Lucky old you, PY — surging beta endorphins indeed, and before midday to boot! Is a cuppa + biccie the modern day equivalent of a P C cigarette?! I really must gen up just in case my ship comes in…. :lol:

      • fi says:

        “Aim to orgasm every other day. That might cheer you up.”
        Well I’ve never seen that advice on any NHS leaflets. More’s the pity. ;)

      • Jo says:

        Jill. Please! Lydia always does this. (And enjoys the fallout immensely.)
        We’ve all responded – aghast – at this regular type of thing ad infinitum. Since the blog’s conception.
        It’s best not to respond. It’s just pouring fuel onto the – ever provocative and ever similar – fire.
        Don’t rise to it.
        Best ignored…..

      • Jill says:

        I agree with you wholeheartedly, Jo, but today’s Lydia-ism really took the biscuit as far as I was concerned (or should that be a chocolate Hobnob?!) As an online Times subscriber, I spot her in her guise as “English Rose” making similar comments about articles elsewhere in The Times, and sometimes feel truly embarrassed on her behalf.

        Suitably reprimanded [:)], Jo, I will endeavour to resist rising to her tantalising “fly” in future……

      • Jo says:

        Hi Jill. Oh goodness I would never reprimand you. Just sparing you wasting any energy on ire and wanting Lydia’s preposterousness (is that a word?) to go unrewarded…
        Don’t be embarrassed ‘on her behalf’. You can bet she is not embarrassed in the slightest. On the contrary…IGNORE. x

      • Jill says:

        Don’t worry, Jo – the “suitably reprimanded” was said totally tongue in cheek, but my attempt at a wink ;) – let’s see if I can manage it this time – was unsuccessful. I assure you that I am at one with you on this issue, but was tempted and succumbed this once!

      • Jo says:

        Oh quite understand Jill. We’ve all succumbed at one point or another.
        Until we learned better..x

      • py says:

        Crumbs , Jo!

        Sorry , they’re everywhere – the tale tell signs of a cheeky ‘Suggestive Digestive’ , which are very good for late night dunking .

        As for Lydia’ s outpourings of totally deluded and fantastical advice – you can rest assured that I read them for what they are . I have a chortle and move on.

        Now , where’ s that biscuit barrel ?

      • Jo says:

        PY. What a wise fellow you are…..

    • Scott Benowitz says:

      “…every other day…”

      just to clarify here- you mean with someone OTHER THAN yourself here, right?

      • PY says:

        Scott , mate . If you don’t have a Chocolate Hob Nob and a Twinings English Breakfast tea bag in the cupboard – trust me , you’re just going to have to take the matter in hand .

    • MissBates says:

      I’m just going to take a wild guess that if Plankton could afford to “buy some publishing things” (?!?) rather than rely upon sporadic freelance journalism gigs, she would do so, in the same manner that if I could afford to “buy some investment things” I might become rich. Also, how is it that Plankton is to become conversant with “gold or a specific form of oil and become the best source of information for it on the planet?” I’m sure she has hidden depths, but she’s not mentioned a degree in metallurgical engineering or an expertise in shale oil deposits or natural gas hydrates, so why would anyone who IS such an expert look to HER for such information? On the other hand, It is reassuring to know that London is teeming with rich fat men prepared to throw themselves at her feet. (Sadly, I can report that the rich fat men in Manhattan still tend to go for women considerably younger than myself or Plankton. “Rich,” you see, trumps “fat” in the dating game. Harvey Weinstein/Georgina Chapman, anyone? Check out Google Images if you don’t know to whom I’m referring.) And of course if all else fails, she can always fall back on cleaning Lydia’s bathroom to supplement her income. (Whether she would be as “cheered up ” by that task as Lydia thinks, I am doubtful.)

      • PY says:

        Well, Miss Bates , you talk of plumbing hidden depths but that’s the problem with oil men and fracking around . They tried it in the north west and the earth moved , even for Sharon and Sean , in Blackpool .

        But (as I wait in SW19 for No 2 son to turn up for a Friday night curry ) I ponder on life’s hand of cards and as to why I will not be tumbling into bed with a wanton winsome woman at the end of an evening of sub zero temperatures .

      • Jo says:

        MissBates. PY. You/We know Lydia and her oft-repeated idiocy of old. Don’t you/we?
        Don’t rise to it for god’s sake!! That’s what ‘she’ wants.
        Ignore ignore ignore…

      • MissBates says:

        “Rise to it?” My reply was a joke in response to a fictional character. Who cares?

      • Jo says:

        You’re right MissBates. Sorry. Obviously misunderstood your reply. Apologies.

    • Elle says:

      :-) Stay sane Lydia

  • malcolm says:

    I cannot imagine that there’s a middle aged man alive, intelligent enough to have arrived at this stage of life financially intact, who would have such a monumental lapse of judgement to involve himself with such an obviously bat-shit crazy woman like Lydia.

    Methinks she leads a rather vivid fantasy life.

    • fi says:

      What makes you think that? The island? The many jobs she appears to have that bring in so much money she has to pay alimony to her ex husband? The expensive holidays? The family spending their evening having a singsong round the piano? Or just the many many rich and disabled/fat men throwing themselves at her?

      • James B says:

        “Rich and disabled/fat men”? Disabled? Where did that one come from? Did I miss something?

      • Jo says:

        James B. See Lydia’s (very many) past comments – since July 2011 – on the ‘many many rich and disabled/fat men’ et al ‘throwing themselves at her’.
        You’ll then fully understand Fi’s comment..

      • fi says:

        Yep you obviously haven’t read the back catalogue :) often (maybe always ?) they are fat and occasionally in a wheelchair. But always rich. And where they’ve been married the wife was a housewife ie unworthy of respect which allows Lydia to segue nicely into advice on how to earn loads of money and the importance of encouraging your daughters to become investment bankers. Personally though I like Lydia and am intrigued by her and wonder why she does it. That’s why I was quite excited by the appearance of englishrose – I thought we might have seen a new and more developed personality, but sadly it wasn’t to be. But that’s just me I think – I like odd people.

      • Jo says:

        Hi Fi. Well After the last 18 months of Lydia’s always similarly worded provocative postings, I’ve ceased to be ‘intrigued’, or ‘wondering why she does it’. Ditto being ‘excited’ by her transmusion (until she was discovered) into ‘English Rose’.
        But that’s just me. Each to their own.
        I’m not even exasperated now by the (again, always the same provocative stuff) things she posts.
        Just bored really. It’s so obvious, and predictable. Yawn…….

      • fi says:

        I’m bored by what she says, but I’m intrigued by why she says it. :)

      • Jo says:

        After so so long of the same boring, inane, always similarly worded rambling and utterly ridiculous ‘suggestions’, I guess my intrigue has long since left the building…
        Just can’t be bothered to take her in any way seriously anymore….
        So boring.

      • Jo says:

        Plus, don’t want to feed her obvious relish at people’s outrage.
        As I said. Just fuel on the fire. Clearly intended. Therefore best ignored..

      • Jo says:

        It would be so easy for me to invent a ‘persona’. Post ludicrous stuff about myself, my life, my children, my oceans of men I am swimming through and discarding, my assets – private island etc – the privileges I enjoy..Not to mention not eating ‘toffee puddings’ as an aid to my mental health, tips on how to earn money ‘if you’re 8 stone’or whatever and all the rest. Oh, all the rest…(Too many to list here, after 18 months..)
        It’s just…bloody daft. And laughable.
        Again. best ignored not risen to.
        ‘Intrigued’? After so long of the same?
        No siree….

      • Jo says:

        ‘Intrigued by why she says it’?
        Easy. Provocation provocation provocation.
        I rest My case.
        I’m boring myself now…
        Night night.

      • malcolm says:

        @fi, all those things are far more believable than the notion that a man could possibly take a fancy to her.

    • Scott Benowitz says:

      I’d get involved with her if she’s interested …. I’m 40, I’m financially doing quite okay, and at least semi- sane most of the time … ….

    • Jo says:

      Yes malcolm. ‘Lydia’ does indeed lead a fantasy life. She is a fantasy creature who thrives on being provocative. And enjoys those who rise to it….

  • Anniebub says:

    Think we have got a bit distracted with Lydia. Can we concentrate on P. x

  • rosie says:

    Welcome back, P, I was starting to think you’d run off to Gretna Green. Re the pills, if you’re thinking of changing I’m on Citalopram (zzz) and can vouch that they do make you feel better – or should that be slightly less crap – but unless you’re a miracle of medical science orgasms will be a distant memory!

  • James B says:

    P – Prozac will probably just dull the pain. We have no miracle cures. Time will help. One day you will just wake up and feel a bit better and after many months you will feel no pain and one day – not too far in the future, you will actually have a day where you are happy, yes happy – for almost the whole day. And then you will be well again. But I think you need some therapy. PLEASE. It works for most people.

    Taking anti-depressants is a bit like taking an aspirin for the pain of a broken leg. You have to get the break fixed, maybe with plaster, maybe an operation. Therapy is the plaster, the operation, that together with the pills will allow you to recover, to live a happy life in the future. You will be fine and be stronger too. But you need talk therapy too, P. It can be a very interesting journey. It will make you an even better writer….

  • rosie says:

    James, I get your drift but unfortunately there isn’t a pill or a therapist in the world that can cure loneliness.

    • James B says:

      You are right, Rosie. That, after all is why this blog has such a powerful and emotional pull, I guess. But – given P’s clear humour, intelligence and obvious human qualities, I think that her story will develop well.

      In general, when something in life is not working, we have to do something differently – we have to behave differently, at least a little. My gut feeling here is that in P’s case, she just needs to change her outbound social DNA a little. Still, it is never easy, even for richer, thin, men to find the right partner.

      In the meantime, P has to work on her depression, which is a serious and horrible dark condition. Any of us that have suffered know that the “Black Dog” of depression stops all progress. So good luck P and don’t give in. It will pass …

  • Elle says:

    I’m glad you’re ok P. Sorry that the prozac isn’t kicking in yet but maybe it isn’t for you. Don’t let the doc fob you off with excuses, if you think you need something else don’t give up until you get it.

    It’s not a nice time of the year to be depressed. Remember we’re all rooting for you, even Lydia in her own way.

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