Two Twinkles Down
October 3, 2013 § 36 Comments
Well, the blind date last week turned out to be a non-starter. My sister says you have to meet someone three times before you write them off. I am keeping an open mind, an ajar-open mind is about as much as I can manage. It will have to be one huge leap to turn my opinion around but it has been done about people before and can be done again, I guess. Sometimes I’ve met someone, anyone, male, female, and thought they were cold and deeply unpleasant and I have been so wrong.
This man was not deeply unpleasant, nor was he cold. But neither was he particularly warm and he left me cold because he rail-roaded the conversation and showed not the slightest glimmer of empathy or heart or interest (not even as a potential mate, even as one human being to another). Probably didn’t fancy me within about 3 seconds and couldn’t be arsed. Fair enough. Or self-obsessed and dim. Also fair enough. Makes two of us, probably.
But one thing the experience taught me is that I am happy enough on my own not to compromise all the good things about being alone for the wrong person. Desperate, sure, but perhaps not that desperate. This one may turn out to be the right one – I doubt it – and if he gets in touch (he did ask for my number), I will see him again just to see if my instinct was right or wide of the mark (possible, but I doubt it). And if he is as unappealing as I think he is (unless I misheard, which is entirely possible, he is a climate change denier and properly right wing, er, no thanks), then I shall be happy that I am enjoying the fruits of not being with a man like that. If I am wrong, then we can joke about my foolish mistake into our dotage.
As for the badass who isn’t at all like that, but is charming and clever and open-minded and oddly attractive (I didn’t fancy him at first but he dawned on me) he is a badass nonetheless, and out of the picture. My sense of self-preservation is such that I am not that dumb. Well, I probably am, but he is otherwise engaged so I am not going to waste my time and headspace.
Which leaves us with the old, old friend. I am seeing him tonight. But I am not hoping.
I have heard so many ghastly stories these past few days about the behaviour of certain men that I have practically lost the will to live. One of my most beautiful, clever and talented friends ever rang me yesterday overflowing with tears like a weir after being shafted by a man whom she initially resisted precisely because she didn’t want to be hurt but who promised her the earth and then after some weeks of heightened bliss brutalised her with sudden silence. Another fucking two vulnerable women I know at the same time, neatly mortifying and betraying both. Yet another and another and another fucking off with tauter, shinier replacements. And another, Just Married, asking for the telephone number of an attractive friend of mine and flirting to fuck.
Wish me luck tonight. Myself and luck: never had any; not expecting any; won’t be getting any.
But nice to think someone out there may be so kind as to wish me any. Thank you.