E-mailing Man

July 12, 2011 § 5 Comments

How low must I sink?

My aunt met a man, bit of a rogue, very attractive according to her, artistic, a bachelor a couple of years or so younger than me.

He needed to ask my advice about something so he emailed me.  I had never met him, but he was friendly enough so I emailed back.  A correspondence began, quite larky.  He was witty and our emails became quite flirtatious.  He asked me out to lunch.  The day that email came, there was a little lift in me, a pathetic frisson of, what, excitement, hope?  I don’t know, it was better than no invitation out to lunch, even if he had been introduced to me – virtually, at any rate – by my aunt.  It was not ideal meeting a man through my aunt, but beggars and all that…

The morning of the lunch came, and with it an email with apologies.  The man had man flu and couldn’t make it after all.  Another time…

The emails continued, less steadily, but they continued.

Some weeks later my aunt had some people round and he went and I went.  He wore a floppy jacket and expression of extreme pleasure with himself even though he tried to disguise this with bad luck stories.  One of them was that he had made a woman pregnant but that he didn’t love her and that she was going ahead and having the baby.  What was he to do?  I gave kindly advice and was sympathetic.  We laughed over lunch, certainly chatted animatedly.  He was handsome but he laboured the artistic side of himself and wasn’t altogether terribly adept at concealing the fact that he was up his own arse.  Polite enough I suppose.

Once he had met me, of course, I never did receive another email from him.

What a surprise.  Just the kind of boost the middle-aged divorcee needs to the self-confidence.  I had been good enough for the odd witty email – he had complimented my aunt on how I gave good email – and I had made him laugh when he met me, but the reality, the slack-fleshed reality, well, thanks but no thanks.  He didn’t fancy me.  End of story.

In fact, no bad thing (though that is beside the point).  Some months later I heard he had got a second hapless woman pregnant with whom he may or may not have been in love; he was in two minds about it and was experiencing not a little stress, apparently.

Oh, how the heart bleeds.


§ 5 Responses to E-mailing Man

  • John says:

    Now I know why ordinary guys like us get the short straw with the ladies. A couple of idiots like that and what self respecting lady would want to chat with another guy online for a while?

  • Fitzroyalty says:

    Hapless? On the contrary, it sounds like a bit of hap was shared by this idiot and his idiot partners. It takes two to make babies. Men who don’t use condoms are idiotic, and women who accept men who don’t use condoms are equally idiotic. He’ll be financially ruined now because of the child maintenance payments. Good riddance!

  • Buster says:

    So, men don’t find most older women physically attractive and women don’t find ‘loosers’ stautus attractive! Who is the worse of the two?…both making their decisions using their ‘monkey brains’ and moaning about their lot.
    Both need to learn to value human beings, and forgive. The alternative is anger and frustration. Love is the only answer & the cure, but it is so hard to foster in a world of selfish interests.
    Fortunately our designer cannot be thwarted, happiness cannot be covered over indefinately, and joy has to be felt to clearly show what is right.
    Way over most of our heads, but inevitable nontheless.
    Be longsuffering & give what love you can, whilst you still can.

  • plumgrape says:

    You really do great email! It’s true. I wonder if your gentleman friend didn’t actually want a child or two! I feel at my age that having the bother of the younger children as it were “done” makes a party even more interesting. I think probably having the children after say Year 8 is rather fun.Thank you.

  • Dear Plankton,
    I am a recently divorced man and I think you are far too pessimistic. Feelin gsorry for yourself will not help you to find a mate. I read your column in the Irish Independent yesterday. You clearly are witty, clever and intelligent. You describe your appearance as “attractive”. Perhaps you are much too judgemental of the men you meet and are judging the book by the cover too much. One has to date a person a few times before they open up. I’m normally rather reserved when I meet someone for the first time and take a little bit of time to open up. I’m always looking out for emotional compatibility. Although I’ve been hurt a few times in my search for a soul mate since becoming divorced, I’m still broadly optimistic that the right woman is out there for me. I’m also aware that ALL worthwhile relationships present challenges and require work as well as play. Next time you are in Ireland….but you will need to find a new name!!

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