Better to have been married…?
July 13, 2011 § 12 Comments
I have heard it said more than once that it is better for a woman to have been married and divorced than never to have been married at all.
At my age I have a handful of girlfriends who have never been married. Because I have always been in the camp of women who wanted to get married, and indeed was happily married, I very much count my blessings. These friends, like me, also wanted to, very much, but it never happened to them. They are gorgeous and intelligent and attractive and great company and for years we’ve all been asking why the fuck not? Of course, a lot of it is luck. There was nothing “better” about me, and there’s nothing “better” about any woman who gets married. We were just lucky (even if the luck ran out for some of us). I don’t know; right place, right time. Who knows?
One of my never-married friends says she knows her time has passed.
“You’re all right,” she says. “You have had one man who has chosen to marry you and you’ll get married again. All my [women] friends who have been married and divorced have got married again.” (Oh, and look who looks like she’s rapidly heading to become the fucking exception, eh?) “I never have, and I know I now never will.”
What is that all about? Perhaps men, if they want women of a certain age at all – which, on the whole, they don’t – then they want the tried and tested ones. The ones to whom another man once gave the thumbs up. Ones who have been married so know the meaning of the word of compromise or, even better, submission, and doormat.
My friend may have a point and I suppose that is consolation of sorts. I wonder. Just by dint of having been married, I am in with a better chance than a – dread word – spinster? How so? If there are no men, there are no men. From where I am standing, I do not feel as though I have an advantage over my lovely never-married friend.
As I have said before and will say again, I am not exactly holding my breath.