Snowman ll

July 24, 2011 § 6 Comments


To my mind there was a split second.


I fancy he was having the same thought, there again, perhaps not?


The thought – mine, and most probably that of every other plankton on the planet who happ’d to find herself in the same situation – and more than likely his thought too  (though men’s minds work in curious and unfathomable ways so who knows?) – went something like this: Here we are in the snow, just back from a merry evening, in this ideal situation, we are both free and open to suggestion, not positively unattractive, and have been thrown together by force of circumstance when, crucially, we were Least Expecting It, so, hey – surely! – why not?


Why not?


Perhaps because it is just too pat.


Perhaps because it is too soon.


Perhaps he’s not the kind to take advantage of a situation – a gentleman, indeed, though I dislike that term which has come to be a bit prissy (I hate prissy as much as I hate chippy) – it reminds me of tea cups and combs in breast pockets.


And, face it, perhaps he just doesn’t fancy me.  (All too possible, alas.)


Perhaps, also, I don’t quite fancy him enough for him to be the first new man I sleep with in nearly twenty years. (Like losing one’s virginity all over again, one hopes that that candidate is going to be the right person, especially as I got it so wrong the first time, managing as a clueless teenager to score two wrong men simultaneously).  I probably don’t quite fancy him enough partly because he’s quite old – mid-fifties – and I am not quite there yet with my readjustments.  (Last time I fancied someone enough to sleep with them was in my late twenties and he was quite a lot younger and coruscatingly beautiful. I am moving on, but am still only at late 40s/early 50s; not quite ready to take on mid-fifties plus, though working on it, working on it, I promise).  Also not sure I fancy him because although it’s been some time since she died, he’s still in awe of his wife and while of course I want him to be in awe of his wife for ever because if he wasn’t then he’d be a resounding shit, nonetheless there’s in awe and there’s in awe, and it’s hard to fancy a man who will invariably make comparisons and for all my qualities find me wanting – not as intelligent, not as talented, not as special, not as beautiful, not as thin, not the mother of his children.  Not dead.


As I say, he lent forward to kiss me.


There was the split second of thought, whichever thought it happened to be.


Then his face that had been booring into mine, eyes and all, veered suddenly, like a car, onto the verge that was my cheek, and then my other cheek.


We went to our separate rooms.


As I say, I was Least Expecting It and, still, It didn’t happen.


[More of what happened next, tomorrow].


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§ 6 Responses to Snowman ll

  • Sarah Hague says:

    Ooh, what a tease. I hope he crept along the corridor and knocked discreetly on your door having had a second wind and being desperate for a midnight snack…

  • MissBates says:

    I confess I had hoped you were going to say that you’d had a bit of a confidence-restoring fling. But then you might not have been inspired to write this blog.

    Sigh. I myself have found that being in a constant state of Least Expecting It can often turn into No Expectations At All. Which is a grim place to be. :-/

  • Topgeared says:

    I don’t want to sound critical here but I feel there are two aspects of this post which appear to be barriers in your quest for finding a man. Firstly your comments about not being ready to take on mid 50’s plus is a huge barrier. If a man in his late 40’s has anything about him, is in any way attractive to women and hasn’t let himself go completely, he will have a target audience of mid to late thirties. As I guy in my early 50’s and being single by choice for nearly 5 years, I’ve had three girlfriends in their mid to late 30’s who are absolutely stunning and were very happy to date a guy of my age. The reason things didn’t work out is because I don’t want to have more kids. So yes, you are right, I should raise my target to someone in their 40’s who’se had children and with whom I can have a lasting relationship. I agree! But equally you need to embrace the 50 year old’s, there are some great guys out there who are mature, happy in themselves and certainky know how to look after a woman. I was at a party on Saturday and my friend who is 56 turned up with a new girlfriend of 39 who was lovely. He can, so he does. I have another really good friend, she is 47, attractive and good fun. We sometimes go out together to functions if one or other of us needs a date. While we’re say at a black tie dinner she’ll pick out the realy dishy guys of about 40 and say wow I really fancy him. The trouble is he’s going to be focusing on the 28 year old with the lingerie model figure, because he can. So my friend really needs to recalibrate her sights, but I fear by the time she does she will have missed some great opportunities. I have another friend, he is 35, very fit and handsome and has a great personality. I asked him down from London to a party recently with friends adding that there were some single women in their 30’s coming. He said so what, they’re far too old for him. Now I’m not saying all this is right and that that is how we should lead our lives because I have learnt a lot in the last five years and I’m applying that to my life these days. Hence I’ve just started dating a lovely woman in her early 40’s with two children int heir teens. You see we live and learn!
    Coming on to my second point. You haven’t slept withe new man in 20 years! That means you will be sending out all sorts of signals to any man who comes into range and when you do finally end up in the sack with the man of your dreams you’ll probably be as nervous as anything, worried abotu what he’ll think of you and what comparisons he might make. I strongly recommend you go out and get laid. Firstly it will boost your confidence enormously and more importantly will probably make you more attractive because it will change your body language and how you come across to the opposite sex. I suspect you might find it very liberating. Oh and as for not being sure whether you fancy the over 50’s guy, another friend of mine who is 50 started dating a guy last year who was older than her, not in anyway attractive, but he had a great personality. Twelve months on she is madly in love with the guy, says the sex is the best she ever had and can’t believe she wasn’t atracted to him when they first met. My advice to you is to throw caution to the wind and rediscover yourself and stop putting limitations on things. You’ll love it.

  • Nina says:

    Topgeared: your post confirms what I tell all my single (girl)friends: that thirty-something guys are looking for girls in their 20s, forty-something guys are also looking for girls in their 20s (or the rare 30s who don’t want kids) and generally, because they can. They are out-numbered by at least 3 to 1, so they have the pick of the crop.
    So, theoretically, 40 something women should have it easier than us 30 somethings as they will have already had kids or be facing the fact that it is too late to have them (I speak about the majority, of course)…funnily enough I also have a friend who is 45 and single, and always attracted to guys in their late twenties who, surprisingly, are not interested in her because she is too old (or just want a fling)….I keep asking her why she doesn’t go for guys her own age and she says they all seem older than her, as well as the fact that there aren’t any decent single ones…..
    I don’t know…I’m 35 and would be more than happy to go out with a 45-50 year old, but yes, I am still on the verge of wanting children which I realise would not appeal to a man that age, unless he has never had any…..

  • Topgeared says:

    Nina, what I learn from female friends of mine is that if a guy has got to 40, has not married and had kids, there’s usually something wrong with him and more often than not has a very close relationship with his mother! 🙂 I can think of one famous celebrity who’se on our screens regularly who meets this description. But we should try not to generalise because its amazing what can be around the corner. Being single is about being open to new opportunities. I became single again yesterday after a brief go at things and have a positive outlook. However, one thing that really annoys me is when people in relationships say “when you stop looking you’ll find the right person”. What a load of rubbish. If you stop looking you just stay single and don’t go on dates. Being 52, financially independent, with noone to answer to has its appeal and dating canbe great fun. The term kid in a sweet shop comes to mind and its a lot to give up. I figure though its just a matter of time until I bump into someone who’ll blow my socks off, so it does become a bit of a numbers game. For you the children thing is a big issue and one you obviously can’t ignore. There are guys out there in their 40’s who have had kids already but are still open to starting again. I’ve met some of them. You’re friends point about there not being any decent single ones out there is a recurring theme I’ve heard many times. I’ve been told i’m one of them but I understand we’re a fairly rare breed.

  • Nina says:

    I can think of more than one male celebrity that fits that bill….

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