Snowman lll

July 25, 2011 § 18 Comments

There have been a number of men who have hoved into view but they have all acted so oddly, and oddly in such a variety of ways (cf. Slice of Disappointment and E-mailing Man, and there are more to come).  The Snowman was no exception.

Three weeks after he stayed the night in the spare room he rang to say he’d like to see me.  He didn’t mention when.  A month later he rang again to ask if I’d fancy going to the theatre with him sometime and that I could stay the night in his house – though, he assured me, that was not a rogue-ish offer because he did have a spare room.  I said, yes, lovely, how kind, the theatre or a movie would be nice.  No date was fixed, just the notion of one.  Another couple of weeks passed without a squeak.  Then, one Friday evening, a call saying, sorry rather short notice but could I come to the theatre on Monday?  He’d got four tickets.  It was a play I had wanted to see.  I accepted.

I met him at the theatre, plus his daughter and a friend of his.  He was generous and friendly without being oleaginous, offered champagne at the bar.  Afterwards we all went back to his house for a delicious and jolly supper.  Late, he showed me up to the spare room and didn’t make a pass at me which I found disappointing but not devastating.  If he had, he would have been in luck.  Perhaps he didn’t want to be.  Who can tell.

I had to get to work so slipped out very early the next morning before anyone was awake.  I wrote him an appreciative thank you letter, and never heard from him again.

Not quite true: more out of curiosity than yearning, I broke the habit of a lifetime – I was brought up never ever to ring a man; it was drilled into me as fatal  – and five weeks later thought fuck it nothing to lose and left a message on his mobile asking if he’d like to come to supper that weekend.  He rang straight back, was perfectly charming but said he was busy.

I have never heard from him again.  And nor do I want to in fact.  (Nor, having touched my toe in the water of calling a man, will I ever do so again.  Some girls do it all the time and get men panting after them, but I’m obviously not the type who can carry off this dangerous trick). I think his behaviour was so puzzling.  Such a mixture of signals.

My feelings about him today are both harsh and indifferent.

I just wish these men wouldn’t fuck with the heads of planktons.

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§ 18 Responses to Snowman lll

  • leftatforty says:

    I have now learnt not to misinterpret vague gestures from men as more than what they really are: vague gestures.

    If he doesn’t call he is not interested, no matter what excuse he is giving: busy, rain, etc… (wasn’t this a Sex in the City episode?)

    • plumgrape says:

      I think there is too much propaganda in women’s worlds ie like “Sex in the City”!
      Why should a man always call? Why can’t you call him?
      John Gray (Mars & Venus) says “God gave women 6000 words a day and men 2000!” He then shows how to try to deal with this difference.
      I also have seen a marvelous woman continually criticize me, one I could deeply love, but I feel a truly loving relationship is paramount in the first instance and happiness in the second. I must then say it sure is difficult to call repeatedly to invite more criticism, especially when you don’t want to criticize her at all, be it for anything or for her drinking! How does one repeatedly call in the face of criticism and derision in front of your nose? The problem is: I think Plankton is an angel.

  • Buster says:

    Men are just as complicated as women. Just as many thick ones too.
    There could have been so many reasons and it may not have been anything to do with you. Maybe his ex, or maybe he was seeing how you’d fit in with his family and decided you wouldn’t, or maybe he’s just impotent, who knows? He may have had too much respect for you to sleep with you, knowing it wasn’t going to last.
    We’re all attracted to people who aren’t really into us, and sooner or later no-one even notices us at all! Growing old is a hard experience, but we’re all in it. If you’re a man with charisma or money you may enjoy a little longer shelf life, but there would have probably been years in the wilderness experienced by even these men in their younger years. Every dog has it’s day, too. There are lots of quiet men who never get noticed, being labelled as ‘too boring’ by most women.
    Life’s not fair but then again we aren’t fair with eachother, so who are we to judge or moan about how others see us.
    It’s easy to feel sorry for ourselves but it can be very self-indulgent. Now i’m older I try to notice all the sad people who never get noticed & always show a friendly face. I suggest you start doing the same, as it is about the only positive thing we can do with an unwinnable situation.
    Also, think about what you can give & not about what you can get.

  • Re: “I was brought up never ever to ring a man; it was drilled into me as fatal.”: I have spent most of my adult life pathologically shy. Not until I took up teaching did my life change. Oh why “never ever to ring a man; it was drilled into me as fatal.”? I find this shocking. So I wait all my life for you and fail because I am shy you wait all your life for me because you “never ever ring a man”? I think this is shocking. No wonder we are so lonely! I have seen so many women I would have loved to meet and talk to and with whom I could have been so very happy. Where on earth and how on earth could you have ever got your idea? Who gave it to you, and moreover why was I not told that this was being said to you? It might have helped me understand!

    • Sarah says:

      It’s true of our generation, this ‘don’t ring a man’ thing. I’m the same age as Plankton and had the same crap about appearing too forward, being a shameless hussy, no man likes a woman who chases him etc. rammed down my throat. I got the ‘no sex before marriage’ message too, very firmly. (I didn’t listen, natch).

      Much like in the olden days, nice girls were expected to wait until a man showed interest and then behave coyly if she liked him too. If the man was too shy, they both stayed single.

      Men and women have been misunderstanding each other since time began (probably), not helped by meddling religion and social etiquette.

  • Hope that this does not fit into “acted so oddly, and oddly in such a variety of ways…”

    IF you promise not to upload it onto your blogpage for the entire world to read, do you want me to email my cell phone number to you?

    I’ll have to learn a little bit more about you, and I’m assuming that you’ll likely want to learn at least a few things about me, but if you still want to, I think that we can likely work things out so that you’ll no longer have reason to be blogging about difficulties finding a man that you can become intimate with…

  • Am I “…emailing man?”

    Your head is not the part of you that I want, as you put it “fuck with” (your words)

    I don’t actually view you as “bottom feeder” material at all, but I only know what I’ve read about you from your article in The Times 3 weeks ago plus your blog page…

  • asjbendall. says:

    Stood down. Beautiful sunshine, collected tremendous selection of vegetables from the garden, allotment and greenhouse. The chickens are still not laying,however, I have mown the orchards. Stormwind, I have heeded your advice! Sarah Hague, Loved Aubagne many happy memories! especially around The Calanques and La Ciotat! Miss Bates, The Vanderbilt Gate, The Conservatory Garden, you also are so lucky. Plankton, unfortuneately some gentleman such as myself lead individual and unique lives early on, that it is only now that a new and exciting chapter in life can begin, with an understanding and adventurous recruit, friend, partner in lifestyle challenges, I will continue to monitor your unique observations on the subject from the female perspective.Life is about trust. truth and knowing you are the very best in everything you do! Respect your sexuality and womanhood.

  • Don’t get why you’re not even a little bit curious enough to write back to me?

    If you can wait a little bit until the fall, I really will have the time to travel out to England if you’re interested…

  • mel says:

    far far better to be alone than with the wrong person…………
    he needed to be honest and straightforward about his intentions and he wasn’t , his loss i think.
    me, i’m on the lookout for a “friends with benefits ” relationship out here in the sticks but can i find one?
    ah well, as i say, better alone that with the wrong one.

  • Nina says:

    er, sorry Scott, you sound like a bit of a creep…

  • Is this true, Ms “plankton?” I did my best not to sound too “creepy”…

    • Buster says:

      I wouldn’t use “creepy”, but you do look a bit ‘wet’ in your photo & come across likewise,- no offense intended, just how it comes across. The body language & everything is plain wrong. You just need to work on your self-image, I think. Need to come across as more manly, maybe. That’s just how shallow it all is, unfortunately.

      Look up the phsychology of dating by David somebody or other (mght be DeAngelo) for a good insight to what a load of bollocks it all is, and you’ll also then understand why even Planctons are fussy.

      It’s all just “monkey brains’, believe me!

  • coyroym says:

    Why be shy of calling a guy. Why do you think it is easy for the guy doing the calling? We have the same fears of brush off or of misreading signals. Can I suggest you try Salsa or better still some Ceroc dancing. Many of the people who go are single. You dont have to turn up with a partner. They love to dance and if they meet someone they like it is a bonus. One dance with a stranger is an easy way to spend a few minutes together without the difficulty of passing on. When the music ends you can just walk away. But best of all in it completely normal for the girls to ask to guys for a dance and no-one ever refuses. It would break the barrier you have of not taking the initiative when the urge arises to call. It will also be good for your self esteem to find your company in demand as I am sure it will be.

  • Such men just want time with women at THEIR convenience. Hence it’s mixed signals they’re giving. Appears to enjoy our company then will disappear for weeks on end because they’re busy. However once they are out with you, they will act as if you’re a couple ( holding hands/waist/ light pecks and kisses ). What’s going on here?
    I’m done with such men. NEXT!

    • plumgrape says:

      Interesting that you even have the concept of “NEXT!”! What happened to working problems out, to have and to hold and for so long as you both shall live? NEXT? Call the fellow I say if you are interested or be a pot that might call the kettle black.

  • Joost says:

    You do realize that in dating men that you both play the waiting game and both will not bluntly throw your wishes and demands on the table? You cannot expect a man to give you what you want without being clear on this, but you also fear losing him if you are too forward.
    I would say that there are 2 parties giving off mixed signals at this point.

    Being a bit younger, all serious dating still takes a few weeks between dates, logically moreso among people whom have built their own lives, grew more independent and might be afraid and hurt by previous experiences.

    You sound just like me when I was younger Magdalene. I would love to find a nice girl to be my partner, but forgot that it still requires two people to really fall for eachother and actually build something before it can be called a relationship.

    Again, as much as it may hurt, this is exactly the dating experience all young men go through. Now the tables seem to have turned in later age and though it is hardly fair, it simply is the state of things.

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