Companionship is All

August 5, 2011 § 93 Comments

A while ago I was staying with a friend whose marriage was not going well.  She and I had to go out to collect something on Saturday evening.  It was late and dark when we began to drive back to her house and the road we needed to take was closed for roadworks.  My friend stopped the car and called her husband.  He helped her with alternative directions and home we went.

The call she made was the kind of mundane call husbands and wives make to each other several times a day; not directions necessarily, but the one thing or another that makes up the detailed fabric of a person’s hourly existence: “Did you manage to talk to Bill about that appointment?”; “I found those papers you were looking for,”; “Some arsehole trod on my toe on the bus and it’s still throbbing,”; “Amy’s asked herself round on Friday, is that OK with you?” ; “When did you say you were going to Sheffield?”; “Do you remember when Tom said such and such?  Fuck that was funny!”  On it goes – some might say boring gobshite and please God spare them from it – but to my mind it is the oil of human relationships.  I love all that shit.

We all know normal relationships and marriage are not one long barrel of laughs or bed of roses.  In fact, the shared history, the mutual family and friends and memories, and the banal shit, you realise, is the good stuff, not just the anniversary parties or fuck-off holidays and razzmatazz.  All that’s OK – though the fuck-off holiday, not that I’ve been on many, is invariably over-rated – but it’s the day to day stuff that, once gone, I miss more, strangely enough, and I suspect other planktons feel the same.  I see married friends living it without realising its worth.  When I said to my friend how precious it was that she had someone she could call at midnight and ask for directions and, crucially, who had a vested interest in her not winding up in Aberdeen, I wasn’t meaning to sound whinging or preachy or sorry for myself.  It wasn’t said in that spirit and in fact, she entirely took my point.  It’s little things like that, when I point them out to friends in difficult marriages, that actually bring home to them what they stand to lose if they decided to rock the boat.  They invariably say they had never thought of that; that that had never crossed their mind.  Of course, they were thinking, if they left their husbands, more in terms of the effect on the kids, the emotional and practical complexities of unravelling a life together. This is what people focus on more.  It is only when they are out the other side, and have time to reflect (and regret?), that the deep resonance of the day to day with someone else – so taken for granted that it hadn’t even registered – is painfully missed.

I think it is important at this point to establish that the reason myself and other planktons would like to find a companion – partner, husband, what you will – is for the joys of just being with someone.  I liked being in relationships and then I liked being married, yes, for all the mundane daily stuff as well as the sweeping big life events such as the births of children.  Get a life, one person wrote in response to my blog; don’t define yourself by having a man in your life.  That was to get me SO WRONG, to misunderstand me so utterly. OK, so my marital status currently stands at “divorcee” – or plankton – and this is a creature seen by some sections of society as seriously wanting to say the least.  Of course, the plankton status is hardly easy or enviable, which is why I am writing this blog.  Obviously, in some ways, it is one whole lot easier to be a woman of a certain age and with someone as opposed to alone, but that is not the reason I want to be with someone.  I want to be with someone because, if it is the right person, there is nothing better in the world – the holidays and social life and moving in together, to be sure, all that, but also the low-key stuff which must never be underestimated and which, I suspect all planktons crave more: chatting on a walk together; browsing in a bookshop; going to a movie/play/gallery/whatever and comparing thoughts about it; sitting in a room not talking, even, quite happy before one or the other or both of you suddenly breaks the silence and suggests making supper; wrangling about the route; saying, do you fancy a cup of tea?  I am thinking of all the most unscintillating shit I can think of here, the more to make my point.

That is why I want to be with someone; not as a means of upping my “status” or giving me “definition”, even if I do feel it is fucking humiliating to be a plankton.

Advertisements

§ 93 Responses to Companionship is All

  • Suzie Percy says:

    You have said EXACTLY how I feel and what it is like to be in this position, and also how difficult it is to explain to ones wonderful and well meaning friends what it is to be alone.The lack of being able to share with that special person in your life,the knowing that no special person out there is thinking about YOU ,all sorts of things !

  • You are so right.
    Since my wife died, I have had “No one to do nothing with”. It is terrible.

  • Penny says:

    Just read the last comment. What you say is all true, its not just the good bits, holidays, parties, christmas with someone, it is the every day calls that people in relationships take for granted,but us singletons miss terribly. Having an interview for a job (which has happened to me) and come home to an empty house, so you have to pick up the phone and talk to a friend. Thats when I notice the big gap in my life.

    As for the people who come out with stupid comments like “get a life”, they obviously have no idea how it feels to be on your own, and are very insensitive, I’ve noticed a couple of pointless comments on this site.

    This weekend I’m going to a Museam on my owm its an exhibition I want to see, thats gettng on with my life, and we are all doing that in our own way. But we would rather it was all with someone.

    In the meantime, we all have to get on and do lots of stuff, as you never know who you might meet around the corner, glass half full!

  • june says:

    Know what you mean, few weeks ago i went on a shopping trip with 2 good friends we had a lovely girly day but on way home motorway was closed so we had to take long diversion to get home. They had to ring partners of course, me it didnt matter what time i got home, id get back to an empty flat anyway, it does make you think.

    Also a crowd of us went to see bridesmaids, it was hilarious and i did have a good time, but when i got home, i just had to weep, my flat seemed so empty and think the film got to me as of course every women in the film, however grotty, and they were not in first flush of youth , got a man. as though there is always a happy ending but of course there isnt.When my friend found out what had happened she said i know it must be awful living on your own all the time, but youve got lots friends, we all love you, well yes thats lovely and i know its true, but your blog sums up what i think a lot of coupled up people dont see, its the little things, someone once said ive plentty people to do things with, noone to do nothing with..Those weekends when coupled up friends are doing stuff together, or with kids and you are on your own, thats when it hits you., Mine is worse as im an only child, my parents are dead and i dont have any kids, I do belong to a social group but weekend events there seem to revolve round bike rides and long hikes, none of which interest me, or rather forced evening functions and to be honest ive got enough good friends i dont need anymore..

  • peluchka says:

    I miss just “checking in” with someone… and them “checking in” with me. And I don’t mean a permissions thing, I mean someone just calling me for nothing, to tell me all the inconsequential stuff that yes, is the cement of our relationships.

    • Mack says:

      Why call someone for absolutely no reason? Defies logic and seems totally pointless.

      Oops, i forgot.
      You’re a woman.

  • Lo says:

    Very well put. I can’t speak for anyone other than myself, but having someone to share things with, is for me, one of the great pleasures in life. A mishap like getting lost on a journey is a pain when you are on your own but having the right person to share it with can turn it into an adventure. These adventures make my heart soar, they make me feel alive

  • DAN says:

    PLANGTON,
    THAT IS THE VERY FIRST TIME THAT YOU TRULY BLOGGED WHAT YOUR ALL ABOUT FROM THE INSIDE ,AND SAID IT VERY WELL.
    NOT IN A WHINGING OR DESPERATE WAY BUT RATHER A LOSS OF ALL THAT WAS GOOD IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOUR BREAKUP
    .
    THE PROBLEM IS THAT EVERY READER OF YOUR BLOG,
    (THAT IS OF COURSE THE ONES THAT ARE EITHER SEPERATED OR DIVORCED)
    WILL BE ,OR HAS SAID TO THEMSELVES THE VERY SAME THINGS,LIKE, I MISS HAVING SOMEBODY TO TALK TO INTIMATLY, THAT TOUCH, THAT DEPENDANCE ON SOMEONE THAT YOU KNOW WOULD BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT WHEN YOU NEED THEM.
    SHARING MOMENTS THAT CAN EITHER BE MUNDANE OR SPECIAL,BUT IN REALITY” ALL OF THEM ARE SPECIAL”.

    MY VERY WISE MOTHER ONCE SAID TO ME
    “YOU WILL NEVER MISS SOMETHING UNTIL IT IS GONE”
    AND BOY WAS SHE RIGHT!

    I THINK THE HOLIDAY THAT YOUR HAVING WITH YOUR FAMILY IS OBVIOUSLY CAUSING YOU TO REMINIS ABOUT THINGS THAT YOU VALUED AND OBVIOUSLY HAD AT ONE STAGE IN YOUR MARRIAGE, AND THE SENTIMENT CAN BE SEEN IN YOUR CHOICE OF WORDS.
    GOOD TO GET IT OUT ISEN’T IT!

    A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM HALVED!

    YOU’VE GOT TO STOP PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN!

    YOU ARE A VERY INTELLIGENT, SENSITIVE,BEAUTIFUL WOMAN LOOKING FOR THE SAME QUALITIES IN A PARTNER THAT WE ARE ALL LOOKING FOR.
    A SOULMATE, LOVER AND BEST FRIEND!
    THEY ARE HARD TO FIND , BUT I HAVE NO DOUBT YOU WILL FIND THAT SPECIAL PERSON.MAYBE NOT TODAY,MAYBE NOT TOMOROW, BUT YOU WILL, I CAN FEEL IT.
    GOOD HUNTING.
    DAN.

    • DAN says:

      SORRY PLANKTON,
      BUT YOUR BLOG REALLY HIT HOME TODAY!
      I WAS DOING WELL UP ‘TILL NOW.
      BUT YOU REALLY HIT BASE WITH THIS ONE.
      IT BROUGHT MEMORIES FLOODING BACK THAT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO COPE WITH UNTIL TODAY AFTER BEING SEPERATED FOR THE LAST FIFTEEN MONTHS.

      IT HAS EXPLAINED TO ME THE VERY REASON WHY I AM NOT EVEN OUT THERE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, AND EVEN WHEN THE OPPERTUNITY ARRISES, STILL SHY AWAY FROM IT.
      I FEEL THAT I WOULD BE CHEATING ON MY SEPERATED WIFE IF I DID SO!
      HOW FUCKING SAD IS THAT!

      YOU SEE IM STILL IN MOURNING, STILL IN LOVE WITH THAT PERSON THAT I MARRIED ALL THOSE YEARS AGO, AND DONT THINK I’LL EVER , EVER GET OVER IT.

      I’M LIKE THE MAGPIE! CHOOSES A MATE AND DECIDES TO SPEND THE REST OF ITS NATURAL LIFE WITH THAT PARTNER, NO MATTER WHAT!
      I MEANT THOSE VOWS WHEN I SAID THEM ON THE ALTER THE MORNING THAT I GOT MARRIED, AND YES DIPSHIT THAT I AM, I INTEND TO STAY FAITHFUL TO THOSE VOWS,
      ” TILL DEATH DO US PART”

      WHOS A REAL FUCKED UP MALE PLANKTON NOW!

      SORRY BLOGGERS FOR FUCKING UP YOUR DAY WITH MY CONTINUES WHINGING!

      MAYBE, JUST MAYBE IT MIGHT HELP SOMEONE READING THESE BLOGS TO THINK AGAIN BEFORE YOU THROW IT ALL AWAY.

      AT LEAST THEN IT WILL HAVE ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING.

      DAN

    • Leftatforty says:

      Dan, your caps are locked.

      • Lulu says:

        Leftatforty – love it!
        Dan – Thank you for sharing. I have been in a ‘relationship’ which I outgrew many years ago, but have stayed emotionally involved with this person simply for that reason – the little day-to-day things, to know someone is thinking of me, to have someone to go out with, to chew things over with, to get a takeaway with, to have that emotional support. As much as the relationship-side of things is over, we are each other’s best friend and are both finding it hard to move on and accept it’s over.
        Yes, we love each other, but in a brother/sister way.
        Yes, I would love a new relationship.
        However we have built up so much over so many years that starting afresh is looking quite scary but yet I know I am missing out on so much.
        Companionship is so important and living without it so hard.
        Plankton, thanks for such a great post. I am really loving your blog.

      • The Plankton says:

        Dear Lulu, Thank you so much for your kind comment. Forgive my haste – am on holiday and have so many comments that I cannot reply to them all – but I just wanted to thank you for your particularly kind words. I am so delighted that you are enjoying the blog. That’s wonderful to hear. All best wishes, Plankton

  • catherine says:

    These days I hear those conversations taking place between my ex-husband and his new lady. That laughter. Those silly comments. It’s unreasonable because he is the man I left, but I do feel a twinge. And now yes, there is no one to worry whether I reach the house after midnight, or the car has broken down, or the cat has had six kittens. It is tiring, singledom, silence, the agitation, the silence. And yet, I had the wrong partner for a while there, the enthusiastic new lover, and I found I suffered from desperate suffocation.

    Good companionship is all. The other can be quite tainting.

  • Chris says:

    Well, a lot of people divorce thinking it is all going to be so great, especially women. I mean, women do initiate most of the divorces in Britain. I mean, those silly magazines tell them how great their new found freedom will be. You know the mags, the ones you find in the Doctors waiting room. Unfortunately real life ain’t like that. George Clooney is not gonna sweep you off your feet but you might just meet a Levi Belfield !! Many good men have been tossed away by women who did not realise at the time that the grass is not always greener. I have a feeling that you are not just looking for any man but that rather you a looking for what is known as a ‘ quality ‘ man. In doing so you contribute to your own plight

    • Debs says:

      The reason so many women instigate divorce is that the bloody men have gone off looking for the greener grass!!!

    • Sarah Hague says:

      And many women have been tossed away for the younger model.

      Women divorce to look for the BBD (bigger better deal).
      Men divorce to swap the used model for the new one (who they’ve already found and have waiting off-stage).

      Getting divorced was foul but being divorced is great.

      • Mack says:

        Well, the tragedy for many women is that the BBD just doesn’t make an appearance (at least if this blog is anything to go by).

        At least on the positive side, staying single will certainly be great news for the cat world.

  • stormwind says:

    Plankton – are you for real? You do realize how much of this is in your own head? “Plankton” (the title) – it’s a joke, right? It’s a send up of the stupid stereotypes and prejudices that exist, but no one with half a brain believes them. You sound like you are starting to believe you’re “plankton”!!!

    There’s nothing remotely humiliating about being a divorcee – actually, I think it can be rather glamorous. Single can carry a bit of a stigma (but really, only if you let it), but having at least one divorce behind you seems to be a social requirement for anyone over 45.

    You say you’re missing companionship – but you’re on holiday with your family and kids. Aren’t your family and kids companions? Not in partner sense, but still people who share the same life space and history, and who you can share the details of daily life with. If not, maybe now is a good time to get to know them. (How do your kids feel about you moping around about being “plankton”? Is that how they see you? Or how you want them to see you?)

    Surely you have friends/family you can go to bookshop/movie etc with? You can talk to them too!

    You say you don’t define yourself by having a man, but everything you write suggests you do. I appreciate that you’ve been in a marriage for a long time, and have come to take things for granted – but trust me, there is life as single, and it’s not all bad. Start by appreciating your family. Men will come and go – the family are there for life.

    Come to that, is your friend for real? She can’t find her own way round a set of roadworks? Has women’s lib failed us that badly – or is she just geographically challenged and needs a sat. nav.?

    • tony says:

      “There’s nothing remotely humiliating about being a divorcee – actually, I think it can be rather glamorous. Single can carry a bit of a stigma (but really, only if you let it), but having at least one divorce behind you seems to be a social requirement for anyone over 45.”

      you are lying or delusional. or you’re just trying to be “cool.” good thing you are liberated from social requirements so that you can follow other social requirements.

    • Bambi says:

      Stormwind, I always enjoy your comments and insights. And I had exactly the same thought re use of sat.nav (I use mine all the time!). For God’s sake. Even when I was married, the last person I would have phoned would have been current husband!

      On the question of humiliation…. After many years of separation, I am finally, I hope, on the brink of divorce (future-ex-husband (FEX) never wanted and still does not want a divorce, despite having replaced me (sort of) with someone just a couple of years my junior whom he described as “shiny and new”. Chris, take note!) I agree that there is nothing humiliating about being a divorcee – but I do recall an overwhelming sense of humiliation at the early stage when FEX told me that he was having an affair and when it became known generally (still not sure which came first!!!). At that time, I felt that there would have been more dignity in widowhood; I felt that I was a failure; that a “failed marriage” = bereavement+ humiliation+ inadequacy, whereas widowhood = bereavement. (No “blame” attached).

      Note to all the widows/widowers on this blog: I am in NO WAY diminishing your sad – and very lonely – plight. Bereavement, with or without humiliation, is devastating. Stet. I’m just trying to develop the humiliation theme.

      In the intervening years, I have, happily, dealt with and, to a large extent overcome, the feelings of humiliation (though they still do surface occasionally, in certain circumstances). Am only surmising, but perhaps Plankton just hasn’t worked through this stage yet…..

      Meanwhile, I am looking forward to being a glamorous divorcee….. Bring it on!

      • Mack says:

        ‘glamorous divorcee’?
        I LOL’ed pretty hard on that one.

        Just let me know how that works out for you.

    • Firelady says:

      Stormwind….guess you just don’t understand the place Plankton’s life is at at present.

      How anyone can seriously suggest being a divorcee is glamorous has to be a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

      Divorce brings money worries, security worries, identity problems, confidence problems. Fears about your future life, mourning for the past life you had.

      Divorce can be devastating for children. I have three and they were quite small when their father left and they have all suffered as a result. In different ways and at different times but they one overriding thing has been that they are not part of a “normal” family and that has been the overwhelming sadness for me and something I never envisaged they would have to go through.

      I understand how Plankton feels. I am 46. Divorced 6 years. And it is lonely. I have my children but they have their own lives too and they certainly don’t need their embarassing mother trailing round after them. It would be very wrong of me to live my life through them.

      When the author of the blog talks about the loneliness, of missing the little things she is absolutely right. It’s the feeling of not having an adult around to chat through your day with. Or to watch the news with and talk about what’s happening. Yes I have lots of friends but you don’t do that sort of thing with them. The feeling of missing the companionship is sometimes overwhelming.

      Just being part of something, having a partner to sweat the small stuff with would be lovely. Many times over the past eight years I have felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of these three children, overwhelmed by the feeling that I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing for them and having no one to talk over the things you’re worried about is a very sad thing.

      On holiday it’s about having someone to sit hand in hand in with a glass of wine just enjoying just being together. Just because someone has children and friends doesn’t mean that all her needs are taken care of.
      There are many things that children and friends can’t provide.

      I suspect Stormwind is not over 40 and certainly not divorced. I am saddened at the lack of sympathy for someone who is certainly going through a difficult stage in life and has helped many other people by acknowledging and writing about it

  • DAN says:

    Just as a footnote to all the people that are either about to set out on a relationship, or are in a relationship,and thinking about ending the one your in that are reading this blog!
    After my fuckup i must impart information with you that just might change your mind about where it is you really think you are, or where you might be heading.
    Everybody has a role to play in a relationship!
    Normally, the male goes out to work and provides for his family.
    The female (obviously depending on income requirements and the career aspirations of the female must be taken into consideration ) stays at home and minds the kids etc…
    The simplest way of describing this situation is to compare a family to tree!
    If that tree root is watered every day , and given nourishment, that tree will grow and blossom year after year.
    But take away either the water or the nourishment and that tree will die!
    Marriage or a partnership is the exact same.
    It takes time and effort.
    Unknowingly the water feed to the tree can be derailed, if nobody is watching it.
    Things like work, financial problems,kids,lifestyle changes and even bereavements can all cause that water feed to derail!
    In my case it was kids!
    They needed to furher their education and by god, by hook or crook, if my kids wanted to go to university ,i was going to make sure that they got there!
    Acomadation, food, clothes, books, laptops were all made available.
    So did i not only get a second job, but had to get a third job!
    (3 kids in college together at the same time)
    This went on for 5 years.
    They are all through college now, qualified and working ,in good jobs!
    But at what cost?
    MY MARRIAGE.
    You see i consentrated on the leaves of the tree and forgot about the root. I worked myself into the ground to get them to a better place than where i was.
    Who wouldent do that for their kids?
    No point in having them unless your going to mind them!
    But on the day my youngest daughter graduated, my wife informed me that after 28 years of marriage, she was leaving me!
    Too many nights sleeping on her own, and all of the items u described in your companionship blog missing.
    So heres the thing.
    never neglect the root.
    Thats the foundation of everything!
    The wind may rock it, the sun may scorch it, BUT IF IT’S WATERED AND NOURISHED THERE IS NOTHING TO COMPARE TO IT!

    I LOST MY BEST FRIEND, LOVER AND SOULMATE.

    DONT YOU DO THE SAME!

    YOU’LL NEVER GET OVER IT ,JUST LIKE I CANT!

    DAN.

  • DAN says:

    PLANKTON ,
    I DONT THINK U KNOW WHAT YOU’VE STARTED HERE!
    YOUR LAST BLOG WAS DOWN TO EARTH AND SHOWED A BIT OF THE REAL YOU!
    LETS TAKE IT UP A STEP AND PUT A FACE TO THIS PERSON KNOWN ONLY TO US AS PLANKTON.
    HOW ABOUT A PICTURE OF YOU ON THE BLOG SO THAT WE CAN IDENTIFY OR RELATE WITH WHO WE’RE BLOGGING WITH!
    WE CAN ALL IDENTIFY WITH WHERE YOU ARE AT THE MOMENT, BUT A VISUAL WOULD BE GOOD!
    MAYBE THEN OTHER BLOGGERS WILL DO THE SAME!

    STORMWIND YOU NEED YOU TO DO THE SAME!
    LIKED YOUR COMMENTS!

    EVERYBODY NEEDS TO BE HONEST HERE AND SAY WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL! NO HOLDS BARRED.
    IF THIS IS RUN RIGHT IT COULD HELP A LOT OF PEOPLE DURING THIS DIFFICULT TIME.

    FREINDSHIPS CAN BE STARTED,AND SOULS HEALED.

    ANYBODY AGREE WITH ME OUT THERE?

    DAN

    • valpaparazzi says:

      I don’t think Plankton should come out, Dan. It’s like the eyes behind a fan; teasing, coquettish (although coquettish probably isn’t the best word to describe her, but I’m sure you get my drift.) I rather like the idea that she, and anyone else on the blog, can rant with impunity. But perhaps my system isn’t working properly because I don’t see YOUR photo.

    • Miss J says:

      Dan, I think the anonymity of the site makes for a much more honest content – there are plenty of places for us to display our picture, age, social situation etc so I doubt many will follow your advice to “out” ourselves!

      Just reading your comments regarding what happened in your situation makes me sad – it also makes me wonder why my ex husband couldn’t show as much dedication to our family and decided to go seek solace in the arms (and legs) of the local bike! Ahh well, his loss – and your ex wife’s too I might add. Good luck making new friends and you never know….

    • Bambi says:

      Nope. I don’t. Sorry.

  • Maggie says:

    My thoughts exactly!! People need to learn to treasure their relationships more – whether it be friend, lover, husband, wife, brother, sister, mum, dad etc… It is the little things that we do for one another, because we care that life so much richer for us all xx

  • EmGee says:

    I wish my last boyfriend could have read this. We were in a very airy, happy relationship, until a past S/O started texting him mercilessly and reminded him what it was like to be in a ‘trapped’ relationship. He got scared and ran. I miss his companionship most of all, just a you described it.

  • DJP says:

    I’m 50-ish, and would rather like to be in a relationship.

    My problem is that I have been driven into near penury by an particularly obnoxious and vindictive member of the sisterhood. As a result, I am unable to afford the things that a 45y year old woman might expect from a man of my age….. bitter, me, never!

    • DJP says:

      The lack of responses to my comment by the *hard-done-to* women tells the whole story.

      What it tells me is that they are, as a group, responsible for the predicament that they find themselves in. Men of their own age have been royally shafted BY their sisters, leaving men who either aren’t interested in being tortured again, OR can’t afford to take the risks,

      Be careful what you wish for, you might not like what you get and ALWAYS be aware of unintended consequences

      • Bambi says:

        Did I miss something? I don’t see any other comment from DJP, apart from the one at 8.38am berating hard-done-by women for not responding to an earlier comment. Just wondering.

        As for such women being “responsible as a group” for “shafting” men and needing to “be careful what we wish for”….. I would just like to state that what I wished for was to live a full, loving and (hopefully mostly) happy life with my husband, whatever it threw at us, and to grow old and die with him. In our 20 years together, I did not so much as look at – much less wish for – any other man or any other circumstances. Should I, then, have been aware that the “unintended consequence” of this wish might be that my husband might shatter my every hope and dream by lying and cheating…..?

        Just as I do not tarnish all men with the same brush as that which applied to my ex, nor do I expect to be lumped in with shafting, torturing, dissatisfied “sisters”…. (Even though I may have felt and sometimes still do feel, a little hard done by…..)

        Equally, I have come across men around my own age who, while they may have been shafted by any one of these ghastly women portrayed by DJP, do not carry their experience with bitterness and are, at some level perhaps, willing to dip a toe in the water…

        Generalisations are unhelpful, methinks…..

      • Wheely says:

        On behalf of all the genuine men there are, you have my deepest sympathy, Bambi. May all the arsehole blokes end up with all the bitchy, ‘shafting’ women they deserve, and may all the decent men & women like you see through the negativity and find eachother.
        We must all stop taring all the oposite sex with the same brush & start to see the real people.
        That is what I have finally managed to do in my 40’s and I’ve found an Angel who I adore!

      • Bambi says:

        Thanks, Wheely…. I guess I’m at the stage where I see through the negativity…just haven’t happened upon that “decent man” yet….which is ok too…..may happen “When Least Expected”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂

        Ups…..Just realised, too, that I said “tarnish” instead of “tar” , in my haste at posting a comment…mea culpa…..got carried away in the excitement of all this blogging business (not used to it, really!)

        Mind that angel…… how lovely….. I would like to be adored – and adore -again…..Does that make me Plankton the 2nd…?!

      • Wheely says:

        “Mind that Angel”!?………Oh yes! Here’s a present I did for her recently.
        I think it answers the question!!

    • Bambi says:

      Aha, this (DJP, Aug 5th, 7.03) was the comment that was not showing up when I sent my response (Aug 7th, 2.29pm)….

      Interesting, DJP, that you did not respond to MY comment…..

      You have had a nightmare experience with one woman and seem to assume, therefore, that we are all the same….. Which is a shame. ‘Cos we aren’t!

  • Propernormal says:

    Dear Plankton,

    I read your blog today and i feel the same way as you wrote.

    It has been and still is..a difficult and a lonely journey for the last 13 years as a divorcee.Im staying with my parents and yet i still yearn for a companion to share my life with.

    Each time i go out,i see all around me, couples,young and old,together and it aches my heart to feel left out.

    Whenever i attend any functions especially weddings,tears well up in my eyes and a lump forms in my throat seeing the happy couples and i feel left out.

    From time to time when i see my siblings and their respective partners going about their daily lives as couples, i feel left out.

    Im still going on as i have a child and my parents to love and care. I keep telling myself that God must know the pain i feel and He must be aware how much my heart aches to feel left out.

    Thank you for the writing the blog,Plankton.It brings solace to my heart.

    Regards
    Propernormal

  • june says:

    i really have to say i felt a bit put put with the everyone over 45 has to have a divoce, us singles,ie never lived with anyone, never been married, are not all freakish spinsters you know. i just never met the right person and i wouldnt put up with second best, my mum always used to say you are only child love, you wont always have me and your dad, find someone but it didnt happen. People say but you are an attractive women, why not, well how the hell should i know, it didnt. I lived with my lovely dad til bout 4 years ago, then he went into care, he died last year. , The next couple years were taken up with an illness from which i fully recovered, planning move to city where i worked,i was sick commuting, i had friends here, and i do live here happily,but im not sure i will ever get used to living alone all time, as someone said when you do go out,and probably enjoy yourself , you always come home to an empty flat, and the silence can be deafening. facebook is useful but its not quite same, and most of my friends, good and caring though they are, have partners or if not chidren and or grandchildren.

    i have joined dating websites but i find men of my age just too old for me, I feel like im out with my dad, met one for coffee today, but nothing, perhaps as most of my friends are younger than me, i just cant identify with men my own age. i think plankton is speaking for us all from the heart. she is obviously not prepared to accept just anyone and why should she or any of us but sadly feel if we are so discriminating we we will end up alone.

  • Nina says:

    oufff…I think Plankton touched a raw nerve….and so she has; as a younger plankton I’ve been following her posts and, have to say, I agree with almost all – I mean, hell, I signed up to a dating site and have 13 “fans”, sounds good?
    er, the youngest one is 43, the oldest one is 56 – I am 35……… think this proves Plankton’s basic theory…..
    in fact, reminds me of the episode in season 6 of Sex in The City when Candice Bergen has a go at Carrie after flirting with the russian at a party…..something along the lines of “your wading in my pool”!

  • DAN says:

    NINA,
    YOU HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM!
    YOUR TYPE OF THINKING IS WHY THOUSANDS OF LONELY HEARTS WILL BE AT HOME ALL ALONE TONITE!
    I KNOW AT LEAST THIRTY PEOPLE THAT WOULD LOVE TO HAVE THE COMPANY OF JUST ONE PERSON TONITE!
    SOMEBODY THAT YOU CAN RELATE WITH, JUST TO TALK, HUG OR KISS EVEN !
    ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN BEING ALL ALONE

    YOU HAVE THIRTEEN! HELLO!

    I ALSO KNOW AT LEAST SEVEN COUPLES PERSONALLY THAT ARE IN FRUITFUL, MEANING RELATIONSHIPS AND HAVE AGE GAPS OF UP TO TWENTY YEARS, ARE TOTALY HAPPY, AND IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT LOOK SURE TO CONTINUE.

    WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
    ARE YOU A PRUDE?
    OR DO YOU THINK THAT THE WORLD IS GOING TO STOP AND JUST REVOLVE AROUND YOU?

    IF SO I AM SORRY FOR YOU!
    IN TWENTY YEARS TIME YOU’LL STILL BE ON THAT DATING SITE , AND WILL FIND MAYBE THAT SOME YOUNGER PERSON LOOKING FOR COMPANY WILL BE SAYING THE SAME THING ABOUT YOU AS YOU ARE SAYING AT THE MOMENT !
    BUT BY THEN IT WILL BE TOO LATE.
    YOUR THIRTEEN WILL HAVE REDUCED DOWN TO ZERO MAYBE, JUST LIKE THE 43 TO 56 YEAR OLDS THAT YOU OBVIOUSLY WOULDENT BE CAUGHT DEAD WITH AT THE MOMENT WITHOUT EVEN GIVING THEM A CHANCE!

    I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU!

    YOU WILL FIND OUT SOMEDAY THAT 35 VERY SOON BECOMES 45 AND SO ON, AND WHILE YOUR ASPIRATIONS OR HOPES MAY NOT DWINDLE , I CAN GUARENTEE YOUR CHOICES WILL!

    TAKE A CHANCE AT LEAST!
    THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN IS THAT YOU MIGHT MAKE A NEW FRIEND!
    GOD FORBID THAT THAT SHOULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE!
    WHO NEEDS FRIENDS?
    RIGHT.

    DAN.

  • jack says:

    I was ignored by women during their bad-boy phase of the 20s and 30s. I experienced what you are experiencing now.

    Now, in my 40s, I have many interested women, but the problem was that they taught me too well how to do without them.

    Now it is their turn to feel lonely. Sorry. I wish I could shed a tear for them, but they are only eating the dish they spent serving to good men for 20+ years.

    If you would not have dated me when I was 20, I will not date you when you are 50.

    So while you are sitting alone watching TV, think of all the dateless and lonely nights lived by your nice-guy friends that were sweet, but not “attractive” enough to date. And realize that karma eventually finds us, and delivers.

  • stormwind says:

    Dan, could you stop SHOUTING please? It makes your posts difficult to read, and it’s bad internet form. Nina makes a valid point – the majority of men on most dating sites are looking for women young enough to be their daughters. I’m 53 – and the interested men I get are mostly in their 70s. I’m not saying large age differences can’t work – but they are not ideal and it’s something a lot of us would prefer to avoid.

    I don’t think Nina has a serious problem at all – she would just prefer to be with a man who is her contemporary. Surely that’s not too much to ask? Aren’t the men who are insisting on women 20+ years younger than themselves also limiting themselves? Personally, I find it rather creepy – I would say they are the ones with a serious problem! Yes, large age gaps can sometimes work – but to insist on one – yuk!

    I don’t see anything in Nina’s post to suggest she has a shortage of friends – and they may be mostly in her own age group, too. I was single at her age, and I’m still single now. Do I regret not taking the “any man rather than being alone” route? No!!!!!!! As many wise people have said before, there are far worse things than being single – and one of them is being with the wrong partner!

  • Leftatforty says:

    My husband is looking on-line for ‘a fling’. He is 45 (41 in the site) and is looking for a woman 28 (!) to 39… Enough said.

  • AJ says:

    I have been single for the past 4 years and though the separation from my husband was without doubt the best thing for me and my 2 children, I relate to everything in today’s post. I have the love of my family and friends and value that immensely but… sometimes it would be ace to have someone take care of me, be the one who shines the school shoes in the morning, takes the rubbish out, wash up, sort out arguments between the children, need I go on? So yes.. to have someone that at least understands where I’m ‘at’, to say “don’t worry darling, I’ll cook dinner tonight, is something I would love to have. I don’t think that is desperate or anywhere close.

  • T. Lover. says:

    I was in a pub with my then wife and another couple the day the ‘men only’ filter was removed from the back room by the Sex Equality Act. Carol being Carol, one of those women who likes to show she is the boss, opened the door. She was going in.

    That tiny space in which a bloke could be a bloke was being invaded for the first time by a modern woman whose sole motive was to show them who was in charge. The response. Brilliant. In unison at their top of their voices ‘fuck off’ at a volume you could have heard in the next pub.

    Last year (?) sperm was produced from female stem cells. You lot no longer even need a bloke to reproduce.

    The joke: what is the difference between male and female sperm? The females have to stop and ask the way. Enter (figuratively of course) your friend who has to phone her bloke because of some roadworks. Men and women are different. Thank God. Celebrate and cherish.

    I bitterly regret marrying. She never worked. Built a great relationship with the kids, always at home for them whilst Dad worked all hours to put them through private school. So, she now has the kids (they think she is wonderful she did everything – Dad was never there) and her new bloke is enjoying his new found wealth. Mine. My family money.

    The point. Over the past 30, 40, 50 years crucial differences between men and women have gone. Differences which should be celebrated are now derided. Incentives that yesterday made a couple think twice about a split have disappeared. You, women, have sex equality.

    I read your blog. I want to put my finger down my throat.

    Not because of the daily wallow in a bath of self pity. Not because your self picked Greek chorus sings poor you every day. But because you seem surprised that you don’t have the right to a perfect man who (if he doesn’t happen to want you and take on someone else’ two children) is an unreasonable, untrustworthy (what phrase would you – I mean you, a woman, a member of the fair sex, in particular – use to express yourself in your public blog in our modern age?) shall we say wanker.

    There are more divorces than ever. Most are instigated by women. There is a big market in late thirties, early forties single women who have had a ‘career’ and whose primeval animal instincts at their age now makes them take any bloke because they are desperate for a baby.

    Instead of beating yourself in public tell us why ‘things’ are getting worse, why you in particular have lost your bloke and why you, women of your age in particular, are finding it so difficult to find another.

    • Sarah says:

      “You, women, have sex equality.” – is that a bad thing? You think we should still be tied to kitchen and kids, barefoot, with no legal claim to anything from inheritance to kids, at the mercy of the lord and master’s largesse?

      “you seem surprised that you don’t have the right to a perfect man ”
      Wrong – Plankton never suggests having the perfect man is a right. She is lamenting the difficulty of finding the right man for her.

      “There are more divorces than ever. Most are instigated by women.” Yes because men don’t want to upset the sock-washing routine so wait until they find the younger model, have an affair, and the wife, disgusted, instigates divorce. Men don’t like rocking the status quo (they might have to wash their own socks).

      “There is a big market in late thirties, early forties single women who have had a ‘career’” – there are even more women who are dumped because the husband is having his mid-life crisis, wants to prove he can still pull, and goes off to look for a younger model, finds her and sets up family #2.

      This blog describes life at the bottom of the sexual food chain. What Plankton went through is none of your business, and she has just spent the last few weeks describing why it’s difficult to find the right partner. Do pay attention.

  • Wheely says:

    I’m a male of 43 & seem to get contacted through online dating by women who are almost exclusively older than myself, up to 50 usually.
    I rarely get any interest from younger women whatsoever.
    I believe it may be because of my profile. I state that I’m not too well off, & am clearly a bit of a sensitive guy, but still have some good looks left. I think this keeps the younger women who are still focused on a home & family away. The older women seem to have different priorities maybe.
    To be honest, I have always found dating hard work because of my nomadic job & unstable life. Whenever I had a house in the past I always seemed to have a grlfriend. When I didn’t have a house I could spend a decade in the sea of the lonely planctons.At 43 i’ve spent 8 years in relationships, 17 alone, despite being a tall, good looking & considerate kind of guy.(was recently described as an ‘adonis’ which lifted my spirits some).
    You can’t discount circumstances in all this lonely game of love. The harsh realities of life keep a lot of people off the ‘market’. I have a friend who’s just been left by his girlfriend because he can’t afford to get a house, & can recall similar examples I have witnessed over the years. I’ve found that women are just as shallow as men but in different ways. I find it all a bit downheartening.

    • Redbookish says:

      It’s pretty ironic that you complain of being contacted only by women 7 years older than you when it seems from your comment that you wouldn’t mind going out with a woman 7 years *younger* than you.

      Cuts both ways, doesn’t it?

      • Wheely says:

        No, you’re misrepresenting me. I was looking for someone around my own age. I’ve had attention from women 15 years younger than me & I’m not interested. And…I wasn’t complaining about the older women at all, I was just pointing out that older women do just what older guys do, ie look for someone younger than themselves if they think they can snap up a ‘bargain’ by some means.

  • Propernormal says:

    Hi Plankton,

    I posted my comment here but i dont see it anymore. I just wish to share my thoughts too just like everyone else. I like your blog as they are so real as to how i feel.

    I have been and still am riding this journey of life all alone with a child and my parents whom im living with for the past 13 years. I have yet to find a loving companion to share this ride with me but it is very difficult to find this elusive companion.

    I was married for only 1.5 years when my marriage broke down and i was just 28 then and today i’m 41, still companionless ~ this lonely ride is pretty tough!!

    The ones i have met are not interested with a woman who has a child.They either seek a childless divorcee or a childless widow or an unmarried woman eventhough they themselves are a divorcee or a widower with kids!

    I did widen my net to find those who are not of the same race and religion as i, but it’s never been easy. Online dating sites have proven to be a place filled with perverts. Very scary indeed!

    Whenever i go out, all i see around me are couples,young and old, and i feel left out.

    Whenever i attend any functions especially weddings, when i see many happy couples around me, i feel left out.

    Whenever there are any religious ceremonies where when married couples participate to give blessings , i’m always been left out for they fear misfortunes might befall getting a blessing from someone who has failed in her marriage!

    What a life! But im still surviving as i love my child and my parents and i wish to fulfill my duties as a good parent and a good daughter to them.

    I always believe that God knows how i feel and i have put faith in Him that He knows better than me. I still tell Him ” How nice if i dont feel left out like everyone else”

    P.S. sorry if this post happens to be a duplicate but with more of my thoughts than the 1st one!

  • Nina says:

    My example proves Plankton’s theory (in one of the first posts) that [most] 40-50 something single men are looking for a younger woman, however, not to marry and have a family with as they are mostly separated/divorced and/or already have kids.
    I’ve been saying this for years: how many nice, single women do you know between 30 and 40? everyone knows at least 3 or 4.
    How many nice, single men do you know between 30 and 40?
    ……….

    • valpaparazzi says:

      They may seem ‘nice’ to you, these 3 or 4 single women between 30 and 40, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they seem ‘nice’ to other people. If they are, as you say, ‘nice’ then why are they single? And from the other side, I think perhaps your own experience might be biasing you to the idea that there are no ‘nice’ men between 30 and 40, only those looking for a quick shag. (And there is no insult intended there. Our personal experience is all we have to base our judgements on.) I think the broad truth is that there are ‘nice’ people of all age groups and both sexes, but sadly, being ‘nice’ has nothing to do with being single.

    • Mack says:

      Judging by your post, i sense those sour grapes must really be bitter. If men in the 40-50 age group are successfully dating and having relationships with much younger women then who are you and i to cry foul play? If they can, and it makes them happy then why shouldn’t they?

      My advice to you (and anyone in a similar situation) is to quit with the self pity attitude and instead focus your time, energy and resources on getting what YOU want. In the end this is what really matters.

      Losers are those people that sit on the sideline and criticize/shame those around them who appear to be doing better just so they can feel better about themselves. Winners are those who ignore everything/everyone around them because their focus is all about the goal to land the top prize.

      Get out there and seek out those nice, single 30-40y/o men. I hardly think they are going to land on your lap.

      • Nina says:

        sour grapes?
        I’m not moaning about having 40-50 year old fans – it so happens that I am not sure if I want children at all, so it could work perfectly, it just would be nice to have the choice

      • Mack says:

        Nina, you are 35 (according to ur post above). As far as having children are concerned, time is definitely not on your side and as such being unsure does u no favours.

        Let me ask u this (and its not a trick question), assuming u had the choice, would u have children?

      • Bambi says:

        Mack, check this out; http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1367749/What-I-Single-mother-58-asks-giving-birth-IVF-twins.html

        Seems Nina has another 23 years or more to decide…… 🙂

      • Mack says:

        Bambi,
        Well if IVF is a route someone is wanting to go down then fair enough but i know for a fact it is hideously expensive and the success rates aren’t as high as many people make them out to be.

        For the woman in the link, i ask myself whether she will even be around to see her kid’s 30th birthday. Quite sad when you think about it.

        Moral of the story: dont leave it too late to have kids.

      • Bambi says:

        Mack, I wasn’t really recommending IVF as a general lifestyle choice – for the reasons you give and more. Was just being mildly provocative/light-hearted. Personally, I think having babies at 58 is nuts. In fact, sometimes I think having babies at any age is nuts. (I have not a single one myself. By choice. Takes all sorts…..)

      • Mack says:

        Bambi,
        Call me weird, but i find it strange when i come across women who choose not to have children. Care to divulge the reason you made this choice? Looking back was it a good/bad decision ? (forgive my prying)

        I’ve always believed that having children (giving birth) is an integral component to the identity of a woman. Its one of the fundamental differences between the sexes and as such it always baffles me why any woman would want to deprive herself the impulse of experiencing such a tremendous thing. To me its the equivalent of a healthy male not interested in having sex. Defies our procreation instincts. 

        Now i understand it would be better for the world if many kinds of people didn’t breed and the world isn’t exactly short on people but those are side issues. Also, many people simply can’t stand brats because of the numerous issues they inevitably create. I just think its a tragedy to not have anyone to pass one’s genes onto and continue the legacy etc. As the saying goes ‘breeders shall inherit the earth’.

        BTW, i am in no way passing judgement on your lifestyle choices since i appreciate we are all different and i fully respect that. Also how old are you?

  • Nina says:

    and yes Dan, please stop shouting and making rude assumptions on me based on a couple of my comments!

  • Nina says:

    @leftatforty: are you still with your husband??????

  • DAN says:

    SORRY NINA,
    OF COURSE WHAT BOTH YOU AND STORMWIND ARE SAYING IS CORRECT.

    I JUST GOT BOTH A LITTLE PISSED, AS WELL AS PISSED OFF YESTERDAY! (EXCUSE THE LANGUAGE)

    BACK TO NORMAL NOW.

    AGAIN SORRY TO ONE AND ALL.

    DAN.

  • Margaux says:

    Thank God for Stormwind! I am a couple of years older than her and stepped into the Plankton pool ( by this blog’s definition) at the age of 45 after 13 years in a long term relationship. In that time I have seen divorced or dumped girlfriends grab desperately at anyone who so much as batted an eyelid at them. Not many are happy. But having anyone rather than being single seemed to be their priority – something I’ve never quite understood. Life can be long and if you are going to compromise -and all relationships are a compromise – it had better be worth it.

    I’ve always been amused by society’s accepted view that coupledom is the norm. In my view being single is the default position and if you meet someone who enhances your life then, surely, that is a bonus?

    Yes, I appreciate that some would like the companionship of a relationship – I would too, one day – but only if the right person comes along. And by ‘right’ – I don’t mean material considerations -but someone I feel comfortable with who also feels comfortable with me. I am also not so naive as to think that I have the same ‘pulling power’ as someone much younger. And yes, the internet dating sites are full of men in their 40s,50s,60s+ looking for women much younger. But there are men out there who like women around their age or older. I’ve met some of them.

    But- until it feels ‘right’, I embrace my singledom as a positive status – there is much to be said for it. I can please myself when I want, go where I want when I want – be as sociable or as hermit like as I please. Indulge my whims without having anyone else to consider or compromise for. Such freedoms are not to be thrown away lightly.

    And if it never happens ? so be it – we only get one life and I intend to make the most of it.

    As Stormwind said – there are far worse things than being single – and one of them is being with the wrong partner. How constricting would that be?

  • stormwind says:

    That’s alright Dan. Just take your caps lock off and everything is forgiven! 😉

    I think the thing is, Nina, that one just has to discount the bimbo chasers because they are too shallow to be of interest anyway. The man who seriously thinks that a woman 20 years younger is going to make him 20 years younger is a bit of a sad case – but there are a lot of them around. Life is glorious and varied, and each stage brings new things as others fade into the background. If you can embrace the changes as they come along, it’s a lot of fun progressing along the way. The people who are trying to stay stuck in the 25-35 decade are a) missing out on a lot and b) fighting a losing battle. Who on earth wants to live the same decade over and over again? What is this, Groundhog Day? But millions are attempting it, brainwashed by a society that prizes youth over everything, and that imposes a highly unrealistic and stylized notion of “beauty” on us, that everyone is supposed to aspire to.

    So, being passed over by men in our respective age groups because they are looking for something younger is actually no loss, neither is turning down the ones who want to rejuvenate themselves through us. They weren’t potential matches in the first place. Do I want to be in a relationship with a man who’s my age but trying to pretend he’s 30? No, I don’t. I also give the 70+ brigade a polite “thank you for your interest, but I’m looking for someone more in my own age group”. If there’s a match for me out there, I look forward to meeting him – if not, I’ll enjoy the journey anyway.

  • MissBates says:

    Dan: Look to the left on your keyboard. There’s a key called “caps lock.” Turn it off.

    Wheely: Well of course you don’t get interest from younger women. Women are generally not sexually attracted to men significantly older than themselves. Only financially successful men can “score” with younger women. (Frankly, it doesn’t speak well for either gender, does it? I mean you don’t see 25-year-old models dating 45-year-old mailmen, do you? No, they’re dating 45-year-old millionaire businessmen and have to prevent themselves from flinching every time they have sex.) In any event, as you are admirably honest on your online dating profile and describe yourself as “not too well off,” I’m not surprised that you generate interest from women older than yourself for whom there is such a dearth of available men that they are able to look past the lack of financial success to your other qualities.

    • Wheely says:

      Good point. It reminds me of the joke about the guy who can’t believe his luck having pulled a bimbo…..”How much more lucky can I get,….first I win the lottery and next thing I meet a woman who loves me!”

      By younger I was actually just meaning something like 40-43?? I’m not really interested in much younger women than this, anyway.
      But yeah, I get the point…..why else, if she wasn’t so desperate, would a 50 year old woman bother with a looser….!
      …..that’s really cheered me up!! Thanks for that (…..sobbing)

      • MissBates says:

        You’re not a “loser,” Wheely — just honest!

      • Firelady says:

        If it’s any help I’m 46 and been with my 50 year old man for just over a year and we’re really happy. He’s an impoverished nurse. We met online and he never said he was rich or poor so I just fell in love with the man. There are genuine women out there who are not just looking for money….Don’t despair!!!

  • I completely agree about missing the most mundane things. That’s why, as I venture out into the world of online dating, I suggest the most mundane of all sort of outings with the men I find most attractive…I’d rather get to know them slowly, easily, see if they can make fun out of everyday errands, see if they can be at peace with silence, rather than the implicit romance in candlelit dinners.

  • anniebub says:

    I agree about companionship being the bread and butter of relationships but first of all you need to have the opportunity to eat. Forgive me for daring to ask but although I can tell you are a genuinely intelligent, sensitive, funny, attractive and talented person, as are many people in the same situation and of the same age, I am wondering about the question of sex appeal? From what you have written it seems that you can certainly get a man interested pretty quickly, and then nothing further happens. Why is this? Perhaps you have to ask yourself if you are giving out the right vibes? A nice chap will only go so far, especially when also of a certain age, unless given a little encouragement. And that does not mean throwing yourself at him. Another thought. I was so troubled by your earlier comment about ruling out “older men”. An older man might think a gorgeous 45 year old was just his cup of tea. Great advantages of older man are usually that children are off his hands, he may have time and money to spend and he may have a thing or two to teach you. You will make him feel younger and that will stop you worrying about your age. I think the almost perfect age difference is about 12 years. So, don’t rule out those distinguished types in their late fifties, early sixties.

  • plumgrape says:

    I think the point is a truly loving relationship. Anything short of this is unfulfilled or unhappy. I think a truly loving relationship has several parts: It is spiritual fore mostly, it is affectionate and physical,

  • Redbookish says:

    Spot on post, as usual.

  • DAN says:

    Dont give up just yet!

    Freinds are one thing, but being with someone special is what its all about!

    Keep the faith.

    DAN.

  • DAN says:

    Lonleyness is a terrible thing!

    Its the one thing we all abhor.

    DAN

  • DAN says:

    Now that says it all in a nutshell.

    Missing out on what shoud be a happy occaision, turns into serios pain, mentally and otherwise!

    I’m sure most planktons both male and female can relate to your quandry!

    DAN.

  • DAN says:

    Thats what companionship is all about!

    Well said!

    DAN.

  • DAN says:

    Brialant !

    DAN

  • DAN says:

    Thats what its all about!

    Nothing else matters!

    DAN

  • DAN says:

    Not all of us!

    Women are doing it too!

    DAN.

  • DAN says:

    I have changed my mind on this issue due to the amount of replys to this blog, and comments made re same!

    There are people putting their hearts on the line , and telling how they really feel which you probably wouldent get without anonimity!

    We can all relate to these comments, so keep them comming!

    DAN.

  • DAN says:

    Im sorry about yor dad, we’ve all had one, and obviously were very close!

    But time they say is a great healer.

    Get out there and meet people!

    You sound like a very family orientated person.

    Stop putting up obsticals from meeting that special person in your life!

    DAN

  • DAN says:

    The problem with that type of thinking is that you will also be alone, at home watching the same type of programmes!
    That makes no sense!
    Give them a second chance, and you might never know!

    DAN

  • DAN says:

    Thats what its all about!

    Its called living and having somebody to share your life with, the ups and the downs, the arguments, and the making up afterwards!

    fantastic!”

    DAN.

  • DAN says:

    Have some solace in the fact that you worked your ass off to get your children where they needed to be!

    But that comes at a cost!

    What do you do?

    Look after the root of the tree or its leaves?

    You cant win no matter which way you decide!

    DAN>

  • DAN says:

    A lot of people are in the same boat, and think, who would want to be with a woman carrying, what they call baggage in this era.

    Bullshit!

    There are a lot of men out there trying to meet exactly that type of situation.

    Keep the faith!

    It will happen.

    DAN.

  • DAN says:

    Certainly being with the wrong partner would be a mistake, as stormwind has obviously set out.

    But dont let that deter you from keeping searching!

    DAN>

  • DAN says:

    All true!

    And i again would agree with everything you are saying!

    Its tough, and you are obviously strugling with both family life and missing that special area of a relationship that everyone craves!

    Companship,love and comitment!

    DAN.

  • DAN says:

    MACK, YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDENT READ THE HEADING OF THIS PARTICULAR BLOG! COMPANIONSHIP……

    This is what companionship is all about!

    Picking up a phone and rining somebody just to hear their voice when you cant be with them, cementing that relationship by letting them know that you are thinking about them. surely there is nothing wrong with that?
    Otherwise me thinks you have never really been in love.

    DAN.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

What’s this?

You are currently reading Companionship is All at The Plankton.

meta

%d bloggers like this: