Be Careful What You Wish For

August 17, 2011 § 33 Comments

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Why does the plankton status invite quite so many cliches, while we’re on the subject of cliches (cf. yesterday’s Better to Be Alone)?  And Be Careful What You Wish For is right up there with all the other inanities we have to contend with, that people so freely and patronisingly bestow upon us.

Just for the record, I so do NOT intend to be careful what I wish for.  Wishing’s a riot.  The whole point of wishing, I would have thought, was not having anything to do with fricking caution; wishing is the ENEMY of the fucking stuff.  Wishing has got to be more than the way forward; it’s fucking SURVIVAL.

In real life there is so much caution we have to go in for that when it comes to wishing, I ain’t going to be doing anything other than throwing caution to the goddamn wind, to storms, hurricanes, cyclones, twisters, and every other variation of air blowing exceeding hard that you can think of. 

As far as wishing goes, anyone – and planktons especially – are entitled to conjure up any amount of outlandish wishes they choose, and to HELL with caution.

Tell a plankton to be careful what she wishes for and she should tell you to fuck right off, you smug twat: were YOU careful with what you wished for?  If you weren’t then what the hell right do you have telling her to embrace namby-pamby caution, and if you were, then more fool you!

Wishing is the plankton’s consolation and solace and hope and nigh-on whole existence for fuck’s sake.  And wishing’s FUN.

Rise up all ye planktons and wish till you are blue in the face!  Don’t take no more shit from people who tell you to BCWYWF.  That’s not the way to go through life!  Avoid anyone who shirks wishing.  They are tedious, priggish killjoys.

Wish away all of you!  I certainly am – and at this point in my blog, I guess you have a fair idea of what for (namely Long Shot and/or Smidgen).

Jesus, it’s the one thing we can all do in the privacy of our own heads without harming anyone and, though we may have to pay for it with a tuppence of disappointment occasionally, ’tis otherwise completely FREE.


§ 33 Responses to Be Careful What You Wish For

  • Miss J says:

    You’re much more entertaining when you’re having a rant! Go on, get that angry typing going…

  • AJ says:

    ha ha! well said, yep, yep and thrice yep, ‘eff’ off to anyone to thinks otherwise… This is the very sort of conversation I have with my girlfriends when we meet up at one another’s houses enjoying a glass or two. I am revelling in your mood today..

  • John says:

    My simple wish is that the Plankton remains single and keeps us amused and interested……..

  • MissBates says:

    Another spot-on post, Plankton. I HATE it when I’m told this, as if I am not worthy of the very things to which the people making the pronouncement have aspired/attained. Why should my hopes (when I can manage to muster them) be in a restrained shade of beige rather than in scarlet or cobalt blue?

  • Ah yes, life in the pelagic zone…

  • Wishes and hopes are all well and good and should be as vivid and lush as one can dream up.

    But what happens when those wishes and hopes turn into expectations and then a feeling of entitlement?

    We might feel entitled to stunning colors but often life can only deliver muted tones.

  • EmGee says:

    A “healthy sexual relationship-“, oh Scott, really?

    I think this is the disconnect between the plankton and the opposite sex.

    A friend, whose best, longest relationship has been long distance, spent 2 weeks with her lover on his remote Sierran property last month. (They even have his and hers cabins, essential for any artist imo.) 9 years into the relationship, after the best week they ever spent together, his walls went up and he became distant and cold; their usual pattern. In tears of hurt and frustration, she asked ‘why?’ His response was that the last few days had been so great, he was afraid she’d ask for more; more intensity, especially for sex. She was flabbergasted! She told him that the last week was the best ever for her too, and she didn’t want to change a thing! His relief was obvious and they spent the rest of the time like a young courting couple. 🙂

    She is planning a return trip at the end of this month, too. An unusually quick turn around. Not sure I’d be able to do it, but it works for her, they are both the type who needs //lots// of space.

  • plumgrape says:

    If you can have such bravado why do you not disclose your particulars and have anyone and everyone who wants to know you better,find out who you really are and where you live so they can just call, telephone, visit or take you out when it is convenient? Why are you afraid? Nothing can stop your unabated eloquence. You could easily see off anyone you are not interested in with your tongue.
    I asked if you knew or understood an “iron curtain”? I did not see a reply. It is an iron curtain you stand behind when from the privacy of your anonymity you can say anything, but cannot be reached or addressed individually or in person, taken out or be physically loved because you hide yourself behind this impossible to reach through “iron curtain”. You might as well take off your clothes and have your sweet lovely body photographed and posted online naked so that many individuals can see and hope and dream of you for all the reality they can just dream of to impossibly touch you!
    I still want my loving slave. Of this I am more sure all the time.

  • DAN says:

    Plangton again i must come in here and say , its not about wishing but HOPING!

    Without hope there is nothing!

    You can dream all you like, but unless you are willing to do something about it ,its a serious waste of time, and energy.

    Get over long shot and smidgen and move on.

    You werent obviously interested in them to begin with!

    Fantasy !

    Why can’t people really say whats on their minds , and be honest?

    Take a gamble and tell someperson how you really feel towards them!

    They will recogignise the true feeling you have for them , and if interested will want to continue that relationship!

    And if not ,its their loss!

    But women keep putting up these obstacles to stop what they relly want to happen.

    Maybe i’m a romantic, but i truly believe, wheres there a will, theres a way, except in my case!

    I’m fucked !

    I will love my wife until the day that i die.

    I have only in the last couple of weeks from reading your blog , that , that is my destiny.

    Dipshit i know, but also know that, that woman is irreplaceable no matter where i go! Will never get over it .

    Should have looked after the root better than i did, but instead tried to look after the leaves!

    That cost me my marriage.



    • plumgrape says:

      The problem, Dan is what I have just read, and I quote: “It’s written across every ad, every movie, every love song. Sex equals ownership.”

    • Lydia says:

      It’s certainly worth looking after roots if you want something to last.

      I agree you can seize your chance and tell people what you think (my only caveat to that is if the other person is attached then don’t).

  • stormwind says:

    I fear, Plankton, that life is full of cliches. Perhaps you were too ecstatically happy in your married years to notice. Perhaps you were one of the cliches yourself – maybe the perfectly happy family with the bow on top. Trust me, cliches are not reserved for plankton – they are everywhere.

    If you really want to break the cliches, you could try looking for alternatives to f***/ing to colour your rants. 6 in one short piece (if you count the thinly disguided “fricking”) is dangerously close to the “out to shock, angry teenager” cliche. Surely there are other suitably strong words out there?

    Wish for whatever you want – but it’s a little ironic that your rant against cliches should have turned into a cliche itself.

  • toyman says:

    Woe is me………………..

    Gentlemen never cross swords with the Plankton………….

  • plumgrape says:

    I WANDER’D lonely as a cloud
    That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
    When all at once I saw a crowd,
    A host of golden daffodils,
    Beside the lake, beneath the trees, 5
    Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

    Continuous as the stars that shine
    And twinkle on the Milky Way,
    They stretch’d in never-ending line
    Along the margin of a bay: 10
    Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
    Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

    The waves beside them danced, but they
    Outdid the sparkling waves in glee:—
    A poet could not but be gay 15
    In such a jocund company!
    I gazed, and gazed, but little thought
    What wealth the show to me had brought:

    For oft, when on my couch I lie
    In vacant or in pensive mood, 20
    They flash upon that inward eye
    Which is the bliss of solitude;
    And then my heart with pleasure fills,
    And dances with the daffodils.

  • Well, Ms. Plankton, if it makes you feel any better, from the time that I began junior high school in September of 1984, through the time that I graduated from high school in the spring of 1990, I could hardly get a single woman to tell me the time of the day (to use a clihce phrase)

    In Sept. of 1990, it was less than three days into the first semester of my first year of college when I finally met a woman who was willing to engage in consentual sexual intercourse with me, and we did so approximately half an hour after we met- The woman was not a terribly interesting one, and neither was the experience- I thought to myself immediately, “THAT’S what I’ve felt so tortured about not being able to find a female to do this with every single day and every single night for the past 6 and a half years?” I wished that I’d waited a little while longer, and actually to be honest, as of August of 2011, on some days I still do, though it was impossible for me to notice that at the time (I was in fact 18)…

    I learned SLOWLY throughout the course of the next several years, that it gets much better when you wait until you find an interesting partner…

    • Bambi says:

      Definitely a case of TMI here….

      Can we all NOT share our stories of losing our virginity….PLEASE!!!?? At least not here, anyway…!

  • Miss J says:

    I didn’t agree with you actually Kidrock, but I defend your right to say it!

    I had received a notification of your comment – twice and you’d been edited out of the discussion!

  • Miss J says:

    The bit that says attention is a women’s emotional currency…see, I was paying attention 😉

    • Miss J says:

      Kidrock, I don’t recall being asked for evidence to the contrary….

      You have your theory, I have mine…and quite frankly, nobody’s arsed!

  • Miss J says:

    Are you single Kidrock?

    • Kidrock says:

      In a few weeks time i shall be.
      Feel like i need to cut loose for a while.

      • Miss J says:

        Your lady (I’m assuming it’s a she?) must be delighted at the prospect of you “cutting yourself loose” – you’re a bit of an annoying twat aren’t you?

      • joules says:

        Miss J – that is an understatement. Let’s hope for her sake she has not made any life altering decisions for the supposed relationship she has with him.

  • Miss J says:

    Your lady (I’m assuming it’s a she?) must be delighted at the prospect of you “cutting yourself loose” – you’re a bit of an annoying twat aren’t you?

  • kidrock says:


    I have yet to drop the bombshell.
    This is just calm before the storm,

  • Bambi says:

    Agree with the sentiments re the cliché, if not with all the over-use of “fucking” (more because over-use lessens the effectiveness than because it offends).

    But we all probably have a few pet hates when it comes to clichés. Mine is the advice to “MOVE ON”. Therapist-speak adopted by the general public (ie. smug marrieds) who don’t seem to realise that some of us are just HANGING ON by our very finger-tips….

  • Bodger says:

    Huzzah! Well said! We’ll wish for what we wanna wish for, and if we get it, it’ll be an adventure!

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