Glass Half Empty/Half Full

August 21, 2011 § 19 Comments

Depending on how one is feeling any given day has an effect, obviously, on how one sees the world.

A few weeks ago my friend Rebecca told me she had been asked to a party in Notting Hill and the hostess had been worrying about what to do re the invitations.  Rebecca said this – married – woman had no fewer than FORTY single women friends – planktons, all of them – and was in a dilemma about how many to ask so as not to capsize her numbers nor upset any of them.  This snippet of information was one I could have done without.  There is something very gloomy-making about the thought of any one person knowing so many single women of a certain age.  I know a few, but FORTY?  Dear God!  It makes me realise quite how many there are of us.

Hearing that was a seriously glass-fully-empty day.

There again, I read an interview with a brilliant actress in the Guardian some weeks ago, beautiful and talented she is.  At sixty she had found the man of her dreams and was getting married for the first time.  I am fortunate enough to know this woman a little bit and I did something a bit impetuous.  The very moment I finished reading the piece, I rang her up and congratulated her on her wonderful news and told her how she had single-handedly given me hope.  She was very sweet and told me very much to keep the faith.

That day my cup – or glass – overflowethed (if there is such a word, but you get my drift).

So it is planktons are very sensitive to the good and bad, the positive and the negative.  Certainly, my antennae are permanently twitching for evidence either way, depending on how I feel at a particular time.

Now, while I hesitate ever to voice an inane platitude – or indeed a platitudinous inanity – such as “accentuate the positive”, (as you know by now, I have a very volatile relationship with such patent bollocks), I think I can allow myself the observation that one does as well to acknowledge the good news stories in one’s naturally pessimistic mind, as one does not to dismiss entirely the bad news ones (which would of course be foolish and wholly unrealistic).

Today is a glass half empty/half full day and so I am thinking – Balance: that has got to be the key.


§ 19 Responses to Glass Half Empty/Half Full

  • Lydia says:

    It’s just a state of mind. See it as half full and you’re fine. If I’ve met/rejected 100 men that means there are loads of single unattached men out there for planktons. There are genuinely lots of single men around. People get married at all ages.

    Laurie Taylor writes in today’s newspapers about his marriage (4th) over 70 to someone who looks a mature lady. Michael Winner is marrying someone about his age in his 70s. In 20 or 30 years even if my next husband dies I am sure I can find another if that is what I want.

  • Redbookish says:

    Maybe another way of looking at the anecdote about your friend of a friend is that she’s a lovely woman who is good at making and keeping female friends, whatever their relationship status? Which for me is a g;lass half full way of looking at that story.


    As a single man the idea of attending a party where there were 40 single planktons sounds like heaven-Glass full to the brim.

    But seriously it seems to me there are many planktons out there so why am I having such trouble finding one that is suitable to date with and perhaps mate with on a permanent basis-as much as permanent is any more.

    I have learnt through dating and breaking up, getting chucked as much as chucking what will and will not work for me, the kind of lady I am seeking and also what kind of lady I am not seeking. It seems there as many male planktons too so why is is to hard for us to meet up with each other. I am currently living in Dublin, am a professional and am soon more than likely to be relocating to London to work-I am a mining engineer-I may well be going tunnelling for an underground train perhaps.

    So where do the planktons hang out in London, how do I get to meet with you, how will I know it is you, what is the best approach you, how do I know the plankton from the unavailable/taken. Any clues would be of enormous benefit as I do not plan to spend my free time sitting on a couch or alone.

    Cornwall beckons, Ballet at the Albert hall beckons, Theatrics in the west end beckons, walks by the river in Windsor or Henley beckon, sitting by a warm fire in the bleak winter beckons, Eurostar to Paris beckons, beckoning beckons. So Ladies it’s time to come out to play.

  • Sarah says:

    Not even sure I know 40 women, well, not well enough to invite them to a party. All of my pals are married (we’re not talking dozens here though).

    Balance is always the key.

  • stormwind says:

    Or one could look at it the other way, and say plankton are not the bottom of the food chain, but rather the basis of the food chain. No planton – no life. Human and marine versions alike are everywhere, they come in all shapes and sizes – and they should not be underestimated. Without plankton, the whole ecosystem falls apart – same with human equivalents. If there were no available women over the age of 25, the world would look pretty bleak for the men. As for the men who are bleating they can’t find the right woman – come on, guys, look around – there are some pretty damn sexy, smart and sensational plankton around!

  • june says:

    Well i personally dont know that many single women apart from myself, amongst my closest friends i dont know any, they all have partners. , A few at the social group i belong to but lots of them seem hell bent on getting together with any man who joins, the men dont stay single for long,and my neighbour whose husband left her and finds it hard to trust another man. But then this part of the uk is a very coupled up society, possibly one of most coupled up in country. .

    If people meet someome here they seemed to move in together so soon, something i wouldnt want, i dont think id actually want to move in with anyone, am i only plankton who doesent want this, companionship and having someone one thing, but actually living with someone permanently, i dont think i want my glass that full! .

    • DAN says:

      June, each to our own way of thinking !

      Whatever you are comfortable with that is the way to go .



    • Sarah says:

      I’m with you, June. I’m doing fine with my 2 boys and I don’t really feel moving in would achieve anything positive. I’ve tried the famille reconstituée as they call it here and it was a disaster.

      I’ve noticed that as one gets older one is less prepared to compromise for the sake of it (especially as I’m the one expected to do all the compromising…). Things may appear differently when the boys leave home, but for the moment, I don’t see any point trying to ‘fix something which ain’t broke’.

    • joules says:

      June – I agree with you regarding the not wanting someone to move in with me. Just getting to the point of selling the house I have jointly with the ex and I never want to go through this again. Didn’t Katherine Hepburn say that men and women should just live next door and visit a lot? Though this country had really better get down to building houses if that is true.

  • kathy says:

    The sad fact is that once you hit 40 you are invisible to men. I am 42 and on a dating website, and i came across this one guy who was ALSO 42 , and guess what he had in his profile? “Only interested in women 18 – 35, No Cougars!!”

    So a woman his own age 42 is a cougar and ofcourse theres no label for him is there?

    One you are 40 your reproductive ability is diminished and men biologically have no reason to find a mate that age. Its simple biology. They would rather be witha naiive, immature, ditzy 25 yr old.

    • MissM says:

      Well he completely failed at the definition of a cougar, since it defines older women who target young men instead of men their own age. But I am sure his case is not unusual. I have heard rhino suggested for his sort of male, as in wrinkly and horny. Just because that is the sort of age range he is looking at doesn’t mean he is going to get anyone from it though. Young women have lots of young men to choose from too.

      The real issue is not these sort of men, who are obviously shallow and only after a meaningless affair, someone like that is not going to be someone who would interest me. But where are the intelligent men whose mental maturity matches that of their body? The ones who are educated and interesting. I have some sort of belief that they exist but am beginning to think they are nothing but mythical creatures after all. At any rate they are not on my online dating site.


    I must be in the minority-I am only interested in women in their 40s/early 50s, have no desire to date a dozy 25 to 35 year old.

  • DAN says:

    Sorry kathy and excuse my language but bullshit !

    Life only begins at forty, and i know im 50, so been there already.

    Forget your dating agencys, they’ll only depress you >

    Dust yourself off, dicky yourself up, and get out there and meet somebody face to face.

    Make new freinds, and just say hi to everyone you meet its the best starting point that i know of, and you’ll never know what might happen.


  • lulu says:

    My glass was always half-full (ish) when it came to my situation, as in, I just haven’t met the right guy yet (I’m 45 and single but have always been in long-term relationships). However, I recently moved to a property where the landlord rents out several ‘out-houses’ on his land. I have realised, with horror, what a sitting duck I have become, being single, 40ish, no children, and obviously .. in the eyes of men … “up for it”.
    I have had to endure numerous advances from the 75 year old landlord (even though his partner of 30 odd years and mother of his 3 kids still lives with him) to the point where I am now considering moving, after just 3 months, as he has abused his position as my landlord so grossly.
    I have had to deal with one of my drunken neighbours (male) attempting to get into my flat not long after I moved in.
    I have had to deal with the landlord’s grown-up sons’ scathing looks in my direction as they all assume we are having a fling.
    So, unfortunately my glass is now definitely half-empty and I feel very sad that I am either invisible, or I am marked out as being ready to jump into bed with any man (even 30 years older) who deigns to look in my direction.
    Being 45 and single is challenging.

  • DAN says:

    lulu, get the fuck out of there as fast as your legs can carry you!

    Who needs that kind of shit !

    It’ll only put you in deppression.


  • Chris says:

    Funny old world, ain’t it ? I love that stuff about old geezers chasin’ after much younger birds. I am 58 year old geezer and I would never do that, seen to many of me mates having the peese taken out of them by the birds they are chasing, not to mention the severe wallet damage some of them have incurred. Problem is at my age I find it very difficult to take women seriously at all. So I found a simple way round the problem. Just be lighthearted and have fun. Perhaps Planktons could try this approach.

  • Dave says:

    Some people percieve you to be desperate and some people see you as generous. At the end of the day it’s like balancing something that’s already balanced.

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