Shedding Myself in a Very Poor Light
September 4, 2011 § 12 Comments
A few months ago one or two folk mentioned a possible contender for my affections. This might seem to belie my theory that no one except Janey (cf. yesterday’s post) ever goes in for match-making, except that it doesn’t because no one ever did match-make me with him. They spoke about it and it didn’t happen. I never met him.
Last night I heard that a friend who has been a fellow plankton for some time but kind of not because she’s a ball-breaker, is going out with him.
This is not going to shed me in a good light one bit but I will risk complete honesty (the fuel of this blog, after all) and tell you what I am really thinking: the unsayable, my by-word. I admit I feel at best ambivalence about the news. I am both happy for her, genuinely, but also feeling strangely put out. Not because I wanted to be with him – I have been told by everyone anyway that he is way too straight for me, the implication being that they don’t see me with someone who is conventional (not sure how to take that, but choose to be flattered), and they are possibly right – more because for months and months she had been loudly declaring from the roof-tops the wonders of being single and telling anyone who would listen how happy she was about it and, in my book, protesting just a tad too much. Kind of annoying, then, that’s she with someone again so soon, no?
Now, there will be some who say, how can you be so effing mean-spirited? (And they would be right). With friends like you…etc. (They might have a point. Oh dear, but I am not usually like this, I swear). And besides, can’t you see a link between her loving/being happy in herself and finding someone while you don’t, blah, blah, blah…
Well, on this second point, I say, fuck that. You know my views on this one. Ok, I will concede a grudging, “kind of” but no more than that. My main reaction is, give me a break.
And congratulations to my friend. Of course.