Plankton Day

September 17, 2011 § 16 Comments

I am having a plankton day.  They come along every now and again, they can creep up on you and make you a tad blue.  I get over them soon enough.  Perhaps it’s because it was a late night out; the house is empty of folk, and it’s raining outside.

Mostly, though, I suspect it’s because there is a decided absence of twinkles at the moment, Smidgen having merged off the horizon and beyond, into the invisible ether. (He said in his latest email yesterday that he was sorry he couldn’t come to the event that many a mate was going to last night, he felt guilty, but that it was on account of his terrible work load – with a lot of old chestnuts, presumably).

And I wanted to forget entirely about Longer Shot but he is a man who, like a new word, I hear bandied about all over the shop and can’t seem to escape.  It turns out practically everyone I have ever met – and plenty more I haven’t – seems to have either known or lived or broken bread with or visited or fucked or loved him.  I have said this before, I know, but the stories about him just keep on coming. And the more I hear, the more intriguing he becomes, of course, curiouser and curiouser, and the more elusive and unreal he appears.  With each latest snippet of information about him, I am recognising that he is one heck of a tree but no amount of barking up him could be described as a sensible use of my time.  Though I am going to see him in a few days time, if not him me.  (NB. Careful use of the word “see”.  As opposed to the more normal “meet”.  Don’t ask.)

Meanwhile, my mother is being rung by a fellow, a friend of hers who is younger than her but older than me and who met me once, briefly, some years ago.  He is getting divorced and has just split up with his mistress and has asked my mother twice in the past week for my number.  She hesitated to do so without clearing it with me first but then did give it to him on the grounds that it might be nice for me to have [a multi-millionaire] someone to go to the movies with.

When I stated in (an earlier post), My Criteria, both posh and rich, I qualified rich by saying what I really mean is relatively; meaning preferably not destitute.  Meaning, without wanting to sound grabby or anything, at least vaguely solvent and, unlike the Caretaker, perhaps with the wherewithal –  and shoes – to get to Sidcup.

Mother, I never was a gold-digger.  Didn’t have the heart for it.  Or the figure.

But since her friend is the only man in existence who is showing the remotest poppy seed of interest, I await his call and will happily go on a date with him if he asks me.

Curiouser and curiouser but, as is sometimes the way with these things, his call ain’t entirely come to pass quite yet.

And curiouser and curiouser, I ain’t exactly holding my breath about it either.

§ 16 Responses to Plankton Day

  • AnonW says:

    It’s the sort of weather today. The pollen count is bad here in London and I can hardly breathe!

  • Rory from Dublin says:

    That fellow, the friend of your mother who is younger than her but older than you and who met you once, briefly, some years ago is getting divorced and has just split up with his mistress and has asked your mother twice in the past week for your number number!

    Methinks he is feeling sorry for himself and just wants to get his leg over-fine if you want the same but ultimately not very satisfying.

  • Florence says:

    Hi Plankton!
    Me too 🙂

    Just to say, thanks so much for your blog – am enjoying feeling ‘it’s not just me’ and having the equivalent of daily AA meetings.

    Hang on in there!

  • Lydia says:

    “Posh and rich” – that immediately rules a lot of people out. Even the class issue is a massive filter. 6% of children go to fee paying schools. 6% of men. May be loosen the filters a bit.

    Try to avoid those on the rebound. Although there are some who move immediately from one wife to another you don’t want someone who is used to having a mistress however much he earns. Women who earn their own money don’t need rich men.

    • MissM says:

      Be fair, Plankton did explain in her definition “rich” did mean “not destitute”. As to her definition of posh I am not sure, Australia is closer to being a classless society than Britain so it is outside my field, but maybe it does relate to the likelihood of common interests and is not unreasonable.

      I suspect that around here “Posh” could mean a man who can read and write, given that at least 94% of the men I’ve had the communication with on a certain online dating site seem to be able to do neither. I am assured that the literacy rate for the women is just as bad though. These sites make me despair for the future of the human race altogether.

  • Erin says:

    Dear Plankton, yes, go out with the friend of your mother’s BUT keep eyes very wide open my friend, and heart under lock and key : ) Wife and mistress sounds like potential heartbreak to me unless you don’t mind an open relationship.

    As far as Long Shot, you are cryptically telling us you are meeting him?! Well all right then! When you do, please forget everything everyone has told you about him and look at him as a blank slate; form your own opinion. He has become somewhat of an urban legend at this point (ha!) – what if he turns out to be completely different than all the stories?

    This is probably going to sound very stupid and Pollyanna-ish (which is my husband’s nickname for me) but when I get the blues, former plankton or otherwise, I force myself to get out of the house and be amongst people. Even if it’s something like going to Sainsbury’s and getting a coffee, striking up a conversation with some elderly ladies at the next table, watching a baby playing with her food and smiling broadly at the mum or having a lilttle chat; doing a random act of kindness for someone, saying a kind word….it helps to take away that loneliness you feel when you get in a funk. Do something for yourself! Get a relaxing pedicare, a massage, whatever you enjoy. Do you work full time or do you maybe have a couple of hours that you could volunteer? Even volunteering for a couple of hours can be immensely satisfying and make you feel good about yourself. Also, when you get in a funk, try to look at the big picture. Do you have good health, great kids, roof over your head, job? Think of how many that don’t. All things to ruminate over. My husband would be rolling his eyes right now, but he has had the good fortune to never be lonely, and I have a couple of decades under my belt so I can truly relate to what you’re feeling.

    Hang in there, dear P! Things will get better : ) Try not to obsessively think about these 2 meetings coming up (been there) – just look at them as an activity on your calendar and something to look forward to. Close your eyes and think of all of the friends you have met on your blog here with arms stretching from all over the world around you – a massive group hug : ) We are all hoping for the best for you!

  • Florence says:

    Hey Erin
    thanks for your comments – they cheered me too.

    And I’m sure you’re right. When blue, I know forcing myself out of the house and among people is a good idea…. x

    • Erin says:

      You’re welcome Florence! Small gestures can make a big difference in your attitude and also that of others. Maybe that lady in Sainsburys was having a plankton day until you came along : )

  • Bambi says:

    I presume that Long Shot is making a TV appearance, then?

    Re Mother’s friend – please, please avoid. I mean this in the kindest possible way but… he isn’t interested in YOU. He is on the rebound and is obviously the type of person who is just scared of being on his own (never having done it, probably). He wants a “replacement” for the wife (and Mistress?). You deserve better and such a man will bore you/drag you down/drain your energy – and probably hurt you, ultimately.

    Sorry, I hope that I have not made your day even more Plankton-y. Try to focus on the “you deserve better” bit; because you do! And have a glass of good wine…!

  • MissBates says:

    I’ve got to vote with Bambi here: RUN from the divorced guy who’s recently ditched his mistress as well. Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

    • Bambi says:

      You know, I reread my last reply before I hit ‘post comment’ and thought how “definite” (too definite?) – and cynical – it sounded… I guess this just happens to be a hot topic for me….

      I think I recognise the beast – perhaps because my own ex is one. (never been on his own since age 21, sometimes more than one woman on the go)… and perhaps because I have come across two more such, relatively recently… but I could be wrong, Plankton (and MissBates). In which case, I stand to be corrected. All I would say is, if he tells you that he is falling in love with you – and this before he even really knows you – then, do run! He is probably falling in love with a concept, not a person….

      Meanwhile, I am currently cobbling together a much longer reply to do with other replies here…. Can’t contain it much longer… tho’ it might be tomorrow before I Get It All Out!!!! 🙂

  • june says:

    o dear plankton, you seem a shade desperate here,still do know feeling.

    the plenty fish man has decided to meet, monday at 2,pm. just for drink, dare it be a glass wine or would that be rash, what should i wear, i was discussing it tonight when we went on my friends birthday meal, surprisingly very enjoyable, the food was good, it was my friend, her partner, his daughter, other friend, husband, daughter, and other friend ex husband and sons, cant see why they divorced, seem suited. ive no kids or partner but feel perfectly comfortable with them all, had good time.friends suggested skinny jeans, as they suit me and silky vest, that sounds ok, but will probabky p,,,,down this is england in sept!. god we probably wont get on i feel like a teenager on my first date its ridiculous, but at my age get very few younger men who interested, wish me luck, ill need it, we planktons do,


  • Independent Ms says:

    Dear Plankton, I’ve been reading your blog avidly every time, and although I often find myself nodding in agreement with what you say, this is the first time I’ve put fingers to keyboard to reply.

    You mention Sidcup… is that where you live? You probably won’t want to the answer than for fear of revealing your true identity, which I understand.

    I’m a fellow plankton from Sidcup, though when I was your age I didn’t quite see myself as plankton then. I do now, after some 10 years of not finding anyone remotely suitable for a long-term relationship. There certainly seems to be a lack of decent single men, both here and in the surrounding areas.

    I agree with the other respondents: leave Mother’s Friend well alone. He’ll only be after a bit of comfort while he looks around to see who else is available. You deserve better than that.

    • The Plankton says:

      Dear Independent Ms, Thanks very much for putting fingers to keyboard. I am glad you are enjoying my blog. Please do keep commenting if you fancy. The more (non-vitriolic ones) the merrier. Very best wishes, Plankton

  • DAN says:

    I dont know about this new freind of your mothers plankton ?

    As you have said yourself with such ease that he is GETTING DIVORCED, and has just SPLIT UP with his mistress, and if i have picked it up correctly a multi-millionaire !

    Is that the smoke alarm or the bomb raid siren i hear ?
    Whichever one it is, isen’t it very loud ?

    And then of course theres that unforgetable shouting coming through the air from somewhere in the distance that you might hear at a rehersal or audition – NEXT ! NEXT ! NEXT !

    But then again he could probably afford to take you to the pictures, but why settle for that when he could obviously afford to take you on a world cruise. Now thats the way to think.
    Just dont get involved emotionally with this guy or you could be the misstress he dumps next month !


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