Little Shaking Bleeping Thing in My Fucking Dreams

September 29, 2011 § 14 Comments

All day yesterday I was thinking wouldn’t it be thrilling if once, just once in my life, a man I was really keen on suddenly surprised me with an email or text or call.  If, out of the blue, when my phone did its little shaking bleepy thing that it wasn’t yet another spammy salespitch from Amazon or John Lewis or Brora or Waitrose, or even on the odd occasion a nice man I don’t fancy, but instead an unexpected missive from someone as intriguing and beguiling as Long Shot.   No spinning necessary. But this only ever seems to happen to other people.  If it happened to me, I’d be so amazed, I’d have to lie down for half an hour.

I can count on one finger the times in my life when someone on whom I was really keen, in those very early stages, actually contacted me.  It’s completely fucking pathetic, but joy of the memory of Gavin’s schoolboy letter still resonates over thirty years later.  In every other case, things happened more prosaically.  I would meet someone somewhere for the first time; fancy him.  And because I would never contact him: nothing.  Till maybe the next time I happened to bump into him.  I might manufacture the bumping into, with a certain amount of cunning spinning behind the scenes, and then something may – or, more often, may not – get off the ground from there.

I was sitting here yesterday and a nice text came in from Poppy Seed.  I thought, text from PS; text from LS.  On paper: 50/50.  But in fact, so not 50/50.  What is it that dictates that the text invariably comes through from one and not the other?

Sod’s Law plays a huge part of course.  Next must come the inescapable truth that I am a plankton.  PS sees someone my age and thinks, “Younger; great!”  LS sees someone my age – his age indeed – and thinks, “Friendly, mildly amusing middle-aged person, possibly worth half an hour of my time,” [NB. person not woman], if he thinks anything at all.

Or maybe neither of those factors has anything to do with it, (though I doubt it).  In which case, it’s a matter of sheer luck again (cf yesterday’s post): PS fancies me; LS doesn’t (yet still that luck – or lack of it – is presumably heavily reliant on Sod’s Law and planktonism).  PS is pro-active; LS is lazy (which could be plain bad luck or could be me fancying faintly hopeless as opposed to rather together types, in which case I deserve all that’s coming to me – or not, as it so happens).

I have been told not to think about any of this stuff and just get on with life, and that is completely right of course.  All hail to getting on with life and never thinking about any of this shit!

But it’s hard, sitting here on my own all day, working, concentration flagging, cogitating.  As I have said before and am doubtless becoming a repetitive old hag, this is not all of a plankton’s life but it is a good proportion of it, the speculating, thinking, scheming, feeling helpless and hopeless, and hoping.  Easy for non-planktons to say get on with life when that part of theirs is smugly sorted freeing them up to get on with the rest of theirs.  I can’t help thinking about it, and because of (an astonishing, unprecedented, unbelievable, extraordinary) three dates in four days this past week, I have fallen to thinking about it rather more than normal.  Allowed!

And I have been thinking: I am not in love with LS, of course I am not, I have only met him fleetingly, but as a plankton who has been on the prowl for some years now to little end, things are coming to a temporary pitch of frustration and hope, and I now find myself with all these teenage feelings going on inside me because I have met someone I would like to fall in love with given half a bleeding chance because he is just the type of person I would like to be with, on so many levels.  I would have liked to have been given the chance to fall in love with the man in A Story a Propos of Nothing Much, with whom there were fireworks several months back but, though he took my telephone number, he never fucking rang (and then disappeared off the face of the earth; I’d defy a private detective to have been able to get in touch with him, let alone a reticent-about-ringing-a-man-at-the-best-of-times-plankton).

Oh, to be given half a bleeding chance and the chance for the one I really like – and not the other one – to be the spinner for once, and not me.

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§ 14 Responses to Little Shaking Bleeping Thing in My Fucking Dreams

  • Bambi says:

    I think we are going to need an Excel sheet type of database of who is who here – something that we could refer back and forth to as the need arises – just a simple name (as in, Plankton nick-name for the chap) and one-line description which will jog our collective memories…. it’s all getting very confusing! Eventually maybe the database could be extended to include columns such as “For Action”, “Awaiting reply”, “For filing”, “Filed”, “Archived/deleted” etc etc…. (Lest it be lost in the sometimes tonelessness of the written word, I write this with tongue firmly in cheek…).

    Am I correct in thinking PS is the older, just divorced, adulterer?

    Oh, and did you text LS in the end or not? Maybe I missed that….?

    • t lover says:

      Terrific. Bambi, salute. Best entertainment for days.

      A sprinkling of impatient feistiness? Or a dusting of the home truths? Away the slush, bring on the powdered glass.

      I see you now – strapped Joan of Ark style to the tailfin of a Ryanair jet – practising the handbag as you bump along the runway at Heathrow..……

      • Bambi says:

        Good God! I hope this is not a prophecy…! I pass through Heathrow soon (en route to check out all those wonderful men who await my arrival in the Southern Hemisphere). Happily not Ryanair though, so maybe no runway bumps….and maybe even a seat on board….(wistful)..

  • missnovember says:

    As I’ve said before to you, Plankton – I love, love, love your blog. I’ve been a fellow Plankton for ages, despite thinking I was in a long distance ‘relationship’ with some one. Seems it was just casual on his part. Have finally given up hope with that one and have decided to do something positive and buy a different ticket in this lottery of love. Signed up for a dating website and in less than 24 hours, have had chats (albeit online) with two possible contenders. Don’t give up hope and try ALL options. You got to be in it to win it. Keep smiling, as it confuses everyone and ignore all the smug marrieds stupid platitudes. Apologies if someone has quoted this before, but I think this should be the motto of Planktons everywhere ….Don’t put all your eggs in one bastard.

  • june says:

    Yes plankton i agree with much of this, noone i fancy ever texts me either. and yes it would be nice. I reason if you meet a bloke and he fancies you or even just feels he would like to see if you again to see if it works, he will 1. Suggest meeting again.or 2. Text email or in the old fashioned way ring you. If neither then he is bloody well not interested and is there any point in you contacting him! . This is what happened with plenty fish man, he was quite a bit younger, which of course i prefer, as said men of my age just dont attract me,, sorry but they dont, most have one foot in grave, but hasnt con tacted, me, i didnt feel a spark but would have seen him again.

    I have agreed to meet another plenty fish man saturday lunchtime i have no desire at all to do this, he sounds not at all my type, why am i doing it, hope springs eternal perhaps, otherwise id just accept my fate. And when i see so many with crap relationships, as that dear friend of mine has, shes not happy bless,it shows so much but she so cant bear thought of becoming a plankton, and who woukd blame her but is a crap relationship better than none at all? , I know to me it isnt, but sometimes you wonder. Also you wonder why some of us get either nothing as we do, or like my friend,totally the wrong person,and others get lovely kind, easy going partners a nd have a great relationship, i ponder this often, i think im a kind caring nice person, as i am sure you are,and my friend is, why are we so damm unlucky! I am just bloody mad with it all, i know some think my standards way too high, well tough, i am bloody worth it and always have been, it just hasnt happend.

  • MissM says:

    I am going to hope that LS breaks the pattern and sends you a text. Or phones. Or initiates something. All it would take is one person, like LS for you, to have the whole future change for the better.

    I’d like to see something wonderful like that happen to you. Like lottery winning, it happens to someone so why not you. And surely it is not a lot to ask for from life, to have the person you really fancy actually do something indicating they fancy you back.

    I know exactly what it is like to be the one who does the desiring without much reciprocation. If I ever run into Luck, who is most certainly no lady, I am going to kick it in its tender spot for being so stingy with the good stuff, and Sod must definitely be due to take his Law away on Long Service Leave by now. Just one break is all a plankton needs.

  • PLANKTONWATCH….. day # 81….

  • Dear Plankton,

    I remain hopeful that LS will text.

    However, I urge you to take the long view. First, what is it that you want? I suspect, as for many of us, it’s to be in a healthy, loving relationship with a man who is mad about you!

    And long-term happiness is based on finding someone who demonstrates his interest, concern and treatment toward you. If you go on thinking that perhaps LS might be ‘the one’ because you think you fancy him, even if you caught him, you would likely spend the rest of your days doing all the work in your relationship.

    Be open to the attentions of PS. You may not think he’s the man you want; he may demonstrate to you that he is. If nothing else, allowing yourself to receive masculine energy will welcome more to come your way…

    Cheers.

  • Mezzanine says:

    Hey Ms P

    Text him (LS). Then your little shaking bleeping thingey will shake and bleep and hey presto, you have a message from him. Easy peasey :0)

  • Lydia says:

    Those is of who have been married before and had children are the lucky ones. if we find someone, great. If not we have been married, had a family which is a lot more than many people achieve (or indeed want – plenty don’t want it).

  • EmGee says:

    Is there a way to follow replies without having to leave one?

    I am one of those who feels like she has always waited to hear from ‘the one’, and doesn’t even often hear from some of the ‘others’.

    Every time the phone rings I hope it is ‘him’, and maybe once a week, it is. Even though I know I will see him again in a couple week’s time, still I anticipate a call at any moment.

  • I’ve placed $40.00 in our betting pool that you’ll be in a healthy relationship by this upcoming December. Please do not disappoint me here, Ms. Plankton- The payout odds are calculated at 4 : 1 !!!

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