September 30, 2011 § 27 Comments
I read a piece in the New York Times last week by Sara Eckel entitled Sometimes, It’s Not You, and it contained my sentiments entirely. She didn’t use the term plankton to describe herself when she had been alone, but that was clearly how she had seen herself.
She was saying that so often people would spout platitudes at her and, insultingly, they were all to do with her having to sort herself out and deal with her own “issues”, as well as the usual bullshit [you can probably guess that’s my word not the one she used in the NY Times, but drift the same] about her having to find a way to being “happy in herself” [bleargh!] before she had any hope of finding a man. The thing she objected to was the implication that, somehow, not having a man, was her own fault.
Tra fucking la!
Someone else has said it.
You know what? We all have – dread fucking word – “issues” before, during and after being with someone. It is the state of being a human being. And yet most people are with someone despite all the issues that are swilling about them and indeed swilling above, below and between them and each other.
As Eckel said, it is all about happening upon the right person at the right time.
Someone else has said it!
Turns out she had her plankton period, then the right man came along who didn’t give a shit about any of her so-called issues, he just loved – loves – her as she is, issues and all, and they are still happily together. Her initial guilty secret, the fact that no one had asked her out for a date for so long, far from being off-putting to him as she feared, was seen by him as positive because it meant she was free to be with him and more fool all the other men who hadn’t snapped her up! Yo! What a great sounding guy.
I had another text from Poppy Seed yesterday asking me out again. So, quite obviously, my “issues” (Not loving myself enough? Thinking about it all too much as opposed to just Getting On With My Life? Not being able to tell myself I am beautiful/worth it/my thighs are totally gorgeous, the most gorgeous thighs that ever chafed the planet?) don’t seem to have put him off. So why should they put off Long Shot?
It’s all a load of platitudinous fucking claptrap. Sara Eckel was spot on. The right one came along for her; I suppose he may one day for me, but it’s the law of averages, isn’t it (which are against me because I am a woman and old)? And fuck all to do with my (frankly very average and really rather insignificant) “issoooos”.