A Date is a Date

October 1, 2011 § 11 Comments

I contemplated long and hard as to whether or not I should accept a second date with Poppy Seed when I was spending an undignified amount of my time thinking about Long Shot.

Surely there can be no harm going on a date with one man when rather yearning for another who I imagine hasn’t even thought about contacting me (disappointing but fair enough, I guess, as he did only meet me for half an hour, even though that hasn’t stopped me wanting contact with him, but planktons minds’ work differently from those of attractive bachelors).  A date is a date, and not marriage after all.

I was worried that taking up another offer from PS might count as using someone, or exploitation.  But to go on another date with him is, more, in the spirit of keeping an open mind and not wishing to burn bridges.  As a very close member of my family says, you have to meet someone at least three times before you write them off, so that is what I have decided to do.

I have a second date with PS next week, but my thoughts and hopes lie elsewhere.

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§ 11 Responses to A Date is a Date

  • dorisj69 says:

    Meet him, I knew my husband for a year before we got together and a lot of the time thought he was a right ****, fast forward 15 years and we are still happily together.

  • EmGee says:

    Do you really have to wring your hands over this? Okay, you said it yourself, it is just a date, and if the company is affable, why not? No sense sitting in the cinders waiting for Prince Charming to return.

  • Rory from Dublin says:

    One date is not a relationship, nor is two, three or four. If you are thinking of someone else fair enough. There is a line in the movie Sleepless in Seattle where Tom Hanks tells his son-We are just trying each other on for size” in reply to his sons worry that he is dating the wrong woman-so that’s all you are doing by going on another date-and that is all he is doing too-fair is fair after all..

    How will you know which flavour you like if you don’t taste all the ice cream. Go on three dates, give him and more importantly yourself a sporting chance. If Long Shot only has time for 30 minutes with you that’s as much time as he thinks you are worth. The question is-Are you worthy of more time? Clearly Poppy man thinks you are-what is this telling you?

  • Erin says:

    Dear P, I fear that no one will stand a chance with the spectre of LS lurking in the background. Why not just send that harmless little text and see what happens. If he doesn’t reciprocate in a positive manner, then you will be able to cut the cord on him and concentrate on others. You have built him up in your mind to be something he really may not be at all. If he is a complete douche, you don’t want him anyway. At least if you send the text, you will know – as for now, he is the great unknown, what if guy. As always, good luck and best wishes – you have tons to offer. I know you don’t like platitudes, but this one is true.

  • Lynsey says:

    Dear fellow Plankton,
    Re in particular your recent observation: “…I have been thinking: I am not in love with LS, of course I am not, I have only met him fleetingly, but as a plankton who has been on the prowl for some years now to little end, things are coming to a temporary pitch of frustration and hope, and I now find myself with all these teenage feelings going on inside me because I have met someone I would like to fall in love with given half a bleeding chance”

    I just wanted to let you know I’ve been following your blog for some weeks, (since Femail day) – I am a 51 year old fellow plankton, single, child now grown, running a successful London based business, and (amazingly) with a couple of part time lovers young enough to be my sons, both early 30’s.

    BUT I absolutely share your thoughts on so many levels, the one quoted in particular. Your “LongShot” is my Ukrainian lover stuck in Kiev.
    Lover is a bit of an overstatement given that I was told to forget his slightly drunken misdemeanour one balmy Kiev night a few weeks ago, but supposedly we are still “friends”. (I’ve known this guy for four years by the way in another capacity, and always had a LESS than temporary “pitch of frustration” going on for him.
    Hey ho, never did Planktons feel SO undesired, and “forget” I will not….Like you, giving time over to deliberate reminiscing more likely!
    As you say though, does not stop the frustration and yearning for that special one who appears unobtainable.
    On a +ve note though, I do strongly advise other British Planktons to look overseas. My week in Kiev offered more opportunity than a year in seemingly romance-barren London.

    • Lydia says:

      Indeed and men often do, don’t they – the Thai bride and the ilke. British men who cannot really get a decent british woman end up with a foreign one who often wants a meal ticket and the like and sometimes it works out well. Nothing to stop women doing that too.

      • kidrock says:

        True.
        If you are looking for young, eligible bachelors then look no further than any of the countries in north africa (morocco, tunisia, egypt etc). Seems to be a total haven.

        On the occasions i have been to those places on vacation, you have no idea how many middle-aged women (from UK, US and other european nations) i have come across who were there for this very reason.

        If you can then there is no reason why you shouldn’t.

      • Lynsey says:

        Reply to Kidrock below from Lynsey (commented above): In fact I worked in Tunisia many years ago for a year, and north Africa is a place I would absolutely not recommend this type of “activity” for reason of the too vastly different cultures and attitudes, too many levels of hidden agendas. But hey, each to their own, and I’m not denying Ukraine has its share of agenda-incentives. I’m currently in US and yes, here is still better for Planktons than UK (our accents, better reason than meal tickets).

  • Empress says:

    Dear P,

    There is no shame or guilt in this situation, you are not involved with either man at this time, merely looking and hoping. To borrow a (horrible but very apt )phrase from our American cousins you and PS are not “exclusive”, therefore you are both free to entertain the possibilty of another. The time may come when that is no longer the situation, but for now sample and enjoy.

  • Margaux says:

    Mmmm..interesting post and comments. I would beg to differ. Look at it from Poppyseed’s pov. The fact that he’s asked you out on a second date suggests that you are upper most in HIS thoughts. But you know he’s not in yours. .. would you not be just giving him hope?

    I don’t subscribe to the ‘3 dates before you write them off ‘scenario. Either someone rings your bell or they don’t . And we know that pretty quickly. If you have to think about it -it isn’t happening in my view, and therefore you would be just stringing him along.

    OK – maybe go on the second date just to make sure – but if it’s a no go-er then signal so in a graceful manner….

    (Still think you should send that text!)

  • Bambi says:

    Call me cynical, but, based on Poppy Seed’s history, he may very well have asked you out on a date while at the same time “rather yearning for another”. I don’t imagine he would have a crisis of conscience about that sort of thing, so why should you?

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