Men With So Many Women

October 5, 2011 § 62 Comments

At the party on Sunday night I bumped into the friend who had introduced me a year or so ago to the man who went on to offer me A Slice of Disappointment (cf. earlier blog of that name) and very soon after that boasted that he had met someone else.  I asked after him.  She beamed.  “Oh, he is so well,” she told me.  “At last, really enjoying the benefits of being single.”  Her voice was steeped with implication.  It was just a question of how many women were being implied.  And if he was seeing them all at once or, rather more conservatively, one after another, in quick succession?  Two?  Four?  Six?

Probably several at once if another of my friend’s cheery news is anything to go by.  She has just rung me to tell me that no fewer than three men in her (smartest, richest) neighbourhood (in all England) are reaping the rewards of divorce.  One, a famous journalist I have known since I was twelve, has six women on the go, apparently.  He must be nearly seventy.  Another man has four or five and none of the women know about each other but each is more crazy about him than the last.  My friend was sure that Poppy Seed is bound to be dating/seeing/screwing more women than just me.

I thanked her for that and said that had really made my day.  No snippet could I imagine more tailor-made to lighten the burden of a plankton’s plight.

“No, Plank, you are gorgeous, in your own way,” she insisted.  “I am only saying this for your own protection.  I know a man who’s really quite good-looking and worth a billion and has just split up with his wife.  He is looking in the thirty-five year bracket but says they are such a bore because they are just after his money and want babies and are too intense when he just wants a fuck-buddy.  I must introduce you to him!  He might like you because you are just you and he’d get the vibe that you aren’t after his money.”

Such a fetching prospect.  I can hardly contain myself.

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§ 62 Responses to Men With So Many Women

  • Bambi says:

    Before the onslaught of replies begins….

    There is an elephant in this blog-room.

    “There” ≠ “Their”
    “Your” ≠ “You are”
    Not even in Plankton-land!

  • Bambi says:

    I’m not sure that your friend is entirely correct – PS may not be BOUND to be seeing more than one woman, but, as I have tried to suggest (gently)before, he is LIKELY to be. I meant well when I said it. Your friend possibly does too!

    Apologies for the capitals here – it does not seem to be possible to use italics on this blog (except for Plankton). If anyone has figured out a solution to this, do let me know, please.

  • John, a gentle man. says:

    So, go meet him! That would then make four men that the plankton has spinning.

    • The Plankton says:

      Sure, but I am not sleeping with them all in rotation! Best, Plankton

      • John, a gentle man. says:

        We have YOUR word for that, fine, but on nothing more than the second or third hand anecdotal evidence of so called friends of yours, you are convinced that all the divorced men in England are REALLY enjoying the benefits of being single. Come on shark lady, wake up and ‘smell the coffee’

  • Sarah says:

    I think it’s pretty normal for people who have just divorced to go a bit wild. Loosed from the shackles, they go in search of commitment-free fun.

    I suppose some never readjust back to the idea of commitment and carry on the wild behaviour. The 70yr old guy would probably only settle down with one woman again if he got too sick to keep all the others satisfied and basically just needed a nurse/housekeeper.

    Rich men can have a bevy of beautiful young women dripping off their arms so have less incentive to settle for one, unless it’s in their character.

    Still, I think your friend was being rather provocative and not a little insulting. I’d put laxative in her coffee next time you meet.

    • plumgrape says:

      This “commitment” business is interesting. Surely you go along with whatever as long as it suits, male or female besides. If you are not happy why should you go on? Because you are committed or married or self flagelistic or just with no better option perhaps? I feel being committed on my own though not through any choice I personally can make I can asure you. The problem I see is a million women all spinning and swearing by Almighty God that all is otherwise. It is the hypocrisy that is impossible to live with and hence you are probably better off on your own. Shame about “the”, or “no”, company. It’s a bit lonely here.
      Does this seem insincere? After all, “he might like you because you are just you”, and we might get “the vibe that we aren’t after non-plankton or their money.” I say it is about good company first and if she is georgeous too then so much the better and lucky for you.
      Look at Keith Richards’s book “Life”, I have just read. Patti is lovely and good fun too, running away, as she did at one time from Keith when he describes himself as persuing her akin to Long John Silver! It was quite a number of years ago.
      Keith is quite an untamed individual. He is happy to own up to knives and guns and possessiveness as indeed he does when he asks Patti (his wife) at one point to choose between her own brother and himself. It is quite the beast and back to sexual jealousy Plankton recognised. I think some of Keith Richards’ difficulties are partially attributable to his many years of heroin addiction. It is a good, interesting and telling book. He comes across as a genuinely good fellow, but has had a blight.

    • EmGee says:

      Right on Bambi! Don’t you just love it when ‘friends’ couch their snarkiness in the fleece of friendly compassion?

      • Bambi says:

        Think you mean Sarah, EmGee. I was inclined to give the “friend” the benefit of the doubt on the basis that maybe she was over-stating the case ( rather undiplomatically, it has to be said!) in an effort to warn Plankton off a man whom she feels may hurt her – but Sarah’s comment is brilliant (laughed aloud) – think I might give Poppy Seed some of that laxative too – especially if he were to hurt our Plankton!!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    *deep sigh*

  • Lydia says:

    Some women do this too. It’s not hard to find a string of lovers. In fact it’s easier to find someone who looks good, someone else who is good in bed, someone else who is lovely to talk to etc etc. The harder thing for most of us is finding someone who is enough what we want that they are all in the same woman or man.

    It should not make people jealous that others have what indeed they might have themselves. Sex has never been the problem for people to find (easier for women than men even).

    Also don’t dismiss something starting out as quite sexual as it’s fairly common that something like that develops further particularly if the other person is also interesting and clever and kind.

    I agree with the friend. It’s why divorced 40 something women with chidlren are gold dust really. I see myself as hugely desirable not plankton because I don’t want more babies and earn a lot so the things some (but not all) men fear who have already had their family are not present in we super 40s women. We are the best of the best. Lucky us.

    • John, a gentle man. says:

      Well said Lydia, especially your final paragraph, Perhaps, now that the former Plankton has three, or is it four, dates on the go, she will think of a different nom de plume.

      • Lydia says:

        She’s plankton because mentally and internally she regards herself as that or because it sells the words. Certainly it is no longer true that no man ever asks her out. The idea some have written about that it is literally impossible to get a single date ( which I have always known is untrue for most people) is wrong.

    • kidrock says:

      I agree with your last paragraph.
      A high proportion of the women i dated, who were in their 40s were great fun.

  • plumgrape says:

    You sure do pick ’em! Interesting that you say “Poppy Seed is bound to be dating/seeing/screwing more women than just me”. This does infer that he is actually “screwing” you! Here I assume, “screwing” means having sexual relations with. Firstly, I thought your blog (with a strong female bias) established or maintained that sex equals ownership and secondly I thought you were going to remove yourself from the airwaves when this elevated state of affairs came about. I am glad by the way that you have not gone off-air. Perhaps now you feel a little differently, comprehending “spinning”, as you have written about it and perhaps this has altered your perception a little?
    I am sure you are georgeous. I think you must be wary of the disengenuous remark.Why would A Slice of Disappointment boast? Perhaps he was not appreciated or understood and hurt.”Oh, he is so well,” and ”At last, really enjoying the benefits of being single.” suggests to me that this is self perpetuating. Do you want to be loved? And on what terms? Can this not be discussed in an open forum? And do you have someone with integrity who will keep their word and be honest or do you not just have another shyster?

    • Bambi says:

      Plumgrape, it doesn’t necessarily infer that Poppy Seed is screwing Plankton. “Dating/seeing/screwing” are alternatives.

    • Lydia says:

      I would imagine she like most of us of both sexes does want to be loved. Some people’s criteria are so fussy however that subconsciously they do not really want someone and they put up barriers so high that they will never find anyone at all. That may be because they have been hurt in the past or else they still love their ex husband/wife.

      Yes, some people will always have several partners onthe go and they tend not to be the best ones unless you’re just looking for something casual yourself.

  • anniebub says:

    Dear Plankton, It is a truth universally acknowledged that a (newly single) man in possession of a good fortune (and his freedom) imust NOT be in want of a wfe. Why would he? If he is enjoying himself after years of being tied down. He can have it all and most of all, his independence. The more I see of men, especially as they get older, the less likely they are to extend themselves further than they have to. So if they can have it all without changing the goal posts why wouldn’t they? Problem is; these men are always the most attractive, as well as being unavailable. Somehow or other, if you go after one of them, you will have to convince him that apart from being stunningly attractive yourself, witty, amusing and cool, you pose no threat, unlike the younger versions wanting more children and a huge income, because you simply want to be their friend. Once you have him off guard and not threatened you are in with a chance of charming the pants off him.

    • Bambi says:

      Brilliant adaptation of that line from Pride & Prejudice, anniebub!

    • Lydia says:

      There are two types. Some hate not being at home with their children and very quickly rush into a new marriage. I have known those ones. Others are free of a spouse and get on with having as many women (or men) as they choose and are hurt by the divorce and need to recover before remarrying if they remarry at all. You would not want to be the rebound person of the latter type.

  • Penny says:

    Hilarious Plankton, the way you wrote it. One of your best! Unfortunately what you say is all true! Men do have a much better life than us when single.

    And female friends, like yours, usually married, can’t wait to tell us.

    A friend of mine some years back had a male friend, who was single, she was reluctant to introduce me, I finally did meet him and by then he had met someone. She was gorgeous, tall slim, 10 years younger. He was not attractive, boring, dull (thats why my friend didnt think I’d like him) so there you go, he ended up with a gorgeous younger woman! It beggars belief!

    • The Plankton says:

      Dear Penny, Thank you. A sympathetic and complimentary comment does make my day. Much appreciated. Best, Plankton

    • John, a gentle man. says:

      Dear Penny, your first paragraph is very biased, and very broad brush to boot. I could happily take you to a social activities club of which I am a member, and ask the question ‘who has a better life when single?’ of twenty members. I am pretty sure that the ten guys would say ‘the girls’ and vice versa, and, why should it ‘beggar belief’ that your friend’s male friend, should find a woman who was gorgeous, tall, slim and ten years younger ? It seems obvious that he was only ‘unattractive, dull and boring’ to you and your friend, though NOT to the ‘gorgeous younger woman’

  • John, a gentle man. says:

    Dear Penny, I find it sad, from a divorced, middle aged, male perspective, that you do not have more men friends from within our demographic, If you had, they might confide that they do not ‘have it all’. Many, where children are sadly involved, and especially where they were not the instigator of the divorce, do not have the family home, the company of the children, of the cat, the dog, and of mutual friends. That they have had to set up a new home, often small and often rented, and then, once they have somehow got their heads back together, try to find a woman again, all in the knowledge that there are some descent and honourable ones out there.

    • AJ says:

      Hello John, I do not have a single male friend in my age bracket (perhaps like Penny) and therefore can only go on the experience of the single men I’ve dated. The last one I dated ago was very confusing, blew hot and cold, difficult to “read” and left me feeling completely disillusioned about ever meeting anyone considerate, genuine etc..

      Maybe through their experiences they have been left bruised and therefore “wary” but hey, so have I! I left my husband (he refused to leave), I went into rented accommodation for 3 years waiting for him to decide on whether he wanted to buy me out of our house or not (during which time he moved his new woman in).

      I wish I could meet men like you and your single male friends, it would be such a revelation to find there are men who are simply not just looking for a quick shag/lsomeone who resembles their ex-wife/someone younger (delete as applicable), but instead are truly trying to find someone to build a long lasting relationship with. I’m willing to leave all the crap of my past behind, so should they….

      Like some other male bloggers who wonder, there are some decent women out there, I count myself amongst them…

      • John, a gentle man. says:

        Dear Aj, I wish I could find a way through the anonymity firewall of this blog so that I could introduce you to some men who could be your friends. I am lucky to have several ladies of that category and I value their friendship dearly. On your second point, yes, there are many men out there who are bruised and wary. Some can put it all behind them, others will carry baggage all their lives, the degree of rejection and hurt they have experienced has a lot to do with it. Perhaps your ex husband would put himself in the rejected category after you ‘left him because he refused to leave you’ I don’t know your circumstances, and I won’t judge, but usually, people find it difficult to see both sides of a break up.

      • kidrock says:

        Here is a thought, why dont you meet up with john?
        Action speak louder than words.

  • Chris says:

    Wow, so you’ve just discovered that men with status and loads of money kinda attract lots of women. Ummm…was it not ever thus. Tell you something funny. I have 2 cars, Porsche Boxster and a 12 year old Peugeot 206. Why the old Peugeot ? Well, its my old mums old car and she likes me to run her around in it. Now, strangely enough, for some reason women seem to find me more attractive when I drive the Porsche rather than the Peugeot. I wonder why that is……duh, like I can’t work that out. Plankton, all you are proving is that women gravitate to certain THINGS. There are plenty of guys but only a few have those THINGS. The guys who have got it know it and just play the field. They don’t have to commit. Hell, they are intelligent enough to know that, that’s how they ended up with loads of stuff. I will finish now, I am bored with stating the obvious.

    • MissBates says:

      Funny — I’d find you more attractive in the Peugeot. Porsches (particularly Boxters, for God’s sake) are midlife-crisis mobiles. And before you ask, I myself drive a BMW 7 series.

    • The Plankton says:

      I couldn’t give a shit what car a man drives. I’d be hard pressed upon to notice, unless it was a Porsche, perhaps, because I find them so naff. Best Wishes, Plankton

      • t lover says:

        Chris is right. One thousand per cent He was not talking absolutes, just generalities. His experience is mine.

        I notice that all the men you have elevated to fanciable level have money or “status”.

        I still giggle about a bloke I used to know who had this rather shabby Roller. Married. But if he went to a “do” on his own he always had a failsafe – there would always be a girl who wanted a lift home in a Rolls.

        Of course women always deny that, for them, money is important. How many times do you hear “I am not like that”. Well, there are too many mismatched couples around for that disclaimer to be true. A starter for ten: Thai brides.

      • Bambi says:

        Plankton and MissBates, you both took the words out of my mouth – and gave me such a laugh, thank you. I couldn’t give a shit what kind of car a man drives – because, guess what, I have my very own car and, as far as I am concerned, cars are for getting one from A to B, preferably in reasonable comfort and safety.
        I had the opportunity of dating a guy who drove a Porsche Boxter (he had to tell me what it was!) and I “resisted”. (Probably subconsciously reminded me too much of my ex, who purchased a fancy convertible when he was going through his mid-life crisis, presumably in an effort to impress other women).
        Of course some (not all) women are impressed by cars, just as some (not all) men are impressed by big tits and long legs.
        Personally, I am more impressed by clean fingernails than by a car. Each to their own.

    • AJ says:

      I take it then you have women falling at your feet? Lucky you if so and wonder where you get the time to contribute to this blog? Isn’t having a “super” car a bit like dangling your cock out of your trousers? Attention seeking in other words… Give me a man who drives a truck any day…

      Plankton, I don’t blame you if you don’t post this comment, maybe it’s a bit harsh but then again, I just had to say it..

      • John, a gentle man. says:

        Dear Aj, don’t be so hard on Chris, he is simply stating a truism. Men in trucks may be what turns you on, lol, but the majority of single women would rather be seen in a sports, or prestige car. Sad and shallow I know, but that’s life, as we single men of a certain age, find it.

      • Chris says:

        Hi AJ, well, what to say ? I am used to this and have a nice thick skin !! My attitude toward women is pretty much take it or leave it these days. I drive what I want to drive for ME. All i did was state what seemed to be a collateral effect of driving different types of motor, that’s all. Carry on being harsh, that’s OK.

      • Joules says:

        Dear AJ
        I agree. I find sports cars a big turn off. My ex had one (bought a long time after we started going together – when he started to go through an early mid-life crisis I think). My take is that they advertise the kind of selfish shallow outlook of some men. Give me a man with a sensible vehicle, useful for the life that they lead. After all a car is a means of getting from A to B. Some of the most attractive male (married unfortunately for me) friends of mine actually go to work on a bicycle – no mean feat in a small village with very busy roads to traverse.

    • Lydia says:

      Very true. Men and women at the bottom of the food chain don’t find it so easy to get partners. Those higher up have more interest.

      Applies the other way too. Pretty sexy fairly well off slim women find it easier to attract men. None of this is rocket science. There are a lot of low IQ fat complicated depressed ill middle aged women out there. If you are instead a stable nice fairly pretty one it’s not hard to get men. Whether I am or am not I think I am so I suppose that positive view helps.

      I just do not buy the muth that a man my age – late 40s has masses of choice of women and a woman doesn’t. There are lots of good men out there looking to settle with women.

    • Redbookish says:

      Good Lord! I grew up in a family with 2 Porsches at one point, and grew to find them deeply silly cars. A man with a Porsche does not impress me at all. Why make such silly generalisations? I suppose you probably prefer the kinds of women who are impressed by your Porsche.

    • kidrock says:

      chris,
      i can attest to the whole driving a fancy car thing.
      my experience is identical to yours.
      When the Bimmer comes out to play, so do the girls apparently.

    • kidrock says:

      chris,
      i can attest to the whole driving a fancy car thing.
      my experience is identical to yours.
      when the bimmer comes out to play, so do the girls apparently.
      funny coincidence me thinks.

      BTW, i am more of a 911 man myself.
      i think boxsters are a little feminine.

  • MissM says:

    What a strange friend that one is P, she sounds positively proud of this man’s casual treatment of women. Not to mention being nothing more than a “fuck-buddy” for someone is not something I’d aspire to either.

    Do “fuck-buddies” ever get promoted to being something more significant? Or are they just tossed aside like a used tissue as soon as the novelty has worn off?

    • John, a gentle man. says:

      Dear Miss M, NO, ‘fuck buddies’ male or female, do NOT ‘get promoted’ so long as being a ‘fuck buddy’ is all they want to be. BUT, if they have confidence in themselves, there is absolutely no reason why sex, between two consenting adults, can not be part of the whole, glorious, being in love package.

      • MissM says:

        Absolutely sex is part the whole being in love package, but being a f-buddy sounds like none of the love is involved. Of course two consenting adults can do what they want. I just think it unfortunate that for some men if you want their company you have to be prepared to be nothing more than an elaborate sex toy, give your all and expect nothing in return. Sex and love are entwined for me and I am invariably the one that gets hurt after a man has had his sexual amusement and moved on without a care.

        I guess my problem is that I have never wanted a man purely for the sex alone, and it is terribly hard to find a man who is not driven by a desire for no strings attached sex.

      • Lydia says:

        CHoose more carefully. I have found more men (those I’ve known anyway) who are looking for a good second marriage and a partnership and chance to talk and form a new family than just want sex. I think it involves a certainly amount of weeding out. If they just write one line – what colour are your knickers then we can be pretty sure what he’s after; but there are plenty who are interested in all the rest as well as the knickers.

      • kidrock says:

        there is no reason why sex and love can’t be mutually exclusive.
        those who claim otherwise are just deluding themselves.

  • Erin says:

    Dear Ms. P, whilst looking for Mr. Right, please look for new friends also. The braying woman is certainly not your friend. A good friend would never rub your face in it. Hugs to you today – you rock!

  • june says:

    Dear me, this has stired a hornets nest of comments up.

    I dont necessarily know that single men have a better time of it than single women. They do in sense they can ask woman out, younger ones and possibly get accepted, while women seem to have no hope of getting a younger man, and if past 60 might as well just give up,unless we want 90 year olds. Look at guy of nearly70 plankton mentioned . i dont think any womean of that age would have one, let alone three!… But i think they find living on their own more difficult and they dont have the friendship networks we have. i mean take the last plenty fish date of mine, was living on benefits in a housing association house, in the sticks , there was no spark at all between us and he still wanted to meet again, although id made it plain i wasnt interested, as i really have no desire at my time of life to keep a man or have him move into my flat,even if i fancied him rotten, and i didnt him. He seemed very lonely in spite of having grown up kids who live nearby. Think that says it all..

  • Caz says:

    I so agree with lydia. I am 50+ and have a stable on the go. it’s not just about sex it’s about good cmpany and men meeting different needs and just having a great time and enjoying life.

    My husband walked out 12 yrs ago leaving me with young daughters….serious sink or swim time I dusted myself off went back to work as a profeessional and made the most of my talents in my spare time.

    I haven’t looked back. My life moves forwards every day and I have achieved so much. Anything could happen which is just so exctiting. Being busy and not wanting commitment seems to give men the green light…..and they are so keen. My saddest time seems to be seeing girlfriends who endlessly lament the lack of men. life is for living!

    Yes – I too was a plankton but now I have lots of interests/jobs/plates/opportunities all spinning and I embrace anything life offers. I do not earn a lot but through hard work and effort I have four amazing travel opportunities next year – all of which I will take and embrace the unexpected.

    It’s absolutely up to you and what you make of life planton. It is all about attitude……

    I am am independent, free – but and enjoy going out too. Get a stable on the go plankton. I love your blog but you need to live your life a bit more and not analyse it all so much – but then I suppose that’s what it’s all about!

    good luck

  • MissBates says:

    A “stable”? Seriously? I, too, am 50 yrs old, and have a demanding, highly-compensated career, own my own home, take at least two European trips per year plus a ski vacation, am an avid follower of my city’s cultural/arts scene, am well-read, have scads of friends, am still slender and attractive, and yet…..it’s been years since I’ve been in the same ROOM as an (i) available, (ii) heterosexual man of (iii) suitable age. Please parse that out carefully — yes, I’m surrounded by heterosexual men of suitable age at my office, but they’re all — yes, each and every one — married. I also have lots of male friends, but they’re gay. I have also had available, heterosexual men interested in me, but they were all of an age to own ties older than I am. And before someone replies and says I’m “too picky” — what’s “picky” about wanting someone available, straight, and in my own age range (say, 45-60)? If I was insistent upon handsome, rich and funny, THEN you could say I was being “too picky.” But as it is, STFU.

    Although I confess I would have to add to my brief list of criteria: no Porsche owners. LOL!

    • Bambi says:

      MissBates – maybe extend the age range to 30 – 60!!!!??? Lol!

    • kidrock says:

      missbates,
      To answer your question (without offending you), i think you might be overstating your level of physical attractiveness. That is the only tangible reason why i think you don’t have men queuing up to date you. BTW, there is no such concept as a man who isn’t ‘available’ – your failure primarily lies in getting him to become ‘available’ for YOU.

  • Caz says:

    Just today I finalised plans for a couple of eves out this w/e and booked a long w/e away next month with another “horse”…..( – and none of them are married, gay or porsche owners). Both my current horses are good looking, not rich but financially independent and great company though I could not commit to either one exclusively.
    Now is the time to feel free after all those years of being a model mother!

    I look after myself and it’s scary to be in my fifties but it gives me an even greater zest for life and living every moment.

    The journey begins with the choices you make ……

    • Bambi says:

      The journey you go on may also depend on where you are starting from (ie where you are living). Try having a “stable” in a smallish town in rural Ireland…. In fact, try having a stable ANYWHERE in Ireland, now that I think about it!
      This is not a particularly big issue for me personally, for various reasons but am just making the point as it may apply more generally to locations outside of Ireland also…. It isn’t always just that simple….

  • Caz says:

    ……… there are women out there plankton – much older than you….enjoying the benefits of being single.

    Goodnight!

    • june says:

      Well Caz you must live in a totally different kind of city to me. A stable of men and you are over 50! I would have said impossible, how the hell did you manage that. LIke Miss Bates i never seem to have these opportunities. I am slim, not unattractive, have belonged to several dating sites and frankly on none of them have i met anyone eligble, far from it, most i have met no sane women would want. Also i belong to a social group, same there, any remotely eligble ones are only interested in under 50s. My female friends are mostly younger than me, but even if i go out with them i rarely meet eligible males.

      Dont give plankton false hopes, there are not lots of older women than her enjoying the benefits of being single,if only. i dont hate being single i dont want to get married or live with anyone, just want a companion who is pleasant, easy going, a non smoker, in reasonable shape, not rich but solvent and is 50 plus to 60 ish, would prefer nearer 50, so many men of my age have one foot in grave, and have too old attitudes for me. But i seem to be crying for moon, as in 2 years i just havent met one. who remotely matches what i want and i dont think its a lot to ask,.

      • Lydia says:

        Okay we’re all about the same age and Caz and Lydia have one experience and some of the others a very different one. Let’s analyse that. I don’t by the way usually sleep with more than one man at once but I certainly could. So how do you find these stables? Well I’m in London not rural Ireland but plenty of men all over the place are in touch and if I wanted to fly to XYZ for a weekend of sex (not that I do) then I could. Surely if you’re in rural Ireland you can have weekends elsewhere but only if you have the funds afford petrol to Dublin or whatever.

        So on the dating sites June found no one eligble. Is the issue then about what all of us find eligible, having too high standards or just luck? I am pretty discriminating because I’m happy single and busy with career and chidlren and hobbies anyway. Sometimes things don’t work. I spoke to someone this week who I thought might be good but on the phone I didn’t think it would and I was a bit disappointed about that but I’ll move on and find someone else. You just have to keep at it. But let’s take him… there he is on a dating site, h e’s single, I am sure most of the women on this thread would regard him as eligible, he’s now very available, particularly wants someone clever which he has found the hardest thing to match, I am sure wants to settle down. Why can some people find men and not others?

      • Bambi says:

        Lydia, of course it is doable – we can drive or jet off out of Irish towns and villages for weekends of sex if we are bothered. The problem in this country is that we are all fucking related (or so it seems sometimes!). Or, at the very least, wherever you go, there will almost always be someone connected to someone who knows someone who knows you/the person you are with/your best friend/your sister etc. etc. So, before you have got to the boarding gate/ petrol station (to put the petrol in your car for the journey home), your next-door-neighbour knows/thinks they know whom and where you (might have) have been shagging for the weekend. Well, who cares, say you? (Consenting adults and all that….) Probably your children (if you have them) – when it is thrown at them at school on Monday morning by a classmate – they having overheard their Mommy and Daddy discussing it on Sunday night…. In fact, even if you don’t have children, it can become a bit wearing/invasive.

        Furthermore:
        – Dublin offers NO guarantees of anonymity. Fact.
        – Travel times by car can be up to 5 hours to Dublin on any given Friday evening from some parts of this fair isle. Fact. (10 hours driving for possibly less than 48 hours of sex..? Surmise.)
        -Flights around here can be pretty damn expensive and may involve having to travel long distances by road to even get to the bloody airport. Two facts.

        These are not issues for me personally and I have no complaints about man-meeting opportunities, as it happens (and not because I live within easy striking distance of an airport either!), but, as I said before, it is not always that simple for many others. So, to answer your question, circumstances may be the reason why some people find men and others don’t….

    • Lydia says:

      Ah, well that’s the nice thing about London, the anonymity. Is Dublin really as bad as that? My children know I meet men. However I am not in a one religion very religious old fashioned cou ntry which presumably you imply Ireland is. I was in Iran last year and various otehr places. I accept there are places on this planet where it is harder to build up a relationship with a man than some others and London is a better place.

      Some people move actually in order to find a partner.

      I am not necessarily advocating casual sex by the way. i’m not into it but once you like someone presumably even in Ireland between consenting adults who have already married and had children they might have sex before a second “marriage”.

  • Rubycon says:

    You’re gorgeous — ‘in your own way?’ You’ll do for a fuckbuddy for my divorced friend? oh Plank…I hope you realize this woman is a frenemy and not an actual friend. Women like her are passive aggressive and relish in the schadenfreude of someone more miserable than themselves. It’s a poor substitute for happiness, but all that is available for some people

  • Jes says:

    “No, Plank, you are gorgeous, in your own way,” – I think she is known as a toxic friend.

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