My Erotic Capital in the Face of PS and LS

October 7, 2011 § 50 Comments

Simply it is this.

I am several years younger than PS, ergo my – dread phrase – erotic capital is higher but he is rich and I am poor, so we are almost equals.  There again, to me money is immaterial.

LS is my age or thereabouts and therefore I feel his inferior because in any engagement with him, he is the one doing me a favour as he could be consorting with women half my age.

So I will behave differently with the two men.  Barely consciously, but confident with one; grateful with the other.

It is a tragedy but there it is.  PS will lap it up.  LS will run a fucking mile.



§ 50 Responses to My Erotic Capital in the Face of PS and LS

  • Anonymous says:

    PS sounds like more fun. Why feel grateful with LS? You’ll always be on the back foot…..

  • John, a gentle man. says:

    Whatever became of the Plankton who languished at the bottom of the sexual food chain as described in The Times article back in July ? Did she ever exist, or was she only a ploy to gain sympathy ? Was she perhaps a camouflage, hiding the money grabbing man spinner we now see emerging in your blog ?

    • The Plankton says:

      Call yourself a gentleman? I am begging to differ. Plankton

      • John, a gentle man. says:

        Whether or not I am a gentleman, is up to others to decide, but I would ask, that you re-read your original article, with which I and many others empathised, and compare then, with where you seem to be heading now.

      • The Plankton says:

        Fair enough but I have been writing this blog every single day without fail (except for a 5 day break when I was out of internet range) since 2 July. Grant me a slight shift of circumstances (though I still stick by every word of my original article) and the odd inconsistency! As it happens, there may be a lot of spinning but there is still no man. One who is keen on me, money but no spark, is not for me. Another, I cannot tell if he is keen or not, and I am not so sure myself. A third, I have already married in my mind, but he barely knows I exist. Hardly a richesse, I think you might agree. Plankton

      • John, a gentle man. says:

        As a gentleman, a title to which I aspire, of course I must grant you a slight shift of circumstances, although from ‘invisible in a room’ to a Dervish woman is a tad more than slight. As for the odd inconsistency, only one who is perfect in themselves would have the right to deny you that, so I can not, BUT, you have come out very strongly, that age difference IS important, and that money IS not. So, a request, let your older suitor know this, tell him, but gently please, that your principles, and those of your lady friends on this blog, are important to you. That leaves you with only two plates spinning and a clear conscience, a situation for which I have envy, but no moral problem.

    • kidrock says:

      she wants to have her cake and eat it.

  • Jane says:

    Now just stop this!! in this youth obsessed culture it’s easy to get sucked into the ‘well he could have women half my age’ thought…yep and maybe he could, but sorry, youth doesn’t equal sexiness. If you go round thinking that you will never make the grade because you aren’t 30 with the ‘tits and teeth’ of same, then simply, you never will.
    And BTW the friend the other day that told you that you are gorgeous ‘in your own way’ truly is no friend, she should just say you are gorgeous and the sentence shoud end there

  • Paula says:

    Some men do like their women older, or the same age, so you never know. My bf, lover, call him what you may, is 9 years younger than me, and there is a guy 20 years younger than me who has been asking me out and calling me for 2 years. He knows how old I am and dosn’t care, but, 20 years , for me, is a step too far, even though he is one good lucking guy!

  • MissM says:

    If all PS has to offer to make up for being aged is money, and money is immaterial to you, surely that means he cannot even afford your ‘erotic capital’ at all? In my humble opinion the best person is the one whose company you enjoy the most. In a way the most valuable thing we have is time, since we can never get that back once it is gone, so surely the best person is the one you would most want to spend that precious resource with.

  • anniebub says:

    I just don’t get this thing of feeling so inferior to younger women. You have the edge on them. Anyone worth their salt will love you for every bit of you, and it sounds as if you are no slouch on the looks front in any case. Why do you think a younger woman would be your superior? They are generally full of far more neuroses and issues to do with kids, etc. And inside, if you are like a lot of women of a certain age, round about now you genuinely start to feel like a teenager again, liberated from all the earlier angsts, confident of who you are, really, truly sexy, and reasonably uninhibited. Well at least, a lot of my friends are in this frame of mind. It is a great place to be for a woman,late forties, early fifties, married or single, and we have every possible help at hand to enhance our natural attributes, and fab clothes to wear that genuinely suit our shapes and curves (which men love). I would say on the whole, that men of our age have an awful lot more to deal with. They may not be looking or feeling at their best, and often don’t have the get up and go we seem to have re-discovered. A lot of them are genuinely worn out. They may think they want a little sex-bomb on their arm, but a lot of it is bravado. Most of the time what they would like is a cuddle and a cup of tea with their best friend and lover. And no pressure. You may have to work a bit harder on their behalf to get them interested, but when it finally happens I expect you may find the teenager in them too. Please believe me, younger women are not a problem. They are just there in your mind, confusing the issue.

    • John, a gentle man. says:

      Well said Anniebub, true in every respect, except that, ‘ladies of a certain age’ seem to have selective memory on this topic, and forget the attraction they exerted, and the power they had over men when they were younger. Perhaps it’s a sort of Karma thing.

    • Zorah says:

      I have to agree with annie, and your erotic capital is just beginning to shine (if you want it to). Beauty is only a small part of erotic capital. Most men, older or otherwise, would prefer a woman of their age unless they are looking to leverage a younger woman’s erotic currency themselves. It does work both ways. After doing extensive dating research and writing for several dating sites for high-net-worth folks with only a back head shot and a few poetic phrases, I was able to discern that what men want is allure, mystery, and the ‘idea’ of sex appeal. In person they want energy, vitality, and social grace so they can bring you home for keeps. Age makes little different unless you have given up on taking care of yourself and and feel it is not worth the effort any more. I have several case studies and will be posting video interviews on people in my immediate circle who are involved with men 11-17 years their juniors in long-term monogamous relationship full of vital energy and fertile thought (along with plenty of sex). Don;t be tricked by media capitalizing on the erotic capital of the youthful who are still in the process of building their social, economic and cultural capital!

  • Erin says:

    Dear Ms. P, please consider cutting the cord on LS. Grateful that he blesses you with his time and presence? Has he? Will he? Have you heard from him? He is becoming bigger than life with each passing day and I feel has been blown out of proportion into someone he truly is not. Bottom line – he is not good enough for you. He has not made the slightest attempt (unless you are holding info back) to get together with you. I know he lives a distance away, but if he was interested, that would not stop him from pursuing. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but you are in the forest and the trees, and I am standing outside looking in. I feel like at this point he has become this unreal perfect fantasy man, with a little bad boy and thrill of the chase thrown in, and no one will stand a chance until you get him out of your head. Please forget about him and move on, P. Each day you cling on to the hope of him holds you back from possibly meeting the right one.

    I know you are resisting internet dating and feel like it is a last resort, but please just go on to one of the big sites and browse. You can do that for free. I’m sure there will be a few that will catch your fancy and maybe break you out of this LS box you have locked yourself in. There are single parents on there that will have much in common with you. And that is another point – you need to think about your kids when choosing a potential partner. Would LS be a good fit with your kids? I somehow think not.

    I am sorry, P, but I am starting to think John has a grain of truth in his statement above, I reread your first posts last night as I realized I had not read them all, and am missing the sharp tongued, strong funny lady who started this blog. That woman would never have been grateful to be with an immature flaky commitment phobe who may or may not grace her with a tiny shred of his time. She would have flicked him away like the gnat that he is, written a scathing post about him and moved on to greener pastures. Get your strength back woman and quit settling for less!

  • Caz says:

    Well done for having two possible dates plankton…..however I think it says a lot about your character if you behave differently with the two men. Why aren’t you true to yourself? You need to have the confidence to be the wonderful unique person you are. That is the only way forwards.

  • Patrese says:

    Just echoing and summarising and agreeing with what others have said:
    Erotic capital is not related to age, it is all about, er, ‘chemistry’
    I don’t understand the concept that men prefer women half their age, it’s so difficult to relate to someone who doesn’t have the same ‘history’ (whether it be growing up with The Beatles, or in the Thatcher era, or whatever)
    We are different with everyone we meet, all relationships are a balance, a give and take
    Sometimes you just need to stop thinking, let go, relax, and go with the flow
    PS we’re all routing for you, though what will we do if you find someone wonderful and have nothing to blog about??

    • The Plankton says:

      Dear Patrese, Thank you for this. I am having a really shit day and you have said something nice which has cheered me up. Best wishes, Plankton

      • Patrese says:

        Ditto – you cheered me up by replying!
        PPS it’s not really me in that photo that comes up when I leave a reply’ – it’s just because I once set up a wordpress blog once with the idea of pouring out all my thoughts, but then didn’t have the balls to do so – la di da
        PPS I must change that damned photo..

    • John, a gentle man. says:

      Dear Patrese, the concept that men prefer younger women is very basic in our natures. For millennia, men have been genetically programmed to procreate as much as possible, while, at the same time, women are genetically programmed to need a secure environment to nurture their children. Granted this is changing, but, it will take more than one generation to flush this programming from our systems. Women of ‘a certain age’ will absolutely make better life partners for us,however, just try telling that to our genes.

  • june says:

    Well plankton you have a problem here but do you think either these men for you, you seem to be thinking of just settling, as said that doesent sound like the person who started writing this blog.

    But as for internet dating ,i know you are younger.than me but i really wouldnt bother, as i said before they consist of men who are just on for sex, no-hoper insolvents and weirdos. i despair of ever meeting anyone on them,

    Age of course is a problem , it shouldnt be but it is. My recent date from plenty fish who assured me fact that i was 13 years older made no difference as i looked younger anyway, seemed liked a diferent person when he texted me back saying he wanted “a lover”, i presume he thought me far too old to become his lover! not that i fancied him at all on first meeting, but i would have met him again. To be honest he looked 51, not bad shape but 51, and i, my friends tell me look bout 50, with maybe an even younger figure, so god knows what kind of woman he wanted for his lover, Perhaps he expected me to leap on him there and then or do a Meg Ryan in the bar!. Men sadly always want younger women, i have been told by men in their 50s on websites i am too old for them!,they want women in 40s of course or ev en younger .55 seems to be cut ioff date. for many men of my age even. . Do they think at 55 we suddenly become old and decrepid. I am now thinking to myself it will never happen unless i am prepared to accept someone well over 70 and that i dont want..

    So maybe plankton neither of these men for you, but a word of warning, dont leave it too long unless you are prepared to spend rest of life alone and that has advantages too, although its not for wimps. Sadly women and it p… off to say it, do have a sell by date,sad but true.

  • Chris says:

    Well, on the subject of this age thing. It is a fallacy to claim that normal men do not find women their own age attractive. I am a guy in my 50’s and I tell you, all the women I find hot are in their 50’s too !! Here are 3 older celebs that illustrate that point. The best known is Gloria Estefan….wow!! what a woman. Then there is Sylver Logan Sharp. Don’t know who that is ? Check her out on You Tube, she makes Rhyana sound and look plain in my book. Lastly Claire de la Fuente, the Karen Carpenter of the Philippines. My current girlfriend is 55….and still hot to me, still a size 8/10. She is Malaysian. Now, one thing you may notice, none of these women is caucasian….but that doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a reflection of my oersonal taste. So I really do not think it is quite true to say that men always prefer much younger women

    • june says:

      would say chris you very unusual, most mem do want younger women.

      i liked your comment your girlfriend is a malaysian and 8/10. all older english women are not fat you know.i am a petite6/8 and that doesent make a blind bit difference , im still too old for most men their 50s.

      • Chris says:

        Hi June, I have never understood the fascination for going a lot younger in a partner. Then again I see you say you prefer younger men. Well, I have had a few friends badly burned in relationships with women a fair bit younger than themselves. It seems to bring an unhealthy dynamic to the situation. I work with a real hard man at the moment who is living with a younger woman. And she can do what she wants with him, wrap him round her little finger and get what she likes from him while addressing in a very discursive and disrespectful manner. For me I find there is no shortage of elegant 50 something ladies. If other men my age don’t want them that is their loss. Be careful with your younger men. I have known ladies so desperate to go down that road they went to Turkey in their quest for youth and they really got burned on that gig !!

  • fi says:

    ” I am several years younger than PS, ergo my – dread phrase – erotic capital is higher but he is rich and I am poor, so we are almost equals.” I am confused. If you believe your comparative youthfullness is equal in value to an older man’s money (which is what you seem to be implying as you go on to say that as a result you would feel confident dealing with him as opposed to the other one who could get someone younger than you), why do you complain that some men agree and go for younger women? If you choose not to have an older man, what is wrong with some men making the same choice?

  • fi says:

    ” I am several years younger than PS, ergo my – dread phrase – erotic capital is higher but he is rich and I am poor, so we are almost equals.” I am confused. If you believe your comparative youthfullness is equal in value to an older man’s money (which is what you seem to be implying as you go on to say that as a result you would feel confident dealing with him as opposed to the other one who could get someone younger than you), why do you complain that some men agree and go for younger women? And if you can choose not to have an older man, what is wrong with some men making the same choice?

  • John, a gentle man. says:

    Just seen your reply to Patrese.
    Sorry, didn’t know.
    Big hugs to you from rural Oxfordshire.
    Have a good weekend. xx

  • John, a gentle man. says:

    Dear June, please don’t despair. I have recently been lucky enough to meet a lady of 58 years, not ashamed of it either, who is well on the way to being my ‘significant other’, should she wish it. I also have a lady friend, normal in every way, who went on a world cruise, and fell in love at 64 years of age. The love was mutual, and she is now blissfully married to a gentleman of 82 years. She will be 70 in December.

    • june says:

      sorry john but thats just it, i prefer younger men, i cant help it i do, i just do not fancy older men, ive tried but they turn me off, i find nothing at all attractive about them. I am very young for my age, and have younger friends on the whole, Men of my age and older just wouldnt get me,and i have nothing in common with them. i just feel like im out with my dad, and i had a lovely dad, i dont need another . Sadly also as a single women on a small pension cruises are way out of my price range, so opportunities to meet men are only on dating websites and as ive said these are mostly a total waste time.

      • EmGee says:

        Well we’re all different, my track record shows I like older men, but none of them had me farting through silk!

        Now that I am nearly 49 (in a couple weeks!), the age gap is closing – my last bf was 57 – but not a one of them has been a fuddy duddy, and I have had something in common with them, either love of outdoors, music, and/or art. The commonest denominator seems to be inquisitiveness, and always wanted to learn and experience new things.

        Then again I had a 28 year old interested in me a couple years ago (yikes!), and a philosophy professor who’s 50, keeps lurking about.

      • kidrock says:

        Call me curious but just how old are you June?
        I am 31y/o and the oldest woman i have dated was 51.
        It was certainly interesting to say the least.

  • Lydia says:

    Lots of men have said to me they want someone about their own age not younger as the younger ones pretend they don’t want babies and then change thei r mind. One man said he’d had 4 first dates with women in their 30s all of whom had said before they did not want children and at the first dinner every single one was saying otherwise. Of course some people, male and female, are happy to have a second family but that’s a different issue.

    Of course there is a scale. No one wants planktons and most men or women want a partner who has a lot of good attributes, pretty, clever, interesting etc. So a trade off with an older man is he might find a less attractive woman good for him and like the fact she’s younger. However I don’t think it’s as stark as presented and plenty of men in their 50s don’t want a 20 something.

  • Caz says:

    We women only have a sell-by-date if we give ourselves one! I certainly haven’t and never, ever will…..nor has my mother….and she is 81 tomorrow and still attracting men.

  • Oxonian says:

    I would add my voice to those opposing age-related defeatism here. I would say women in their 40s and 50s tend to have the edge on their younger counterparts in terms of personality, and there are men for whom personality = sexiness. They may not include LS, who sounds like he may fall on the wrong side of the cool/kind dichotomy you outlined in an earlier post.

    Must also express my admiration and appreciation of your productivity as a blogger, by the way. It can’t be easy, but you’ve been consistently interesting and distinctive.

  • EmGee says:

    I get where you are coming from when you speak of erotic capital. It may or may not be true (I doubt you are ‘poor’, just perhaps not wealthy, yes?), but it is how you feel inside that colors your perceptions, which dictate how you will act.

    Well, the first step is recognizing you have a problem 😉 Since you see it and have verbalized it, perhaps it won’t be a self fulfilling prophecy after all.

    Enjoy your dates, and come back with all the juicy details (that’s fit to print!). Remember, some of us are living vicariously through you. Or is that precariously?

  • Geoffrey says:

    Firstly Plankton, congratulations on continuing to approve comments which give you a hard time. It is a courageous thing to do and it is what makes the blog interesting.

    Secondly, I agree with many of the comments above but want to put it in a slightly different way. I don’t think second time around at 47 one should necessary judge the opposite sex the same way as one did at 25. The choice between LS and PS seems a false one to me. I reckon neither are perfect. One needs to judge a potential mate on 3 criteria – the erotic, the romantic and the familial. Will they excite you in bed, will they care for you outside of bed, and will they fit in your family and social circle? It sounds to me that neither LS nor PS tick those three boxes. Rather than go to dinner parties and hope to meet someone who will make your stomach flip, I think you need to get to know someone gently over a period of months and see if they start to tick those boxes. Perspective is everything. Maybe that 70 year old with the 6 girlfriends knows a thing or two!

    • The Plankton says:

      Dear Geoffrey, Thank you re my approving some of the less complimentary comments. I don’t believe in censorship, though at times I do feel like censoring them! I don’t because of the principle, though some of them are pretty rough. The really nasty ones, I do trash, but I try to keep that to an absolute minimum; primarily the complete psycho nutters, the ones who go in for being offensive for the sport of it and are sadder losers than I will ever be, even though I am a plankton – indeed, the original Plankton! Thanks again for your thoughtful comment; I have taken on board the second part of it too. Best wishes, Plankton

    • Lydia says:

      If people were overly censored they would not post and it would be rather dull.

      On these critier”the erotic, the romantic and the familial. Will they excite you in bed, will they care for you outside of bed, and will they fit in your family and social circle” – that hits the nail on the head. I look for (a) sexual compatibility which isn’t always easy to match but very important (b) someone I find attractive which is not only looks but personality, brains, wit etc and (c) will they fit into my life and family particularly as I have children living at home. It can indeed be hard to match all 3 but it’s not impossible.

  • Caz says:

    I agree with perspective….stomach flipping really isn’t everything. A man can grow on you (and I’m sure vv is true!). Interesting comments from Geoffrey about his 3 criteria – and to hear about how you approve your comments plankton. The wide diversity of opinions from both sexes is what makes this blog so interesting……..

  • MissBates says:

    Sleep well, Plankton. Hope it gets better tomorrow.

  • Margaux says:

    Ahhh Plankton – like many, I too have been glued to your blog since I first read about it in the press. I am sorry to hear you are down in the dumps. (The change in the weather doesn’t help!) Your honesty here touches many chords in all of us and my day isn’t complete without catching up with you. I, too, am impressed by your lack of censorship (apart from the psychos who deserve it ) )So please don’t be disheartened by the cybernutters – there will always be trolls lurking out there who are just sadly inadequate.

    I have mulled over the whole age thing myself from time to time – here’s what I do know. When I was in my early 20s I was pursued by much older men. Boys my age just weren’t interested. ‘Dallied’ with one (40s), went out with a second one (39), then moved onto and lived with a third (43) .Learned a lot from all of them. But guess what!- after the novelty and kudos of having an obviously younger gf had worn off – they each in turn got bored with me. No cultural references, no common interests. And I had no understanding of their mid life angst…While having a 20 something hanging off their arms had been good for their egos, each ended up with women the same as – or closer to- their own ages.

    Anyway, enough about me – as for you, my overriding feeling is – don’t settle. You can’t manufacture these things – so don’t try and shoehorn Poppyseed into being a fit just because he may be a prospect. Trust your gut instinct! It sounds like LS is a bit of a player – stick him in the pending tray for now and free up your radar for someone else to register on it. It will be a relief – trust me!

    All the best! M

    • The Plankton says:

      Thanks so much Margaux. Trolls! That was the word which escaped me yesterday when I was writing about approving comments. Thank you. I trashed one only this morning, and couldn’t remember the proper name for them. You are so right about the men with younger women. I know one who left his wife, started seeing a bevy of 25 year olds (he was early 50s); then it went down to 35ish but he found them too into starving themselves and obsessing about their bodies being temples and thinking about fuck all else; and now he is with someone his own age. It took a few years, but he woke up in the end. Best wishes, Plankton

  • plumgrape says:

    Sorry, I don’t understand this blog post: “we are almost equals”? In God’s eyes? I dont get it! Do you mean sex = ownership and now you own people, is that it?
    Speaking as a scientist and physicist I would call immaterial anti-matter as for example a positron or anti-electron or an anti-particle. Nothing about money is immaterial or anti-matter. It is all very much material, like us hydro-carbon human beings, carbon, copper, other metel alloys, paper, silver or gold, even if you do feel like papering your wall with it sometimes or lighting a cigar, keeping it in a glass jar or secreting it away in what you think is a safe place perhaps even like a bank! It will buy you food and clothing unless you might prefer to go naked like a cave woman on the streets of London, or you could give it all away then to the needy and follow Christ He says! Could you do that if it is immaterial in Britain in cold winters when you might need some fuel for cooking or heating? Or does the alimony pay for all that and the old adage: “Easy Come Easy Go” apply? I’m not sure.
    “LS is my age or thereabouts and therefore I feel his inferior because in any engagement with him, he is the one doing me a favour ” Please explain. I do not understand Is this not just Quid Pro Quo? Is PS worth your while or not? What are the terms and Conditions? Is PS fun, is he interesting, is he good company or will he love you to the bottom of his heart and tell you so? Or are you just looking for favors and you “behave differently with the two men”, why? Because above all you are to your ownself true? I just don’t understand. Please explain “Life”!

    • Lydia says:

      If a man is your own age no one is doing each other a favour. If a man is really good looking and the woman isn’t then he might be. I think anyone who has me is terribly lucky to have me. I don’t feel I should be grateful to any man who deigns to consort with me.

      I agree that money matters a bit but I have never lived off male earnings and indeed paid my husband quite a bit on our divorce. It is material if the other person has nothing though whatever their gender as that has implications for the future relationship.

  • Jo says:

    June.I’m sorry you had a hard time on plenty of fish,or other sites you have been on in search of your younger man..
    But PLEASE stop generalising about the internet.That has been your experience,but it is yours.I know plenty of others-former planktons- who have had great experiences on them and are happily with someone their own age and not just ‘settled’ with just anyone.Myself included.
    Generalisation is grim and misleading and not fair to others who may be thinking of trying it.

  • Zorah says:

    Ok- try OK Cupid …. be witty and cool, mysterious and alluring and you will attract what you put out. Do not be cheesy or unimaginative unless that is the type of guy you want. And for goodness sake be honest and put a recent photo even if it is of your backside. Having some guts is attractiveif you like curious, interested and therefor interesting humans. Having fun is a choice- choose it! Try, get a professional photo shoot to boost your confidence and ego (believe me it is always better in person when you add a spike of energy and vitality to the mix). There are tons of them and plenty of fabulous guys out there… if there is a doubt in your mind, move on (that is your intuition speaking-so listen). Dating sites are for shopping. Don’t tell me you are the type who buys shoes that are a size too small!?! Apply that to your relationship search… and get the one that fits. It is in there I am sure of it.

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