October 9, 2011 § 24 Comments
The date with PS was fine, only alas still no spark. He is kind and friendly and I tried and tried to fancy him, I really did. I kept saying to myself that surely it’s better to be with someone who’s already convinced than to try to be with someone who is far from it and needs convincing, which is the case with LS and could be soul-destroying. Throughout my few hours with PS, I kept trying to force it, the fancying, because he is so nice and companionable and keen, but it just wouldn’t come. I said to myself, maybe it doesn’t matter, just go along with it and see. But still it would not happen. Nothing doing. I tried a second time. I failed. I don’t think a third time would be fair on him. Disrespectful and unkind. So I am going to have to think of something to say, honest but kind, not sure what yet, not very good at this (so little practice). But that has to be the end of the matter, or all the unkinder I will be, and I couldn’t live with that. (Though, if according to my tactless friend in Men With So Many Women he is seeing a whole chain of women as every other man under the sun appears to be, perhaps I needn’t worry overly much about his feelings, but I honestly don’t think he is? Who knows? And it is my nature to worry about other people’s feelings. Well, most of the time.)
Smidgen texted out of the blue yesterday as I knew he might. My Times column (posted here last Tuesday) said that I feel a certain ambivalence on this score now, but on reflection, perhaps it has legs as a slow burner. There is a great deal to be said for Smidgen. I like him. Very funny and easy-going. My generation (which I realise now is a serious bonus); a couple of years younger, even, kaboom! Local (the convenience is not to be sniffed at). Not a flagrant multi-shagger, as far as I know (there again, what does one ever know?); hard-working; down-to-earth. Funny. I said that. Sometimes very funny. Etc.
Meanwhile, the pretext for contacting LS has materialised and there is quite a serious prospect of seeing him soon in a wonderful, adventurous, way-out-of-my-comfort-zone context. I may not be able to pull it off but the miraculous, gorgeous, adorable, thoughtful, couldn’t-do-without-her Janey and another (male) friend who several months ago singled him out as the man for me, are with me on a mission to make him see the light of my perfection – not per se, I’m not quite that boastful – but perfection for him. Should know in a few days and will, natch, pass on the news, good or bad.
Meanwhile, you may or may not – depending on whether you are a supporter or troll – be relieved to hear, I have put the bread knife away. For another day. Joke!