That Is The Man I Am Going to Marry

October 13, 2011 § 32 Comments

You hear these stories, don’t you, about women who spot a man somewhere and just know that he is the one they are going to marry.

I don’t know if this has ever happened to a plankton in the history of the world – they probably think it, and then the fantasy doesn’t turn into reality for them.  I guess only younger women manage to pull it off, but I may be wrong.  Either way, I am intrigued. How the fuck do these women, young or otherwise, make it happen?

It happened to a friend of mine (she was not a plankton).  She saw a charismatic figure on stage and thought, that is the man for me.  Totally out of character, she tracked him down, rang him and miraculously he turned out to be neither married nor gay nor clinically insane.  Even better, he was attracted to her (not hard; she is lovely).  They did get married and are still together today.

How can I achieve that same truly astonishing feat?

I am of the opinion that Long Shot is the man I would like to marry.  I have only met him once but everything – well, perhaps not quite everything – about him fits in with my ideal kind of man.  OK, OK, so it’s dangerous to have an ideal but I’m bored by that wisdom.  No crime in ideals as long as we don’t imagine too seriously that we’ll ever land one. I do have an ideal and it is this: someone I fancy (and who fancies me, with any bloody luck); someone, vitally, who would at least roughly “get”  me and my family and friends (the interests, humour, jokes, the outlook, the way of life) and not feel uncomfortable in our midst, either superior to, or out of their depth with them (not entirely sure PS and Smidgen fit this bill, PS definitely not, though Smidgen most probably would); someone who wouldn’t feel I let them down or couldn’t fit into their life, family etc but in fact felt I would be an asset to it; someone who wanted to be with me but also cherished his solitude and valued mine; someone who would be prepared to be open-minded about at least becoming fond of my children. Oh, I am probably going way overboard on all this ideal business.  All that and more in one person!  And what’s more, one that’s attracted to me?  Plankton, you are asking the fucking earth.

LS is completely fascinating himself and leads a life I find fascinating – probably in some weirdy fucking Freudian way because he is SO like my father in SO many respects (background; character; education; way of life; even – very distantly, I may say – related to him, for God’s sake).  Please don’t give me a hard time about this; I’m not the first woman to like a man because he reminds her of her dad!  Of course he has his short-comings (also very similar to my dad’s) which may not be entirely suited to the state of matrimony, but, hey, what man doesn’t?  Word is out that LS is on the lookout for a wife, which is promising.  And whatever anyone says, I am a firm believer that leopards are entirely capable of changing their spots (I am on a mission to debunk the knee-jerk cliche – where on this fricking keyboard is a French acute accent, btw, anyone? – that they can’t change them).  I own that it is quite rare, but a couple of my greatest friends have changed their spots so dramatically – for the better – transformed characters, both – that no one can ever pull that indelible spotted wool over my eyes).

Anyway, fucking fool me, I have decided LS is completely perfect for me, even though I am resisting actually drawing up a guest list and even though I am going on a date with Smidgen (who is in the country at least and what is more in contact with me, neither of which can be said for LS).

And long may I labour under that illusion.  It passes the time of day agreeably.

Don’t anyone give me that it’s better than no bloody illusion whatsoever.  How effing boring is that?

§ 32 Responses to That Is The Man I Am Going to Marry

  • Sarah says:

    When I was 24 I went to France to my French penfriend’s wedding. I came home and said to my mother that I’d met the man I was going to marry. And I did. That’s why I came to France, to be with him. He was luckily of the same opinion.

    We were together 20 odd years and are no longer so, and I’ve gone off marriage somewhat, but I’m now with the man I would marry if we wanted to do the deed. This time it was him, he looked at me and decided I was The One. I was a plankton at the time.

    So, LS may well be the one for you, and as you’re pretty convinced about this and have lots of things going for you both, the chances are that you’ll get together.

    Fingers crossed I say!

  • John says:

    Ms P, Before I comment on your blog I have to admit to having had a 22 year career in newspapers. I went thru the editorial side for a while but found my niche in management. During that time I had the fortune to meet, and go out with, an assortment of female reporters, women’s page editors etc. I married none of the above. Please warn your favoured man that marrying a journalist, however beautiful she may be, he will be marrying the job as well. Journalists are 24/7 “on the job” even subconsciously. Having said that I am sure you will make a magic partner and cease to be a plankter in the ever increasing pool of planktons. Good luck Long Shot – your gonna need it.

  • Oxonian says:

    You’ve met LS just once but you know he’s perfect for you – if only you can change him just a teeny weeny bit. And to hell with conventional wisdom that might suggest this is all a bit idealistic or premature.

    I can see how the emotional roller coaster might be appealing at this stage, but you must realise there is a fair chance of disappointment, which will be all the more painful if you remain fixated on this. Better bored than depressed.

    I’m not saying don’t pursue LS. It’s just that you’re taking an unnecessary emotional risk. And while wisdom and scepticism may be boring they are important weapons in the arsenal of those of us whose seductive efforts are impeded by some superficial physical characteristic (I speak as a man of below average height).

  • anniebub says:

    Oh goody. This is a bit more like it. I am absolutely convinced you have to take fate into your own hands a little. After all, you have identified your ideal man, however far-off he may seem presently, so now you have to convert him into a reality. I truly believe it is up to us to shape our destinies, and not some far off distant “gods” whom we can blame everything on when things don’t turn out right. A dear friend of mine met her man on the night of my husband’s stag party. She was at a hen party on the opposite side of the room. She spotted him, managed to engage him in conversation later on, got his first name, what he was doing (training to be a shipwright), and where he was working, St. Katherine’s Dock in London, and then lost him for the rest of the evening. She went home to her mother and told her she had met the man she wanted to marry. Her mother said, if she was serious, she should go and find him. So she did. She set off to St. Katherine’s dock, without knowing where she might run into him, but thought the pub would be a good start, and sure enough, everyone knew who he was, and directed her to his barge. Where she found him, and several months, and a few continents later, they became engaged, and over twenty five years, and four children later, are still blissfully in love. So, it can happen! I have been saying all along you need to get a bit more pro-active, take a risk, put yourself in a position where you are likely to meet, and then….. you can start to talk about fate, etc. Fingers crossed, but I think the light has been switched on in your head now.

  • Jamie says:

    Plamkton – your reward for taking the time to write this is that you will attract male readers keen to solve your IT problems.

    To get an accent on cliche – do you have access to Word 2010 to write your blog posts? If so, type cliche and press Return and an accent will magically appear. Alternatively a translate function may suffice.

    • The Plankton says:

      Thanks Jamie, that’s really helpful. I will try it tomorrow, when I write my next post, and be sure to use the word cliche or attache or touche or enchante! But if I don’t work one in tomorrow, I soon will, so am v grateful, that’s very kind of you. Best, P

      • Jamie says:

        Great – the challenge will be to include all four! Whilst I am on a roll, does your blog software allow you to tag key words? If you can, then you could tag each of your amours as and when mentioned and then your poor long suffering readership could track the story of each back through the posts.

      • The Plankton says:

        My “poor long suffering readership”: it is voluntary you know! If you can’t take the heat, and all that… Best wishes, Plankton x

  • Josephine says:

    The first time I met my husband I knew he was the man for me, met him through a work collegue, he was actually doing a property deal with her, & didnt take much notice of me, I think she actually fancied him herself, but after that I stayed friendly with her just to find out about him, It took me just one year later to hook him, I knew from my friend that he was splitting up with his then fiancee, I had other boyfriends throughout that year but I was like you with LS, I was just filling in time, I knew who I wanted, so the next time we met that was it we were togeter for 20yrs before he died, no regrets , just hoping I can be lucky second time around, follow your dream, live is to short to settle for second best

  • submodal says:

    Effing boring you might think, but I have lots of other things in my life. and really can’t be arsed to chase a will ‘o the wisp idealise bloke that doesn’t exist. They (men that are on the market) are only after the younger than them/more attractive than them/richer than them women. It does something for their egos. The men who want clever, independent women with a bit of feisty, are all taken, and hung onto for dear life. Those women who have a good catch keep them, its the wrong ‘uns that get chucked back. I don’t want to waste any more of my life on searching for a man, who just wants someone to shag, wash his socks and remember his mother’s birthday. Life is just too short, and too much fun to drain my energy stroking male egos


    • Man Fifty says:

      No doubt your rather sweeping generalisation regarding single men is based upon personal experience, in which case you’ve been rather unfortunate in the men that you’ve encountered. However, I contend that your characterisation of single men is about as wrong as this blog’s assertion that all mid-life single women are plankton.

    • Lydia says:

      That might be why I don’t do so badly because I do tend to be more attractive than men (aren’t most women?) and I earn a fair bit. I never thought they might prefer me for my money but I suppose so many men are sucked financially dry by women it’s a refreshing change to date one who is materially successful.

      Not to planktons – ensure you earn several hundred thousand a year and more men may be interesting are we saying?

      • EmGee says:

        “More men may be interested”, you mean?

        Yes to that, and the opportunities to not only meet more interesting men, but broaden your horizons, widens considerably as well.

        It all adds to the pot.

  • EmGee says:

    Re: accented characters. If you have the great fortune of using a Mac, accenting the odd character now and then is easy, just open the character palette in the menubar and select what you want and click ‘insert’.
    If the icon is not there, open system prefs, select Keyboard, tick box: “Show Keyboard & Character Viewer in menu bar”

    Hurray! Looks like we are in for some excellent spinning! You open the wine & I’ll get the popcorn!

  • MissBates says:

    Well, is IS lovely to have a specific person to daydream about in spare moments, isn’t it? There is no one in my orbit at the moment about whom I want to think twice, much less feature them in a rose-tinged reverie. I find it dis-spiriting that I can’t even find someone to have a decent CRUSH on, so if LongShot fulfills that role for you, great. But still wear something pretty (men ilke “pretty” better than “chic,” I think) and mascara to have that next cup of coffee with Smidgen.

  • Leftatforty says:

    P is right. You can only have that type of love when you are young and with an undamaged heart. I too married Love-at-First-Sight-The One, only to loose him twenty years later to the hands of Mid-Life Crisis. I will never marry Another One. I am a committed Plankton.

  • Margaux says:

    Yes, as anniebub says – you need to get proactive! To be honest, for all the chasing men appear to do of women, I don’t know any woman who hasn’t engineered, stalked, schemed, plotted and pursued the man she has set her sights on. (I include myself!) No point in sitting, waiting , dreaming – you could wait forever.

    I do believe when someone walks into your life who rocks your world it can knock you for six. A veritable coup de foudre. It’s happened to me before and I haven’t lost hope that it can happen again. That’s why I believe you can’t manufacture these things – and that’s why I believe it’s worth holding out for.

    C’mon Plankton – be brave ! Faint heart and all that…

  • june says:

    Im a bit with submodel here plankton, what she says i feel the same, the decent men are taken and all the rest just want younger women, sex or someone they can move in with as no proper home or income. And i cant be arsed with that.

    Interesting what you said bout wanting someone like your dad, my dad was bald and stocky. now i never go for men like that, i like men with hair and of slim,fit build, although he had bright blue eyes my dad and i do find that attractive. But i have always looked for men like my dad, in his ways, kind,. generous,easy going, supportive and who loved me warts and all and didnt want to change me. In fact thing ive looked for him all my life, never found him, thats why im alone. My dad was a star, i adored him, so maybe subconsiously ive always felt ive never met anyone who measures up,hence my plankon status. And i am pretty sure i will never meet a man who remotely resembles him on a bloody internet dating site!.

  • Bambi says:

    Press the “Alt Gr” button on your keyboard at the same time as any vowel and you will get an accent…áéíóú…

    Éasy péasy!

    • EmGee says:

      Oh my! Thanks Bambi!

    • t lover says:

      Tried it, doesn’t work. Still got a Yorkshire accent.

      • EmGee says:

        I hit alt + a = å. But it probably requires a Mac, I am not sure.

      • Bambi says:

        T Lover, nothing wrong with a Yorkshire accent, but if you need the old French now and again, here is an alternative – this won’t work here in this blog – just in a Word document. (I am a dinosaur, still (happily) using Word 2003).
        Click “Insert” on the toolbar.
        Then “Symbol”. A separate window opens up.
        Scoll through till you find the letter showing the accent you want, click on it, then click “insert”
        Bingó! 🙂

      • Troll Lover says:

        Eh oop Bambi,

        Sorry, it was a Troll’s second rate attempt at a ha ha.

        By the way, who is the Old French? What is she?

        Don’t you know Trolls prefer Young(er) French? Women say so – voila it must be right.

      • Bambi says:

        Eh oop, what’s this name change thing, Troll Lover (aka t lover…).

        That’s all right, lad, I had got the humour bit re the Yorkshire accent (even laughed aloud – very clever), but thought maybe the “alt gr” thing hadn’t actually worked…

        Good to see that we wimin have finally convinced you of the accuracy and vearcity of all our statements…. You will go far…. 🙂

        PS. Voilà, even…..? Though perhaps your spelling was New Young French…key say…(or qui sait as they might have said in previous times….)

  • maria says:

    Submodal, I totally agree with you.

  • fi0na says:

    This reads like an entry from my diary at 14. It is gushing I am torn between being astonished at your Naïveté and really impressed at your tireless romanticism freshness and willingness to love again.

  • Dawn says:

    I find myself in the same situation as Miss Bates. Can’t even find a decent crush these days. And am somewhat in agreement with Submodal. Certainly, the majority of me locally seem to fit her description.

    Not that I sit home pining. I’m quite happily busy. But a bit of meaningful slap and tickle would be a nice addition.

  • DAN says:

    I think plankton definetly at this stage its the challenge you are after !

    Not unlike the ” taming of the shrew ” !

    But in the opposite character, female to male !

    Anything else just won’t seem to do !

    Have fun , but i can see a lot of anguish befalling you in the path you are taking.

    You cant fuck with so many peoples lives and expect to get away with it without something, if not all of them comming back to nip you in the bud, and ending right back where you started .

    Dare i say it, just another plankton !

    But thats only my opinion .


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