October 16, 2011 § 1 Comment
I can’t say I entirely succeeded yesterday, although almost.
It was a busy day and the only time my mind turned to men was when the heavenly, supportive BF sent me an email in the evening saying he promised to let me know the instant he heard back from LS.
BF has now sent LS two emails, the second with a golden invitation to stay with him and his family – and me, though BF didn’t say that – at a certain point over the Christmas holidays. He has had no response to either which makes me think THANK GOD I didn’t contact LS myself. I know he only has sporadic access to the internet but, I also know myself. Had I emailed him, when he then didn’t reply to me, it would have made me feel absolutely wretched – a combination of disappointment, humiliation and rejection. As it is, he is not responding even to BF, whom he likes very much and relies upon to some extent and with whom there is no agenda, which must mean he’s not responding to anyone – probably for the simple reason he hasn’t been able to check his emails. But had I contacted him, I wouldn’t have known that or been confident enough to reason that. It would have felt all bad.
So the thought I had yesterday about men – and one in particular – was, Phew. BF and Janey are working miraculously on my behalf but I myself still haven’t put a foot wrong or burned my boats.
Consolation indeed, and a certain amount still to look forward to with any luck, and with a certain amount still to play for.