Book Club

October 22, 2011 § 41 Comments

The other night at book club six girlfriends and I laughed a lot and just about remembered to discuss the book.  I was telling them all about my useless twinkles and unforthcoming dates.

One of the good friends laughed so much, she said, “Please don’t ever get a man or we won’t have any more of your hilarious dating stories.”

I took it in the nicest possible way because that was how she meant it, and thought, you know what, I may rather miss them myself.  But not really.


§ 41 Responses to Book Club

  • Rory from Dublin says:

    Are any of those six girlfriends single and planning a visit to Dublin at any time?.

  • Elle says:

    Rory I’m single and in Dublin all the time! There are hundreds of women like me in Dublin so what’s wrong with us?

    Plankton and her friends are all very welcome to visit here but it would be like bringing water to an ocean. Dublin is full of single women of all ages who can’t meet men – I know 25 year old girls who are panicking because they can’t find anyone!

  • Chris says:

    Hey, I tell you what, lets leave the comfort zone for the moment. You plankton ladies can’t get dates, can’t get meaningful long term relationships, why ? Hey my girlfriend gets all my attention. Then again when we go out she is dolled up to the nines. Short skirt, high heels and low cut top. Believe me, with her I don’t feel the need to look at other women. Oh, and she is 55 by the way, but in great shape. I am 58. So as an older woman she had no problem pulling and keeping a guy, and a very happy guy at that. Thing is of course she is not conforming to the older woman middle class dress code. But when did that code ever help anyone except for gaining the approval of your peers. And their approval ain’t gonna help you land the man you want. Nowadays people are always 50 is the new 40 or 35 or something blah blah blah, so maybe it is time to step out of the comfort zone. Just a thought !!

    • fi says:

      Oh dear. We STILL have to get our breasts out? Even though 40 percent of men over 40 have erection problems?

      • Chris says:

        Well, no you don’t HAVE to do anything. Just put another perspective. My view on life is you do whatever it takes to get what you want, otherwise why bother ? As for what you have to do here’s another perspective. If a woman like Demi Moore can’t hang on to her hot guy what hope is there for the rest of womankind ? As for disparaging men over 40, that’s OK, we’re used to it but such a negative approach will never solve the Plankton conumdrum !!

      • Man Fifty says:

        Fi, although Chris may have exaggerated his point for dramatic effect, there is some validity to what he says. How a woman dresses is just one of many potential weapons in her armoury as far as attracting a man is concerned. Of course, just as in cooking, good presentation needs to be backed up by good content. Similarly, no matter how good the inner content may be, one may be reluctant to sample the dish if the initial presentation is uninviting.

      • Erin says:

        LOL – good one Fi! I’m sorry Chris, there is nothing more pathetic than an over 50 woman wearing a short skirt, high heels and low cut top. Think Rose on Keeping Up Appearances.

    • EmGee says:

      I know men who would be appalled if they were seen in the company of a woman like you describe, she sounds like something I’ve seen loitering on Hollywood Blvd. There are men who are attracted to the demure – and that doesn’t mean shabby or frumpy.

      You see, that is the point, it isn’t that we can’t meet men necessarily, but it’s finding one who’s right for each of us and vice versa. If I saw you for instance, I cross the street and avoid eye contact.

    • Lydia says:

      Loiok it’s really simple and I’ve often said it on these pages. If you want a man a key component is high heels and stockings and if you were lucky enough to be born with my 32DD chest that does no harm either. Never mind my salary, position, assets and I hope nice personality you have to start somewhere with sexual attraction. It’s not a sexist point either. My wonderful who has no hair and weighs 30 stone is not likely to get my attention either.

      I didn’t even know there was a middle aged dress code until Chris told us. Is this the difference then between the plantons and those of us who genuinely think in your late 40s with chidlren you can get a man? I went out 5 minutes ago just to the shop. I always wear my knee high high heeled boots and I kept on the short skirt I wear all day as I had my coat over it not that I was trying to get a man in the local supermarket but the general principle holds. We are talking here about these plankton getting a sexual relationship with a man, albeit a loving one. In order to achieve that you need to be sexually attractive.

      It’s not hard to get male attention. Obviously you pick them carefully because you want one you can talk to and like not just one who happens to like your breasts but no harm in using the breasts on the route to gaining the man.

      I suspect if plankton and I were compared visually she woudl be prettier and better dressed than I am though so this may not be the key to it at a ll – may be the only key is that I’m happy and like men and enjoy them and think I look good and feel sexy (even if I don’t).

      • Chris says:

        Brilliant, at last women who ‘ get it ‘ !! You are right, there should be no dress code. But….just got back from a night out with the girlfriend and boy did she not get some VERY sniffy looks from Plankton types. Mind you, the skirt was ultra short. As for the lady who said she would cross the road if she saw me…..fine by me, I’m happily in love !!!

      • EmGee says:

        Chris, thank you for validating my point about people finding the right person. And conceding that we don’t have to dress like tarts to if we want to attract a man, unless it is a man with your tastes we are looking for.

      • Troll Lover. says:

        Holey frontloaders, Batman. Lydia was born with a 36 DD chest.

        Yes, it was a difficult labour, Robin, and you should have seen the look on the midwife’s face.

      • Lydia says:

        Glad you had a good evening, Chris. It doesn’t matter what other women think of her if you like how she dresses. It would be a boring world if everyone were the same

    • june says:

      Chris i am older than your girlfriend and i certainly dont confirm to the middle class, middle aged women dress code, i wear short skirts albeit with leggings or opaque tights,skinny jeans etc. my clothes come from top shop,oasis and warehouse rather than country casuals or windsmoor, and my hair is dyed mahognany, and my toenails are dark red but do i get men,no not a bloody chance. I sometimes think its because i dress so young thats why. You must be a very unusual man, a 58 year old who wants someone his own age, especially one who dresses youthfully, it doesent happen in my city. I had a guy from far away contact me today online and he said men in your city must be mad if they dont want to out with you, you look great, i thanked him but said i think they preferred frumps who looked their age more. Im obviously living in wrong place, but it is a nice city to live in,if only the men were more cosmopolitan.

      • Chris says:

        June from your description I honestly cannot understand why you are unable to find a very personable man. I am sure I am not the only reasonably up together man who is attracted to women his own age. Why on the earth the men in your city prefer frumps is beyond me. Then again attraction is a weird thing. I have known very attractive women who found it hard to get men and highly overweight ladies who managed to land one man after another. Human nature is inexplicable. Good luck !!!

      • Man Fifty says:

        June, you contend that mid-life men in the city in which you live seem to prefer women who dress in a particularly classic style. If that is indeed the case, which may be debatable, have you considered adapting your presentational style to meet the prevailing market conditions? You never know, that might well prove be a more constructive, positive and ultimately successful approach to finding a man.

      • fi says:

        June – I’m going to be blunt here but I’m doing this for your own good. You have to stop complaining . You sound as though you look attractive- you’re youthful and you look after yourself. I think your problem is that you’re giving out a negative vibe. I understand how disillusioned you are and why, but even if you feel like that you have to hide it as people don’t want to spend time with negative folk. And even here from your description of your online chat, you complained to a bloke. Lie about your age if you think that’s the problem – you say you look much younger and its only to get you started if someone likes you they aren’t going to mind you’re a few years older than you say you are if you explain why you did it – and don’t let yourself complain. I worked with a woman who was forever moaning about her job. She didn’t like it and I had sympathy with her. Did I want to sit with her in the cafe though? Er no. I hid when I saw her coming. Sorry if I sound unsympathetic but I think being honest will help more than telling you you’re right and agreeing with you. Best etc etc

      • Lydia says:

        Of course it must be the negative vibe. There are very few men on the planet who don’t want a woman to look sexy and if the man isn’t interested in sex then I’m not interested in his anyway. I want his brain most of all but if he’s very clever but uninterested in sex then he go elsewhere. it’s not just clothes though. It is meeting people in the right contexts and how you come over to people.

        I think you need to go to places men who might be single might be and go on more dates, internet date etc Just do more of it. Move cities. I am in London which I think is one of the best places on earth. There are all sorts of men for all sorts of women here. It is the centre of the world.

    • Redbookish says:

      If at 55 she’s an “older woman,” at 58 you’re *very* much an older man.

    • Jo says:

      Chris. How fucking patronising! It really isn’t low tops, high heels etc versus tweed? How dare you presume to know what we planktons – attractive at that – are wearing? How dare you generalise that we others are ‘conforming to the older woman middle class dress code?’ Preventing us therefore from ‘pulling and keeping a guy’.
      Bloody hell.

      • EmGee says:

        On the other hand Jo, kinda makes you glad his girlfriend gets all of his attention doesn’t it.

        But once again, let me reiterate, ‘to each his/her own’.

        Along with things like driving a camaro and listening to trance and hip-hop music, there are signals which show that certain types of men aren’t worth my pursuing, no matter how sweet and wonderful they may be – we simply would not get along.

  • Margaux says:

    Ah – didn’t Plankton address the whole issue of erotic capital?

    Chris – yes, it is very easy to get oneself up in ‘obvious’ attire if you want to be hit on by all and sundry – haven’t the ladies of the night always known this!;-) but there’s a difference between getting it all out for the easy pull and seeking something with a bit more substance.

    Any one of us could go out with skirts up to our armpits and shake our booties for the lads and get attention. But – translating that into something more than ‘I’m up for it’ is a little harder …and there are some men who don’t like their women putting it all in the shop window for everyone!

    On the other hand I concede that attraction is where it all starts. We are repeatedly told that men respond to obvious visual stimuli, so maybe it is all down to how low you wear your tops …

    What is the middle class older woman dress code btw?
    I’d love to know! lol!

    • Chris says:

      If a 10 year solid relationship ain’t substance I would like to know what is. I think your remark about skirts up to armpits at least shows that ain’t part of the middle class older women dress code. Shame, guess it would brighten a few guys day if it was. With the proviso the lady was in shape of course. And another thing. I wish women would stare and stare and sneer so pointedly at ladies whose dress they do not approve of. It is rather crass and rude. All I did was put forward an alternative perspective on attracting a man. Boy, what a can of worms I opened ! I would never dream of suggesting that this was the way to go for all,we all have free will and decide what we’re prpared to do to get what we want.

      • Margaix says:

        Chris – there’s a big difference between your lady friend going out on your arm with her very short skirt and low cut top and doing it as a single woman. I am sure you will appreciate that.

        On your own you just look like you are an easy pick up and not too choosy who does it. Interestingly, one long term guy I went out with didn’t like ‘obvious’ clothes at all if we were out together and got upset once when he thought my skirt was too short. He didn’t like the idea of the unwanted comments it would invite.

        I don’t know who these women are that sneer and point – as you say- it’s very rude behaviour. I’ve never come across that, but I have seen men making rude and crass remarks about women they think look ‘obvious’. So, believe me – we have to tread a fine line here in trying to gauge what looks sexy/attractive and what looks like a general come on

        Ok – you may not have been suggesting anything -if so – I don’t quite get the point you are making?

        Still wondering what the middle class older woman dress code is? Never come across such a thing …

        (For the record you wont find any tweeds or baggy clothes in my wardrobe if that is what I think you mean – but you won’t find a pussy pelmet either! 😉 Lets just say I kept the hotter stuff for behind closed doors…! 🙂

  • drchick says:

    Hi Plankton,

    I’ve been reading your blog for a bit and have been listening to your ‘twinkles’. You know it’s a disease… Boys that send out mixed messages. Boys that make you feel wonderful with words but then actions show something so different. You often ask should one be proactive? I for one never subscribe to rules and live my heart on my sleeve kind of attitude… But then when one gets burned abd without explanation… Perhaps I do have it wrong. I just don’t know how one makes a twinkle reality when everything seems to be fine but then isn’t.

    I hope that your musings and experiences will teach me!

  • fi says:

    Man Fifty – spill the beans on the other potential weapons in the armoury? Its always interesting to get a bloke’s views on things.

    • Erin says:

      Dear June, Fi had the guts to say what others here are thinking. In all kindness, I’ve been wanting to say, you are cutting out a huge pool of available men by only concentrating on the younger ones. In all honesty, a younger man probably is not going to consider a woman in her 60s. Sad but true, I don’t care how good you look. You say you’re not attracted to men your own age. Have you dated any, talked to any? A person can look rather craggy on the outside but be vibrant and full of life on the inside. Have you ever known a very attractive person on the outside who was such a shit on the inside that they started to look ugly in your eyes? Same principle applies. Hoping you will try to widen your box a little and see what happens.

      • Jo says:

        June. I have long agreed with Erin and the others with similar comment about your words. You put out sucha relentlessly negative vibe always that it cannot but be the case that this radiates off you. It can only repel, not attract. It may not be obvious but it is so strong and so always negative that it must surely sublimily seep out. Plus, as Erin says some problems may be due to only seeking a younger man. Surely saying that you are ‘not attracted to men of the same age as you’ is perpetuating the same prejudice that planktons are up against in reverse.

    • Man Fifty says:

      Fi, here are my five top tips:
      1. Dress well. Expensive shoes, the most expensive you can afford. Décolletage helps too, of course. I know, sad, isn’t it?
      2. Smile. Really smile. A lot.
      3. Get inside his personal space.
      4. P2. Praise and probe. e.g: “How wonderful/exciting/interesting/courageous…etc. When/where/why/how/what made you become a butcher/baker/candlestick maker…?”
      5. Laugh at his jokes. Laugh so much that your tits bounce up and down. OK, sorry, that last bit was meant to be a joke…! 🙂

      • fi says:

        Actually I think this is true about tits. I was standing at a bar with a male friend of mine a few weeks ago and I was wearing a low cut dress (since thrown out as I felt it was too low cut but it wasn’t really, it was just too revealing when I looked down) and glancing round the bar I caught men’s eyes, and honest to god, everyone of them smiled at me. It was so unnerving I put my coat on! But it must have been the dress. Hmmmm.

  • Troll Lover. says:

    The frightening thing is that you are (I assume) a woman who doesn’t appear to have worked out, despite your age, the tips and wrinkles, the things that turn blokes on.

    I am not having a go at you in particular rather the bulk of the female correspondents to this blog who, in general, appear clueless both in the pulling and holding on departments.

    Example: once or twice tights have been mentioned as though the colour or opacity is important. If you are going to play the sex card, sling the tights – disgusting things.

    It doesn’t have to be brassy subtle is far sexxier – most of you lot look better with your clothes on.

    I , like most middle aged men, am, of course, sex on legs.

    BTW: no point have a bitch about a woman in her fifties wearing a short skirt. That boy (Chris?) says he loves her. It’s not just the length of the skirt it is the fact that she has done it especially for him. She deliberately makes him feel good.

    And BTW again: there is plenty of young mutton out there dressed as pig. Inappropriate dressing is not confined to the over 50s.

    • Chris says:

      Ummmm….who said she id it for me ? One of the greatest factors in what she does is that she has been told she has wonderful legs….by other women !! There is no such thing as inappropriate dressing for goodness sakes. It’s just a case of if you’ve got the equipment flaunt it. Many people never have it at any age. That’s the problem with Britain, we are a reductive society. This means any woman who appears over glamorous in this country is derided by her peers. How different from Russia or the Ukraine. And yet strangely enough glamor is admired on shows like Strictly Come Dancing. Weird.

  • Aidan says:

    Planktons girlfriends have identified a huge problem for us fans namely when Mr Plankton turns up, and I can’t believe that for someone as witty and wise as plankton he wont turn up, no more blog.

    I there propose that we form a Plankton fan club ( The planktonites? can someone think of a better name) with the aim of persuading her to continue writing after Mr Darcys arrival.

    We should arrange a meeting at a pub/wine bar in central London to discuss strategy, who is in?

    • fi says:

      I can do a pub/wine bar in central scotland. Can’t promise to bring my breasts though 😉

      • T Lover. says:

        Bloody hell, Fi, poor you. Most women take them everywhere.

        Who looks after them on their nights off?

      • fi says:

        They stay home along T Lover – eating a microwaveable weightwatchers meal for one, sobbing into one too many glasses of wine and talking to the cat. However i think now that maybe I should take them out a bit. Not full flashing but I suppose undoing an extra button on my shirt wouldn’t do any harm

      • T Lover says:

        Sorry you feel down.

        A lot of blokes are in the same boat.

        Awful isn’t it?

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you, Aidan, but it doesn’t look as though I have any reason to be stopping this blog any time soon, though I may just have to reduce it to 5 and not 7 days a week, for fear of boring you all stupid, and having the time to do a few other things…? Px

  • AMJ says:

    If you go downtown on a sunny Saturday afternoon and sit at a cafe for a while watching the world go by, you will see couples of absolutely every description go by. People who look like a bag of hammers walk by holding hands, as smoochily in love as anyone. Tarted up, dressed in trackies, boobs out or in, it doesn’t matter. People have a way of finding each other, no matter what they look like, what their personalities are like, or how they dress. To suppose there is some secret formula for success is nuts. If you meet someone compatible, you’ve been lucky. If you don’t meet such a person, you’ve been unlucky. I don’t think it’s any more mysterious than that.
    A man might be captivated by the way you hold your fork. You might be attracted to a certain grace about his gestures. Attraction is purely subjective, as everyone knows. One man’s femme fatale is another man’s tart.

  • Margaux says:

    *wild applause* AMJ !! you are so right!

  • fi0na says:

    Your dating stories might be hilarious at bookclub but here they seem to be poignant, and sometimes pathetic (In a way that makes us empathetic). Your blog is great, you throw up some big questions about singledom, but you’re not Bridget Jones. Or am I missing something?

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