A Richesse of Nothingness
October 26, 2011 § 19 Comments
The emails I have received today from the kidnap negotiator are a plankton’s dream come true. I thought I had heard the last of him and suddenly, out of the blue, I get a couple of emails asking me to join him in some nebulous country where he currently is and promises to look after me, and telling me that he is thinking of selling his house and buying one a cup cake’s throw from where I live.
If I was in love with this man I would be having palpitations of a sort that were handful-of-times-in-a-life-time-uncontrollably-wonderful. If I had had the equivalent email from Long Shot, I wouldn’t now be able to breathe, the adrenalin would be at full pump and I would not be sensible. In fact, I would be so overcome, I would have to lie down, and stay supine for several days till someone had the wit to pass me the smelling salts. I would have regressed to the absurd teenager I once was and still – alarmingly but not regretfully – have it in me to be, and I would be thinking that I was absolutely destined to be his wife, it was only a matter of time.
As it is, the emails coming from KN as opposed to LS have left me going about my normal bollocks with the faint feeling that at least someone is interested but, because it’s not the right someone, it’s business as usual. Cup of coffee with a girlfriend round the corner; changing some sheets; spot of work; bite to eat; an easy-going response without labouring over every word and comma and dash and full stop because I am not concerned about the far-away effect, just want to be practical and friendly.
How is it that the greatest sod’s law about Sod’s Law is that it is so effing consistent? I mean, of course it was going to be another text from Poppy Seed and a potentially life-changing email from Kidnap Negotiator, a mixed message from Smidgen and total fucking silence from Long Shot.
Slaughter me, do, for having all this choice, and for being so fucking tricky and spoilt and choosy and twinkle-rich, when many a plankton has quite nothing (it’s Bus Law, I promise; for so long I had less than nothing). But if you don’t fancy someone and you have tried and tried but can’t help yourself, any amount of unfanciable suitors are as good as nothing in many ways, I promise you. No, that’s not fair, of course it gives, in Reception language, a warm and fuzzy feeling to an extent, but the wham bam punch to the solar plexus romantic equivalent of a cyclone eludes me still.
I spoke to BF yesterday who is new to the game of female spinning and embracing it with admirable gusto and massive talent and enthusiasm. He is needing to email LS and is wondering whether or not to tell him that I am invited to stay with the BFs at the same time that he (LS) is? We pondered this one and have consulted Janey too. We have all agreed that LS must not know because if he declines the invitation after all and then BF invites him for Easter instead, it is better that LS doesn’t think I was invited both times at the same times that he was or he may smell a rat…Keep up…BF originally thought he should drop it into the email in passing that I was going to be there but when I explained my logic he declared me a genius. I told him I had been in this game for many a decade. He has a lot to learn, but he is learning fast.
It is not total Nothingness. My children may be away at the moment and I miss them to kingdom come, but at least I am blessed – still counting! – with the most fantastic friends and the odd twinkle, even if they are not the right ones.