Movie Plankton ll

October 30, 2011 § 27 Comments

Went to see The Help, which conveyed racism in 60s America through a pair of spectacles that, if not exactly rosy, then certainly prettified the hideous reality in the gloriously euphemistic way that only Hollywood can.  It was a load of tosh but passed a couple of hours that weren’t entirely disagreeable.

I liked the mother of the unmarried (at 23) lead character, the fact that she was in such a spin about her daughter’s lack of suitors and clearly worried about her time running out. 

One could see the patent absurdity and felt that if only it were absurdity in my own case. 

But alas my similar anxieties are all too un-absurd.

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§ 27 Responses to Movie Plankton ll

  • fi says:

    We’re all single for a reason, and that reason is that we think we deserve something better than what’s on offer – someone better looking, better body, more financially secure, more intelligent etc etc. None of us HAS to be single. We think of ourselves as we were when we were 20 and rate ourselves far too highly. Where we aren’t as fabulous looking as we were then, we think that the right person will see beneath that to the unique and special person we really are. in reality when we were 20, and all of us firm, pert, pretty in the way youthfulness is always pretty, there were loads of us about and available. Even people going out with each other would soon split up and be available again. Eccentricities that now appear as significant character flaws were charming. We were less rigid in our thinking and less judgemental and more optimistic and willing to jump right in and take chances. There are still single people around, it just that the young handsome boys have now become middle aged podgy blokes, the charmingly flakey girls are now neurotic demanding women. There’s no point looking for a mythical person, either look around at what’s on offer and accept it for what it is, choose to be on your own and make the best of it or spend your time getting more despondent because there is no Mr Perfect waiting just for you to live happily ever after with. If he is there, he’ll be with your friend’s daughter.

    • june says:

      I think it very unfair to say all us planktons are looking for too much Fi.

      Personally i have looked after myself, i am as slim as i was at 30, am told i look younger, dress trendily and am not in bad shape, so why the hell should i, and all the other female older planktons , many of whom also look good for their age, accept men who have let themselves go completely, who are fat, dress badily, and frankly most of them look a good 10 years older than their age. Most, especially those over 60 have a totally prehistoric attitude to women. Men need to wake up and realise they should look after themselves too , i dont want a man who looks or acts 10 years older than me, i am sorry but i dont.Superficial maybe but thats how i feel, i am the one who has to have intimate contact with them and quite frankly i find lots of them totally repulsive and i am sure other women feel same.

      Also lots of men especially on dating websites seem to want instant sex, i had one recently, again i am sorry but for me, sex should be part of an on going relationship, i am not prepared to sleep with someone i hardly know.

      So if all of this means ill stay a plankton so be it. i am choosey but i am not asking for moon, just a well groomed, slim non smoker, who looks reasonably attractive who is not rich but at least solvent and lives in my city,.i wouldnt dream of relocating for a man, no sane women would, i like where i live, and one who wants to get a relationship before sex, if thats too much, tough, but i think it reasonable.

  • Lydia says:

    I don’t watch television or films (and given most of the duller men have that as their main hobby that can be an issue) but it sounds like a film worth watching. Whether a man has staff can be a dating issue. I remember with my last boyfriend having less help at his house than at home and thinking would I really want through marriage to you to reduce the way I live. I suppose i could incorporate the staff I have into his life etc etc …. I certainly don’t want to end up with a man where my life is worse than it is now, not that cleaning the odd bathroom ever did any of us any harm I suppose. It’s good for the soul.

    Mothers and fathers have a lot to answer for. If you read the Imerman lady’s divorce article in the weekend Times magazine she says as a child her brothers were encouraged into business but as she was from a Middle Eastern family the only path for her was marriage. Thus she spends a life leeching off men. If we can instead encourage our children bu a good example of women who as mothers who earn more than or the same as their husbands and enjoying good careers many of the dating and other problems are removed. It no longer becomes – I cannot afford this bride price and darling you must have a husband.

    The other more splendid example this weekend is Amanda Staveley who married this weekend. Instead of marrying Prince Andrew she went to the Middle east and earned £50m – £100m in her own right – she pulled off that Barclays deal, good for her. and now at 38 can marry with her own wealth and career behind her.

    We need more Amanda Staveleys and fewer Mrs Imermans and the way that is achieved is through how we bring up daughters.

    • EmGee says:

      And to think, only minutes ago I read another blog about being blind to one’s own smug sense of privilege. Thanks for driving the point home, Lydia, I enjoy hearing your pov.

      • fi says:

        I don’t believe Lydia is real. I’ve never come across a woman like her. I think she just says things to be provocative and she may well be a bloke. Who is having as much sex as her and batting away as many men as her? Earning stratospheric sums of money? Nope she isn’t.

      • Lydia says:

        Fi, I am real. I have never said I am getting a lot of sex lthough I could (any of us could). I don’t like casual sex. I spoke to 4 men last week and didn’t like any of them so I can be as fussy as any plankton.

        I don’t agree there are no single middle aged men around. but I do hvae very strong views about women and work and I think a lot of moaning middle aged women should work harder and develop careers and have less of nothing on their plate and then they wouldn’t obesses about what the construction is of whether he called or didn’t. Their lives seem not to be busy enough that they have time to fuss over it.

        Would any of the planktons have liked last week’s men:? One was married so that was out. One had a new baby (but that woudn’t put me off as I adore babies).One had such a combative conversation with me we can’t be compatible although at least he was able to hold his own, but a very irritating bad speech pattern I couldn’t stand and I said so. Bad me. Can’t even remember number 4. I think he was miles away, sexually compatibile but far too wrong in terms of class, education, income and all that stuff.

  • EmGee says:

    I have always felt a sense of time running out, my whole adult life, but I look at young people and wonder, what’s your hurry?

  • Jo says:

    Fi. I think you’ll find are not single for the reasons you ridiculously generalise about. Gosh you know all the answers don’t you?!!
    No. Most planktons are single because -surprise surprise – they’re doing their best to meet someone but having no such luck.
    batting them away because they’re not perfect? Or because we’re behaving as if we are still 20? As if.. Patronising and utterly general…. To say the least.

    • fi says:

      I include myself in this of course. But we’re not going through life never ever meeting anybody. We do. Just not ones we want

      • fi says:

        If you really aren’t meeting any then why on earth not? Get out more. I meet loads when I go to my college course on joinery (afraid so) or my film club night (again, that’s what I do) followed by my night in the pub. None of them fanciable, to me anyway, but there’s certainly no shortage of them.

      • Lydia says:

        If I go into many work events, talks and things I often find about 20% of the men there attractive so I don’t think I have too narrow a visual criteria but then you have to match the other aspects too.

    • june says:

      agree see my comments

  • Jo says:

    Of course meant most planktons are not single..etc. at the beginning of this.

  • rosie says:

    I think Fi is much more likely to be a bloke than Lydia.

    • fi says:

      Well I suppose I’ve got a lot of bloke friends and they talk to me about their women folk where they have them, and so I know what drives them mental. And its surprising how much crap a bloke will put up with from a woman. Equally I get a pretty good idea of how they think. And I’m not a whiney woman they have to make allowances for so they like having me around. And I get flattery, seats pulled out and doors opened for me which makes me feel feminine and desirable and that’s nice. I always know where to draw the line so nobody misunderstands the situation, and they all look after me when we’re out. Even at my joinery class they give me the tools first. Its nice. But still I don’t fancy them but it keeps me feeling attractive and I think that if I ever do meet someone right for me, I feel I’ll be ok handling it. I don’t think they’re another species actually which is where I differ from most people on here, I think they’re (generally) very nice, gentlemanly, confused and irritated by women and want to do the right thing by us. Very very few are shitty. Sorry but I like them.

    • T Lover says:

      Blimey, the handbags are swinging now.

      From the perspective of this male the woman who spends her life pulling one man after another would be the last in my queue.

      And when you are young and single you make a life with one person. Now, second time around, you have to like the new wife, her resentful and churlish kids (they come before you) and more than likely the grief that comes with the father to her children etc etc.

      Worse, in my experience women who have never married and deliberately chosen not to have children are a pain in the arse.

      Filter out those who would take your financial pants down (again) if you split then factor in the imminent menopause (who wants to be forced to wear ear plugs all day) and what are you left with?

      Not much.

      • Dawn says:

        Now, now. Menopause doesn’t turn us all into shrieking harpies. Some of us handle it quite nicely, you know.

    • Lydia says:

      A couple of men I’ve met have actually fixed a date with someone they had got to know on line nad a man turns up. I just can’t understand that. Surely you’d just back out rather than turning up all 6 foot of you in a suit. Weird.

  • rosie says:

    If none of them are fanciable you may as well say you can meet 80-year-old women in Greggs, no?

    As for fanciable I’ve just seen a very fanciable ex on Facebook (I know but I’m not a saint) with what looks like his new girlfriend who’s at least 10 years younger than me. Really wish I hadn’t done that. Now off to bed on my own.

  • Chris says:

    Here is another angle that may not have occurred to Planktons. Namely women from Eastern Europe or other exotic parts of the world. I know a fair few guys who have kind of just given up on UK women with regards to marriage because they find that foreign women are frankly just so much nicer. What is unacceptable to Planktons ( or would appear to be so from reading this blog and its attendant comments ) is more than acceptable to women from many parts of the world.Sometimes the reason is poverty ( as in the Philippines ), sometimes because there is a huge surplus of women ( as in Russia ). But it is most often it is because they are treated so much better by UK men than men in their own country. I myself had a stunning Latin American girlfriend who was heartily sick of the attitude of smouldering Latino hunks in her own country. She actually found a bland blue eyed fair skinned clean cut boring guy highly attractive in comparison to the utlra macho guys of her own country. Oh and by the way I met her just down the road from where I live.. So ladies, not only are you up against home grown younger women, you are also up against rather exotic foreign women too. Oh dear !! But then again there seem to be plenty of guys beneath your radar so I guess it really doesn’t matter.

    • Lydia says:

      It works the other way too. We can all import our men if we want to.

      Essentially most people want ap artner who is nice to them and far too many people don’t put niceness high up on their list but long term it matters a lot. Are they kind or are they totally selfish?

      There’s no inequality. Desirable women and men have more choice. Undesirable men and women have little choice.

      • Chris says:

        You can indeed import your men. But there lies the nuance. There is considerable foreign demand for UK men as they are perceived as being better than men in many cultures. This is true as I myself have witnessed. I just don’t think UK women realise how lucky they are to have local guys like us. You see us as unattractive and boring a lot of the time. For foreign women that solid boring dependability is what makes us so attractive in comparison to their local men. As fo UK ladies importing guys, well, I have known many who married Turkish men. Precisely one of those marriages survived. Why ? Well, the Uk ladies could not develop a taste for the control and chastisement that is part and parcel of Turkish marriage culture. That I am afraid goes foe a lot of other cultures as well. Could write a lot more about this and it is quite interesting but that is enough !

  • joules says:

    Fi probably is more likely to meet blokes with that list of extracurricular activities. The joinery class sounds interesting – would be nice to make myself new furniture as the ex is likely this week to take most of what is in my house.

  • Your time is not really running out at all- You know what people keep saying these days… about how 50 is now the new 40… ….

  • Might I be so bold as to suggest that perhaps it may be fruitful if you were to think of yourself as being a meroplantkon?

    (Meroplankton are organisms which are plankton only for part of their lives)

  • EmGee says:

    Chris, You are very likely right about the appeal of English men for foreign women, but as for your comment about western women marrying foreign men:
    “I have known many who married Turkish men. Precisely one of those marriages survived. Why ? Well, the Uk ladies could not develop a taste for the control and chastisement that is part and parcel of Turkish marriage culture.”

    Very true! and this probably also applies to many of those foreign women longing for an English husband: someone who doesn’t consider her chattel, and/or a servant first, and wife second. I would wager even an English man looking for a subservient foreign wife is likely to be more lenient in his demands than his equivalent in her native land.

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