Plankton Reward Ho Hum
November 17, 2011 § 19 Comments
I have been all excited this past week or so, and merry and optimistic but I realise it’s all been entirely misplaced. Over the past few days I have seen a few friends I haven’t seen for a while and they have been asking me about my love life. Blearghh! I tell them about Poppy Seed and the kidnap negotiator and Smidgen and Long Shot and it sounds a lot but as I recount it I know in my heart of hearts that it all adds up to nothing.
PS is history. KN asked me to go and stay with him in his far away zone, abroad. The country he is in has just seen a period of astonishing upheaval and it would be an adventure. Friends urge me to go but it is not as easy as that. I am a single mother, can’t just swan off. Or I perhaps could, but it’s not easy. I feel it might be worth the monumental effort (and indeed expense! I can ill afford it) if I at least fancied the person. But perhaps that is unforgivable and unimaginative of me and I should go for the adventure alone, but I demur. Then there is Smidgen with whom I have a date but I swear to God I have no idea which way it is going to go. If it doesn’t go at all, then he is out of the picture because, opportunity right there in front of him, he is clearly Not Interested or asexual or gay or whatever, and I was deluded, which is more than likely. As for Long Shot, our association hangs by the mere thread of one text and the outside chance of being under the same roof during the Christmas holidays. Even if the text is followed up by further contact (I am so not holding my breath) and we do spend some time together in December, who is to say that if he didn’t find me repellent already, then he may not come to do so?
So the love life boils down to this: the whim of a Smidgen and the thread of a text. So much (well, inner) activity over the months, and so little reward.
Such is the fate of a plankton, even such a pro-active one as me.
Perhaps I should save myself the bother, sit back and do nothing. Nothing comes of nothing. Yet nothing, so it seems, also comes of something.