Plankton Reward Ho Hum

November 17, 2011 § 19 Comments

I have been all excited this past week or so, and merry and optimistic but I realise it’s all been entirely misplaced.  Over the past few days I have seen a few friends I haven’t seen for a while and they have been asking me about my love life.  Blearghh!  I tell them about Poppy Seed and the kidnap negotiator and Smidgen and Long Shot and it sounds a lot but as I recount it I know in my heart of hearts that it all adds up to nothing.

PS is history.  KN asked me to go and stay with him in his far away zone, abroad.  The country he is in has just seen a period of astonishing upheaval and it would be an adventure.  Friends urge me to go but it is not as easy as that.  I am a single mother, can’t just swan off.  Or I perhaps could, but it’s not easy.  I feel it might be worth the monumental effort (and indeed expense!  I can ill afford it) if I at least fancied the person.  But perhaps that is unforgivable and unimaginative of me and I should go for the adventure alone, but I demur.  Then there is Smidgen with whom I have a date but I swear to God I have no idea which way it is going to go.  If it doesn’t go at all, then he is out of the picture because, opportunity right there in front of him, he is clearly Not Interested or asexual or gay or whatever, and I was deluded, which is more than likely.  As for Long Shot, our association hangs by the mere thread of one text and the outside chance of being under the same roof during the Christmas holidays.  Even if the text is followed up by further contact (I am so not holding my breath) and we do spend some time together in December, who is to say that if he didn’t find me repellent already, then he may not come to do so?

So the love life boils down to this: the whim of a Smidgen and the thread of a text.  So much (well, inner) activity over the months, and so little reward.

Such is the fate of a plankton, even such a pro-active one as me.

Perhaps I should save myself the bother, sit back and do nothing.  Nothing comes of nothing.  Yet nothing, so it seems, also comes of something.

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§ 19 Responses to Plankton Reward Ho Hum

  • Elle says:

    “Nothing comes of nothing. Yet nothing, so it seems, also comes of something.”

    This is the best summation of Plankton Life I have ever seen. It has been my experience too. Once women get to a certain age men think it’s ok to treat us like dust.

    I used to be a stickler for honesty but my experience as a Plankton has left me so jaundiced that I am now going to start lying about my age. I would advise any Plankton who can get away with it to do the same. If things get serious with a man and he really likes you you can fess up about your age later.

    If he leaves after that so be it, but at least you’ll have had some fun whereas if you had been initially honest about your age he probably wouldn’t have bothered with you in the first place.

    Most of my single female friends lie about their age. They have noticed that when men think they’re younger (say 6 years younger than their real age) they are treated better.

    So Plankton, start lying about your age. Tough times call for tough measures.

    • The Plankton says:

      Thanks for this. I am not sure, though, that I am ready to start lying about my age just yet. That can start a whole can of worms, no? Best Px

      • Elle says:

        Yes it does start a can of worms sometimes. But that can be a small price to pay. When you go on a date you make the most of your appearance with clothes, hair, make-up etc. At this stage I consider lying about your age as part of the process of making the most of yourself.

    • MissBates says:

      “I hear you,” Elle, but that can be problematic. I’m 50 and am told I could pass for 40 (a religious use of sunscreen since my 20s years has paid off big-time), but I would never lie about my age. I’m in a profession (law — ugh) where my birthdate is published in several directories, along with my year of admission to the bar. If you knew my real name and simply “googled” me (as I am convinced everyone does these days about a prospective date), those would be the among the very first hits. Even if my details weren’t so readily available, there are just too many lies involved — you’d have to reconfigure your entire bio — your younger siblings suddenly become your older ones, your years of graduation from school and university shift forward, you have to mentally edit down your professional c.v. to shorten or eliminate your tenure at various jobs, etc.etc. And if you have children I can only imagine the complications: “Yes, that’s right, I had Zachary [a university student] when I was 15….” In other words, you have to lie regarding ALL those aspects of your life about which you would usually converse in the “getting to know you” stages, long before things “get serious” as you suggest.

      Having said that, if you have managed to pull it off, “brava!’

  • rosie says:

    From one liar to another! I’ve been knocking four years off since I was, ooh, 38, and have got away with it so far without anyone becoming hysterical and screaming ‘no way!’ Might knock another two off in that case. Then again, the last person I told my ‘age’ to was a friends with benefits bod and that was two years ago. Feels like that will be the very last time.

  • june says:

    Dear me plankton, and you were sounding so confident , still i guess as we planktons do you have been straw clutching. Im not even in that league, with me its its never going to bloody happen. I went round a friends the other night with the friend who dreads becoming a plankton, i said this to her, as we were driving back, i am resigned to it , it wont happen, She is not happy herself, the relationship is rocky, what a pair we are i said, i cant find anybody and youve got someone but it doesent seem to be the right someone. Why for some women does it all work out and others not.

    This lying about age, i do wish id knocked a few years off when i joined websites, once you state your age you cant change it, friends told me to knock a few years off, but i felt it wrong and thought of complications, now i really wish i had, i could have gotten away with it but no i was too damm honest.

  • Sarah says:

    Keep plugging away. Persistence pays off in the end. Mostly…

    I’d be hesitant about lying about my age too. When it’s happened to me, it’s come as quite a shock, and the disappointment of being lied to is not insignificant.

    • fi says:

      I was seeing a bloke who told me he was 50, then admitted he was 59, then er no actually 64. He looked great for his age and he’s right in that I probably wouldn’t have considered him had I known his age, but after he’d lied to me (not once but twice) I didn’t want to hang out with a liar.

  • jamie says:

    I agree with Sarah. I think one of the most pernicious things that can happen to a relationship is realising that your partner can lie quite casually and not think it a problem. As a man on the receiving end I would feel extremely suspicious that there was more to uncover.

  • Vince says:

    Oh dear and I thought being a single male
    Trying to find a normal female was hard

  • Dawn says:

    As tenuous as it may feel, you at least have LS upon which to hang a slim hope of something fun and interesting happening.

    Me? I’m taking a platonic friend to my work Christmas do who once lied to me to get out of dancing with me. Told me he doesn’t dance. Many men don’t like to, so it was plausible. Until I saw him dancing with someone at a cast party and not only does he dance, he does so very well and clearly enjoys it. He is not even a Long Shot. More like an AHAYWEH.*

    That? THAT? is the level of my desperation just to have someone to help me throw dinner rolls should a food fight break out.

    *Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here.

  • I know a Lady who looks great…I guessed her age , but she has never told anyone her age…and it works, we all have to take her for herself,and not a pre-concieved idea . Don’t lie, just say ,”I NEVER talk about age , mine or anybodies” I’ve seen it work . Par contre the second question here in France is your age….I tell ’em . My first Wife insisted we reverse ages as I was3 years younger ….. I should have got out then … at 18 .

    • june says:

      This is what p…….me off about these dating websites Barry,you have to state your age, why its so stupid, if they let you do say 40 to 50 50 to 60 but no you have actually state your actual age and when your birthday is , it gets automatically changed!.

      Sadly then lots of males even a year or so younger dont want to know. and as i have many female friends 20 odd years younger, and i have nights out with them when i feel no older, i often think if it doesent bother them why should it bother men only few years younger, do men see age differently to women then.

    • Elle says:

      The French don’t seem to have the same problem with older women as Anglophone cultures like the US, the UK & Ireland. In France older women are seen as sentient sexual beings, while here… it doesn’t bear thinking about.

      • june says:

        Yes Elle, i do notice in europe older women are more noticed,and noone seems to think we should curl up and die ,and don shapless, unsexy clothing, dont get me started on what the over 50s shouldnt wear stuff, that really bugs me, i follow no rules, i god damm wear what i want and iv grown my hair deliberately, as older women “should have it short! why who said, why are we not supposed to be noticed. I was talking the other night with friends in 30s and 40s and they said if could afford would like botox. I said you dont need botox, it takes the expression from your face, who the hell wants a frozen face. Its got worse since i was that age, no-one i knew then considered such things,if you wanted to stay youthful, you didnt smoke, used sun screen religiously,didnt sunbathe or go on sun beds, and relied on your genes hopefully,didnt consider injecting god knows what into your body.

  • EmGee says:

    Sounds like your mind is moving toward premeditated disappointment, which is bound to succeed. I had a twinge today when ex boyfriend noted someone else’s birthday was today and he ought to give her a call. He overlooked mine completely last month. 😦

    But – I have a date Sunday, and yet another fella wants to have coffee soonish at my convenience. Funny how there are two good fortunes, but the one that seems to ‘count’ most at the moment is the one which causes the disappointment/hurt feelings. I know him pretty well (ADHD) and he probably won’t remember to call the other person, either.

  • Lizzie from Oz says:

    Plankton I think it is really important to treat your date with Smidgen as if he were a very good friend. I know this is basically what you have been doing so far, but I just feel that you will set yourself up for disappointment if you look at it with any inkling of a possible romantic turn of events. If you concentrate on opening up to him, telling him about yourself and even more importantly, finding out more about him and the way his mind works,you will just automatically become closer. Pretend he is your brother or your very best friend. That way, if he should turn to you and change the dynamics of the situation into a romantic/sexy one – kerboom! You can just fall into his arms. And if he doesn’t – well what have you got? A great friend. And one that is worth keeping. Don’t underestimate that.

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