Filthy Rotten Liar

November 24, 2011 § 47 Comments

I said I had quit thinking about Long Shot.

Well, I am a filthy rotten liar.

I think of little else.

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§ 47 Responses to Filthy Rotten Liar

  • Margaux says:

    Come on, P ! we’re all rooting for you – so go get yourself on his radar!
    Short of dressing up in a cute girlie santa outfit and stalking his next public appearance – there has to be a way!
    (or maybe that IS the way!)

    Fellow planktonites – suggestions please!

  • Brigitte says:

    Hello from Canada.

    I have been following you since June, so am fairly new at this state of “planktonness”. I, too, cannot stop thinking of a fellow I chat with at the gym. I am perhaps lying to myself that there is possiblity there. He is pleasant enough towards me, but not overly so (i.e. not flirting).

    Although I am very attractive and look younger than my 48 years, I still look like I’m in my forties. It seems that if you are not under 40 (or at least look it), you are doomed; age trumps beauty. I have been out of the “game” for 10+ years now and find myself at a loss. Very few men over 50 interest me (are all the ones that have aged well in Hollywood?) and very few men under 50 pay any attention to me. I used to be the stuff of some fantasies, I’m sure, so never thought I would have problems attracting a mate of my choice. Like you, I did get some interest from guys (from a dating company), but I didn’t fancy them. This is crucial, and I understand you completely; I must fancy them. There has to be a spark.

    Although I truly wish you success (as only a fellow plankton can), I would hate to see your blog end. Keep it real. You aren’t afraid to say it like it is and I have very few friends who understand me when I tell it like it is. I hate the platitudes they feel they must utter (“You’ll meet him when you least expect it.”, etc).

    Don’t give up on Long Shot until it’s a sure thing one way or the other.

    At Sea…

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you for commenting, Brigitte. I am so glad to hear new voices along with the regular ones. I am not giving up on LS, I promise. Best wishes, Plankton

    • june says:

      |Brigitte , I do think you are right and possibly only men over 50 in Hollywood age well.Looking on the dating websites its amazing not just how old most men of my age look, and i know many very attractive females, but how ancient some of the under 50s look, so many of them look about 30 years older than females of same age. Where the hell did this idea that men age better than women come from.! I only know the odd well aged man and they are happily coupled up.I was under the impression that men today kept fit and used moisturiser etc,obviously not. I had one yesterday contact me 52 and 25 stone, and i had stated i required a fit, active and youthful man!From his pic he honestly looked 72.

      • Brigitte says:

        Hi June,

        I believe the problem isn’t just the lack of moisturizer, but the lack of sunscreen. My matches on eHarmony also looked ancient. Most were between 50 and 55 but some were just under 50. If any of them played outdoor sports much of their lives, guaranteed they looked at least 10 years older. I started wearing sunscreen when it came out in the 80’s (when I was in my 20’s) because I burn easily. It’s true that the sun is skin’s worst enemy.

        At singles events that I attend, I also find the women my age look much nicer than the men. The last event I attended just this past Saturday had me rushing out of there after the meal; I just couldn’t entertain the idea of dancing with any of the men. Thank God I had some fun talking to the woman beside me during the meal. This is how it has been at all the singles events I have attended since March. Not a single attractive man in sight and several attractive, entertaining women (I have laughingly entertained the idea of “changing teams”, but am not inclined that way). I think the attractive ones are snatched up quickly and by younger women. Maybe I’m picky, but I’m a catch physically and intellectually. I don’t like Hollywood handsome (I would feel inadequate), but they have to have a certain physical appeal. I have tried, but cannot compromise too much in this area.

        I also replied to your post about being an only child.

        Nice chatting with you.
        Brigitte

      • Elle says:

        25 stone? The very act of sending an email must have put him at risk of heart failure!

  • terracotta says:

    Dear Plankton – have you thought about changing your name? Plankton reminds me of school biology ponds and ‘O’ levels and you’ll get ingrained into thinking you are worthless – you might as well call yourself ‘dog poo’. Even Daphnia is better if you have to stick to the planktonite theme. You have a column in The Times one of the world’s most famous papers – the route to that must have lead you past some interesting people – I can imagine you surrounded by the creme de la creme – although having said that I used to work at the BBC and fantasy if often outweighed by reality. I think Scott is on to something in suggesting you join MENSA although you didnt think you’d be up to it. One of my daughters, in her twenties, is a Junior Research Fellow at New College Oxford. If she ever dines in Hall in the evening – she can barely move for unattached (through divorce or widowhood) academicians who can barely lift their heads off the table through the weight of their brains. A lot of them seem lonely – she notes they blossom under the cheery eye of some of the catering ladies – no doubt thinking back to nanny or matron and comforting bosoms. All you need is a mop or J cloth and lean forward with a quick but pertinent bon mot or witticism at the right moment and I’m sure you’ll reel them in.

  • Chris says:

    Just means you are a normal woman I think. Women always seem drawn to guys other women are drawn to. They always seek to attain the least attainable, and then think they can make him a keeper should they get him. Of course the chances of it working out are slim to grim but when has logic ever intruded on such emotions ? Of course the alternative is to ‘ settle ‘ for someone less popular and attractive and that involves ‘ compromise ‘ and no one seems to want to do that in this modern age. Guess that is why there are so many lonely plankton. Even if you did compromise with someone else you would still probably yearn for long shot. Talk about make our lives hard !! Good luck. By the way if you are as sassy in real life as you are here I cannot understand for the life of me how you could ever suffer a man drought. But then I recall you have told us before that you are not in real life as you are in this blog. Maybe if you could carry you alter ego over into your everyday life……?

  • plumgrape says:

    I feel real empathy for you, Plankton. I know the feeling. I think we plankton have to stay completely focused on our aspirations and objectives. Our day will come.

  • AJ says:

    I feel for you P, I really do, for I am in a similar position. I loathe myself for allowing ‘my version’ of LS to consume my thoughts, whatever I am doing, washing up, putting my makeup on, swimming at the local gym (of all places), there he is, hovering in my head! aaghhh!

    I really, really hope LS contacts you soon, you deserve a break after the set backs of late.

  • june says:

    Poor poor plankton,by the way have you heard anymore about the proposed christmas meeting that your friends were arranging with Long Shot,is it off, on or nothing definite. Surely this is the golden opportunity but as you hadnt mentioned it lately, i feared the worst. Is there no chance at all of that coming off.?

    As Chris says none of us want to compromise, i know i dont and i see friends who have and are just pretending to be happy,like my friend who doesent want to be a plankton, shes up and down like yo yo, in a relationship not right for her, and know of others to,so Chris i think plankton right not to compromise, it rarely works, possibly because today we are so used to so much choice in everything ,we expect relationships to be the same, and sadly they are not.

    • The Plankton says:

      Dear June, Alas, no news as yet about the holidays; so till an outright no, hope still glimmering, just. Px

    • Chris says:

      June, the lack of compromise means by definition they are no longer a plankton, no longer bottom of the sexual food chain. For how can they be when the are deselecting a large percentage of the male population. As far as I can see the SFAR guys are the true bottom of the sexual food chain, which is where this blog started after all !! Sorry to bring cold male logic to this emotionally charged relationship fest !!

      • MissM says:

        I do agree with you on needing to compromise, I fully realise there is no such thing as a “perfect” match. Oddly enough in my experience it seems to be the men who are seeking a fantasy woman (yes other people’s experiences may vary).

        But would you agree that one area in which we cannot compromise is on whether we fancy someone or not? Fancying someone is rather a binary thing, you either do or don’t, it is on or off, and as such not really an area that allows for compromise.

        I have said before I can find a balding, overweight man sexy as hell but this doesn’t mean I find all balding, overweight men sexy. But as with other posters on here, men older than me are always a turn off. This is not new to me at my age of 43, I have never been interested in older men even when I was younger, so at least I am being consistent. The difference seems to be that after a woman hits 40 she immediately seems to fall off the radar of men also in their 40’s. While I could date my own age in my 20’s or 30’s, hitting 40 suddenly I am expected to only consider men ten, fifteen or twenty years older than me, and if I don’t I am being too fussy.

        I think it odd to say I am not a plankton because I will not pair up with a man who is of the previous generation and makes me physically cringe rather than be alone. Would you also say to an unemployed person that they do not truly want work if they refuse to take up employment as a prostitute?

      • june says:

        It may be logical Chris but whats the point of compromising just for sake of having someone. From what ive seen in people who compromise, it doesent make them happy. I have spent many hours dealing with the fallout of a very good friend who has compromised,constantly and she is not happy, and i know of many others who have and are just putting up with it as so scared of being alone, there is no point in it,and hard though it is being a plankton i think i prefer it, it can be lonely and sad, as we know from our comments on here, but so can being in wrong relationship!.

      • Elle says:

        The reason many SFAR man are single isn’t because they are in any way lacking, but because they don’t want the bother of a relationship, least of all with a woman their own age. When they’re in clover and can get all the sex they want with women from 18 up why would they?

      • Elle says:

        I am 39 and would happily consider a good man in his 50s. I would consider a man up to 60 if he were fit and healthy. But where do you meet such men? Most of my offers come from men in their early and mid 30s who think I’m younger but they want families so I won’t waste their time. I find that men in their 40s can very nasty to women, men of 49 the nastiest of all. I was sexually assaulted by one 49 year old a few years ago because I wouldn’t “put out” on the third date, another gave me hell over my religion (no, he wasn’t Muslim but just a different type of Christian) and the most recent 49 year old hurt me in such a way that I’m still picking my self esteem off the floor.

        None of them would pose a remote threat to George Clooney but that doesn’t stop very attractive women flocking around them. In Ireland you often see supermodel types with trolls and the trolls aren’t particularly rich or charismatic either. It is hard to find a decent man of any kind in Ireland once you pass 30. Particularly if you don’t want an abusive alcoholic. Most men who are past 40 and single in Ireland seem to fit that category. Actually in Ireland you’re being fussy if you won’t date an abusive alcoholic.

        I do think that some women in their late 30s up are unrealistic and would do better to increase the age limit of a prospective date.

  • I’m glad I’m a Male ….that’s all ……keep hoping , it may be enough . I’m out of my depth with “The World of unstisfied Women” Until I was introduced to your Blog, I never realised this section of Society existed.
    I don’t have a ready answer for the “Problem” but I do have a greater understanding of Women , thanks to the letters written here .

    On y Vas P .

    • Joules says:

      I agree with Emgee that we are all just people. After the way my ex split with me and what I learned after he walked out it has been really difficult not thinking all men are like him and condemning all of them out of hand. But between you guys here and my male friends, colleagues and lodger hopefully I can keep those kinds of thoughts at bay.

  • J says:

    Plankton, I hope that this won’t sound harsh, but I think that you need to nip this in the bud now. It can’t be good for a thinking, educated woman of your age to be in a situation where she mentions a man she knows and says “I think of little else”.

    I think that it would be better for you to fill your mind with thoughts which are not about him and maybe, even, not about which men are available and which aren’t. You must have a variety of interests which stretch beyond potential dates, surely? I really, really would recommend listing what interests you and then considering how you can increase the breadth of your knowledge of those areas. if you can talk in an interesting way about an area you know about, people will remember you as interesting – isn’t that better than to be thought of as the one who thinks of little beyond who is available as far as men are concerned?

    As far as Long Shot is concerned, let me tell you something. A few years ago I was having coffee with a New Yorker I was working with. She was happily married, I was going through trials and tribulations with someone whom I realised much later on was really just a Lothario. She said to me that her father had said to her when she was still single and also going through a similar situation that she should bear something in mind. He told her that, if a man is really interested in a woman, he makes it happen; he doesn’t let other things get in the way of spending time with her and getting to know her. My experience since then has confirmed this. The man with whom I had a long relationship made a point early on of keeping in touch via texts, e-mails etc. He also never let too long go by without arranging to see me to take me out. I can see now how that was different to how the Lothario was. I would often not hear from him for ages and then he would suddenly appear and want to see me within hours … of course, I was so thrilled I always said ‘yes’ and then he would vanish again. It really is true, this I promise you, that when a man really wants to get to know you, he makes that happen – nothing stands in his way.

    I have to say that these two men whom you mention strike me as being Lotharios; I would say that they are certainly playing the field. I read a ‘bon mot’ which I had never seen before some time ago; it said something like “Never make a priority of someone to whom you are merely an option”. I think that it is sad that you pour so much of yourself into these two men, when to them, you are just one of the women they know. This doesn’t mean that they don’t think you’re great; I’m sure they do. I don’t think that you are a priority to them, though – don’t make them a priority to you. They haven’t earned that.

    J

    • The Plankton says:

      Dear J, Thank you for this thoughtful comment, all of which I have taken of board because it is right and wise. I know I should act on it – esp the priority/option bit – and i may try though not necessarily succeed! But I take your point entirely. Very best wishes, Plankton

    • Jo says:

      J. You are a star. So succinctly and perfectly put.

    • Elle says:

      J, this is good advice but might be better directed at the late 20s/early 30s brigade. They still have options, we planktons have few. That’s why even a molecule of hope means so much to us. The reality for most of us is that we have nothing but our dreams.

      I think that LS could be something like that. I say why not continue to enjoy the dream until each and every molecule of hope is gone.

  • Lydia says:

    I think act, not think is often the best way with men. If it’s a long shot go to where he is and shoot or hook or whatever is the right phrase. Persist. If that fails look elsewhere.

    Or take on a second or third job so there is no time to think.

  • EmGee says:

    There is no clock ticking like a time bomb. Hang in there with your fantasy of LS until the last glimmer has gone out without a doubt.

    Perhaps it is the ones who leave us in that state of doubt that stay on our minds. Although my ex bf was back to being very attentive last week before leaving for a trip back east, I haven’t heard a word since, and even though I know he will be back again soon, he is still, officially, an ‘ex’. For now anyway. Oh, tra la. How bittersweet it is.

    Barry, as one gentleman friend of mine in his 70s said, he spent most of his time trying to learn about women from other men, and it wasn’t until he started to learn about women from women that he figured out that we’re just people too, and and both sexes are pretty much the same in our ultimate desires. While you won’t figure out all women (or Planktons) by coming here to this blog, you’ll at least get to know the ones who reply here a little bit.

    • Barry says:

      Thanks EmGee , I “Discovered” my Feminine side at aquagym classes…I was one amongst 20 women….they soon knocked me into shape.
      I do disagree that we are similar , I’m an adherent of “Men are from mars…” for me , the secret, if there is one ,is to respect each other, and try to understand. I fly off with chauvenist remarks , but have learned to apologise for them…that’s progress!
      I really agree with the remark about making ‘IT” happen …I did this..and it has worked out in spades for me .

      • EmGee says:

        I agree about Mars/Venus, we all come at it from different points of view, especially between the sexes, how could it be any other way? It’s being willing to try to understand as you say, that is the tricky part. I want a companion, he wants a companion, so why do we circle each other as we both slide down the drain?

      • EmGee says:

        ‘circle the drain’ I meant. gah. I blew it, didn’t I?

  • Lizzie from Oz says:

    Yes, J did start off sounding a little harsh, but by the time we reached the end of her advice, it was wise and true. But ouch! How the truth can hurt! It probably is correct that when you are not someone’s priority, you should never make them your priority, because they have neither earned it, nor do they deserve it.

    But our Plankton is a similarly wise and academic woman, she is profound and articulate, she sees the joke, often against herself, and lets us in to a wonderfully scatty, sometimes quite mad outlook on the whole picture. Hilarious! And we love someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously don’t we? So let us enjoy, commiserate, and identify with each other – just because we need to! (I know I do!)

  • june says:

    Brigitte,

    I agree re the sunscreen,im fair skinned annd use one summer or winter, and as im always told i look younger it obviously works. On the dating website, a man wanted to see another pic of me, as i think he was under impression i couldnt be over 60, as he obviously thinks we are all wizzened prunes!. I didnt have any on my own so i sent him a pic of me and a friend,blonde, very attractive 19 years younger than me, and looking a few years younger anyway, his comment “my god you dont look anything like over 60” which with my friend standing beside me did wonders for my morale. Sadly as you say though there are many similar females around, there are very few men, many ,considerably younger than 60, even. Perhaps many dont use sunscreen!

  • zoe says:

    Brigitte,

    I have the answer for you. I really do.

    Forget men of your age. Go for younger. There are plenty of younger, handsome men who are entranced by the allure of an older woman. And, best of all, you will fancy them.

    If you’re internet dating, the general sites can make it hard to identify these men, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. They do. In their droves.

    P: I love your blog and would suggest the same to you too, but I know you won’t go for this (yet).

    Zoe

    • Lydia says:

      There certainly are and traditionally men in their 20s have learned most of their sexual skills from women who are 40+ (as we’re so good). I suspect though people in general are less likely to settle down with someone of a different age even if it’s much older man and younger girl. So it depends what you’re after.

      • fi says:

        I agree. Since joining POF last Saturday I’ve had over 100 emails, 6 of whom have been in their twenties

      • fi says:

        Can I qualify this before you all go thinking I’m some sort of sex goddess, most of these folk are as a result of me failing to filter out the ones who were looking for an ‘Intimate Encounter’. However there are 5 nice blokes ranging in age from 45 to 55 that I’m chatting to. Maybe it won’t go anywhere, and after so long on my own I’m not sure I want it to, but its good practice, safe, and makes me feel I’m still attractive which is a good thing isn’t it?

      • My first Wife was 3 years older , my Wife today is 15 years Younger ….. I didn’t plan it that way , it just happened …..

      • The Plankton says:

        Dear Barry, This is absolutely not a personal criticism, merely a general observation, but it’s funny, isn’t it, though I am not sure funny is the word, that it so often just happens that way? Let’s call it coincidence… Best wishes, Px

    • Brigitte says:

      Thank you Zoe.

      I did have a younger man (albeit only 4yrs) last year for about 6 months (someone I effortlessly and unexpectedly met at work – now gone). His wife called him back after one year of separation and he went running back. He was very much the family type (with 3 kids) and a total fish-out-of-water as a bachelor. I was totally in love with him and he had that way about him that separated/divorced men have with new girlfriends in that they treat you like a wife and you have the instant relationship. It was much too fast and I fell hard. I’m sure he loved me, but the family life was pulling him back very strongly.

      As for his wife, no doubt she changed her mind when she found herself in “planktonland”. She called him back after trying unsuccessfully with an old high school boyfriend. She also found nothing on POF.

      There are younger men at my gym, and although they will look at me and I’ll smile, they don’t chat. There are probably websites for younger men looking for older women, but not sure I want a guy deliberately looking for this (a little creepy). Anyway, don’t want to end up like Demi Moore. Maybe if I don’t fall in love…

      Brigitte

  • june says:

    Im , with you there Brigitte, men deliberately looking for older women, defintely bit creepy.

    To be honest i have had younger men contact me on websites, but they normally live miles away if a lot younger but the odd one or two nearby , Did have one of 51 and we got on very well online.i began to get my hopes up,he told me i looked much younger, but we met and think he expected instant sex, seemed quite different when we met.The man who told me i didnt look my age,i mentioned was 8 yrs younger, but im not thinking that will go anywhere, for other reasons.

    In my area, though much younger men would defintely not fancy you, but yes it does happen, in paper yesterday there was a 66 year old woman married to a man in early 40s and they seem very happy, and unlike me she looked her age, was rather matronly looking and certainly wasnt in to going out much,she prefer knitting and watching tv!neither of which interest me, i prefer going out. He goes out, i couldnt help thinking is he sowing his wild oats somewhere or is that just too cynical, Guess if she had been a youthful looking woman who enjoyed socializing i wouldnt have thought that, as im not ageist,when im out with younger female friends i never feel older than them so why would it be different with a man! its how you feel, not what your birth certificate says.

    • Brigitte says:

      Forgive me for going off at a tangent, but at this point, “just sex” is looking very appealing. But it is so much better when you are in love. The trust that comes from being with someone you love turns sex into “making love” and as much as I want to experience this again, I long for physical contact with a degree of affection and respect mixed in. Maybe I’m a different type of Plankton. I don’t neccessarily expect to find true love again, but am willing to get physical, but only with someone steady. Even this is turning out to be quite impossible as I am not wearing a sign that says: “Don’t worry, I’m not looking for a husband, just a steady boyfriend who will love me and respect me. BTW, I can make you very ‘happy’.”. I only have a few years left of any remaining beauty before gravity seriouly starts to render me unattractive to men of my choice. I imagine I’m feeling just like a women whose biological clock is ticking loudly, except my clock is held by old man winter.

      • june says:

        Brigitte,

        I dont know how old you are but i guess you a bit younger than me and yes sadly for women,even quite well preserved ones it doesent get easier as you get older,for men well although i hate admitting it, their sell by date is much higher than ours.

        As i sit here on a saturday night on my own i do ponder it all and think its never going to happen is it and i will have to live with it. Like you i dont want a husband, just a companion, but im not sure i could accept the sex without the love, or at least affection. The one from website i was telling you about, i cant even remember him mentioning sex, he seemed different, but maybe i said something at our meeting which made him think that wasnt what i wanted, and no i want a relationship first, thats just me,there are certain things to consider today, sexually transmitted disease for one thing, so you need to get to know them first.

        I am really thinking i am giving up the dating websites, i have a few very unpleasant responses to my diary entry, it quite upset me, one man said i was “stroppy” when all i said was i wanted to meet someone in the city i lived in and not obese! another led off about women and them proceeded to tell me i was no oil painting! well no im not jennifer ainson but im not ugly betty either or overweight. Can you imagine a woman saying such things, we would be tactful. To be honest they make me feel worse towards men so i will not be continuing with my membership.

  • So Plankton …you at last realise IT , MAY , happen …keep striving …that 40 something Man is swirling around out there for you ….If I were 15 Years younger…I’d still be 10 years too old for you …lol xxx

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