We Need to Talk About Smidgen
November 30, 2011 § 24 Comments
The awful thing is, I think I was trying to convince myself all along.
Smidgen had – has – various things in his favour. He is warm, intelligent, funny. He is available. He is neither too old nor too young. He is local. He has a job. People like him. He is a bachelor and, though he prizes solitude, he also has a gregarious side. He is not a social misfit. Though unworldly and wanting a certain sophistication, he is not a stranger to the modern world (blogging etc., though not this blog, I hasten to say!) There are many things in his favour, but there are, too, a few things not. Call me unfair but perhaps a certain cowardliness? Indecisiveness? Male equivalent of prick-teasiness? and what have you. And I think, in the end, when push didn’t come to shove, I decided that the disadvantages of Smidgen outweighed the advantages.
There is only so much hovering around the central matter as to whether or not a couple of folk are or are not going to get together that one or another of those folk is prepared to take. I have been spending time with Smidge for several months and, much though I like him, I always knew in my heart of hearts that he was probably not The One. He might, I own, have turned out to be, given more time, but there is little time left to me, and definitely not enough for any more silly buggers. Time to move on. I glimpsed him in a crowd last night and could have gone to say hello, but I didn’t.
This may sound harsh and as though I am cutting off my nose to spite my not entirely alluring face. There may be precious few pastures new, but I think it is time to move on to them. Long Shot, though not altogether a pasture new, is at last showing signs, if slightly eccentric ones, of not finding me entirely physically repellent, and even of maybe wanting to start a dialogue. So for all my – and your – disquiet about him, he seems a more sure-fire (if not safer) bet than Smidge right now. Romantic fool that I am, that is the direction, surprise, surprise, in which I am going to turn my attentions, while at the same time not blinding myself to other, fresh possibilities.
I am not a complete fool. I am fully aware that attentions and possibilities with LS will almost certainly be disappointed, but failure to get to be with someone with whom you can imagine a life is one thing; failure to get to be with someone with whom you can’t really imagine a life, but with whom you thought you’d better give it a try because he was available, friendly enough, and there, is entirely another.
I know for which failure I would rather hold out. No?