Sure as Clockwork, Another Random Plankton Rant

December 7, 2011 § 85 Comments

Some people are going to remonstrate with me today I am sure but I am going to say it as it is.  I like to say it as it is.

I was out last night and heard about the friend of a friend of a friend, a man who is forty and who has declared to his circle that he has decided never to get married.  No great loss to the ranks of womankind by the sounds.  He apparently thinks of women as either lovely and clever but unfuckable, or fuckable but disposable.  Attractive character he must be.

The ones with whom he has sex he comes to despise before the seeping spunk has had a chance to cool and ingratiate itself into the weave of his souless sheets.  Virgin/Whore syndrome?  Whatever it is, there is some major fuck up going on in his head, obviously, and I asked the friend of my friend what had happened to him to turn him into such a quasi-psycho.  “Very repressed military background,” came the reply.  But though his misogynistic stance is extreme, it is not unheard of, military background or no military background.  In the course of our painfully fruitless quest, plankton come across many a man who has, to a greater or lesser degree, a similarly scewed (is that the word?  It doesn’t look right.  Scewered?  Stop press: got it! Skewed!) regard to women.

I met a male therapist a few years ago who said he was counselling three such single men.  He said that each of them appeared to all intents and purposes to be normal middle-aged, middle-class fellows, full of charm and social ease; ordinary-seeming blokes, bright, friendly, successful.  But he knew them well, and he knew differently.  He had to respect their anonymity, obviously, so couldn’t tell me their names, but he prayed I never came across them and fell into their snare because they had a way of eviscerating women and vulnerable middle-aged ones more than most.

I don’t care what anyone says, but this is what plankton are up against.  Men with out of control fantasies for whom real women are such a disappointing blow that they actively hate us.  As I say, this repressed friend of a friend of a friend is educated, sociable, probably an academic or lawyer or something, and yet when it comes to his relationships with women, he is a callous nutter.  Clearly, he is an outlandish example and close to the far right of the SFAR spectrum.  But there are low-key commitment-phobes everywhere we turn.  I read a piece the other day by a man of thirty – handsome picture accompanying the text, natch – saying why he and his mates didn’t want to get married.  Why would they when they have been weaned on computer games and internet porn and novelty is all and they can plunder through women with the wanton vibrations of a road drill relentlessly and unstoppably ploughing and tearing its way up whole networks of roads?

Or you get the slow-burn narcissicists of this world who may occasionally ponder the notion of dipping into the sweet crevice of a willing and open pair of shapely legs, if it happens to serve itself up on a platter with flourishes of parsley or   the more fashionable rocket with barrel-aged balsamic, or not, as the case may be.  When the time comes, chances are he may not rise to the occasion, not because he hates women particularly but because he does so love himself and because his solitude is one big wank and why would he jeopardise it for the sake of proper and long-term and vexing engagement with someone else?

Or you get the tossers and losers I have heard about on various shite sites who blob and stink and letch and think they are doing you a favour, babe, by even considering you, and think that you should be so lucky to have the roving attention of their balti breath and acorn cocks, it’s your fucking lucky day, lady.

Or you get the occasional nice enough one who is really keen on you (once in a blue fucking moon) and you try your best to think yourself with him and you say to yourself, he’d be a kind enough fellow to go to the movies with and have pasta, interesting and mild.  And you will yourself to think thoughts of sex with him because he is there and, as I say, kind and interesting and good enough, but the thought of getting naked with him would be like picking up a spider, or letting a snake slither round your neck or having a juddering pigeon flapping its windy wings right by your ear.  And you don’t know why this is, and it feels so unfair because he’s so nice and because he’s so there, but you just can’t get yourself to relish the very concept of his bare skin and bits coming into contact with and indeed searching their way across and into yours.

Or you get the lovely ones who are genuinely so lovely that they have chain girlfriends, one after the other, never a breather, or breather only enough to signal that they are lovely enough not actually to be adulterers but not so long as any of the rest of us looking on with shock and awe can so much as sigh.

I could go on.  Yesterday I told Mrs Standard Bearer that planktonhood is in some ways more hopeless and worse than not having a job (not that I have a real one of those, either, but that’s another story).  Jobs are headline scarce but decent men are tantamount to extinct.  I have less chance of falling in love with a man who falls in love with me at the same time and actually wants to be with me than a twenty year old graduate from GobShite Tech with a third in Toenail Art has of becoming the right-hand woman of Alan Fucking Sugar.

This is the reality.  No men to speak of.  No men.  No men.

No men.

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§ 85 Responses to Sure as Clockwork, Another Random Plankton Rant

  • Break out the plasic repacement P ….only needs batteries, never argues, farts,nose picks, or tells the truth .
    Stop analysing ; the next “Thing” you meet , accept at face value , go along with the “Now” moment, and relax . If “IT” really is a “Thing” …Thanks ,but No thanks…if not, Au Revoir , or Hmmmmm My place or yours ?

    Bisous …”A Happy “Thing” in France ” xx

  • J says:

    Plankton, It only looks wrong because It’s actually spelled with a ‘k’ -“skewed”.

  • Twinkletoes says:

    Oh you are on good form today, Ms P!

    I can identify with those types you’ve described so well. Had a couple of eviscerators on that dating site recently. The last one threw his toys out of his pram, wrote a stinging reply and then blocked me, all because I politely said he was too far away.

    And acorn cocks had me PMSL! xx

  • Penny says:

    Hello Plankton. Wow. unforunately most of what you say is true. Men have problems with women, thats it. Seems they are very complicated. A male friend of mine had a friend who was a complete womaniser – all he wanted to do was get a woman into bed and then he would lose interest. If she didnt “give out” then he would pursue her until she did and still lose interest after. I have known this guy for 20 years and knew 5 women quite well who all had slept with him. I didnt understand why. Maybe they thought they could all change him. He wasnt particularly attractive either. He has now become a recluse and no one sees him anymore. Maybe he burnt himself out! I thought he was a very sad man, the way he was running his life.

    The arrogance of men is extraordinary, just look on internet dating sites and see these awful men (overweight, ugly and bald, well I’m saying it how it is too!!!) and expect a gorgeous woman who they have emailed to be interested.

    Its all down to luck, and being there at the right time. But we have to just keep positive, you never know whats around the corner.

  • Jane says:

    Firstly the word is skewed. You’re right, some people are going to remonstrate with you and one of them is me. P. do you live your everyday life like this? Picking up snippets of info from hither and yon about the total fuckwit wasters of men that exist…somewhere in the ether, whom you have never met and aren’t likely to and basing your philosophy for life on those stories. The world is made up of all sorts, mass murderers, wife beaters, men who treat women like shit, because they can. I meet a few, but not many of them, to my knowledge anyway, so I don’t feel the need to dwell on the awfulness of what they do. Pollyanna’ish,? perhaps but I would prefer to focus on the world as it affects me. You actively refuse to go and try internet dating on the experiences of people that have myriad horror stories , but, you don’t know personally. You don’t hear any positive feedback about said dating sites, well let’s be clear about this, you are writing a blog about being a plankton, which of course attracts readers who are also planktons. The people who may have been successful on such sites aren’t going to be contributing here for the most part, because they are off and happy with the person they found. Maybe I am just in a crabby mood today but I could shake you. If you try these things and find them a disaster, then all respect to you, you have given it a fair crack, but for goodness sake don’t just keep dismissing things out of hand on the say so of others. Failure and disappointment is desperate for sure, but at least if it’s by your own hand , there has to be some small comfort in that. Looking back and thinking ‘I took everyone elses advice and it did me no good, I wonder what would have happened if I had done my own thing’ is my idea of sheer purgatory. You are better than this, get off your arse and go and do something!

    • Penny says:

      Jane, I agree. There are a lot of awful men around, but you have to just get on with things yourself, find out for yourself, then you have tried. But just giving up is not the way. You have to keep on believing, and being positive. I’ve been on dating sites for quite a long time now, I just keep on thinking “just maybe it will happen”. If I dont keep trying nothing will happen. I dont have any couple friends like Plankton does, to introduce me to single men. I have couple friends but they dont know any single guys. So its up to me. And its up to Plankton, and all of us Planktons to keep on being positive and doing internet dating and the like. Enough said!

      • Chris says:

        Sigh….. well there a lot of awful women around I am afraid. I guess Britain is just jam packed with awful people !! Depressing, ain’t it ? This is from what you would probably term one of those nice enough blokes.

    • Jo says:

      Jane. Hey there.I have offered up positive feedback on here about friends of mine, who tried internet dating. Time and time and time again. Over the years after some false starts – yes, fuckwits, idiots, charlatans et al – enough of these friends eventually struck lucky. ( 2 quite quickly, amazingly enough. Yes I know, not the norm. Very lucky etc etc.. But it worked for them, whatever the journey.) Long lasting relationships with someone fab for them – still going strong.I know it’s not easy and many a grim road has been wearily and miserably trodden therein.( As in life? As I have said before. I think so. ) But there are some positive outcomes out there. Certainly enough to be worth giving it a – realistic – go. Or not. Comme vous-voulez… (Pretentious? Pas moi!)
      No guarantees nor magic wands and -yes- we all know the percentages and all that but.. Some good outcomes too…Amongst the undesirables to be found out there. And yes yes I know there are lots of those – before I’m stoned for offering up a few success stories-.

      • Jo says:

        I mean I have tried to offer up some positive feedback ‘time and time and time again’….
        Wasn’t too clear.

      • Jo says:

        Oh bugger. Another error.
        Should read many a grim road has been wearily and miserably TROD.
        Oops. Pedantic I know. But I do like to get it right, if I can.
        Too many eagle – eyed wordsmiths ready to descend at a moment’s notice. Quake…….
        Please know. I am joking.

      • june says:

        Jo these people you know who have been successful on internet dating, how old were they, over 55 or under, just wondering as i think it more possible under than over. Also were the men in their city or some distance away . These two things i think have a bearing on whether you meet anyone. Yes i have heard of success stories, but the only success story i know of in a women over 55, is one where the man was very overweight and lived 40 odd miles away, she now spends every weekend travelling to his. Now he may be a very nice man, ive never met him, i dont know but i just dont want someone overweight,i just couldnt fancy them. I dont drive, i .like where i live,i dont want to spend half my life elsewhere. The friend of my age who lives not far from me, has been on websites for 6 years since her divorce and shes never been successful, odd dates, but nothing else. She also does not want someone overweight or living miles away. She says she feels very few eligible males for our age in our city. I do think that has some bearing on whether you meet anyone,Some may feel uprooting yourself ok, i dont, It took me a long time to move here,i dont want to leave, its a very nice place to live..

    • Steve H says:

      Jane. You are so spot on. I agree with every word

      “Picking up snippets on info ..on people you’ve never met…and basing your philosophy of live on these stories” .

      So, so right.

      It’s just bending every bit of gossip and reported fact towards our world view and ignoring that which doesn’t fit. Same happens in politics! And we all do it!

  • MissM says:

    So true, and I do so love a good rant. Obviously the chocolate and vodka did you no harm.

    Indeed it seems to be the ultimate pain that even if we somehow, against all the odds, managed to find one single man who is appealing to us, yet maybe not so appealing as to be snatched away by any of the other waiting fish, but someone we could actually fall for, we then are presented with the worst obstacle of all: to have him then fall for us and want to be with us in return. Seriously, it couldn’t get any harder. Never mind the twenty year old graduate from GobShite Tech with a third in Toenail Art, even I would have more chance of becoming the right-hand woman of Alan Sugar.

  • Steve says:

    Yep, Plankton, you’ve got it – we are all like that. We’re all the same. Misogynistic, commitment phobic, control freaks. Who told you??

    But wait! What about the ones you speak of; the nice ones that are keen on you? Oh, you don’t want us. Why? Because descriptions like committed, honest, reliable, consistent all scream one word; dull. And what you really want is a rogue, someone who is wild and spontaneous and exciting, whom you crave and desire because you can’t have.

    And then you wonder why the spontaneous and exciting guy doesn’t call and the honest, reliable (dull) ones do? Because we are honest and reliable! Because we call when we say we will! We open car doors, we pick up the bill, we are courteous and kind. And that just isn’t exciting enough is it?

    And, if you ever do get a wild man tamed and ready to settle down – what do you girls say? ‘You’re not exciting any more – you’ve changed – you’re not the guy I fell in love with”

    And all the while the decent guys sit on the outside, with our faces pressed up against the glass, hoping that we might get invited to the party, but we’re just not exciting enough. Men fall into two categories; honest or exciting, reliable or spontaneous, consistent or a rogue – you can’t have it both ways.

    Decent men are extinct you say? Well, I fear that what you mean is that wild, reliable, exciting, honest, spontaneous and committed men are extinct. And there were never any of those to begin with.

    • The Plankton says:

      You know what, Steve? What you say is more than fair enough but today I felt like seeing it only from my miserable point of view and I felt like a rant. But I do totally take your point, I promise! px

    • Twinkletoes says:

      Steve, I will take honest and reliable anyday. But how do I meet him? I seem to only get the rogues, who don’t interest me in the slightest.

    • AJ says:

      Steve, you are absolutely right, I for one, would take honest and reliable any day over wild, exciting, roguish or whatever adjectives anyone cares to list (I don’t want to have a broken heart thanks very much).. But can I have attractive and funny in there too?

      I know good, decent, funny, attractive men are out there, some are married to friends of mine, lucky them.. but can I find one for me? No way Josĕ..

    • Lydia says:

      Well I’ve been accused on line of being a man before now. I’m not sure why – I probably have reasonably high testosterone levels (no beard by the way, though) and like money, power, success, work and everyone to whom I hvae ever been close has been male. I have never had a close female friends. Now that seems to be the opposite of all these lovey dovey criticise men to my close coterie of girl friend groups you get on here and elsewhere. Anyway that’s by the way. I also actually prefer men who are closer to women than men and it’s perhaps not surprising that a good few men I’ve been close to have been the same the other way – they prefer women to men for close relationships in their lives. I love men like that, the ones who love women mmmm

      So for me a man is a thing that is wonderful and a woman is a thing that is not that much use to me, probably moans all the time so is a drain not a radiator and who doesn’t even have a male appendage.

      So i come at this from a totally different perspective (excuse unintentional pun)…

      As Steve says there are lots of good men. I met a lovely one this week although I didn’t on this occasion find him attractive and he lives too far away but they are out there. It’s fine.

      Also gosh it’s just as bad the other way around. Go and speak to some men or read their comments. They have bad experiences with women too. Men don’t have a monopoly on deranged behaviour. My family are mostly psychhiatrists and I love all this stuff but I certainly want a sane partner/spouse.

      I don’t see things simply. I don’t think there are just ugly dull sensible men no one wants and good looking exciting unreliable men who only want to get you into bed. Yes there are men in both categories but there are also the other categories of people of both sexes, people whom you can find attractive and may well want to settle down.

      Keep looking. Each day can be loads of fun in this process. Sex and attraction keeps the human race going,literally so it’s not surprising the evolution or God made it one of the most fun things we do. Lucky us. I just don’t see that joy on here and I suspect whatever our sex we would love to see a joy in our other half and that if she or he smiles even that immediately increases attractiveness as long as it’s genuine smile.

      • Fi says:

        Hi Lydia. It was me that thought you were a bloke because you seem to communicate and think like a bloke as opposed to a woman. If you have no, and haven’t ever had, close female friends that presumably explains it?

  • Jamie says:

    Isn’t the issue essentially that the ball is on the other foot? When I was 25, no woman would look at me because I was not tall enough, not enough of a bastard and they preferred to play the field. The ratios were all in their favour. Now I am single and solvent at 50, it is a breeze. I am not committing to anyone right now because I need perspective on why my 20 year marriage failed and an understanding of why I am attracted to particular types of women. I get plenty of suitable women queueing up to meet me through a good dating website and I am clear with all of them that I am not ready to commit. I certainly don’t want anyone of child bearing age and don’t mind some saggy bits in return for them putting up with me being a stone overweight!

    If I start writing a blog about my experiences and how it feels to be a man in this situation would any of you read it? Not sure I could match up to P’s turn of phrase though!

  • anniebub says:

    Ah men! Aaaagh. xx

  • MissBates says:

    Nothing like a good rant to clear one’s head.

  • rosie says:

    Steve, I don’t think Plankton is saying she swats away ‘decent’ men like so many flies, she’s saying there aren’t any. Yes, there was Smidgen but he sounds like he’d need to be hit over the head with a cast-iron frying pan before making a move – despite P’s myriad spinnings – and who needs that. But that’s a grand total of ONE!

    I speak as someone who, for want of a better term, has been putting herself about for years and who is ready and willing, nay, desperate to meet a decent man. But can I find one? Can I fuck. And before anyone tells me to stop whining and go on the internet, I did that until I was blue in the face and the thought of doing it again makes me feel physically ill. But that’s just me.

  • ex-pond-slime says:

    “This is the reality. No men to speak of. No men. No men.” It is not reality, it is the miserable mess inside your head.

    How can you be so dismissive of the men who post on this site? What about Steve, and Plumgrape, and Dan, and Joe and all the rest? What about dear Scott, the only poster brave and innocent enough not to hide behind a fake persona (or clever enough to construct a brilliant one)? How can they deserve such bile?

    You say ” this is what plankton are up against. Men with out of control fantasies for whom real women are such a disappointing blow that they actively hate us.” I’m sure that there are such men, though I am pleased to say I’ve met very few (more of them when I was dating, I agree, but still very few).

    I could say ” this is what single men are up against. Women with out of control fantasies for whom real men are such a disappointing blow that they actively hate them.” I hadn’t met many of those women either, but when you rant like you did today, Plankton, it seems a pretty good description of you.

    Sorry to be harsh. I know you are down. But really, listen to yourself.

    • The Plankton says:

      Don’t get me wrong. I love men, otherwise I wouldn’t want to be with one! Only all the nicest ones seem to be my male friends who are spoken for! I don’t have quite such a dim view of men as my rant today implies. I just fancied getting some beef off my chest, if that is the right expression, as that is how I felt this morning and if I can’t say how I feel in the blog of my own creating, then where can I? Px Ps. Nothing but respect for the men who read this blog. Am just amazed that day after day they can hack my bollocksing on like the frightful old wind bag that I am!

      • Jamie says:

        Ah, but I reckon those happily married men who appear so attractive would be quite different if they were single – you would see them warts and all, for better and for worse. As their wives would no doubt tell you.

      • ex-pond-slime says:

        Fair point Plankton, it is your blog, so say what you like that will make you feel better.

        But does it make you feel better?

        If there are nice available men, and you can’t get one, could it be that your bitter thoughts are leaking out and spoiling your chances?

        If there really aren’t any men (not so!), wouldn’t it be better to simply accept it, and turn your eloquence to fixing something that can be fixed?

      • The Plankton says:

        Almost certainly. But I am liking writing this blog. I write for a living but I am not getting paid a bean for this, so I must be enjoying it. It’s cathartic, for sure, but with any luck it amuses (and even helps?) others, even if it enrages some sometimes too? Px

  • Steve 2 says:

    After several months of silently reading and absorbing this mostly amusing blog I finally feel the need to speak up for the male of the species.
    I agree with Steve, yes there are aload of misogynistic, commitment phobic, control freak men out there, but what about the rest of us.
    I ended up single a while back, but I am none of those things. I love women, but only wanted one. You know, the special one, the one I could spend the rest of my life with.
    Guess what, most women really aren’t interested in the worthy, reliable, committed and honest men. You all want the exciting ones, the bad boys, the ones you can huddle together and drool over.
    I chose to learn something of what women really want; that the personality types women are attracted to are not what they really want in the long term. The bad boys just bugger off into the distance on their motorbikes leaving a trail of broken hearts in their wakes.
    After months of not finding anyone to meet and get to know I chose the internet to find a partner. In the process I had to exagerate elements of my personality that exist but are normally less visible. Just to get any of you 40 somethings to wake up and pay attention. Being solvent, a home owner, employed, 6ft tall and about the right weight, my own teeth and a full head of hair got me no-where. The Internet dulls the message, it takes away the non-verbal element of communication that women especially find so important.
    The whole thing took on the nature of a project, and it took effort, lots of it. Frankly on most sites I went to, women lie as much as men. Keeping up with the messages and emails is a full time job. But it can work.
    it did work. I am now with a wonderful ex-plankton and we will be married.

    Plankton, overcome your prejudices, spend a little cash, forget the crap sites that offer the world for no effort, you get out of it what you are prepared to put in. What other area of your life would you leave to pure chance? I used Parship, try it.

    But remember most men haven’t the wit to understand that women want the bad boy/ adventurer types to get them interersted but really want Mr Honest and reliable after the first six months. And nether do the women.
    LS was a waste of time and effort even you knew that. A bad boy type you could fancy but would never settle down.

    Get on the Internet but put some effort in!

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you, Steve 2. Let’s hope there are more of your type about somewhere…? Px

    • Jane says:

      Hurrah! a voice of reason from that most reviled specimen…a man, A successful internet dating story into the bargain! I knew you were out there somewhere, lovely to read your comment Steve!

    • AJ says:

      Steve 2, if you have any single friends, please pass them my way!!!..

      • Steve 2 says:

        AJ,
        I have several single male friends, sadly at least two of them are so scarred from the experiences of having been uncerimoniously dumped for younger more exciting models they have sworn off women.
        One of them has now been single for too long and my be beyond redemption. However I will get him back into the market one day. The other sadly too recently divorced. As Ms Plankton says, one day they will come on to the market and be snapped up quickly. It is sometimes just timing.

    • Jo says:

      Oh dear Steve 2. I could kiss you! But your wife-to-be would probably and understandably come at me blazing. No, I could kiss you because you write exactly what I have been trying to describe re: internet dating so many times here. Only your narrative is much much better than my efforts. There it is. In a nutshell. Thank you and well done. On all counts.

    • ToneDeafSinger says:

      Hi Steve 2 I’d love to know what elements of your personality you had to exaggerate! You are quite right, I have signed up with a dating website (a paid for one) and I am getting nowhere. I send out e-mails and winks and no-one even bothers to reply. My profile is 100% truthful… I suppose men must assume that women lie on their profiles so they assume I, too, have massaged the truth…
      But, you know, I must be the unluckiest plankton in the world because many years ago I chose a man specifically because he was NOT the bad boy type… he seemed reliable, dependable, affectionate, not the party animal… But after we got married he revealed his true colours… but that’s another story.

  • MissBates says:

    Motorbikes? LOL! Gentlemen, I think all of us here are LONG past the stage where such toys dazzled us.

    Bottom line: Not looking for handsome & rich, but no matter how kind & decent & solvent you are, if you’ve got halitosis & dandruff & a paunch & a collection of Star Wars figures still in their original wrapping, I don’t want to f*ck you. (Yes, that’s right, even if you have a motorbike. In fact, especially if you have a motorbike, which I would have found very naff even when I was 18.) And that’s my choice. I accept it. I blame no one but myself. But that doesn’t mean I have to be cheerful about it, or that I can’t lament (on a blog that is, after all, devoted to the very topic), that there are no available, passably-attractive, well-groomed, well-read, sophisticated, age-appropriate men who want to f*ck ME.

  • Sarah says:

    What you have to do is write an internet dating site profile that filters out the dross because they can’t understand a word you’ve written. Clever humour works, obscure info also works – stuff that attracts the intellectual guy.

    It can be highly entertaining writing something that is really weird and then seeing who bites. When I wrote mine for Match/Meetic, a girl friend told me I came across as quite frightening. That’ll do, thought I. The result was I met my super brainy totally original dearly beloved who liked my photo. 🙂

    Yes, there are loads of dead loss men out there, but to be honest, there are also a load of bitchy, bitter, gold-digging, desperate, superficial, women out there too. It’s no better from a man’s perspective. Go onto a men’s forum and you’ll see the cry “Where are all the good women?!”.

    • MissBates says:

      Sarah, Agreed that there are plenty of dreadful women out there, too. However, I think men do have it “easier,” simply in the sense that they can and do draw from a wider age range.

  • Liz says:

    I went out with a man in his mid-forties a year ago after being a bit persistent with him that we should hang out. It was a red flag that I had to pursue him and another red flag that he was on all the dating sites looking for women a minimum of ten years younger than him. Yet we had a ton in common and really hit it off. Went on several great dates in which a lot of personal, heartfelt stories were revealed, and then I made the mistake of getting in bed with him after spending an entire day getting dolled up. He couldn’t perform very well, but I didn’t think much of it, until he told me right afterwards that we weren’t compatible because he preferred women who were “groomed” down there. As in, he watches a lot of porn and dates younger women and was completely turned off by pubic hair. Well! Never heard from him again, either.

    As I’ve said in earlier comments, I’ve given up on the idea of finding someone, so much so that it irritates me when someone distracts me from my life only to turn out to be another non-serious suitor. I dragged myself out the other night to an event in order to see friends and made myself circulate around the room once before leaving. Unbelievably, I was chatted up by an attractive, worldly, amiable man who I exchanged cards with before leaving. I was almost annoyed… as in, I didn’t want to be blown off course once again by another non-starter. Two days later I emailed him a question about a place he recommended, and he responded straightaway with an answer, and then… crickets. Now I’m angry at myself for believing in Santa Claus again.

    • Yoga Gurl says:

      Liz I am sorry this happened to you. I would think the first guy, after having a wonderful time with him and connecting and all, he could simply ask that you groom yourself for the thrill of it. It’s a shame he didn’t give you a chance there and very dumb he turned down a woman he connected with in a fun and intimate way in other ways. What was he thinking?

      Just the fact that he put the kabash on it all because of the grooming issue, makes me think he isn’t very mature or deep.

      I am sorry. What an experience.

    • MissM says:

      This is another example of why I actually think men are the overly fussy ones. You two had a ton in common and really hit it off, and he was happy to go to bed with you, but apparently all that was not good enough since in the end he was put off by pubic hair! As Yoga Gurl said, all he would have needed to do was make a suggestion on tending to it, but no, the whole potential relationship has to be scrapped. If that is not too fussy I don’t know what is.

      Poor you Liz, you have my sympathy.

  • EmGee says:

    Bearing in mind that Ms P is writing purely from her “miserable point of view and [I] felt like a rant”, I think these kinds of personalities apply to both sexes and in equal measure; hence the ‘selfish b*tch’ grabbing up and then tossing off the bones of all the available men, the woman who is trim, fit, good looking and/or young for her age (and if you don’t believe it ask her), etc.

    The trouble is, is that even though we (and I mean every single one of us, male and female) knows there is something wrong with our thinking when it comes to relationships, it is part of human nature to blame outside forces for our problems.

    It isn’t about compromise, lowering expectations, being dismissive, or any of that, because that only places the blame back on those external things, not ourselves. Perhaps a little introspection then, might make the foibles and imperfections of others a little more understandable, a little more tolerable. We’re none of us terminally unique, after all.

  • june says:

    Plankton its your blog, rant all you like, sometimes it does you good, and this is the place for it, with fellow planktons who should understand. Some i feel are not being understanding to you, they know what its like and how damm hard it is.

    Internet dating sucks, especially for the more mature women, as ive said before its possible you are still young enough to meet someone on it, but as you seem to be a discerning woman i doubt it. For women over 55 i think impossible, we are supposed to be so desperate we should accept someone who looks like quasimodo and weighs 20 stone, or have one foot in grave , even if we havent!. We should be grateful anyone wants us. and if we wont accept them, we are told, at our age we shouldnt be so choosey,thats why we are alone. If they dont say it you know that is what people are thinking..

    Ive just had to block 2 people on facebook, god knows why i ever accepted them as friends,i worked with them years ago, but never liked them much, havent seen them for years. I have mentioned on there sometimes how i feel about being alone. They told me im too outspoken so i blocked them, I then get messages, very unpleasant, send through mutual contacts,saying im alone as i am not a nice person,i never was, i look every bit of my age, i am mutton dressed as lamb and i am a bitter and twisted old woman! It was very upsetting,but although my real friends have told me to ignore it, it does make you start thinking, is it me, perhaps im not a nice person, is that why i am alone, everyone else manages to find someone But of course they dont,hence your blog plankton, so keep it coming, i for one will not be critical.

    • Jo says:

      Oh bloody hell. Not again…Or is this groundhog day?
      Here it is. AGAIN. The generalised ‘internet dating sucks’…….. stuff. AGAIN.
      Plus a repeat of the belief that only those women who are not ‘discerning’ will possibly meet someone online. To add to the belief in past posts that those women who succeed also have ‘low standards’ and are ‘not discriminating’…
      Hell’s teeth.
      Thank you again Steve 2 for your great comments about internet dating and indeed about men.
      I am sure your fiancee does not warrant the damning characteristics constantly and with boring BORING regularity expounded by said commentator.Attributed to those like her who have met someone through internet dating. Those like friends I know too. Not many, but enough. (All over 50. One over 60. )
      June. These constant put- downs of such women are narrow – minded. Ridiculously rude and totally unfair. They don’t bloody deserve such damning and insult.
      It’s now TEDIOUS.
      Before anyone shoots me. This is not an attack on June. But it is an attack on rigid narrow-minded insults and wholly unwarranted branding of- honourable, decent, intelligent, discerning, discriminating- plankton, with vile words, simply because they happen to have met someone online.

      • Jane says:

        Agree Jo and with your previous comment. :)))))) I am sure that smiley faces are on someones list of terribly crass things that would put me down in the crass, uneducated pleb category but I don’t actually care.

      • Fi says:

        Me too. Also with 🙂

      • Jo says:

        Oh thank you Jane and Fi. THANK YOU. x

      • Fi says:

        Maybe we should set up a support group to promote rationality? It could also help women to understand there’s more to life than defining oneself by whether they have a man or not? Wait…that sounds vaguely familiar….didn’t someone try that before?

    • MissM says:

      I have no understanding of people who feel the need to send others unpleasant messages. What on earth is that supposed to achieve? Those who need to be mean and nasty to others as a way of boosting their own self esteem cannot be confident and contented people, as the truly confident and contended people (as opposed to those who pretend they are) do not need to behave in this way. People who are successfully getting on with their life are doing just that rather than finding time to be cruel to others. It reflects badly on them, in my humble opinion.

  • Redbookish says:

    Wonderful blog entry as usual, Ms P. You pin point things so accurately.

    Your opening pars remind me of Germaine Greer’s statement: her surprised reporting of something a man said to her once” You women don’t realise how much men hate you.” It’s dangerous knowledge, and most of the time we manage to blank it out. But we live in a culture which fundamentally mistrusts — sometimes to the point of hatred — women and femininity.

    Hard truths, but pretty much truths.

    • Steve H says:

      I’ve loved this blog and have read it pretty much since the start having seen the first Times entry.

      It has been often been very funny and always thought provoking and has become a daily “must read”.

      However, if my first look at today’s bile filled entry had been my first ,it would also have been my last.

      Not even sure where to start. I’ve enjoyed your rants but this one bordered on misogyny.P I won’t say any more because I don’t think I’d stop, once started. But perhaps the reactions of my fellow Steve’s “hello chaps” as well as others might give pause for thought.

      PS Redbookish – Germaine Greer says something that’s a)controversial and b)anti men? At the risk of appearing sarcastic, “Go figure.”

      It would be easy judging by today’s entry and many of the comments to posite the complete opposite of Greer’s remarks, but that would be equally wrong.

      • MissM says:

        I think you want the word “misandry” which is the hatred of males in general, as opposed tot he term “misogyny” which is the hatred of females in general. If I were a misanthropist (alternatively a misanthrope) I would hate all of you, male and female.

    • june says:

      Some truth in that,i feel ,lots of men dont really like women, they want to have sex with them they do not actually like them, as people.

  • Jo says:

    So sorry to hear about your experiences Liz. Ghastly.
    Do forgive me for being an eejit. But….what’s ‘crickets’?
    (In this context I mean.).

  • Caz says:

    …………..”And you will yourself to think thoughts of sex with him because he is there and, as I say, kind and interesting and good enough, but the thought of getting naked with him would be like picking up a spider, or letting a snake slither round your neck or having a juddering pigeon flapping its windy wings right by your ear. And you don’t know why this is, and it feels so unfair…………”
    omg Plankton – this is pure genius….you ARE talking to me! – having never been in this situation before how the hell do I deal with it?? This poor guy ticks so many boxes; good-looking, kind, considerate, wants to see me loads, interesting (tho a trifle boring) conversation….would happily be with me for ever – even quite g.i.b….but just doesn’t do it for me.
    So, so sad ….don’t know what to do ……..

    • T Lover says:

      Advice? No just an embittered prediction.

      You are the lady that pushed her chest out and told the world you had a “stable” ie more than one man on the go.

      Then, in a later comment, you said you had a nice kind feller (“N and K”) and (your words) a “fuck buddy” (“FB”) to do the business.

      Now I have no hang ups about girls who screw any number of men. The crew of the Ark Royal? Your affair. No skin off my nose if you are cremated in a Y shaped coffin.

      Here, however, is the prediction. N and K will find out about FB and be very hurt. He will see you in a different light and will never trust you again.

      Hopefully (for him) he will move on and leave you on your own.

      Hopefully (for him) he will find someone he can trust.

      In the meantime FB will tire of you, Pinky and Perky will start travelling south, he just wants sex. Maybe a more acrobatic performer will come his way.

      The unhappy ending. You will have nobody. The silver lining. N and K will find a nice woman and live happily ever after.

      • zoe says:

        Crikey, T Lover. Have you any idea how woman-hating your remarks come across?

        “No skin off my nose if you are cremated in a Y shaped coffin”. Make no mistake, this kind of snide sexually aggressive terminology comes from the same mindset as the use of “tart/whore/slag/slut” to condemn and control female sexual activity (where, of course, there is no equivalent terminology for the male).

        How very apt that your comment should appear after P’s post which despairs of the sorry continuance in the male psyche of the madonna/whore distinction.

        I realise your point is to disapprove of dishonesty and double-dealing, but you do all women – and yourself – a disservice by expressing it in such a baiting, sexually hostile way.

      • T Lover says:

        Zoe,

        No I had not looked at it from that point of view, the exact opposite.

        If a woman wants to have sex with more than one man (at a time, in sequence or separated by time) that is her business.

        Genetic pre-disposition aside, it is hypocritical of a man/men to expect a woman to be chaste but the opposite themselves.

        What I can’t bear – you have the point but I repeat – is the man or woman who behaves selfishly to the inevitable hurt of another being, or worse still their own family.

        My acerbic turn of phrase was pointed at “Caz” in particular rather than women in general and the use of the words you gave as examples (slut, whore, tart and slag) would not have been appropriate.

        I was trying to say she, “Caz” can have as much sex as she likes but please do not hurt anyone else.

  • Peter Nis says:

    Men are so horrible – all of them.
    Since they won’t have sex with you they must be daft.

  • maria says:

    So P, I see you have come to the same conclusion I did many years ago, it’s better to be alone than with one of those f*cks!

  • Fi0na says:

    They do exist. I lived with one post-marriage for three years. I was ‘lucky’ enough to be his madonna after his years of whoring. But then .. quite soon..he didn’t want me in *that* way he just carried on with his original hareem of willing participants. It was truly a shock. And he is a tall handsome successful man who would tell people he was looking for “the one”.

    • Penny says:

      Hi Fiona

      A cue to say men never change do they? Your guy will never change he will do the same to someone else. He tries to convince himself by telling everyone he is looking for the “one”, but isnt really. Your best off without, but it must have been awful for you. I’m so sorry.

      • Fi0ns says:

        There is an irony in this post though in that women do there own version of whores and madonnas. The f*cks and the nice ones who are just unfanciable. There are still great lovable honest men out there and women who ‘don’t change’ too

  • Caz says:

    Dear T-lover – thankyou for your comments. I am so flattered to be called a girl!
    You really do need to lighten up a bit – after being married for 20+ yrs from a young age what is wrong with a bit of fun? who needs to be tied down for the future. If I have nobody in the long term that’s fine by me….it continues to intrigue me that so many people, women and men, on this site think they need someone to define their happiness.

    • MissM says:

      If T Lover is right about you having FB behind N and K’s back, then it is not just a bit of fun, it is behaviour that completely disregards the feelings of someone else, and I cannot condone that behaviour. If you were up front with N and K about your “fun” then I have no problem. Most of us, male or female, regard honesty as something we look for in a partner. I would say let N and K down before he finds out and is scarred enough to distrust all women in future, and let some other woman who will fancy him have him.

    • T Lover says:

      Caz,

      Lighten up?

      The way I would like to live, one man one woman, till death us do part and all that is obviously a bit heavy for you.

      I mean it when I say I don’t care what people get up to and if by lightening up you mean you are a bi-sexual swinger and I ought to stop frowning you are wrong I have no axe to grind about anything consenting adults get up to in their private lives. Feel free. Be my guest.

      What does get up my funnel is the thought that the nice guy dotes on you, is not a consenting adult because he does not know about your fuck buddy, friend with benefits or whatever silly euphemism you want use and he is going to be bloody well hurt if and when he finds out and you will be the cause.

      And you have no right to do it to him on the pretext it is a “bit of fun”. At the expense of someone who is going to get hurt? Bit of fun to do that to someone?

  • zoe says:

    T Lover,

    You have reiterated your point, while failing to address mine.

    The issue is precisely in your “ascerbic” turn of phrase.

    You can’t possibly hope to convey the message that women have the right to do what they want sexually, if the language you use to describe that sexual behaviour is derogatory, demeaning, degrading and disapproving.

    Surely you can see that?

  • The Plankton says:

    Sorry, Caz, Just seen your later post. Apologies. Px

  • Caz says:

    ….no worries! – thankyou x

  • deti says:

    Fascinating. Plankton, I think you are a plankton because of this attitude:

    “Or you get the occasional nice enough one who is really keen on you (once in a blue fucking moon) and you try your best to think yourself with him and you say to yourself, he’d be a kind enough fellow to go to the movies with and have pasta, interesting and mild. And you will yourself to think thoughts of sex with him because he is there and, as I say, kind and interesting and good enough, but the thought of getting naked with him would be like picking up a spider, or letting a snake slither round your neck or having a juddering pigeon flapping its windy wings right by your ear. And you don’t know why this is, and it feels so unfair because he’s so nice and because he’s so there, but you just can’t get yourself to relish the very concept of his bare skin and bits coming into contact with and indeed searching their way across and into yours.”

    It’s little wonder why you and many like you are single and “can’t find a man”. This is just the British version of the American wail “Where are all the good men?” We’re out here. You just don’t want us because to you, we’re spiders and snakes.

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