Tonight’s Not the Night

December 17, 2011 § 19 Comments

I am mentally preparing to schlep off in my car for this party tonight, rather uncharitably dreading the whole thing, the journey more than anything else.  But if I dread it, then it can only be better than hellish, no?  And as my friend T assured me this morning, the more you dread something, the more likely something is to happen…  I am not sure I go along with that logic.  In fact, I most definitely don’t, but I will go along, don’t ask me why.  Perhaps only because I should and it might be fun.  Much prefer to be by my fire cosying up with my children but that is no way to find them a step-father unless I stay sitting by it until 24th and make eyes at Father Christmas as he makes his way down my chimney arse first but, knowing my luck, even he is a mixed-message-y SFAR and on some kind of spectrum (he’d have to be to do the job he does) and won’t have time to share a mince pie with me or a nip of brandy, not that even getting them wholly plastered is any guarantee of success (cf. the evening that Smidgen came round).

The married man friend who asked me about my sex life a few nights ago told me this morning at a big do that he had seen LS at a big do a few days ago but didn’t talk to him.  Listening to LS speaking publicly, my friend had come away with the impression that he was something of a solipsist though he wished he had spoken to him to gain a more just idea of the man and been able more fairly to judge him as a potential for me.  All in all he felt, Could Do Better.  Could Do At All would be nice.

But anyway I am not thinking about LS.  Of course not, although he is in the country and I have a solitary, traffic-y car journey ahead.

No, I am thinking about tonight and its myriad lack of possibility.

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§ 19 Responses to Tonight’s Not the Night

  • Sarah says:

    Put something nice on the radio whether it’s an audio book, Radio 4 or music and concentrate on something pleasant instead of a hopeless case.

    Hope you enjoy yourself tonight, available eligible man or no eligible man present.

  • Chris says:

    Ah,……LS….just can’t get that boy outa yer mind, eh ? You got it bad girl, like it or not.

  • ToneDeafSinger says:

    I’m also going to a party tonight where there isn’t the slightest chance of meeting a man… the woman having the party has included me in her guest list for a few years, I have always enjoyed the parties but never the slightest chance of a man… What’s more she asks people to bring food and I have offered to make this rather complicated and expensive dish… Salmon, prawn and potato salad with creamy dill sauce… it’s a recipe I cut out of Hello! magazine ages ago and kept… Oh well… 😀

  • Fi says:

    A step father???? Bloody hell. A lover is a realistic hope but a man who wants to parent your children, and can, that your children also want to live with? Chances are very slim to none. Just concentrate on finding a lover and don’t set up any more criteria than you’ve already got in place. I might be wrong but think you’re so unrealistic that you’re expectations will never be met. Especially by LS who obviously lives the life he wants to and has chosen. I’m sure if he wanted kids he’d have had them already.

  • Lydia says:

    I wouldn’t suggest you’re putting the children first by findnig them a step father. 60% of second marriages with chidlren fail and the best gift I’ve given mine post divorce is not moving a new man in. If you did they would probably hate him and it coudl destroy their lives and take you away from them. If you get a new man it will be for you and it will probably be more of a selfish act which damages the chidlren than some gift to them.

    Why would they want an interloper in their home with different views and probably some awful step children running along with him?

    • The Plankton says:

      cf. my reply to Fi. Px

    • MissM says:

      Your children are your children for life it is true, but they are not meant to live with you for life and take the place of a life partner. I have seen what can happen to women who decide to avoid a partner purely to keep from upsetting the children, it ends with mother being left alone when the children move on in life and find partners of their own. Said mother is then seen either clinging desperately to her children or trying to live a vicarious existence through them, which seems to result in everyone being unhappy. Clearly it does not occur with all people, but I have actually seen this happen, and it is far from being considerate to the children to sacrifice the mother’s own needs to such an extent. Children get a minor upset when mother brings a new man into her life, but unless he turns out to be a child beater, it is a lesson on life and adaptation and not something that is damaging. It is better that they live with examples of the sort of compromise and conflict resolution strategies required by people to live as a couple, than have a person who has deliberately put aside her own needs entirely in order to pander to theirs.

      • Fi says:

        You can have a lover. And a lover may turn into a husband. Or you may decide not to bother till the kids are older and are adults as I have done. I’m with lydia on this one for the reasons she gave and bringing into my first child’s life the future father of my second child, didn’t work, primarily because of the nature of the relationship between them. Now they’re grown ups though, and I’ve fulfilled my parental responsibility towards them, its time for me. And by choosing to have kids I had to put their needs ahead of my own, as that’s what I believe you sign up to when you become a mother. (I said needs not wants there). However, its now my time and I can do what I want as they’re grown up and happy.

      • Lydia says:

        I was playing devil’s advocate obviously but the piont stands that finding a new man is not going to be something most children look on with much enthusiasm./ He is not their father whom they probably want and he will have different views and standards and he will take their mother’s time and unless he’s rich or the sort of person who will sit down with them and spend hours helping with homework (as a few do) then they are not likely to get much out of it. It is a second trauma for them and as 60% of those second marriage fail they will end up hurt all over again.

        Despite that I have not actively chosen not to remarry and if I found the right person that might work fine although you don’t have to move them in right away anyway.

      • maria says:

        MissM, you’re so right.

  • MissBates says:

    ” . . . myriad lack of possibility.” Brilliant phrase, that. Making a foray into the social void myself tonight, and finding it difficult even to pretend to care what I wear.

  • Margaux says:

    So my Xmas frolics began with a splendid night in the company of 2 dear gay friends who threw a festive banquet for the Final of Strictly Come Dancing. Just the 3 of us – many laughs and much booing & cheering at the telly. Thoroughly enjoyed the evening. Where would a Plankton be without her gay friends?

    Hope you had fun, P, however the evening turned out …

  • lianankat says:

    Why so negative?

    It’s like you are waiting for Prince Charming to come and sweep you off your feet! Just get out there and make new friends. Step outside your usual circle of friends. Stop playing that ‘middle’ age card. You need a good shake up! Be grateful for what you have. Even the name of your blog is totally ‘self-depreciating’. If you do find a new lover – don’t forget you will also have to deal with a whole new set of ‘his baggage’. Enjoy your moments of singleness… every single women I know is in search of a ‘boyfriend’ for fear of ending up alone or not fitting into society. I don’t know the solution – simply :

    If you are looking for the love of you life, STOP; They will be waiting for you when you start doing the things you LOVE.

    LS sounds a complete waste of time – move on.

  • Lydia says:

    What strikes me most is how very very very much time these plankton have. My life is loads of children and much much more work and not a single party over Christmas because I am supporting us all.

    I’m not complaining as I chose to have my children and I am happy to support us all and I’m lucky to have work I love, but I do think you all have absolutely oceans of things to be thankful for that not all of us have.

    Mind you may be you have the right idea – work less and find man to keep you and put all effort into that. May be that’s what women do and perhaps they do better for it as a life plan those those us who have paid out to our men on a divorce?

    Agree with Hanankat though, do something different. if the current means of meeting men doesn’t work because it’s people yiou’ve known for years then you need to fish in other waters. You don’t sit with your rod in the place where there are no fish. You need a different happy hunting ground like internet dating or some place men hang out – join a Hadron Collider appreciation society or I was in touch with one man who spent the weekends with steam trains (mind you he didn’t exactly manage to draw me in to the steam train world).

    No time for men today as work so busy. Nice one who has a partner – nice emails but I don’t go there. I want my reward from the Mother’s Union for rejecting so many married men. One who is just messing around so I despatched him. One who seems busy with family issues and isn’t putting enough effort into it but I like so I’ll bide my time. ex boyfriend hasn’t replied which is just as well. 3 or 4 others not suitable. that is one day when I’ve not had much time for it. I just think if the plankton tried internet dating you might have many more chances to meet men you’d never meet than this hoping someone in the social circle will come up trumps.

  • rosie says:

    Lydia, for someone who’s so sold on the idea of internet dating you make it sound absolutely hideous. If rejecting steam train aficionados and married men by the bucketload is your idea of fun then I feel for you. Unless you really are just a figment of someone’s imagination, in which case I don’t know whether to congratulate you or advise you to see a doctor.

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