Tonight’s Not the Night
December 17, 2011 § 19 Comments
I am mentally preparing to schlep off in my car for this party tonight, rather uncharitably dreading the whole thing, the journey more than anything else. But if I dread it, then it can only be better than hellish, no? And as my friend T assured me this morning, the more you dread something, the more likely something is to happen… I am not sure I go along with that logic. In fact, I most definitely don’t, but I will go along, don’t ask me why. Perhaps only because I should and it might be fun. Much prefer to be by my fire cosying up with my children but that is no way to find them a step-father unless I stay sitting by it until 24th and make eyes at Father Christmas as he makes his way down my chimney arse first but, knowing my luck, even he is a mixed-message-y SFAR and on some kind of spectrum (he’d have to be to do the job he does) and won’t have time to share a mince pie with me or a nip of brandy, not that even getting them wholly plastered is any guarantee of success (cf. the evening that Smidgen came round).
The married man friend who asked me about my sex life a few nights ago told me this morning at a big do that he had seen LS at a big do a few days ago but didn’t talk to him. Listening to LS speaking publicly, my friend had come away with the impression that he was something of a solipsist though he wished he had spoken to him to gain a more just idea of the man and been able more fairly to judge him as a potential for me. All in all he felt, Could Do Better. Could Do At All would be nice.
But anyway I am not thinking about LS. Of course not, although he is in the country and I have a solitary, traffic-y car journey ahead.
No, I am thinking about tonight and its myriad lack of possibility.