Rebound Rant

December 28, 2011 § 136 Comments

[Little Preface before the Rant begins: you will note something new to the blog below, namely, in its midst, a link!  I am very excited because a younger and savvier and generally cleverer and more beautiful member of my family taught me how to do this only yesterday.  Gorgeous happily married person that she is!  Hoorah!  I am a techie slow-coach to be sure but I am happily learning, and there will doubtless be more larky links to come).

So, anyway, the Rant begins:

I have a good friend who found herself with someone just three months after she and her husband separated.  It was some years ago now and she and her “new” partner are still happily together, so anyone who might have had dubious cause to make poncy and disapproving whispers of “rebound” can bog right off.  Tra la!  This pair are fab.  He has supported her through thick and thin, or at the very least been there.  Wow!  That’s winning the goddamn lottery in my book.  If I had had… agh, forget it.  Anyway, they just gave a tremendous party together, with smoked salmon sandwiches and attendant yetis (his and hers and others besides), the drinks thing I went to before the dinner party where I met the man with the stewed rhubarb (I think I said Victoria plums originally, but on reflection have decided stewed rhubarb is more accurate a description) complexion.  I call giving a party together a pretty sure sign that things are a good deal more solid than shaky, bouncy, runty Rebound, no?  Quite so.  I’ve had it with Rebound.

Jesus, some of us could have done with a bit of it at the time.  I’d have given quite a lot for any bloody Rebound but during the supposed Rebound period, there came there Rebound none.  Anyway, how long is Rebound?  Some people seem really to be able to stretch my Rebound credulity.  One year in, people were saying to me, “Ooh, ahh, it’s way too soon, you shouldn’t be thinking about anyone new for a very long time yet.  Sort yourself out, get back on your own two feet [who’s feet do they suppose I was ever on but my own tragically be-bunioned versions?];  make sure you are happy in yourself [blearghh!], and only then should you start thinking of a new relationship!”  I grudgingly granted them their twelve months’ worth, because it seemed to make them happy, even if I did think they were full of shit.

Two years in: ditto.  Out they came with the same old chestnut.  But I could even allow them a couple of years; just with a tad more grudging and thinking them that much more full of shit.

Then three years in, this gem: “Never you worry.  It’s still early days…”

What can I say?  I lost my patience.

No, matey, early fucking days is when you are in a relationship and you fuck off with someone else.  That’s early fucking days.  Three years on your own is not early fucking days, it’s not even Rebound, no, it’s rusting old trampolene that has completely lost its spring and is in a broken heap on a skip, no Rebound about it, in fact the whole notion of Rebound and that specific trampolene are like some kind of perverted joke; it could rebound no more than an old tart’s twat.  And I am more than three years in since the shit hit the marital fan.   Lost count.  But I am way past Early Days, I can tell you.  Rebound’s back there with King Alfred and his sodding cakes, but Early Days ain’t much further on, Early Days is still no further on in fact than the Tudor period, cavorting with Henry V111, and some could even argue – when people jump ship before they’ve even officially jumped, if you get my meaning – Early Days are even behind Rebound in the grand scheme of things, and then ED are actually B bloody C.

I look at Mr and Mrs Party-Giving Rebounds and I think, Roll On Rebounds!  Good on them!  Huge admiration and respect for and joy to them.  Naysayers nemesis.  May they live happily ever after.  Would that I had found my own Rebound, but no such bloody luck.   I look at several couples who were a serious case of Early Days – they cheated on their first spouses –  and they are still ding dong merrily on fucking high.

I don’t give a fig for Rebound or Early Days.  They passed me by even though I was well up for either of them.  One or the other of them could have come up from behind and bound and gagged me and I would have given them a whirl.  But bearing in mind neither bothered, I won’t hold it against them, though that is not to say I wouldn’t be happy with Any Day Fucking Soon.

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§ 136 Responses to Rebound Rant

  • ToneDeafSinger says:

    I know Plankton, I know… I get it too, all the early days/happy in yourself/when you’re ready/when you least expect it… It’s just because people feel they should say something but really don’t what what to say and/or what they’re saying…
    I’ve just been on the three dating websites, e-mailed right left and centre… spotted one man whose profile I really like and who lives really near me… e-mailed him… but I’m not going to raise my hopes..

  • ToneDeafSinger says:

    P.S. I cannot see the link you mention!

  • Steve 2 says:

    Without wishing to encourage what I would call overlap in relationships(I firmly believe in monogamy), I would suggest that a bit of rebound is a wonderful curative for the soul. Engage in it as quickly as possible following the breakup of a relationship. It proves you have some worth, even if you then quickly doubt the merits of your chosen partner for the rebound. Keep them well away from children and existing circles of friends until you are convinced that it is not a genuine rebound.
    Sod that waiting until you’re over the breakup – for goodness sake that can take years. A rebound will help the recovery process. Work on the principle of around a month for every year of a relationship to “get over” it. But, ladies, once you are single you can loose your currency rather more quickly that you might like to think. A woman in a relationship, even a fling seems so much more alive than one who has waited a wee bit too long. Experiment a bit, especially if it’s been ten years or more since you last dated, your tastes will have matured perhaps? For those with a healthy appetite, maybe a couple of rebounds, with discression of course but keep in the game.

    • Lydia says:

      Even if someone isn’t perfect sometimes it’s just nice to have a boyfriend to remember about feeling sexy and having someone etc so I agree with Steve. No one on here is saying there are no single men or women around, simply that they have not found one who meets their standards or whom they find attractive.

      Date a fellow plankton for a bit, might even make a non plankton man jealous and think you’re desirable if Mr Plankton has you and lure you away. You might have to tolerate his beard though or talks about his railway collection.

      I just read the book Outliers and (although it’s very good) there was too much trainspotterish interest in air crashes. (The book is about success and what leads to it, not dating although you could follow some of its ideas).

    • ToneDeafSinger says:

      oh Steve 2, my currency is all spent then… I’ve got a few euros left in a drawer upstairs but they don’t work here… alas!!! 😉

    • Elle says:

      Steve2, thanks for your advice but I don’t think that many women here need to be reminded that we lose our currency very quickly once we’re single. I’ve been single for most of my 40 years.

      I have also been the rebound fling and shoulder to cry on countless times and have gotten hurt in the process. Yes, single women may be ten a penny but that’s no reason to treat us like Kleenex to mop up the rebound sniffles or other more beastly body fluids. Rebound flings have feelings!

      • Steve 2 says:

        I absloutly refute that anyone has ever spent all their currency, everyone has value and is to be cherished. My intent was to suggest that retreating into a shell is the least sucessful way of getting a mate if that is what you are looking to do.
        Elle, women are never ten a penny, I too have been rejected following a rebound but it made me reaise I liked being in a relationship so stuck with it, took a deep breath and tried again. Just don’t get too jaded, there are good men out there, somewhere.

  • ToneDeafSinger says:

    Oh, please ignore my last message. I have seen the link now. I thought it would be blue… I’m embarassing myself now!

  • Jonathan says:

    Try seven years alone…with no family….realising that you let someone who liked you get away in the early days…

  • Elle says:

    Good rant Plankton. Your friend has indeed won the lottery and if I were you I’d be so jealous that my face would be as green as the SFAR man’s face was red. “An old tart’s twat” had me in stitches but at least an old tart has seen some bouncing and rebounding unlike many of us here. OK, I exaggerate slightly, but I don’t remember what it’s like to bounce and rebound it’s been so long.

    Hope you win the lottery in 2012!

  • Lydia says:

    I was desperate to finish my divorce and fairly quickly after saw others as I wanted the divorce but not in a very serious way as I was not in a rush.
    I don’t see it as failure that more time on from my divorce than Plankon is I have not remarried. I’ve had boyfriends and am happy so why should it matter if I’ve got someone or not?

  • zoe says:

    OK. So this is my theory as to why it ends up being more of a rusty trampoline than a bouncy bungee: plankton are their own worst enemy.

    It used to be that women’s wealth, health and happiness depended on marrying a man of superior status. This encouraged girls to seek better educated, more intelligent, better-off men. My guess is that a significant portion of plankton dismay with available men is nothing more than a hangover from these patriarchal times. But here’s the rub. If you consider the educated and intelligent bunch that contribute to this blog – let alone P herself – that’s going to be a tough find. The more intelligent and educated and sorted you are, the harder it is to find someone even more intelligent, more educated and more sorted.

    But more sobering than that; even if all you ask for is that a man be equally educated, equally intelligent, equally solvent – and my guess is that most contributors here would claim to want something like that – it’s going to be really tough too. Why? Because men, not being in the grip of the same ideology, aren’t demanding this of their women. The average man is happy to find a woman he fancies, a woman he can have a good time with, and a woman who has sufficient emotional wherewithal to have a stable relationship with. He doesn’t much care if she has an inferior education or less money or even, within reason, less smarts – let alone give a monkey’s about how she manages her apostrophes or exclamation marks. And so it will be that he is quite likely to be snapped up – P’s narrow window of opportunity – by an “inferior” woman to those plankton of superior intelligence, education and sensibility.

    It’s a numbers game. And plankton are seriously handicapping themselves with outdated ideologically-informed “standards” as to what their ideal man is.

    I need someone I’m attracted to, but – like a man – I am open to having a relationship with someone younger than myself, less educated, and even -within reason – less intelligent. Frankly, I reckon I’m a pretty tough act for a man to follow 😉 and I’m not going to let that get in the way of having an intimate relationship with someone I like, trust and fancy.

    • AMJ says:

      Hear! Hear! Perfectly said.

    • ToneDeafSinger says:

      Well in the past, at least in Europe (including the UK I believe) it was not considered necessary to educate girls beyond housekeeping and “ladylike” skills (piano, French, embroidery…) simply because they were going to get married and stay at home – it was a waste of time and money to pay for their higher education… Some people even thought that educating girls might “give them ideas”, make them unsuitable for marriage… For a girl to work meant she would be automatically ineligible for the “best catch” young men. There were very few educated women, that’s why men married less educated ones! It’s different now of course – being educated gives you choices and discernment… why put up with mediocrity???

      • ToneDeafSinger says:

        P.S. sorry as usual I have forgotten something. I looked up discernment before typing it – so you don’t have to.

        Noun: The ability to judge well.
        Synonyms: discrimination – perspicacity – acumen – judgement

      • fi says:

        From my perspective I have to respect a man to want to go to bed with him. And I can’t respect him if he’s not as clever as me or can’t do the things I can as well (but preferably better) as me. I’m not saying I’m a spectacular human being, but that women on their own learn to do lots of things that blokes traditionally have done, and so I find that I can actually do a lot of things that blokes can’t do. Its probably a massive character failing on my part but on my recent joinery/plumbing/decorating course, stuffed full of men, I couldn’t help but think they were pretty pathetic that they were having to go on a course to learn for example how to bleed radiators (some of them didn’t know how!!) or hang wallpaper. And I find that the more I can cope on my own, the less I respect men who can’t do the things I can. I still like them as friends, but absolutely no way do I fancy them. My skills seem to have the opposite effect though as it seems to spur them on to chase me. But I do think in order to fancy a man he needs to demonstrate something he has that a woman doesn’t and in olden times that would be an education, or status, or money, or skills, but when we have all those things for ourselves anyway…or maybe that’s just me.

      • Elle says:

        Fi, surely there was ONE man on the DIY course that you fancied? I dom’t expect men to be able to do everything. Women should be capable too. I grew up on a farm and it was accepted that a woman should be able to do everything a man could. Many widows ran farms very successfully for years after the demise of their husbands.

    • MissM says:

      I agree with Zoe on the fancying being all we need really. For the record the only men I knock back are the ones I don’t fancy, mostly because they are just much older than me. Despite what I have said before on the importance of literacy, if by some miracle there was some absolutely gorgeous man who showed an interest, I am certain I would really not care one jot where his apostrophes went. I admit when someone is physically repellent, finding out he also cannot formulate a sentence makes for a better excuse to reject him. Rejecting on the basis of his appearance, even if it such that the mere idea of his touching me makes me want to run in the opposite direction screaming, sounds a tad shallow. But if I am truly honest I am as shallow as any man.

      Not that I want a particularly attractive person per se, but I do want someone who is attractive TO ME. (Sorry for caps, not shouting, just trying to go for emphasis.) I’ve said before I don’t necessarily mind if a man is overweight and balding, I can still find some men attractive when they are those things, but in no way does that mean all overweight and balding men are attractive. It does come down to something a little more personal and difficult to define. So a man someone else may think of as attractive could be plain hideous to me, and yet they may look at someone I quite like and think I have lost my mind.

      So for the sake of honesty, I am no longer going to hide behind the facade of claiming the men are not smart enough in an attempt to make me look discerning rather than just plain shallow. I will just admit that I’ve yet to find an available man I’d like to get physical with. My new criteria, I have only the one now, I must be able to fancy him.

  • MissBates says:

    Ah yes, losing one’s currency while single . . . this is of course true not just in the romantic arena, but also at the office, where to be single is to be the plankton-of-all-work, even when there are vastly junior (but married!) colleagues to whom the weekend/holiday assignments in question should be given. Whenever someone tries to point out that “oh, but so-and-so has kids so of course he wants to get away a bit early,” I always counter with, “well, yes, but MY personal life is just as important to me as so-and-so’s personal life is to him.” That usually stops them cold, because although they don’t believe anything of the kind (after all, what could MY plankton-ish life possibly hold that could be so important?), they can’t very well come out and say so.

    And as for the romantic arena — the longer you’re without someone, the less and less people think of you as suitable “couple” material and the more and more you feel like a spinster from Central Casting. (Miss Havisham, anyone? I could have stolen that role from Gillian Anderson!) It’s a vicious circle, and I would like to join Elle in reminding Steve2 (see above) that the subtitle to this whole blog is “life at the bottom of the sexual food chain.” Ergo, none of us need to be reminded that we are “loosing our currency rather more quickly than we might like to think.” To the contrary, I think we are all keenly aware that our “currency” is sinking faster than the death-spiraling Euro.

    • Ian Ironwood says:

      When you are responsible for the care of another human being who depends on you utterly, that’s a little different than “valuing your personal life”. The parents in your workplace have an active investment in the future of the planet, while you really don’t have any interest beyond your own meager lifespan.

      And you know, maybe if you weren’t so quick to dismiss the perfectly decent men in your lives because they aren’t exciting enough, then perhaps you wouldn’t be so lonely. And if you had actively conspired to make yourself an appealing mate in your youth and pursue an aggressive breeding strategy, then you wouldn’t be here in the first place. Just an opinion.

      But what do I know? I’ve been happily married for twenty years.

      • ToneDeafSinger says:

        what a hateful, spiteful comment. Be careful what you wish on other people Ian Ironwood, you never know when it may be visited upon you.

      • Elle says:

        You are so right Ian. What would you know when you’ve been happily (and smugly) married for 20 years? It may be the case that plankton women in the workplace have to go home and care for ill or elderly parents which is just as important as caring for children.

        If these women have been doing this since their youth they might not have the time to make themselves appealing and pursue an aggressive breeding strategy, as you so charmingly put it.

        Perhaps they spend their youth in a long relationship or marriage which ends at a time when the woman no longer feels at her nubile best. Maybe their lives don’t go according to plan. Life doesn’t run smoothly for everyone even if it has run relatively smoothly for you.

        You are extremely lucky to have been happily married for 20 years but it seems that you have been spoilt by your good fortune. Many people do not have your good fortune so don’t judge these people for not having children or not being happily married for 20 years.

        Thank the gods for your good fortune and look more kindly on those who haven’t been so lucky or whose best laid plans haven’t come to fruition.

      • Leftatforty says:

        Ugh! An smug married… What are you doing here then?

      • Jane says:

        I know I said I was ‘out of here’ a while back, but I thought I’d pop back….then read this and…after the coughing and spluttering and incredulous laughter…I just had to comment. Are you for real Ian? I’m surprised you have time to write on here, in between caring for your investment in the future of the planet and shining your halo. Do you work for a zoo or some highbrow biological establishment? can’t believe anyone else would use such weird terminology, do you make every aspect of your life sound so so clinical and so damned dull! married for 20 years? your wife deserves a medal! oh but she probably is too busy ‘making herself an appealing mate’ and ‘pursuing an aggressive breeding strategy’to pay any attention to the B.S that comes out of your mouth. Get over yourself Mr Smug!

      • MissBates says:

        Well, Ian, you seem like quite the asshole. My co-workers with children CHOSE to have them. I CHOSE not to. (Shock — I know! I never wanted to “breed” as you so eloquently put it.) I don’t impose the consequences of my personal choices on my co-workers, and I don’t want or need to suffer the consequences of theirs, either.

        And who said I had dismissed the “perfectly decent men” in my life “because they aren’t exciting enough?” Sounds like sour grapes to me, Ian, and I somehow doubt that you’ve been “happily married for twenty years.” Otherwise, why would you be trolling the internet commenting on a site that attracts primarily single women? Does your wife know you’re here? LOL!

      • Ian Ironwood says:

        FYI:

        1) I am happily married and have been for 20 years.

        2) It wasn’t “luck”, “fortune”, or the conspiracies of the gods that made that happen. It was hard work, tough decision making, and sacrifice. If you aren’t up to hard work, making tough decisions, and sacrificing for it, then don’t expect to be happily married after 20 years.

        3) My wife is at the top of her career field, wins international awards, and never hesitates to attribute her stunning success to her supportive and loving husband.

        4) My wife’s chosen career usually includes a couple of advanced degrees and doesn’t attract many vapid, brainless idiots.

        5) As to what I do all day, I work in porn. I’m a professional writer. My “weird terminology” is the result of a career spent studying words and using them effectively. The English Language is my bitch.

        6) If you devote your life to taking care of your parents instead of producing grandchildren, then you have effectively nullified their investment in you as their hope for the future. But that’s your selfish choice to make. In making that choice, however, you have selected one particular type of lifestyle and therefore shouldn’t be complaining how unfair life is. You had the opportunity to create your own destiny and now you have to live with the consequences of your actions.

        7) If anyone has a right to be smug, it’s me. I fully admit that. I was “fortunate” enough to find, court, and marry the right woman. We were “lucky” enough to struggle through college and have three intellectually precocious children. My wife DOES deserve a medal . . . for finding a husband who would literally move heaven and earth for his family, is utterly adoring of her, and who actively looks forward to a long and graceful decline into dotage together instead of the next hot babe who comes along. I work in porn. I see hot babes all day.

        8) Yes, I am an asshole. I’ve earned the right. I’ve conducted myself as a gentleman in my public and private affairs and ensured that my family is protected and well-provided for, my wife is happy and fulfilled, my children are loved and well-tended, and everyone in my community considers themselves lucky to know me. As an old-fashioned gentleman, I can be a cast-iron SOB sometimes. You might find that unpalatable and unacceptably aggressive. That’s fine. My self-worth is not dependent upon your opinion of me, and I’ll stand behind my accomplishments and achievements as proof of my abilities.

        9) I am here because I am currently writing a book on marriage and relationships, and I find the Plankton blog a fascinating gaze into the dysfunction that marriage has fallen into in the last four decades. Women who bare their emotional soul on blogs like this offer unique insights into modern feminine socio-psychological mindset.

        Does that clear a few things up?

      • leftatforty says:

        Ah Sex Nerd. Remember this is you writing, not your wife thinking. Ironwood, your wife could leave you tomorrow or the day after. Even after your hard work to become an a**hole.

      • Margaux says:

        I was responsible for 2 human beings who depended on me utterly, Ian. They were my ageing parents – one with cancer, the other with dementia.

        But that doesn’t seem to count in your view of the world…

    • MissBates says:

      Yes, Ian, it clears everything up, including your very porn-y screen name.

      • Elle says:

        Ian, I hope you think the same way when your 3 precocious children abandon you to you dotage.

        Why is it so important for people to “breed” anyway? There are more than 7 billion people on the planet, how long more can the Earth support us all?

        OUch have the right to make a living

      • Elle says:

        Ian, I hope you think the same way when your 3 precocious children abandon you to you dotage.

        Why is it so important for people to “breed” anyway? There are more than 7 billion people on the planet, how long more can the Earth support us all?

        You have the right to make a living as you wish but I believe that the ever increasing availability of every kind of porn has significantly contributed to the dysfunction in society that you speak of.

        Women are abused, exploited, objectified, degraded and dehumanised in porn. When men see women as nothing more than a shaven, plastic source of gratuitous titillation then normal human needs for communication and mutual intimacy are nothing but an inconvenience to them.

        I would recommend that anyone interested in the globalisation and effects of porn read The Industrial Vagina by Australian academic Sheila Jeffreys. It’s a sobering read.

        Ian, your idyllic life is as believable as your name. Ironwood indeed. Thumbtack more like!

      • Jane says:

        Tosh, Hokum & Poppycock (!) don’t believe a word of it Ian. You are just a nasty, spiteful, misogynist.

      • Margaux says:

        Click on Ian Ironwood’s name here – it will take you to his blog titled ‘Blogging For An Ascendant Manosphere’

        Says it all.

      • Ian Ironwood says:

        Thank you. I worked long and hard on my professional name.

        And my wife has been free to leave me at anytime in the last 20 years of our relationship. She’s chosen not to. I’ll leave her reasons to herself, but it might be because I’m an ideal husband and father, as well as a brilliant cook, an accomplished professional, and conduct myself as a gentleman in my affairs. Poor, silly, deluded woman . . . doesn’t she know that she could divorce me and take half of everything I own?

        Come on, Feminists. Convince her how she’ll be better off by leaving me and divorcing me. I promise I’ll pass along your reasons to her, unedited.

      • Jane says:

        Margaux – I would click on his name and look at his blog… if I could summon up the merest smidge of interest, but I have a life… and better things to do with it.

      • Ian Ironwood says:

        @Elle: Why on earth would they do that? I love my kids. They love me. I haven’t abandoned my parents, and I’ve instilled values into them that should encourage them to do likewise. I’ve also told them they only get one marriage apiece, so they had better do it right.

        People who focus on their parents to the exclusion of having and raising children do nothing to contribute to the future of humanity. At most, they assist those of us who do have kids to shape the world of the future.

        Personally, I feel that my genetics are good enough to pass along to the next generation of humanity. You may feel otherwise about your DNA. I respect your right not to breed. Indeed, by resisting the urge to breed, you leave more resources for me and mine. Thanks.

        One thing I’ve noticed about childlessness? It’s not hereditary.

        The availability of porn didn’t significantly contribute to societal dysfunction — if anything, it evened out a grievous societal balance that left women in control of half the money and all the sex. Now that there is virtually free internet porn, on-line prostitution, and Craigslist hookups, men may now enjoy nearly free sexual access to a woman without having to cater to her whims. That balances out the fact that women can now make an income independent of men.

        Women no longer need “real” men for security. Y’all thought that was great.

        Now men no longer need “real” women for sex. Why isn’t that great?

        And I hear you about how women are degraded and used and exploited in porn. But are you really that concerned with other women, or are you actually more concerned with the fact that it reduces your value on the sexual marketplace? Consider:

        Look at the clothes you are wearing right now, assuming you aren’t naked. Now look in your closet. Look at your shoe rack. How many sets of clothing do you have? More than you need? More than you wear? Every buy something you almost liked but was on sale so you felt compelled?

        Now consider that every garment that’s likely in your closet and shoe in your shoe rack — unless you buy exclusively from high-end artisans — was made in an Asian or Latin American sweat shop by underage girls who get paid pennies per piece for the privilege of getting raped at work, sexually abused, beaten, subjected to inhuman working conditions with little or no access to sanitary or health facilities, and who can be summarily dismissed and replaced at the whim of their managers.

        All so you can save a couple of pence on your knickers.

        Pretty much every stitch of clothing worn by every woman in the Western world is soaked in the sweat, blood, and misery of women in the third world. Women who get raped, sexually assaulted, and abused by their employers — your vendors — so that you can have cheap clothes and shoes. And we’re not talking the thousands of girls who work in porn, but MILLIONS of young women who suffer running the machines that make your finery. They don’t get paid extra for kinky stuff. They don’t get the opportunity to complain to a state agency about unfair working conditions. They don’t get to complain at all.

        But you get stylish fashions at affordable prices. Good for you.

        Now tell me again why I should feel bad about porn? To me it seems like a much, much less damaging thing for women than the fashion industry.

        Tell you what . . . you ladies stop wearing clothes, I’ll stop watching porn. Deal?

      • The Plankton says:

        Hello, Ian? Is this your blog or mine? Plankton

      • ToneDeafSinger says:

        re. Ian Ironwood’s comment: so now it is “selfish” to take care of one’s elderly parents? Hello? You are a sophist but you keep slipping up with some rather crude, simplistic reasoning. “Misandry”, just to try to make us believe you’re educated. Indeed.

      • maria says:

        MissBates, never mind that SOB (Ian Ironwood). Good for you for taking care of your parents, as I did mine and I don’t regret it for a minute. And you’re not an unfulfilled woman because you didn’t have kids, this is the 21st century and we don’t have to have kids if we don’t want to (I’ve never wanted either). Last time I checked we could still do our own choices in life, it’s not like we live in some backward muslim country, where women can’t decide their own life.
        Best wishes for 2012, may it bring a lovely hunky new man to you (and me).

      • Leftatforty says:

        Ian, get a room… you and your right hand.

  • Alina says:

    Very well put, Zoe. Couldn’t agree more.

    I so wish this blog would allow us to ‘like’ posts, as I have nothing more to say than this. Understandably, though, this is not Facebook! 😀

  • june says:

    Dear me plankton you are ranting for England are you not.But its your blog so rant to your hearts content.

    Friday nights visit to the joys of a POF disco night have made me realise i can rant for ever more, it will make no difference,i wouldnt want any there gift wrapped. A friend of mine left early as she said men were disgusting, A bit strong maybe, but i see where shes coming from. The husband of a friend of mine was told by a male friend who went,that “all the women were on the game”, i saw a hell of a lot of attractive well groomed middle aged, classy looking women,i saw very few similar men, what exact planet are men on do you think. I did enjoy the dancing! great exercise..

    I am rapidly coming to the conclusion im destined to be alone. Zoe says we have to lower our standards, to get someone, just how far Zoe do we have to, cause i dont know if i can bring myself to lower it quite as much as i might have to to get a man. So bloody low i will demean myself, no lonely as i can be sometimes, as ive said ive good friends but if you are a plankton you will still have many lonely moments, i dont think i can lower my standards quite that much, i doubt if i could ever be that desperate.

    • AMJ says:

      I don’t think zoe was suggesting that people lower their standards June, just that fancying them should be enough. I have learnt that first hand – while on the rebound, coincidentally. When I found myself single at 40, my criteria were: educated, intelligent, no more than 5 years younger, good job, must be able to spell and NEVER put an apostrophe in the wrong place. Then along came someone 11 years younger, never been to university, half time bus driver, half time impoverished artist, absolutely beautiful to look at, and couldn’t spell for shit.

      I need hardly mention what a thorough boost to my confidence that was, I went from someone weeping into my coffee every day at the thought that I was only ever going to be able to attract paunchy old coots, to someone who could have a lot of fun with someone who didn’t meet my usual criteria just because we fancied each other. No doubt I didn’t meet his criteria either. That fling went a long way towards mending me after a nasty breakup.

      Not everyone you go out with has to be husband material. The confidence you gain from dating someone you fancy – whatever their station in life – is priceless. Nobody is suggesting that anyone date someone they’re not attracted to.

      I’m not trying to say that is the whole answer – mostly being single has been shit; I’m single 7 years later, and empathise with much of what P is going through – just gently suggesting that I think you’ve misinterpreted zoe here.

      • zoe says:

        That’s a lovely story AMJ. Thank you. I too came to a point in my life when I thought my romantic life was all over. And that’s a very dark place to be. Like you, I was astonished and delighted when a much younger, beautiful, brilliant but uneducated man lit up my world once more. I haven’t looked back. I am sure that one day – perhaps soon – I will actively seek an “age-appropriate” man, but rather like Saint Augustine’s prayer “Give me chastity and continence, but not yet” I would like just a little more time with the age-inappropriate. Younger men, ladies. It might not be for everyone, but don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

      • EmGee says:

        “Not everyone you go out with has to be husband material…”

        Just what I was thinking.

  • MissM says:

    Aren’t we all missing a point here? I am not sure our Dearest P is knocking a Rebound at all, but is instead lamenting that none materialised. At least that is how I read it. Lord knows I never had the opportunity to knock back a Rebound. Had he materialised I’d have snapped him up with gratitude, like Plankton the Original would have also. I envy those who seem to go from one relationship to another with very little time between, I’d love to be like that. Unfortunately my currency is seems to have gone down with the Titanic. Thanks Steve for that reminder (that would be in ironic font if it existed).

    • EmGee says:

      It’s perfectly clear to me that Ms P is lamenting the fact that she bought into the ‘rebound, bad’ myth and is kicking herself for wasting that first year to ‘get over’ her divorce.

      If I am still single in a year’s time and anyone says to me, “Never you worry. It’s still early days…”, I will blacken their eye!

      • MissM says:

        I will admit that my interpretation may well be off but just thought I’d mention why I see it that way I do. In order to defend my take on this I quote P from above: “I’d have given quite a lot for any bloody Rebound but during the supposed Rebound period, there came there Rebound none.” I took from that our P did not deliberately avoid a rebound, would have instead in fact loved a rebound, but regrets only that the opportunity to have one did not arise. I may well be wrong.

      • The Plankton says:

        Dear MissM, Thank you for this. You are absolutely right. That is precisely what I meant. Very best wishes, Px

  • Sarah says:

    I went onto the internet to get rebound guys as my entourage was singularly lacking in single men. I didn’t want a relationship, I just wanted some good old confidence-boosting fun. Worked a treat.

  • zoe says:

    Ah, Fi. Well there you have the answer to the problem! If we were to ban women from further education, equal pay and DIY classes, entire vistas of desirable men would hove into view. We would be awash in irresistible members of the opposite sex who would dazzle us with their manly competences. No more plankton problem. No more Plankton blog! Or perhaps, instead, we could just examine the dodgy sexist assumption – so unfair on the man, so demeaning to ourselves – that a man should be better than us to be worthy on us. After all, they will always be different to us in one rather important respect 😉

    • fi says:

      I know I know. I’m a dreadful shallow person and there’s something wrong with me :D. But we all need more from a bloke than his penis don’t we? I want a man that I admire and respect. I simply can’t respect one that makes me feel in anyway like his parent. I think June was right with her references to fathers aeons ago – we do look for men similar to our dads (if we had good relationships with them of course) and my dad could do everything and fix everything. Consequently that’s what I look for in a bloke. Ones who aren’t as capable as me I can’t help but not fancy them at all. I just couldn’t respect my last husband who left me and my dad to floor my attic because he couldn’t use a screwdriver. Like the great Amy Whitehouse sang “I feel like a lady, and you’re my lady boy. You should be stronger than me…”

      • zoe says:

        I knew I wouldn’t get away with the penis allusion 🙂

      • Margaux says:

        I buck the trend I’m afraid. No electra complex here – I look for men who are the polar opposite of my father. I had a good relationship with him but his 1950s view of women and my mother sent me in the opposite direction….
        (no, not women! lol!)
        And how hard to find they are ….

  • rosie says:

    I’ve long wished that I was stupid, or if not stupid just content with mediocrity as life would be so much easier. Then again, of course I don’t want to be stupid or undiscerning so I’m stuck with what I’ve got.

    When it comes to intelligence in men I’m not bothered about how many certificates someone’s got (some of the biggest doofuses(ii?) I’ve ever met were at university) but being able to spell is a deal breaker. I couldn’t care less if he can’t hang wallpaper or do any of the traditional ‘man’ stuff but if he can I’m not complaining either.

    As for rebounds and flings I’ve had more of both than hot dinners. If I like someone (and I have to to get into bed with them) my head might well tell me it’s a ‘fling’ but my heart is doing something else entirely. By which time it’s too late.

    Oh, and Ian, FOAD.

    • MissM says:

      Indeed Rosie, if I like someone enough to go to bed with them, I also like them enough to want to keep them around for more than that. If I didn’t consider them keeper material then they are not worth going to bed with either. I can’t do the separation of sex and love that men seem to be so good at doing. In fact I have so little ability when it comes to separating the two that I still don’t comprehend how anyone at all can just want someone for a short term set of sexual encounters and nothing more. It is a totally foreign concept to me and filed under ‘things I will never understand’. I don’t condemn others for doing it, it is just that I cannot.

    • Ian Ironwood says:

      “FOAD”? Really?

      And it’s a wonder you’re still single. You’d think some hunky stud would have snatched you up by now with that kind of attitude.

      To me, it sounds like you’ve successfully talked yourself out of every chance of a successful relationship by coming up with lists of “stupid” and “mediocre” things that are enough to dismiss a male from consideration. I’m sure you feel fully vindicated by this. Some gals are just too smart for their own good.

  • Steve says:

    For the record, not all men can separate sex and love.

    Yes, I have to find someone attractive before I am prepared to get naked, but believe me, if it becomes clear that there is nothing of any substance between the ears, then that attractiveness diminishes sharply.

    Perhaps that is why I am still a Plankton….. 🙂

    • paolo says:

      I feel the same way you do. Sex without love (or at least the possibility of love) is something that seems utterly depressing and pointless to me. And, yes, a woman has got to be smart to get me physically interested. The smarter she is, the more attracted I am.

      • MissM says:

        True Steve and Paolo, some men are less able to separate sex and love than others, and some women are quite capable at doing so also. It was a generalisation since it just seems men have a greater capacity to do so than women do in general. Exceptions always exist. What really floored me was when I once had a couple of men explain to me that they didn’t even find it necessary to actually ‘like’ a woman in order to have sex with her. If the blood went the right way that was all they needed for a night of entertainment, and there was of course no interest in seeing that woman again.

        Also, in my experience all the truly intelligent men I have known did in fact prefer to be with a woman with enough intellect to keep them mentally stimulated. I have a theory that it is the men who realise they are not really as bright as they would like you to believe that are intimidated by smart women, as they fear she might call their bluff. Alternatively if a man is not all that smart himself he doesn’t really want anyone too mentally challenging since he is simply not up to it. So if both of you like a woman with brains, I figure it is because you have them in abundance yourselves. What the world really could do with is more of the men with good brains and less of the other sort.

  • rosie says:

    fi, one minute you’re banging on about feminism and calling people ‘sad sacks’ for daring to suggest they might not happy on their own, the next you’re making comments that wouldn’t look out of place in Woman’s Own, circa 1950.

    • The Plankton says:

      Hi Rosie, Sorry, but who are you talking to here? Is this to me? Px

    • fi says:

      I suppose I think I can do anything that a bloke can do, and I do. I see myself as their equal in every respect. I want a bloke that’s MY equal in terms of intelligence and skills. I don’t want to feel superior th them – If I can tile, put up shelves, clear gutters, change tyres etc, why can’t they?

      • fi says:

        Sod it. Let me lay my cards on the table here. I can’t stand men who “are in touch with their feminine side”. If I want to talk about feelings then I’ll do it with my female friends. Men who cry more than once a year (and then they’re only allowed to if someone died or their child is born) make me feel ill. Similarly men with scented candles in their houses. Men and women are different and we should celebrate that difference instead of trying to homogenise everyone to be the same. The reason I am a plankton is that despite meeting many men, and having a number interested in me, I don’t fancy them because they’re big girls’ blouses. I want them to man up!

  • rosie says:

    No, to fi!

  • rosie says:

    You said you wanted a bloke to do things as well as you can ‘but preferably better’. Surely that’s implying that men are more able/intelligent than women, or should be?

  • Empress says:

    Interesting points of view on display here, and as rants go it’s a damn fine one. I’d just like to add that from what I can see we all have our “ideals” but fundementally we are all just looking for someone who loves and respects us and to mirror it back. With a bit of fun thrown in for good measure of course
    .
    Everything else is packaging and compromise, skills can be taught, manners improved (on both sides), I guess I’ve just always believed that a good couple compliment one another, it’s never mattered to me whether I bake the cakes and he hammers in the nails or if its vice versa!

    One final thing, shame on you Ian Ironwood, a most unworthy comment from anyone who claims to be happy.

    • Ian Ironwood says:

      “Unworthy”? “Unhappy?”

      I’m not the one with a blog that bashes men while simultaneously lamenting that they continue being men and not Prince Charmings, regardless of the “princess” involved.

      I write a blog on sex and how men are getting shafted by women’s unrealistic expectations — so a lot of them just aren’t playing anymore.

      Personally, I am happy. As a Man, I’m highly, highly irritated with the way we get treated in aggregate. Some of the comments, above, were the height of misandry.

      And the simple fact is that the most devastating thing to a woman’s dating prospects is her own inability to face the truth of her situation. Accountability is painful, and many women would rather just find someone else to blame. I’m sure we all know a few ladies like that.

      • Steve H says:

        Ian , as a fellow male can I say how much I admire your musings?

        In fact, in England we award people like you the cherished “Top Writer(American)Talent” award. Or TWAT for short.

        I guess every blog has to have its counterbalance. And now from America we have the direct opposite of Miss Bates.

      • Ian Ironwood says:

        @Steve H.

        Thanks, Steve! I appreciate the acclaim. I’m a big fan of the award’s namesake, and I’ll be glad to have that juicy honor tightly wrapped around my ego.

        And if you ever want to consider taking the Red Pill, let me know. It’s like having superpowers.

  • rosie says:

    I don’t want a big girl’s blouse either, I’m sure none of us does, but, speaking as a feminist, nor do I need someone who’s ‘better’ than me. And what about the poor sod who’s in a car accident and breaks every bone in his body? Is he not allowed to cry? How prescriptive can you get!

    As for Ian, one can only hope Mrs Ironwood would be ashamed on his behalf if she read his post.

    • Ian Ironwood says:

      @rosie I would be proud for Mrs. Ironwood to read any of my posts. And what makes you think she doesn’t? If I’ve said one disrespectful word about her, please point it out to me.

      And as a feminist, I can only infer that you are happy with the current state of male-female relations vis-a-vis marriage and dating at the moment. Millions of empowered, career-oriented women out there who didn’t take any crap from any man . . . who are now wondering why they can’t get a decent date or find happiness in marriage. Wasn’t that the feminist ideal, after all? Welcome to the fruit of your philosophical labors.

      • MissM says:

        Wait what…? So what we are supposed to do is take “any crap” from men in order to achieve happiness in marriage.

        Okay I am going to start to take notes here. Step one, have aggressive breeding strategy. Step two, avoid taking any work in order to pay rent, food, bills etc, no matter how trivial, lest it be construed as a career. Step three, take any crap from any man.

        If after that I am still single and have reached the point when I can no longer be considered young, I suppose I am to self destruct since I am obviously sub-human and of no consequence any longer. Glad I sorted that out.

      • Ian Ironwood says:

        MissM: Back up. You’re already too late for most of this to be effective.

        Step One only works when you’re in your early 20s and realize that deciding whether or not you want kids and how you want kids is the most important thing in your life. If you weren’t clear in your mind on that subject then everything else is moot. Getting a job and paying your own way isn’t an impediment to that, but if it became your focus then you lost sight of what was important — or it wasn’t that important to you in the first place.

        Face facts, ladies. Sexy is whatever our biology concurs leads to making babies. It’s a visceral response that lies utterly beyond our conscious mind. The same impulse that compels you to publicly humiliate a “creepy loser” to improve your own perceived social standing is the same impulse that causes guys to pass you by. Consider it Nature’s revenge for all of the judgement and rejecting you did in your youth, all the nice guys who had that one little thing that was a deal-breaker . . . back when you had the youth and looks to pull that kind of attention.

        And now you want interesting, exciting men with jobs and disposable income and rugged good looks? They’re out there . . . I know them. Heck, I know dudes that women have been chasing for years, but who just don’t care any more because women have very little to offer them. Or who have moved on to brides from more traditional cultures who provide what they want out of a relationship more than a modern Western woman. What do you have to offer these men that they would abandon the younger, healthier, more-eager-to-please women for you? “Mature wisdom”?

        It’s sad, but the fact is it’s probably too late for you to find Mr. Right. And it’s even sadder that you all are the reason that any “decent men” — that is, the kind of Alpha males you say you want — got chased away by the very attitudes that keep you from “taking crap from men”. Now you have a crap-free life utterly unencumbered by bad relationships, dominating menfolk, and pesky descendants: the Feminist Utopia.

        Only there are an awful lot of fish desperately searching for bicycles, now. What’s up with that?

    • fi says:

      I hate it when men say women take things out of context and extrapolate and exaggerate them but I see where they’re coming from. I didn’t say a man shouldn’t cry if he’s been in a car accident and broken every bone in his body. I’m sure there would be exceptions to my once a year rule on crying – I didn’t realise that I would have to list them or you would do so in order to challenge me. I guess I should have however as you challenge every post I write

  • rosie says:

    I only challenge stuff you say, fi – I presume you mean me – because your arguments are contradictory and full of holes.

    • fi says:

      Ah. THAT’S where I’ve been going wrong. I thought people posted their views/opinions here, as opposed to postulating logical and reasoned arguments (qualified where appropriate) to a critical audience 🙂

  • rosie says:

    And Ian is the kind of man who makes me want to crawl into a hole and die. You can put that in your book if you like, Ian.

    • Ian Ironwood says:

      Not a problem, Sweetie. How’s this?

      “When faced with the specter of a successful marital relationship untainted by divorce or separation, and lead by a male head-of-household, it’s common for rank-and-file feminists who hear tales about such domestic bliss to express a desire to “want to crawl into a hole and die” over the “suffering” of their poor married sisters and the masculine men who wed them.

      Will that work for you?

  • rosie says:

    Sorry, me again… just seen ‘the English Language is my bitch’. Love it. Pseuds’ Corner surely?

  • Elle says:

    I have to say that Ian Ironwood’s musings are rather fascinating and add an interesting counterpoint to this blog. I googled his blogs and they are food for thought. Not for the fainthearted either! To be fair they’re intelligent and well written despite being misogynistic and ageist in places. They seem to take the whole dating and blogging about dating/gender relations thing very seriously across the water, Apologies to Miss M and other regular Stateside contributors, I’m not referring to you here.

    In Ireland and the UK we have a sense of irony that can mislead others into thinking we’re serious when we’re not. Self-deprecation is the order of the day but when all is said and done we can have a laugh about it.

    I’d hate to think that people take themselves as seriously on this side of the pond. I think that Ian Ironside would benefit hugely from reading several back issues of Viz magazine! He’d get an insight into the puerile but ironic humour that comes out of the UK and hopefully he might get a laugh as well – I think he needs one like a constipated elephant needs a ton of ex-lax!

    • fi says:

      Yep – he’s just so angry. Not sure why that should be if he’s as content with his own life as he purports to be. Why not just shake his head and pity us for being misguided instead of working himself up into a frenzy?

      • Ian Ironwood says:

        I’m angry on behalf of my brethren who got the wrong end of the stick in the sexual revolution. Feminism trashed masculinity to the point where it was a mockery, and then bitched because all the “real men” their lady parts craved wouldn’t date them.

        Mrs. Ironwood, thankfully, had more brains than that. She wanted babies and a career — the feminist ideal — but she understood that she can’t have the feminist ideal without the support and assistance of a very willing and eager husband. Me. And for the “crap” she takes from me she gets a loving and supportive partner that will be with her until one of us dies, surrounded by our children and grandchildren.

        Meanwhile, her almost-40 single female friends are close to hunting down and capturing whatever guy with a pulse and a penis they can because they realized that all the crap they didn’t take also didn’t give them a happy relationship or babies and they don’t want to die alone.

        Women have spent forty years demeaning and destroying men and attacking masculinity. That’s something worthy of being angry over, don’t you think?

    • MissM says:

      Just for the record I am Australian not American. Not that it really matters to anyone I am sure, arse end of the world and all that.

      If I was going to go to the states I definitely would prefer to spend my time with Miss Bates and not Ian Ironwood, but to each their own.

      Nice one Stave H, for the Top Writer (American) Talent award, I got a chuckle out of that.

    • fi says:

      Just had a look myself and this is on there http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/awful-profiles-by-women/
      These men (the posters) are scary. They really have a warped view of women and actively hate ones like us. I wouldn’t like to work with or know any of them.

      • Ian Ironwood says:

        Actually, Sweetie, you probably do know and work with them and just don’t suspect. Internet anonymity is a wonderful thing. It allows a man to behave just as you expect him to in public and then show his true feelings in private.

        And the men over at TPM aren’t any scarier than the gangs of women clustered around laptops cyber-stalking potential dates to figure out what’s wrong with them before they even meet. That’s worse that locker-room talk amongst the boys.

        And honestly, what did you expect after four solid decades of organized kicks-to-the-balls of our collective masculinity? Roses and candy?

      • fi says:

        I hope I don’t know them. They’re the sort you meet and you then end up in pieces in a bin bag.

      • Ian Ironwood says:

        No, actually, its what most men secretly think, but are too scared by ardent feminists who object to masculinity to say so, lest they be judged.

        The fact is, I don’t think many of the women on this board have much interest in even trying to understand how a man thinks and feels. It sounds like that’s the last thing on your mind.

        But your willingness to run in fear from any kind of strong masculinity is telling.

    • Ian Ironwood says:

      @ Elle: Thank you for your concern over my bowels. I’m sure that you’ll be thrilled to know that I’m as regular as a clock.

      I’ll accept “misogynistic and ageist in places”, because I feel the terms are misunderstood and frequently mis-applied, particularly when it comes to discussions of such a sensitive nature. And I appreciate “well-written”, too. I do strive to make myself readable and entertaining.

      Perhaps y’all under the Crown aren’t as torqued-up about dating and relationships as we are — my British relatives seem to move in and out of new relationships and marriages with casual speed. This is a serious issue to a growing number of men and women in the US, particularly amongst the women who have pursued a career instead of a relationship on the theory that a relationship — marriage — children — would just happen naturally . . . and now they’re pushing 40 and there are no “good men” out there who will give them the time of day.

      They’re getting desperate. They’re freezing their eggs (as if that makes them more appealing) and they’re plumbing the loser pools of every metropolitan region on the continent desperately searching for sperm and a decent guy attached to it. Only problem is, they have very little to offer a “decent guy” even if they did recognize one, so now they’re bitching about how commitment-phobic and peter-panny these men are, instead of recognizing that it was their own inattention to mating issues that has caused their dilemma.

      But that was the Feminist Sexual Utopia, wasn’t it? That’s the question I asked that I’m waiting for Rosie to answer. Isn’t this precisely the kind of society feminism worked for? Easy access to divorce, birth control, abortion, and equal employment opportunities, women in professional careers, etc. etc. How’s that working out on a personal level? If things went according to Feminist Dogma, then the world should be filled with happy, fulfilled women who don’t care about romance or children because they have their careers and their “own” lives, unpolluted by the base lusts of men.

      And that’s what slays me: after four decades of trashing every aspect of masculinity, all you professional career women can complain about is how there aren’t any “real” men left. You want irony? That’s the most delicious irony of all.

      • T Lover says:

        Mr Ironwood,

        I am pleased to see (in the context of your bowels) : “I’m sure that you’ll be thrilled to know that I’m as regular as a clock.”

        Is that before or after you get up in the morning?

      • The Plankton says:

        Oh, T Lover, I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but your comment to the latest not entirely welcome addition to my commentators, has given me so much pleasure. Thank you. px

      • Ian Ironwood says:

        After — and again I’m gratified as to your attention to my bowels. But I can’t help but detect a note of obsession . . .

        And if I am unwelcome here, I can take myself — and my traffic — to other places. Just say the word.

      • The Plankton says:

        I shall leave my loyal and supportive commentators to say their words.

      • fi says:

        Keep him! keep him! Keep him! He’s brilliant in a sort of David Brent kind of way. Very entertaining. Anyway if he’s censored he’ll assume its because we’re threatened by his extreme masculinity rather than that we’re bored by his wankiness.

      • ToneDeafSinger says:

        If I were feeling charitable Mr Ironwood I’d say you are very, very confused, but actually you are just intellectually dishonest.

      • T Lover says:

        My dear darling Mr Ironwood,

        I think we are living in La La Land. Why should I be obsessed with your clockwork bowel movements?

        I might be thrilled if your turds were coated in thorns and really thrilled if you had to pass one like clockwork, a painful turd every hour on the hour.

        Ecstatic if a cuckoo popped out as well.

        You have some very interesting things to say. My interest is in the accelerating divorce rate. The changes in our unhappy society.

        But you are a zealot. A fundamentalist with a controlling hand over some of the slimeballs – like sad Sodini – who have emerged with you. Coincidence? Nasty evil people. And you write porn do you? Lovely.

  • rosie says:

    Yes, that would definitely flush him out from up his own fundament!

  • rosie says:

    Ian, you don’t strike me as the feminist type. Are you saying it’s a woman’s fault if she’s on he own because she refused to put up with crap from men?

    • Ian Ironwood says:

      Actually, I was a Women’s Study major in college. No, really. I’m more familiar with feminist literature and dogma than most feminists. From Andrea Dworkin to Camille Paglia, I’m not uninformed.

      I’m just pissed off.

      Let’s examine “refused to put up with crap from men” — define “crap”. Is that “anything that makes me unhappy?” or are you limiting it to domestic abuse?

      Because, according to my brief survey of divorced women in my life, “crap” (the dealbreakers that lead to their divorce) include:

      1) “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”

      2) “You’re emotionally distant and indecisive.”

      3) “You’re sexually unreasonable”

      4) “I’m just not happy anymore”

      5) “I met someone else. We’re in love. The fact that he makes more than you has nothing to do with it. He excites me and you bore me.”

      Yes, that’s a lot of crap to take from men, the cads. But those are the top reasons the women in my office have given for their divorces to their husbands in the last 7 years. 70% of divorces are initiated by women in America, and domestic abuse is far down on the list of reasons they give for doing it. No, the “crap” these women don’t take looks suspiciously like men struggling for their own interests in a cultural climate that makes that a nearly criminal enterprise.

      • Leftatforty says:

        Wow, I didn’t know my ex husband had taken part in this survey. He broke a 20 yr marriage with more or less the same sentences. Yes, Ian 20 yrs, children and guess what, I also have a career and a good brain (DNA included, of course). Men (as well as women) are also capable of ‘crap’. I am sure you know what I am talking about.

      • Ian Ironwood says:

        So your husband met someone who made more than you? Or were there other issues? If a man uses terms like that, they are frequently disguising his real problems with the relationship. After 20 years, that sounds like a mid-life crisis, which indicates some father issues or an unhappiness with his sex life.

      • leftatforty says:

        Or all of the above… so?

        My point is that all that crap is not exclusive to women.

  • Margaux says:

    Nicely put Elle. Yes, Ian is our very own unreconstructed sexist . Click on his name here, planktons, and enjoy …..;-)

  • zoe says:

    “Mrs. Ironwood, thankfully, had more brains than that.”

    Crikey, Ian, do you mean that if I had had my act together in my 20s, combined with an unencumbered view as to the misguided agenda of feminism, I too might have had a chance of becoming a Mrs Ironwood?

    I need to lie down. I think I’ve just had a Road to Damascus moment.

  • rosie says:

    Ian, darling, lighten up, you’re in danger of spontaneously combusting, really.

  • rosie says:

    “Pretty much every stitch of clothing worn by every woman in the Western world is soaked in the sweat, blood, and misery of women in the third world. Women who get raped, sexually assaulted, and abused by their employers — your vendors — so that you can have cheap clothes and shoes.”

    Have you never bought any of YOUR clothes from a high street store, you dickwad, or do you have them all hand made? You’re a nasty little creep and if you’ve been ‘happily married’ for 20 years then I’m a monkey’s uncle.

    • ToneDeafSinger says:

      I like Rosie’s comment! Mr Ironwood please go away. You are spoiling the atmosphere here.

    • Ian Ironwood says:

      Tomorrow is mine and my wife’s 21st anniversary. We’re still extremely happy with each other, still being very successful, and about to send our kids back to school. If you pity Mrs. Ironwood, consider the fact that she’s blissfully happy and fulfilled and in a successful long-term relationship, complete with children, house, and bright and sunny future. It seems to take some of the sting out of the burden of marriage to me, somehow. Pity her, though, as I take her to a fancy restaurant, a concert, and a private tour of a chocolatier!

      I don’t care where my clothes were made. But then I wasn’t the one who objected to exploiting women. Women exploit women far more than men do. The fact that you reacted so strongly to that tells me that I struck a nerve — you can’t condemn porn and not condemn the fashion industry, by that token, otherwise you’re being intellectually dishonest.

      And it’s amazing just how many of the ladies here can’t avoid the rudeness of name calling. I haven’t called anyone a name even once, but y’all cant seem to hold a conversation without verbally trashing the gentleman you are conversing with.

      And they wonder why they can’t find a man . . .

      But I will go from here — not to keep from “spoiling” the atmosphere (it is thoroughly spoiled) but because I wouldn’t want to distract you from your on-going pity-party. I’ve already added far too much traffic to this blog, and I have more important things to do and places to be.

      Like being with my wife.

  • T Lover says:

    There is no “Mrs Ironwood”.

    Ironwood is the name you use in your pornographic work.

    The “wife” of the owner of a local massage parlour walks round the supermarket as though she is royalty. Those who know sneer.

    Get real. Your living is from immoral earnings my dear.

    Let’s have a straw poll. How many women would prefer to live with you off immoral earnings or on their own?

    • Ian Ironwood says:

      Wrong, wrong, wrong. While “Ironwood” is a nomme de plume, I am married, and my wife and I have been together for 21 years, now.

      You can sneer if you want at my “immoral” life and income, but I am not a prude, nor do I indulge in sex-negative slut-shaming. It’s rude, it demonstrates your own lack of sophistication, and it demeans both men and women. I’m a top professional in my field. I’ve worked long and hard to get here, and I’m proud of my accomplishments.

      Take your straw poll. But the fact is, I don’t need a woman — I’ve got a loyal and faithful wife already, and while she could live off of my “immoral” income, the fact is that she makes more than enough on her own to support me and our three kids.

      Trying to shame me? That’s a Manosphere no-no. And laughable, at that.

      • T Lover says:

        Back? I thought you had decided to sling your hook – “I have more important things to do and places to be” – obviously not.

        Can I spell it out in the simplest of terms? You might be married. You might have children. Who knows? Who cares what a pornographer does in his spare time?

        But there is no Mrs Ironwood. Ironwood is a false name you assume to mask your true identity. You are Mr and Mrs Something-Else and the bi bindis – Junior Something-Else.

        The reason you use the name Ironwood is that it infers a superiority in your down below department (it is so infra dig to brag) and second because you don’t want your neighbours, the children, the children’s’ friends, the parents of the children’s’ friends et al to know you make a living from immoral earnings.

        True? Bang on the money? No? Then why don’t you use your real name? Be proud. Tell the world.

        Now, whilst I have your attention, what is this “Manosphere” of which we speak? It sounds like balls to me.

        And these blue, red and black pills. If I were to post you a sample in red white and blue would you and your dudes stand up for these ladies you have been trying to belittle?

      • Ian Ironwood says:

        I’ve explained my pseudonym elsewhere, but for the most part you are correct: I use a pseudonym because I don’t want the ignorant and narrow-minded to take out their frustrations on my wife and kids. Sue me for being a good husband and father. It’s not a matter of pride. And I’m not going to let some cupcake shame me into screwing up my family life to prove a point. Maybe the guys you’re familiar with might, but I have responsibilities. It’s not a matter of immorality — there’s nothing immoral about porn, and morality changes from culture to culture anyway. I’m as proud to help people masturbate as a master vibrator craftsman.

        And yes, Ironwood refers to my phallus. Very clever of you to catch that. And yes, it’s quite impressive.

        Of course you don’t know anything about the Manosphere. You have no interest or desire in how half of the human race thinks. If the dudes don’t come pre-domesticated, you don’t want anything to do with them. Do a little research and explore. I was so concerned with how women thought that I majored on it in college. What have you done to improve your knowledge of men and masculinity?

      • T Lover says:

        Dear II,

        Here I am sitting at the kitchen table wondering. I thought I was a bloke. I have been peering into the gloom of my pyjamas and yes, I am. I think. Looks like it to me.

        And why should I address someone by a name (Ironwood) a name which is not only false but deliberately chosen to glorify is old man?

        And does he hang coloured manospheres on his ironwood at Christmas instead of a tree?

        And, shall I comment and provoke a response? Or shut up. He seems to have blown his ego up to bursting, has Mr II any wind left?

        Yes, it is a mistake. Shut up T Lover. Why dignify the author of “Uncle Pete and his Parisian whore”? A work of a true genius.

        I surrender. The field is yours.

      • Ian Ironwood says:

        That shows uncommon good sense on your part.

        Honestly, from your writing style, I would have sworn you were a woman. I stand corrected.

        Yes, I have a big ego. Most professional writers — or any artist — does. When you create for a living you must have a big ego. You don’t have to have a big package, but you do have to have a big ego if you want to be successful. Luckily, I have both, and I’m not ashamed of either.

        Thanks for reading Sky Panthers, by the way! It is pretty good. Check out my other stuff, too, while you’re at it.

  • Jo says:

    Thank you T Lover. Succinctly put.
    Mr Ironwood. Yes please. Get back to your ‘important places to be and things to do’. Apart from having to endure your interminable – and frankly incandescent – raging (whilst proclaiming ad infinitum how happy you are…..), the fact is the one thing you are without a shadow of a doubt is BORING. A terminal BORE. Yawn.
    So off you go, as you have threatened. (Hooray…!!).
    Oh and for your information – after regaling us (endlessly) with how many books etc that you have written and your ‘talent’ as a writer, it’s nom de plume. Not nomme.
    Saying you are going are the best words you have written here.
    Goodbye.
    Shan’t miss you. You are a dullard.

    • Ian Ironwood says:

      Um . . . did someone say something?

      • Jo says:

        Ah. That old response. ‘Um..did someone say something?’
        Yawn……………………
        You said you were going from here. Obviously not a man of your word.
        ‘The important things to do and places to be’ that you mentioned when informing us of your departure are clearly not enough to prise you from boring us to death.
        If you meant what you said, then why are you still banging on here?
        A rhetorical question. Lest you think more time can be wasted on your rantings. i’d rather watch paint dry.
        Goodbye. Good riddance.

      • Ian Ironwood says:

        I’ve been to my important places and did the important things. Next item.

        And while you complain of being bored, you continue the discussion.

  • Jo says:

    Ironwood. I am not continuing any ‘discussion’ with you.
    Simply pointing out that you cannot seem to stick to your word about going from here.
    Your response is entirely predictable and – as always- juvenile and mind numbingly dull.
    Just can’t stay away it seems.

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