Bikram Survival

January 7, 2012 § 48 Comments

Well, I am still here.

No fainting, no nausea, no Speedos.

I went with my lovely and generous and inspirational friend.  It is an oddly intimate experience, being squashed in a hot room with twenty-five or so semi-naked strangers, men and (mostly) women, young and old, sweat lobbing back and forth and a certain amount of grunting.  It was not a spiritual experience but I don’t suppose it’s meant to be.  Lots of standing or lying about in funny positions.  Some of them were strenuous, some were no more so than sitting in an armchair with a cup of tea.  So it was, I felt I was at best doing it wrong, at worst doing myself some damage.

Towards the end of the 90 minutes rather too close to a chubby and pasty young man around whose mat puddles of sweat shinily formed, I began to feel, though not to do with him, as though I might be about to feel a bit nauseous so I took it a bit easier.  I kept thinking, what is this for, quite?  I am not wholly versed in what I am trying to achieve?  Strength?  Not sure I have much need of physical strength.   I can lift all the things that I need to lift (I don’t go anywhere much but when I do, I never take more than a little light hand luggage; the removal men did most of the shunting of boxes when I moved house and, a million books all safely in their shelves, I am not planning on moving anywhere again soon; and I was already strong enough to lift the Christmas tree over my shoulder and lug it home and anyway Christmas isn’t for another year).  Toning?  I wonder where toning gets a person in life?  I am not remotely toned but who notices?  Who knows?  Who cares?  What difference does it make?  Is it all about sex?

The Inspiration lost a whole load of weight, which I found inspirational, but he said in the car on the way there that losing weight was a side effect.  He was never fat in the first place but has lost a lot and has had to buy complete new sets of clothes.  What he has chiefly gained, though, is a calm, a lack of stress, and an extraordinarily tranquil take on life.  That is what keeps him going back each day.  He is in a very high-powered and revered profession and is one of the best and toppest in this country, possibly in the world.  Since he has been doing Bikram – every single day for over a year – nothing fazes him.  Professionally, he is going from strength to strength.  I look at him and it is true, he is a paragon.  His wife teases him and says he is a nutter and an addict but four days ago, she decided, if you can’t beat ’em and all that, and she has taken up Bikram too.

After one session, as someone who has never even seen yoga let alone done it, and who has hated exercise all my life long, I am not there yet.   Personally, I don’t get it, though I do get it in the sense of what it has done for the Inspiration.  I have seen his astonishing physical transformation with my own eyes, and that of his general demeanour too, so much happier and less stressed. The Inspiration is enough to encourage me to give it a fair crack at the whip, and the fact that I didn’t actively hate it certainly helped.

I’ll do it for the hell of it, and see what happens.  It is not going to land me a husband, in Speedos or Speedos-less, but that ain’t the point.

At this point, I am not at all sure what the point is, but out of deep admiration and respect for my generous mentor, the Inspiration, I shall stick at it for a while at least and – who knows? – I may even find out?


§ 48 Responses to Bikram Survival

  • Joules says:

    Well done!! Almost a shame no speedos in sight. And your friend seems to have really achieved something with his dedication. I do agree that at our age the things we get out of physical activity must be health and happiness related. My days of competitive sport – rowing – are over.
    I have not heard of a Bikram yoga class anywhere in my vicinity but there are pilates classes and they promise the same sort of calmness. Think I might try to add it to my weekly round of zumba (2) and belly dancing (1) classes – I need structure in my life. With the cupboards all neat and tidy I should have the time.
    Ms P I have a confession to make – one of my friends has signed me up with some internet dating site while I was away at Christmas. When she asked if I was interested in meeting someone I honestly thought it was either a friend of hers or her fathers (both might have been strange but fun at least). Anyway I have returned to find her in Wales – she has not really come clean but others have informed me, the rest of my friends in a height of excitement about helping me screen apparently hoards of men (yea right – amazing how easy it is for those either smugly married or in long-term committed relationships) and with me still distinctly more interested in cleaning out my cupboards.

  • ex-pond-slime says:

    Well done P and keep going – having a friend to go with should help. I suspect numbers may drop as the resolutions wear off, giving you more chance of speading your mat in a puddle-free zone in future!

    Good luck on the internet Joules. Maybe the sign-up-by-friends could work for you too Plankton: all the friends who are kind enough to hunt down prospects for you in the real world could lend a hand with the sorting and culling of internet prospects. As you said a couple of posts ago, the inevitable tedium of the process is offputting, but as with exercise, you don’t have to enjoy the process to reap the benefits, and support from a friend can make all the difference.

  • EmGee says:

    I hate exercise too, but it it does have mental and emotional benefits as well as physical. I would advise that you stick with it for at least 6 sessions and then evaluate your general sense of well being. Glad your first class turned out to be mostly a positive experience.
    I thought of your recent posts when I read these two Salon articles last night:
    and this one: (“Die, smug yoga teacher, die”)

  • paolo says:

    From your post, describing your friend: “He is in a very high-powered and revered profession and is one of the best and toppest in this country, possibly in the world.”

    What the what? What kind of circles do you travel in, anyway? I would describe the quality of my own social circle as being well above average, but I’m pretty sure I’ve never even met anyone who is “one of the best and toppest in this country, possibly in the world.” Which raises the question: If it is from this rarefied a circle that you are drawing your romantic prospects – that is, one in which the men, because of their professional and social stature, can pick and choose fairly much anyone they want (i.e., including the young and beautiful) – might this not, at least in part, explain some of the predicament you are in? I would imagine that in this circle smart and interesting and witty – and middle-aged – women (such as yourself) are a dime a dozen, and are routinely crowded out in the competition for men by the younger and more beautiful (some of whom may also possess wit and intelligence). Or am I wrong?

    Please do not interpret this as a slight against your own competitive qualifications. You strike me as quite a catch. I’ve had a crush on you from the moment I started reading this blog months ago; you seem almost too good to be true. (Of course, I also imagine you to be attractive, which may or may not be true.) I have not been able to understand why you haven’t been snatched up by some lucky guy. But now I think I might understand.

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you, Paolo. I don’t think you should take anything from the fact that in my humble opinion I think one of my friends is extremely professional and talented. Best wishes, Px

  • Lydia says:

    I can’t describe easily how bikram yoga makes me feel but it makes me feel betetr than any other exercise I have ever done including even sex. I would highly recommend it.

  • Sally says:

    Apologies in advance if you have answered this already…

    How exactly is Bikram pronounced?

    Is it Bi – cram (like biscuit), or Bee -cram, or Bye – cram?

    Enjoying your blog very much, keep it up 🙂

  • rosie says:

    Well done, P, here’s to a new you! I’ve been thinking about giving it a go but even saunas make me feel a bit queasy so will stick with the pilates for now.

  • rosie says:

    @Paolo, I can’t speak for others on here but I don’t mix in rarefied circles, yet despite being interesting, witty and attractive (so I’m told!) I’ve been on my own for so long I may as well have been born a single celled amoeba.

  • tvmunson says:


    What do you feel is lacking in your life that a husband will provide?

    I am not being rhetorical or snide. It is an honest question. Perhaps you have explicated it at another missive; fine, direct me there.

    There seems an “a priori” quality underlying this discussion.Roughly, it goes like this: man=husband=”happiness”. Find a man, make him your husband, and your life will change in wondrous ways enveloping you in a sense of completeness.

    I’ve come to adopt the “medical model” on the difference between men and women on this whole middle aged romance thing. Women retain their “connective tissue” their entire lives. It’s not just romance; it’s everyday interactions, friends, family. Sociologists call women “the kin keepers”.

    Men’s (I’m speaking generally, but also specifically as it regards me) connective tissue withers. We discussed earlier that a widow often will remain w/o an SO the rest of my life. My mother was younger than I am when she was widowed, and never entertained the idea of another man in her life. But she had worlds of people in all sorts of spheres she remained connected to; indeed, in that way her circle expanded.

    The many men I knew who became single were relatively young. A man under 60 who becomes single, I assume, will likely remarry (all the ones I know did).The Boomers are a big lot, and getting older every day (Americans like to stress the obvious); it will interesting to see what the elderly men who become single will do do.

    I recognize I bring little to the discussion. I rather have the impression that here I am a doddering old fart who wanders into the ladies’ tea time, interrupts with a non sequitur, releases audible flatulence of which he is unaware due to lack of hearing, and leaves to the embarrassment of all, most especially the host. I hope the host here does not regard me as such an imposition and favors me with an answer to my question. I have not read all of your posts, but I’ve seen you’re acerbic, brilliant, ironic, witty side.

    Will you show me another one?

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you for this. Unfortunately, I am not sure I can help you. I have been writing this every day since 2 July so can’t really think which posts to direct you to. I suppose, in answer to your question, in a nutshell: I would like a husband because I like companionship. Companionship is the stuff of human existence and, while solitude has its place, companionship is what makes the world go round and on the whole makes people happier than lack of companionship.

      • fi says:

        Dear P. Is it this simple though for you as after all your family and friends provide companionship yet they aren’t sufficient. Are you looking for something else from a husband?

      • The Plankton says:

        My short answer to this is that you are right but I could write pages on the subject. Family and friends are fantastic but the companionship of someone for whom I am significant and vice versa has a certain edge to it, no? My children are more important to me than anything but they won’t be around for ever. Px

      • fi says:

        The thing I miss is having someone to care for, and to whom i matter. Obviously if I dropped dead my parents, friends and children would notice, but maybe not for a few days. It would be nice to have someone who was involved enough in my life, and concerned enough about me, to notice quicker than that. 😉

      • The Plankton says:

        You said it! I agree entirely. Px

      • MissM says:

        I agree entirely P and Fi, relationships are the stuff of life. A significant other is a relationship that is on a different level than the relationships with friends or relatives. To be fulfilled humans need someone at both those levels (if anyone doubts this assertion look up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs under love and belonging).

        I have had relationships, I am not imagining miracles from having a partner, I know the reality and it offers what I want. I have never managed to feel that level of happiness when I am alone. I don’t think having a partner will provide a magic wand that makes joy materialise, but it does provide companionship and support. It means having someone to care about, and care for, someone that wants me around to make their life better. Some one who cares about me with the dynamic that comes from an intimate relationship, which is different from that of friends or relatives. Someone I can do nice little thoughtful things for everyday. Someone I can cook for and cuddle with. I want someone to share my life with, the good and the bad, not someone to just go on outings with. I want someone to sometimes spend time doing nothing at all with. Someone with whom I can just “be” and that is enough.

        I don’t think I am odd in this since I imagine that is what any generic plankton wants too. I never quite understand why desiring the things a relationship has to offer is such a difficult concept for some people that they assume we must instead have unrealistic dreams of unicorns and rainbows or something. Perhaps if those in relationships can’t even see what it is that singletons are missing from their lives, they are in danger of taking for granted what they themselves have. I suggest those with partners go hug them and appreciate how lucky you are.

      • EmGee says:

        MissM: ” I never quite understand why desiring the things a relationship has to offer is such a difficult concept for some people…”

        My best guess is that, by and large, they lack empathy. I can understand it from the satisfied Singles who are happy with exclusive rule of their own domain, and don’t want to feel beholden to anyone else. It’s the smug Marrieds, and others in long term relationships, who can’t imagine how empty their lives would be without their mate, that flummox me.

        When my father passed away in November, after over 50 wonderful years with my mother -and as widow myself- I expressed concern to my brother over how she would cope with living in an empty house, even though she has a broad social network and lots of friends. He, who has been married nearly 20 years himself, could only relate to no longer having shared responsibilities and the like. I could not get through to him how vastly empty an empty home can feel when one is alone in it. 😦

        As if a pet, a full social life, and/or a hobby is a satisfactory substitute for the bond between 2 human beings.

    • fi says:

      As someone who has been crIticised for calling people sad sacks for wanting a relationship , I’d like to challenge this statement that it is a difficult concept for some people, or that they are lacking in empathy for asking what it is that people are looking for. I think everyone would tend to think a good relationship with a compatible person is a good thing, but there are some people who will go into one or stay in one that isn’t good, or be with someone who isn’t compatible. And the less resilient someone is on their own, the less likely they are to be happy on their own, or feel the absence of a partner more keenly. It is possible to be happy on your own, while still thinking it would be nice to meet someone. To still enjoy the cake even though there’s no cherry on the top so to speak. And let’s not forget that relationships require hard work and compromises too that aren’t always offset by the benefits of being in one.

      • MissM says:

        Seems most of us here are not actually remaining in, or taking on, a bad relationship just for the sake of one though Fi. Sometimes what I feel is implied by people who question my desire to not be single is that they think I have unrealistic expectations of how different my life would be as part of a pair as opposed to being single. As I have said I have had relationships in the past, I know what work they involve, but I find the rewards are so infinitely worth it. I really enjoy what relationships do offer, maybe more than some people who like being single do. So no I don’t believe my expectations are unrealistic. For me the difference in being single or being in a relationship is more like chalk and cheese than cake with or without a cherry.

        Perhaps I get more things I value out of relationships than you do, or perhaps I just fail at single life, which is quite likely. As I’ve said before, I don’t care about being free to eat whenever I want if I must always eat alone, or being free to choose the holiday destination when it also means I must always go alone. I’d rather someone to cuddle than have the bed and covers to myself. Ownership of the television remote is not even on my radar of concerns. I simply don’t see any advantage in being single. Perhaps just less washing up, laundry and house cleaning to do, which is hardly a big deal to me.

        You can go ahead and call me a sad sack, though why you want to kick someone who is already down I don’t know.

      • fi says:

        MissM – I was defending my position, not criticising yours. As far as I am concerned there is room for everyone to have a valid viewpoint – we don’t all have to think the same.

      • MissM says:

        Apologies Fi if I came across as being harsh. I agree entirely that everyone is entitle to a different viewpoint, the world would be rather dull were that not so.

        I may be somewhat oversensitive. Plankton generally get so much advice, often contradictory, such as ‘you need to put in more direct effort to actively find someone’ at the same time as ‘you need to relax and be happy single it will happen when you are least expecting it’. Or we are ‘too fussy’ or ‘come across as too desperate and not fussy enough’. It just feels like whatever we say it gets criticised as being wrong.

        Not from you personally Fi, I don’t mean to imply that. But the little criticisms that come from all sides in general, all the time, they erode as powerfully as sand and the ocean. We tend to get a little raw after all that.

        Sometimes all we want is a little compassion and understanding and to know others out there are going through the same things we are. Being constantly told that it is everything we do or don’t do, or think or don’t think, that has left us in a place we don’t want to be in is something we get constantly. It is just bloody tiring and all I really want is a hug and some love and acceptance for a change.

  • tvmunson says:

    I am reminded of an old quote: a wife in youth is a mistress, in middle age a companion, in old age a nurse. With all due respect, your response is like me asking you what you want for dinner and you saying “I want supper”. But then your supplemental response provides it:significant companion i e lover, someone not a “friend”, nor family but significant. At least I see no other way to interpret it. You seek the circuitry of love; someone you love, who acknowledges that love, who signifies it by his in return loving you, not as recompense but with the same quality as your own, and you showing him you cherish that.

    It was to that I was addressing, and horribly misunderstand. That is the need that dies in many (not all) men my age. You have no companion, but need one. I have that companion, but no longer have that need. I love my wife, we have a wonderful life. Were I in your place I would regard my statement as the smug assertion of one who comfortably has what he needs, idly luxuriating in an absence unrealized as yet, speculating on losses he has not experienced. I wish it were that. what it actually is is worse.

    • Elle says:

      “I wish it were that. what it actually is is worse.”

      Tvmunsen, focus on enjoying the now with your wife. You may go before her, she before you, or both of you together. We have no control over when we are born or when we die and thinking about certain losses before they happen is futile as it doesn’t give you any more control over them. Be grateful for the good things you have right now and enjoy every waking moment you can with your wife.

      • tvmunson says:

        Thank you Elle. Writing what I wrote above was something of a wake up call for me. I apologize for using this site as some sort of confessional; I will never do it again.After I wrote it the starkness of it hit me; I realized I had to do better, engage somehow. While in this more or less reflective mood my wife suggested we see “The Descendants”. I’ll not spoil it for you, but if you see it and recall my above remarks-let’s just say it was one hell of a coincidence. I am confirmed in my resolve to do “better”-right now I don’t want to define what that is it too much. Men hate change, adapt to it poorly if at all, want to remain virile and 25 their entire lives and when that doesn’t happen define it as failure. We are also unrealistic and narcissistic and have other more serious issues. I have my work cut out for me.

  • rosie says:

    EmGee, my mum died early last year and my sister (who would be dead in a ditch or an alcoholic or a dead alcoholic if she hadn’t met her husband) said something along the lines of my dad ‘having to get used to being on his own’. Rampant hypocrisy doesn’t even begin to cover it. As for satisfied singles I’ve never met one.

    • Elle says:

      How is it that alcoholics rarely have problems finding partners despite the fact that their addiction often robs them of empathy and altruism?

      • EmGee says:

        Funny thing that. Alcoholics tend to be funny, smart and charming. The can also be empathic and caring when the disease hasn’t robbed them of it.

        Speaking as one who finds them attractive, there is also a the point of view from their partners who tend to be very co dependent and attracted to people with addictive behaviors, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. I regret that it took my husband’s passing to get me away from him and his horrid personality traits (although we were separated in the last year).

        I see a lot of unrecognized co dependent behavior here, of all sorts. Part of the reason so many of us are Planktons is because of that. I have worked hard to learn how to develop healthy relationships with the people I love (friends, family, etc), and I am a work in progress for sure. 🙂

      • Elle says:

        Indeed. I have dated numerous alcoholics (not hard in this country) and no matter what the drink always wins. A partner comes a poor second to the bottle. Yes, alcoholics can be charming. Sometimes it takes a few drinks to make a socially awkward man appear human. I think that’s why a lot of men drink here, the culture is so repressed and drink relieves them of their inhibition for a while. There is a short window while a man is drinking when he is very personable, then as he continues drinking he can get very obnoxious. The morning after he can be a monster.

        It’s hard to find a man in this country who doesn’t drink heavily, particularly as one gets older. Some women think “if I can’t beat em I’ll join em” and start to match their partner in alcohol consumption. I could never do that because I like running and fitness too much.

      • tvmunson says:


        The sine qua non of the alcoholic drinker, as opposed to the “heavy” drinker”, is the Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde phenomenon. By the end of the evening the alcoholic is nearly always isolated in his balefeul reverie, and woe to any who try to nudge him from it. None will. My very very best friend of 40 years is this.
        There is no hope of change barring complete abstinence. As to your question, it is a process of self selection. Were I a woman, I wouldn’t consider a relationship with him anymore than I would one with a tarantula. But some women (and men) are enablers., and their profiles are as consistent as the drinkers. Cheap psychoanalysis would suggest the drinker validates their own inadequacy. Maybe they derive a sense of power from “rescue”. I do not know. I do know health people do not from sick relationships. Having one with an alcoholic is sick and, ultimately, tragic.

  • rosie says:

    fi, forgive me if I’m wrong but I thought you lived with your ex husband?

    • fi says:

      No not me. I’ve lived on my own with my kids for the last 17 years, and now my kids are adults and have left home I live on my own. That was a choice I made (not to bring in step fathers as my second childs father was step father to the first and it didn’t work) however now my kids are adults I’m ready to dip my toe back in the water. I’d love to meet someone who would enhance my life, but feel I’ve managed perfectly well so far with my supportive family and network of friends, and my battery operated rabbit, and I’m really not short of offers from blokes should I want to grab one. At the moment though I also look at what they offer me and think about what I’d have to give up, and choose not to give it up. I’d love to meet one though that I did want to give up stuff for but I think the longer I am on my own the more selfish I become and the more capable and self reliant. Another single friend of mine has no longer any interest and she quoted an old lady who had said that although she liked men she had never met one she could be bothered to have hanging round all the time. And I think there’s where I’m headed.

      • fi says:

        And there have been a few blokes but I haven’t brought them across my threshold (at least not when my kids were there) and I ditched them as they wanted more of an involvement than I did. So although I would like to meet someone I would be looking for a one night a week thing (until and unless it turned more serious which it might never do) not moving them in, and the ones I’ve been interested in want more than that. It could well be that the reason I feel differently is that I don’t feel I am missing opportunities, it’s the other way round and I’m turning them down. The fact that I think this about my life is not a criticism of anyone else, and would appreciate it if some of the other commentators can accept that instead of getting annoyed that I feel differently from them.

      • Jo says:

        I may be entirely incorrect here. But I agree (somewhat) with Fi and I agree (somewhat) with the contrary views expressed here. Surely it’s not always a case of being happy/unhappy being single? Or conversely
        ‘wanting/not wanting to be in a relationship’? MissM is right. How could anyone ‘not want’ to be in a relationship? But I don’t think that is what Fi is saying. Of course, everyone wants to be in a relationship. But she is talking about her terms. May not be the same as others’ terms or wholly conventional. But what’s wrong with that? That’s what she would like from a relationship. As I say. Not a conventional view, but what the hell.There is not a one size fits all aspect to relationships. What may work for some may be anathema to others. As with all things, each to their own.
        Reminds me of that John Lennon song. ‘Life is what happens to you whilst you’re busy making other plans’.. A relationship is great. But one can be happy with myriad aspects of life whilst it’s not happening. And can still be described as being happy with life. Yes even whilst single. It’s not the same as being ‘happy being single’. It’s still being able to feel happy ( at times – which is also true in a relationship-. No-one is happy all the time.) even though you are on your own and desirous of a relationship.
        One may feel one would be happier in a relationship (universally true I think), but it is still possible to describe oneself as happy whilst single.

      • tvmunson says:

        Funny, I said much the same thing but as a man got labelled misogynist, sexist. Adn women wonder why we kee our thoughts to ourselves.

      • fi says:

        Tvmunson – don’t be so sensitive!! There’s no hypocrisy here as the women that criticise you also criticise me – or refuse to believe what I say. The only way some people can deal with a different view is to deny its existence or insult the person voicing it. At least I’m demonstrating that not ALL women think the same way.

      • tvmunson says:

        Overly sensitive-damn, in the U.S. that’s considered a compliment! Ok point taken. Adn thank yo for putting it in a nice way-what I really am is an irritable old curmudgeon but thank you fordoign the decent (decidedly feminine thing Imight add) of placing it in terms of my havign an overabundance of something good (sensitivity-not true) as opposed to soemthing bad (nastiness-true).And I do liek the ways you gals put out “fires” with grace, polish and finesses as opposed to gusy who generally make things worse.Point taken-sensitivity dialed back.

  • MissM says:

    EmGee also made an interesting point on the lack of empathy. (Thank you EmGee) I think I might have a touch of that since I still cannot even remotely understand how anyone could *not* want to be in a relationship. It is the same as not liking chocolate, okay I’ll take your word for it that you don’t like it but I am still going to think you are a bit strange, since chocolate is just so damn good. As being in a relationship is just so damn good, how could anyone not want that?

    Maybe being single is similar to liking olives, I cannot stand olives myself but some people like them. While I hate being single myself perhaps some people really do like it.

    I’ll file it under everyone is different, also known as “there’s nowt so queer as folk”.

  • rosie says:

    I probably should add that my sister isn’t and never has been an alcoholic (not to my knowledge, anyway!), just that she was a mess on her own.

    Being ‘happy on your own’ is such an all-encompassing term as to be meaningless. Happy on your own at 20, 30, 40? When all your friends are paired off and you’re the only one left standing? When you’re in your mid 30s and desperate for children? For a month, a year, a lifetime…what exactly?

    As for resilience I reckon fourteen years and counting of singledom means you’re allowed to tick that box.

    And MissM, no need to apologise for hating being single!

  • Jo says:

    Thank you P. x

  • Jo says:

    Hi Fi. Yes. I defended your viewpoint!

  • rosie says:

    fi, I’m probably one of those ‘criticising you or refusing to believe what you say’. I’m not by the way but I do find your comments contradictory.

    • fi says:

      I don’t think they are contradictory but I think it’s possible that a quick posting here doesn’t allow someone to expand enough to include all the nuances and a quick read over, which doesn’t allow the reader to ask for clarification, can leave that impression. The only bit that I can think that maybe could seem contradictory is that I say I’m happy on my own but would also like to meet someone but they aren’t mutually exclusive. So I’m not sure what you mean. Or I may have been voicing my views on one issue and that has been interpreted as a view I hold in general? I honestly don’t think I’m contradictory but its possible that not explaining in sufficient detail what I was trying to say could make it look that way. However one must try to avoid droning on and on and on…..

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