Scratched Record

January 12, 2012 § 30 Comments

I am not going to go on about fat because it is so fucking dull of me and not what this blog is about.  I ate broccoli and mango yesterday and so feel less fat today and I am sorry I went off on that tedious tangent.

I bumped into Smidgen yesterday – first time in weeks – and he gave me a huge hug, which was nice, and we had a friendly chat, but I am not about to go down that route again, I promise.

A new friend who has known Long Shot for ever, since they were children, and went on holiday with him last year, told me I am more than perfect for him and that I must email him, what have I got to lose?  He is very, very shy, she says, and it will do no harm whatsoever.  Think how annoyed I will feel, she says, when, a few weeks down the line, I hear he has a girlfriend and I hadn’t taken the bull by the horns?  I am not so sure about that, but I am thinking maybe I was too hasty in my judgement of him; I am thinking, well, I guess I could email him?

I do indeed have nothing, nothing, less than n-o-t-h-i-n-g to lose.


§ 30 Responses to Scratched Record

  • Jonathan says:

    At least, even if your e-mail goes unreplied, you will never have to wonder “what if”?

    • The Plankton says:

      This I agree with! Thank you. I just need to work up the courage… Pathetic, eh? Px

      • Jonathan says:

        Imagine if you received such a letter yourself….if it doesn’t intrigue him sufficiently to get in touch, then you can forget him. It doesn’t really matter what you write, only that you have remembered him.

  • Jude says:

    Yes, yes you absolutely MUST email him. You’ve said it yourself, you have nothing to lose. It would be such a shame to look back and regret not having typed a few words and pressed ‘send’, wouldn’t it?

  • rosie says:

    No, not pathetic, just natural! Do you know anything about his romantic history or could you find out? At least then you’ll have an idea of whether to pursue or leave well alone?

    ‘What if’ is torture and if it was me I’d have to go ahead and email (after determining he wasn’t a serial philanderer or whatever) but if I never heard back I’d have to retire to my bed for three days. But that’s just me.

  • Margaux says:

    Agree with Jonathan . We only get one life. ‘What if’ is a real head fuck. So when there’s nothing to lose you may aswell give it a go…. so… ……go for it!
    Can you find an excuse to make contact? Ask something about an upcoming book/project/any public appearances he may be scheduled to do?

  • Lindy says:

    Rather to my surprise, I am still feeling cross about your response to a comment after your blog yesterday about feeling fat – and we hear you ate broccoli and mango and feel better today – in which you said that you are a size 8. Perhaps because I’ve spent quite a lot of time with people with serious eating disorders, I found what you said a bit upsetting. (I’m a rather greedy size 10, by the way and lucky, lucky, lucky not to be one of them). Sorry, but although your blog is a great read – witty, intelligent and amusing and absolutely a forum for a grizzle – it is decidedly not a place for what you call, jokingly I know, body dysmorphia and I think of it as a bit self-indulgent and hope your children don’t hear you! Of course we all have days when we feel fat, unattractive or whatever, but now, one wonders about how much poetic license you employ, saying, for example, that you are about as “fit as a walrus”. I think part of your considerable appeal is your honesty and, whilst a bit of embellishment adds rather than detracts to your writing style, when I read some of the comments which were written after you had said you were a size 8 yesterday (though a bit more polite, perhaps than mine!) I did infer that a few people were rather shocked that you could use size 8 and “fat” in the same sentence and probably felt a bit “less than” themselves, as a result. I know that you will respond that it was just the way you FELT yesterday, but I still think it’s back to a bit of counting your blessings, which I know you are good at. Please forgive me if I am mistaken, but as you so rightly comment today, those sorts of issues aren’t really the point of this blog…….x

    • The Plankton says:

      OK, fair enough. Hands up! I shall be honest as is my wont – I had eating disorders in the very distant past – now quite gone – and no longer really relevant but some of those irritating feelings still rear their heads very, very, very occasionally and very, very, very faintly, when i am feeling a bit low or vulnerable or have overdone it a bit along with everyone else and in the very normal manner, at Christmas. I shouldn’t have got into this quagmire on this blog, so let’s not start (well, I started it; let’s say, let’s not continue) on it now. But point taken. Subject over. Best wishes, Px

  • anniebub says:

    Sometimes it just takes a tiny little nudge to wake someone up and see the light of day. What you really need is a reason to get in touch, something in the offing to bring you together. I don’t know, some kind of literary event or something…or better still a go-between to ask you both round…. but a little email wouldn’t come amiss just to remind him you are on the planet and are rather lovely, witty, etc., etc.,,,

  • Sarah says:

    There is hope for everyone. Here’s a dramatic story of one plankton which you might find heartening:

  • MissBates says:

    I hear you about the “n-o-t-h-i-n-g,” so go ahead — but do it SOON, so you can still say “Happy New Year” as a pretext.

  • Erin says:

    Please P, remind us again where he lives. Didn’t you say he lives in a different country?

  • fi says:

    Please please do it. Then either it’ll go somewhere (change of subject) or it won’t (change of subject)

  • Aidan says:

    Can I just say from a blokes perspective I was always rather flattered when the woman took the initiative in this way ( didn’t happen very often) so go for it. I suspect he will be flattered enough to let you down gently if he is not interested and who knows what will happen if he is.

    Men do need a bit of prodding sometimes.

  • Caz says:

    Dear Plankton … pleased to hear you say that – I remember advising you at the time not to be too hasty in writing off LS. re yesterday’s blog – yes, stick to the emotional stuff which you are so brilliant at expressing. You will offend a lot of women talking about being a size 8 and fat. It’s a dangerous game and I too have very close links with this minefield.
    Go for that e-mail and wish LS HNY….if you don’t expect to hear back you have nothing to lose!

  • Lydia says:

    The root cause though of all this angst and naval gazing may be in the food and in the brain, you know. Eat a stable diet, plenty of brown carbs, protein, regular meals, never have days with just fruit etc and people tend to be a lot happier. They can even be happy single believe it or not if they get their food right.

  • Caz says:

    …..for once I totally agree with you Lydia!

  • Dawn says:

    Was it Long Shot who rambled on unforgiveably about himself? Perhaps that was his way of opening up to you.


    Email the dude. Think of it like buying a lottery ticket. You may or may not win, but your only investment is a small fee.

  • Lizzie from Oz says:

    SO pleased to hear this is what you are going to do dear P!
    I remember being dismayed that you dismissed LS so readilyat the time. I recall having a very definitive gut feeling that he was purely just telling you all about himself. Which could have opened the door to further ramblings back and forth, from both of you.
    But instead you never wrote again. For all we know, he could have been floored to receive no response. Quirky he is, so expect quirky.
    And also expect that he will not just simply slot into all your preconceived ideas and pictures in your head of how he will be.
    Requires a little more investigation!
    Do it. Become his friend with no stakes in the consequences!!!

  • EmGee says:

    Urrrrrgh! It could take ages before he replies, but again, nothing ventured, nothing gained!

  • Jo says:

    Hmm. Okay……
    Fingers crossed dear P.

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