January 21, 2012 § 18 Comments
One Immediate rang me to remind me that another one of my Immediates had had an affair a while back with Michael Fassbender! OMG!
I vaguely remember said beloved Immediate telling me about a handsome – at the time, struggling – actor with whom she was involved but, boy, that’s a double first to put on her sexual CV. Movie star of the moment and irredeemably handsome.
Speaking of sexual CVs: mine clocked up a few qualifications once, not so many double firsts, but a riot of O’levels, A’levels, degrees, you name it.
Now, not so much.
Now, if I was applying for a post with a powdery old Madam in a joint on the outskirts of a tinpot town with a dusty trio of plastic roses in a murky bowl in the hall beneath a red lamp and a curling poster of shining, discombobulated tits; with cupboards passing for “rooms”, swirling carpets throughout covered in stains of dubious provenance, walls textured with porridgy paper ragged-rolled with nicotine from many a yesteryear, gratuitously nylon sheets imbued with quantities of mingled sweat and more besides, a pervading smell of cheap taxi cab air freshner mixed with industrial quantities of stale spunk, and punters with such bellies as they hadn’t seen their cocks since 1972, you know, I am not so sure she would think my CV hailed her lucky day.