Plankton Quote

January 28, 2012 § 49 Comments

I don’t normally go in for quoting film stars but The Times printed what Demi Moore said in an interview in Harper’s Bazaar and I thought it may have some resonance for some of us:-

“If I were to answer it, just kind of bold-faced, I would say what scares me is that I’m going to find out at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved.  That there’s something fundamentally wrong with me, that I wasn’t wanted here in the first place.”

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§ 49 Responses to Plankton Quote

  • I feel like that sometimes…..

  • Lydia says:

    I read that and thought of plankton and Indeed I quoted it to a boyfriend as being so sad, that some people think like that.

    In some ways this is the core issue. I feel good and loved and lovable. Perhaps the reason is that I was loved as a child or simply the balance of chemicals in the brain.

    I feel loving, giving and kind and that any man is lucky to have me.

    However I don’t need a partner nor define myself by whether I have one or not nor need one to validate me nor as a necessary precursor to my personal happiness.Ms Moore (thrice married) seems however by that sentence to suggest for her she can only feel loved had she had a marriage lasting X years. Yet she will have had love in her marriages and given it and will have the love of her children. Plenty of those in long marriages are unhappy and not loved.

    Last night I watched half of the Stoniing of Sorya M on youtube, a film which is more about the risks women run when they cannot financially support themselves than about Iran, a country I have been lucky enough to visit twice on business relatively recently; although of course that film also has much to say about male violence against women and the lack of power of so many women on this planet.

    • Elle says:

      Chemicals in the brain. Which kind? Naturally occurring, legal or illegal?

      • Lydia says:

        Go and study seratonin. I am very very serious about this. Most people who aren’t happy could change that if they wished through ideally diet and exercise but if not that then the very depressed need prozac etc. There are levels of stuff in the brain like seratonin, dompamine and our beta endorphins. The science of happiness etc. All good stuff.

      • Elle says:

        There are lots of factors that affect the balance of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine. The weather is one, nutrition another.

    • Yoga Gurl says:

      Lydia I am someone who is totally into natural health, exercise, diet, fasting, etc. I agree these help mood.

      HOWEVER, it does not solve the deep existential issues people have. If one feels unlovable, or has grief or sadness, no amount of exercise will get rid of it permanently. You need more than that.

      I’d be every so happy if only diet and lifestyle could get rid of my emotional issues!

  • joe says:

    Love is something you have to give yourself first. Once you do that everybody else starts giving you theirs. Such a sweet stupid woman.

  • rosie says:

    I read that quote too and I do feel sorry for her, as I would anyone in her position, but she’s had a fair whack at coupledom, more than a lot of people get anyway. And if I’m not wrong she left Bruce Willis, not the other way round? Crap that Ashton Kutcher just seems to have moved on though but I reckon she was just a meal ticket to him anyway. Which reminds me, have an unread copy of Grazia lying around somewhere…

    Oh, and I feel like that most, if not all, of the time.

  • MissM says:

    Resonance indeed, I can understand Ms Moore’s sentiment. I’m one of those people who think that a life without love is not really a life worth living. But it is not the looking back at my life at the end that scares me nearly as much as having to go through life without love in the first place. I envy those people who can go through life without ever feeling like that at all.

  • Josephine says:

    I know the feeling, although my friends & family love me, I dont have to question that, & I have been loved in the past, I just wonder if I will ever find that again, that feeling of been in love with someone that actually feels the same way as you do, being in a healthy loving relationship, although I think there is a differance between been lovabably & someone been in love, I know people of both sexes, of whom are not very lovabable, yet people fall in love with them all the time, think of serial adulteress, forgive me I am just feeling blue at the moment, another man has just let me down, after a lot of promises of a bright future, also Vatentines Day is just around the corner, this will be the 7th on my own, I dont want any advice on it, but I have tried all the normal routes, probably been a recovering Alcoholic in AA doesnt help though it is nearly 15yrs now, I’m so grateful that this blog is here, as I dont know of anywhere else we could be this honest about our thoughts & feeling without been judges or been told how we should be feeling.

  • fi says:

    Nah – you’re just not meeting enough new people and looking too hard and in the wrong places. This is a good set of reasons that folk may find useful, with solutions:

    http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2009/09/28/relationshipstrategies/20-reasons-you-dont-have-a-boyfriend/

    • The Plankton says:

      Thanks for this. In too much of a hurry to read it now but promise to do so tomorrow…Px

    • MissM says:

      It was interesting to compare the 20 reasons men are single to the 20 reasons women are single. I’d have thought his one would apply equally to both men and women, since it is not only men that can have this attitude: “You’re wonderful and perfect. You don’t need a relationship because everything you do, say and have is so delightful there is really no void to fill. It must be great to be you.”

    • Lydia says:

      A good list.

      • fi says:

        Lydia – I thought so. But I think you and I are similar in the sense that we take responsibility for where we are and have a problem solving attitude. Certainly for me if I’m somewhere I don’t want to be I try to figure out how I got there, why I’m still there and what I can do to get out. I sometimes forget that some people don’t think like that and feel little control over what happens to them

      • EmGee says:

        @ Lydia,
        I was in a lonely marriage too. I too was glad to be on my own when it ended, until I met someone who treated me so well and was a pleasure to spend time with – that’s when I caught the Planktonitis. Maybe a mild case, because I still don’t care to get married, but I try not to think about the inevitable time when this man, who is currently my housemate again until he can get enough together to get his own place again, leaves.

        @ fi,
        You are right about being part of the solution and the fact most people simply dwell in the problem. One may not be able to change their circumstances or the people around them, but they can change how they perceive things, which makes a huge difference in outcomes.

        The fact that there is continuing a dialogue here is proof people want change, but also proof that change is hard. Easier said than done!

      • MissM says:

        There is advice and lists a plenty on how to stop being single. Besides the amazing amount that can be found on the internet there are books, tv shows and films on the subject. A single person can’t move without being inundated with advice as to what they need to change. (Not surprising we can end up feeling that we are unloveable when all the time we are inundated with information on all the things we need to fix before someone could possibly want us.) But it is probably just a part of the whole self-improvement movement that is so popular today which preys on the various insecurities that people have.

        It is not that we are so stupid as to not have noticed or tried to apply the advice on offer. The advice given cannot guarantee that you will in fact change your situation, anymore than buying a lottery ticket can guarantee you will become a millionaire. Improve your chances, yes, but it is only an actual solution when coupled with a hefty dose of luck. It is not a simple matter of here is some advice, take it, apply it and you’ll never be single again. Otherwise there would simply not be any unhappily single people anymore. If it were as simple as doing a, b and c we’d find out what those steps were, do them and hey presto goodbye planktonhood forever.

        I agree with Josephine that the joy of this blog is that we can come here and be “honest about our thoughts & feeling without being judged or being told how we should be feeling”. So few places let us do that, the world in general seems to demand we have Lydia and Fi’s attitudes of being joyful and in control. My feelings don’t fit in with the world’s expectations, and I really enjoy coming here and finding that there are in fact others who also think and feel as I do for a change.

  • Erin says:

    I feel so sorry for her, I really do. However, I think it’s very risky for a woman to get romantically involved with a man so young, especially when she is past child bearing years. He was in his 20s when they got together. Madonna is a different situation. She obviously likes the younger guys who will idolize her and give her all the sex she wants. But if you’re looking for love, robbing the cradle can bite you in the ass later on, like it did poor Demi.

  • Sarah says:

    Wow, some incredibly successful actors are really fucked up!

  • Viviane Stevens says:

    When you feel like that remember all those who have loved/love you rather than the one person who doesn’t…

    V

  • Dawn says:

    Funny, my fear is the opposite. I feel like that pretty much all the time. I fear I’ll realize on my death bed that it could have been different but I screwed it up by having that belief.

  • mashatarle11 says:

    Dear Plankton, this quote from Demi Moore has been found on a lot of sites lately and it does show what a person can think when they are really at a low point in their lives. However, I would be very carefull in comparing yourself with her situation. She has consciously chosen a path that was from the begining a life of pretense and falseness- going through a lot of surgeries to keep her looking 25, marrying a man who was obviously not her maturity equivalent, and then divorcing him immediatelly after an affair…We cannot jump to judge these actions but it seems like a case of someone who thought she could have it all, wihtout realising that each of these choises has consequences. Now we see her naked soul – and she seems to have given up, because in a way she never has tried- her choices in life have led her to a dead end. I have read your blog and have seen the sense of loss and despair you often project but you are not like her. I can just wish that you can have hope and not find it in false promises of youth, beauty and new exciting men. She will soon be ” rehabilitated” and convinced by some spiritual guru that all is fine- she will probalby find another man, but her deep sense of loss will not change. She will probaly never find contentment as she has not found peace in herself and with God. So, however nice it may be to hear those words from her, which remind us of our humanity and vulnerability, better to quote those who have strenght, who have hope and whose life is proof to greater fulfilmment.

  • rosie says:

    Demi Moore also had a pretty shit childhood by all accounts and that’s something she’ll never shake off, no matter how much surgery or exciting men she has.

    As for me, I’m off to see this tomorrow:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2011/dec/15/dreams-of-a-life-film-review

    which may or may not be a good idea. This, especially, stood out: ‘a world of single people in single flats, living quiet, unhappy lives’. Oh dear.

    • Yoga Gurl says:

      OMG I just read about it. She was young, VIBRANT, and charming (from what I gather). I’ve been described as “vibrant” and “charming” yet, I still very alone, estranged from family (on the outside, not included) and live like a hermit.

      I am glad this did this film to wake up society. I love to care about others, ask about them, reach out but I have found so many are not interested or caring in this way.

      My goodness, what will be my fate? Yikes!

    • Yoga Gurl says:

      I just want to add I am surely not as beautiful as Joyce was, or talented, nor do I like to “party” although I love to go out and socialize once in a while. OMG I have similar family situation as her. This rocked my world. If it can happen to someone like her, it can happen to any of us.

  • EmGee says:

    Apart from exuding a lot of self pity, I personally find the quote a head scratcher. There are a lot of people in the world who feel unloved and alone, married, unmarried, coupled up and not. If she doesn’t figure it until she’s on her deathbed, it’s a little too late.

    • Lydia says:

      I loneliest of all in my marriage and wake up every day still absolutely delighted he is not there.

      These things are usually all about your mental state and not your circumstances.

      • Yoga Gurl says:

        I agree with this in many ways except,when one is lacking in conversation and companionship, basics that everyone needs, no amount of mental exercises will heal that.

        I am sure she is feeling pain but come on, she has so much more than most of us. She has loving children…money….friends and family. Some do not even have these things. She can start again.

  • If it’s Hell out there , for a Millionaire……give me strength !

    • Lydia says:

      Whether you have money or not life can be tough. The things that make it hard are rarely just related to money. Illness and death hits everyone.

      • Yoga Gurl says:

        True but those with less money have that ADDED stresss in addition to all the existential issues.

  • Bambi says:

    P, I suggest you stick to your ‘normal’ behaviour (ie. NOT quoting film stars)……..!!!

    i know you don’t necessarily subscribe to the view expressed by DM, and you DID get a discussion going (which is all good and, of course, the very purpose of your great blog), but, just in case you WERE having any doubts, you have to know that you are loved…. by us mere mortals out here who read your blog with interest, even if we don’t always comment.

    Oh, and by the way, Josephine, for what it’s worth, I think you are wonderful. 15 years? Wow. Any man would be lucky to meet someone who battles an illness daily – and has won that battle for so long already – presumably with pure grit, determination and the support of some fine people; that cannot be a minus….

    I am alone (ie ‘manless’), but I feel very loved. However, i hasten to add that I have never been to Iran. Those of you with a wry sense of humour will ‘get’ this. Enough said.

    • Bambi says:

      PS. Sorry about the caps (for emphasis) – can’t seem to get italics on this blog…don’t mean to SHOUT!!!

    • The Plankton says:

      I agree! It was very lame putting in a quote from a celebrity, I apologise. But I was staying with friends and was so short of time… Posting at weekends is no mean feat but I never wish to let the side down. I haven’t yet posted today as it has run away with me, but promise to do so shortly. Px

      • MissBates says:

        Don’t apologize, Plankton — the quote, regardless of the source, is poignant and on-topic for this blog. And while I’m not particularly a fan of Ms. Moore’s, she is a human being going through a heart-breaking experience, no matter how foreseeable it may have been, or how foolish we may think she was in entering into such a marriage.

  • rosie says:

    MissM, I agree. The problem is that the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ brigade are so far up their own arses they’ve lost the ability to see straight. Funny too that the ‘advice’ they’re always more than willing to dole out never seems to work for them.

    • fi says:

      Rosie . You make it clear time and time again that you are annoyed when I post something you don’t agree with, but to be honest I’m not thinking of you when I do. There’s really need to keep making statements like “up their own arses”, obviously referring to me, if I have an opinion that’s not the same as yours. Its actually not all about you! Other people may find it useful, or not, or they may not care enough to read me. Being a bit blunt here, your over inflated view of your own importance in the scheme of things, and your anger at other people who aren’t like you may, just may, be hindering you more than you think.

  • rosie says:

    btw, if anyone’s interested in going to see Dreams of A Life (a true story about a beautiful, vivacious woman who ends up dying alone in a bedsit and rotting there until her body was discovered three years later) it’s heartbreaking, and a reminder that there but for the grace of god.

    • MissM says:

      I had to look ‘Dreams of a Life’ up on the net after you mentioned it earlier, it sounds like a very tragic tale, heartbreaking indeed, and even more so because it is true. People dying and going undiscovered for months or years are in fact not as uncommon as one would wish. I don’t think I could bear to watch it, some things are just too close for comfort. (Although if I did die right now I would be discovered quite soon, I could so easily end up being the person who has no one who notices my absence.) I found Ellen Burstyn’s performance as the painfully lonely widow living a solitary and meaningless life in her apartment and eventually descending into amphetamine psychosis in ‘Requiem for a Dream’ disturbing enough to haunt me to this day. It is all too easy to imagine a future for myself that is the stuff of nightmares.

      I think I’ll stick to something cheerful like ‘Snowtown’. (Kidding just a tad there, since that is based on a South Australian serial killer it is disturbing enough, just in a different way.)

  • rosie says:

    “your over inflated view of your own importance in the scheme of things, and your anger at other people who aren’t like you may, just may, be hindering you more than you think.”

    haha, be still my aching sides.

  • rosie says:

    The fear of descending into some kind of solitary-living-induced psychosis is the reason I’ve never dared watch Requiem for A Dream!

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