Carnage

February 15, 2012 § 19 Comments

Valentine’s night was spent with a girlfriend who had gone to a lot of effort to cook a delicious supper before we went to the cinema, and that felt lovely.  On the way, we saw couples through the windows of various restaurants, which managed to feel both lovely and unlovely at the same time.  They all looked about seventeen, sitting there with single red roses between them on the tables and doubtless brimming with things to say to each other, unlike other sorts of couples in restaurants who are a little older and have fuck all to say to each other at all.

Carnage was what we went to see and, oh, how fitting it was on Valentine’s night, to watch middle-class politeness disintegrate before our eyes; the marriages of two couples exposed beneath the civilised facade of art books and coffee tables to be the mayhem of anger and misery that they really were.  At one moment, a husband speaks bitterly of how little young couples know of what’s in store once they get married, once they have kids; how they don’t have a fucking clue.  How it’s all a complete nightmare.

So it was, on Valentine’s night, I managed, for once, to feel good about being a paltry plankton after all.

Woke up this morning and the feeling hasn’t lasted, thank God, in a way, because while I do know carnage-marriages like that, I also have my Standard Bearers whose marriages I know fine well are not like that at all.  But the film certainly got me through the business of seeing all those doe-eyed young couples with their odourless single red roses and dizzy hope and looks of love so laden, the kind of which I can merely remember and, even then, only sort of.

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§ 19 Responses to Carnage

  • Lydia says:

    I was out last night too and I liked watching the couples, people meeting at the tube, at the hotel where I was etc. It is romantic and joyful. There was also a wedding where I was which was interesting too. I don’t nkow Carnage as i don’t watch films but yes some marriages are awful and we are very lucky not to be one of those, those of us who are lucky enough to be single.

  • Penny says:

    Morning Plankton. I was at home last night, quite happy, had a nice lunch with a girlfriend. So agree with you, I see and hear about young couples getting married all so happy. As you say they have no idea how difficult it is all going to be. All my friends/and my sister, bar one couple, are divorced. 1 in 3 couples will get divorced, its a known fact. They are so convinced its going to work when they marry. They say that after the wedding and honeymoon some women get depressed because suddenly real life happens, and its all an anti climax.

    Yet I would still like to meet a lovely man!!

  • June says:

    Yes P heard bout that film, and as you say when you watch things .like that does make being a planktion sound good.

    I too spend last evening alone had a nice and funny lunch with female friends and two of their children, But again relationship problems reared their head, one of my friends with a relationship that quite frankly has been com ing apart at seams for years and still is, was bemoaning her fate, she seems to think should get into anoither rel ationship straight away, we say no, but she so hates being alone i have a horrible feeling she will, then expect perfection and wont get it and the saga will start all over again.

    As you say that feeling of how lucky does not last as even with my friend im thinking at least shes had a relationship and others on horizion if this one finishes, shes still young enough,just. Thats what i said to her, finish relationship whiile you still have time, because in a few years you wont, just dont rush into anything quickly.

  • I have not seen “Carnage” yet, but I do want to see it, I’ll probably see it soon…

  • Jamie says:

    I thought it was an interesting if wince-making film – not least because the relationships between the four individuals oscillated throughout with alliances being made and broken continuously.

    Despite being newly separated I don’t share the comments above about the inevitability of relationship breakdown. I think the trick is to find someone worldlywise who feels grateful for a second chance at life and is prepared to ride out the peaks and troughs. Is that impossible?

  • rosie says:

    The 64 million dollar question. It bloody well seems like it!

  • Empress says:

    I am one of “those people” Elle, my almost ex is divorced. I was and still am willing to face the struggles, peaks and troughs. He is running away. I am left to wonder why on earth I invested all the time and emotional energy in putting a raw and broken man back together only to be abandoned at the first hiccup.
    No doubt someone will tell me its a chance we all take when we gather our courage and take a chance on a relationship. It still hurts like hell though.

    • EmGee says:

      So your attempt at playing God hasn’t been very successful, then? Sorry to be so blunt, but thinking you can fix people is a surefire way to send them running ‘at the first hiccup.’

      • MissM says:

        Since your response seems rather unlike you EmGee I am going to suggest you may have the wrong end of the stick, and that Empress was not trying to ‘fix’ her man in the sense of changing him to match her ideals, but rather help him to mend himself after having been damaged by his divorce by offering her love and support. Of course I know neither of them and am only guessing, but that was my interpretation from her post. Of course it could be me holding the stick at the wrong end, but this end does look nicer.

    • MsHaversham to be says:

      I’m just plain sorry for your pain. I know how horrible it is to spend time supporting a man through everything and helping him get over a nasty last relationship- breaking him in as it were- only for him to sod off elsewhere with some other woman getting the benefit of your labours.

      You’re not the only mug if that’s any conciliation

      • MsHaversham to be says:

        Consolation not conciliation. Bloody stupid iPhone predictive text. It always changes a perfectly good word into something else! Grrrr

    • Brigitte says:

      Empress, what you just experienced was “bachelor rehab”. Many newly separated or divorced men need this before they can commit again. Some need just one time in rehab, others need more. You’re not so much fixing them (as EmGee put it) as helping them find themselves again after a long stint with a girlfriend or wife.

      The same thing happened to me in 2010. In my case, he had a hard time adjusting to being single after 18 years of marriage and went running back to wifey when she took him back Christmas 2010. I was a little insulted to say the least. Usually, they leave “rehab” with their confidence restored, ready to date and find the “right one”.

  • rosie says:

    Empress, I don’t know your circumstances or whether they’re in any way similar to mine, but when I was with my ex I could see the end coming from a mile off and hung on for dear life anyway. It made me feel even worse when it inevitably came. At least if I’d told him to sling his hook rather than the other way round I’d have ended up with my dignity intact, even if everything else felt like it was falling to pieces.

    Re raw and broken I’ve known men in their 30s and 40s who are still coming to terms with being dumped as teenagers and have the whole of womankind down as cold-hearted bitches.

  • Anon2 says:

    Interesting article in D.Mail today – someone who found a new love after her long marriage ended. I’ve just been reading the link mentioned – http://www.ffifty.com – a lot of advice in online dating if anyone is interested. Makes me feel a lot more upbeat and optimistic than this blog.

  • Empress says:

    Wow Emgee, talk about kicking a woman when she’s down. If showing compassion, love and support to a someone who badly needed it is your idea of playing “God” then you have my sympathies. To everyone else my thanks for your kind and thoughtful words.

    • EmGee says:

      I know it does sound harsh, but I speak from experience; we may think we have put them back together, but we were only the glue.

  • I saw “Carnage” with a friend of mine last Saturday 02/18 evening-

    WOW!!!

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