March 4, 2012 § 53 Comments

Well, it seems I have very so nearly nailed a date with Long Shot next week, I can almost smell it, la di da.  He has sent me another email (kerching!) and while it wasn’t definitive, because he writes in such a way as never quite to lay himself entirely on the line, I would say, unless I am a complete donkey, it’s pretty well in the bag.  (NB. I advisedly use the word bag not sack; there’s a whole galaxy of difference, obv).  A d…d…d…date at last!  Whew!  Took a while, eh?  No expectations, mind.  None whatsoever.

Still, time to come up to the wire, everyone.  A few prayers, please?


§ 53 Responses to D…D…D…Date

  • Catherine says:

    A prayer, a prayer has been said. Guest post is coming to life.

  • maria says:

    That’s wonderful news, P. Finally, he saw the light. Please do keep us informed of all the details, please (well, not all…)
    All the best.

  • maria says:

    Oops, I didn’t mean to write please twice. Apologies.

  • rosie says:

    Kerching indeed! While I don’t want to be the voice of doom though (honestly) I’d be irritated at his mercurialness by now. Surely suggesting a set date and time, or giving you the option of a few, isn’t that hard? I think I’d have to email back and say ‘great, let me know what dates you have in mind, I’m busy on x, y, z…’ or some such.

  • Alison says:

    I agree Rosie, and also don’t wish to be a prophet of doom either P, you say it could be next week, well isn’t it a bit close to next week and you have not acquired mind-reading techniques I assume yet. However, the plus side is the possibility nay … probability and you do know that his weakness -is- his inability to commit to a time, place or person so are forearmed and can relax and just enjoy the date. Look forward to hearing about it

  • Jo-Jo says:

    Fingers, toes, and everything else crossed for you P, and prayers sent by the dozen! Good luck! x

  • Charlotte says:

    Fingers crossed!

  • Lucy says:

    Another prayer from me.

  • Erin says:

    Good luck to you, Dear P! Just remember, calm, cool, collected, no expectations, but….drop dead gorgeous, be yourself and send out the “I’m interested” vibe and not the “Just friends” vibe. No pressure, luv – LOL! Hoping everything goes the way you want it and that he will crack open that shell a bit and let you inside : )

  • Josephine says:

    Good luck with a handful of prayers, just be you

  • Lydia says:

    My current interest has just declared he has herpes.

    When you expect to be seduced and flattered and aroused and instead you’re on herpes association and STD web sites it’s not very romantic. He’d better have other qualities. Anyone got any herpes experience or advice?

    • Elle says:

      No. Best person for advice would be an STD consultant.

    • Twinkletoes says:

      My advice? Run a mile… in the opposite direction! 🙂

    • Lydia says:

      I am quite open minded,. May be that’s why I feel there are a lot of men around. It certainly is off puttnig however. I did say even if it might work I wouldn’t go near anything intimate until we’d both been together to see a consultant (doctor) specialist in this area in London. That didn’t put him off – he said it was a good idea.
      It reminds me of a man who asked me out after a work thing a few years ago who before we’d even kissed wanted us to make an appointment and he made it at my local STD clinic for the sake of our children. He wasn’t wrong but it just wasn’t very romantically done and then we fizzled out because he was keener than I was so he cancelled the appointment. Where was your third date people might later have asked. At the STD clinic I would have had to answer.

      As for current man… what have you got to offer me? Only herpes might be the reply.

      • Elle says:

        If we were all willing to accept men with STDs then none of us would be plankton. I prefer my men clean and disease free. If I can’t find one of those I’d rather be alone. Certain STDs are treatable, but a reasonable man would surely get treated and 100% clean before approaching a woman. If a man doesn’t do that then his standards aren’t very high. And the standards of a woman who accepts this kind of man are even lower.

        It’s quite scary really. Imagine kissing a man on the first date, then going for a second only for him to say “by the way, I have herpes, I hope you don’t mind!”


      • Lydia says:

        There are two kinds. I am becoming an expert. Amazing how interesting it can be dating men.. although herpes research might not have been at the top of my list, I might have preferred an obscure sexual practice or something or an unusual hobby. It cannot be cured. He does all one can do if you have it. There’s still a risk of catching it. Not nice.

      • zoe says:

        I was at University when the world first became gripped by the “new” STD, herpes. “Incurable” was the word that reverberated most.

        “What’s the difference between true love and herpes?…Herpes lasts forever”, was the joke at the time.

        A female friend of mine told me she had it. She then started going out with a very good male friend of mine. I had to make the uncomfortable ethical decision as to whether to tell him. In the end I decided my obligation was to respect her confidence, despite my greater friendship with him. Some time later, he announced at a dinner party that he had contracted herpes.

        It wouldn’t be long before the world was gripped by AIDS which seemed like it might be a divine punishment for all the unnecessary hysteria around herpes.

        I suppose the question is: would you let yourself be put off by someone who got cold sores on the mouth? Same thing; more or less. And if not, why not? Why does the site of infection make the difference?

        We know the answer, of course. A heavy religio-historical tradition that associates sex with sin has left us with a legacy of shame when it comes to a sexual infection. I’m not altogether surprised that Elle has responded as she has, laced through as her comments often are with a strain of sexual disapproval that bears its Roman Catholic stamp.

        As I didn’t get much further than Wikipedia, Lydia, I will have nothing new to add to your research. But I confess that I was surprised by what I read. I’m clearly behind. Approximately one in five have it; 9 in 10 of those don’t know they have it; it can be passed when the carrier is asymptomatic; condom use only provides a 30% protection rate. At that rate, it might be hard for any of us to know for sure that we’re “clean and disease free”. And that goes for you too, Elle.

      • Lydia says:

        zoe, I’m still wrestling with the issue. I think it might be a tipping point given other difficulties but I’m not sure. I don’t want to catch it and there would be a risk and then if it didn’t work out with him, I’d have his dilemma – when to tell new partners and it’s unlikely to enhance my dating CV – has herpes (if I were to catch it).

        I am also very healthy and I thought the last thing someone living where he does who is very active, cycles etc to make up for being impoverished, left wing and all the other downsides was health. If there isn’t even health…

        So there we go – the old rules “people like us”, stick with your own, classic match making etc may be are wise. Go outside your natural target market and it’s more likely they will be ill as that goes with income and class on the whole, STDs, poverty and all that comes with it. I should stop being such a liberal in my dating and simply do the internet searches by £150k plus income so I can get someone at parity with me then and probably find they also have middle class health standards too and he might even share my views on tax policy. We even ended up almost falling out in one recent email over the laws on secondary picketing… is there hope?

      • EmGee says:

        @ Lydia

      • fi says:

        @Lydia 😀

  • Elle says:

    I’ll say a prayer for you to find the best possible outcome with Long Shot. Good luck and keep the faith.

  • RS says:

    Exactly what Elle says, except that my fingers are crossed since I don’t pray!

  • Chris says:

    Eeyorr!!……..couldn’t resist that !!

  • MissM says:

    Hoping for the best possible outcome as Elle said, sending wishes for lots of good luck, since like RS, I don’t pray.

  • AMJ says:

    This calls for multiple exclamation marks!! Exciting!!

  • EmGee says:

    ” No expectations, mind. None whatsoever.”

    🙂 Perish the thought.

    Positive Outcome Prayers on their way. Probably unnecessary, but cheap at half the price, so why not?!

  • Patrese says:

    Fingers crossed from me too, though, in contrast to Maria (above) I suspect we will want to know ALL the details…

  • Twinkletoes says:

    Positive vibes being mustered up for you 🙂 x

    • The Plankton says:

      Thanks, even whilst I am running in the opposite direction! xx

      • TwinkleToes says:

        My ‘run a mile’ comment was not directed at you, P.

      • The Plankton says:

        Oh good! Sorry I misunderstood. Px

      • TwinkleToes says:

        No prob, P. Just to clarify, I was suggesting Lydia run a mile from the man with herpes. Or any man with herpes, come to that 😮

        I wasn’t suggesting you run a mile from LS. Nooooo, you need to grab him and kiss him tenderly, given the chance. Or not so tenderly, depending on how the mood takes you! 🙂 x

  • thirtysomething says:

    Sorry to burst some of your bubbles, but I know just under, say, 10 friends (in their 20s, 30s and 40s) with (genital) herpes, who in turn know other friends w/herpes, who know still others with herpes, and on and on. Particularly if they’ve been or were single and dating for awhile. They might not always disclose this, however, especially those who rarely get outbreaks, and especially knowing some of your (rather outmoded, might I be allowed to say) views on the subject, but just FYI.

    Yes, good luck, Plankton!!!! xxx

  • “Well, it seems I have very so nearly nailed a date with Long Shot”

    First of all, he has a name. Make one up if you have to. “Long Shot” turns him into an idea, not a person… a sketchy idea, at best.

    This guy has been teasing you along for months. Yet you still stay interested. He is hesitant to commit to even a date. Just the vague whisper of a potential date and it’s worthy of a blog post? Your legion of validatrixes are too cowardly to tell the truth: This guy is just not into you.

    Why is he a long shot? Because he has options regarding women and you want to be his only option. Many of his options are younger. Biology always wins.

    You will be part of his soft harem, at best. Given his lack of interest, you’re not not even a moderate priority.

    He’s the top 20% of men that most women desire. He knows that he’s the gatekeeper of commitment and he is exploiting that to his maximum advantage.

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