Date with Long Shot

March 7, 2012 § 41 Comments

A date with Long Shot was a long time coming.  I am writing about it for Monday’s Times which will be posted here on Tuesday, somewhat lengthened.

It was my first date in twenty years and was not by any means a disaster – I liked him and had a nice time and think he felt the same – but nor was it much of a success.  Sorry not to say more at this stage.  It is still sinking in.   I am thinking about it and moving on, flatly.


§ 41 Responses to Date with Long Shot

  • Lydia says:

    We shall have to wait to see to hear all the detail, but if you don’t strike while the iron is hot sometimes you lose the chance. I hope he either saw some legs or cleavage if you are still interested in him.

    I think just have a lot more dates. I have a lot (internet dating mostly) and it’s fun but I don’t set a lot of store by it as often you meet someone and there just isn’t the right chemistry but you still have a nice chat or not nice chat.. thinking about the dtae I accued him of being both racist and sexist and then there was the one with the radically different political and economic views but he was fun because he was a brilliant economist. They have to get into my knickers by getting into my brain. Perhaps I need an IQ test for them first.

    • fi says:

      I think you should devise a questionnaire to sift out the ones who are below par physically, intellectually, financially, culturally, educationally and of course most crucially those who aren’t middle class. 🙂

      • Lydia says:

        I am little miss open minded if you look at who I have met and dated. I do like brains but sometimes when someone is so different (and Herpes Man and I have talked about it a lot) everything is then harder. It’s frustrating that that is so. I could choose them onincome bracket if I were lazy in which case they probably are more compatible on most other scores. Instead when I look more broadly than that you then find loads of things are totally different from work ethic to family life to health even.. I haven’t met a man earning what i do who has herpes so far (although of course one cannot know and only good people disclose it).

        Why can’t they be poor but sing really well or have my hobbies. Surely everything I do and am is not solely determined by my income level and class. He doesn’t even read the same papers. Political views then tend to diverge too. However it doesn’t stop my looking outside the box as it were if they’re clever and nice which of course he is.

        You can tell their class by the first conversation, first few words sometimes. Herpes man slipoped through my careful net because from huge poverty his parents sent him to a boarding school (only child) although he then in effect slipped back from whence he came but without changing the voice.

        All good fun. Lots of nice men.

      • zoe says:

        Lydia. You get herpes because you have sex with someone infected with the herpes virus. Not because you have sex with someone earning less than £150K. Your idea, promoted on this post and a previous one, that you are protected from STIs by sleeping only with high net worth individuals is quite frankly batty. Unless, that is, they never have sex. But that’s clearly not the case. It’s a category full of fuckers.

      • Steve says:

        Blimey Fi, there won’t be anyone left!

      • Lydia says:

        You’re right – there is a 1983 research paper which found there are no correlation between social class and STDs but I was only suggesting so in gest. Here was I stepping nicely out of my box to think about someone who was very different and he is the one with the herpes, not the others. So in that little study I am in deed right but there is not necessarily any correlation. Mind you I think he thinks he got it from and he mentioned someone years ago who sounded ab it dubiious. I don’t think she was a prostitute but he certanily put it to me that he caught it because of the type of woman she was which of course as we know is not the reason she had it. He did pass it on to one partner which is not good news.

        it’s feeling a bit too risky for me at present.

      • Ah yes, and research from 29 years ago should definitely be considered to be current.

        In fact, the Masai tribespeople in Kenya are the only people in the entire planet Earth who seem to be somehow genetically immune to HIV, resulting in a nearly 0% rate of HIV infections within their communities. And the indigenous tribespeoples in the rural areas of Kenya are many things, but for teh most part they are very far from wealthy…

      • Bambi says:

        Fi, might want to include ‘devoid of sense of humour’ on the questionnaire too…. 🙂

        Lydia, ‘They have to get into my knickers by getting into my brain’. I am confused at this (perhaps it is the way it is worded…). Does this mean that your brain is in your knickers?

        Personally, I would relinquish the brilliant economist for the sake of a man who makes me laugh..and if he could make me laugh while in my knickers…well, all the better….

  • MissM says:

    Oh dear, not that there is a lot of information to go on at this point, but it does not sound like you are walking on air, which is a shame. Sending you internet hugs, because hugs are always good.

  • J says:

    P, I’m sorry too that it wasn’t as good as you were hoping. Hugs, especially on such a wet and grey London day.

    There is one thing I wanted to ask and I hope this doesn’t sound odd, but did you say to each other beforehand that you were ‘going to go on a date’? That particular word, ‘date’?

    I ask because I’m not sure I know any longer what a ‘date’ is. I’m envisaging a future for myself where I have various male friends and we meet up every few months for a chat etc (just that!). If you were to ask them whether they’d been on a ‘date’ with me, they would be rather startled and say ‘a date? No’. I wouldn’t say I’d been on a date with them either.

    What is a date nowadays?

    I might have to go and look in the OED to see how they define ‘date’!!!!!

    J x

    • fi says:

      I think a requirement at the very least is that both parties think it’s a date, even if it’s not verbalised as such.

    • The Plankton says:

      J, This is a very good point. No, we never called it a “date” in fact, and I have been thinking about that a lot these past few days. Did he see it as that? I bloody hope so, but wonder? But he took me out to dinner alone and paid (though I did offer). I think that counts, no? Pxx

      • fi says:

        It depends on what was said WHEN IT WAS ARRANGED! Not who picked up the bill. I don’t think it was a date though P, I’m afraid I think you span (spun?) it into one because you wanted it to be one. Because you’re going through life looking for a husband among your small circle and anyone who looks like they fit the criteria of being known to your friends and artistic. You’ve exchanged a couple of emails with him, and that’s all. Yet in your head you probably have already worked out which bits of furniture you’re prepared to move to accommodate his when he moves in. I’m not trying to be cruel here, just blunt (because I’m afraid that’s what I am) but you need to get a grip on reality and stop living in fantasy land. Get out more and meet new people. Go internet dating and meet new people. Otherwise life really will continue to pass you by while you sit and daydream it away. Said with kindness – can’t help it if I’m a blunt speaker I’m afraid 🙂

      • Lydia says:

        He took her out. He paid. He’s male and she’s female. Unless they are brother/sister old friends it’s likel to be a date. You can make it a date when you’re on it – you can flirt and talk about particular subjects and presumably she dressed up.

  • MissBates says:

    Hmm — you “liked him and had a nice time and think he felt the same.” I think that’s the definition of a successful evening. Plus, remember that many would regard “not a disaster” as the very apogee of middle-aged dating. Once when I was still in the game — in the early years of planktonhood — I told an old friend that I had actually been asked out on a date the “old-fashioned way” — i.e., by a man I had met casually at a lunch for mutual friends who telephoned me a day or two later and asked me out to dinner. So stunned was my friend at this remarkable turn of events that she asked, “so, wait a minute…let me get this straight — he just spontaneously called and asked you out?” When I confirmed that this was the case, she persisted: “And he doesn’t absolutely repulse you?” We laugh about this vignette now, and “doesn’t absolutely repulse you” has become a bit of a catchphrase with us.

    Of course, I am just going in for a bit of gentle teasing, Plankton. Your date with Long Shot was bound to be a bit of a letdown after all the build-up. I look forward to reading your account in the Times.

  • fi says:

    I’m reading a book about the history of lonely heart advertising. Apparently the first advert that there is still a record of dates from 1795. The older man is looking for a good looking younger woman….

    • Steve says:

      T’was ever thus, Fi. Nothing’s changed! 🙂

      • fi says:

        Nope. We’re still old crones albeit in better condition 🙂
        And as a further blow – there’s an ‘agony advice’ page from 1691 where a woman of 18 doesn’t want to marry a 58 year old men but her parents are tryng to make her because of “the Great Scarcity of Good Husbands”

      • Lydia says:

        We all want someone good looking whether we are male or female. It’s how the species is made. It’s why ugly plankton don’t get laid/get a husband etc and ugly men find it harder to get women. I don’t think it’s as gender different as people make out. Obviously if you earn a fortune, male or female, it can be easier to get or buy sex.

    • The Plankton says:

      Well, plus ca (no cedilla that I can find on this keyboard!) change, as they say in France! xxx

  • Barry says:

    10/10 for effort and tenacity P . I don’t get the Times here …so I await your deconstruction and hypothesis of the moment with interest .

    I am happily married, but always notice attractive females, age immaterial. We are a far from glamorous couple, have totally different interests and wildly differing ages…even our Nationalities don’t match ….but ….. WTF ? I just roll with it and She does too, maybe it’s a secret ingredient we have found but neither of us know why we are together and having a good life .
    I never analyse WHY I like a person, and I’ll disregard any faults if the whole is greater than its parts. Luckily, my Wife is of the same moment !

    I think I missed out in my earlier life by not looking at “Planktons” you do seem a very nice species to me .

  • Erin says:

    Oh, P, I’m so sorry : ( Please don’t get discouraged. LS always was sort of a wild card/free spirit (?!) and you need a man whose feet are firmly planted on the ground. Maybe now you can ramp up your efforts on the Internet dating? Just a gentle prod, mind you. Time is on no one’s side (except perhaps Mick jagger).

  • rosie says:

    Sorry to hear it didn’t go to plan, P, but you can hopefully ‘move on’, as they say. At least you’re off the starting block, which is no mean achievement.

    @MissBates, if someone rang me up and asked me out on a date I think the shock would require me to be airlifted to A&E!

    • MissBates says:

      @Rosie — It was a few years ago, but I remember being puzzled for a long moment as to what he was even getting at — as he was also a lawyer, albeit in a different specialty, I simply assumed he was calling to refer a case or ask a question. If the same thing were to happen today, I too would probably require first aid.

  • Oh dear, I had secret hopes for ol’ LongShot. I suppose he could grow on you, but if he’s as flighty as you’ve mentioned before, you might never have time to find out.

    Still, you can wear your tee-shirt with pride: “I got a date out of LongShot”.

  • Margaux says:

    Sometimes dates take a while to ‘cook’. The eyes across a crowded room or dinner table and you both ‘just know’ – doesn’t always happen that way. I remain optimistic….

  • “…I’m going out for a drink with someone with whom it was vaguely awkward once, it still could be, but probably won’t be as he is now just a friend….”

    Sound familiar? Okay, you were referring to “Smidgen” and not “Long Shot” when you wrote that last week….

    Once again Ms Plankton, it is largely all in your own mind. The course of the evening is partially decided BEFORE the two of you meet up, based on your own mindset:

    “Ah, lovely cafe for dessert, isn’t this? Shall we try the goji berry decaf tea? I see that it’s imported from Nepal. Have you looked through their list of ice cream flavors yet? Are we in the mood to share a shot of Armagnac? And while we’re at it, gee have I mentioned to you yet that even though I’m presently 47 and a half, I’m finding that sometimes I really feel more like I’m already 110, and more and more so these days….”

    You may as well refer to him now as “Zero Chance….” if that comes across….

    • Lydia says:

      Absolutely. There are ways to flatter and seduce whether you’re male or female and your conversation and how you are can determine where you get (unless neither finds the other attractive).

  • On second thought, you could try telling the next man that you’re interested in about this blogsite. You won’t be lonely for much longer after that…. I promise….

  • EmGee says:

    If he asked you out, just the 2 of you, then it’s a date. Not a big deal, no need to complicate it. Sorry there weren’t fireworks, but that’s just the reality after so much anticipation, not a disaster, which is good! The question is, will you go out if he asks you again?

    On the other hand, knowing his propensity for surfacing for a brief moment, then disappearing into the murky depths for ages, perhaps it’s best that there were no pyrotechnics.

    • fi says:

      Not necessarily. For instance in the last email P sent she could have said something like “let’s catch up next time you’re in town” and as he is in town and at a loose end thought he’d give her a call and see if she was free. She could have said “I’m interested in hearing about your latest trip for an article I’m thinking of writing” and he could have given her a call because he’s in town and the idea sounded interesting. She could have said “I’m in the bit of town as I’m going to see an exhibition – fancy going out for something to eat?”. None of these would lead him to think its a date. I go out to eat/for a drink/to the movies with friends and neither of us consider the occasion a “date”. It’s all context and only P knows how it arose. But it doesn’t really matter as if he were keen I think she’s know it.

  • rosie says:

    Oh, for goodness’ sake, if a man takes a woman he barely knows out to dinner – unless he makes it explicitly clear that it’s ‘just friends’ or work, or he’s got one week to live and he’d like a Last Supper – then it’s a date, whether he pays or not. He’s a grown man, not some spotty, gormless teenager.

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