Guest Post from Margaux

March 15, 2012 § 74 Comments

Many thanks to Margaux for this guest post:-

I never realised I was a Plankton until I read the Plankton Blog.

I looked at the evidence. Over 50. Tick. Single. Tick. Live alone. Tick…Yes, I can hear the peels of plankton laughter now.

Here’s me. Since the departure of my significant Long Term over 10 years ago, there has been one Highly Erratic and a couple of What’s Going On Here Thens. Call me foolhardy or call me delusional but I remain optimistic.

Here’s why. We become what we believe we are. Too old to find a partner, a lover, a Significant?  Sure, if you believe it, who am I to disagree with you?

So here’s a question. If you didn’t know how old you were- how old would you be? I have one friend who decided she was too old to ski at 50 and promptly gave it up, yet age hasn’t occurred to another friend’s husband as he hurtles down black runs at 67.

The internet dating sites may be the zeitgeist way to find a partner but the emphasis on age does all of us a disservice. No one knows what age looks like anymore. But we all happily filter and are filtered by others according to our preconceptions and self imposed limitations.

In 1979 Harvard Professor Ellen Langer devised a study to see how much ageing is a product of our state of mind. She took a group of elderly men and created around them a time capsule world of 1959. She wanted to find out what would happen by taking them back 20 years. In 2010 Michael Mosley did the same in a BBC documentary with a group of older celebrities – taking them back to the 1970s. The results in both studies showed that when people thought they were ‘younger’ again they behaved as such, right down to how they walked. Their memories, mood, flexibility, stamina and even eye sight improved in virtually all cases.

I love that.

‘But act your age!’ I hear you cry. ‘It’s unseemly to be a Plankton and think we are still young’.  Why? Where is the manual that lays out guidelines for behaviour according to age?  I advocate disregarding the date on your birth certificate. So if you want to go quad biking or buy leggings from Top Shop, climb Kilimanjaro or dye your hair pink – why not? However you do it is down to you. Harking back to your youth and lamenting it has gone forever won’t change anything. But you can change your attitude, embrace the here and now, decide you aren’t past it and forget the society strictures that tell you otherwise.

A post 50 friend came to stay recently. She lives her life full of self imposed rules gleaned from the dictats of magazines and newspaper articles. No wearing jeans after 50, no eye shadow if your eyelids are a bit crinkly, sensible skirt lengths, shorter hair.

Sod that! I said. Whose are these rules?  Where do they come from?  She couldn’t answer.

Yes, we may live in an ageist society but I firmly believe age is a state of mind. Decide it’s all over for you and it will be. Decide it isn’t and you may just surprise yourself. Yes, finding that elusive someone is hard in a world where youth is exalted. But I believe that if we start by taking a long hard look at ourselves and then bin our self imposed limitations it may just become a little easier.

And as Henry Ford once said: Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.

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§ 74 Responses to Guest Post from Margaux

  • THAT”S IT!!!

    Let’s all donate 1 piece of furniture, article of clothing, a book, a magazine, vinyl records, audio cassette tapes, VHS tapes, obsolete electronic items and appliances, etc. from the early 1980’s to Ms. Plankton. We can assist her in re-creating some rooms in her house that look like they were zapped into the present day directly from 30 years ago…. (non- persihable items only here, please)

    Ladies, step aside, Ms. Plankton is going to be finding a man now!!!

    • Elle says:

      Scott, do non-perishable items include Plankton?

      • Elle says:

        Plankton plural, as opposed to Plankton singular. We are all perishable, hence the plankton angst.

        No need to enter an early 80s time capsule, the clothes are back in fashion. I don’t think that any of us want to go back to VHS tapes, snail mail, telephone kiosks, analog technology and heaven forbid, cassette tapes!

  • I’ve seen those fashionista rules, and laughed.

    I also laughed when my ex-h’s (French) grandmother told me I shouldn’t be showing my shoulders after 40, or have an aperitif alone.

    I love it when people tell me I shouldn’t do things for a random reason because it guarantees me a good laugh.

    I’m wary of skiing much though, mainly because of my knees which complain loudly if put under too much pressure.

  • Babycakes says:

    Got to throw away the rule book on age. My granny (who’s pretty highly strung and nervous really) learnt to drive at 64 and passed her test on the second attempt.

    She is now nearly 90, lives alone, cooks for herself. She did yoga for years, into her seventies. Recently went round to her house, we were looking at photos, spreading them out on the floor, and she sat down next to me, getting up and down as easily as anything.

    The Henry Ford quote, is a useful one, for reminding you of the power of positive thinking.

  • fi says:

    Margaux. Fantastic post.

    • Margaux says:

      Thank you Fi
      ( and big thank yous to P too – it was fun having a go!)
      x

    • Jo says:

      Margaux.
      YESSSSSS!!!
      My twin!

      • Jo says:

        Obv. Still not gone!
        Esp. With posts like this…Agree 100%.
        100% after my own heart. Bravo.

      • Margaux says:

        Thanks Jo 🙂

      • fi says:

        I love the guest posts. Because they show the diverse range of people and personalities that read this blog. Because although we may all be in the same boat, we all got here via different routes. Because some of us are prepared to do things differently from what’s expected of us, and because we’re still enjoying ourselves. I like the optimism that people show and that it’s not the stereotype of bitter spinsters sitting at home with a cat crying into our gin because we don’t have a man.

  • Lydia says:

    It is worth people reading the science of getting older. Perhaps I need a science geek man after all, despite my lack of enthusiasm for the same. Look at the mitochondria and look at what should be eaten to keep it all healthy.

  • Sarah Perris says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! These are my thoughts EXACTLY, and wonderful to see them so beautifully articulated. You have shored up my confidence and I will continue to shop in the same ‘retail outlets’ as my 15 year old daughters! I am who I am – and how dare any shoddy magazine have the temerity to tell me what I should/shouldn’t wear and how I should/shouldn’t behave “at your age”.

  • RS says:

    I loved this post Margaux.

    My experience with the “age” thing and men on the internet is that it’s primarily men around and above 50 who are most concerned with it. I get tons of contact from men in their 30s (and 20s) and they aren’t concerned with my age in the least. It’s the guys 50+ who are looking for someone younger – and I might add they’re sadly prone to the “I dress smart” and “I’m housebroken” comments as well – and who I always call out. I just think the younger ones get that age in many cases is just a number because how we act and ARE doesn’t depend so much on when we were born.

    • zoe says:

      And, worst of all, “all my own teeth”.

      • RS says:

        You made me spit water over my keyboard! But I only laughed because it’s so true.

        And then, when I call them on it, I get “but I’m young at heart” and “you can’t blame me for being a visual creature”.

      • MissM says:

        Being a visual creature can work the other way around too, older men may only want the younger and attractive women, but younger and attractive women may not want those men since they are old and ugly. As if men are not the only ones who have eyes.

      • RS says:

        Exactly MissM.

        Some men don’t see themselves the way the rest of the world does.

        There’s a cartoon being posted and reposted on Facebook. A man and woman each looking in the mirror. The woman, slender and attractive, sees in the mirror a hefty, unattractive person. The man, who is hefty and unattractive, sees reflected back at him a fit, handsome guy with broad shoulders and a six pack.

      • MissM says:

        I have seen that cartoon RS, though not on facebook since I don’t use it.

        That cartoon is funny because it is true, and I have often wondered why that is so. Perhaps it has something to do with living in a world where a female newsreader will no longer have her job once she reaches a ‘certain age’, while a male newsreader can go on until he reaches retirement age. A world where male actors can be old and craggy and still have lead roles while a woman is expected to have had plastic surgery and be botox smooth even when she is supposed to play an older role. (Though admittedly the US movies scene is much worse for that sort of thing than the the British or Australian movie industries seem to be.) Maybe it would help if the romantic interest for a man in every film or tv series wasn’t also the sort of woman who wouldn’t look out of place in the world of modelling. Especially if the man is mature, give him a lady who is his age, and endowed with real hips and maybe a bit of the belly she might actually have if she had given birth to the children that are supposed to be hers in the story.

        Perhaps it is no wonder women can develop complexes and see ourselves as much worse than we are when we look in the mirror, the standards we are being held to are just that much higher than for men.

  • Mezzanine says:

    Margaux

    Excellent post, a joy to read :0) x

  • Dawn says:

    The over 50-men are hoping a young lovely on their arms will prove they’re not really old yet. They forget that by comparison, they look positively ancient next to that lovely unwrinkled skin.

    Too right, Margaux! Excellent post!

    And not wear jeans! MWA HA HA HA! I don’t wear skinny jeans (mostly on account of skinny and I are not from the same planet), but I shall wear jeans as long as I damn well please. If I’m still here when I’m 90 and I can find jeans that fit, I’ll be wearing them.

  • Dawn says:

    Hmm… perhaps over-50 men would be more accurate.

    • Elle says:

      I think that over-40 men would be even more accurate. Elle McPherson (stunning at 47) was apparently dumped by her very average looking boyfriend of 2 years (age 43) for a 25 year old. Not even supermodels escape being cast onto plankton hell!

      • MissM says:

        I lost any possible sympathy for Ms Macpherson since she admitted to using illegally procured products from endangered species as a beauty aid. I say let her be cast into plankton hell.

      • fi says:

        We don’t know that do we though? All we know is that the relationship apparently ended and he’s now with a 25 year old. Maybe she dumped him because he was tedious in the extreme and she couldn’t bear listening to him any longer and he’s retaliated by bribing a young girl to pretend he’s attractive! If we really think we’re dumped for younger women simply because they are younger then I think we are discrediting the men we know (by implying that’s all they care about – it simply isn’t the case), and discrediting ourseves by saying that a woman’s value is tied up with age, youthfullness and attractiveness. Not very feminist. And I’m starting to be a bit depressed by endlessly being told by other women that I’m past it, valueless, and no-one wants me and its only going to get worse.

      • RS says:

        Here here Fi.

      • Lydia says:

        Yes, gosh the number of younger men who pursue women my age is huge. Women increasingly choose younger men and some relationships work and some don’t.

        We were all told the other day that those of us in mid life are at our peak and that’s true. We’re settled, happy and often at the very peak of our earning powers because we are so good at this age. It’s much much more fun and easier to be in your 40s than 20s.

  • Barry says:

    Excellent post Margaux, and thank you P for being so generous with your space . I heartily endorse everything you wrote .

    I’m in my 2nd childhood, and loving every day of it . Playng in two Rock Bands, riding a vintage 750c Motorbike and partying with French friends ….”I’ll sleep when I die” …lol

  • Alison says:

    hehe loved it Margaux, I am 55, and my mother-in-law told me that after 30 I should cut my lovely midback length thick chestnut coloured hair as women over 30 don’t look good with long hair and it should be short and bobbed.

    So I grew it in defiance and it is now past my waist and still looks good and is the same colour (with a bit of help). I also have my eyelashes tinted, limitations are indeed self imposed. You go girl and thanks Margaux for the reminders too.

    xxx

  • Rubia in Jimena says:

    What a lovely, upbeat, uplifting post! And so very true. Thank you, even though I am not a plankton I have many friends who are, and I am cheering them on.

  • EmGee says:

    What a wonderful post, thank you Mageaux!

    Life is tough enough without creating fictitious rules about how anyone should behave or dress, etc.

  • With all due respect to Mr. Ford, capturing someone’s attention, engaging them in a pre-romantic dialogue which in turn leads to an emotional relationship is not something subject to one’s will, like climbing Kiliminjaro. As Epicteuts would say, certain things are within our power, and certain are not. We can of course choose to exude confidence, be exuberant in our discourse, choose to focus on our innate positive qualities, ignore or diminish our negative ones,be radiant in our acceptance of ourselves, but when dealing with another human being we have almost no idea what ,if anything, nor how it is perceived. It is not like an arcade game where, with enough skill and attention, one can maneuver the crane with the toy to the drop box. Nurture a positive attitude, realisitcially assess the situation, place your bet, and let the dice roll.

    • Margaux says:

      I agree with you Tom.
      How are you doing by the way?

      • Well, in my state it is disingenuous to give the polite “ok” so I won’t. The University of Washington (my son is getting his PhD) there is considered the gold standard in the Pacific Northwest. I got a second opinion. Just like the first (Herman’s Hermits “Henry the 8th”). I completed my first round of palliative chemo last week; I have this week off and we start again. I am swollen and bloated; if I remain so in the morning (it is 11:20 pm here) I am instructed to go to the emergency room for potential bowel blockage. Also if I experience nausea, extreme pain, vomiting.

      • Lydia says:

        I hope it isn’t too bad. It sounds nasty.

        On your post that is indeed right although people can practise and see how they are diong when they meet women although don’t ask. I am fed up with men the first time I meet them asking me – how is it going, how am I doing. It makes them sound so unsure of themselves.

    • MissM says:

      But positive thinking is supposed to bring life-changing results such as increased wealth, health, and happiness, Rhonda Byrne tells us so in ‘The Secret’. All I need to do is to change my thoughts, believe firmly enough in my inevitable success and it will come.

      • I think if you define the issue correctly, Ms. Byrne is right. What is the ultimate goal of having wealth and health? Happiness. Positive thinking,which after all is only a description of “changing one’s perspective”, is as old as the Stoics. If you travel far enough, get beyond comparisons, and keep going you will find you have all you need, and if you make that all you want, well, as The Beatles say “Baby you’re a rich man (woman) too!” But be careful; ONLY take this journey if you ARE determined to see it to its end. Stop halfway, and you’ll find yourself over an immense chasm of despair,into which you will straight away plummet.
        Remember, ultimately it is the existential emotional experience you seek, not its so-called trappings. Happiness is an ingredient you add to your recipe, not the resulting cake.

    • Lizzie says:

      I agree with this comment 100%.
      A man’s perspective!

      • Yes; but like all men’s, obvious and not a little hortatory. I was comparing it to the others here, and I notice a glaring absence of emotional nuance. I was hoping that maybe we could explore the male/female thing for an answer to some of the issues raised in this and other recent posts, but I don’t see it. What I wrote is more of what guys say to each other; for us, problem solving is a matter of power (wealth, sometimes violence). hierarchy, connections, and insidious side deals.Reading here I infer for women it is much more about soothing what Abraham Lincoln called “the sore spot”.

      • joules says:

        Dear TV
        Ok I am going to take up this discussion – could leave it thinking that oh I don’t have time right now but lets face it, you don’t have time not to have this conversation NOW. I think that the issue might not be a woman/man thing exactly, just different ways of problem solving. The type you refer to is more common in the business world etc. where the application of power can result in what is a definite win. The other type of problem solving is more living with the fact that winning may be unlikely and is more a case of acceptance being a form of winning. Walking into the valley of the shadow of death takes not only the first type but also the second, where one measure of winning will be how one deals with the experience.
        I am not sure it is really problem solving but knowing that I am not alone in something means that it is easier to bear.
        Is that what you are on about?

      • EmGee says:

        @ Joules
        Hi! I am from NE too, but I left about 30 years ago, and have lived in SoCal since ’89.

      • Joules says:

        @EmGee
        Way too spooky. I left for Scotland about 24 years ago. Still go back tho’, spent part of December there.

    • To joules:

      Yes; my American fulsomeness could do with more than a dash of your British crispness. This comment will appear out of sequence, but I’ve no earthly idea how to change that.

  • My picture came up magically. Wish I knew how I did that.

    • Elle says:

      I hope you’re comfortable TV and all goes well. Hang in there, it would probably mean more for your son to see you well than to get his PhD.

  • terracotta says:

    Great post Margaux – I am not a Plankton but there again I don’t write as well as the Mighty P. or your good self. Who cares what some intern on a fashion mag. writes as to what’s in or not – they are probably about 19. I always imagine firefighters sifting through the charred remains of fatalities in a plane crash – who cares then if the tights are Wolfords or the bag Prada – blimey what a weird thought. Ive been in Texas too long – I want to go home!

  • Joules says:

    Marquax – great post. Reminds me of the poem about old women wearing purple, with red hats. I wear purple now, though no hats. Must admit to never knowing that I will have to get rid of all my jeans in a little over a month. That is not going to happen. And as for my high heels – not giving those up either. Interestingly I would say I have had a younger outlook since the ex left. And dress younger as well. In fact I used to say I felt 17 still but then went through a rough patch of feeling 100. Now back to 17.

    • EmGee says:

      Just had to respond to this, because I just finished making a credit card payment on some very old purchases I didn’t even make. I for one, will never again be a willing participant in someone else’s folly. There were days in my marriage when I felt 100 years old, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t harbor ill feelings over ‘losing’ my 30s and early 40s, even if it was my decision to stay in the marriage. The truth of the matter is, that toward the end, I was afraid of being out on my own and starting over from scratch. I was willing to hang in there and scrape by until things got better. He took the easy way out.

      I love my bf, but one thing that endears me to him is that he doesn’t want to be tied down, not because he thinks there may be something ‘better out there’, but because he values his freedom. We don’t ‘owe’ each other anything. If the consequence of that is that he is free to come and go, and contribute to the household as he sees fit (right now it’s gardening, building a compost pile, bringing organic groceries back up here from where he lives part time, where it isn’t so expensive, etc), then so be it. As Erma Bombeck put it, “these are the ties that bind (and gag)”.

  • Meant to say “what, if anything, is getting through”

  • rosie says:

    When I was a teenager I used to think that at 40 (not that I was ever going to get there) I would be sporting a shampoo and set, wearing A-line skirts and American tan tights and listening to Nice FM. Luckily, none of it came to pass and I still wear pretty much what I did in my twenties and thirties – minus the short skirts, that’s a middle finger to old age too far – have no OAP bouffant and make a point of not listening to Terry Wogan & Co.

    But I don’t think it’s so much our own attitude to aging, whether we deny it, ignore it, rage against it or just get on with it, rather than how other people see us. Look at all the schtick Madonna’s been getting for her ‘risque’ new videos. And she is starting to look a bit sad. You can go on getting your tits out forever and writhing around like a mad thing but there’s going to come a point where you’ll frighten the horses. There a big difference between refusing to ‘act your age’ and desperately trying to replicate the way you looked in your prime, because there’s no way you ever will, and no one wants to be the oldest swinger in town.

    @MissM Didn’t know that about Elle Macpherson, that’s pretty shocking, but I bet she’s not the only one. Silly cow.

    • EmGee says:

      “…but there’s going to come a point where you’ll frighten the horses.”
      😀 That one brought tears to my eyes!

      Actually, I dress better than in my 30s (although I wouldn’t mind having that body back), because I no longer live in constant fear of criticism and ridicule from the person I am living with. Funny thing is, he relied on me constantly to help pick out his clothes when shopping, and asking me if he looked presentable.

      • Elle says:

        Frighten the horses? I don’t think so. If they like Camilla then there’s hope for us all. 🙂

    • MissM says:

      So true in that Madonna is fooling no one, she was always a tart, now she is just an old tart, maybe she thinks otherwise.

      I’m not sure why anyone thinks they ‘have’ to dress a certain way at any particular age. I once heard a saying that said something along the lines of you know you are getting old when you you care more about whether your outfit makes you look good rather than whether it is the latest thing in fashion. In that case I have been old for decades already. Fashion to me has always been just a marketing exercise focussed on making you buy new clothes that you don’t need. Sure you can take it into account but there is no point in being a slave to it. I really do just want an outfit that makes me look the best I can, and always have done.

      Oh and yes Elle and her rhino horn is all over the news, surprised you missed it. Someone on tv commented that the only way the rhino horn could be of any use to Elle would be if she strapped it on.

      • Elle says:

        I didn’t know Elle McPherson used rhino horn or any other substance from endangered species. Her ex is probably as shallow as she is, that’s why he left her for a 25 year old. Anyone who abuses others (humans or animals), directly or indirectly, for the sake of vanity deserves what they get.

        She should be impaled on the horn of a charging rhino while wearing a set of her underwear line, Elle McPherson intimates!

      • Margaux says:

        Ah ..but what do you think Madonna ‘should’ be wearing?

      • MissM says:

        I don’t have any ideas of what Madonna ‘should’ be wearing, only that what she does wear does absolutely nothing to make her look anything other than a tart, which is how she always dressed anyway, so I guess it is just what she likes. People will tend to look even less favourably on old tarts than young ones, and you simply can’t get past the fact that Madonna is no spring chicken. So as long as she is dressing for herself and not to impress others, all is well. If she thinks people are looking at her and seeing the twenty-five year old Madonna, then I think she is delusional.

        The best compliment Madonna can ever hope for is a “she looks good for her age”. On the other hand people don’t seem to need to add the caveat “for her age” when mentioning Helen Mirren. She just looks good. I think not trying to pretend she is still twenty-five helps her look good because she chooses things clothes that are flattering, rather than trying to make some statement about how she can wear the same things she used to out of pure defiance.

        In all honesty young and beautiful people will look good in spite of what they are wearing, it can be a potato sack or get up that is totally ridiculous. The rest of the population however tends to benefit more from putting a little effort into finding clothes that actually enhance their appearance. But in the end, what you as an individual are comfortable with, is all that really matters.

  • Jane Ferguson says:

    Terrific post, thank you Margaux. Really enjoyed it (not that I dont love P’s too).

  • Lizzie says:

    Fantastic post. Well done Margaux.
    And yes, I dress much the same as I always did, but judging from the old photos, probably better! (It’s just that the body was better then!)
    MissM, really that clinches it all – just make sure you look good in the outfit and that it suits your body shape. After that – wear anything you damn well like!

    • Dawn says:

      When the rest of the world starts asking me for advice on what to wear, that’s when I’ll start to worry about what the rest of the world thinks of what I wear.

  • rosie says:

    I can only find stuff on Elle Machpherson and rhino horn from 2010. Even the Daily Mail, which exists solely to tell Middle England that the world is going to the dogs, and women – unless they are 22 and supermodel gorgeous – how fat, stupid, old and ugly they are, hasn’t picked up on it.

    • MissM says:

      Well we don’t get the Daily Fail here in Oz, though I do read it online for a laugh on occasion, especially when it gets linked from other sites I visit. In all honesty I cannot say I really followed Elle’s horny tale, given that celebs are not my focus in life (for that read they bore the heck out of me) though when I did see it mentioned in some other blogs recently I made a mental note of what a horrid person ‘The Body’ must be. All body indeed, brains are dubious, but as for ethics she has none. It seemed to be general knowledge when that fellow made his comment on tv the other day. Maybe they are digging up old news. I guess it is good that they are not letting her get away with sweeping it under the carpet.

      If it is true, which I gather it is as Elle herself had tweeted it, I don’t care if it is recent or not, that sort of behaviour is deplorable. It is a totally useless beauty product, rhino horn is composed of keratin, the same as hair, fingernails and toenails, with a bit of melanin and some calcium. Even if it did have some benefit I would prefer to see rhinos being allowed to life their life than having to die purely for some stupid human being’s vanity.

  • Lindy says:

    Read this twice, Margaux – great post!

  • june says:

    Margaux, i agree with everything you say, i feel the same,who the hell makes up these rules, women over 50 shouldnt wear short skirts, jeans, have longer hair, I have to confess i was slightly inclined to that way of thinking myself, til i was seriously ill just after 60 and then thought what the hell ill do what i want. So with my dad going into care i moved to the city where i worked and yes i am still a plankton but now i dress how i want, and ive grown my hair, encouraged i have to say by my younger friends. For instance last night i was going to fashion show with one of them, who is 45 , i wore a short black skirt, with opaques, i said to her do you think this skirt a bit short for someone of my age, no she said nothing wrong with it, i said i thats what i love about you……. you never make me feel too im too old for anything.

    As you say think old,act old you will be, age is a state of mind, of course we cant stop getting older, but we can stop feeling it and thinking young, dressing young having younger friends and no damm ageist rules makes a hell of a difference. Problem is as a plankton, where do you meet men with the same attitude, because most men in their 60s seem way older than me and younger ones wont date the over 60s,

    • MissM says:

      I have no idea why men seem to totally give up on their appearance as they age, but they do. Never mind ageist rules or not, they just seem to not put any effort in at all. Any man who makes the even tiniest effort is going to do himself a favour and stand out a mile from the rest of the crowd. You’d think since they claim they are such ‘visual creatures’ they could do some evaluating in a mirror occasionally.

  • rosie says:

    Can’t remember which journo it was but they described Madonna as ‘innovator turned tragic copyist’, which I think sums it up well. I used to love watching her vids (liked her music as well although never went out and bought it) but at this rate she’s going be dancing around half naked with a Zimmer frame.

    Helen Mirren is amazing and the the object of many a younger man’s fantasy, or so they say. I’d place bets on who they’d pick for an actual night of passion if the choice were between her and Megan Fox.

    • MissM says:

      Oh lord, half naked Madonna and a Zimmer frame, not sure if I should laugh, or rush to get some bleach for my mind to rid it of that image.

      I truly believe that some men would actually choose Helen Mirren over Megan Fox for a night of passion, but they would be in the minority. The numbers would go up for more mature men, since for some people the vacuousness that is often encountered in the young is truly the opposite of an aphrodisiac. For others though, they will simply have mastered the art of selective hearing.

  • Catherine says:

    Margeaux you have such a beautiful name! I have also read this post more than once. I do agree, what we feel can be right, and I am certainly not going to dress dowdy because I am 48. But if Botox and rhino horn cream feel ‘right’ for some, then what is going on here? My point is that our choices, after 35 or 40, are sometimes dictated by the pressure to appear young, when I believe less importance should be given to the cosmetic, and much more to how we feel – as we age – within.

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