Date with Surprise Twinkle

March 21, 2012 § 137 Comments

Of course, it is just too unlikely for words.

A date has been mooted and I am thinking, come off it, surely some mistake?  This man is inordinately brainy, young, handsome (oh, so handsome!) and for a million and one reasons I am thinking, this ain’t possible; This Cannot Fucking Be For Real!

First, I am thinking, well he’s suggested meeting up not because he fancies me you twat, but because he wants something.  Advice or some kind of help he supposes I can give him (though I can’t for the life of me imagine what?), or something.

Second, I am thinking, I am an arsehole to suppose for one moment that his intentions are of a romantic bent.  How can they be?  I am older than him by quite a lot (not sure how much, probably five or six, but could be as much as ten or twelve years?)  He  must be gay.  He must have a girlfriend.  If not, then he must be Brandon in Shame and addicted to having zipless fucks with anything that perchance crosses his path and happens to be alive.

Third, I am thinking, after years of frankly useless and fucked up twinkles with their erectile dysfunction (speculative, but one possible explanation for their mixed sodding messages); with their mixed sodding messages (!); with their  communication issues; with their disappearing acts; with their (all too) advanced years; with their obsessions with fricking boats or their ex (or dead) wives; with their commitment-phobia; with their Asperger’s Syndrome; with their marriages, goddammit; I am thinking, when at fucking last a normal-seeming fellow turns up, yes, even better, stinking of cliche, when I was least expecting it – only not normal because he is brilliantly clever, inordinately good-looking, mightily charming and apparently interested in me – the cynical antennae jolly well just do start twitching.  There’s nothing for it but to think, what the hell is going on?   Else I am cruising for more than a bruising, I am roaring towards a roasting.  Why on earth would he be interested in me?  As I write, I think I am old, and I have children, and I think about things like nits and ketchup and funny ways to remember a second declension neuter noun like “bellum” and how much one can allow certain parties of a certain age to say fuck and is Decorator Dave coming today to fix the shower door?  All the while, ST’s thoughts are on an entirely higher plain, up there with the great philosophical questions de nos jours, thank you very much.  And his looks!  Mine so wanting, I can feel my bunions and eyelids bulging as I write, and detect the blemishes on my shins and knees in which some may see a life lived fully but in which most would just see banal history and bullishly marching age.   I think, I wish I hadn’t picked that spot slap in the middle of my cheek long ago, the one which chose to get its own back and bloody well stay, in the form of a neon red dot, malignly, perennially twinkling.   I think, tits: too down.  I think, arse: too beanbag.  I think, hair: too beach (which is fine at a Bonjour Tristesse seventeen, but rather less becoming on a Hotel du Lac).  And I wonder, not entirely fleetingly I fear, about the state of the unspeakable mortal atrium which has had its fair share of footfall in its time and could seriously do with the pelvic floor equivalent of getting the decorators in.

I am entirely, completely, wholly, totally, 100% pessimistic.  I am thinking, this date ain’t even going to happen, let alone end up with a Result.

So what bloody right do the butterflies have to have dropped in unannounced and just started, without so much as a bye your leave, on their rather tedious, excitable thing?

Butterflies.  Oh, so bourgeois; oh, so predictable.

 

Advertisements

§ 137 Responses to Date with Surprise Twinkle

  • Lizzie says:

    Hope springs eternal.
    That’s what it is.
    And it’s completely beyond your control.

  • fi0na says:

    Wow great description!! Enjoy the moment!!

  • Lindy says:

    Too exciting for words. And little mots dropped here and there along the way viz being a size 8 and now ‘beach hair’ (cor!) make you sound, dare one say, not exactly plain yourself! And we know you are lively, witty, amusing and intelligent, so what’s not to like? Apparently, we women judge ourselves down in terms of looks, slimness, style etc., by about 20%. And we are harshest of all on ourselves about our age. Bet you don’t read The Mail’s You magazine (can’t believe I admitted to it here!), but there was an article last week all about the gals who have married/are dating adoring younger blokes and are blissful: Lynda Bellingham, Bel Mooney, Judi Dench to name but a few. How many times have you heard it here: men are uncomplicated – he likes the look of you! Of course you are right not to get your hopes up too much, but here’s rooting for you, let those butterflies flutter and there’s no ‘bye’ about it – you haven’t said ‘hello’ yet!!

    • MsHaversham to be says:

      Don’t read the Mail- it’s evil to women.

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you, Lindy, much appreciated. Pxx

    • june says:

      Lucky buggars thats all that i can say, they should try living where i do, nil dates, nil anything, unless you count the ,man from POF whohas never met me,lives bout 80 miles away and keeps trying to persuade me to go France for 5 weeks with him in his motor home,ive told him i wouldnt spend a week in a motor home with someone id known years let alone a stranger, but he cant quite grasp it.

      Go to it P, think yourself lucky and enjoy.

      • Margaux says:

        June – at the risk of repeating myself over and over – did you ever think about revising your profile ? If it isn’t working maybe it needs a different approach…

      • RS says:

        And at the risk of repeating myself… June, 80 miles is not a huge distance. You aren’t going to find someone in the next road. 80 miles is easily dealt with and not too far to travel for a date once or twice a week. Now, motorhome man may not be the right one, but surely there are others within a similar radius.

      • The Plankton says:

        Thanks, June. Will try. xx

  • MsHaversham to be says:

    Yours has to be the funniest description of a uterus I’ve ever heard. That’s brilliant. As to the substance, calm down! Don’t have any expectations, just enjoy going out with him. You put too much pressure on yourself. Besides is he Brad Pitt?

    • The Plankton says:

      A uterus? I think you’ve gone up a floor or two too far! But, thank you very much all the same for the compliment about the description. I am glad it made you laugh. And I shall be as calm as a cucumb… make that a jumping bean! xx Ps. Brad Pitt plus brains, minus the shit haircut!

      • MsHaversham to be says:

        I’m sorry, I read mortal atrium and references to the pelvic floor as a poetic reference to the uterus. My mistake. I apologise for any blushes. I never could understand the Romantics, Colleridge and Homer (Greek not yellow) are more my thing.
        X

      • The Plankton says:

        I am so sorry to have been on a rather baser level, MsHavershamtobe. I hope you aren’t too disillusioned. x

      • MsHaversham to be says:

        Oh gosh no. Just rather dense. Besides, most blokes never notice and even more blokes leave a lot to be desired down there. A hell of a lot in the case of the ex (not even 4 inches). Now that’s base! Ta da!

      • The Plankton says:

        Not dense, and nothing wrong with a bit of base! xx

  • MissM says:

    This is terrific news!

    I am sure you sell yourself short when it comes to describing your looks, which is a common thing for women to do in general as Lindy pointed out above. Looks help to get you together but the personality is what keeps you together. I do believe a genuinely intelligent man will prefer a woman with intellect over a blonde bimbo any day. Some men do realise that looks always fade but dumb lasts forever. Admittedly only the smart men know this but they are the only ones worth wanting anyway.

    As for the age difference, five or six years is nothing at all. If it is ten or twelve, well as long as it is the younger party who initiates things then it is still all very good and… well… lucky, lucky you!

    Looks like 2012 is taking a turn for the better after all.

    • The Plankton says:

      Big thank you, MissM, though I swear I am not counting any (spring) chickens! That would make me a prize prat. xx

    • What about intelligent women who just so happen to have light colored hair? Do we like them too?

      • EmGee says:

        That would be me, and yes, you may. And you must show us your jellyfish when completed. Ummm, http://www.jellyfishart.com/kb_results.asp?ID=18
        …”jellyfish in the wild feed on plankton…”
        😯

      • MissM says:

        In the ‘learn something new everyday category’, thanks to EmGee’s link I now know people can keep jellyfish at home. Look out Scott, you might end up being more captive than captivating depending on whether a large enough tank can be found.

      • Elle says:

        Thanks Scott. I have naturally fair hair (I stopped calling myself blonde because of the negative connotations). I am not a bimbo and resent how prejudiced some people can be towards women with light coloured hair. If we had dark skin instead of light hair the prejudice would not be tolerated.

      • MissM says:

        My bad, I should have just said bimbo and not mentioned the blonde bit. It is such a well worn cliché, there are indeed plenty of brunette bimbos, and probably red-head bimbos too but they lack any alliteration.

    • Oh no, not me- When I discover that a woman is so inarticulate that she can barely form two consecutive coherent sentences, I get excited!!!

  • Redbookish says:

    Oh go on the date and enjoy yourself. Have a great time! xx

  • Erin says:

    WOO HOO!!! Can’t wait to hear more! Relax and enjoy, Dear P – you deserve it : )

  • leiq says:

    Err….Ms Haversham to be…..Uterus?? Surely….vagina?

    Or am I not as other women?!

    xx

  • rosie says:

    Knock him dead, can’t wait to hear about it!

  • Elle says:

    Yippee! Enjoy the date, good luck. My two cents is that the older men you’ve been pinning your hopes on of late are spoilt with the attention they are unworthy of. Now somebody nice comes along, asks you out and you think you’re unworthy of him.

    You’re not. You’ve just been brainwashed by a succession of d***heads into thinking that, and even if nothing happens with this man, enjoy his company and just go out with the expectation of having a fun night.

  • kathmex says:

    Enjoy the butterflies; enjoy the date!

  • Amy says:

    Three of my best girlfriends have ended up happily with men 9-11 years younger than they. Proves (to me at any rate) that happiness and compatibility trump age and shouldn’t be worried about until it becomes an issue. Have fun!!!

    • The Plankton says:

      This is encouraging. thank you. I shall try not to feel like a complete old bag when I am with him! xx

      • Jo says:

        Oh come on now…Stop it..x
        Think of it as an enjoyable night out and focus your energy on finding out about him and not on your perceived shortcomings.. (Though all too easy to do, obv!).
        Ooh look. I’m here again!

      • The Plankton says:

        Welcome back! (I am so glad this blog appears to be addictive). And thanks. Pxx

      • fi says:

        As Margaux said when quoting Henry Ford, “whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right”. The more you talk yourself into this “I’m so shit” frame of mind the more likely you are to behave abnormally, put him off you as you won’t be relaxed or comfortable with yourself, and then you’ll feel even crappier. You’re really doing yourself no favours talking like this to yourself, if anything you should be saying “I’m gorgeous me”. And the point of the evening is for you both to have a nice time and see if you like each other and want to meet up again. Its not a job interview for a job that you need to get or you’ll be evicted from your home. you’re not on trial. Stop telling yourself crap things, chill, put it in perspective and go with the flow. And good luck 🙂

      • The Plankton says:

        Will do (go with the flow, that is). Thanks, fi. xx

      • Jo says:

        Fi. Yep. Spot on.
        P. Though it’s understandable and human to feel some of these things, it’s now time to get off it. I get that you may be being self-protective and kinda prematurely having a ‘see, I told you so’ in case it goes awry.
        But you’re talking yourself into a disaster and it will be seeping out of you to boot.
        A date. Great. You like him. Fab. Just enjoy it? You bet. That’s it.
        It’s all negativity at the moment. Get a hold of that and stamp on it. Literally. It’s saturating you. x

      • Jo says:

        Sadly not back P.
        But I had to, had to, had to say something about this!!!
        But at the risk of becoming a bore -cos I know I’ve said it several times now! Indeed, boringly so. Then boomeranging back (!) – I (finally) hope to come back in the future. But sadly not for a while…
        Oh the best of…..to you. X

      • The Plankton says:

        Thank you, Jo and come back whenever you like. Pxx

  • Just tell him about this blogsite- Seriously Ms. Plankton, according to what you’ve been writing in The Times, you’ve been alone now for at least two and a half years, meaning that the last time you were in a relatioship that you enjoyed was sometime in 2009.

    And your waiting could be over very, very soon. Just mention this blogpage to him.

  • “and for a million and one reasons I am thinking, this ain’t possible…”

    Good, good- Write it here, tell the readers of your blogsite that this is how you insist on feeling, let it out now. And then figure out how to hold this feeling in, supress it somehow before the Big Date. If New Twinkle Man senses that this is how you feel, perhaps you’ll hear from him again several months from now…. maybe…..

  • Well, my clear plastic umbrella arrived in the mail yesterday. I’m still waiting for the multicolored Christmas tree decoration lights and the neon tubing that I ordered to arrive, and then I’ll assemble my jellyfish planula costume. The big four- zero is now less than 2 months away for me….

  • Brigitte says:

    Good luck and relax (breathe). I’m so happy for you.

    I’m having some rather unusual luck myself with one particular guy on the senior site. He sort of fell into my lap. He invited me to chat and responds to every message I send him and, wait for it….he’s absolutely gorgeous at 50! He’s a Canadian in the UK for another week and singled me out for some reason. I think he may be out of my league (just a little) but the girls at work assure me that he isn’t. He wants to meet once he’s back. Like you, I’m apprehensive and think he’s a little to wonderful to be true, but I will be careful and guard my heart.

    • The Plankton says:

      Brigitte! This is GREAT. I beg you to keep us posted, good news or bad, but I am thinking it’s got to be GOOD! Best of luck. Pxx

    • Brigitte says:

      I don’t know if it’s because the planets are aligning (they’re supposed to align with the galactic centre this year on Dec 21). With the luck of the plankton, the world will come to an end once we are in blissful love.

      Anybody else having freaky luck with men?

      I’m too realistic to say this is a sure thing. A little voice inside me keeps saying “be careful, he’s probably communicating with several women and has yet to make his final choice”.

      • fi says:

        But surely there’s no such thing as a final choice? There’s nothing to stop either of you, even if you were in a relationship, deciding its not really working and there’s someone else that suits better. Isn’t it a continually evolving thing where you continue to see if you meet each others needs rather than he sees if you meet his until he “makes his final choice”?

      • Brigitte says:

        fi,

        I expect that if his first choice doesn’t work out that he’ll revisit those he didn’t meet. I’ll definitely invite him to reconnect with me should that happen. By final choice, I meant of the women with whom he may be communicating presently. It’s the lottery of love.

      • The Plankton says:

        I totally get that. Same voice, same words in my own head. xx

    • Elle says:

      Brigitte, is he an airline pilot? If so beware.

      • Brigitte says:

        He’s an energy consultant for crude oil merchants. He travels a lot. If this pans out, it’s to be seen if I tolerate a mostly long distance relationship. But like it’s often said by members of this blog, I don’t want to limit my already very limited (non existant) pool of suitors.

        He seems very serious about finding a special woman for marriage or LTR. He’s divorced with a son.

  • RS says:

    Wonderful! Most exciting and just goes to prove that you never, ever know what’s around the corner.

    6-10 years younger is, in my experience, just about the right age difference. I can’t put my finger on why, but it’s been great for me. The right kind of somewhat younger man values the maturity, wisdom, groundedness of a somewhat older woman more than a man her age often does.

    I understand the anxiety about… things. But honestly, men don’t notice and care quite as much as we do.

  • EmGee says:

    The dating gods have come down from the clouds and deemed you Worthy. I am afraid you will just have to deal with it. 😉

    Can’t wait to hear about it, and like everyone else, I am sure you will sock his knocks off!

  • Margaux says:

    Please, P – don’t self sabotage!
    Stop this age paranoia ………now!
    Enjoy..enjoy…enjoy ….spring is in the air! !!

    ( fabulously written post btw!)

  • Catherine says:

    And yet, something in your nervy description makes you sound very sexy, very cool. I don’t know – I see a fretting, but assured and sensual woman. A very intriguing mix. I have a feeling this is going to be quite a sassy evening for you.xx

  • zoe says:

    About bloody time! I’m so glad that a younger handsome man has come to make some dents in the plankton platform – dubiously construction that it is.

    Elle, P has not been brainwashed to feel unworthy by the men in her life, but by the constant miserable downbeat assessments that come out of the mouths of so many female commentators on this blog. I agree with Fi when she said a few blogs ago that this collective plankton wail can be utterly depressing. Hopefully this new episode will give us some respite.

    To fortify you in your dealings with your new twinkle, P, I relay the words of a man elsewhere on the internet who has had relationships with older women throughout his twenties and thirties: “I just felt more at ease with the older woman too. The conversations were more fun, the flirtation itself had that extra thrill and the allure in being around ‘someone’ perfectly comfortable with who she was, was utterly compelling…I can’t deny I’m now looking at younger women.. I find them [younger women] attractive, yes, but not sexy, not heartstoppingly wow”.

    Even if this new development proves transient, P, I hope that will accept that the very existence of the attraction will serve to challenge the concept of the “bottom of the sexual food chain”. After all, if you are at the bottom, where does that put this handsome brainy man? And if he is not at the bottom, where does that put you?

    • fi says:

      I’ve started hanging out on privateman. And I have to say its funny and makes a nice change from the gloomy ‘woe is me’ comments here. The guys there are clever and witty and humorous and even tvmunson has turned out to be an interesting guy. Obviously there’s some bits in there that women won’t like (well they are a man site so, you know, I just go with it) but if you can get over that aspect they are a good laugh. Especially ‘mining the comments’ where Plutogirl gets more and more wound up by the blokes. That is really hilarious.

      • zoe says:

        Yes, Fi, I check it out every now and then too. But I can only take it in small doses as I find this concept of red pill dating soulless, sad and just plain wrong….

      • fi says:

        Ah yes the ‘red pill’. Maybe I’ve gone completely mental but I think they’re lovely. They seem to need a set of rules to follow with women, and they get it so wrong so much of the time, but it seems that what most of them want is to actually have a rewarding relationship with a woman. Obviously there are the weird ones who just want to ‘pump and dump’ as they refer to it but I think they are the minority, and I question how successful they actually are because hey, I don’t know normal women who would be desperate enough for them, but most are normal. Again like some of the women here who complain incessantly about men, some do that there about women. And I think the more unsuccessful ones complain the most while the more normal ones have a more balanced view. But I think they are just the male equivalents of some of the women on here. But the blokes are funnier. Honestly, they’re probably not everyone’s cup of tea, but if you can accept them for what they are (men as opposed to women) then its really instructive. And funny. It reminds me of my nights out with my male friends, just eavesdropping on their conversations.

      • fi says:

        Having said that though they probably don’t want me to think they’re ‘lovely’ and would prefer the term ‘sex gods’ 😀

      • zoe says:

        “Maybe I’ve gone completely mental”. If so, I blame T Lover. That’s when the rot set in 😉

      • Brigitte says:

        I check him out everyday. He’s very entertaiing. Some days I agree with him (how women can self sabotage), some days I hate him (e.g. Don’t give fat chicks the time of day. Don’t reward their choice to overeat.). He talks about attracting quality women and forming LTRs, but I just don’t see good woman staying with this type of man. I think the stable, marrying kind of man is a Beta. I don’t agree that the Beta male is pathetic. He is usually decent. I’m afraid Privateman is turning out an army of players.

        I will check out the Plutogirl passages.

        One blog I truly love (I may even love the blogger, Russell Jones) is The Naked Mole Rat. There’s an intelligent and decent fellow. I don’t think he swallowed the Red Pill.
        http://heterocephalusgabler.wordpress.com/

      • zoe says:

        But I know what you mean. Bruised betas trying to be alphas. Your heart does go out to them…Sort of…

      • zoe says:

        (@ Fi)

      • Margaux says:

        Ok Fi, I have ventured back over for another look….TV Munson’s writing these days is very sobering, and an extraordinary read it has to be said …

      • fi says:

        @Brigitte – naked mole’s good!!

      • Elle says:

        I’ve checked out the privateman a few times. It’s not for those of a sensitive disposition and one wouldn’t want to read it on fat days. Once wonders how some of these men can come out with such vitriol yet be in happy long term relationships. It makes me wonder. Then again when I was a teenager my mother told me about something her friend’s husband said. This couple were successful, church-going and genteel in every way.

        The husband, unlike my dad, never uttered a swear word while I had the excuse of “but daddy said it!” when I got ticked off at 5 for saying “bollocks!”.

        This couple went to Spain for a beach holiday. Topless sunbathing was the norm there and the wife (covered up with swimsuit and pareo) was a bit embarrassed. The husband was more blunt. “Aren’t women ugly?” he said, as another topless woman of a certain age paraded past them on the beach.

        We were all a bit surprised that our friend and neighbour, gentleman and churchgoer, could come out with such a thing. Maybe privateman is a forum where men can indulge in this sort of sentiment to their hearts content.

        How is tvmunsen? I hope he’s holding up well and gets through it all. My thoughts are with his family too.

      • Brigitte says:

        @ fi: Isn’t he? I’m in love. I wish I lived in England. He’s even cute!

        My gorgeous guy is silent after telling me he wants to meet me (I said yes, how do we?). This is when they go ‘poof’ and disappear. Usually a sign that they look nothing like their pics or they were a fraud to begin with. Still hope, though (early days).

      • Elle says:

        The naked mole rat looks good, rather like an older version of Adrian Mole. Sharp, self-deprecating and much more suited to this side of the pond.

      • fi says:

        Re naked mole man though before you all start drolling – I’m sure I read on his page where he explains why he calls himself that and among other reasons its because these animals are into group sex and voyeurism. And he is…..

      • fi says:

        Re naked mole rat – maybe I concluded that rather than him saying it now I come to think of it

      • Brigitte says:

        He uses the naked mole rat (NMR) as his “mascot” because they never develop cancer. He just had a bout with kidney cancer. i believe NMRs are being used in research to discover how to prevent/cure cancer.

      • Pad Thai says:

        Plutogirl was playing Privateman the whole time. She is an actress who is big as a scream queen. All the horror movie fans know her. Wild, wacky, and one of a kind. Nobody is more creative at publicity stunts. She’ll do anything for attention but she’s got no real interest in a relationship and has said so publicly many times. It’s all an act with her. Though Privateman and his guys are wrong about her looks. She isn’t obese, she’s a very attractive woman.

    • The Plankton says:

      I take all your points, Zoe, and thank you. Pxx

  • Leftatforty says:

    That is awesome! I hope you kiss him.

  • MissM says:

    Some people find it depressing or feel that it sets a downbeat tone when they hear about difficulties that others have in finding a relationship once they are on the wrong side of forty. Personally I like to hear stories from others experiencing the things I can relate to. While it might be nice to hear that absolutely everyone just bounces with ease into a new relationship, that would also make me worry that there must be something terribly wrong with me since I would apparently be the only person in the world that can’t find someone. If there are smart, sexy older women in the world who are finding that finding a single man who is also smart and sexy is akin to finding a needle in a haystack, I like to know about it, since then at least I know am not alone in experiencing that.

    Of course those happy ending stories are still thoroughly wonderful to hear, since they are what keep hope alive.

    • june says:

      Love it Miss M, im one of those older women, like you i sometimes think it must be me, others do it, why cant i, is there something wrong with me,its like finding a needle in a haystack, and its a very big haystack and i frequently think it wont happen.. Things people tell you should do, one of the favourites on here look outside your home area, why, you dont want to move, they dont want to move,what exactly is the point in finding someone who lives miles away and its my experience ,men dont want to go miles to meet anyone either, they want someone near them to.

      Accepting it will never happen is difficult, and as you say its nice to hear people do meet someone, Its just that in my case and maybe yours its the realization it might not that is the hardest thing to live with , so any hope however small is encouraging.

  • AMJ says:

    Oh absolutely delicious, and that’s jsut the writing!

  • T Lover says:

    Bazzing bag of comments – all round interesting and huge fun.

    Conspiracies to trap bloke “A” forgotten in an instant. History. Bloke “B” is now the victim.

    Men only want younger women, woe, woe and thrice woe, we’re all doom and gloom. Gone in a blink.

    I spy a toy boy and you lot are off – hunting like a bunch of monkeys in the treetops.

    Fi has discovered Privateman and has touched on a truism. Men and women think differently.

    Women who have never met rooting for one another, delighting in good news.

    And Fi and Zoe concerned about Fi’s mental health, is she completely mental? Well, yes. Who needs Sir Roderick Glossop? Women are all bonkers.

    • Elle says:

      What are we to do T Lover? Castigate Plankton for deserting the sisterhood because she is going on a date with a nice man? That would make us a bunch of bitter begrudging spinsters and perhaps this is the stereotype of women over 40 that certain people are most comfortable with. Cackling like the witches in the Scottish Play and plotting misfortune.

      No, we see a window of hope for Plankton and we want it to open wide and spill some light onto us as well.

      • T Lover says:

        Elle,

        What are we to do?

        Carry on as is, Elle and make this miserable crabbit smile.

        All this – watching the reaction and interaction between women – gives me huge pleasure. An insight into the way women behave and think which, hopefully, will help to make my next relationship stick.

        I am making the sign of the cross as I type.

        Next relationship? Wash my mouth out.

      • T Lover says:

        Elle,

        I have just read my reply.

        What a sad sod I am.

      • Elle says:

        T Lover, someone will take pity on you. 🙂

  • rosie says:

    Christ, I’d rather eat my own bodyweight in dog shit than hang out on private man.

    @MissM, you’re not alone. There’s at least three of us: you, me and P (although the latter not for very much longer by the sounds of it!).

    Personally, I find it depressing that someone who finds something depressing keeps coming back to tell us how depressing it is.

    • fi says:

      😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

    • MissM says:

      Thank you Rosie, I find it a joy to read posts from people like you as well as P’s wonderful blog which as AMJ said is absolutely delicious.

      As to ‘private man’ I have never ventured there since the posts that were presented to us on here were enough to give me the flavour of the place, and that was most definitely not such a delicious tasting that I care to repeat it. (Now there were some attitudes that were truly depressing.)

      So I don’t go there, simple as that. I agree it would make no sense at all to go there and then complain about what is being said. Perhaps there are some worthwhile posts in there but I simply can’t be bothered sifting through the less salubrious ones.

    • T Lover says:

      Rosie,

      I found the thought of eating one’s own weight in dog shit to be very evocative.

      I read the kids a book years ago, something like the “Boy who Ate Worms” about a boy who ate worms for a bet.

      How big would the pile be? Could you eat it in one? Two? Or would you need a turd helping? A doggy bag? And I’m sure there would be a tail behind it.

      C’mon Rosie a little smile please. Don’t like fall outs.

    • RedbookisH says:

      I’ve looked at the private an blog, and I’m afraid I have to agree with you. It seems full of beta men trying to demonstrate their alpha status …and trying to find relationships with women that they seem to despise, actually. It seems full of sexist woman-hating — keeping women in their place, putting them down in front of others, always wanting to exert male superiority. It’s sad, really. I read it very occasionally and just wonder what happened to being simply a human being, liking other human beings, and being nice and pleasant?

      • fi says:

        Well…. I probably am mental 😦
        But I’m happy, so that’s something to be grateful for.

  • Redbookish says:

    Sorry, my last post was in response to Miss M’s comment. As they say around here –stupid iPad

    • MissM says:

      Redbookish, I must say your summation of the private man seems to be very perceptive and accurate to me. The fact that they don’t actually like women comes across loud an clear. I don’t know why they can’t see women as being as human as they are.

  • It is very possible to be in a relationship with someone who has Aspergers syndrome- From what I’ve read, all you need to do really is to read a couple of books about how their minds work, and then communication becomes a lot easier….

  • june says:

    Margaux , i have changed and revised my profile loads of times, in fact Mr Motor home said i had a lovely profile so i dont think can be that.

    I think its 2 things, or maybe 3, i just dont find men of my age attractive on the whole, not just looks and dress sense, but attitude. i read today about a women in her 40s married to a man a few yrs older than i and shes likes fact he pays bills, looks after her, takes the decisions, id hate it, i dont want to be looked after and have my decisions made for me and sadly many men of my generation want to do that. Also RS 80 miles is too far, i dont drive,whats the point in constantly having to travel to meet someone or they you, at some point if the relationship progresses you would have to think about moving and i like where i live, id never move for a man and wouldnt expect them to for me, and there seem very few eligible men in my neck of woods. On the My Single Friend website, which looks a good one to me, there are only 4 in my area, and only one of them would consider a women over 60. In many other parts of the uk there are many more, and i dont notice many of them wanting to travel very far away from their home areas, only to one next door. Then we have the men prefer younger women and whatever anyone says men however old and decrepid they may look, want someone younger, well they do when the women hits her 60th birthday, P is still young enough to maybe attract a younger man,sadly i am not.

    • fi says:

      Mmm no. I don’t think that’s it as my friend of 74 still attracts them.

    • Margaux says:

      June – I didn’t mean to have a go – I just feel your frustration! But you know one of my mantras is ‘if you do what you’ve always done – you’ll always get what you’ve always got’ – so I am wondering if trying something different will work.

      So – other sites that have been mentioned to you many times include :
      loveandfriends.com – which goes under the banner of ‘dating for professionals’ – and I would also check this one out – (don’t laugh, it is not a ‘sex’ site) : toyboywarehouse.com. It’s for older women/younger men. There are many other sites where the women are older and the men are younger out there, as others have mentioned too. Have you checked them out?

      I just wonder – and this is just a guess – do you say things in your profile like ‘well, this probably won’t work’ and use lots of negatives like ‘I don’t like this… I never do that?’ I just think the more positive and outward looking a profile is the more attractive the writer is.

      Do tell me to shut up if I am being presumptuous – I am just trying to be helpful! 🙂

    • Elle says:

      June, Judi Dench and Helen Mirren wouldn’t agree with you.

    • RS says:

      June – I, like Margaux, am not having a go. Just trying to get a sense of what you feel is realistic and maybe present a different point of view which could be helpful. Sometimes we get a bit entrenched in a way of thinking and a suggestion from outside can ope our eyes a bit.

      So 80 miles, a train ride of an hour or so, is out of the question for you. I guess perspective is everything because where I live I could easily drive an hour and still be in the same city! 🙂 Obviously “in my area” has different meaning for me.

      I guess you are indeed hoping to find someone a couple of streets away! That does indeed limit you, greatly. It would limit someone of 25.

      Also re: the moving eventually thing. I thought you weren’t looking to live with someone and that you like your own space and independence? I thought you wanted a companion-type relationship where you’d see the man a couple of times a week. Obviously misunderstood you.

      • EmGee says:

        Depending on where you live, usual mode of transportation, and how accustomed you are to long commutes, 80 miles can seem like nothing, or it can be a huge distance. Even though my bf doesn’t seem to think a 3 hour drive is of much consequence, I am not so sure. 😕

        Yesterday, bf thought he might have found a room to let in the city, but this morning he wasn’t so sure about it, even though he hasn’t even checked the place out yet. He said he would be back tonight, but that’s what he said yesterday. I suppose I could get upset at his ‘flip-flopping’ behavior, but it’s a big decision, and I have to ask myself if I’d handle it with any more confidence? Probably not. Besides, I have to remind myself that it’s not my decision and I won’t have to live with the consequences good or bad.. 😐

      • june says:

        Yes but Judi Dench and Helen Mirren, arent me are they, they are world famous actors known to all, they cant be compared with a retired women who lives in a provincial city where quite frankly although a very nice place to live, is not exactly overun with eligble men. My divorced friend same age, as i, has been looking for 7 years, shes got nowhere, tomorrow her and i are going to a concert together, i think that says it all. I also know younger friends who cant meet anyone and those who stay in dead relationships because they know meeting anyone suitable would be impossible.

        I doubt if there are many men on these sites you mention Margaux in my area, there are very few here on any other sites, i have looked at many believe me, and there is very little choice.Also what constitutes a professional would you say, i am retired from a role as a customer advisor in a blue chip company, in our still rather snobbish society would that be a professional do you think, doubt it. I always think of myself as quite classless, unlike many of my generation i grew up as an only child with working class parents who never made me feel i was inferior, gave me great self worth and for their time and station in life were very forward thinking and liberal. Sometimes i wonder if thats why ive never met anyone, i never knew where i belonged. I was talking to an old school friend the other day who said when she met her husband his parents put her through hell as they didnt think her good enough for him, and her own mum had always told her to keep in “her place” and not get above herself. Something my parents never did.

        No of course you are not being presumptuous any advice gladly welcomed.

        RS you obviously live in a very large metropolitan city,i live in a small one, and if i travelled an hour, i dont drive, id be way out in sticks or by the sea, which puts a completely different prospective on the situation doesent it. You travel an hour you are in same type place, with same type people. I travel an hour and i am either back in the old seaside village, i lived in for years and nearby large seaside resort, two places i have no desire to ever return to, or miles out in the backwoods and i am a very urban person, no thanks. The city i live in is the only really urban place for miles, and its the world i like. No i dont expect to meet someone in the next street, but someone in same city or a nearby village at least, anything else is out. Men in other parts of uk dont want to travel to meet women either, ive had contacts who say they would be interested if i was nearer,says it all.

  • fi0na says:

    “years of frankly useless and fucked up twinkles” but you didn’t go on a date with any of them (for 20 years) maybe things’ll look up now you’re “dating” (sort of). All the best.

  • Lydia says:

    There are plenty of fish in the sea. However if you’re not out there with your rod or net you don’t catch them, so just keep trying. I spoke to one last night and every sentence had sort of and you know and um in it, unbearable voice but one keeps on trying.

    • fi says:

      @Lydia why haven’t you got one yet? You’re obviously attractive, not unreasonably picky, you speak to a number of them and you’ve been doing internet dating now for a long time. So there’s no lack of opportunity for you. I’m really interested in knowing why you haven’t progressed further because you’re having more interest than some other women here

  • fi says:

    Update on privateman. I made the mistake yesterday of suggesting that younger women aren’t really interested in older men because they see them as being boring and unattractive, haven’t the sexual stamina of younger men and that they prefer younger guys. Unless the older men have money, power or status. I guess I wasn’t very tactful in what I said or how I said it. However. The reaction was unbelievably extreme to the suggestion that they are flagging sexually and aren’t as attractive as younger men. Quite interesting given their views on the appeal of older women. Similarly while they are more than happy to misrepresent themselves by playing Game (what to say and how to say it to make women think you’re something other than what you are), the idea that women want them for their money/power/status seems to be really quite offensive to them. Even though they aren’t interested in anything more than shagging these young women, it seems really important to their egos that the women appreciate them for what they are, not what they have. I thought it interesting anyway 🙂

    • Margaux says:

      You are very brave, Fi – stepping into the lion’s den! I shall go and have look 🙂
      I’ve been following TV’s own writing strand there – it is sobering and poignant without being in anyway selp pitying. I must say I am impressed.

      • fi says:

        They were actually ok to me – I’ve seen worse. I don’t know what I was thinking saying it as obviously they weren’t going to be happy. I just thought it was kind of interesting their reaction

    • EmGee says:

      Hardly surprising, considering the forum. You could go to just about any web board, take a poke at their sacred cows and get the same response.

      I heard an interesting truism the other day:
      You can’t change another’s opinions with facts, if their opinions are not based on facts in the first place.

      • Margaux says:

        I love that saying, EmmGee – I shall add to my collection!

      • fi says:

        Me too. However, I shouldn’t really have said it as god knows if one of them came here and started going on about us being unattractive we wouldn’t like it. Oh wait a minute….. 🙂
        Actually they were probably quite restrained so can’t blame them really as it is a Manosphere site ( Note I know the lingo) and isn’t aimed at women. I just elbowed my way in.

      • EmGee says:

        I hadn’t actually thought of it that way before myself, but now it’s so obvious to me! I belong to a group that encourages us to develop ‘an attitude to match the facts’, sound reasoning -except most of us are so delusional most of the time, lol! (but I am working on it)

  • Margaux says:

    June!
    You seem to be stuck in a cycle of negativity – no matter what anyone says to you …

    How do you know there are no men on the sites I’ve mentioned unless you have actually looked?
    I mentioned the ‘professionals’ site as it seems to consist of anyone who has a ‘career’. Everyone from teachers to rocket scientists. You had a problem with the type of men who have contacted you recently I seem to recall, so I thought this site would be right up your street.

    Class issues ? Once again I am like you. Only child of working class parents who encouraged me to ‘better’ myself. Remember – no one can make you feel inferior unless you give them permission.

    I have a mid 50s friend who left London to start a new life in Cromer. It’s a tiny seaside village/small town,on the Norfolk coast. She used internet dating and dated people from the local area and Norwich. Then she met a very nice divorced man (60) in her local pub. They are very happy. If it can happen to her in a tiny coastal town – surely your city must be bigger?

    • fi says:

      Margaux . You’re not the first, second or even third person to try to present June with solutions but nothing works.

      • Margaux says:

        I know, Fi – I’ve read them all! and I myself have been trying for months too ( as you have no doubt seen) – although I don’t think June always goes back and reads them or she wouldn’t keep saying the same things over and over … and over… and ….over…
        I feel like I am hitting my head against a brick wall! It is so damn obvious to me that if you want something to change you have to change it.

        June – if you are reading this – we are just trying to offer some practical advice. But changing your situation starts with you….

      • fi says:

        I think though women harm their own chances all the time by devising shopping lists of criteria, and the narrower the criteria the slimmer the chances. That’s before you even start factoring in the fact that as you age there are less available men, even fewer attractive ones, and fewer still that find you attractive. The longer you’ve been single too and the older you get, the less willing and able you are to compromise and I include myself in this. So, you have a teeny tiny pool of theoretical potentials, that you then have to meet, like, and for them to like you. Even less chance. Maybe nil. The only way to get round it in my view is widen your catchment area and reduce your shopping list. And that’s just to meet them. It may still all go wrong because even if you meet them, and like them, they may not want you.

    • june says:

      If she foun d anyone in Norfolk Margaux she was extremely lucky and i will say no more.

  • june says:

    FI so true, but as well as them possibly not wanting you if you change your criteria so much you could end up with someone with whom you have nothing in common with, and you stay with them cause you dont want to go back to being alone. Ive friends who have done this,one in particular and her life just seems a big compromise, she lsnt happy though and lives in constant fear of her partner leaving her and seems to be papering over cracks all the while, Is that any way to live, i wouldnt want to live like it.

    i guess most of us on here wont compromise, thats why we are planktons ! .

  • The feminine attracts the masculine.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

What’s this?

You are currently reading Date with Surprise Twinkle at The Plankton.

meta

%d bloggers like this: