ST Deleted

May 8, 2012 § 85 Comments

From yesterday’s Times:-

After the mealy-mouthed text from Surprise Twinkle, friends rightly told me to press the Delete button.  I managed it rather admirably, I thought.  Of course, I carried on thinking about him a bit.  I wondered what the whole episode had been about and, in a low-key sort of way, was vaguely haunted by the mystery: so keen, and then so not-so-keen.  The pain went and I was left with the dregs of curiosity and deflation.  I took it as read that I would never hear from him again and I was beginning the disappointing business of picking myself up and getting on with life, as plankton always must.

Three weeks of convincing silence later, I was with a friend in the cafe, minding my own business, and – ping! – his name came up on my smartphone.  Excitement of course, but time had made inroads into its healing process and the excitement was suitably contained.  Then I read the email and it was so lacking in consequence that I thought it must have come instead from Long Shot, that past master of unengaged communication.  But no, it was definitely from ST.  Such different men, and yet cheek by jowl on the spectrum of emotional constipation.  Three weeks later, and I receive just two tiny sentences: how was I and an update on a minor frustration of his.  The sum total of nine words.

Why?  Either push that boat out and run to a complete line – even two, eh? – which incorporates some felicity or merriment or wit or unthreatening suggestion that we might get together again in some capacity – even a cup of coffee, for God’s sake.  Or bloody well just leave me alone to push on in peace.  But don’t give me this uptight nothingness, so lily-livered it doesn’t even propose straight-forward friendship in any inviting way, let alone a sexual relationship.  I have more flirtatious banter from the sweet young fellow at the cafe who makes my latte each day.  I read ST’s apology for a missive again, and was totally flummoxed by what could have possibly been going through his head?

Clearly, those paltry words did not merit any sort of analysis.  Still, I half-heartedly texted back the following day, friendly but not suggesting a get-together.  No response!  So doggedly predictable.  But he is going away so, genuinely no longer caring enough to fret over the rightness or wrongness of it, and for an experiment, I eventually rang to say goodbye.

So glad I did!  He was so underwhelming, it turned me almost right off him.  Even I, the Original Plankton, thought I deserve better than this.

And it takes quite a lot for me to feel that way.


§ 85 Responses to ST Deleted

  • Dawn says:

    Oh, yes, you do deserve better. I was once told that if you have to wonder how a man feels about you, don’t bother. If a man is interested, he’ll make it known.

    Upward and onward, dearest P!

  • Jill says:

    His loss, your gain – hooray for you, P! Now, where is that queue of more emotionally intelligent men – just around the corner, I surmise….

  • plumgrape says:

    You can really take the buscuit, Plankton. What on God’s earth is “emotional constipation”? A sociopath? These are friends are they who say “press the delete button”? If it was an “episode” why didn’t you ask him what “it” was about? Perhaps you might have shown some interest in him!
    Did you see the Word Press Bloggers diary Bible. I saw it at the airport, thought it looked fantastic, but thought the price a little too steep to add just more material to my already heavy reading and studying list.
    I remember many years ago when my then wife told me we had a “relationship”. I had no idea what she was talking about consideringthat this was what I had wit a newspaper seller. How we see thing is relative to where we are in space and time. Try to see and look at “What the Bleep do we know” carefully. It’s illuminating, Consider a collapse of the wave function. Good luck. The Quantum editon is a 3DVD set.

    • Margaux says:

      There in lies the rub, plumgrape.
      I totally understand ’emotional constipation’. It’s when a man sort of hovers around a bit, shows a bit of interest then acts all mystified as if nothing was going on at all when you show some interest back. He then usually runs for the hills.

      If you don’t follow him up said hill he kind of creeps back to test the water or maybe just to signal he’s still around by sending a constipated communication of the kind P has described.

      Sometimes I think it’s just an ego stroking exercise on the part of the hoverer….
      I’ve encountered it myself – so it all made total sense to me!

  • Lydia says:

    You haven’t made him want you. It’s not that hard for men or women to make someone else want them. I should probably run courses on it.

    However for me I have to want that person before I choose to make the effort. One I’m meeting next week seemed to have some downsides although he like the last few met my main requirement, fast, clever and knowledgeable. The accent/class was fine. Few visible means of support not that great. Not quite stably settled back over here. Had a child whom he brough up alone (good point). Don’t like his face and has diabetes (which will mean he eats dreadfully, sugar, chocolate, lots of drink nad might ultimately lose his legs I suppose…). Bit too old. He’s never had a girl friend who really had any earnings although he doesn’t seem to think he would mind if a woman worked and earned more than he does – he’s virtually retired. Not sure we’re compatible in a fundamental other way either. Anyway we will meet and talk and I will feel the better for it but I have no great hopes I will find him attractive.. So in that case he will not be keen either as I have not been.

    If instead I thought he was the bee’s knees I would have approached it very differently.

    • Elle says:

      Old, ugly and diabetic? That’s a charming way to describe your dates Lydia. It makes me wonder what drew you to them in the first place. A shared love of Green and Blacks?

      • Lydia says:

        Over 60. I don’t totally rule someone out over 60. I am the liberal one who met the man in a wheelchair. I think I’m quite reasonable about these things. Did not like his face – sometimes appearances are pretty subjective. Diabetic – I have very strong views on good diet and how the diabetes epidemic has been caused. He is clever, I said he was and interesting so we’ll see. I am just not particularly hopeful. I told him I wasn’t sure (so thought he might just cancel in that case) but instead he confirmed the date.

      • Elle says:

        I agree about being open and dating outside the box, but having no standards is worse than being alone. There’s nothing worse than sitting opposite someone and trying to endure whatever it is you don’t really like about them all for the sake of having a days.

      • MissM says:

        Elle, I suspect that the reason that Lydia has so many men in her dating life is purely down to having quite low standards, mind you, if it keeps her happy there is no problem with it. I don’t envy her at all though and I don’t need to know what site she uses, since none of her multitudinous lovely men sound all that lovely to me. I am pretty sure each and everyone of us here could have dates lined up if we cared not at all how old they are. I too could have almost as many dates as Lydia if it were not for that fact I don’t find men who are significantly older than me remotely attractive. It is one of my very meagre requirements that I have to feel some sort of attraction to the person I am with, note they don’t have to be attractive per se, just be attractive to me. Too much to ask, I know.

    • Margaux says:

      Every diabetic I have encountered has made an effort to radically address their eating habits – especially if their eating habits caused the diabetes in the first place. So your assumption may not be strictly accurate, Lydia.

      I would love to know which site you are meeting all your potential beaux from! care to enlighten us?

      • Lydia says:

        He said one woman he’d met for a drink over lunch complained after he had had 2 or 3 pints (she did not drink) so he is trying to avoid someone like that this time. he had heard of the book Sugar Nation which I bought last year (which is about diabetes so he seems reasonably bright).

        He isn’t doing that much about his eating habits if he’s still drinking alcohol. Anyway that’s the least of the problems,. He is better than some. I was having 2 weeks off men but he contacted me. I cast all the others and potentials aside in one fell swoop.

  • thirtysomething says:

    Either which way, a relationship between the two of you was not on the cards. I don’t think you should worry about what signs you did or didn’t give off. However, in future, I know that you are a very straightforward person by nature, Plankton, BUT there is something to be said for making someone want you a bit, about not being too available. This is not game playing, just a fact of life. Could you possibly refrain from calling a guy back straight away or responding to his texts just hours later and just… sit on it for a couple days? I know it will kill you to do this, and you’ll argue that you’re not into game playing, that he should take you or leave you as you are, but … not many people are like you. You have to humour the ones who might want a bit of a challenge, even if you aren’t built that way, because it’ll only be for a little while… as soon as you get to know each other a bit, you will be able to dispense with all the game playing then, I promise. x

    • The Plankton says:

      Fair point. I was brought up never to contact a man I fancied and I think I shall abide by that in future, though there is some truth in you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. But probably the more so if you do! Px

  • Jill says:

    Goodness, Lydia, I’m beginning to feel quite sorry for the men who come within your clutches! Nor am I sure that you are as equipped as you believe to run courses on making someone else want you. Never mind, I’m sure that a robust dose of self-belief does one no harm – but do please enlighten the rest of us poor souls as to your no doubt tried and tested methods – surely a tad tricky to conduct in cyberspace, or are you referring to face to face meetings?

    • Lydia says:

      There are just as many reasons to reject me. I am always telling the OAP ones (who think it’s marvellous I earn a lot and work as they are sick of women who want them for money and 100% of their time) that the downside is you get someone with children at home who is not at the same life phase, isn’t spending 4 hours over long lunches or going to Spain for 2 months.

      Methods? Most of all be nice. Most of us want someone who is nice to us. I think the rest can be pretty obvious.

      • june says:

        You dont mind dating men over 60 Lydia, well you must meet better men over 60 than me, the only remotely attractive ones i know are all spoken for, those single on the whole are extremely unattractive and few would want to go there, including me and all the other quite attractive and youthful women i know over 60. Its not just their looks its that they seem mentally much older than women and seem to have given up on life, I think many are their own as their wives have ditched them because thjey are so boring and “old” and they still want to enjoy life.i read recently on a letters page of a women complaining her 64 year husband had given up on life and didnt want to do anything,she was 64 herself and did. So you Lydia are welcome to most of them, id rather be a plankton,

      • Lydia says:

        My last boyfriend was 63, very fit, swims every day, works at his businesses every day, last year record £1m earnings, good looking, manages his own forests and not just giving orders but doing the tree cutting etc. I don’t think you can cast aside men over 60 necessarily. I am happy with a man 10 years either side of my age.

  • Elle says:

    I’m glad you’re over ST, Plankton, but I see a pattern here. Emotionally constipated men. Was ST merely a younger more presentable version of LS?

    I wouldn’t have answered ST’s excuse for a text, you’re too nice to these men. If they’re less articulate than a 2 year old despite education etc. then don’t bother. Somebody more demonstrative but rougher around the edges would be a betters bet. Take care of yourself.

  • Jill says:

    I disagree with you, Elle. Two wrongs etc. One day – let it be soon! – P will reply in her usual considerate and well-mannered way to a man who is mature and intelligent enough to appreciate those qualities in her, and then – BINGO! Gotta keep hopin’…!

  • Steve says:

    On behalf of my fellow men, may I apologise for ST, who comes across as an odd character indeed. I have always felt that if you have nothing to say, then say nothing!
    But just for amusement value, dear P, let me tell you about a blind date I was set up on a few years ago by my boss’s wife (a good recommendation, surely?)
    We met in a Soho bar, had a few drinks, and got to that crucual point in the evening where you either go on, or go home. I suggested dinner and she accepted and I rather thought it was all going swimmingly.
    We parted on what I thought were positive terms and on the journey home I sent a very positive text thanking her for a lovely evening and looking forward to the next one.
    An hour later, I got a one-line message back wishing me a happy Christmas. It was the 12th of November…. 🙂

  • ianw says:

    Just thought I would put in a word on behalf of diabetics everywhere. There seems to be the usual misapprehensions about the condition. You need first to distinguish between type 1 and type 2 diabetics. Type 1 (of which I am one) suffer a failure of their pancreas to produce insulin. Medical science does not know the cause but it has nothing to do with diet, eating too much sugar etc etc. Type 2 diabetes usually occurs in late middle age and is caused by an ageing effect on the pancreas and/or greater demand on its insulin-creating capability caused by becoming overweight – which is where the poor diet may (but only may) come into the reckoning. Type 2 diabetes can be regulated with diet or pills, with insulin injections as a last resort, whereas injections are the only medication for type 1.

    Whether type 1 or type 2, a “healthy” diet – no refined sugars, plenty of fibre etc is recommended, so Lydia’s friend is doing absolutely the wrong thing in eating chocolate etc. I used to catch a bus to work opposite a large billboard with a poster that proclaimed “Support our work with Diabetes and help prevent Blindness Amputation and Death.” Always got the day off to a good start.

    • Lydia says:

      Yes, that’s right. Sugar Nation (the recent book) covers all that. My potential friend does avoid sweets etc but he drinks alcohol and he is probably about 30 years too late to change his diet although it would help if he did. Type 2 is increasingly seen in children. The man who wrote the book – his father died of it and the son (very fit, slim, journalist on Men’s health in US) discovered what he ate was dreadful and he changed it to keep it from manifesting itself. ANyway we are slightly off topic although alcohol and food not surprisingly come up a lot on early dates with someone in the following ways:-

      (i) where do you meet for the drink or food which has all kinds of interesting issues involved in it – budget, who pays, class, type of place etc.

      (ii) does the other person drink like a fish – this is not just a gender issue; men have told me of women on first dates who just wanted to get utterly drunk or is the other person some teetotal dull person (I don’t drink and given Get Girl Drunk is the main UK male seductino technique I think it’s important men know in advance so I tell them, just don’t like the taste and it makes me feel bad… laughing as I seem to end up meeting men with wine cellars whose holidays are to vineyards to taste the new versions of wines…)

      (iii) what sort of foods do they eate? In real life it may not matter at all but if you’re meeting for dinner it becomes a bigger issue than it needs to be.

      • Elle says:

        Anyone with the most basic knowledge of science would know that alcohol is a sugar. What is cider made from? Fermented apples. Some people can even get “sugar drunk”. If there’s an overgrowth of candida in the gut it cam convert sugar into alcohol. I would imagine that alcohol would be a no-no for all diabetics. Indeed, high alcohol consumption can be a cause of type 2 diabetes.

      • Lydia says:

        That’s the interesting issue. As the book Sugar Nation says many doctors in the UK and US realise their diabetic patients simply will be unable to change diet very much so they medicate them b ut that’s such a shame. It is not that hard to change a habit – it takes a certain time period and persistence (although it is very hard to get out of addictions). Anyway we’ll see. He wants to move the meeting to the weekend near me at lunch time. I just refused that. I am slightly interested in the reluctance to meet in early evening. He is very wedded on lunch. May be since retirement and 3 or 4 hour lunch with friends is a big thing for him. Or as I already suggested when he would be uncontactable for a long weekend, that usually means there is a wife.

        I suppose I’m not keen enough to be rushing round agreeing to see him in the middle of my weekend. I also suggested the venues for the drink so let us see what he comes up with.I got a bit sick of men picking awful places or places that no longer exists or where they are so noisy you cannot be heard so I found making suggestions helps. As I drink tap water I tend not to be very expensive.

  • Aggie MacKenzie says:

    Planx, am so proud of you. Well done. Am in semi-similar sitch and, yes, it cd drive you mad if you weren’t able to self-regulate. Xx

  • EmGee says:

    You were right to write ST off. I was going to suggest as an experiment that you wait 3 weeks before texting him back with a reply, just to see if a few weeks later, he would respond back with another 9 words or so, until I read that you’d already texted him back. Drat.

    As few and far between as the twinkles seem to be, you are doing better than just over a year ago? It may be slow and halting, but better than a standstill.

    • The Plankton says:

      Thanks, EmGee. I have decided I don’t care if I never him from him again, which of course – Sod’s Law – means I probably will. At some point, some time, when I am least expecting it, not that I am expecting it at all. But I won’t care how I respond, if I bother. It’ll be like responding to anyone: just as I feel, or not as the case may be. Phew! Pxx

  • Caz says:

    ….the trouble with texting or e-mailing back within a short space of time is that you have immediately relinquished control in a dating situation – and have put yourself in the waiting position again – not a happy place to be.
    Much better to wait a while, as thirtysomething suggests, then you are back in control in the driving seat and at a huge advantage psychologically.
    However – I guess the phone call put an end to thoughts of what may have been firmly out of your head Plankton.

    ps….did you enjoy the final episode of Homeland?…I loved that series and it was only because of your blog that I started to watch it so thankyou P!

    • The Plankton says:

      The joy is: I am no longer waiting because I no longer care or not whether he gets in touch ever again. Have moved on. Call it self-preservation, but it’s one of the few things I am pretty good at! I am glad you enjoyed Homeland. I loved it; was totally hooked. I shall miss it after being glued for 12 weeks. I had all sorts of theories and thoughts about this last episode (BRILLIANTLY acted by Damian Lewis and Cla(i?)re Danes, I thought), though was puzzled by how Brodie dealt with Walker (not to give things away to those who might not yet have seen it). Pxx

  • Dear Plankton,

    I call this being “back-burnered.” Men, it would seem, love to keep us friendly, warm and loosely on their radar whilst they’re off flitting about with the newer model…just in case.

    I hate it!

    • marriednotsmug says:

      I thought this! He’s keeping his options open. If he texts you again, P, delete!

    • The Plankton says:

      Probably, though I suspect I am not even on his back-burner, more his scrap heap. But I no longer care!!! Pxx

    • MissM says:

      Thank you Failedatforty, I was totally at a loss as to how to interpret ST’s behaviour. Your explanation that it is about keeping options open in case the preferred choices fall through, makes perfect sense.

    • Lydia says:

      It’s not just a male thing. If I have 4 or 5 possible men there is bound to be a pecking order and when a few disappear or you discount them only then the back burner one might be considered.

  • Caz says:

    I think Brodie dealt with Walker in the way he did as it was the only way he show his commitment to AN. I was puzzled how Brodie passed the lie detector test when asked if he’d been unfaithful? Maybe he’d been brainwashed.

    As you say….musn;t give anything away but those two actors are SUPERB!! I was electrified all way through last episode. What a contrast seeing Damien on “Have I got news for you” last week! ( I didn;t realise he went to Eton….and you’d never guess from his American accent)

    Glad you sound so upbeat – indifference is good when someone has not been very gentlemanly.

  • rosie says:

    And the horrible inevitability is that ST (Sad Twat?) will go on to do exactly the same thing to the next funny, worldly, educated, happened-not to-have-been-born-with-a-dick-between-their-legs person the gods send his way.

    I don’t know much about Freud and have no idea what he would make of these men (do they not grow on trees?) but ‘apron strings’ must be in there somewhere.

  • mary says:

    Oh boy. “Deleted”? If only. The latest instalment in the ST saga has depressed me. I see myself in a past life so very clearly. I too would have excused my over-eagerness as “good manners” and “just being who I am”. Bottom line, I think ST would have sent that first text out of politeness. He wouldn’t have put a thought into it. But dear Plankton, you! You overanalysed every word of those two lines. You then not only texted him back, you called him! I’m afraid you probably just confirmed this guy’s fears right back to him. Whatever you say, you DO care – it’s all too obvious. On your dates, you would have radiated “please let this work out, please let this work out” from every pore. I get it – you do want something to work out. Perhaps if you met the “right” person, it wouldn’t matter anyway. But I can’t help thinking you’re letting yourself down – and putting potential “real” twinkles off. Fake it till you make it. Don’t be so NICE to these guys! It’s not rude to not return a text. And as for calling “to make sure you were over him” – c’mon! No one’s buying that.

    • The Plankton says:

      I promise you, Mary, I no longer care about him and I am not going to make the mistake of caring about anyone who doesn’t care about me ever again. In fact , I have just written next week’s Times column on the very subject. It’s in the Times on Monday, and here on the blog on Tuesday. Believe me, I don’t care about him any more. pxx

      • Margaux says:

        This sounds like a new Plankton 🙂 hurrah!

        You know me and my mantras – this one is stuck on my pc currently:

        ‘Never make a priority of someone to whom you are merely an option’

        ( Mark Twain I believe)

      • The Plankton says:

        Well, absolutely. Perfectly put! Pxx

      • Dawn says:

        That’s my motto as well. The phone (email, text messages and postal mail, for that matter) works both ways.

      • kathypan says:

        you might not care about him anymore, but the truth is, the emotion is still there, as in the void, the emptiness AND it will be transferred on to the next uninterested guy. Please check out the baggagereclaim site (and ther facebook page) i read it all the time, it is about unavailable men and the things we do to try and get them. Tons of articles- a recent one about the relationahip slot machine- we keep putting coins in for a win, and even a small win (ie a mealy mouthed text) keeps us playing. But its the house that always wins (ir the guy) . The punter never wins! the site will give you heaps to think about

  • mary says:

    One last thing – having a lot of commenters overanalyse everything along with you – and make all these assumptions about “poor” ST (he’s a bastard, he doesn’t deserve you, he clearly has intimacy issues and so on) …probably not helping!

  • plumgrape says:

    If what we are talking about is “ego stroking”, then I say your site is just fantastic, Plankton. I love you. You are interesting, challenging, fabulously erudite and obviously gorgeous. We all deserve each other, if only we could all fully understand each other and our selves one and all, wouldn’t that would be marvelous? I wonder if we really know what we are capable of and of what we would be willing to do for each other if our spirits could only be truly revealed and set free. Plankton you are a diamond and I bet just ever so fabulously sexy too.

  • june says:

    i m with you Miss M, i have to find them attractive, my plankton neighbour and i were discussing this yesterday, and saying thats how we both feel, If you dont,there is no point in it, what are you going to do if you dont,put a permanent paper bag over their head!

    Also i read somewhere on here, if too keen and seeming desperate you put men off, for years when i much younger and possibly not past my sell by date,i was indifferent to men, i never acted desperately, i just couldnt be bothered, but never attracted them, i was told recently by a bloke i went to school with, i was attractive, a nice person and looked very youthful, im just “not sexy” so possibly thats the problem, i never was,i have all the “bits” they just dont work on men.

  • kathypan says:

    Why oh why did you call him, after a mealy mouthed text from him?? All he has to do is text and you CALL??? oh Ms Plankton, as a Plankton myself I am totally on your side, but seriously?

  • kathypan says:

    as a sidenote, but very relevant- I watched a TV show last night, an ongoing series here in Australia called “Agony Aunts”- you can watch it online Ms Plankton , through ABC TV “I View”,,,, Anyway- its a bunch of comedians, and well known female australians aged from 20 – 80 yrs discussing love, dating and men, a bit like the UK’s Grumpy Old Women series.

    Anyway there was some discussion about how to tell if a guy is interested in you, and they were saying that the fact is that if a man is interested he will build a bridge to you. He will make it happen.

    There is no inbetween. Mealy mouthed texts and 9 words mean he is NOT interested, perhaps just contacting you for an ego boost. Perhaps he was rejected by someone he was really into and just contacted to see because he knew you would take the bait.

    There is no mind reading here. If he is acting half hearted, then he IS half hearted. Men are simple creatures, they really are!

  • Aphra says:

    Hi Plankton

    I don’t think you could have done things any differently with ST and I feel that the comments here suggesting that you weren’t cool enough are unfair.

    In my experience most single, straight, goodlooking men of a certain age have something going on i.e. an actual girlfriend, unfinished business with someone who’s still lurking in the background, or someone newish bubbling away. No amount of playing cool is going to affect these. And I agree that you did absolutely the right thing to ring him – for your own peace of mind.
    And incidentally for future use – if you do think you want to be cooler next time – there’s nothing that dampens the ardour when faced with a gorgeous man than assuming, right from the off, that he’s seeing someone already (or hankering after someone). Bear that in mind and you won’t get swept away. If he turns out not to be – you’ve hit the jackpot!

    PS I’m in my mid-fifties and have been in a relationship for eight months with someone of similar age (who’s caring, intelligent and attractive) I met on the internet. (And yes I hated everything about internet dating but gritted my teeth in intermittent bouts (that’s all I could stand).

    You sound like a great woman – and it will happen.


  • sophs says:

    I do partly agree with people arguing that “he’s just not that into you” BUT it is sometimes so mystifying how people can go from SO interested to so not interested when it appears that nothing has changed. I had a similar experience a couple of months ago (he did all the chasing) and it left me racking my brains wondering what I said / did that was so repellant! x

    • Lydia says:

      Someone I spoke to recently went cold a few months ago. He told me recently the reason was at that time he was just starting seeing someone and presumably he thought she would be better.

      A lot of marriages are as much about whether two people are in the right frame of mind and place in their life at the same time rather than there is one person on this planet for you and only that one will do.

    • The Plankton says:

      Well, precisely!? xx

    • MissM says:

      I had that once Sophs, I had almost a year of pure devotion which came to an abrupt standstill for no discernible reason. It was all the more devastating to me because of my inability to find a reason, and I needed outside help to make me see the problem in fact lay with him and not me. Sometimes the people we meet do just come complete with issues of their own that have nothing to do with us.

  • rosie says:

    “It’s not rude to not return a text.”

    I rather think it is. And if he did the same to his friends (presuming he has any) he would soon find himself friendless.

    “You then not only texted him back, you called him!”

    And? These are grown men, ffs. If so many women stopped making excuses for men’s shitty behaviour, they’d have to stop it whether they liked it or not, and a simple text/phone call would be exactly that, not an excuse to round on someone because she might just – shock horror – want to be treated with a bit of human dignity.

    • Dawn says:

      Not only that, but if he’s so delicate that he can’t handle a text being answered or being telephoned, would you really want to spend much time with him? You’d have to walk on eggshells the whole time lest you speak out of turn.

    • MissM says:

      Agreed. Always be yourself, if they don’t like it then there was no point in having them anyway and therefore there was no loss.

      On a side note, I have had two relationships in the past which started out with me being perhaps a little cool (purely because I was not all that into the guys initially) and I would have probably played all the appropriate games that require aloofness by accident rather than as part of a game plan. The result was that the guys were very interested until a short time after I fell for them, at which point I was unceremoniously dumped both times.

      If I guy is really interested in the chase, sometimes all he is interested in is the chase, and once he has caught his prey all he wants is to find the next thing to pursue. There is no future with a guy like that and best way I know of to avoid those sort of guys is not to run in the first place, if he loses interest then you made a lucky escape.

      • Lydia says:

        A lot of divorced men with children out there genuinely want another long relationship. I do not think most of them want quick sex or just the chase unless they are life long seducers. They just want someone who loves them and can be nice to them and to live with nad in a sense to replicate the long marriage they had. They are often the ones to go after. At my age they have sometimes also had a short second marriage whcih they rushed into and it didn’t work out which is a bit off putting but perhaps not their fault.

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