Shocker Date with a Married Man
May 14, 2012 § 33 Comments
Just because I have to go to everything and get out there et bloody cetera, I went to a gig last week (Police Dog Hogan, incidentally: BRILLIANT). The place was heaving with mates and several (female) friends told me how fantastic and young I was looking (none of the men said as much, natch, but that is what female friends do; we all do it to each other, looking after each other’s emotional welfare. I don’t care if it’s all a load of bollocks, it feels nice). I had a lovely time but there wasn’t a husband to be had, of course, just a lot of other people’s. Never mind. I loved the music and enjoyed seeing dozens of old muckers and keeping tabs on loads of people I knew in my youth. I only ever see them at these sort of things, but it’s reassuring in a way, as if one’s past still exists somehow and is still pleased to see one, even if one only taps into it rarely.
On the drive home, my plankton companion and I bemoaned the fact neither of us had a man with whom to go to the theatre, let alone all the rest. Even forgetting the idea of a fully-paid-up lover, it would at this disappointing juncture be consoling even to have what my mother’s generation called a “walker”. Can’t even get one of those! My friend had seen an old (still bachelor) boyfriend at the gig and they had had a lovely drunken chat and she had mentioned going to the theatre with him and he had responded positively but she knew it would never happen because he is such a commitment-phobe that he can’t even keep an email communication going for longer than a three or four way sally before he goes silent, let alone the thought of a companionable trip to the West End with an old mate. As for me, I cannot think of one male friend to go to the movies or theatre with. They are all married and it might be crossing a line to ask, close though we are. The few single ones whom I have known for years but with whom nothing is ever going to happen because neither of us fancy each other, may think I fancy them if I suddenly rang them out of the blue and suggested a sort of date even if I didn’t mean it to be a date.
Then, in the funny way life is, I received a text the very next day from a man from my past who took me out to lunch a few months ago and told me about his marriage which isn’t perfect because his wife wishes to have an affair and he wishes she didn’t. He loves her; has always been faithful to her. The text was asking me to the theatre and thirty seconds later another text came rushing through saying he had two tickets but his wife was away and she was the one who suggested me as his date for the evening… I rang him and told him he needn’t have bothered with the second text as I knew fine well he wasn’t suggesting anything untoward.
“I just thought,” he said, “I had better make it absolutely clear what I was about, just in case you thought…” I admired his openness and we laughed. I said, if only I was the sort of woman to go after married men, I’d probably be having a lot more “fun”! But alas it is not in my make up; it’s not what I do; and, I am not being pious or anything, well, maybe a bit, but I just don’t believe in it. Quite apart from it being immoral (that’s maybe the pious bit?), it’s a hiding to surround-sound misery.
So we are clear on that then, and I have a date with a married man with whom I am going to the theatre and dinner this week, but it’s not a date-date, obv.
I haven’t got a single one of those and from where I am standing, it feels as if I never will.
There again, life has a funny way of working out.