The Philanderer

June 26, 2012 § 100 Comments

(Belatedly, apologetically) from yesterday’s Times:-

Is it flattering to be being chased by a philanderer?

I suppose that philanderers are attracted to even more women than are your average fellows and so are, by definition, less discriminating.  But when a leading philanderer turns his attentions a plankton’s way, it is hard for her not to feel a wee frisson of, well, pleasure, I guess.  Still a player after all!  What I cannot decide is whether it is more, or less, flattering to inspire the interest of a philanderer as opposed to any other type of man?

More, maybe, because he sleeps with many beautiful women and is supposing to count you amongst them; less, probably, because you are destined to become just one more notch blended on a bedpost with more notches across it than a dungeon wall carved by lifers ticking off eternal hours.

I don’t know, but one thing that can be said for the Philanderer is that he doesn’t muck about.  He gets in touch within hours of meeting you and when you respond he doesn’t disappear for good into the bloody undergrowth like a nocturnal woodland animal.  He replies and suggests meeting forthwith and makes his intentions as good as abundantly clear.  None of the tedious dissembling and mixed messages and emotional palaver gone in for by the ludicrous Smidgens and Surprise Twinkles and Long Shots of this world.  Straight down the line.  Notably refreshing and beguiling.

But dangerous.  Potentially properly dangerous.

Have some fun, for God’s sake, everyone tells me, “Unless,” one friend laughs, “you no longer have a fun gene?”  I promise I do.  I do!  And yet, is it seemly at my age?  And he is a famous shit.

“No, he’s not,” another girlfriend reassures me, “because he makes it absolutely clear from the outset where you stand.”

Well, that’s something I suppose.  Though it is a pretty grotty choice the plankton faces: the emotional incompetents who reside on some weird spectrum which would seem to preclude grown-up relations with women, versus the well-balanced, straight-forward shits so suave they can schmooze any number of vulnerable gullibles into bed just because they have grasped the crudest basics of communication.

The Self-Preservation Department has issued a warning to proceed with All Due Diligence and I agree I could probably do without the fall-out head destruction which, though not inevitable, could be said to be fairly likely. On the other hand, the Have Fun Brigade has delivered a statement to the tune of Bring it On, What are you waiting for?  And part of me thinks, yeah, right, what?

But the jury is still out.

Watch this space.  Which at the Philanderer’s rate, mightn’t be all that long.

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§ 100 Responses to The Philanderer

  • There are presently twenty- four (24) headlines on the “relationships” page of The Times online. Four (4) of them are articles by Ms. Plankton…

    @ Smidgen, Trifle, Snowmen, Emailing Men, Very Little Chance, whomever else I can’t remember right now, and all swinging bachelors in the London metro- area…. Will one of you please crawl out from under the tables in your mancaves and invite this woman out for dessert one evening next week?

  • Lydia says:

    Is philanderer married? If not and you want some fun see him. If he is steer clear. This week “herpes man” wrote to tell me how he was getting on. Apparently just by chance in a bar or a performance there he saw someone he liked the look of singing. He gave his card. They met… she is wonderful. (except married… more fool him, silly him. of course nicely I’ve said – people may be hurt; I am sure like a lot of long marriage trugglng on with not much sex and not realy liking each other it might be ripe to break up but there is a better way than that in my view). Anyway we’ll see and he is certainly not a philanderer.

    After rejecting fat divorced man he then asked me to a swingers evening (ugh… – the thought of all those very fat old men with nothing on). There certainly seems to be much sex to be had for planktons of all kinds of they want it and plenty of lonely men who find it hard after al ong marriage suddenly to be alone and want to move right into a new marriage – they often do very very quickly, whereas many women are stronger and quite like their freedom (eg Twiggy and also some over 60 actor in that Indian flim about care home in India both in the press saying they are happiyl single although open to offers).

    I am having a lovely year and quite happy currently single.

  • Dawn says:

    If you simply want a bit of amusement, why not? But beware the fall-out head destruction. Only you know if you can avoid that.

    • The Plankton says:

      I can. There has been a sea change in me since Surprise Twinkle ie. I am not going to let THAT happen to me again. Pxx

      • plumgrape says:

        Take the bull by the horns, Plankton, don’t listen to any excuses, enjoy your life (God knows, ours is going to be short enough), be fearless and join your “Have Fun Brigade”. Good luck and Happy Hunting.

  • ianw says:

    [due to a senior moment, I accidentally posted this in yesterday’s blog, where it makes no sense at all. apologies]
    An occasional contributor. Happily married for 26 years to a Mrs Standard Bearer, but enjoy very much the insights and opinions voiced on these pages. So I might make two of my own here.
    My wife had a bit of a health scare a few years ago – total false alarm in the event – but it did make my thoughts turn rather unworthily towards the possibility that I might find myself on my own in my early fifties. And I am afraid that at best, I would probably have turned into another Philanderer, with no desire to settle down long term again, with plenty of friends to keep me company and the comfort of my children. I enjoy female company very much, and if such company led to mutually enjoyable recreational sex without commitment then so much the better. Not
    really the kind of chap P is looking for, but I hope that at least I would be as up front as her Philanderer.
    Secondly the point about whether this man is married or not is well made. I have a friend, divorced a few years ago who has been conducting a pleasant cinq a sept with a married man for the past two years. Not ideal from her point of view as she has developed a strong emotional attachment to him, but needs must. And then the wife found out, thanks to a carelessly left Blackberry and all hell has broken loose. Really really unpleasant and a situation in which there will be no winners. So P I can only commend you for your “no married men” rule.

  • SteveH says:

    Interesting word “Philanderer”.

    I wonder what the word for the female equivalent is ? I rather fear it’s more judgmental,probably beginning with the letters “sl..”

    • plumgrape says:

      Congratulations on no editing, Plankton. Explicitly said, SteveH.
      Here is a song for you readers, enjoy: (One Love, Bob Marley): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cp-6g_CdpJs&feature=BFa&list=PLA4B1A757E8998919

    • kathy says:

      agree. And i feel that when women get to Plankton age, men just look at us and think, oh she’ll take scraps, she is desperate, i can be a philanderer all i want

      • Elle says:

        Kathy, are philanderers all that bad? What you see is what you get. At our age most men who are single don’t want to commit. They’re either confirmed bachelors or have been burned by divorce. There are plenty of women out there for them to enjoy, why should they just settle for one?

        The supposedly “nice guys” are often wolves in sheeps clothing. That’s my experience anyway. Give me a bad boy anytime, what you see is what you get rather than a “nice guy” who stabs you in the back after he’s finished being nice to your face.

      • The Plankton says:

        Very good point, Elle. Pxx

      • Elle says:

        Another thing, philanderers often enjoy the company of women. Men who don’t find it so easy to communicate with women sometimes don’t enjoy our company but like having sex with us.

        You can enjoy being in the company of a philanderer and do as much or as little as you like. He probably won’t stick around but he probably won’t judge you eityer.

      • The Plankton says:

        And another one. Thanks. Pxx

  • rosie says:

    Half of me would fancy a bit of mild flirting, the other half would be thinking, sod it, I can’t be arsed and he can go do his philandering elsewhere. Also what Dawn says. I’m easily prone to head destruction even if I know they’re bad news.

    But P, you have them coming thick and fast! I’m no mathematician but the law of averages must dictate that one of these men is going to come good any day soon. Meanwhile, on my side of the fence, it is and has been for so long it may as well have been for ever, bleak house.

    • The Plankton says:

      Funnily enough, a friend said the very same only a few days ago. Someone’s got to come good one day soon. it sure as hell ain’t likely to be the Philanderer, but maybe he should be seen, my friend said, as “a stepping-stone!” Pxx

    • kathy says:

      the thing is Ms Plankton , is that it seems liek you are after a relationship, not “fun” and being a Philanderers plaything does NOT lead to a relationship! ever!

      • plumgrape says:

        I would beg to disagree, Kathy. If she is the one, Miss Right, then hell can freeze over, there’s no stone that will be left unturned. Isn’t that what all we men are told: Are you the one, are you not Mr. Right? Can’t you commit and all that stuff?
        Shall I retreat behind the mesh, I ask, or will you allow me to talk to you? Can I persuade you, or will you give me no chance, plankton? And the truth be told she retreated, my Joanna to her husband, that guess what she wasn’t actually divorced from! She had the decree nisi, but not the decree absolute! Now that’s really a distinction wouldn’t you say?

  • Emgee says:

    If his intentions are so universally well known, then how many of his conquests (for lack of a better word), aren’t? just playing right along with him? Unless sex is expected with the first date (because I know you are not that type), why not? I mean, he’s notorious, and yet gets plenty of dates, presumably with attractive, iintelligent women. Already he’s given your self confidence a boost, go for it, and have some fun! I’d wager that you’ll come to the conclusion that he’s not your type anyway.

  • MissBates says:

    Women do love a “bad boy,” don’t they? ….although I have long doubted whether they really deserve negative press. I confess that some of my fondest memories are of just such a guy (unmarried I hasten to emphasize), who made no bones about the fact that he was NOT in it for the commitment, but with whom I had a lot of fun (both socially and in bed) while it lasted, which was for only about six months, and then he went on to the next conquest, and the next, etc. He was completely straightforward; we had a pleasant, affectionate relationship; he treated me well, and now, years later, long after our physical relationship ended, he still checks in with me every year or so, just to ask how I am, or to congratulate me on some professional achievement he’s heard about, etc. (He has no ulterior motive as he now lives half a world away and there is not the remotest possibility of rekidling even a weekend fling. He’s just — dare I say it — “nice.”) Yes, of COURSE I wish it had turned into more way back when, but as it happens I have never felt even a twinge of bitterness over him because he was so totally honest. Can’t say the same about some others …. So all this is just by way of saying, enjoy him, Plankton — the attention, the forthrightness, the sheer uncomplicated-ness. But believe him when he tells you to have no expectations.

  • Disappointed says:

    I have followed you in the Times for sometime and with sympathy. However, this last post gets to me.. so you know what he’s like, and yet it would seem you’ll reward his behaviour thus reaffirming it. Therefore, I can only suggest you don’t complain about it, or about men behaving as ‘philanderers’. In fact, as a man, I can’t help but think this reaffirms that actually being intelligent, polite and thoughtful isn’t the way to go. Its not just men that don’t return the calls, not just guys that will blank you on line etc… I am afraid, I’m going to learn to be a sh*t.. I doubt I will succeed, its not what I am, but it looks like its worth a try doesn’t it?

    • plumgrape says:

      No, disappointed, be the gentleman that you are. Don’t compromise, maybe we too will get lucky and hit the jackpot. That’s what Plankton wants. I am reminded of the lottery joke of a man praying to a statue for a win and the statue comes alive pleading suddenly “please just buy a ticket!”

    • The Plankton says:

      Whew! Don’t know where to start in reply to this. For a start, the Philanderer is intelligent, polite and thoughtful, just not into commitment (if his track record is anything to go by, though that may have changed). The one doesn’t necessarily preclude the other. And, as my friend said, he is not a shit because he is straight up and doesn’t lead women up a garden path. Well, I don’t know him well enough yet to know if that is true or not and I don’t care because I have a strong carapace at the moment so am not going to fall for any of that – or, indeed, for him. When you say I am going to reward his behaviour – how? By having dinner with him? I am not sure that is rewarding anything. It’s just a case of Man asks Woman out to dinner and she says Yes. At this point, no more, no less. As for you opting to become a shit, like me becoming a bitch, like a certain woman I know who gets countless men: it doesn’t work without a certain look, I am afraid, and a certain Je ne sais quoi. People either have it or they don’t. Rarely can it be acquired. Personally, I don’t have the legs for it (literally or metaphorically). But anyway, it’s a dodgy aspiration in the first place and not worth a try. I have had to accept that I ain’t no man-snaring bitch and pretending to be one would be pathetic. Disappointed, I should stick with who you are. Pxx

      • Disappointed says:

        Replies here are intelligent and thoughful, so I will be brief and rely on your insight to what I mean. Plankton, you are correct, I cannot simply become a sh*t and yes it is difficult to acquire. I feel sad however, it is what I want and what is rewarded. For as I hate it, I fall for it too; sorry Elle but I dont want to find my partner at ‘walking group’ (I fully appreciate the irony, trust me). Declaring ones behaviour I am not sure excuses it, and forgive me if I am wrong, but Plankton it is not simply going out for dinner is it? For you are as you are, and if you like him you will want more, and more will be given (on his terms and you will compromise yours) and guess who will get hurt in the end? Meanwhile Philanderer (a prejorative term lets admit it, not ‘Intelligent man’ or ‘Thoughtful one’ which you could have called him) will not suffer equally or perhaps at all? And the ‘track record, may have changed’ comment… really Plankton? Do you look in yourself and really belleve that? Hope is a cruel thing isn’t it… If you can have fun and treat it on those terms, then I truely hope it will be. I suspect however, like you don’t think I can make it as a cad, you wont ultimately accept the role on offer xx

      • The Plankton says:

        Thank you for this. To be honest, I don’t care if his track record has changed or not because, I can take it (or, rather, him) or leave it (him). I don’t care what the outcome is. I am having dinner with him and will behave according to how I feel at the time. My eyes are W – I – D – E open, and I am feeling altogether breezy about what will be, will be (though the chances are that that may be nothing!). Thank you all the same. Pxx

      • Disappointed says:

        Apologies, if I spoke out of term x

      • Lydia says:

        No, disapopointed, we don’t want men to treat us badly. However what women do want which manypolite very nice men fail in is things like buying presents, flowers, flirting, flattery, being strong, being interested in the woman, seduction. Loads of nice men don’t have good seduction skills which is shame because if they did they would be exactly what many women want..

    • Steve says:

      Disappointed; spot on.
      Charming, reliable, honest and thoughtful – these are all words that many women interpret as dull. Boring.
      Wild, spontaneous, rouge-ish – these are words that translate as exciting. Desirable. Of course, these are qualities that eventually lead to disappointment and then these ladies wish for someone in the first category. And when one comes along, he is bemoaned for not being wild, exciting etc etc. You get the drift.

      • MissBates says:

        I for one am not into “wild spontaneous, rougue-ish” men. After a certain age (anything after 28 or so), that’s just tedious and, frankly, faintly ridiculous. The past boyfriend I alluded to in my comment above was none of those things. His “bad boy”-ness derived solely from his commitment to NON-commitment. It sounds as though Plankton’s “Philanderer” falls into the same category. No pointless games, similar interests, witty, attentive for as long as it lasts, etc etc. I have a feeling, Steve, that if a “reliable, honest & thoughtful” NON-philanderer had presented himself, Plankton would have snapped him up. But he hasn’t.

      • The Plankton says:

        Thank you, MissBates. I would have too! But such a person never showed. Pxx

      • The Plankton says:

        I disagree I am afraid. pxx

    • Elle says:

      If you are genuinely intelligent, polite and thoughtful I commend you for it. Disappointed, don’t learn to be a sh*t. Be yourself and you will find somebody genuine, perhaps you are looking in the wrong places? Alcohol fuelled venues such as bars, clubs etc. are all prime hunting ground for players but if you’re looking for something more meaningful try walking groups, book clubs or other places where single women and alcohol don’t come together.

  • plumgrape says:

    God bless your sable tongue, Plankton. The Self-Preservation Department” and “the Have Fun Brigade” win an award! Congratulations. Remember though “Noting Ventured, nothing Gained”.

  • kathy says:

    Philanderers are nice and exciting for a couple of days/ weeks/ months, but when you sit back and really think about the fact that you are one of many many women he is philandering with, what you end up is feeling worse than you did at the start. And for a Plankton who is already down on herself, this is very very bad

    Don’t take scraps. Have a read of this site, it has loads of articles on men and unavailability

    http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/

  • kathy says:

    http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/youre-not-in-pretty-woman-do-you-believe-in-the-booty-call-fairy-tale/

    this article here should be read by anyone, in , or considering a “casual” relationship (philanderer)

  • Elle says:

    As far as I know Plankton is going for a date with Philanderer. I hope she enjoys it. If she isn’t what Philanderer is looking for they can both move on after a date or a few and hopefully they’ll both have enjoyed each other’s company regardless. It sounds like he’s an upfront sort of man, unlike Surprise Twinkle or Long Shot.

    I would guess that Surprise Twinkle and Long Shot are looking for exactly the same things as Philanderer only they haven’t got the guts to be upfront about it.

    The reality is that very few men in middle age are looking for relationships but many are looking for female company. This is the reality even though it may not be pleasant. Why don’t we get real, stop believing in the fairytale and make the most of life as it is? If this means going on a date with “a famous shit” and having no expectations so be it. I reckon that Philanderer won’t make Plankton feel any worse than Surprise Twinkle or Long Shot did. In fact, he might make her feel better even if it doesn’t last.

    • MissBates says:

      Elle: Hear, hear!! You’ve expressed it much better than I did.

    • Margaux says:

      Well said Elle ! spot on!

    • Lydia says:

      I don’t think you can generralise between the sexes. Loads of men I’ve met have been turfed out by a wife, never wanted a divorce and want to remarry ASAP. They want to commit more than I do.

      Others are quite happy without living with a partner as I am unless a very good one turned up as there are advantages in having one’s freedom etc. One I spoke to recently who has 3 children has split up with his last girl friend because she wanted to move on to moving in and he thinks that would spoil his relationship with his youngest child and he is putting that first. Others of us simply like to be free in our houses not to have someone around all the time of the opposite sex.

  • Margaux says:

    If you stick to Alexander Pope’s: “He/she who expects nothing will never be disappointed ” – why not go and enjoy?

    And what’s all this about ‘being seemly’ and age again? Use it or lose it P – sounds like you need a bit of ‘life affirmation’ 😉

  • py says:

    Dear Plankton
    In 1983, John Betjeman was asked if he had an regrets in life. He replied , ” Yes, I haven’t had enough sex.” He died in 1984.
    Now, I’m not suggesting that particular Poet Laureate was an infamous Philanderer but it serves as a timely reminder re the amount of spring in our mortal coil.
    I am with Elle and MissBates re the Philanderer – sound views drawn from practical experience.
    But, is he really a ‘shit’ ? He may be an upfront opprtunist, an exploiter with guile or is he a serial monogamist – putting his all into a series of (albeit short lived) relationships ? Whichever, he is the ‘loser’ in the end but whilst the music is still playing and partners available, he’ll dance on. Just don’t believe he will change or be brought to heel.
    You are more than capable of making your own mind up on how you are going to play your ‘date’. If he gives you his undivided attention, lights up your life and you go in eyes wide open with no expectations, then just enjoy the moment. After all it is the frisson he induces which is attracting you in the first place.
    Clearly there are 496 correspondents expecting a full de-brief, so, no pressure…….

  • rosie says:

    Having fun is one thing but if your heart rules your head, as does mine, and your best intentions and protestations to the contrary fly out the window in the presence of a sexy schmoozer, even if you know him to be a shit, then you’re in potentially dangerous territory. But P already knows that.

  • James B says:

    Wonderful news! Enjoy the fun date and welcome back to the world of sexual intrigue. The thing is, you are BACK. Back as a sexually desirable object, back as a socially active dating animal. Whatever happens here, it will do your confidence the power of good and while you will not get a serious relationship from this, the benefits should be instant. To feel desired, to flirt, to have sex perhaps, this will bring back a confidence and a glow that will take years off you and mysteriously, will undoubtedly make you more attractive to other men. Who knows why this is? Still, he should be good company and it is not a meaningless date just not a marriage prospect. There is a big difference. Have fun!

  • Chris says:

    Well, planky, yer might as well knock abaht wiv the old philanderer otherwise people like me will say that are rejecting opportunities again. Fing is, along wiv some of yer accolytes here, I think you really need to question what you find accaeptable in men. It is my contention that any wokman can find a man if she is not at all picky. Why not just be honest and say there is no shortage of single men but there is a shortage of single men available to you who meet you requirements. Lets put it another way. Just to use a cliche, I would love a leggy blond in her twenties wiv big boobs. But I knlow am realistic, I know such a woman would never find me attractive. So quite sensibly I settle for womenj who do find me attractivde. Bingo,l I am not on my own and can enjoy my life with someone who is not absolutely ideal but is just fine for me. Do you get where this is going ? Life is as hard as you make it. Lets face it, life is a series of compromises for most people and will probably bne more so in the future in an increasingly competitive world.

    • Elle says:

      Chris, are you Will Self in disguise? That last post is written in much the same Mokni dialect as that in The Book of Dave.Next you’ll be telling us we’s all boilers.

      • Chris says:

        Wossa a boiler ? No, I am trying to make a serious point, which is that if you are unsuccessful for years in persuing a happy relationship then something is wrong and the common denominator is…..you !! Just saying some people might need to redraw their relationship potential in order to approach this part of their life in a manner more likely to garner soccess. There, not too much Will Self I hope

    • EmGee says:

      @ Chris: That made absolutely no sense, except for pointing out the bleeding obvious. We all know we’d get dates if we set the bar low enough (like in the ground), and that setting it too high (someone who looks like a wet dream) won’t garner any results at all.

      It’s as though you to fail to realize there is a deep, wide gulf between the two. If you are in a relationship that satisfies you great, but to lay the blame at everyone else’s feet, because in your eyes, we are somehow ‘doing it wrong’ is ridiculous. Or, you are just another obnoxious troll, and I’ve wasted 5 minutes of my life responding to you. Probably that.

      By the looks of things I’ve seen online, we who frequent this blog are hardly a minority of misfits. In fact most of us seem to otherwise have a very healthy outlook on life.

  • rosie says:

    Oh, I do love a smooth-talking charmer. Chris, if you ever finish wiv your lucky, lucky partner, feel free to give me a call. Unless, that is, I’ve been unable to stop myself from humping the geriatric sex pest, who frequents my local Caffe Nero and uses his age and ‘infirmity’ to pretend he’s not looking at your tits, in the meantime. I’ll let you know.

    • Chris says:

      Rosie, I am sure you are a lovely lady, but you just don’t get it. Because of my pragmatic attitude I stand aside from this blog in a happy relationship. I just try to offer different perspectives. Mind you, you did make me laugh with your description of the geriatric sex pest. Ah, what the heck if he looks at yer boobs, at least yer giving the poor old git some pleasure in his twilight years. Guess my ‘loose’ attitude don’t resonate on this blog.

      • Jo says:

        Chris. ‘Because of my pragmatic attitude, I stand aside from this blog in a happy relationship. I just try to offer different perspectives’.
        No you don’t. Your ‘different perspectives’ are idiotic, stupid and plain insulting to the myriad of intelligent, experienced and forward thinking women on this blog. We are not dumb, narrow beings here. In need of your stunted ‘perspectives’.
        Hi all. A brief re-entry here, but straight back to my dear ailing friend.
        No time for regular posts. But couldn’t help but respond to this.
        Another update. ‘The Artist’ from the internet and I are still going strong. More than a year on…. Happy. Loved up and feeling entirely blessed. Bloody hell eh?
        Warmest wishes to all. A rare drop-in but unfortunately still can’t back for a while yet…
        Please send good thoughts to my dear friend. Fighting for her life. With me beside her every step of the way. Full time.
        Be back…Sometime…
        Rock on P.
        xx

      • The Plankton says:

        Thanks for the drop-in, Jo. Good to hear it’s still going well with “The Artist”. Pxx

    • T Lover says:

      Rosie,

      Funny old do this business of women’s breasts.

      Cards on table.

      Blokes do it – have a (good) look.

      Women encourage them (men) to do it – have a look.

      So, in your politically correct world does this make you ageist? You discriminate by age?

      • T Lover says:

        I tapped out this silly reply to pull a leg.

        I pressed “post” then scrolled down the page to see the note from Privateman.

        Felt a bit strange to see he’s dead.

  • Jo says:

    Meant ‘can’t BE back for a while yet’. Obvs..
    Sorry. Hasty – unchecked – typing error! X

  • Dear Plankton…

    Munson passed away yesterday. I thought you should know.

  • Emgee says:

    So very sorry to hear that, I extend sympathy to his family. I know he was very concerned for his wife’s well being in the event of his passing.

  • Jo says:

    TV Munson?
    Also my dear and lovely friend, battling on…?
    Legacy and lesson?
    Let us all think about what really, truly matters in Life…Truly.
    Not being sanctimonious. Just an observation and thoughts…
    Bye for now all.
    Jo xx

  • june says:

    Go for it P, as long as you know where you stand and it isnt going to lead to a long term relationship,i would if i ever got the bloody oportunity which at the moment semms pretty unlikely as i sit here typing this on yet another lonesome saturday night.Did go out last sat night for my birthday but with 4 coupled up close female friends and did enjoy it. O well at least i celebrated it i supose, and being the birthday it was it is very ulikely i will be ever dining out with a man, in spite of my friends saying who would ever believe you are that old and people telling me from my facebook pic of the night how great i looked, but to men in my neck of woods,i might as well be bloody invisible, if i ever get any decent contacts on POF they are always miles away, or if nearer, totally grotty and you just wouldnt go there.

    So now P i honestly think if a philanderer came along, i think id go for it, as many on here keep saying,life is short and i am bored and fed up so what the hell, take a chance, personally i wish i could see any windows of opportunity going for me, but quite frankly i think at my age, although i neither look it, feel it or act it, there wont be any.

    • EmGee says:

      June, if it is any consolation, plenty of coupled women have their birthdays forgotten, or are lucky if they get a card.

      Glad you could spend your special day with friends, and not be in the dumps because it wasn’t with a man (not that you would)

  • kathy says:

    June, as long as falling into teh arms of a philanderer doesnt mean mixed messages and shitty treatment i think its ok. The problem is that with Philanderers they often sense the woman is desperate and will accept their bad treatment, just so they won’t be “alone”.

    I have been in this position!

  • kathy says:

    i think that some Philanderers seek out women “of a certain age” for example, over 40 and a Plankton, because they think they will accept anything. Just be aware of that.

    • Elle says:

      I think that philanderers like the company of attractive women no matter what age they are. I don’t think they seek out desperate women, they’re too confident for that. What’s wrong with accepting the offer of a little enjoyable company, albeit short-lived? There’s no shame or desperation in that, more a spirit of adventure. Life is a journey, not a destination.

  • Marellus says:

    Thomas V Munson.

    Since you’re no longer here, and since you will never be here again, all I can say is that I wish you were here, to hijack the comment thread with some hilarious comment.

    Rest In Piece.

    (Oh and by the way Thomas, I hope you’re not explaining to them angels some new terminology for anal sex.)

  • Niven Thomson says:

    Does it occur to any of you here that the Plankton here is making good money from all this slit your wrists older women, you’ll never have sex again shit?
    If she gets positive or hooks up with anyone, the cash from the Times (notice it ain’t just a mumsnet blog any more and the Times has to be cited every time or it wouldn’t be here) dries up.
    It’s been a lean time in journalism for the last few years, even leaner than the alleged bad time older women have looking for that ever elusive relationship…yeah, right.
    It’s the Daily Mail look-what-a-horrid-time-you-have -because-you-left the-fifties-behind-serves-you-right by any other misogyny (you’ll die L_O_N_E_L_Y you older woman, unless of course you get a particularly vengeful cancer from your loneliness first) – and oh look, surprise surprise Google it and find a quote from here in a typical Mail article by the Plankton saying one of her readers had to stop looking at her column because she knew it was so true, she cried every day “and couldn’t cry any more…”
    Disgusting stuff – exploiting vulnerable people’s fears to pay your mortgage under the guise of telling it like it is….and all funded by a newspaper out of the same stable as the News of the World you mumsnetters say you despise so much
    Only connect people, but I don’t suppose you will…

    • MissBates says:

      Actually, Niven, Plankton has had a column in the Times from the beginning, as I recall, which appears in the paper on Mondays and which she posts here on Tuesdays. And I also doubt that she makes much money from the column — certainly not enough to “pay her mortgage” — as freelance journalism has never paid very well. (I would be surprised if she makes enough to pay her grocery bill, much less her mortgage.) She certainly makes no money from this blog as there’s no advertising on it.

      Your comment is so nasty and disdainful — what angers you so much about what Plankton (and those of us who comment) have to say? Are you also a middle-aged single woman? If so, and if you have had positive midlife dating/romantic/sexual experiences, why not share an encouraging story instead of excoriating Plankton for telling that which is, for most of us, simply the truth?

      • The Plankton says:

        Thank you, Miss Bates. I was going to either trash Niven Thomson’s comments or simply respond with a “Fuck off”, but decided not to sink to his?/her? level and decided instead it was better if they were ignored. Thank you for responding on my behalf. Much appreciated. Pxx

    • EmGee says:

      😀 That was the article that lead me to the blog that caused me to become a regular reader and commenter. I have since gotten into a relationship, but the rest of the story here is that as much as we would like to have a mate, SO, husband, companion, etc, we still lead fulfilling lives. We’d just like someone to share it with

      And MissBates is right, one hardly makes one’s living off a freelance weekly column, although we have encouraged Ms P to write a book, at the very least, of her experiences, in order to help pay that mortgage.

      Somehow I don’t think we’re the pitiful ones in this equation.

      Poor Munson, I am afraid you may have been one of his ‘friends’. 😦

    • Margaux says:

      A quick google reveals from your twitter bio that you’re a freelance writer also, Niven.
      Although I can’t seem to find anything you have actually written?

  • Niven Thomson says:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2022102/Why-struggle-single-women-45-meet-soulmate.html

    And there’s the link, in case you don’t believe me.

    Whatever happened to feminism?

    Those of you who follow this stuff hook, line and sinker are to be pitied.

    • Elle says:

      Niven, why are you dredging up the archives of a tabloid known for sensationalism and misogny? Feminism is about solidarity between women and there’s plenty of that on this blog, with the odd troll to make things interesting 🙂

      • Margaux says:

        Elle – such is the random nature of how the comments appear on this blog – mine below yours was directed at our new poster Niven – NOT you. !!!
        I wasn’t saying you were begrudging anyone anything !!!!

        Even now I have to right this in response to a previous post of yours – as there is no reply button under your sign off post.

        You have caused no misunderstandings and were crystal clear. Please read my post above yours below ( confused?? 😉 ) as a response to our new poster who was condemning this blog.

        Hope that makes it clear ! ( as mud ! 😉 )
        M x

    • Margaux says:

      I am guessing that you have just found the blog / articles etc. Otherwise you would know that this has been a platform for women of all ages and similarly men.
      There has also been full disclosure – no one begrudges The Plankton for having a column in the Times – except perhaps you.
      And yes, it is hardly a mortgage payer.
      Lastly – the Mail picked up on it AFTER it started – but you’d know that if you had actually bothered to follow it for awhile.

      • The Plankton says:

        Thank you so much, Margaux. Pxx

      • Elle says:

        I don’t read the Mail so wasn’t referring to Plankton at all. I don’t begrudge Plankton for having a column in the Times – why would anybody as it’s a perfectly good newspaper.

        Apologies for causing any misunderstandings here, I was actually trying to defend Plankton against Niven’s attack.

        I think my time lurking and posting here has run its course so I wish Plankton and everyone else the best.

      • The Plankton says:

        I am sorry you are done with the blog, Elle, but of course wish you all the best. Pxx

  • rosie says:

    Well, Niven, there’s a nasty Daily Mail rant if ever I heard one. Why so full of bile? And if you know different why not tell us how it really is?

  • James B says:

    Goodness me. I think this is a most honest, realistic and emotionally authentic blog. Keep going Ms P!b

  • Margaux says:

    Elle – please see my post above yours higher up ! You were not the intended recipient of my comments above your sign off post!
    M

  • mike wilcox says:

    From a middle aged male point of view who’s just experienced a wife going through a severe mid life crisis I can see why many decide to be like the Philanderer. I mean after all, if it seems women are willing to leave faithful ( but Stodgy) husbands in droves at midlife for old flames on Facebook or the Fitness instructor, why not join the winning side?
    After all , we’ve already had our children, our biological imperative done and in many cases no fear of having more children, having had a Vasectomy forced on us by the wives that left, Why none flit like a butterfly from one flower to another ?

    It’s almost a booming industry now, dumped men are taking Gym memberships, yoga, buying new wardrobes and even taking courses on Philandering in the “Manosphere”. Funny enough, becoming the very men many of their wives left them for, but not willing to commit body and soul this time, realizing the shoe is now on the other foot……This is the flip side of the movement for “Women looking to find themselves” , they often find themselves without men ;~)

    • EmGee says:

      Maybe she left you because you are full of anger, self pity, rage and resentment. It’s always the obvious that gets overlooked.

      I apologize to everyone else for feeding the troll, but sometimes it’s just, well it’s just fun.

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