LS, Again

July 10, 2012 § 134 Comments

From yesterday’s Times:-

In a novel, the story is always roughly linear in the sense that girl (plankton, even) meets boy (widower/divorcee/OAP/entrenched bachelor who suddenly becomes less trenched) and on the whole, following a few varying but familiar hitches, they end up together.  In real life it is a whole lot bittier.  I think about the dozen or so men I have met over the past years since my divorce, and the ensuing false starts and peterings out.  Sometimes I have had more than one twinkle going simultaneously, but none of them ever quite emerges into anything significant.  My experience is the stuff of real life, of course, and it adds up to a cluttered story but only ever an insubstantial one.  So far not a novel.

In a novel, an inconsequential date, such as the one I had with Long Shot a few months ago, after which I didn’t hear another peep from him and so assumed I was morbidly hideous and properly dull, would have given rise to one of two outcomes.  He would have been dismissed from the book as a no-hoper, never to be mentioned again, except perhaps as a cipher through whom I then conveniently met someone else who saw beyond the hideousness and dullness, and lo and behold.  Or, we would have met again by glorious chance, misunderstandings would have been miraculously mopped up and the path of true love would have begun at long last to run smooth, or at least (if in a literary novel as opposed to a chick lit one) vaguely smoother before terminal disillusion set in.

As it was, this being reality plankton world, the date happened, months passed, I chose to forget about him.  Then I saw him again, partly by chance, partly by a mutual friend’s design.  And, wrong-footingly, LS was delightful and attentive and gave every appearance of not regarding me as something repellent.  Indeed, unprompted, he said he hoped to see me again and even suggested when we might do so.  To give some context: I had just heard that Telephone Number, for whom I have held a candle for a handful of years, has – oh, the inevitability of it – hooked up with a divorcee of substantial means, so that’s manifestly that; and I have a date pending with a handsome, entertaining, clever but nonetheless entirely unreliable prospect, namely the Philanderer.  So, on the one hand, a disappointment and a reason to be bothered about LS again, and on the other hand a rogue-ish reason not to be.

Relief all round: I have chosen the Not Bothered attitude to LS and to stick with Plan A with the Philanderer.  Even so, I can definitely acknowledge – Groundhog Day! – that LS has his charms.


§ 134 Responses to LS, Again

  • Lydia says:

    It is the journey both in life and in regard to finding people, friends, partners, which is the fun part, not necessarily the destination so just enjoy the whole process and relax.

    I spoke to two men yesterday or was one the day before? Both not quite right, one I’d met a few years ago and rejected. Have agreed to have dinner with him in August although I sent such a post call off putting email I suspect he will cancel it, setting out the reasons I was disappointed by our differences. The other is much more into lots of contact (which I prefer) and lives much further away. I am muddling the two in my head. Last night’s is childless which is never good. The other must have made so little an impression I am struggling to remember him as I type. We had a lot to say in both cases. Both were much worse off than I am, one not even fully divorced yet. Both in a sense the wrong class too. If I cannot stand their voices (they say words like kid and mum and we always say child and mummy etc etc) plus they are relatively impoverished and visually I do not really fancy either that is not a great start. We will see. I’m busy anyway so it doesn’t much matter and I’m happy. All nice men. They could both do a lot better than me I’m sure, someone without much of a job who thinks they are a God because they are in work.

    • Bienchen says:

      Maybe it is just me but I find your comments offensive, patronising and condescending, Lydia. Really, if you were as classy as you make out, you would not phrase your posts as you do.

      Plankton, please feel free to delete my comment if you feel it is out of order.

    • Oxonian says:

      You must explain your concept of class sometime Lydia. What’s yer poison: Marx, Weber, Bourdieu?

    • Chris says:

      Lydia sweety, exactly what model of Aston Martin is it you drive ? It seems to have slipped my find. I am sure someone as classy as yu would never deign to step into a lesser marque !!

    • kathypan says:

      why is it “never good” to be childless”???

    • Bambi says:

      “…..someone without much of a job who thinks they are a God because they are in work”……… as opposed to? Someone who thinks they are a God(dess) because they have a big, important job…..?

      I, like kathypan, am curious to know why ‘childless is never good’? This (childless) woman met a lovely,(childless), man a while ago – and it was good…..

      And before someone accuses me of making a personal attack, my point is simply this: not everyone (male or female) defines themselves by their success in their career or by the number of children they have borne.

      Agreed, TLover, “Lydia” may not have descended to ‘direct personal insult’, but I can see how some of the above post could cause offence on several fronts and may be indirectly insulting. Personally, I now suspect that this is someone who is having a bit of fun (entertaining themselves?) on the blog, trying to rise people by being a bit loopy….

      Have to say, I hate all the aggression below. I haven’t been following it closely, so not quite sure what it is all about, but it makes me sad. Love the good, sometimes lively, debates that arise on the blog though, and enjoy the very different advice P gets from all corners!

      My tuppenceworth, for what it’s worth – have fun with Philanderer, keeping in mind his ‘disposition’ 🙂

      • T Lover says:

        Yes but there is a world of difference between repeatedly picking on an individual contributor and something insensitive innocently said which causes momentary upset.

        In this blog context, you don’t know your “victim”. You nothing of that person which makes victimisation worse. Some are genuinely fragile. If you are (and if for you participation in a blog such as this is cathartic) to be picked on can be a horrid experience.

        I don’t know why a proportion of the population behave in this way. A driver makes a mistake on the road and the next goes mad. In the anonymity of the car an otherwise normal person becomes a monster.

      • T Lover says:

        “You KNOW nothing of that person which makes victimisation worse.”

      • bambi says:

        I agree, TLover,about the difference between bullying vs insensitive comments and your point is well made; but note, still no reply from Lydia/Lidius as to why ‘childless is never good’ – or a reason for the denigration of lower-echelon workers with apparently inflated egos!
        It is easy to make grandiose assertions such as these without ever bothering to justify them…..

        ….anyway, what has any of this got to do with The Main Event – our very own Miss P? All this effing and blinding will not assist her in getting her heart’s desire… 🙂

      • The Plankton says:

        Thank you, Bambi. Px

  • Bienchen says:

    You sound a lot more relaxed, Plankton, a good sign for sure. Shame about Telephone Number, must be so disappointing for you.

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you, Bienchen. It was sad about TN, but I haven’t been unduly flailed by it. The woman he is with is vastly rich but lives in a place that shows an infinite lack of taste, so I am thinking, more fool him that he is going to have to be spending time there, a place I’d only go to if planning on slitting my wrists. Yes, I am feeling a whole lot more relaxed. I don’t know quite why, but it feels good. Long may it last, though I am not holding my breath.

      • MsHaversham to be says:

        It sounds as if you’ve had a lucky escape with TN. The words rasping gold-digger come to mind. What a vile, shallow and insincere man. Having been someone’s bank account (the bastard ex) don’t ever put up with that, learn from my mistake.

        As for LS, at least you know what to expect. A bit like the Olympics and team GB, or Murray ; )

        Oh and re the journey being more important than the destination crap- as Carrie in SATC once quipped (or her script writters did) “Are we there yet?”.

  • rosie says:

    I think men can be just as gold diggerish as women. Even if they’re not bothered about the diamonds and tiaras they’ll happily shack up with women who can support them if, say, they’re ‘between jobs’, ‘starting a business’ or ‘taking time out to find out what it is they really want to do’. He’ll probably get bored with this woman and move on to his next victim in less than no time, unless she comes to her senses and kicks him out first. No prizes for guessing which one is the more likely scenario!

    I’ve been a bank account too, even though there is practically bastard all in it, and won’t be going there again either.

    Re Lydia, she is a crackpot, best taken with a pinch of salt or, better still, not at all.

    • T Lover says:

      What is wrong with being mad, eccentric, a crackpot whatever?

      She has kept this blog going from time to time with his/her take on life.

      And whoever “Lydia” might be (and if my recollection is right) he/she has had lots of brickbats thrown her/his way over the months but has never once descended to direct personal insult.

  • Scott Benowitz says:

    “In a novel, the story is always roughly linear in the sense that girl (plankton, even) meets boy (widower/divorcee/OAP/entrenched bachelor who suddenly becomes less trenched) and on the whole, following a few varying but familiar hitches, they end up together….”

    Until recently, this was probably true- I’m NOT any sort of expert in early 21st century literature, but I’ve read enough to know that in recent years, “glbt lit” has been becoming considered to be an emerging and increasingly popular genre, and that a number of novels from that genre are now giving a new twist to this same story line….

    No attempt at any sort of cheer-up words nor advice for Ms. Plankton from me here today, but that is what I thought of when I read the first sentence of today’s blogpost from within the inner workings of the mind of Ms. Plankton….

  • James B says:

    Well today, it seems, is all about class and motive. How much the British depend on class amazes me. Accents, ‘acceptable’ tastes etc really, really matter. But surely, in such a small country that further diminishes the potential pool of acceptable partners and dates? It’s a pity, I guess.

    The business of motive is murkier, but in a way more open. Let’s face it, there are gold diggers everywhere. They are easy enough to spot in time, but still some get through. But just because TN has chosen a rich woman with a large home decorated in bad taste does not mean he is definitely a gold digger, nor in my opinion does it necessarily imply that this woman is without other, more significant positive character assets. Let’s all try to be a bit more open and we’ll find that world is a rather more promising place!

  • rosie says:

    James, you’re right, the British are as class conscious as they ever were, and with this current bunch of clueless toffs running the country it’s only likely to get worse. But then it’s probably true that most people, wherever they’re from, tend to stick to their own.

  • EmGee says:

    Plan A is the best course, I agree. One can almost mark one’s calendar when guessing at LS’s next appearance. I still think he would be a good date on the odd occasion when he surfaces. And philanderer too. Better still, you will be seen on the arms of different men, making your desirability quotient soar!

    TN was more a glimmer than a twinkle anyway. I wouldn’t necessarily label him as a gold digger, but it is a lot easier to date a woman of means, than one who has to juggle work, children, financial obligations, etc.

  • Chris says:

    To paraphrase the wonderful John Macenroe ( did I spell that right ? ), LS again, you cannot be serious !! I said a long time ago that boy had really got under your skin, seems I was right !! I trust we are not in denial.

  • kathypan says:

    Really, i mean this in the kindest way, but i really think it is far easier to just give up on men completely. I have, at the ripe old age of 43.

    I looked at the statistics of my past and present luck, did the sums, and decided that any future effort on finding a man will come up fruitless.

    It is just so liberating to Give. Up. I run a business, and i can’t begin to tell you how much more work i get done.

    I no longer worry about deciphering the meaning of texts, calls, and have no use for my mind reading skills anymore.

    It has taken a while to completely give up, like any bad habit there were a few stops and starts, but i tell you this past week has been amazingly different. I am literally lighter on my feet.

    • EmGee says:

      “I no longer worry about deciphering the meaning of texts, calls, and have no use for my mind reading skills anymore.”

      🙂 Sounds like you are now ready for a relationship. Seriously, as tempting as it is, and as conditioned as so many of us are, to give our entire lives over to someone else, the truth is that we always end up wondering what happened to our identities.

      I’ve given up trying to figure out my bf’s ‘nuances’, simply because they don’t exist. He’s actually gotten more honest when it comes to communicating: when he leaves to go work in the city, instead of saying “I’ll call you tonight”, because that is what he thinks I want to hear (even though he won’t, like actually call), he says, ” I’ll call you in a few days”. When he leaves here, he needs to shift gears and re-aclimate so he too, can get some work done. It’s nothing personal.

      He left Sunday morning, and called during his lunch break today just to say he got there and everything’s fine. If he calls again fine, if not, well, I am too busy getting things done myself to think about it. I’ll see him on Saturday when I go down there to hear him play a gig.

    • The Plankton says:

      I haven’t given up on men, exactly, but I have given up caring quite so much; being a bit more breezy about the whole thing. Doesn’t mean I don’t care at all, but does mean I am more in control. Not ready to give up completely quite yet! I hesitate to say that it’s now that you have that someone will come along, because we know that is complete gobshite, but I am glad you are lighter on your feet. That is all good. Pxx

  • kathypan says:

    No its not with the intention of “it will happen when you stop caring and least expect it”

    No, i am just facing reality. men my age (43) and even much older, they basically are after younger women in their twenties. I can’t compete with that. I truly believe the Plankton phenomenon is nothing more than biology- men want reproductive females.

    I find that if you kind of emotionally detach yourself from the whole “oh no men are interested in me ” and just realise it is all biological, and has nothing to do with me as a person, then it is easier to ACCEPT.

    • MissBates says:

      Hi Kathypan — just chiming in to say: “YES.” Once you frame the issue as dispassionately as possible, and acknowledge the very long odds, acceptance is easier to achieve. I did so at about your age (I’m currently 50) and it’s enabled me to get on with a relatively pleasant life. I make absolutely no bones about the fact that I would vastly prefer to be in a good relationship over always being alone, but I am no longer looking or expecting anything in that regard. Some people think that’s sad or pessimistic; I just think it’s realistic.

      • kathypan says:

        I totally agree. “Trying” takes so much energy, and when you haven’t had any luck for a fair amount of time, i think you do need to go into aceptance mode. At least then you feel in control. Ofcourse i would rather be with someone, but i cant make that happen.

      • kathypan says:

        did your life improve happiness wise once you accepted it? How was your life “before” acceptance compared to after? and was there anything in particular that finally made you “accept ” it?

      • MissBates says:

        Kathypan: Did my life improve happiness-wise after I came to some measure of acceptance? Yes, in time after what I consider to have been a mourning period. As to what made me accept it, there wasn’t any one thing, although I would certainly say I was helped along the way by my career as a divorce lawyer, and the constant proof that has given me of the fact that many married people are miserable. (Not to mention witnessing some — I hasten to say not all — of the prenuptial agreement clients whose motivations for entering into marriage are questionable.)

    • Scott Benowitz says:

      I’m 40. I would gladly date a woman who is in her 20’s, 30’s, her 40’s, her 50’s, 60’s or in her 70’s if I thought that she is interesting enough….

    • Scott Benowitz says:

      Or would you rather hear that we’re all excited by fake hair colors, long smooth colorful fake fingernails, gigantic silicone implants and extremely small brains?

      (believe it or not, we do usually notice immediately that all of those are fake, except for the small brains, we just don’t say so…)

  • James B says:

    I think, as a man in my late forties, than many men my age DO look for women, maybe a little younger than themselves (3-5 years younger perhaps) but most men do like a female that takes care of herself (I am sure you all do). Some men are clearly narcissistic idiots; this type wants a pretty twenty-something trophy, others want child bearing partners. There are plenty of good men of middle age though, who are looking for similar aged partners to grow older and have fun with. Don’t give up – just look harder and make your intentions clear to all men out there that you like. As I said in a previous post, we men are useless at reading female signals.

  • rosie says:

    I wish I could detach my biological self from my person self. It might be true that most men go for younger women – the ones who can get them anyway – but it still stings. Then again, I’ve known men who look like they’re about to come in their pants at the sight of an attractive woman, no matter the age of the one on their arm.

  • rosie says:

    @Maria, would love to know if you have any opinions of your own.

  • rosie says:

    Oh dear, Maria, I’d say you need some help.

  • Dostoy says:

    I have probably read every entry of this blog and every single comment, over the months, and I really enjoy it. It’s a great blog and I wish Plankton the best of luck in finding a decent man.

    I have often thought about commenting, but haven’t until now. Now I feel compelled to. It is the nastiness in the comments section above. It is nearly always Rosie who says something nasty first, others just respond, quite understandably wanting to defend themselves, and then Rosie hits back with a sarcastic reply. It is a pattern repeated throughout this blog. Rosie is indeed a bully, and for some reason is filled with hate.

    Lydia might not be some people’s cup of tea but she is not nasty, or embittered and as T Lover said, never resorts to personal attacks. Which is refreshing, quite frankly. And makes her comments, in my eyes, more interesting to read than those of the terminally embittered.

    • maria says:

      Thank you, Dostoy. My point exactly.

    • Leftatforty says:

      Yes. And it was rosie the one who drove fi out of this blog.

    • Scott Benowitz says:

      Typically, someone will disagree with something I write, and then a few minutes later, we’ll get a “Thanks… px” directly beneath ….

      It’s fun to write comments here, we need to remember that Ms. Plankton probably does not take a lot of her fan e-mail too, too seriously… In fact, I don’t think that she has actually considered following through with one single piece of advice that anyone has e-suggested to her via her blogpage yet, from the blatantly ridiculous to the seemingly semi- sensible…

      Still I find it interesting to read what others think. I was 39 when I first read one of Ms. Plankton’s articles in The Times online, I looked up her blogpage last year, and then I started writing in… I knew that the big four- zero was less than a year away for me, and I knew that the time would be soon approaching when women would be gravitating away from me in social situations….

  • Scott Benowitz says:

    “In a novel, an inconsequential date, such as the one I had with Long Shot a few months ago, after which I didn’t hear another peep from him and so assumed I was morbidly hideous and properly dull, would have given rise to one of two outcomes. … ”

    See, that’s why they call it “fiction”- It isn’t real, and life is not really like what we read in books- Fiction can do many, many things- It can make us think about many various aspects of life, it can make us think about prehistoric times, the present day, the future, it can be a form of escapist fantasy, and it can facilitate some very serious intellectual pondering … but life is rarely as simple as what we read in books, in fact it actually never is…

    Now that you’re divorced, in theory you could decide to travel the world, eat and pray and the everything else will simply just somehow magically fall into place for you…. if life were as simple as books….

  • rosie says:

    Oh well, at least Maria’s found someone else to arselick.

    • maria says:

      Rosie, drop dead, you miserable c*w. Just so you know, you won’t get me out of this blog like you did Fi and have been trying to with Lydia.
      Get a life you sick, embittered b*tch.

      • fi says:

        For the love of God, will one of you blokes that read this blog PLEASE step up to the plate and have sex with this woman to relieve her obvious frustration. She may seem scary but given a good seeing to she’d probably become quite docile 😀

      • Scott Benowitz says:

        I offered to send her my cell phone # last year….

        She seemed notably uninterested in me….

    • Hah !!! Cyber- bulllying… get it?

    • Oh, you guys can say whatever you want in response to my posts here- It will take more than some snide comments on an anonymous blogsite about sexual frustrations to hurt me….

      • EmGee says:

        This is a blogsite about sexual frustrations? 😯

        Maybe in some of the replies I am reading….

  • rosie says:

    Maria, there’s a word for people who have no idea how to debate and have to resort to calling other people names: dimwit. At least some of those on here who you obviously hold in high esteem are able to voice an opinion, even they can’t stop themselves from making personal attacks either.

    Why do you think Lydia never defends her ridiculous comments? Could it be that *whisper it* she’s not real?

    Or would you come to someone’s defense at any cost, no matter how odious their views, just so you could stick you nasty little oar in because someone else – boo hoo – has disagreed with you?

    But, hey, looks like your idol is back to take the floor so you don’t have to. Which brings to mind another word: gutless.

  • rosie says:

    Oh, and I still think you should get help. Your inferiority complex is palpable from here.

  • rosie says:

    Actually, fi, I didn’t mention it but I had a seeing to the other night. That good enough for ‘ya?

  • rosie says:

    And it wasn’t with an overweight, alcoholic midget or a geriatric sex tourist either.

    • fi says:

      Thats who I get offers from that’s true. You must be way more attractive than me.

      • maria says:

        FI, so great hearing from you again. Welcome back. I’ve really missed you 🙂

      • fi says:

        Thanks very much for that. Nice to be back. I was a bit battered and bruised last time as even though it’s anonymous it’s still not nice, but I’ve recently started reading again and following folk.

      • Margaux says:

        Fi! welcome back!! 🙂 Good to read you again …you’ve been missed….

      • fi says:

        Thanks Margaux.

      • RS says:

        Aha. Glad to see that some of us, who haven’t been commenting because of one particular person, are emerging to defend each another. Hurrah!

        I stopped commenting due to rosie’s bullying of a couple of contributors here – notably Fi, but a few others as well.

        As I’ve said in the past, the differing opinions here are wonderful to read – discussion is stimulating and thoughtful and civilized, for the most part, which is a tribute to Plankton. But once you dare to agree with an opinion that differs from rosie’s, look out. No one else gets so nasty, unprovoked.

        Just because you find someone frustrating and contrary is no reason to belittle their thoughts. Lydia’s comments make me chuckle, sometimes, and often make me nod my head in agreement. And shake my head in dismay sometimes too. But whether I agree or not I admire her for never resorting to name calling.

    • Marellus says:

      And it wasn’t with an overweight, alcoholic midget or a geriatric sex tourist either.

      … it was with a gynaecologist wasn’t it ? How much did you pay him ?

  • rosie says:

    Which reminds me of this: Their “comments” were characterised by a suspicion of nuance, a tin ear for irony… and a graceless irascibility of the kind we are now expected to find endearing in Prince Philip. There was also an assumption of intellectual superiority, rather cruelly undermined by a vulnerability to cliché and an inability to spell.”

    Not that I am comparing myself in any way, shape or form to Robert Webb, but the full article is available to read (you might want to get a dictionary out, fi) here:

    ta ta. x

  • rosie says:

    P, just to say, I love your writing and have really enjoyed commenting on the blog but sometimes life is just too short! x

    • maria says:

      Rosie, bye, don’t come back!

    • T Lover says:


      I admire “Lydia”. You too. You are both armour plated. That is if Lydia is real – going back months there was a definite style change. Lydia, if you are real, please don’t call here with a rolling pin.

      I went to London on Wednesday for a couple of days and have missed all this nastiness until just now.

      Truth. I left the comment on Wednesday. Went up to the loo and, as men do, was multi-tasking when I noticed a swallow zooming (almost) up to the window. Outside that is, not in the bathroom.

      Turns out there were four swallow babies on the telephone wire a foot from the frame and the parents were performing high speed acrobatics with food.

      I took a load of pictures but only managed one with a blur for the mother.

      To do with Rosie? Three of the four were huddled together. Now and then one or the other would take time to preen a sibling. Honest injun, I thought of you. How much nicer than feisty aggro.

      Did I hear right? You got a “seeing to”? Wherever that came from, if you have a spare send it round here. Fingernails down to the quick and disappearing.

      In June/July last year I pulled a girl via “Encounters”. She could talk for Britain but was a character and, well, I sent chocolates and, well, nothing. She insisted we met but that both travelled by train. No cars, train. After two or three false starts we settled on Newbury. I could go on to see friends, not too inconvenient. 5.30 the night before she blobbed.

      Then she would travel my way. Then this, then that, then after five months of negotiations I told her to stick it. Not very nicely: told her to shove it.

      She phoned on Sunday. Out of the blue. This girl is 47. Wanted to tell me what she had been up to. Met an old Harrovian racehorse owner who (second meet) had taken her to a West End show and put her up in a hotel. Then a 73 year old American publisher. I repeat 73. They had been for a walk over the moors.

      She had told me – I say this with a very straight face – her Mother had said not to get into a car with a strange man. I could have a coffee on some faraway platform but that was that. Mother must also have told her the rule did not apply if you were educated at Harrow and had racehorses or if you had a publishing business.

      Are women real? Any wonder we blokes choose to stay single? And the living proof that money pulls them.

  • Scott Benowitz says:

    Wow, Ms. Plankton- Your blogsite appears to have inspired a virtual spat, or an e-argument here….

    People, we need set aside our differences and concentrate on the matter at hand here- We’re trying to assist Ms. Plankton in entering into her next healthy sexual relationship, she’s not been involved in one since 2008 or 2009….

  • Scott Benowitz says:

    Believe it or not, I had to look up “seeing to…”

    It’s just another one of those British phrases that has not yet found its way into usage in the American version of our language….

    • fi says:

      Yes…well…all that pent up anger and hatred needs an outlet and you’d be doing everyone a favour. Go on…take one for the team 🙂

      • Scott Benowitz says:

        Or giving one, I suppose…

        Look up any American or Canadian blogger’s webpages about any topic in the entire world, and you’ll find a handful of words and phrases that people from the U.K. and Ireland will have absolutely no idea what they mean…

      • fi says:

        Sorry. Shouldn’t have said that

    • kathypan says:

      I am Australian and ‘seeing to” is used here

  • Scott Benowitz says:

    Ah well, hardly matters any more I suppose- The entire world is going to end in 5 months… Don’t laugh, in the country that I live in, a lot of people really seem to believe this….

  • kathypan says:

    why do people bother arguing? its such a waste of time

  • rosie says:

    Before I go (don’t worry, I won’t do a fi) just a reminder of some of the very same’s ‘stimulating, thoughtful and civilized’ musings’. It didn’t take long there are enough to choose from:

    February 12, 2012 at 9:43 pm
    this isn’t a forum for expressing alternative views, there’s in fact only one that’s allowed here, and life’s too short for me to try to justify why other people including me should have a voice. So I’m fucking off.

    February 19, 2012 at 12:22 pm
    Its the endless repetition of the same few themes that bores me. With everyone endlessly repeating their viewpoints over and over again, day after day, week after week, month after month.

    February 19, 2012 at 9:32 am
    I’ve been coming on every so often to see what’s happening but its all a bit……same old same old. Moaning about not having a boyfriend…..lydia’s count your blessings…….june’s refrain about older men…..there’s not really anything new – no innovative thinking, alternate viewpoints,. Its a bit like spending your coffee break at work with the same old faces saying the same old thing.

    February 19, 2012 at 10:02 am
    Or rather I know the point of this blog is “being a middle aged woman surrounded by more attractive younger women” but god, its so boring talking about nothing else other than how to get a boyfriend. How hard it is to get one. How hard it is to meet men. When’s the best time to get one. How other women get one. Where should you go to get one. What age should your one be. What to do if you can’t get one the right age/where you live/as attractive as you want him to be. Its just boring. and a bit depressing that there is literally nothing else that is talked about here.

    February 21, 2012 at 5:35 pm
    @jo. Totally agree with everything you say. I’m referring to the same person you are and I totally agree with what you say when they are talking about themselves, but what I am beginning to be amused by is how quickly they revel in not only their own misery but any that anyone else has. So if P talks about being down, they’re straight in there making a mountain of misery, revelling in it, loving it, almost orgasming in fact. Saying things like Poor us…haven’t we got awful lives…..what hope is there for us……nobody wants us…….sadly we have nothing ever in the whole world to look forward to…its all over…. I’m beginning to find it entertaining to come here and see the pleasure that someone else’s misery is inducing. The rest of the time I just ignore the postings because its the same old stuff.

    March 26, 2012 at 10:17 pm
    God. I’m leaving here. Its so bloody boring! With the exception of some interesting commentators, every bloody day its just the same. Oh I wish I had a boyfriend. Why can’t I get a boyfriend, why doesn’t anyone want me. Its everyone else’s fault except mine and my unreasonable expectations, even though my criteria are so narrow and I won’t compromise. Why oh why can’t I get a boyfriend. And rosie and missm, frustrated bitter spinsters who nObody wants and who can be surprised by that!!!!! Checking out as I’m bored by myself, saying the same things over and over again to women whose only response to the idea of changing themselves to change the outcome, is more whingeing.

    And now she’s back to ‘bore’ herself all over again. Who needs comedy when you’ve got our fi?!

    And just to remind her acolytes what a thoroughly lovely person she is fi’s parting shot (one of them) to a commenter who’s never said a bad word to anyone, although looks like she’s disappeared too and who can blame her:

    March 26, 2012 at 10:29 pm
    June. You’re on your own because of your sense of entitlement, inability to compromise and your negative attitude which my bet is it pervades your entire life and will make men run away from you.

    Shame on you if you blindly hang on this woman’s every word.

    • fi says:

      Rosie. I don’t know what to make of you. I don’t get why you have always disliked me so much. I don’t understand why you spend time you could be doing other things going through previous posts loooking for my comments, cutting and pasting them below. I don’t understand why a simple winky face the other night was all that was required to start you saying to Marie that her ‘idol was back’. And you remember details about me that is unusual eg exactly who the men were (artistic licence allowed) that proposition me. It’s months since I was here but it’s as if I spoke to you yesterday. I’d think it understandable if I’d been having a long running affair with your husband but really, I’m commenting on a blog. Why do you care so much? You’ve always seemed to attach too much significance to me. It’s really not right. Overlook everything about what’s actually said here and ask whether your level of interest in me is normal or actually a bit obsessive, then think about possible next steps.

    • maria says:

      Rosie, you’re a sad, sad person and you should consider seeing a psychiatrist asap. It’s not normal to hate someone as deeply as you do, someone you’ve never met, just because of her comments on some blog. Haven’t you got anything better to occupy your mind with?

      Ms P, I apologise for the awful language I used in some comments above, but I can’t stand trolls and I was attacked first.

      (once again I apologise for my poor use of the English language, as I’m not a native speaker)

  • rosie says:

    Nice try, fi. Goodbye.

  • James B says:

    Ms P – it may be a good idea to post a new blog – anything will do really, even your shopping list, in order to calm things down on the site. Deep breaths everyone!

    • T Lover says:

      Hush your mouth JamesB.

      Handbags is just the hors d’oeuvre.

      I’m looking forward to the main course – mud wrestling – when they’ve been on the bottle tonight.

      • fi says:

        You wish. 😀

      • T Lover says:

        Nailed on.

        First some tosh on the telly whilst balancing a glass on the arm of the chair.

        Then a quick squint at the computer – who has insulted who. Another glass then the rest of the bottle.

        Then a howling and a yowling – a horrid eerie noise. It’s either Rosie having another seeing to or blog cats fighting.

        Tomorrow morning (if this JamesB doesn’t throw another bucket of water into the darkness) there will be bits of fur missing and several split ears. You watch.


      • fi says:

        Ah yes. Because that’s what we women do when we disagree with each other. Handbagging. Cats fighting. Oh if only we could have the rational mind of a man that would allow us to argue calmly, debating the pros and cons of a viewpoint, according different weights to differing factors, considering the central issues from all perspectives. That’s hysterical women for you though.

      • Mr T Lover says:


        Trump card.

        Every time there is a spat it is between the women. True?

        Or occasionally women turning on a poor innocent man – like moi. True?

        Never between the blokes. True?

      • fi says:

        It’s amazing we’re allowed out. Especially with all those hormones.

      • T Lover says:

        You’re allowed out with ‘ormones? Amazing.

      • maria says:

        “Then a howling and a yowling – a horrid eerie noise. It’s either Rosie having another seeing to or blog cats fighting. ” – Lol 😀

    • The Plankton says:

      Fair point. I have been very remiss of late, for which apologies to all. Have just posted one this morning. Px

    • bambi says:

      Hi Kathypan. (Some) Australians and Irish have more language in common than I ever realised, till recently. ‘A Seeing to’ is a term commonly used in Ireland, though it is normally slightly pejorative….. Not sure if the same is the case in Oz…?

  • I would like to take this opportunity here to dispel a seemingly popular myth-

    Some of you female readers of Ms. Plankton’s blogpage here seem lonesome sometimes- Ms. Plankton has my email address. If any of you are interested, just write to her through this site, you can tell her to write to me and I can have her send you my email address or my cell phone #. Scott Benowitz is not a pen name, I am actually writing in here using my real name. I am very capable of traveling over to England whenever I (or you) want me to….

    Hold one, wait, calm down, there’s plenty of space here for all of you, no need to rush…..

    Okay, that’s what I thought….

    My point here- For those who keep writing telling me that women have an expiration date stamped on the underside of your feet, and men don’t….. Uhm, yeah… that would be nice if it were true, but …… …

  • june says:

    Dear me, Fi your return to this site seems to have caused mayhem, yes i know you said some not terribly nice stuff about me, but my back is broad, it didnt really bother me, some of it was probably true, i know in too choosey, i always have been,thats why i ve ended up on my own,that ill admit. Also over the past few months ive sort of come to terms with being alone, not always liking it but knowing why i am.

    Ive come to the conclusion that many women including friends of mine have settled for men who basically they have nothing at all in common with,cause they are terrified of being on their own or they cant afford to pay their mortgages by themselves, and wont contemplate living in a smaller house or apartment like mine. One friend has papered over so many cracks,i dont think she knows whats real anymore,she will do anything to keep her partner.Shes now planning to have a dog, even though she likes cats best, has one, works fulltime,and is extremely houseproud cause her partner and stepkids want one. Shes the who will end up with full responsibilty for it i know. Another one told me the other week when i was saying how lonely being on your own can be, that she often wishes she was, as her partner drives her crazy, and i should think myself lucky, but she cant afford mortgage on her own,i could give you many more examples, Maybe its made me think could i put up with all this crap, just so i wasnt alone, Do i want to have sex if i dont feel like it, as friends have told me they do, one when in agnony with a bad back , or put up with mens irritating habits, im not sure if i do anymore,maybe what ive seen and heard has made me think , is the grass greener. I really dont think i could live with anyone, full time, i am wondering now if when i was feeling so down i was still mourning my dad to whom i was very close.its just over 2 years since he died, maybe thats what it was, It is the summmer,maybe come october i wont feel quite the same,but i doubt if i could ever live with anyone all the time,

    I am still on POF had the odd contact just had one this weekend, and was chatted up today when out for a walk, offerred me his phone no, on his bike in his cyclist gear, but i looked and thought, no thanks.Only thing i really find a problem is when older lack of a partner does rather give you a restricted social life,even in a city,and i do rather like socializing.

    Maybe P you are becoming a bit the same, maybe we all are,maybe when the winter chills and dark nights come around we might all be back to bemoaning our fate, but living with the wrong person can surely be the loneliest thing in world, so maybe we should think on.

    • Emgee says:

      June, maybe it’s because of this blog, and realizing that we are not alone in our aloneness, and that makes it more palatable. It’s true that one is always goiing to exchange one set of problems for another, when making a lifestyle change.

    • kathy says:

      it seems to me that men over 40 if they are single, are mainly divorced or dmagaed in some way. This is just based on men i have interacted with or met from online dating sites. I think for me i am just planning to get used to the fact that i will probably not meet anyone. And the harsh fact is, the men that are available want women in their 20s. they dont want a 43 yr old with an opinion, and who knows who she is

      • Can’t count anymore the number of times that I’ve written into Ms. Plankton’s site here, saying that I’ll gladly date a woman who is in her 20’s, her 30’s, her 40’s, 50’s, 60’s or her 70’s if she is interesting enough….

        And how are you defining “dmagaed”?

      • T Lover says:

        Look Pal, I offered to meet Fi at the Marriage House on the Scottish Border.

        I even sent a pic of yours truly, OK I looked a prat, but I never heard a peep.

        What chance a young lad like you? None.

      • fi says:

        T Lover – sorry. I didn’t realise the offer and pic were for me. I thought they were for P. I thought it was very nice of you to ask me how I was though, and I fully intended to reply, but to be honest I was feeling crap when I left here and couldn’t face it immeadiatly. Then of course as time went on I thought I’d rather forget the entire website. Then when I could think of the website without hyperventilating, it seemed as too much time had passed to respond. But I really appreciated your thoughtfulness and laydeez- he’s a very nice man, and attractive too.

      • fi says:

        And I think there must be something wrong with me as I’m quite content as a plankton. I’ve said this before but my kids have grown up and left home and I’m honestly quite happy – I’ve started going to a folk club where I’ve met new friends, and that led on to learning the guitar and going to music sessions, and I’m going to go travelling with one of my new friends. I’ve also been doing stuff through I’d rather actually meet a bloke through doing things, if I were to meet any, but I’m just quite happy pottering about.

      • T Lover says:

        Is that what happened? I thought the Head Girl might not have passed it on.

        I thought you were down and wanted to make you smile. The Marriage House in the background. Looked a prat – was in fishing scruffs and looking very smug – just come off the river – so thank you for the complement. Tried Specsavers?

        I feel the same. My new relationship has not gone anywhere, I opened “Encounters” again then thought bugger it and closed the account.

        Niceties out of the way and back to business. A folk club? Learning to sing through your nose with a finger in your ear? How dreadful. It’ll be knitting cow-muck next followed by Rapper dancing with a sword….

      • fi says:

        Remember I’m in scotland so it’s more drum banging and pipe blowing. And making music IS fun (as Lydia once said). Especially if you’re doing it with a pile of other people in a pub after a couple of glasses of wine.

      • Emgee says:

        Fi, I think think that’s great!

        I used to mention that here ad naseum; find an interest, and go out and share it with like minded people. You may not find mr Right, but you’ll make new friends, feel more fulfilled, and not feel so lonely. If your only interest is sitting in front of the tv, or pouring beer down your throat at the local bar/pub, then you are sfar.

      • fi says:

        Totally agree. And..I know not everyone agrees with me on this…but there are loads of single men and women. With so many marriages breaking down, especially when kids are older, there are simply loads of folk. Admittedly they aren’t all attractive (to me anyway) but they’re nice folk. I think becoming older, for most folk, makes them nicer – more tolerant and kinder as we’ve all been knocked about a bit in life. I don’t go man hunting in a pub – I get out and about and say yes to invitations that come my way and enjoy myself and hey presto, there they are. I really don’t know why other people don’t do it too but would be interested in finding out. 🙂

      • EmGee says:

        Fi: “I really don’t know why other people don’t do it too but would be interested in finding out.”

        It can certainly be an intimidating prospect, initially, I always had to drag someone else along when I went somewhere, so I didn’t feel like the odd one out. When I got to know more people, the problem was solved. I can now go to an art opening, music event, even the local saloon for a drink or a meal, and there will be someone there I know. Although with the last, I am usually with a friend, or am meeting a friend there.

      • T Lover says:


    • fi says:

      June. It takes a long time to get over the death of someone close, and 2 years is nothing in the scheme of things. Join Just do it. There will be one in your area and you will meet other people to do new things with. In my group we’ve been to see plays, and bands, and films, and gone for walks, and comedy nights, and the Big Noise concert, and (my idea so its brilliant) we’re doing a course on learning how to do dances from 1980s pop videos! It allows you to meet new people and do new things and get fresh perspectives instead of always hanging round with the same folk doing the same thing and having the same conversations. Life will become much more fun and you may find you don’t need a man to fill the gap.

      • Joules says:

        I have been away on holiday and conferences but am looking at going along to a meetup – turns out there are a bunch in my area. A very good suggestion.

      • fi says:

        Brilliant. Report back!!

  • kathy says:


  • kathy says:

    I also think these women who cant afford to pay their mortgages by themselves, if you dug a little deeper would find that actually its the guy who owns the mortgage, and they really just want to be kept

  • T Lover says:

    Spare a thought for Rosie – it’s sad.

  • paolo says:

    Can’t we all just get along? Well, I hope not! So much more interesting if we don’t.

    Personally, I love the Comments section. The familiar cast of characters: Lydia (honest and manly and amoral), Fi (occasionally wise), T Lover (must be smart because I have no idea what he/she is saying), Miss Bates (now there’s a smart cookie), Scott Benowitz (eager and somewhat dim), and, of course, Rosie (I’d say something but I’m afraid she’d beat me up).

    Keep it coming. Please.

    • Scott Benowitz says:

      Cut me some slack here, I’m an American- There’s been something in our drinking water for many decades now….

    • fi says:

      Well as long as all the trauma, tantrums and tears entertains you Paolo, our work is done. 🙂 It is the bizarrest place though. Anonymous yet intimate, bringing together people from all round the world. We don’t know each other at all, but in another way, we do. Conversations with a sort of time delay. It is odd, but strangely addictive.

      • T Lover says:

        It’s alright for you two – be as magnanimous as you like – he thinks I might be a woman.

      • fi says:

        Well…I saw your photo and I have to admit I wasn’t too sure 🙂
        Face of a man, but you did have breasts 🙂

      • fi says:

        Only kidding!

      • T Lover says:

        Face of a man but with a bosom? Eye on a stalk on the top of the head? Must have sent the wrong picture – that’s Mrs T Lover.

        Nite nite. Had enough of being insulted.

    • bambi says:

      Paolo, you made me smile – you have got it in one. But all of the above (people) can be all of the above (characters) without resorting to violence! I sort of missed out on a lot of that, thankfully, and just enjoy the funny, clever and even the sad bits (sometimes). And agree with Fi below – this is the only blog I read with any regularity and sometimes I find our ‘connection’ a bit surreal. We all probably have mental pictures of the different characters – and I bet not one of them looks or is as we might imagine them.

      I’m just looking forward to meeting TLover (and Fi?) at the foodhall in John Lewis – after the Missus has left with Scott firmly in her grasp…am getting a visual…and maybe a bit confused 🙂

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