Young Twinkle

October 16, 2012 § 162 Comments

From yesterday’s Times:-

To my astonishment, a new and wonderful twinkle has emerged.

A rather inappropriate one in some folk’s eyes, possibly, but not because he is married.  He’s not.  It is simply that he is younger than me.  By quite a lot, but not so much as to be morally wrong.  The gap is just not enormously common (this way round, at least; plenty of men my age with women of his), so qualifies as enough to raise a few eyebrows were things to go anywhere further than they now stand, which I would describe as regular flirtation.  Even promising flirtation.  That would be if I could ever acknowledge anything as promising ever again.  Almost impossible these days because I have been mistaken so many times over the past few years that I presume my idea of promising is anyone else’s idea of dead in the water.

Anyway, there he was, right under my nose, needing to come round about once a week for an in-house cause.  I thought him extremely charming at first but, delightfully tactile though he was, I didn’t really clock any frisson between us because he is so young and sex was far from the context.  Then one day recently, he detected I had been crying.  He stood up and simply said, “Come here”, and gave me a huge and lingering hug.  So, naturally, I cried more, because it was a pathetically thrilling moment and the stomach did that thing of feeling as though a wave had passed through it of liquid mercury; that uncommon but very forceful lurch we all know and crave, which makes you feel that life is worth living.

Since then, I have been getting drunk with him, heady as a student on talk of literature and life and music, and accompanied by cigarettes.  He glances at my cleavage (which gets more unbuttoned by the day) and mentions sex in a provocative way, but of course I cannot be sure how provocative because I wonder how such a heavenly younger man as he could possibly be interested in me, even if when I look in the long mirror I believe that my body, far from having deteriorated, is in fact better than it was when I was seventeen.

I am not expecting the earth, but just some fun; and a nice time, goddammit, however fleeting it would necessarily be.  Only how to know what the hell is going through his mind?  How to interpret signals which may not be signals at all?  How to move this thing on without making a total arse of myself, and before the souffle of my body and hope collapses entirely?

 

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§ 162 Responses to Young Twinkle

  • Sarah says:

    There you go, just when you were least expecting it… 🙂 I’m sure there are a couple of other clichés that apply here too.

    • The Plankton says:

      Thanks but too hasty! Anything very unlikely to happen. 1 in a million chance, I reckon, alas. Pxx

      • AnnieG says:

        @ Maria – I’m just a really bad picker. I’d much rather have made the right choice the first time around. Still, there is some compensation in the variation – they have all been improvements of the previous version. But betrayal has been the theme. The last husaband, of 17 year relationship, abruptly left for an Israeli girl 38 years his junior who blithely said to me, ‘Don’t worry I’m sure you’ll find someone else soon.’ They are now married and living the dream in Spain. Apparently they are still happy, but she’s not even 30 yet and he’s on the wrong side of 66. Ah well.

    • AnnieG says:

      I wish I could also, like some in here, be genuine about being happy about being single (I originally keyed in ‘being on my own’ but changed it to ‘being single’ – a subtle semantic difference but I believe in nominal determinism (you become what you think).
      The truth is, I really dislike being single even though I can see the advantages and certainly wouldn’t want to be with just anyone.

      But I have been married for most of my adult life (not to the same man, but to four consecutively with a one or two year gap between them). Now I am 63 and its been 3 years since my divorce, and I find it really hard to keep up the pretence of either a) satisfaction with this life or b) optimism that I will meet someone.

      I’m not going to focus on the things I dislike, or bleat about the situation: it is what it is. But the fact is that we are just animals, programmed to be in intimate pairs. Its part of our design, IMHO.

      I’m now thinking that I should aim for an older man and hope I find a youthful one. I may even accept short ! haha thats a joke.

      • maria says:

        AnnieG, you’ve been married to four men??!! Wow!! Good for you!

      • Elle says:

        AnnieG, you had four marriages, I haven’t even had one. At least you have happy memories (surely there were some) to call upon when being single gets unbearable. I don’t have that.

      • Margaux says:

        For me, it’s whether you think that being a ‘pair’ or whether you think being single is the default position. I have always thought that being single is the norm and if you find someone to pair up with -then that’s the ‘add on’ extra. Not a necessary requirement unless you want to have children. But then we are all programmed differently by our upbringing, formative influences and experiences I guess…

  • Annie Gurton says:

    Hope you continue with the blog …..

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you but are you suggesting I’m about to run off into the sunset and put my plankton years (and blog) behind me? Would that, but I fear the chance is about one in a billion. pxx

  • Alison says:

    Good luck P, hope it all goes well, and if he gets the ticker thudding a bit harder its all good. You have a lot going for you, articulate, fun to be with and a great plus point is that you clearly have a slim figure too, some of us not only have the age factor but also a shape tending towards circular rather than svelte and that does go against us, in my experience. So enjoy yourself and take it as it comes.

  • rosie says:

    Wowsers! And I love the sound of an ‘in-house cause’. x

    • The Plankton says:

      I know. Forgive me for being obscure, but I am completely paranoid about being rumbled. As I read the column yesterday morning, I thought, OMG, if he reads this, IT IS SO EFFING OBVIOUS, however obscure I thought I was being when I wrote it. And I felt a bit shaky. pxx

  • Rpger says:

    I say good on you – run with it and don’t give a damn what anyone else has to say – its your life

  • Elle says:

    YT sounds lovely. I say go for it if he wants to take it further. Even if it’s only a short fling it would do you good.

    Younger men and older women can be a good thing if the age gap is respectable (say a 40 something with a 30 something) and the woman doesn’t expect it to last as the young man might want children some day.

    The young don’t have the baggage and bitterness that some of us do and sometimes younger men don’t judge us plankton as harshly as men our own age do.

    He sounds such a treat – you’re talking about literature and music like students! Have fun 🙂

    • zoe says:

      My, Elle. “Respectable” age gap? Please spare us your judgmental, conventional values. I’ve just finished an 18 month relationship with someone twenty years younger (still the doctor for anyone who remembers). If I had stopped to worry about the social strictures of others, I would have missed out on something very special – something that has given me, with all its ups and downs, much joy; something neither he nor I will ever forget; and a friend I know I will always be able to count on. Don’t let the moral judgements of others squeeze out the joy in your life.

      • fi says:

        Maybe the people who have the least fun are those that are most bound by convention? By being prepared to take steps outside that and look at things with an open mind we expose ourselves to opportunities and fulfilling experiences we wouldn’t otherwise ever have.

      • Elle says:

        I’m not moralising, I’m being realistic. If you had a great 18 month relationship with somebody 20 years younger then good for you. The gap might be a bit much for me – college boys are cute but I don’t want to sleep with them.

        I’m glad that you had this opportunity because most ageing women find that their opportunities on the dating scene decrease over time, dramatically so after 40. I think that Plankton has written about t hat several times.

        Maybe it doesn’t have to be that way – after all men happily date women 20 years their junior and aren’t judged for it. The difference is that these unions have the potential for producing children whereas a woman of a certain age with a younger man may not have that option. Case in point – Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. I really feel for Demi right now even though she seemed to have it all with Ashton when they first met.

      • zoe says:

        If you’re not moralising, Elle, don’t use moralising language. Use the language of utility or functionality or practicality. How else is one likely to understand the term “respectable”? Especially from someone not unknown to lace their posts with censorious and uptight judgments. As for Demi Moore and Kucher, it seems to me by Hollywood standards they’ve had a good run for their money. Given that none of us really knows what went on in that relationship, using it as an example in this context constitutes nothing more than holding up a mirror to your own issues and prejudices.

      • maria says:

        Well said.

      • maria says:

        Sorry Elle, I didn’t mean to be judgmental. You have your own point of view and that’s fine, but sometimes it just feels that you think men are allowed to do anything, from poligamy to bedding much younger women, and it’s always ok, because they’re men.
        Women, on the other hand, are supposed to be prude, modest and control themselves tightly by fear of what others might say or think.
        Oh, and if they are plankton, they’re supposed to accept any sod that wants to fuck them and be grateful forever.
        You should value yourself more.

      • fi says:

        Maria. You are funny. I remember you when you were timid about expressing yourself 🙂 Are you sure English isn’t your first language?

      • maria says:

        Fi, you’re pulling my leg, right?

      • fi says:

        No. I just remember when you started here you were polite, diffident and apologetic but now you just say it as it is and I think that’s great. And funny as you’re so blunt.
        Honestly your English is amazing – you understand colloquialisms and subtleties, I would have no idea that it wasn’t your first language if you didn’t tell us.

      • fi says:

        Although it’s “prudish” or “a prude” 🙂

      • maria says:

        Thanks Fi! And I’m rather blunt, some would say I’m just rude.

      • fi says:

        Well they may 🙂 but I always prefer people that say what they mean in as few words as possible. None of this saying one thing but meaning another passive aggressive stuff where you have to work out what people actually mean. Call a spade a spade is what I say.

      • maria says:

        And Fi, feel free to correct me whenever I make a spelling or grammar error. I truly appreciate it.

      • Elle says:

        “Oh, and if they are plankton, they’re supposed to accept any sod that wants to fuck them and be grateful forever.”

        That’s about the size of it if we don’t want to be celibate forever or alone forever. I don’t delude myself about how things are and if that makes others in my position uncomfortable then so be it.

        “You should value yourself more.”

        I value myself in terms of context. I have a higher value in the jobs market now than I did when I was 20, but a lower value in the dating market. Sorry if the word “respectable” pushed a few buttons, perhaps “realistic” might have been a better choice.

        If other women of my age can attract good younger men and want to date them then good luck to them. However this is the exception rather than the rule. Perhaps it’s a matter of luck or where you live. Where I live there there are several single women over 40. They vary in attractiveness but the one who is slim, athletic and passes for 10 years younger doesn’t have any more luck than the ones who look nearer their age. This is because there are very few single men around, especially single men over 30. The ones who are divorced and over 40 tend to date much younger women and often start new families with new much younger wives. This is reality. Nothing to do with being moralistic, judgemental or anything else. If Claudia Schiffer, Cindy Crawford or any other ageing supermodel were to move to my area she wouldn’t get a second glance.

        I’d rather be realistic about how life is than hide my frustrations behind a deluded exterior. The frustration has to come out somewhere and if you don’t tell it like it is you could very well end up unwittingly taking your frustrations out on others. Not good – planktons need to be supportive of each other and not cut each other down. I’m sure you remember this blog when Plankton-in-Chief started it. It was much warmer and more supportive then.

      • fi says:

        The thing is Elle, your experience is yours only and isn’t representative of everyone, even if it is representative of everyone in your social circle. It’s not mine for example. The way I look on it – and I might be hopelessly deluded here – is that there are plenty of single men my age about. Admittedly not that attractive but probably could be better if they had a woman to nag them into shape and take more care of themselves. But they are nice, having been battered by life and they are looking for a woman their age. Some (like those who post here and my brother) are looking for younger women, but the ones I know aren’t. And in my brother’s case he wasn’t specifically looking for someone younger, he just found women his age looked and behaved much older than him and the particular woman he was attracted to was younger. I think (and again risking going out on a limb as well as being deluded) there’s no such thing as being rejected by men because you’re too old (excluding specific men and large age gaps), although there are numerous other reasons for rejection. And I would go so far as to say that even those men who say they only want a younger woman would I bet change their mind if the right woman appeared even if she was outwith the designated age bracket. Maybe I’m totally wrong, but that’s what my experience tells me.

      • AnnieG says:

        Fi says ‘here’s no such thing as being rejected by men because you’re too old (excluding specific men and large age gaps), although there are numerous other reasons for rejection.’

        Well, if that’s your experience and belief, fine, but my experience is that men frequently reject women based on age alone. I used to give my real age on dating sites but have knocked 5 years off and suddenly the interest has gone right up. I have also taken to taking 5 years off in conversations with new male friends because of the immediate judgement and rejection. I always swore I wouldn’t but experience shows me that, for men, numbers mean a lot.

        Mind you, for me its the same with height: I reject men below 5’10. So, what does that make me ? Yes, I can see the irony.

      • fi says:

        Yeah I should have qualified that by saying men you meet. I do see that on internet dating sites age would be a filter.

      • fi says:

        Sorry Annie but this struck me after I’d posted : ” I have also taken to taking 5 years off in conversations with new male friends because of the immediate judgement and rejection.”
        How does age crop up in conversation?

      • maria says:

        “The frustration has to come out somewhere and if you don’t tell it like it is you could very well end up unwittingly taking your frustrations out on others.” I see Elle, now I’m frustrated because I don’t think I’m worthless because I’m old and I don’t have a man.
        I tell you what, I’m 50, ugly as hell and I could easily have a man if I wanted to, there are at least half a dozen single men where I live, giving me the eye. Why am I alone, then? Because I want to, I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. I was never willing, when I was younger, to be someone’s domestic slave, and I’m sure not going to do it now and, to be honest, I have never thought much about men in general.
        I swore myself, when I was very young, that I would never be like my mother, her friends and women in general, waiting hand and foot on their husbands, cooking, cleaning, raising the kids all alone, while at the same time, their loving husbands cheated on them everytime they got, criticised their looks and all, in all, didn’t care about them or appreciate all the effort they put into their family.
        I’ve always made sure I wouldn’t depend on any man for my support, either. I wouldn’t have minded getting in a relationship if I had found a man that treated me with respect and didn’t expect me to be his mother. I’ve never found such a man, so I decided to be alone forever, and now, I’m just too old to change my ways.
        Truth is, I’m alone because I want to. That doesn’t mean I’m dead, and I like to be appreciated, but that’s all, I will never share my house with anyone.
        I’m sorry if there aren’t any men where you live, you should consider moving somewhere else. You know what? Come to Portugal, I can assure you you’ll find a man, easily.
        And you know what doesn’t help our cause? The constant whining about the lack of men, and how worthless women over 40 are, and at the same time, praising old men and thinking it’s ok for them to treat us like shit.

      • Elle says:

        AnnieG, I agree with you that men judge women on their age. Apart from the odd MILF seeker, men of all ages narrow their searches to women UNDER 40 on dating websites. So forget internet dating if you want to be honest about your age.

        Men do eventually bring a woman’s age up in conversation. They’ll try all sorts of sneaky ways to find out your age. Some are so crafty they’ll find out your age without asking you directly. Even if they don’t want children the chronological age of the woman they are dating is of huge importance to them.

        Men’s egos are fragile. The older they get the more fragile their egos they get. That’s why a younger woman is such a huge ego boost to an older man. They also love it if their friends think the woman they are seeing is “hot”!

        I live in Ireland where people are still quite reserved in their thinking even though their behaviour might indicate otherwise. I have recently moved to the countryside and am shocked at how backward the thinking is just 45 minutes from a major city. Women are seen as breeding machines here. Men here are even more dismissive of women over 40 than men in the city.

      • Jill says:

        Elle, I’m sorry that you have experienced such rife ageism in the context of internet dating.. I have not found that to be so at all, but am quite willing to believe that there are just as many shallow men out there as women…! I have just rejoined the same dating site which I have been on before, after taking a bit of a sabbatical, and it’s going well, I am happy to report, even though I haven’t put a photo up on public view this time. However, the filters which an internet profile automatically puts in place should surely eliminate most ageism, by virtue of the fact that one is allocated to matches who are seeking one’s own age group and vice versa. I am always flattered and amused if I get an approach from a much younger man (being not as brave/youthful as P!) and tell them I am too ancient for them, thank you very much, and have a 34 year old son to boot. That usually does the trick!

      • Fi says:

        Honestly, in real life, men never ask me how old I am and it just doesn’t come up in conversation. Films, music, hobbies, books – yes. Age, children, job – no. On the one occasion i was asked i responded by asking how old he thought i was, and the response I got was “about the same age as me”.

      • RS says:

        Elle, that is not my experience AT ALL with internet dating, that all the men (with a few exceptions that you seem to think are weirdoes with a fetish) have narrowed their search to women under 40. Absolutely not the case. There is, to be fair, a certain “type” who only wants someone younger, and that can range from a year or two to a decade or two (!) but I have plenty of contact from men my age or a few years younger, and men a decade or so younger.

      • Fi says:

        Right. I got asked my age by a man tonight and i thought of Elle. I said “I’m old” and he said “Do you have a boyfriend?” and I said “no” and he said “Would you like one? How about me?”.
        I said no thanks because he was pretty drunk (I was standing at the bar in the folk club) and he could have been repelled if he’d seen me when he was sober, but the point is he didn’t go “Get away from me you old hag you’re not 20”.

      • Elle says:

        I’ve finally realised where I’m going wrong! Up until now if I got chatted up by a drunk it didn’t count. Up until now I didn’t even consider a drunk to be a prospect. Would I consider an older man? Yes. A bald man? Yes. A short man? Yes. A drunk man? Definitely not, drunks aren’t even on my radar!

        This might explain why I’m having problems finding a man in Ireland. Unfortunately emigration is not an option for me, otherwise I’d have gone to continental Europe long ago.

      • Fi says:

        Well here’s the thing Elle. You would see a drunk man and ignore him.

        I saw a well dressed drunk man, in his 40s, sitting at the bar chatting to the bar staff with whom he was on friendly terms. The conclusion i drew was that he was a single middle aged man, with a good job, with no-one to go home to, who spends enough time in the pub to be on friendly terms with the bar staff who all appeared to like him, and he does that because he has no-one at home waiting for him. So there you go.
        Single, tick, 40s+, tick, employed, tick, no personality disorders, tick. Maybe he was drinking because he was in a pub and there was no reason not to? Maybe he was in a pub because he wanted company?

      • Elle says:

        Zoe, I am not convent educated. I have always gone to school with boys. This may have given me my realistic outlook on men, the dating scene and my worth. As for drunk men, they are the same whether they are dressed in bespoke cashmere or in rags. Would Fi have approached this man if he had been dressed in rags? Addiction doesn’t respect class, employment status or dress sense.

        If a woman dates or marries an alcoholic she will always come second to the bottle. All unpleasant behaviour will be blamed on the bottle. Yes, the man might be sober in the morning but how long will he stay sober?. I don’t date drunks. If that makes me fussy or a prude so be it. It’s nigce to enjoy a bottle of wine or a few beers but it’s important to know when to stop.

        There are pubs on Baggot Street in Dublin which are always full of well-dressed drunk men. Most have homes to go to but prefer the company of the bar staff and their drinking buddies to that of their wives or partners. When the pubs close they all stagger across the road to a basement nightclub frequented by the over 35s. It’s fun once in a while but the same men (married or not) continue drinking into the wee hours and bend the ear of any woman who will listen about how crap their marriage is in the vain hope of some “company” later. Unfortunately for them none of the drug companies have come up with a product that could reverse the effects of brewers droop. The next morning they’re sober, hungover, nauseous and full of guilt.

        I doubt if Fi’s man was like that, maybe he was just merry, in which case it might have been fun to stick around.

      • zoe says:

        Elle, I was not suggesting you got out with drunks. By referring to Churchill, I was hoping subtly – evidently too subtly – to direct attention to the rest of this well known quote, and by implication reinforce my point that your ongoing tendency to judgment may be at issue rather than his temporary state of inebriation.

        However, I don’t want to over-egg this, because as your point about convents illustrates, I don’t know you and these sorts of speculations are of uncertain value and perhaps hurtful too.

        It occurs to me that I may have unfairly seized upon small cracks in your remarks – one meant to be a nice message of support to P and the other meant to be a humorous observation on the men in your country – in order to take issue with you.

        I’m sorry if this made you feel got at – you hinted that it did.

        The fact is that I think you’re very wrong about older women. Wrong in my experience; wrong in principle; wrong in fact; wrong in attitude; and wrong – for want of a better term – in sexual politics. I share Maria’s frustration. No one’s contributions (not even June’s) quite wind me up like yours!

        Perhaps one day I’ll try to spell out more clearly why I think this. In the meantime, I will try to play the ball and not the player – especially with someone so admirably sparing with their ad hominems x

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you, Elle! pxx

    • zoe says:

      I agree, Fi. My guess is that despite the mantle of self-sacrificial surrender to any-man-who-might-have-her, Elle in fact carries with her a convent-cultivated air of disapproval of much male behaviour, especially when sexually expressed. And – as Churchill once reminded us – the man will be sober in the morning.

      • fi says:

        He was good looking and slim too. If it wasn’t for the one and a half breasts thing I might have been tempted 🙂

  • malcolm says:

    Now why are you trying to ruin this by thinking too much? Relax a bit and what will be will be.

  • John says:

    Good luck Miss P – you deserve a bit of luck. Forget the ageists. My future wife was in Year 1 at school when I was in university (no Iam no Jimmy Savile) we married when she was 21 and we are still together after 42 years. As for taking the plunge please remember that classy women do not do one night stands. She holds auditions and you don’t get a callback.Enjoy

  • Doc says:

    Don’t write it off – I was heavily into older women when I was young – I liked that they didn’t do the BS so many young women tended to do. So from the time I was 14 till my early 20’s every woman I dated was at least 15 years older than me – one was a lot older than that. Oldest woman I ever had sex with was 48 when I was 30 – didn’t know how old she was when I went after her, didn’t care. Met her on jury-duty, and she was smokin’ hot… The thing was that I wasn’t looking for long term – just fun. That was what I liked about older women – I was much younger than them, so it was just for fun – although when I was younger than their children, that tended to give them a thrill of the forbidden… I couldn’t care less, as long as she wanted the same things I did – it was good.

    These days, I’m almost the exact opposite of that, and tend to only go for much younger women. Pretty much for the same reason – they aren’t looking for long term with me – just short-term fun. Women closer to my age all tend to be sizing me up for marriage, and that ain’t happening the way marriage laws are. Heck, can’t even shack up with a woman for longer than 6 months or you can find yourself as a “common-law husband” in many states – that happened to a friend, and she got his house for shacking up for 6 months. (That is nuts…) It’s just a lot easier to be sure your objectives align with the woman. Since I’m much older than the women I date these days, I know they don’t want to take me home to meet Mother, since Mother is probably younger than I am. But they are willing to share my bed, and travel with me without all of the talk about settling down.

    Stress-free relationships – that is what relationships should be – fun. So enjoy the opportunity – expand his horizons, and he may expand yours a bit too… But don’t try to over-analyze it – just enjoy.

    • Elle says:

      A 14 year old boy dating a woman 15 years his senior? Seriously doc, you were both breaking the law and if you had been caught one of you was risking prison.

      Speaking of age gaps, I feel sorry for the 30 year old man who absconded to France with his 15 year old pupil. Well maybe not as he was married. But he was getting pilloried right left and centre for his actions and at the end of the day there were only 15 years between them. If the same girl waited 2 years and started dating a dodgy celebrity 20 years her junior nobody would bat an eyelid.

      • Elle says:

        Err, I mean a dodgy celebrity 20 years her SENIOR!!

        Doc, if one of those younger women were to introduce you to her mother who as you say, is probably younger than you, the outcome might be very interesting! 🙂 You should try it.

  • Jo Marsh says:

    Wow P!!!!!! Enjoy!!!!!! 🙂

  • Helle says:

    Dear P. Go for it – and the very best luck with it what ever it turns out to be. And by the way, why shouldn’t Young Twinkle be interested in you!!! As they would say in some of the awful American talk shows: you go, Girl.

  • Dawn says:

    Go for it! Sending you virtual CdlM. On account of I can’t afford it either.

  • MissBates says:

    Have fun, P, and guard your heart. (Computer tech? Children’s tutor/clarinet teacher? LOL! Sorry, can’t help but venture a guess….)

  • june says:

    Well P have fun enjoy,live for the moment you might as well. hes younger what the hell, who cares,if only younger men in my neck of woods would be attracted to me id be happy but sadly on the POF site i have often been contacted by younger men 100s miles away, but men in my area, are very ageist and dont. I was very flattered last week in the supermarket where the lovely lady on the till said “finished work early” when i said i was no longer at work, but retired she expressed amazement and said you cant be you look far too young, sadly this does not make me attractive to younger men where i live.

    But i have taken the advice of several on here, i cant spend rest of my life worrying about it, ive started pilates classes, am dog sitting for my friend, and P like you iwas not a doggy person but her little spaniel (male) has won my heart. he is lovely and always pleased ro see you, unlike lots of menlol and am investigating vol befriending, only hour or so a week, just visiting people who are lonely for a chat, and im good at chatting.

    So hope something comes of it P, and still i hope maybe might happen for me, but as i said i was getting down about it too much and feel ive taken control now and feel better for it, sure ill have my lonely moments but will live with them.

    • fi says:

      June. Brilliant. Do keep it up and say yes to any invitations that come your way as that’s how whole new opportunities open up to you. Even if you don’t think you’ll like those opportunities, say yes anyway, as they may lead to other things too.

    • RS says:

      June I’m really glad you’re feeling better about things, having taken control. It will come across to others, for sure, and I bet you’ll have a whole new world open up to you. And also how nice that you’re giving back to the community, with the visiting/chatting thing. I think that’s marvelous. On top of that, you’re discovering what a wonderful bonus pets can be in our lives. It’s really nice to see such a positive post!

    • The Plankton says:

      Best of luck, June; great that you have started classes and dog walking. Who knows? Pxx

      • june says:

        Thanks folks, i have to say this week with the pilates , dog sitting and prospect of the befriending i havent thought once about wo is me i dont have a man. The friend im sitting for is one who dreads becoming a plankton, think having a dog seems to have helped her actually,she seems more relaxed and her relationship seems better, not perfect but better.She said yesterday as we took him for a walk, i wouldnt have asked you to dogsit you know, i wouldnt presume, i took it on with a full time job, its my responsibilty, i said no im happy with it, it gets me up in mornings, and i was getting to stage i sometimes thought whats the point. So think it a win win situation, Would still like to meet someone but it can bring you down so much that it takes over your life and thats not good.

  • Gladys Thong says:

    Heartwarming news, P. At the very least, having that spark of interest will put a spring back in your step and at best – who knows where it could lead? And, if you don’t mind, I’m hoping the ripples from this promising development will sway the fortunes of a few of your single readers too…

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you. Early days as yet, but fingers firmly crossed. If everyone could say a few prayers for this thing, it might just get off the ground. Not that I am very religious, but I need all the help from Up There i can get, I reckon! xx

  • maria says:

    Wonderful news P. Go for it!

  • fi says:

    Well! How are you going to escalate it? You’ll run out of buttons to undo soon. 🙂 maybe some of the blokes that comment here can give you some suggestions as to what to do to make your intentions clear, while giving you room to retain your dignity if required. As I suspect you won’t actually do anything because you’re not sure WHAT to do next. I can’t give you any suggestions as I don’t know – I’ve spent my entire life speaking to people who inexplicably suddenly start taking their clothes off because they think I’ve given them some sort of secret signal that I’m up for it. But intentionally giving out the correct signals – I’d have no idea how to do it.

    • zoe says:

      Sounds like another bout of tears might do the trick 🙂

    • PY says:

      Oh, for Heaven’s sake, Fi !

      How many times have blokes commented on this blog that they are hopeless at reading the signals being given out by their female dates ?

      Turn it on its head , whilst we dont know the lad in question , Ms B has to make her intentions very clear without being overtly predatory .

      They’re at the kissy and presumably dumbly stage . He probably has a greater respect for her seniority/ experience than she realises. If he hasn’t pounced/ been rebuffed already , then he is showing a degree of respect , whilst remaining enthusiastic and, presumably , ‘alert’.

      If P really wants to go the whole hog , she has to realise that she is actually in control of the situation .

      It’s getting cold (the heating has mysteriously failed – forget thet ploy if he’s the plumber) and you’re sharing a blanket discussing Sartre. The fags are out , the wine bottle empty and it’s late. ” Look, Matey, it’s late and it’s getting chilly . Why don’t you just kip down here tonight ? Oops , I’ve lost the spare duvet , you’re just going to have to share with me. I hope you don’t snore. – or – Quite frankly I wouldn’t mind the company – if that’s ok with you, of course . Here, let me help you with that canoe in your pocket – or – What do you like for breakfast in their morning, apart from me ?”

      Plan ahead, don’t expect him to. Have a shower and get rid of the grey bra/knickers. Tidy up the topiary, buy industrial shipments of condoms, nonchalantly have a spare toothbrush to hand . Lie back , think of absolutely anywhere but England and try your very best to finish his education whilst massaging that all important brittle ego – without criticising or shattering his pre-conceptions , of course.

      Piece of cake, really . Don’t know what all ge fuss is about.

      • Jill says:

        Am sitting here hooting and chuckling over this post….nearly did the nose trick with my coffee… Looking at the time it was posted (and the uncharacteristic typos), one might surmise that you were certainly tired and possibly even a bit “emotional” when you wrote it, PY! I honestly think that this post merits an invitation from some literary organ such as Saga Magazine to act as its agony uncle by reason of its succinct and pithy adivce to the older would-be seductress.

        And P ….hooray, hooray, and go for it (him!). (Envious, moi?!)

      • The Plankton says:

        Thanks, Jill. Not much to be envious of quite yet if ever! Pxx

      • maria says:

        “Here, let me help you with that canoe in your pocket.” Are you serious? :mrgreen:

      • PY says:

        Yes , Jill, late and a tad ’emotional’ after a good evening in town but also challenged by fat finger syndrom and a small screen as I rolled home, courtesy of SWTrains.

    • The Plankton says:

      You are spot on, Fi. Nor me! People say go for it but how on earth…? Search me. I am running out of buttons, absolutely. And I do want to make my intentions clear but crucially retain the dignity (such as it is). haven’t a fucking clue how to pull off that miracle…? pxx

  • kathy says:

    Here’s to you, Mrs Robinson!

  • kathy says:

    I suspect he is a plumber, there to sort out a long standing issue with her pipes.

  • RS says:

    Nice to hear about the latest twinkle, P. In my experience plenty of 30-somethings (and younger) are interested in 40 something women and the ones who are are often mature in their outlook and can say exactly what it is that they find appealing about an older woman – confidence, life experience, etc. All good things.
    Even if it doesn’t develop into a full-blown “relationship”, it’s something to enjoy, to bring a smile to your face and to quicken the heartrate… something to look forward to and give you some fun.

  • Emgee says:

    53 replies already(!), but I can’t say I am surprised. I turn 50 tomorrow, and while I can’t say my body is better than at 17, it ain’t bad.

    Keep it up Ms P, whatever this new thing is, it is to be enjoyed!

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you, EmGee. I’ll try! Pxx

    • Jill says:

      Hope I’m not too late, Emgee, but I’ve only just got home and wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday for today. Only 50 – what a young thing you are….hope it has been a good day for you.

      • fi says:

        Yes happy birthday EmGee – welcome to cronedom 😆

      • EmGee says:

        Thank you, Both! It’s still my birthday, here on the Left Coast :-). Had a great one, bff came over this afternoon to help me with an open house planned for this weekend (art opening, not party), brought a lovely prezzie, bf took me out for dinner, and gave me a small basket handwoven of pine needles (bought from a local artisanne). Dear friend made a video -can-you believe-it?!!?, that he posted on youtube. Best of all, I don’t feel a day over 29! (yes, I am still under the influence of the dinner quaff).

        Fi, I am glad the prognosis is good for you. Truth be told, I am envious of your NHS. I haven’t been to the gyno in a few years because it has gotten too expensive, even with insurance, and the billing was always messed up – getting notices from collections agencies even before getting properly billed by the Dr’s billing agencies; graspers trying to strong arm you into paying them, but unable to release information as to why due to ‘privacy’. Our healthcare ‘system’ is a disgrace in the USA.

        Now that I am fifty, I dread the letter from my ins co doubling my premium.

      • Fi says:

        Not your birthday (wjhich sounds good – can we have the lnk to the youtube video?) – paying for medical treatment.

      • EmGee says:

        Fi: …can we have the lnk to the youtube video?

        Well, I don’t see why not, I am not actually in it, just a couple of my paintings, and my friend’s little boy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wm9ASU1IRdk&feature=share

        Seriously, how can one not count their blessings, when one has friends like these?

      • RS says:

        Emgee,belated Happy 50th, and I’m sorry to follow up what should be only happy tidings by telling you that you must get in for a pap smear.

        I’ve just had my results come back as abnormal. Worried sick, won’t know exactly what’s up for a couple more days, but I’m comforted by the fact that I get one every year like clockwork, so anything that’s developed will have been within the last year and not had long to “cook”. I feel for those of you in the US who have to pay out of pocket for what you should be entitled to as a citizen of a civilized country. But please, find the money somehow. As with Fi’s lump, early detection is so important.

      • T Lover says:

        RS,

        High fives. You will be fine.

      • fi says:

        Emgee. I’ve just come across the link here (I don’t think I get all the emails as I didnty see this in my in box) but this is great. Love the paintings, and what nice friends you have. Hope you had a great day

      • Emgee says:

        Thanks Fi, I always appreciate & enjoy praise about my work, even if it isn’t exactly flying off the walls and into the hands of collectors. 😀

        My prayers are with you and RS regarding your health issues.

      • Fi says:

        I have to confess my faves were the roses and fruit in your archive gallery – conventional and pedestrian that’s me 🙂

      • EmGee says:

        Hey I paint what I like, and although my interests are always changing, I still like what I have done in the past. And I like more conventional paintings and subjects too. Abstract expressionism, and ‘shock’ art really turn me off. The former is either a good artist getting lazy and doing ‘quickies’ selling on his/her name, or mediocre painters not bothering to hone skills. There is good abstract work out there, but 95% of it is crap and/or hype, imho. The latter is simply people who want attention, and when they aren’t making art, they are playing out their dramas in other ways. Bah, get some therapy.

  • T Lover says:

    Tonight, T Lover is Mr Grumpy.

    Who gives an SH one T if a sex starved older woman is trying to drop her trollies for a younger bloke?

    My mind keeps going back to this breast cancer, the worry, the sleepless nights and the fact that one commentator with a moniker that begins with R still won’t grip the hand of friendship repeatedly offered by another whose name begins with F – I just can’t work that one out at all.

    Life’s priorities are upside down.

    • fi says:

      T – Update on previous page.
      😦

      • T Lover says:

        Fi,

        I don’t know why I feel grumpy when I read this lot.

        I wanted to support you last week and this week have been reading the responses, willing you to keep “talking” and hoping, given your situation, this bizarre antipathy with you know who (which plainly gnaws at you) could be patched up given your situation and given your hand of friendship.

        There was a sign that the ice was melting a week or two back, a sign I think you misread, but anyway, I still feel out of sorts.

        Maybe it is because reading of a younger man riveting an older woman (egged on by a bunch of commentators urging her to have “fun”) is not the way I would normally choose to spend my time. I haven’t got a dirty Mac. Perhaps the sister publication (the Sun) could run the story in the Deirdre’s photo case book series.

        Maybe it is because it (older/younger/sex/release of pent up sexual frustration) really does not seem important weighed against life’s real slings and arrows.

        Maybe I’m just grumpy today.

      • Fi says:

        T. Thanks for this. No, I’ve never thought getting a boyfriend was that important either. Not since i was 15 anyway 😀 And I’ve always thought that only people without real difficulties in life can afford to get so worked up about the minor things. Nobody who is homeless for example is going to be thinking about a boyfriend unless they’re looking to move into their house.

        Re ‘the one who musn’t be named’ – you can’t go through life being nice to people on the off chance they’ll get breast cancer later on, but I do think we reap what we sow. And the odds are that there are other people she has difficult relationships with too.

        And lastly, its nice to get supportive messages here and I’m bearing up. I have a lot of people who have been fantastic, offering all sorts of help including ferrying me about to appointments, asking questions for me, offering me psychic healing ( 🙄 ) and books on ‘healing from within’ (:roll:). I even got a hug from the nurse who took my blood today.

        I don’t want to talk too much about it as this is P’s blog, but honestly I’m fine. You have to stay though instead of wandering off into the ether again 😆

        Sorry – since i found out about these moving emoticons i just can’t help myself

      • Fi says:

        And that should be books on ‘healing from within’ ( 🙄 )

      • T Lover says:

        Fi,

        Yes, the one known as R. I think the problem is a big slice of pride stuck in a gullet. I hope it is swallowed and forgotten. I would have been chuffed to bits if it had. When one has a life threatening illness the other can afford to be magnanimous.

        Magnanimous is what the Head Girl is being with me. I didn’t get anything from this post or last week. Last week was particularly disappointing, a hurried stop gap. But then I’m a bloke, real name Mr Grumpy, and this Blog is aimed at women, not me.

        I was obviously wrong about the lump in the sense it does appear malignant. That said I was right in another sense, you couldn’t have a better prognosis. We won’t be tipping your ashes over Coldstream Bridge for a while yet.

        See you soon. Allez Rosie, Allez Fi.

      • maria says:

        Fi, f*ck you know who, you don’t need her. There’s plenty of people here who appreciate you: me, Zoe, Jill, Emgee, Jo, T Lover… not to mention Scott, who has a big crush on you. 😆

      • fi says:

        Maria. Thanks. 🙂
        Scott has a crush on every woman. Whether or not she has pipes that need clearing

      • RS says:

        Fi, I have a crush on you too. 😉
        For different reasons than Scott. Probably.

        Missed the previous awful news but having read through the comments am now totally up to date and very relieved that although it’s not a good thing to be told you have, it’s in all likelihood about as manageable as it can be. So… a relief. Seems weird to call a cancer diagnosis a relief, but this one is, I guess.

        In your honour I’m calling to book the mammogram I’ve been putting off.

      • fi says:

        Yes do. The surgeon said it could have been 6 months till it was big enough to feel so get down there and get it done pronto.

      • RS says:

        Mammogram booked for a couple of weeks hence and thanks for the push/reminder. Unfortunately have just had pap smear results come back as abnormal. Won’t know more for a couple more days.

      • fi says:

        RS. Eeek. Hope you’re ok.

  • James B says:

    If he (your new twinkle) has rumbled that you are The Plankton, and if he has indeed read the latest column then I feel that he will be very excited indeed. Justifiably so. In any case, have fun!

  • Leftatforty says:

    Where is Lydia?

  • paolo says:

    An older woman, a much younger man – yes, that can be very interesting. (I have some personal experience in this regard.) I’ve long thought that one of the best erotic match-ups is a man in his early-20s and a woman in her late-30s.

    However, bedding someone much younger is one thing, attempting a “relationship” with that person is quite another. I think the question one asks oneself in these types of situations is: Would I be embarrassed if I introduced this person to my children as my romantic partner? If the answer is “yes,” then you might want to keep things in the bedroom only.

  • fi says:

    Annie. While I admire your candour in coming here and saying basically that you’ve spent your entire adult life in one relationship after another and can’t bear to be on your own, and all your partners have betrayed you, and your criteria for selecting a bloke is height, and for some unexplained reason all men you meet want to know how old you are before rejecting you – why do you link into your business profile that says you are a psychologist that can help people deal with emotional problems? I don’t mean to sound rude here, but to be honest if I wanted to speak to someone about problems I had I’d rather speak to someone who appeared to have their life together, as surely the next queston for you should be why have these things all happened to you and what mistakes or contributions have you made to cause them to happen and what do your choices say about you?. A case of physician heal thyself. In your position I would take the link off and keep business and personal separate. But that’s just me.

  • rosie says:

    Fi, seeing as you just can’t seem to keep off the subject of ME, when I’ve chosen to let your comments ride because it’s just not worth it, I’ll tell you why I haven’t ‘extended the hand of friendship’. You’re a bully. You’ve been on here for over a year now, morning, noon and night, lecturing people, telling them how crap they are and wrapping up your own barely concealed anger and frustration as ‘concern’ for others. Like any bully worth their salt, you’ve got your little band of supporters (including a potty mouthed little attack dog and at least one person who’s scared of you) because that’s how bullies operate.

    With one or two notable exceptions the people with any emotional intelligence, kindness and understanding have all fecked off. There’s no point trying to debate with you because you’re incapable of debate. You’ve hijacked this blog, trampled all over it and practically held it to ransom. If someone disagrees with you, wham bam, you’re on them and, like a dog with a bone, you won’t let go.

    Full marks to P for her equanimity. If it was my blog and you’d made those comments (among many others) about me and what you *think* you know about my life, I’d have shown you the door. Then again, it wouldn’t surprise me if you only read half of what she writes. You’re not here add to the conversation in any meaningful way. You’re here because you want to be Queen Bee. My guess is, far from leading that full and interesting life you’re always telling us about, this blog is pretty much all you’ve got.

    I could make a connection between your oft-repeated assertion that we ‘reap what we sow’ and your being diagnosed with breast cancer but that would be too crass. So I wish you a speedy recovery. As to whether I ‘hate’ you, no I don’t. I feel very sorry for you.

    • Fi says:

      I think you’re right that I use this blog inappropriately – I do chat to folk and probably shouldn’t. Well I KNOW I shouldn’t as that’s not what it’s for, and I do accept I write on it too much. The rest of what you say about me – i don’t agree with and I’m not going to say anything beyond that except to say I love this line “I could make a connection between your oft-repeated assertion that we ‘reap what we sow’ and your being diagnosed with breast cancer….”. You do make me laugh. 😆

    • T Lover says:

      Rosie,

      I am really sorry, I think this is all my fault. Stirring things up.

      I enjoyed making comments on this Blog and the reading different (female) points of view.

      From time to time a number of commentators have had plenty to say and then disappeared, come back gone again. I can see why Fi (and let’s be frank – you) enjoy the interaction and why Fi might be using the Blog more than she should.

      I am not running the Blog down when I say I have become less interested in the recent past and only made a comeback as it were when I read Fi had a provisional diagnosis of cancer. Jeez she must have been scared witless.

      I also saw you had made a comment a few days ago which I took to be – perhaps I misunderstood – an attempt by you to re-engage with Fi. It was followed by a riposte from her I thought was out of place but then again I might be wrong because the timing of comments is odd. You can “post” only to find an earlier comment you had not seen before.

      Anyway, this is the absolute truth, I hoped when Fi’s diagnosis came in that you might respond to her invitation to be friends. And to be equally honest I think you should have done. And I would be really, really pleased if you would both forget this silliness – that’s what it is – and get on with life.

      I bet the pair of you are sitting there today wondering what sort of rotten fruit is going to be lobbed your way this time. Come on. Two bright women, never met each other having this sort of personal spat. It’s nonsense.

      • fi says:

        I think you’re right actually. Sorry but you did kick it off and with everything you’re saying you’re upsettting someone or making ti worse.

    • T Lover says:

      Rosie,

      Come on, sort it. Don’t let this anipathy go on and on. .

      This is a promise: if you two bury the hatchet I’ll up anchor and not come back. You could do me a favour too!

      Here’s another promise: I’ll shove off anyway because I am at the bottom of this latest spat, unintentional but guilty and I don’t get any pleasure from seeing two people in a surreal public fall out over nowt.

      It’s a sign of a big person to be generous to someone they don’t get on with.

      Please.

    • maria says:

      Rosie, why don’t you go f*ck yourself and get out of here once and for all? Sick b*tch!

      The potty mouthed little attack dog

    • Jo says:

      Gosh Rosie that’s a really disgusting thing to say.
      My dear friend has breast cancer…
      What – by your definiton – does that say about her?
      A repulsive comment.

    • RS says:

      What kind of person would own up to even THINKING that, let alone write it on a public forum?
      All the evil, terrible things that human beings do, and you think that posting in the comments segment of a blog more often than you think acceptable, engaging in some mild name-calling at one point, voicing opinions contrary to your own and being what you perceive as argumentative warrant a serious health threat? Wow. Makes me wonder how you are to people who seriously cross you in, you know, actual real life, away from the internet.

  • zoe says:

    And there in a nutshell is the difference between Rosie and Fi – and, indeed, why Fi has her e-friends and supporters and Rosie has – well, as far as I recall, none… Please, Rosie, get over it. It’s shameful.

    • Fi says:

      Well she’s right i use this blog too much – a combination of working from home and a smart phone allows me to and it’s boring sitting in front of my laptop all day, speaking to nobody except my crazy boss. Also I live on my own so if I’m not out doing stuff it’s all too easy to quickly scan any emails and write what I think without a filter between brain and fingers. I don’t think I am how Rosie describes me, and I wouldn’t like to think that’s how I come across, but I might. Obviously I do to her anyway. Oh well, can’t be helped.

      • maria says:

        Fi, don’t worry! That’s not how you come across, at least to me.
        Never mind what that sick c*w thinks.

      • T Lover says:

        Maria,

        People say things they don’t mean when they are upset. And the written word is easy to misunderstand.

        Your behaviour is, as Rosie says, the conduct of the foul mouthed bully.

        How you can react in this unpleasant, aggressive dirty mouthed way about a human being you have never met is a mystery and makes me ashamed to think I have ever read this blog.

      • fi says:

        T lover – you started this. And you’re feeding the situation instead of letting it die down. Interesting….

      • maria says:

        T Lover, I’m sorry if you don’t like my language but I was insulted first. Maybe you should go back in the blog and read some of said human being’s comments again.

      • T Lover says:

        I think this was the exchange I was thinking of:

        rosie says:
        Man alive, how many times have you said the same thing about this blog and the people on it now, fi? I’ve literally lost count

        fi says:
        I know. I keep coming back because I like to chat to some of the commentators like Maria, and EmGee and Zoe and Margaux and others that I’ve enjoyed reading posts from in the past. But the theme of misery, and now the fighting, and some of the other commentators comments are what puts me off it.

        rosie says:
        It’s a public blog, fi, there will be people you agree with and those you don’t. You’ve been saying the same thing for over a year. If it’s really that bad why do you keep coming back?

        fi says:
        Yes you’re right.

        Margaux says:
        I take comfort in the familiarity of this blog after having been away for a few weeks – P’s articulate and witty writing, Lydia’s idiosyncratic take on life, June’s ongoing lamentations, the occasional outbreak of misogyny from guest ‘manosphere’ posters and Rosie having another dig at Fi …..

        I read the tone – Rosie’s tone – as much softer, barely worth describing as a dig. It was the first direct dialogue between the two of you for months. I read it as positive, a bit of a thaw. Then, I can’t remember, but either just before or just after you had said “let’s be friends”.

        Then the diagnosis followed by a wave of good wishes.

        Softy I may be but I hoped Rosie might be in there. I prodded and got the wrong result.

        I guess Rosie enjoys participating/commenting but feels hurt. She has said something badly judged. The reaction to Rosie, Fi has lots of friends, you have none or you sick cow was hardly Christian. It was bullying. I ain’t no god botherer but even I can see that.

        I am a mere bloke. It is one of life’s natural consequences that I have to take the blame for everything that goes wrong between women. The thing I don’t understand is why I read and participate in this blog. What do I get from it? Am I mad too?

      • fi says:

        I have no idea T Lover why you feel you have to get involved to the extent you have in something that isn’t really anything to do with you. Beyond the fact that, as you said, you started it all off my introducing the topic of the poor relationship that Rosie and I have, and then commented on it several times after that, before criticising Maria. And now you are pulling the “it’s nothing to do with me I’m just a bloke and being unfairly blamed ” card.

      • T Lover says:

        Fi,

        You are so right it is nothing to do with me. Except: I don’t like to upset anyone. I don’t like to see Rosie treated like this. Two wrongs don’t make a right. The language used by your pal is disgusting and I get no pleasure from bitchiness rampant wherever if it comes from. The reason? Feelings and confidence can be badly hurt although not a one of your sycophants knows the square root of bugger all about the girl or her situation.

      • fi says:

        “My sycophants” ?

      • T Lover says:

        Fi,

        The question you are posing is what?

      • fi says:

        I suppose it’s “Didn’t you used to be nice?”

    • T Lover says:

      Fi,

      99% of your comments have balance and/or you try and see things from every viewpoint and I am therefore not surprised that you have lots of fans.

      I can’t work Rosie out. I am sure she didn’t mean what she said about cancer. I think she was really, really upset.

      If in your eyes standing up for someone and/or saying what I feel equates to not being nice – fine. If you think I am not going to say something when one person says of another on a public blog she is a sick cow you are wrong. If you think I am not nice. Your prerogative. It’s just tough.

      Rosie. Come on. Ball in your court.

      Oh, and by the way, I deliberately used the word “sycophants” to make those involved to stop and think.

      • Margaux says:

        You know, T Lover- you have often made me laugh on this blog and I’ve always enjoyed reading you .

        As you quite rightly surmise – the problem with the written word between a bunch of people who don’t know each other from Adam is that we will all read the responses through the prism of our own surmisations aswell as the mood we may be in at the time.

        I had been away for awhile so I read Rosie questioning Fi’s continuing presence on the blog as a result of the animosity that had occured previously. You read the tone differently. I hold my hand up if my own memory of previous blog history had led me to reach the wrong conclusion in your view.

        However, I did notice you referring to the same state of play between R and F and bringing it up more than once. And I did wonder why.

      • Margaux says:

        T Lover – no problem with the implication that Fi has reaped what she has sown and got breast cancer?
        Or is the idea of women swearing far more offensive to you?

      • fi says:

        Er…when rosie questioned my continuing presence I thought I gave her a nice response saying I agreed with her. Irrespective og how she meant it.
        I think it odd indeed that when things are quiet T Lover keeps reintroducing the topic though.

      • fi says:

        And naming her, after referring to her by initial, then to avoid any doubt about who he is referring to says Allez Rosie. I didn’t identify who it was. Maybe he’s bored and just likes to stir.

      • T Lover says:

        Fi,

        Wrong, I’m afraid.

        I now stand accused of deliberate stirring because “things are quiet”. I find it difficult to believe you could really think that, but life is full of surprises.

        Maria,

        I can’t weigh the girl up.

        I used to enjoy the banter. I think I have learned more about women reading this blog than I have during two marriages but banter between females has become hate and spite and has really put me off the whole thing.

        Come on, it’s time to forgive and forget.

    • maria says:

      Quoting Rosie: ” I see that Maria has found someone else to arselick.” How’s that for a christian comment, T Lover? Is that christian enough for you?
      I’ll tell you what, if you like her so much, why don’t you ask her out? Maybe after a good seeing to she’ll actually become a nice humane person.
      I think that, deep down, you really enjoy a nice cat fight.

  • Redbookish says:

    ooo, Ms P.! Good luck! Crossing fingers for you.

    I had a ?? — well, I wouldn’t even call it a thing — with someone about 10 years younger than me a couple of years ago, and I sometimes wonder if it were that age difference that caused him to just drift off (from 3 or 4 texts and and several emails a day including a last thing at night chat, alacrity in seeing me to … nada after a few months).

    And gosh, how this blog has developed a little text-tube culture of its own!

  • James B says:

    Good luck with the important stuff, Fi. I wish you the best and I am sure we all do.

  • rosie says:

    What Churchill actually said was, “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.” This was in reply to Labour politician Bessie Braddock, who had accused him of being drunk.

  • Jo says:

    Good Luck RS. x

  • zoe says:

    Gosh, TLover. You’ve got yourself into such a spin, I’m not sure you realise quite how incoherent your position has become. You must be wearing yourself out trying to clamber on to the high ground and snipe from the gutter at the same time.

    • T Lover says:

      Zoe,

      Help me, explain what you mean.

    • T Lover says:

      Zoe,

      Just tell me straight, where do you get this “sniping from the gutter” from?

      BWs

      T Lover

      • fi says:

        I can’t believe this agitation seeking clarification so you can defend yourself, just because someone has said something slightly less than complimentary, after all the criticisms you’ve dished out to me, Maria and Jill.

      • T Lover says:

        Well you had better believe it, Fi.

        I have made a big mistake getting involved.

        Two reasons. One this exchange proves women are never happier than when singling out and bitching about another woman. Two, I am now being turned on – Henry Halls like “sniping from the gutter” whatever bull that is supposed to convey.

        Of course I also stand accused by you, Fi, of deliberate muck stirring to liven up an otherwise slow blog and another star turn from Maria, this classic:

        “I’ll tell you what, if you like her so much, why don’t you ask her out? Maybe after a good seeing to she’ll actually become a nice humane person.”

        So, if you don’t mind Fi, keep your nose out and let Zoe explain this unpleasant tripe (about me) for herself.

      • T Lover says:

        Fi,

        Look here you stupid Jock.

        I didn’t think some of the reaction to Rosie was fair – you just can’t call someone you have never met (or had a real discussion with) a “sick cow”.

        But I have been clumsy. Sorry. No deliberate intent. Truth.

        So why haven’t you been busy commenting? Maybe you’ve been tied up. Hope that’s the reason.

  • Mrs T Lover says:

    There, there dear – stop tormenting the poor girlies and come and have a nice cup of cocoa ….

  • Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an very long comment
    but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up.
    Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Regardless, just wanted to say excellent blog!

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