Today I Feel Like Total Effing Shit

November 23, 2012 § 49 Comments

Though why I should burden any of you with this tedious fact, I fail to know.  Apologies.

Just needed to get it off my chest.

The sun will come out tomorrow.



§ 49 Responses to Today I Feel Like Total Effing Shit

  • Sarah says:

    Why, what have you done? 😀

  • py says:

    Sorry to hear that Ms P – and you’re right, the sun is unlikely to make much of an appearance in the ‘Smoke’ tomorrow .

    But, chin up, Sunday is looking like it is going to be pretty good.

  • Jill says:

    Oh no, what now, P? Am distressed to hear you say that. Have just posted an admiring comment about your brilliant re-education of Scott, and now I spot this.

    If it helps, I do thnk that an unsought-after/unwished-for single life has more than its fair share of f***ing, sh**y moments, and I have every sympathy with you. But, on the other hand, so does the coupled-up life.

    I listened to John Lloyd’s Desert Isalnd Discs this morning, and thought it was one of the best I have ever heard. Indeed, so impressed was I by all that he had to say (what a GORGEOUS voice!) that i have just ordered his DI book from Amazon. His record choices were brilliant too – beginnning with Van Morrison’s “Bright Side of the Road” and ending with Dire Straits’ “Walk of Life”. Can I rather cheekily suggest that you listen to the programme on iPlayer if you didn’t also hear it earlier? I found it cheered me up greatly, and hope it might do something of that nature for you too. Jill xx

  • Penny Haskins says:

    Hi Plankton, we are all allowed to feel like that sometimes, we are only human. Treat yourself to something nice, be it choc cake, a glass of wine, or whatever pleases you. Chin up indeed, tomorrow is another day!

  • Missj says:

    I know that too but i’ve been single for 8 an a half years, but get on with life and live with….maybe it’s my turn tomorrow, do I really believe that… Like fuck do I! J

  • Fiona says:

    Here in Kent the sun has been shining since first thing, I hope it has reached you. I played 4 sets of tennis and there is nothing like a bit of exercise to raise your endorphins, could that help?

  • anniebub says:

    Dear Plankton. Is ages since I dropped in, so was very sad to find you so downcast. I know the feeling too, and if it is any consolation, it can affect those who are not exactly planktons as well, for different reasons. You can be motoring along thinking everything is just fine, and then you (in my case) get a letter in the post telling you that you are not suitable for a job as the calibre of candidates is so high, and you suddenly feel like shit, even at an age when those sort of things shouldn’t seem to bother you so much. Never mind, my daughter told me, your calibre is very high, everyone loves you, thinks you are briliant, you are selling your drawings, getting your writing into print and have just been on the stage in a fab little show. But, it only takes one punch in the stomach and … you feel like shit. Just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and keep at it, I guess… I listened to John Lloyd too, and it happened to him in the middle of his life, and he found some kind of wierd solution to do with physics, or was it metaphysics! Yikes. Worth a listen though. xx

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you for this. You are entirely right. Someone else told me about the John Lloyd interview and my immediate thought was that I don’t have it in me right now to turn things around. But I might listen to it all the same. Thanks. Pxx

  • june says:

    P Its your blog, say what you want, as someone said being single can be shit but i would guess and from what i know of friends relationships so can being coupled up, on occasions, no state is perfect is it. I think personally its the bloody dark nights, makes it worse, losing daylight at 3.30 ish is a bummer,. See why suicide rates high in the Nordic countries who get little daylight in winter.

    Like you im sure i will have days when i feel same but hopefully will pass, the pilates is helping me and the dog sitting for friend who now has sick cat who is i think on way out, shes had him through divorce, relationships etc, and although she is in a relationship shes feeling shit at thought of losing said cat. . She says animals love you unconditionally! True, sometimes think she loves the cat and dog more than partner!,. Ive had another pop up on POF, lives in my city, so who knows,hope springs eternal. What has happened with the young twinkle by the way.

  • Barry Twyman says:

    “Mama said there’d be days like this”, a good Fuckfest really helpd clear the tube I find . Better luck tomorrow P ….. if not …Fuck ’em all again!

  • EnglishRose says:

    Poor you.

    Well for a start ignore the advice about wine and chocolate. They will induce depression or spike your blood sugar up and then down again which is the last thing you want.

    Sunshine amazingly may be part of this as it raises seratonin levels but not in the UK between Oct and about May so you’ll have to raise your levels through lots of eggs, fish, veg etc in the usual way and sex too – that helps beta endorphin levels..

    Tomorrow will be better. Get loads and loads of sleep.

    Keep trying with men. I have rejected the one who was 5 stone over weight so he’s on the market although he might squash you if you’re still 8 stone. A very keen one is making a huge series of journeys to meet me in 10 days but I doubt he will do and he mostly lives in France and retired. Spoke to the nicest one for a good long time today meeting this week but I’m not sure what he’ll think of me. However whether any of that works out I feel happier than ever so it doesn’t matter if there be a man around or not.

    Keep busy and increase work load that often makes women in middle life happier (and better off).

    • Jo says:

      English Rose.
      Are you aka Lydia…?

      • maria says:

        Where is Lydia?

      • SteveH says:

        Yes, Lydia is English Rose. 100% nailed on. Same avatar.

        Even if the avatar wasn’t absolute proof, the writing style is a bit of a give away – ” I have rejected this one, met these three” etc

        Only question is…why the name change?

      • fi says:

        It doesn’t matter that she’s changed her name though, or her reasons for doing so. None of us have to produce ID to comment here and can pretend to be anyone we want to be. I’m glad she’s back commenting as she is an interesting character.

      • SteveH says:

        Jo asked a question, I answered it.

        And then asked one of my own. If she chooses to anwer, fair does. If not, fair does.

        English Thorn

      • Fi says:

        I get that but Lydia answered this question on a previous thread already. 🙂

      • Fi says:


        “EnglishRose says:
        November 6, 2012 at 3:27 pm
        I got a new computer so I lose all my settings. I cannot remember what user name I had on here before but it might well have been Lydia. Not sure how to resurrect that now.”


      • Lydia says:

        When I got my new computer the new one did not seem to log in in the same way but yes same person. I never voluntarily change user names as I’d always be discovered in about 2 minutes.

        Let us ee if I just type the word Lydia in place of EnglishRose below before posting that changes it back to Lydia then

      • Lydia says:

        It worked, Good. I will revert….

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you for all this. I have lost a bit of weight, half a stone or so, so the 5 stone overweight fellow might not be the one for me! The good thing is I am not resorting to wine or chocolate! Not sure how helpful either would be. Good luck with the nicest man. Pxx

  • When I’m in a bad mood, I sit in front of a full length mirror and I watch this video

  • malcolm says:

    Sorry about your day miss P., no platitudes here. It’s November and your in England, a lot of people are dealing with the “black dogs” right about now. If it’s any consolation, you’re stuck on an island with about 70 million other people who don’t get enough sun and vitamin D. Misery does love company.

  • margaret says:

    Well, I had a similar day.

    • The Plankton says:

      I am sorry to hear that. Better today? Pxx

    • margaret says:

      Yes, today was better. I had a good dinner last night and slept eight hours. The weather has been fantastic here in Rome, so no excuse to feel bad because of the weather. But I know what you mean. You just need a few letdowns and…..
      I am glad you posted your feelings. I saw the video someone posted and I think if you accept that life is difficult it becomes easier to carry on.

  • James B says:

    Ms P – It looks like your emotions have kicked in. You have identified and labelled yourself by your single state and then further have created a literary personality that eschews hope in the very area that you long to change. You are undoubtedly vulnerable and sensitive and I hope all goes well for you. But … if you are in pain because you allowed yourself to feel something or have taken a risk then that’s okay. If you opened up and have been rejected then that’s okay too.

    If however you feel hopeless or embarrassed or humiliated then that’s not acceptable. We know you now from your honest and passionate work here and you are a talented, funny and valid human who inspires many of us. Be sure of your (complicated) but exceptional place in the universe.

    Human emotional relations are complicated and unfortunately persistence and sheer circumstantial serendipity are needed to find the right person. Don’t give up, Don’t be angry and do not worry. This too shall pass.

    Do listen to John Lloyd on Desert Island Discs and be inspired. To amuse you why not also watch his talk on

    In the meantime, feeling like shit is a temporary phenomenon. Write it down and use us as your collective therapy …

  • Gladys Thong says:

    Sorry to hear you’re feeling like this, P. I wonder why it can sometimes be so difficult for people just to hear it. We don’t necessarily need to be offered any solutions or admonishment when we hit a day like this. I do hope you’ll be back on form soon.

    • Jill says:

      @Gladys Thong – what a wonderful nom de plume, btw 😀

      Speaking purely personally, I don’t think a response to P’s anquished post yesterday springs from anything but an instinctive desire to assist/support. If one knows that someone is having a bad time, isn’t it just normal and natural to wish to offer sympathy/help? Advice is a different matter – we all deal with our own demons in different ways, but simply knowing how someone else manages to raise his or her spirits at a diffficult time can sometimes be helpful. Well, I find that to be so anyway.

      And also, it is sometimes not easy to have a good moan to one’s nearest and dearest – even good friends can have their patience tested like that – but if it helps to offload on the likes of us, P is welcome to do so any time she feels the need.

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you, Gladys. You are right. And yes, I am hoping things will improve soon, though they haven’t yet! Pxx

  • Redbookish says:

    Ms P., so sorry to read you had a bad day. I hope today is better.

  • Leftatforty says:

    Today I’m still in bed incapable to face life. It happens.

  • MissBates says:

    I do hope your “total effing shit” mood has lifted, Plankton. The impending holidays don’t help, I find.

    Got the hell out of town over Thanksgiving — out of the U.S. entirely, in fact, so at least this year I didn’t have to kick off the holiday season with a soul-numbing “festive” dinner at which I’m the only un-coupled guest.

    And before someone leaps in with a helpful suggestion, yes, I already did the whole “volunteer at a soup kitchen” thing several years running in the past on Thanksgiving and while I’m very glad I did — helping the needy, distracting myself from my own misery in the face of others’ far greater troubles, etc. — I confess that this year on the heels of a particularly grueling couple of weeks at work, it just didn’t appeal, so I wrote a check instead (probably of more use than my indifferent bulk potato-peeling skills anyway) and decamped for non-Thanksgiving parts. I’ve also been the hostess of several “singles Thanksgivings” where I cooked for a group of similarly-situated women and unattached gay men. Why didn’t I invite unattached straight men? Don’t know any — haven’t you been paying attention? — nor did any of the other guests, whereas I imagine the precisely three available-for-ten-minutes, age-appropriate hetero men in the greater NYC area had too many invitations to count….

    In any event, Thanksgiving for me this year was just another day with no over-fed, slightly drunk fellow guests asking intrusive questions a la “you’re attractive — so why IS it that you never married?” and now there is only the twin horror of plankton Christmas (loaded down with obligations to extended family) and plankton New Year’s on the horizon. One down, two to go….

    Deep breaths.

    • DaisyDee says:

      I have a friend who is several years younger than me. 3 years ago she decided that she wanted marriage and babies. I have suspicions she may have given her long term partner some sort of ultimatum, but anyway he duly proposed.

      I went to the wedding. I was on the ‘friends’ table. 3 couples and me. The couples all left early pleading headaches,babysitters, work the next day and so forth, leaving me on my own feeling like a complete twat. Anyway I circulated the room several times with a half glass of wine and an enigmatic smile on my face wishing the night to be over. The rest of the wedding party were all family and they were in such tight knit groups I couldn’t have forced my way into the circule even if I’d used a crowbar. The only people on the dance floor were the drunk bride and her sister.

      I left and cried all the way home.

      3 years later said friend has a toddler and the husband has no interest in the child. My friend does all the night feeds, trips to the doctors with rashes and earaches and so on. Husband just plays on his computer when he gets home. She has no money to leave him. She cant go out because he cant cope with the baby on his own, and the baby is at the grab everything stage so apparently cant be comfortably allowed anywhere that isn’t robustly childproof.

      This week, although I hate Christmas with a passion, I accompanied a fellow plankton friend to a Christmas fair. We drank champagne, chatted up stallholders and shrieked with laughter telling each other outrageous stories of our love lives in our 20s. | came home on a high.

      Moral of the story – Live in the moment, good sometimes follows the bad, and sometimes the smug marrieds aren’t so smug after all.

    • The Plankton says:

      I am totally with you, MissBates. All the way. Deep breaths indeed. Pxx

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