Hibernation and Prozac
December 31, 2012 § 120 Comments
I have been hibernating.
Other than Christmas Day itself – which was magical, with wonderful, warm and welcoming and generous friends, despite my children being away – my heart rate has slowed. I have been at home, with my books and my duvet. I haven’t wanted actively to walk into the path of a train, but nor have I wished to engage with the world. It feels as though I have been living underwater. Numb and detached.
My ex-husband is getting married today, I think today, not sure, to his pregnant fiancee, in a far off place; our children present. Absent from me.
I am not drinking vodka. No one to drink it with. But I ought to be.
Woman’s Hour had a whole item once about what women can do on the day their ex-husband remarries. Some give parties, apparently.
Not me. This morning, I had cups of coffee with a sprinkling of girlfriends in the cafe and this afternoon I have been doing out my children’s sock and knicker drawers. I was meant to be in the arms of SYT, which would have had an erotic resonance on this, shall we say, pronounced day. Alas, life’s not so neat and tidy. Life veers, more, I find towards shit than joy. This evening, then, supper with beloved Mr and Mrs Standard Bearer. I am taking a bottle of filthy Bailey’s with me which, despite myself, and my rather more sophisticated and lofty notion of who I am, I cannot resist once in a blue bloody moon; plus one of Heston’s figgy puddings with hidden toffee sauce. So I will be with the best of friends, but sad and fat.
Then tomorrow, having taken nothing stronger than a bleeding paracetamol my whole life – oh, the odd line of coke and amphetamine, neither of which did jack shit for me – I am going to take, after weeks of deliberation and visits to my fantastic doctor and chats with my gorgeous, brilliant friend who’s a psychiatrist and whom I trust with my life and my brain, my very first happy pill, namely Fluoxetine.
I’ve done the whole shitty thing all my life, endless, infinite years of fucking shit, and these particular past years, a total virgin, unaided by anything other than the love and support of miraculous family and friends, but the time has come for a bit of added extra.
2013 has got to be different, has got to be better, and if I can get a bit different and a bit better with the aid of the contents of a little white and yellow box, and it ain’t going to change my personality or dull the keening mind (I have done much research and I am assured it will not), then so be it. The rutted pathways need to be re-routed. They ways of seeing and the patterns of believing need to be shifted, even brightened. I am tired. Pessimism is so wearing. New eyes required with which to see the world not in the dull grey of the whites just turfed out of the children’s knicker drawer, but instead with a touch of Dylon or Vanish or whatever chemical product it is which has been developed to tackle the stains.
Happy, Happy New Year to you all.
The Plankton 
I am full of admiration for you. You are a bloody amazing person. All power to you. God knows of course whether things will improve in 2013, but if your mood can be lifted, that surely is a good thing. Suffering is HARD. x
Thank you, Aggie. It’s lovely to hear from you again and Happy 2013 to you too. Btw, can I be very opportunistic and ask you something? You are not going to believe I am going to be asking it. But I heard you on the radio a couple of days ago and I thought, I have a question for Aggie. Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me? Fluffy white bathmat, now greying. An expensive box of “Eliminate greying” pouches from Sainsbury’s. Fuck-all good it’s done. Any ideas? You are quite at liberty to tell me this isn’t the time or place and I should fuck off; quite at liberty…? Pxx
Hell no – delighted to be asked! In my exp, once a whitey turns grey, NOTHING works, really. Product remedies are mostly bollox. Reason you may have the greying bathmat is… perhaps you washed it with coloureds? Or a stray sock got in? Or not enough detergent (I assume you live in the SE, with hard water. You need a LOT of detergent in the wash). Why don’t you just GO MAD, put the mat to a charity shop and order a new one from The White Company sale? (And of course see above to keep new one sparkly.)
Am in similar, relationship-less state (except ex is not remarrying someone who is pregnant…for a while my greatest fear. That cannot be easy AT ALL). I like to believe there is hope, but sometimes wonder if that really is so. Thank you for continuing to write in such an honest, exposing way. I look fwd to reading about your mood over the next few months… xx
Thank you so much on all fronts! You are so right: time to splash out on a new one, and the money I have saved NOT going away to the US or France or Istanbul or Barcelona (all mooted) means I can probably treat myself to a humble White Company Sale bathmat! I really appreciate your wisdom on the matter. As for my wisdom on the matter of men and relationships etc, I am afraid it is non-existent, but I am glad you are enjoying the blog and hope you have a very happy New Year. Pxx PS. I am planning a personal diary – literally a line a day – carefully to gauge the mood over the next few weeks and months that I am taking prozac. I won’t bore you with that, of course, but will keep you posted generally on how it’s going, if others might find it helpful.
Oh for heaven’s sake , Ms P, life’ s too short and TK Maxx a-beckons .
Can anyone quote the specific law of physics which dictates that the shitty times in life concertina into a larger dump of crap ? A decade ago , I collapsed a business , started another , sold the family house , bought the obligatory bachelor pad , signed off the decree nisi and found out that I was being sued by a former business partner – all in one week . Is it any wonder that mankind turns to ‘ little helpers ‘.
Anyway, here’ s to a better 2013 for one and all. I feel a G&T coming on – my own choice of self medication this evening . After yet another tricky year, I just don’t have the energy to go out and make whoopee.
Thanks, PY. Happy NY. Pxx
How about PY’ s ‘Theory of Related Shitivity’.
Genius , moi?
Fluoxetine is healthier than alcohol. I find it enables me to still the viscious cycle of pessimistic thoughts from the past which can engulf my mind. If it helps, what else matters…Best Wishes for the coming year.
Thank you so much. That is PRECISELY what I wish it to achieve. I am scared about my appointment with it tomorrow morning (though I know it takes days even weeks to settle in) esp as my pshychiatrist friend says it can make one a little nauseous (and I have a phobia about nausea) and make orgasm more elusive (MORE elusive…? Than not even having sex?). ANyway, TMI. It’s a risk I am prepared to take. Pxx
If you feel worse before you feel better, don’t worry. As for orgasm, I am sure you will find someone to play hide and seek with…
Well, we shall see… Pxx
Plankton I used to be the most anti-New-Age person alive but I have found that kundalini yoga– the stretching, breathwork, meditation, and, yes, even chanting– have really helped me. Initially the whole thing made me extremely high, then that wore off, but nine months in I feel deeply relaxed and my autoimmune condition has gone into hiding, no small thing. I just had to turn my cynicism off (while remaining alert to any cultlike tendencies).
I tried Bikhran (spelling?) a few months back. Not for me, alas. Pxx
I’m glad to hear that you are seeking some pharmaceutical relief. I, too, have always been rather adverse to anything stronger than an aspirin, but I gave in and took antidepressants for a couple of years and they got me through a very bleak time. As you rightly note, they will not dull your acuity, and nor are they “happy pills.” In my case, they just helped me “see” my life with greater clarity and distinguish between the genuine challenges and the falsely pessimistic. Reality pills, if you like.
Happy New Year, Plankton. I hope 2013 brings you (and me)….something. I’m not sure what, but something.
Thank you, Miss Bates, that’s helpful. Pxx
Happy New Year P xxx
I started prozac after the death of my Mother, but after 10 years was weaned off of it by my new Wife . It did me no harm, made the shit easier to bear, and I don’t reget a minute of it .
Fear NOT, for WE are with you; even though you walk in the valley of the shadow of past relationships , thy prozac and thy sense of humour will defeat all thine enimies….if not , call in the vodka commandos, they really kick ass .
Let’s get 2012 away and “on y vas” to a new tomorrow .xx
Yo! And to you too, Barry! Thanks. Pxx
There is no justice, and I know where you are with all that (pregnant fiancées and all). Good to see that you’re taking some control.
But remember, it is not you. It is the structural inequality of patriarchy, and the way that the world revolves around masculinity and the life-patterns of the man. Demographically, there are fewer available men than women, and the number of available men is further diminished by the ubiquitous sexism and male privilege with which most men view the world: an entitlement to have everything revolving around them. Your ex-husband is not the one to have to tidy his children’s sock drawers, as he has other women to do that for him. And they do it for love of their children (which he thinks of as ‘his’ I’m sure, given that he takes them away from you at Christmas). And in that vignette, you show us how love makes fools of women.
But onwards and upwards. Gradually, one does come to live life for oneself. We’re not bred to do that, we have to learn. And learning is hard and difficult.
GBS: “Life is not meant to be easy, my child; but take courage — it can be delightful.”
I am a GREAT believer that men have it easier than women, in so many ways, but that’s for another day – or maybe not, once the Fluoxetine kicks in…? Anyway, thanks for this and Happy New Year. Pxx
I’m a great believer in the opposite P!
Perhaps ,as you say, a debate for another day.
I do sympathise with your current circumstances-must be grim. Hope the Prozac works.
When you say the opposite, you mean of hibernation or prozac…??? Hibernation I am guessing? Pxx
“The structural inequality of patriarchy” ” The world revolves around masculinity” “ubiquitous sexism ” “male privilege”.
Wow… are you bitter and full of bile!
As much as a man I hate the red pill/blue bill bullshit from the men’s room across the pond, I have to say this reductive crap winds me up almost as much.
As I would say to the “red pill” merchants , I’ll say to you -if you hate the opposite sex so much, why do you want to be with them??
Dear P.
I wish you the happiest of New Years – and good luck with the SSRI treatment.
Not that you need it, I think.
I believe that you, like most of us other Planktons, feel what you feel, because life somtimes stinks for too long, and Fickle Miss Fate kicks you in the teeth when you are down – but if there is even a slight chance that chemistry might help us cope, then it is a good thing to try it out.
I did it a few years back. It didn´t do anything for me, other than make me sweat a lot. And it didn´t change who I am. So no worries there, I think.
I´m glad I tried. It sort of proved my point, that some us don´t do so well without the intimacy that comes from having a partner in our lives.
That said, I have also met several people who clearly benefitted from the pills, so…..
And again, I wish you the very best of New Years.
Helle
missed a few word: (It sort of proved my point, that some us don´t do so well without the intimacy that comes from having a partner in our lives.) …. And for some of us drugs, legal or otherwise, don´t, alas, make that any easier to bear.
Thank you, Helle. I am not expecting miracles, just a little help from a small little round (or is it oval? I haven’t yet opened the packet) “friend”. I’ll keep you posted as to how it goes. Pxx
One of my sweetest and oldest friends (another at the time Single-Mum/Plankton) started on a course of SSRI after having been semi-depressed, then depressed for years and in the end so depressed that she refused to get out of bed for weeks because life was too f…… hard and lonely.
2 lovely children and a few really good friends couldn´t shift her feeling that life sucked mega big time.
Because of the pills she was able to “pick herself up” and get out of bed.
She stayed on the pills and gradually found the courage to venture out into the bigger world again.
She then met and married the sweetest man.
They met at a health farm (for want of a better word) they both attended in order to lose weight.
Depression, not the pills (!) have caused both of them to put on quite an unhealthy amount of kilos.
They are still hugely overweight and very happy and in love.
I always feel really, really optimistic about the future whenever I meet them.
So for her, the pills really are “happy pills”.
Helle
Nice story. Thanks. Pxx
Dear, Dear Plankton,
I came in just now from waving my youngest off to his London New Year celebrations and found, to my great dismay, your post. How I feel what you are going through. Beastly, beastly, rotten, SHITTY – all those and more besides. And, if I understand properly, your children will have been away in that far off place over Christmas and now New Year (and new marriage) with their father. Very perplexing and unsettling for them, and agonising for you. But bully for you not to have dived into a bottle (or worse) as a consequence. And thank goodness for the Standard Bearers, who I trust will be giving you many metaphorical and actual hugs this evening. (But do go easy on the Bailey’s – I am reliably informed that it takes the varnish off wood!) That comment was not meant to be flippant – just hoping to raise a small smile……
I am glad for you that you have sought and received some help with all this pain in the form of anti-depressants – nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of. Quite the opposite if they help even a little to make you feel brighter and more able to cope with the less happy days to come. They will indeed help you to recognise and maximise the better days when they come along, as they surely will. I have a good feeling about 2013 – even though it is beginning for me with the granting of my decree nisi on Wednesday morning. As for your ex-husband, did you ever see “It’s Complicated” with the brilliant Ms Streep – you can amuse yourself by imagining your ex going through all the husband-hell of broken nights, scratchy wife, wailing, sicky smelly babe, and at a time of life when he probably doesn’t relish any of that, silly fool.. I do the same when I think of “Camilla” having to deal with the increasingly grumpy and demanding man to whom I was married for so long, and am trying to think “Good luck to her – I’m well out of that….”
You are an intelligent, gifted, YOUTHFUL woman and have so much going for you, I know, that I cannot see from here but can only guess at. I really hate this expression but here goes anyway – onward and upward – and never let the buggers grind you down. Much joy to you in 2013. X and metaphorical hug too.
All of us are in the gutter but some of us are ( trying in my case very hard. . . ) looking at the stars.
Thanks to Oscar Wilde.
And thanks to you dear Plankton for letting me know I am not alone. . .
I have been where you are, the agony and the nostalgia but……hey! Lets all raise a glass of whatever or chemical help of whatever to wish all of us here a hopeful and happy new year!
Thanks for bringing us together Plankton – I am not alone!
Thanks P, think what you saying resonates with us all, ive not written on here much lately, ive had quite a few down moments to when it doesent seem as if anything will change, and this will be my life, Hard to accept i agree, i have considered anti depressants myself, but my divorced neighbout went on them for a while, then tried to come off and couldnt cope without them Another friend who was on them once said made her feel totally numb, so i decided no, not for me, but give em a go, we are all different. Presumably your ex is marrying a younger woman, and there we have one of the problems do we not, men always seem to go for someone younger second time arround, cause they damm well can i suppose.,
Like you havent done much this period, spent christmas day with the friend who dreads being a plankton,, her partner, his teenage daughters and his mother and her partner, it was fine, i enjoyed it, was better than being alone.Cant say im sorry Christmas over, and spring hopefully isnt far away, typing this looking at daffodills i bought recently an uplifting sight.
Lets hope 2013 better for us all, i do remember saying that last year, but hope springs eternal.Enjoy tonight, The friends, i and the friend i spent christmas day with normally go to new years eve , have had invite to 40th birthday, so ill be at home by myself, Could go the social group i belong to dos i suppose, there seem to be several but i dont know anyone that well and have no desire to kiss strangers at midnight! .
Bless you Ms P, and also Kate and Jill for such forthright posts.
Nothing wrong with taking an antidepressant, especially for those of us who don’t normally subscribe to the concept of a ‘pill for every ill’. St John’s Wort works for me, but as individuals it is important to be allowed the freedom to assess out own needs.
Happy New Year, everyone. May it be prosperous, happy, and most of all, fulfilling!
Oh Ms P, sending the biggest squeeziest hug and all good wishes for a better and brighter 2013, SYT or not xx
LBB x
PS. Still talking to my YT but no sign of a date yet, playing the long game 😉
It’s obvious you’ve been on sabbatical leave here- One of my comments from “Intimacy” has been awaiting moderation since Dec. 20th- Don’t bother to approve it now, it’s out- of- date by now, the predictions were wrong, the world did NOT end 10 days ago (obviously)….
On a more serious note, Ms. Plankton, you’re quite obviously a bibliophile- Can I recommend to you “Coming of Age on Zoloft: How Antidepressants Cheered Us Up, Let Us Down, and Changed Who We Are” by Katherine Sharpe (Harper Perennial, 2012)- I’m presently reading this one right now, it’s one of the newest in a growing number of books which warn about the dangers or relying too heavily on inflated expectations about anti- depressants… Just because a doctor tells you “this will make you feel better,” does not really necessarily mean that a certain pill or combination of pills will actually do something positive for you… Yes, these medications can sometimes do a lot of good things, under certain specific circumstances, but often these are becoming the present day equivalent of the men in traveling carriages 100 years ago who were selling snake oil, which they’d promised was “good for whatever ails ya” and in reality was nothing more than codeine or morphine dissolved into a dilute solution of carbonated water, ethyl alcohol, sugar and colorings…. made you feel better for a few hours, but in reality did nothing else at all….
2013 new year – new opportunities! even for us planktons
Ive been balling my eyes out sitting at home forgotten by friend who invited me to party at new place but guess new girlfriend vetoed inviting single attractive women. …tge usual. New love interest playing happy families with soon to be ex wife…is there any love left in this country?!?
Not in my postcode. Best of luck and Happy New Year despite the disappointing beginning… Pxx
Dear P
What a day! Not sure what to say. Perhaps the pills will help. Research seems to show that they should be combined with behavioural therapy. I resorted to counseling but avoided pills. Has helped with the depression that I was in after the ex left. I would suggest some couseling in combination with the pills. Even though you have loads of friends and they are very helpful it is really good to be able to discuss things with someone outside the situation.
Best wishes for all of us in the New Year. I am spending the night on my own, finally back in my nice quiet house in soggy England after having been visiting family for over three weeks in the states. I love them all but watching my sisters and their husbands I think I am pretty happy to be on my own.
Hugs.
Virtual hugs to you too, Joules, and thanks. Pxx
Dear P,
Agree with Joules re counselling. I tried both and although pills helped I eventually weaned myself off them when I started to feel as if I couldn’t think my way out of a brown paper bag! Counselling is non-judgmental (self-pity not allowed) and will give you strategies to deploy whenever life gets you down.
I have followed you in The Times with interest (and appreciation), and your honest reporting has made me look at my own behaviour with a more cynical and informed eye. After a long and unhappy marriage I hit my fifties with two children in their early teens and elderly / ill close family members requiring support, in addition to a highly demanding job. After several years of family bereavements, illness and finally my redundancy notice I asked my ex to leave and secured my decree nisi this year. He re-marries next summer.
I considered seeking out a new partner but the realisation that I was obsessing over what every male I met wore on the 4th finger of their left hand made me decide to wait. Earlier this year I felt ready and joined online dating and a singles club and your column has made it easier to accept my experiences. These include sudden flurries of interest then nothing more despite the fact that I have been neither overly pushy nor overly reticent; there have been heartfelt promises of phone calls to arrange lunch dates but subsequently nothing other than a deafening silence.
Thanks to your honesty in describing your experiences I am philosophical about these encounters and instead of focussing on what could have been, am working on accepting that in the future it may well be only me and my dog. My children have their own lives and anyone else I encounter must be a bonus, but not a necessity as I must learn to be content in my own company.
We all need ‘grit’ or resilience to get us through times like this and although you probably can’t see it at the moment you obviously have it in spade-loads so don’t despair, think of your supportive followers and take heart from the knowledge that one day you will, like me, look back and realise how far you have travelled along the road from the dark place you once inhabited.
Wishing you and you followers both Contentment and Happiness for 2013.
Thank you, Alia, very much indeed for this thoughtful comment. Happy New Year to you too. Pxx
Dear Plankton,
I love your blog. But be careful with the fluoxetine. The side effects can be nasty. Most importantly, it can stop working after awhile. I think a psychologist called Lauren Slater wrote about this.
I took it for 20 years. I am American, and almost everyone I know is on one antidepressant or another. There is so much pressure to be Cheerful and Positive.
Anyway, Happy New Year from New York City, where planktonhood is alive and well (we have many more single women than men).
Thanks, Nergler. I’m delighted you enjoy (my now rather intermittent) blog. In fact, someone told me that the people who benefit from Fluoxetine most only take it for a relatively short while (ie. 6-12 months). I am planning on 6, which my doctor says should be the minimum, but let’s see how we go. happy NY to you too. Pxx
Happy New Year The Plankton,
Love your blogs – you are fabulous…
Happy New Year 2013 …
🙂
Sent from my iPhone
Well, thank you very much! Much appreciated. Happy New Year to you too! Pxx
Exactly the same thing happened to me. My ex-husband; new girlfriend pregnant; him hurrying the divorce through; a letter to me from the bishop stating that they were to be married in the cathedral and that my marriage was deemed to be invalid in the eyes of the catholic church, and that if I had anything to say about this could I please say it now, but this letter was purely for my information(!); my children and some of my friends attending the wedding, and having a great time ………
Difficult. But I got through it with good friends and time has been the essence of making things easier.
Three years later ……. We have combined Christmases. We get on reasonably well. I genuinely quite like his new wife. He hasn’t changed a bit. There is no major transformation of his character into a mellowed, cheerful, kind, thoughtful and considerate person. (Now that WOULD have been difficult). She is dealing with him now.
We just didn’t make it. Maybe they can.
Plankton, I wish this outcome for you.
xxx
Thanks, Lizzie. In fact, I am very fortunate in as much as I am very fond of my ex-husband and still like him despite everything and 99.9% of the time we get on a treat. One of the many blessings I am so frequently exhorted to spend so much time counting! Pxx
Life is hard, take all the help you can get I say. I’ve had my share of different antidepressants in my time and while they really didn’t seem to do anything for me, for me that doesn’t mean they wont for you. On the bright side I never suffered any negative side effects from them either. Essentially, while they may or may not help, they certainly wont do you any harm, so when there is nothing to lose and the possibility of a gain to be had, go for it.
Like Maggie, I remain grateful that you have giving us this place where we can feel we are not alone. As June said, your posts resonate with us, and we love you for that. So many of your expressions have me thinking “omg I thought I was the only one who thought that”.
The one from the other day where you look at young people, “with all their hopes and dreams, and think what poor, deluded creatures they be” is spot on. I do that all the time. Which is probably something of a taboo thing to be thinking when we are supposed to be, as Nergler said, all Cheerful and Positive. (Nothing much gets me feeling more homicidal than someone who is all Cheerful and Positive. Send one of PY’s Theories of Related Shitivity episodes to these people, please.)
Best wishes Plankton, may you get happiness and joy and love in 2013. You give so much happiness to your online fans, surely you deserve some in return. Best wishes to all those who contribute to making this place one we can feel “not alone” in, too.
Wow, MissM, thank you. That’s really lovely and has given me a definite lift on this day when I am completely alone, seeing no one and fasting (after my fat night out last night!). Thank you again and all the very best for 2013 to you. Pxx
Mmm – double XX ‘s all round . Does this mean your ‘little helpers’ have kicked in already ?
I always do double xxs! But make of them what you will. Pxx
Haven’t posted for awhile but have still been following 🙂
A sincere Happy New Year, P – I am all for a bit of ‘assistance’ for 2013 in that respect.
So – good for you re the happy pills…I can highly recommend them.
The one time I was prescribed them they did wonders for me….got me through a grisly period that followed the prolonged stress of both parents ailing ( dementia & cancer), one then dying, the other needing to be found a dementia care home and then the long term partner who I was living with choosing this time to embark on an affair with a ‘friend’ who he subsequently ran off with.
This is not a sob story btw – but just to say that even this regular pollyanna keeled over under the weight of all that. ( The down side of being an ‘only child’ is that there is no one else to help). Thank God for my doctor telling me that she wasn’t at all surprised that I was depressed and prescribing me Seroxat .
She suggested a period of 12 months -with the last 3 months slowly reducing the dose..right down to cutting them in halves and then quarters as I came off them. She monitored me closely too and promised I wouldn’t be on them any longer than she felt was useful.
I likened it to floating happily above a pink cloud. I was totally in charge of my faculties but life seemed easier to deal with. When I looked down below the cloud I could see all the crap in my life lurking but if I had to dip down and deal with any of it, I was able to do so without the attendant head screwing emotions. I honestly believe they saved my sanity. They helped me when I had to find somewhere to live and to deal with job redundancy a few months later.
I resolved to be quite open about my prescription, at work and socially, which, interestingly, prompted others to come and talk to me about the anti-d’s they were taking. (There were many people who wanted to talk who had felt unable to until I started up my evangelism!).
My view is – your head ‘hurts’ -you take something to help it. No different to taking any other medication for any number of conditions.
And after all, people ‘self medicate’ all the time – alcohol, drugs, food…..at least this way it can be prescribed, regulated and monitored.
I’m all for it ! Good for you 🙂 May 2013 bring happier times for you x
Thank you for this. I am only on Day 3 and last night my heart was racing like a wild thing, but I think that was because I had two cups of coffee yesterday, the second one rather strong and late in the day, so didn’t sleep an ounce. But thanks for the encouragement and reassurance. Onwards and upwards. Pxx
P, I was on Setraline for 9 months after an horrific break-up. It isn’t a sign of weakness to take happy pills, quite the opposite; you’ve had the strength to get help. I found that they gave me the motivation to get out of bed (I got to the stage where I didn’t want to wake up in the morning) and they do help. I can’t say counselling assisted me but then again my counsellor wasn’t very bright or helpful.
Long term I did feel rather numb and weaned myself of them but short term they help. They do take a while to work. Oh and as to nausea apples and ginger stop you feeling sick. I really hope things pick up for you and thank you for being brave enough to admit to taking the pills. Depression can still be frowned upon.
Ps- very cheeky but welcome back Miss M!! I was wondering what had happened to you and thought maybe you’d gotten hitched and left the plankton pool. I’ve missed your posts.
Thank you, Ms haversham to be, your welcome is appreciated. What a lovely thought, me getting hitched, but, no, I have resigned myself to going to the grave a spinster. It hurts, I don’t like it one bit, but such is life. I am practicing acceptance. If I keep practicing, I might get it right one day. Sometimes I just settle for being grumpy, just not in front of others.
I used to think everyone wanted to love and be loved in return. My mistake. Some people really don’t give a rat’s.
Men seem to be wired differently. Some do want to find a woman who is their equal, to love, and be loved by, but not even the majority of men feel this way it seems. I’ve read what some have had to say here, and elsewhere, and clearly there are some men who think love something akin to a joke. So when you remove those men who prefer younger women, and then also take out the men who aren’t interested in love and intimacy at all, you have the answer to why women my age feel there are no men.
Not being interested in finding a partner to love makes no sense to me, but I can’t argue with reality. Some women are like that too, but it seems to be much more common among the male of the species. Hence why it is mostly women who lament the lack of someone to share their life with. Whether it is genetics or hormones, I don’t know.
People say that you make your own luck, but really all you can do is create the opportunities for luck to do its thing. You can by the lottery ticket, but you cannot ensure you buy the winning one. You cannot stop good luck from ignoring you. I simply no longer have the energy to try and get Lady Luck’s attention. Maybe she will decide to smile on you instead.
Haha. Gosh no, I’ve long since given up but as with you it’s a case of practicing acceptance. Some days that’s easier than others. Mind you, having seen what’s out there I’m increasingly thinking I’m better off.
I have to agree with your reasoning as to one of the reasons there are so few decent men out there. Sigh. Even a good friend of mine who’s my age (33) is dating a 23 year old (where do you start with that?!).
I was going to suggest some Sophocles to put a different spin on it all but as ever I keep coming back to Monty Python’s ‘always look on the bright side of life’ for its humour.
Besides, look what Lady Luck put my way last time… Shudder
Thanks for this. Pxx
Well done P. You are depressed. Not a ‘bit low’ but really depressed. I have in the past had to take anti-d’s (Citalopram) to help me haul myself out of a seriously black hole, after a long period of relentless loss and grief. Note that I say ‘to help me haul myself….’
They took the edge off the black dog so that I could find some strength to claw my way back…No doubt about it.
There is no shame or weakness in it. Rather, it takes courage to say that you need a little help…
The best of 2013 to you all. Happy New Year.
P.S. Still hanging in with ‘The Artist’…..Woop de doop.
Woop de doop indeed and Happy New Year to you too! Pxx
The problem has always been the balance of chemicals in your brain, not your external circumstances. Most of my family are psychiatrists.
However you can if you are not desperate rebalance those chemicals in other ways by not drinking, by getting outside the fresh air, by eating 2 balances meals a day and no toffee etc. Really really drink and toffee puddings is going to really mess up your mental health as is being inside. It is no surprise I was happy at Christmas because we were in the Alps skiing – outside all day, snow and sun
There has been a massive increase in depression since people stopped eating well, stopped moving and stopped being outside. It exactly correlates with how we now live our lives and since we moved to eating badly and living like this.
Anyway i’m sorry and I hope the pills get you over the worst but try also therapy – my famly of psychiatrists all agree that drugs from the GP are nothing like as successful as combining them with very regular therapy as well (and I would add my suggestions of a change of diet, exercise etc as well – and drink loads of water and only water ever). I have solutions, not sympathy so people think I am male; weird.
Why did he get her pregnant before marriage? That’s rather non U isn’t it? Did she trap him into marriage? May be it’s not his – get a secret DNA sample as a fun project and test it out in due course. Has he got a prenup with her and if not the children’s inheritance will be at risk. Get them to talk to him about his will. Or may be yours are not on the ball to these things like mine.
I continue to wake up every day delighted my ex husband is not here – makes every day a red letter day, lucky me. If this can continue all my life that will be fine. Just had to cancel a call later in the week to a man because I’m seeing another one that night. Nice voice but I seemed to get down almost to forensic accountancy on his means for some reason on the call… laughing and there isn;t a huge lot there and of course he was foolish enough to tolerate a housewife. She seems to have remortgaged and spent hundreds of thousands of the only asset they have which he gave her without having the details finalised by the court. Gosh some people are so stupid. So now they will be dividing everything when there is little left so he’ll have to keep her in utter idleness for life. These men marry lower earners and housewives at their peril and pay the price for it later.
“Non U” – have I slipped through time and space into Nancy Mitford’s novel from the 50s? 🙂
Lydia. I had long resolved not to respond to your glaringly deliberate attempts to be provocative, then to sit back and savour the response(s).
You are so OBVIOUS. (As well as nauseatingly repetitive with your content. Heard it all before…yawn..).
So glad your not eating toffee puddings has assisted your mental health.
Did you stuff it up your jacksy by any chance? If not, please allow me to do it for you.
Thanks.
I don’t know. I’m quite intrigued by the person behind “Lydia” and was pleased when English Rose appeared with a slightly different take on things, then disapointed when her cover was blown prematurely and she had to leave before her new character had the chance to fully develop.
I used to be intrigued. But now…
Actually. D’you know what? I’m not going to start 2013 like this.
Lydia, here’s to even more success to you in 2013 with your oceans of panting men. Your children’s DNA fun with their father, your sojourns ski-ing happily or on your island, your constant batting away of fawning suitors etc etc..
Happy New Year to everyone. Yes. You too Lydia.
Happy new year Lydia, I hope you and your family enjoyed the skiing.
Did you meet any wealthy bankers this year like you did last time? 😀
Hi Lydia. As someone who eats a very clean diet, no alcohol, daily exercise, fresh air, yoga, etc…which I agree is very important and necessary for mental health, I have to disagree that that is all that is needed. Someone can be living perfectly but missing intimacy, companionship and affection and still feel bad because these are things we need, no matter how healthy our lifestyles are.
I have a book on it. Sometimes it’s only chemical and other times it is circumstantial with your sould missing something very important. Both need to be addressed for true mental health.
I can’t see the last paragraph I just typed. I hope it came out ok.
Dear P
I wish you all the best with the meds. After a long period of resistance (and a ‘final straw’ episode towards the end of 2012) I decided to take up this option too and so far it has been helpful. Left untreated, depression can be a dangerous thing and I’ve changed my views about struggling on unaided. If Prozac doesn’t work for you, there will be another anti-depressant that does.
Thank you. Good to know! Pxx
Happy New Year Plankton, I hope it’s a good one for you. Good luck with the Prozac and remember that in 6 months time it will be brighter, you will be feeling better and your ex-husband will be up to his neck in dirty nappies, projectile vomiting, colic, round the clock feeds and sleepless nights.
The things men are willing to go through to reaffirm their virility!
You on the other hand, will be free to do whatever you want this summer. Hopefully you will be feeling much better too. Have a great 2013.
Thanks, Elle, and you too! Pxx
Well, Plankton, I think you’re abfab and kudos to you for having the sense to try chemical help when necessary. As someone else has similarly commented, it’s really no different to taking any other “supplement” when things are out of kilter. I think even just knowing you’re doing something to help yourself will give you an extra boost.
One of the hardest things about an ex getting married/partnered up/de facto or whatever, is that THEY seem to have found happiness and we haven’t (so far!) Whilst we might wish them well (and it may be a very genuine wish), it also highlights that we are not in the same position and that’s hard to take. And sure, your ex may not find it’s all beer and skittles with a new baby and so on, but there will still be that intimacy there that we, as single people, are still hoping to find.
You are right, P, when you say that pessimism is so wearing. Hopefully by sharing what you feel with so many of us, it may help spread the load even just a little. I do so hope so.
In his great book ICABBIB. Greg Behrendt says “Alone also means available for someone outstanding”. Here’s hoping 2013 is TRULY outstanding for you – and for us all – in every possible way.
I agree. Happy 2013 to you, and thanks. Pxx
Happy new year and thank you, P for such an honest and beautifully well written & heartfelt post.
In a way it is a pity that you still like and respect and get on with your ex-husband isn’t it? It might be easier if you felt nothing or at least disliked him. Oh well …It seems to me (what do I know?) that you may still love your ex husband
Depression is a serious thing. . So really, you are suffering from a sort of major post-traumatic stress disorder based episode that has come from the car crash-like realisation that your life, as planned, is no longer the life in front of you.
My only comment on the Fluoxetine is that it will only allow you to cope and it will not solve your problems without accompanying talk therapy. It will dull the sadness – although be careful and monitor the effects carefully as not all SSRIs have the same level of effectiveness for all patients.
If you find yourself feeling ill or shaking then switch anti-depressants. I am sure your friend will monitor you well. A great SHORT-TERM treatment option.
Just an idea here – to discuss with your psychiatrist friend – if you find yourself unable to think about anything else other than your enforced loneliness and plankton like state it may be that you are actually stuck in a thought-loop. Not a scientific term that, but you may been showing some signs of having obsessive thoughts about your situation (a common trait among writers). Recent research has shown that an anti-anxiety drug like Xanax can be more effective than an anti-depressant in such circumstances for some people as the drug works quickly on the Amygdala, which is the part of the brain most closely tied to our emotions. The benefit of that drug is that it works almost instantly, usually without too many (or any sexual) side-effects.
In any case, my advice is that you MUST get some counselling too, Ms P as once your emotional substructure is less in pain you will be able to deal with the past and both conceive of and plan a (better and happy) future. Why not consider Logotherapy? It might appeal to you.
What a bloody complicated mess our emotions and relationships create, eh?
I wish you all the success. It is wonderful that you have realised that you are depressed (no shame at all there) and it takes courage to write about it so honestly and publicly. Maybe the blog can now be about your move towards a new happiness. I am sure, in time it will be. You are an inspiration to all of us!
Wow, thank you for all the information and the encouragement and compliments. Lovely to hear. Happy New Year. Pxx
Absolutely agree about the abundance of men who are “closed” to love. They sneer at it referring to men who succumb as “white knights”. Who in their right mind would not want to be loved body and soul for who they are and to be granted human dignity? I have recently met a man who is so unspoilt in this regard it is refreshing. Too simple? A mug? I think not.
This was meant to be a reply to MissM
To not understand people who want something you yourself have no interest in is one thing, but to sneer at them for it is just plain wrong. People have different goals in life, and I fail to see how anyone’s personal goal is something anyone else has a right to sneer at. But you are right, it happens.
Congratulations on finding someone who somehow remains unspoilt. Every now and then Lady Luck does bestow some good fortune on someone. Best wishes to you.
Not wanting to be loved body and soul for who you are is akin to not liking chocolate. But apparently there are people who don’t like chocolate either. Mind boggling, I know.
Eh? And where did you meet this man? Pxx
I met him cycling! Had given up and was starting to embrace single life and single parenting and all the autonomy i have. But one goal was to widen my circle of friends so I joined a few meetup groups. One such group was a non threatening bike riding group that head out on crappy mountain bikes and assorted non lycra clothing. They were delightful. We stopped for coffee at an art gallery near a river. This fit, tall, employed, and relatively unencumbered man earns as much as i do as a professional and he is a tradesman. So far he seems to be besotted. It is bizarre like the wholly happy ending of the vicar of dibley
Wow! What a result. Delighted for you! Pxx
A “white knight” is someone who puts women’s needs above their own or other men’s, like felllows who won’t lift a finger to help their mates but will drop everything to assist a woman in the hopes that he garners some sort of brownie points.
I find a certain irony in the plight of women who believe that many men are “closed” to love yet readily aknowledge that there’s a sea of men out there who simply aren’t good enough to show interest in (after all, one must have a minimal set of standards), yet are blind to the fact that this is perhaps how they themselves are viewed by the men who they actually might be interested in.
I’ll quote you Malcom, if I may, as an example of what a person says in order to sound, if not directly “closed” to love, of at least not being interested: “I ended up going 5 years without a hint of intimacy, and it didn’t bother me in the slightest, and were I to discover that there was no more intimacy in store for me ever again, I’m not sure I would be all that perturbed by the notion.”
To me a person who wants love would be more than perturbed that they may never being able to experience intimacy at all ever again. That is the difference as I see it. If there is anything in life about which I have a ‘take it or leave it’ attitude, then that is something about which I am not ‘closed’ to, but I sure as heck feel a lack of interest in.
So while it is probably entirely true some men are just not interested in ‘us’ specifically, some really are just not interested ‘at all’, because apparently, as you yourself said “There are so many other things in life that are more satisfying … than female companionship and intimacy.” That is not the comment of someone indicating an individual woman doesn’t meet his standards, that comment clearly states ‘all’ women are less satisfying than “other things”. You are definitely not the only male to feel this way.
Nice for you, to have more satisfying things to do, and the abundant other men who feel the same way. We women still need to subtract the men like you from the pool of ‘available’ men for us. When the store is closed, it is closed, and it doesn’t really particularly matter just why the proprietor is not in.
Whether “white knight” is the correct terminology or not, it is true that amongst men should one man choose, as an example, to spend an evening in the company of his wife rather than that of his male buddies, he is likely to be laughed at, derided, told he is pussy-whipped etc by those male friends. The real irony is that in Australia, which is still quite homophobic, it is not seen as appropriate for men to be too interested in women. Well, for anything other than a quick root, of course. There seems to be very little respect given to men who treat women as valid, interesting and equal human beings.
Maybe they are thinking: “if he treats his woman so well then mine is going to start wanting me to treat her well, better stamp out this rot before it takes hold”. Otherwise, I cannot for the life of me see why it is anyone else’s business.
MissM, I applaud you. What an excellent post – fair and reasonable, as well as being intelligent and well-reasoned. Wherever you are, you have a fan in Hampshire (UK). ( I put that because I have just found out that there is a Dorset in Canada! I knew that they had a London, but how many other of our place names have they pinched?)
And, for what it’s worth, I consider a “white knight” to be someone who puts the needs of OTHERS above his own, not just “womens'”….
It is a clever response but I’m not sure that it addresses Malcolm’s main point (that while women have ‘standards’ that we expect men to meet in order for us to be interested in them, we would prefer not to think that men have those standards too, and that we fail to meet them). That Malcolm isn’t actively looking for “intimacy” (whatever that means) doesn’t mean he is “closed to love” (whatever that means), and doesn’t invalidate his comment.
Or rather it may or may not mean he is “closed”, but is that relevant to the standards question?
My point indeed is that for those who are ‘closed’ to love, the idea of standards irrelevant. Having standards is not something that makes anyone, male or female, closed to love. Obviously, someone could be interested in love without being interested in you or I, because you or I don’t have what they are looking for in a partner. But those are not people who are ‘closed to love’. A person who is closed to love is not interested in anyone, no matter who they are, because intimacy and companionship in and of itself is not as satisfying as the “other things” they would rather do in life.
That first sentence should read “the idea of standards is irrelevant”. That’s what I get for posting after midnight.
Also, thank you Jill, for your complementary comment, you are very kind to have made it.
Hi MissM. I think we might be talking at cross purposes. You (if I understand you right and I may not ) are saying that standards are irrelevant if you are “closed”. Malcolm (if I understand him right) is saying that women are possibly confusing their failure to meet men’s standards with men being “closed”.
Yes Fi you read that exactly right, and I interpreted Malcom’s comment the same way as you did. In my long winded way I was trying to say that I believe women are not confusing our personal failure to meet some men’s standards as meaning those men are closed to love. We call someone out as being closed to love as a result of other indications, and I was able to use Malcom’s own quotes as illustrations of what those indicators sometimes are.
Ye-e-s. But I think both positions are accurate. Although to be honest I think very few men turn down opportunities unless its an opportunity with a woman they don’t want.
Thanks Fi, that’s what I was getting at. It’s men’s fault for being uninteresting paunchy trogolodytes and not being worthy of interest, and again, it’s men’s fault for not showing interest in women and a variety of reasons focusing on the faulty nature of men’s emotional states are given for this.
In all my years I have never seen a man being ridiculed for wanting to spend an evening home with the wife. It might happen now and then, but it’s not the way men behave in general. Too many people use examples of the worst behaviour in men and conflate that with the behaviour of men in general. It’s like me reading an article about one of those incidents where a woman chops off a man’s penis and concluding that women in general love nothing better than chopping men’s penises (peni?) off, and that women love nothing more than inflicting pain on men. It’s ridiculous, and if I were to walk around believing that the worst behaviour that women exhibit is the natural behaviour of a large percentage of women, then I probably wouldn’t expect to have a very succesful romantic life.
There are a number of attractive women with pleasing personalities that are walking around, and I am certainly not “closed off” to the possibilities of stumbling across love one of these days. Until that day arrives I don’t see the point of becoming a male version of a plankton and obsessing about my love life. That would be a waste of a lot of time and energy that I could be throwing into other activities. Things tend to fall into place when balance is achieved, and if they don’t fall into place in a romantic sense, then they just don’t. Trying to force the issue won’t help, and I’m certainly not going to spend my days with someone who isn’t pleasing to me, and I’m not willing to go through a slew of short term relationships and the slew of make-ups and emotionally draining break-ups that would doubtlessly happen.
Malcolm I think it’s nice to hear something like this. Too often women tell each other that men will indiscriminately chase any woman (as long as she’s young) and it is women who have standards, that men are ‘snatched up’ by faster women as soon as they ‘come on the market’ because men are incapable of surviving without a woman, and that men are completely lacking in any sort of emotional intelligence or self awareness. I think your post proves all of the above generalising statements about men are wrong.
MissM for noting i am also in Australia.
Oh and Malcolm, I forgot to say that I agree with what you say too.
Hope you are now in the arms of yr twinkle and yellow pills kicking in.,start the New Year as you mean to go on.,sorting things out, including the sock and knicker drawer – essential. Read my blog. Am shedding things left right and centre. It doesn’t hurt. V. Liberating. Happy New Year.. Time to write yr big novel. Everyone has one in there. I’m going to. Why not? Xxxx
Why not indeed! Thanks. Pxx
P. As others have said, don’t be afraid to switch if the fluoxetine doesn’t quite work for you. It did not agree with me (not just the accompanying lowered libido. Not that that mattered at the time mind you…!)
I changed to Citalopram which was a truly fantastic help. Don’t want to giddy you with options, as I know there have been other suggestions here. But it did the trick for me and allowed me to lift my head out of the debilitating part of the depression and to go from strength to strength.
I look back at it now with absolute gratitude.
Well done P. Go girl.
Going! Thanks. Pxx
One other thing. James B. I usually really like your comments here.
So erudite, articulate and full of sense. But I must disagree with you that the fact that P still likes, respects and gets on with her ex-husband is ‘ a pity.’
I am the same as P. And I must say that (after a long hard road) I am the same as she and glad of it. Not only for myself but also for our child. Not at each other’s throats or full of bile and negative comments. But a hard won path to feeling more friendly (as we did at the beginning after all) and wanting the best for her. It is rare, it has not been easy and in no way condones pain, suffering or ill-conceived behaviour, but getting to that place has been a positive thing for me (and my daughter). It can only be positive and in no way negative. Nor ‘a pity.’
For all your (and my) pain along the way, well done P.
Yes I get on well with mine too. I do think it’s important for kids that they don’t hear their parents being negative about each other. Even when you hate each other 🙂
Thank you and ditto to you. Pxx
Having said that. I can well understand the feelings engendered by those who have not got to that place. Nor do I blame anyone if they have not. We (and our circumstances) are all so very different and it is bloody hard. x
Yes it is bloody hard. It has taken me 5 years altogether (3 years since my ex remarried) and the road has been a long hard slog of dispersing all those negative feelings of hurt, resentment, and pain to the core. It is a very difficult process to boot all those residual feelings (aka baggage) out of the window and eventually feel good-will towards the perpetrator of those very feelings.
But it needs to be done, to finally feel free and truly content with life. It’s funny how the end result is a feeling of friendship and respect (and an ownership of everything I did to contribute to an unsuccessful marriage).
If anyone finds it impossible to do this (over however long a period of time) I feel for you and my heart goes out to you. I never had to resort to pills, but on the other hand I still wonder to this day whether I should have done, or even whether I may still need to one day.
Happy New Year to all planktons out there, and thank you Plankton for uniting us in a collective empathy xx
A pleasure, Lizzie. Thank you. Pxx
Yes, fair points. I really just meant that in this case, for P, because she still might feel something for her former husband, that it makes the depth of pain worse, especially when an event such as this happens. On the whole, I wholeheartedly agree that getting on with an ex is much better for everyone involved, especially the children. In the long run for both partners. If we don’t feel emotional pain, we are dead inside. Give me the pain option any day.
Hi James B.
I don’t think this ‘makes the depth of pain worse’ or something different makes it ‘better.’ Even if someone can’t stand their ex, a situation like this may not make the depth of pain felt, any less.
Sorry James B. That sounded more hostile than was meant.
Basically I think it can be equally painful, whatever feelings one has for an ex-partner.
Hi Jo – that did not sound hostile at all! I think this blog creates a good forum for debate and learning among us all and that we can all benefit from different viewpoints. I completely accept and agree with your point by the way.
I think my comments may have come across as more generalised (and smug?) than I meant them to be. I felt that in this instance, that P was more vulnerable to emotional pain (in my opinion) than she might have been if she had no feelings or regrets about the break-up. But I might well be wrong.
Anyway – more importantly – good luck P and I hope your road to recovery is swift, strong and happy. Please keep writing the blog too if you can. Your talent and humanity shines through and this, for me, is the most interesting blog on the Net!
Thank you very much! That is great to hear. Pxx
Remember that this is one day…that in time the pain will diminish. It has to. That is the way it works. Also, although we know you really want an intimate relationship, remember how blessed you are with children, good friends and a supportive family. Many do not have that and would love to be in your shoes for that.
Point taken. Pxx
Gosh, Malcolm, have you any idea how contemptuous your comments are? I’ve no idea of your current relationship status but if you’re in one you could always put yourself out of your own misery and leave, seeing as female company is so odious to you. And if you’re not, you might want to give some poor, unsuspecting woman who is open to the idea of love and intimacy a wide berth.
Happy new year, P, (and everyone else), hope the pills are kicking in. And nice to hear from MissM, was wondering what had happened to you as well!
Ah Rosie, you must be a real peach to be around, your dance card must be full. Any woman who can blithely state;
“I hate to say it, James, but in my experience it’s the 80 per cent who are the ‘suspect’ ones. A decent bloke who you fancy as well is as rare as hens’ teeth at this stage in life, if not all the stages that have gone before!”
And then rebuke another woman for including her in a generalization;
‘”Oh, for goodness’ sake, Jennie, get a grip. If you took a moment to actually read what I said you would know that’s not what I meant at all. And please don’t include me in your sweeping generalisations about sweeping generalisations.”
must really possess the self awareness, sense of fairness, balanced attitude about life, an humour that most men are looking for. Of course, it’s the men’s fault for not sitting at home anguishing about why such a woman displays no interest in them.
When there are so many brittle women who think nothing of insulting men and holding negative views while at the same time displaying hypersensitivity about what’s said about women and impuning malice in innocuous words, is it any wonder why sensible men are very circumspect in their relations to women? Is it any wonder that men are finding other things to fill their lives with while they spend a lot longer vetting potential mates for bad attitudes that might eventually emerge after a while?
People are not suits or accesories. I don’t want to take the view that I have a set of requirements that have to be met and check every possible woman out to see if they meet those requirements, and then engage those who might be likely candidates. I also don’t want to end up with someone who has selected me like I’m a job applicant who fit the bill.I have no idea about the type of woman I might be interested in, but I’m positive that one day I’ll see her and then things will happen. There are so many positive, intelligent and humourous women around with attitudes so very unlike yours, that it’s bound to happen, it will click in one day. Until then, I’ll just keep busy with a number of other satisfying things in my life now that I have recovered mentally and financially from being put through the last grinder.
How do you expect to meet a man when you obviously despise most of them and think they are inferior creatures with malicious hearts. Most men are normal people just trying to get by. I apologise on behalf of all men for our inferiority.
Malcolm,
Greetings.
I would love to meet Rosie. In my imagination she is bright as bright can be but has a chip on both shoulders, tough as old boots on the outside but soft as soft can be underneath.
What do you think about this post? Woe, woe and thrice woe the old man has married his pregnant girlfriend? She must be younger. A serious crime. That’s women for you. They don’t want you but they are jealous as hell if you take up with another woman.
Despite the three parties a day for a month lifestyle we read about last year we are now in permanent decline (only left the house once, no family, just friends) and now propped up by uppers.
Then along comes Aggie. Aggie advises on household matters. Example: how do you get rid of that stain in the loo. But she is a media person who therefore receives an obsequious reception, air kisses the lot. Woes and uppers instantly forgotten, advice is sought as to a bathmat. Are the uppers required because a bathmat has lost its colour?
My world goes whirly. Are women real?
Happy New Year, Rosie. Pxx
Rosie I strongly disagree with your reaction to Malcolm’s comments. I thought he made some an extremely valid point about the tendency of some of us – maybe most of us – to use induction (assume that our experience with, say a particular man, allows us to conclude that all men behave the same way). Malcolm please do not accept rosies invitation to leave! Most of the men’s perspectives on this blog are very helpful. Why such a strong reaction Rosie?
Oh, for goodness’ sake, Jennie, get a grip. If you took a moment to actually read what I said you would know that’s not what I meant at all. And please don’t include me in your sweeping generalisations about sweeping generalisations.
Well I have read and now re-read it and am none the wiser. Obviously I cannot read. What sweeping generalizations by the way?
Ah ok I get it – you meant leave the relationship, not leave the blog. I stand corrected.
Interesting reading all these statements P,you certainly seem to have started the New year off well for a interesting discussion.
Hope the pills work for you, possibly you wil be helped as we are going towards spring and the nights are definitely getting lighter. Even us lonely planktons feel better when it doesent get dark at 3.30 do we not. Guess it seems more possibilties arise, dont think they do,it just seems that way.
Acceptance of our fate is something im not sure any of us will ever really live with. I dont think i will, i am alone too much and i dont like it.On cold winter nights i really cant be bothered to go out to anything that the social group i belong to arrange, i should i know, come the lighter eveings and spring i know i must. All my close friends have partners, thats the problem, not that i dont have any friends so i need to find some who dont, even if not a soulmate. People still seem to think a dog or cat would be an answer, but in a small flat near a busy road, i think not. I do quite enjoy minding my friends dog so that will have to do, I think though a pet is an extra, it can never replace human contact, whatever people say.
Hope the pills help, will be interesting to hear how you do.