January 8, 2013 § 151 Comments

From yesterday’s Times:-

I have been unsubtly hinting for a while now but, finally, am going to lay my cards on the table: I have recently had a dramatic – but entirely temporary – crash out of planktonhood.


For weeks, a surprising intimacy with the most unlikely of candidates – namely, Slightly Younger Twinkle – developed.  Then, blow me down, it graduated.  When I told my Wise Old Aunt, she was entirely unmoved.  “It’s called propinquity, Darling.  Propinquity explains why people have office romances and my friend had an affair with her builder.  It is about frequency and narrative, something with which the odd date and evening out cannot compete.”


Anyway, the propinquity with SYT (like a builder, he was having to come round here quite a bit), sowed the seed of intimacy, which at first flourished without sex, then for a long time naturally gravitated towards sex (intimate conversations; confidences exchanged, emotions revealed; various signals, both verbal and non-verbal).  The build up was gradual and made me think I had lost my marbles.  This unexpected person is so special.  How could he possibly be interested?


Turned out he was.  I am not sure the brief or truncated suspension from planktonhood really counts – I remain, firmly, the Plankton, alas; no doubt about it – except that, critically, the post-divorce virginity has been thrown to the wind.  I am delighted that at bloody last my ex-husband no longer has the “honour”, however dubious and undistinguished, of having been the last person who slept with me.  Phew.  Over that hump.  But, contrary to what some might believe, that was not a motivation.  The motivation was to build on the intimacy with SYT – clearly deluded – and to have a bit of fun – also, alas, in my stupid, tragic position, clearly deluded.   I think but cannot be sure that the intimacy was – hello? Old chestnut, or what? – somewhat diminished rather than deepened by it because communication is now more loaded and necessarily cautious.  There was Homeland-style (Brody and Carrie, second series) “fun” to be had, for sure – he is not, after all, a craggy proposition with a too-heavy belly or reliance on small blue pills to enhance any meaningful presence in the proceedings.  He is great: exudes warmth, gentleness, affection and kindness but is a few years younger and so it is not going to last.  Never for a second have I supposed it might.


It can’t because we are at different stages and there is too big a gulf between the two. It can’t because his erotic capital exceeds mine spectacularly, and my wisdom and experience are a whole A-Z of streets ahead of his.


And it can’t because I am an old cynic who knows it is too good to be true.


§ 151 Responses to Propinquity

  • Ella says:

    When I met my OH, I stoutly resisted making our friendship romantic for a long time because he was 13 years younger than me, and the whole thing was clearly inappropriate, and would obviously End In Tears (mine) .

    He was deeply uninterested in this point of view – sayingt tha we had the possibility of spending at least 30 years together, so we’d be fools not to – persisted and persisted and persisted, and now we’ve been together for 2 1/2 years, and living together for 1 1/2 years…

    Just saying…

  • Vaso says:

    I want to believe that it will last because it will give us all a little bit of hope!

  • Vaso says:

    I would like to add that i was in a relationship with a man 7 years younger than me for 14 months and it would have lasted if it were not for the fact that he wanted children and I already had three and at 45 years old I did not want to have any more children.

    I could not deny him the chance of having his own family so “let him go” so to speak and it has been the hardest thing for me to go through! Even harder than my divorce from my ex husband. He told me I was his soul-mate and he was mine! Age has nothing to do with love or intimacy but unfortunately sometimes life just gets in the way!

  • Steve H says:

    Coles Notes version ” So reader, I fucked him, but it can’t/won’t last” 😉

  • Maggie says:

    Oh be open open Plankton! Don’t live by rules, let it flow. Good news!

  • Maggie says:

    You re right Vaso…….please plankton, go with this and you are NOT letting us Other Planktons down if you do – love and hope….

  • So then there’s hope for me for this year, too?

  • Barry Twyman says:

    I told you it was a Happy New Year !

    Good News when you least expect it is the best I have found .

    Your mail today substantiates my theory P xx

  • Elle says:

    I’m delighted you and SYT got together, P. Enjoy it and take it one day at a time.

  • rosie says:

    Good luck, P, and don’t listen to the naysayers. If SYT is as keen as he sounds then who’s to say it won’t work. Could it be that WOA is a teeny bit jealous? And can you bottle whatever it is you’ve got going on there and send some of it my way?! After another stultifying Christmas and New Year (so bad I was even thankful to be ill throughout the whole hideous process, enabling me to get through it in a kind of deadened fug) this end I’m just wondering how many more I have to endure before I finally go mad.

  • Steve says:

    Dear P

    You have given us all hope!!

  • Helle says:

    Dear P.
    Reign “the old cynic” in and enjoy your relationship with SYT. And please believe that it can work. And last!
    Don´t let your fear of being rejected fuck it up.

  • Just lie back and enjoy, darling!

  • Ruthie says:

    Amen to that! 😉

  • So pleased for you P. I totally understand your apprehension but do try and enjoy it. Whatever happens, just enjoy the now….

    My YT thing was so promising…derailed a bit on Saturday when he e-mailed me to say a woman he met at a drinks thing on Thursday asked him out on date and he asked me what he should do?!

    Needless to say I burst into tears, then pulled myself together and replied to his e-mail saying he should do whatever felt right. I have a feeling he met her and it went well.

    My loss I guess. Was playing it cool (as one is supposed to). Idiot.

    • fi says:

      I don’t think you are supposed to play cool unless you’re normally needy and neurotic 🙂
      I think if you like someone you’re supposed to make it clear otherwise they’ll assume you’re not that bothered about them and wander off in favour of someone who does like them. I mean wouldn’t you? Maybe the situation isn’t unsalvagable though if you got back in touch.

      • He made it quite clear he liked:me and quite clearly did the same. *books therapy* ;0/

      • PY says:

        Absolutely right, Fi.

        Clarity in communication is everything and it has been said here a number of times that we men are hopeless at ‘reading’ a situation or second guessing a women’s intentions. I feel a much better response would have been “I’d prefer if you didn’t” thus engendering a discussion which may have borne fruit.

        It’s only when a relationship is established that a chap understands the particular lexicon , such as ” If that’s what you really want to do ” meaning “Upon your head be it ” or the more succinct and all encompassing ” Fine !” ie ” You’re dead meat , pal !”.

        As for Ms P , whilst excellent news that the cobwebs have been blown away , I can’t help but mull on the fact that it would be a bit of a downer if aforementioned ‘uppers’ adversely impacted on the libido just when this particular walnut has been cracked .

      • The Plankton says:

        Never you worry, PY. Thanks. Pxx

    • The Plankton says:

      Oh bugger! You are not an idiot. He is, for going on the date, surely? Pxx

      • P we live far apart and that is his concern (300 miles to be precise), that it would be difficult (he has a 7 year old child for whom he is the primary carer). We had a long chat last night. He really does like me (and the feeling is mutual) but I’ve told him to go on the date and then see how he feels afterwards. Why am I so bloody reasonable*? (*stupid) LBB xx

      • The Plankton says:

        So sorry, I haven’t been able to check comments for a few days. What happened? Has he told you? Pxx

    • Elle says:

      I know it’s not ideal, but most guys multidate. They do it because they can. I think the younger generation of women are able to accept this better, possibly because they have more choices themselves and because they haven’t known anything else. If you’re not going to get emotionally attached and are happy with the idea of multidating why not see him again if he wants that. In the meantime keep your options open.

      It’s like this, why should the woman he met on Thursday who asked him out have him all to herself? If you’re not happy to multidate you can take comfort in the thought that there will be plenty of others willing to do so, and the woman from Thursday won’t have this guy to herself.

      • Elle, I hear you but that’s not the case here. The circumstances (which are too long to explain here) are a little complicated. I’m going to distract myself for a few days and try not to think about it.

    • Elle says:

      I hasten to add that I don’t advocate dating men in established or exclusive relationships – only those who are at the “seeing each other” or “casual dating” phase. One should not assume a relationship is exclusive until you both clearly agree it is so.

  • rosie says:

    LBB, if someone you’re having a ‘thing’ with emails you to say someone’s asked them out and what should they do about it, they’re the one who needs therapy, not you!

  • Chris says:

    OMG…….fuck who like Planky…..who cares anyway. Good luck, nothing wrong in getting with a younger guy…..yer cougar !!!! But, heck, what’s with that allusion to ther gawd awful Sex and the City….you are to good a writer to need to namecheck that crap. Also, what is all this stuff about craggy looks, saggy bellies and little blue pills? What is it with women in this culture, they just cannot help putting out casual put downs about rather superficial matters pertaining to older men. Imagine the furore were I to graphically depict the saggy shortcomings of older women. Methinks yer tribe would go nuclear !!

    • maria says:

      Chris, you’re kidding right? The saggy shortcomings of older women are thrown in our faces everyday, all the time, by the media and society in general. And, at the same time, older men are presented as experienced, fascinating and interesting.

      P, don’t worry about the age diference, you’re clearly a wonderful woman and it was about time somebody noticed it.

      Why the f*ck are we women always so concerned about age? Men don’t seem to have the same problem.

      • The Plankton says:

        Thank you, Maria. Pxx

      • Elle says:

        Hear hear Maria. The Fail overtly “celebrates” the shortcomings of older women every day, while glossy magazines invariably have “anti-ageing” in big letters on the cover. Then there’s the “dress for your age” articles – shudder!

        I know 21 year olds who are worried about signs of ageing!

    • The Plankton says:

      I never mentioned Sex and the City. I have never seen it. Px

  • Lydia says:

    We all know younger partners look better of both genders. My advice? Enjoy it if you’re enjoying but do not get too attached.
    If he is very keen and in love then you need to tell us if he already has children. If he doesn’t then if you want him to stick around you need to think of a way to give him babies. If you are too old even by IVF using your eggs then you can use a donor egg and his sperm and give him two children in short order.
    However get a marriage proposal particularly if he earns more. If he doesn’t earn more but you think he’s your best chance then marriage would be wise too as he will be more bound to you.

    Finally most importantly of all is he culturally and psychologically right for the children. Far far too many people let their lust drive their relationships. However if he fits your family culture, would make a good step father, is stable, kind, helpful, adores you and as he loves you he loves what comes with you, then that’s a good start. If instead he wants to be Mr Sex on Fridays but never come near a family life he may be good to continue with just on Fridays. If they are younger often you have to accept whatever their sex you would be keeping them for life and doling out money to them on a divorce – may be worth it for a good young firm male body or female body but not always.

    By the way to all the planktons out there.. one man (rich) I know rang for a chat and he mentioned he had been seeing a 61 year old and how sexy she is which is rather nice and shows age need not wither one whether male or female (and apparently it has not withered him either or so he says… although who ever admits to inadequacies in the penis department so perhaps we take that assurance with a pinch of salt).

    Yet another man again (we will meet this week) is divorcing wife 2 who is nearly 20 years younger and a mother of his second family and prefers me (nearer his age) fora whole raft of reasons, not least that his ex does not work and so is of course dull as these unemployed housewife types who marry an older man for his wealth usually are. If you are over 40 as a woman or man dating you have a whole host of good things to offer and for many men it’s the fact you’ve had your children and you won’t force them into a second family and that you may be well off. Mr virile with the 61 year old lover likes his still current partner or on off partner – another lady – because she is very very wealthy indeed, I suspect more than even he is and he likes that – that she gets her servants to do domestic things for him etc etc. Interesting to hear the male view point on the advantages of dating a woman with money.

    I suppose it all comes down to feminism. When women have great careers they love and equal careers with men and equal earnings and capital then things work pretty well. If instead you want a man for money or will both be relatively impoverished together it is harder to make things work.

    Moral – make sure teenage girls pick lucrative careers, not haircare or acting.

    • fi says:

      😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

    • maria says:

      Lydia, you old romantic, you!!

    • Elle says:

      Lydia, you have me up dancing and singing the song “Money makes the world go around, the world go around, the world go around” 😀

    • malcolm says:

      Lydia, I’m waiting for you to release a video of your own version of “It’s Raining Men”.

      • Elle says:

        What about a Lydia soundtrack?

        It’s Raining Men
        Money Makes The World Go Around
        Simply The Best

        more suggestions welcome 😀

      • fi says:

        “Islands in the stream” (kenny rogers and dolly parton version)

      • PY says:

        Appropriately, Croesus (as in “Rich as ..”) was the ruler of the kindom of Lydia, in ancient Greece, until defeated by the Persians .

        Presumably this would have to be released as a gold disc.

      • Jo says:

        For Lydia Soundtrack;
        ‘La Isla Bonita’

      • Jo says:

        ‘Money Money Money’ – Abba ‘Money (That’s what I want)’ – The Beatles ‘Money for Nothing’ – Dire Straits ‘She works hard for the Money’ – Donna Summer ‘Material Girl’ – Madonna ‘If I were a Rich Man’ – Fiddler On the Roof ‘The Millionaire’ – Queen ‘Lovely Children’ – The Thorns ‘Dirty Cash (Money Talks) – Stevie V ‘The Kids are Alright’ – The Who ‘The Millionaire Waltz’ – Queen ‘Money’s too tight to mention’ – Simply Red ‘Island Girl’ – Elton John ‘My Old Man’s a Fatso’ – Angry Samoans ‘Man with the Money’ – The Who ‘Ballad of a Thin Man’ – Bob Dylan ‘I’m your Man’ – George Michael ‘Mo Money Mo Problems’ – The Notorious BIG ‘Nowhere Man’ – The Beatles ‘I’m Waiting for The Man’ – Velvet Underground
        and finally, ‘The Man in the Mirror’ – Michael Jackson (In case ‘Lydia is really a man?)
        Plus: Any song from Johnny Cash!

        Man, I’m on a roll. Or I have a sad life! As well as a bloody big record collection…….

      • Jo says:

        And for the ski-ing stuff….
        ‘Fifty Feet of Pure White Snow’ – Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds ‘Let it Snow Let it Snow Let it Snow’ – Dean Martin (from my Christmas stuff!) ‘The Fox in the Snow’ – Belle and Sebastian ‘Sometimes it Snows in April’ – Prince ‘Snow Snow Snow’ – Randy Newman

        I’ve had all this stuff for years. Time for some prodigious editing of the collection and a mass sale on ebay methinks. Bloody hell…..

    • fi says:

      what about her doing “Sexbomb” instead?

  • Margaux says:

    Chris – if you mean the ‘Brodie and Carrie’ reference – P is talking ‘Homeland’ here – not Sex and the City. A slightly different kettle of fish 🙂

    Fair comment re: men/women & superficiality – but it has already been much discussed in this blog that the majority of us women here of a ‘certain age’ have already encountered the equivalent in reverse. It works both ways ….

    Having said that, – P – what is the age gap? and why do you think it’s a non starter? There are some men who prefer ‘older women’ you know!

    • Chris says:

      Wotcha Margaux…….typical me, I just scan, never read anything properly. I stand corrected.

      • Jill says:

        [Sorry, Chris, I just can’t resist this…..!] “I just scan, never read anything properly…” typical man or what?! 😆

      • PY says:

        Two words , Jill

        ‘Map reading’ 🙂

      • Jill says:

        Hmmm, what about installling/programming DVD/video recorders – no male of my acquaintance has been able to cope with those fiendish tasks, PY. (N.B. Am an ACE map reader, without benefit of SatNav.)

      • PY says:

        Crikey !

        Have inadvertently lost my emoticon virginity.

      • PY says:

        Jill ,

        Re the humble video. I’m pathetically proud that a an entire technological advance has come and gone without me managing to master it . The DVD is likely to follow in its wake.

        Receiving a Chrimbo Kindle, which comes without an instruction manual ( or even a plug ), led to fresh depths of Yuletide despair . I suspect that was a a bit of a taunt from Mrs XY who procured it for my sons to give me. It has already had to be replaced as it had a hizzy fit within 48 hrs and burnt its battery out . Perhaps that’s why they call it a Kindle Fire ?

        I’m not exactly a Luddite but the campaign for plain English doesn’t seem to have reached the IT world yet . I also confess that the crisp, unturned page of a new book holds more allure than the slide of a finger on a touch screen.

      • Jill says:

        PY, I am crestfallen lest you think that I was having a pop at male ineptitude in general terms, but I just couldn’t resist teasing Chris after reading what he said. I love it that you have such a relaxed attitude to the mysterious workings of electronic gadgets. Each to his/her own skills, I firmly believe. (Confession: I will drive any sort of vehicle quite happily except the ride on lawn mower – I am sure it has been programmed to tip me off and do away with me by its previous master!)

        Also glad to note that you are back to usual witty form after a rather bleak-sounding comment or two at New Year. Kindle Fire/spontaneous combustion = 😆 And you did well to get anything at all in the nature of a festive offering out of Mrs XY – all I got from my (now) ex was a very unpleasant communication from his solicitor….. 😦

      • PY says:

        No need to apologise , Jill . As you say , we all have our strengths and , indeed, weaknesses.

        Re : S.O.H – am feeling a bit more chipper, as the slopes beckon. Yippee !

        As for the ride-on mower, when the summer comes and the topiary has been tidied, try fitting a cup holder (if not already mounted) , plug in the iPod and taking a gin soaked meander through the perennials, sowing a blend of wild oats and meadow grasses behind you.

        This should liven up the task in hand, let alone create a bit of a conversation piece for the locals. No need to stick to the straight and narrow.

      • Jill says:

        Aaghh, not another lucky so-and-so off to the snow……you are the third just this week. (Is it possible to implode with ill-suppressed envy, I wonder?!) Oh, well, I can just about summon up enough good will to wish you a safe and happy time on the slopes.

        As for your tongue-in-cheek suggestions about my forthcoming perambulations on the motor mower, I am now asking myself if you might be the author of the disgraceful but highly amusing Mrs. Mills column in the Sunday Times Style magazine? Anyway, you are definitely back on form, PY! 😉

      • PY says:

        I’m sure there are good deals available for a singleton Plankton with planks on . Try looking at or SkiClub GB should you need a piste buddy .

        Presumably ‘Mr Mills’ is a source of inspiration behind the reliable column inches of double entendres.

      • Jill says:

        Indeed there are excellent opportunities for the SSP (singleton skiing plankton), which I have explored and made good use of in the past, but not even cash (lack of), invitations (several) or fitness (legs like rubber bands – I wish!) are preventing me from hitting the slopes right now – only the imminent arrival of yet another grandchild, 😀 My daughter in law is motherless (and fatherless) and she wants and needs me in situ for about 6 weeks post-Caesarean to help with the existing grandchild and the new baby plus puppy (are they mad?!) However, if there is any snow left in late March, I will be heading mountainwards at the speed of light, never fear!

        Not convinced that there IS a “Mr. Mills” – but I’d love to meet him if he does exist.

      • Jill says:

        PS PY, Have just re-read your comment re skiing as an SSP and most certainly should have acknowledged “plankton with planks on” thus 😆

  • Margaux says:

    Btw, P – your Wise Old Aunt is spot on about propinquity ..( love that word!).

    Came across this great quote from Ian Fleming :

    “In Ian Fleming’s 1957 James Bond novel Diamonds Are Forever, Felix Leiter tells Bond “Nothing propinks like propinquity.”

    I’d keep on propinking if I were you! 🙂

  • EmGee says:

    🙂 Enjoy it as long as it lasts and don’t worry about how long it lasts. I’m very happy for you.

  • James B says:

    I am glad for you P. Sounds like a boost. But I am concerned that the lag on the blog because of The Times’ requirements mean that we may be a little behind in your story. I hope that all is well and that your emotional state is picking up. Take each day as it comes and enjoy the fact that you are clearly not only talented and intelligent and funny but still sexy too. So why not live in the moment for a while? Enjoy!

    • Chris says:

      In fact Planky, why not live for the moment, full stop. Why not make it a lifestyle, embrace the cougar lifestyle and run with it. Sometimes I get the impression you limit yourself too much, you are too down on yourself and your romantic prospects. So, chin up, chest out, high heels on…..whoops, there i go again, slipping back into that 1970’s Sweeney mindset again !!

      • Lydia says:

        Indeed. There is no rule book which says only women and men married for life have some path to life time happiness. Many who are married don’t – indeed the Times had an article about totally sexless marriages yesterday.

        Some are happy single. Others with several partners at once. Others with someone they have when they want him but not all the time.

        Given 60% of second marriages with children fail and most stepfathers simply take theirm other away from the children and most children do not like the stepfather interloper who is nasty to them and different and reduces the quality of their lives (unless he’s very kind or very rich) the best gift you could give your children is not moving a man in until they are 18 – 21.

    • The Plankton says:

      You are right. There has been a bit of a time lag with the story because the Times held the column for two weeks. Occupational hazard. But I’ll bring the story up to date. I am writing Monday’s today or tomorrow. It could be said things could be better. Thanks for your concern. Pxx

  • Lou Smorralls says:

    Dear P, it doesn’t matter whether it lasts or not, you have broken your duck so hopefully the psychology of it will give you more confidence in the future. Just remember , if he does move on don’t take it personally just remember you can still pull.

    Best of luck…what a way to start the new year – reminds me of my eighteenth birthday presesnt 🙂

    • The Plankton says:

      You are right. A friend said it is in the bank, as it were, so whatever happens it cannot be taken away from me. This is consolation indeed. Thanks. Pxx

      • Jill says:

        Too right, Ms P, it most emphatically cannot! But as a devoted reader of yours via my online sub. to The Times, as well as here, please would you tell me (only if you are happy so to do, of course) why you changed the title of this piece to “Propinquity” from that which you used originally? x

      • The Plankton says:

        God, I can’t remember what I called it originally…? Pxx

  • Thanks so much to all of you for your support here- Your complete and total silence in response to my comment from Tues. 01/08 speaks volumes….

    • fi says:

      I’ll respond. Probably not Scott 😀

    • James B says:

      Why not start your own blog, Scott? It’s fun seeing your light-hearted banter here but it might be interesting to see your considered thoughts in detail on your own space – you might build up your own following as well!

      • Scott Benowitz says:

        Ms. Plankton’s blogsite is interesting for people to read really for two reasons- A guy who can’t find sex is nothing terribly rare, it’s much less common to find a woman who really simply cannot find a partner at all- Many women can’t find “Mr. Right,” but most will have no difficulty finding Mr. Good Enough For Right Now….

        Secondly, Ms. Plankton is extremely skilled with the English language, thus making her blog posts fun to read- I’m not skilled with our language at all, even the American version of it which I speak, read and write….

        Afraid that entries onto a comparable blogsite if I were to start one would all consist of some slight variation of “…. so I met this woman last week- She gave me her phone numbers and her email addresses, she told me to call her and to write to her…. I’ve left 2 voicemail messages, and I sent two emails to her, and I’ve heard nothing back…. a week has now passed, and so I suppose that it’s finally time to give up on this one now too…. settle for another weekend in, a twelve pack of cold ales, smoking some hooch, take- out a pizza or Japanese food, watch a few dvd’s… a bicycle ride or a swim depending on the weather…. and then on to next week’s women who are never going to write back to me or return any of my phone calls….”

        Pretty captivating, huh?

      • fi says:

        Scott here’s a bit of advice: “She gave me her phone numbers and her email addresses, she told me to call her and to write to her…. I’ve left 2 voicemail messages, and I sent two emails to her, and I’ve heard nothing back…. a week has now passed, and so I suppose that it’s finally time to give up on this one now too…”
        No. Do NOT chase after a woman. You should be saying ” She ASKED me to call her and I did ONCE (after a couple of days) and left a voicemail. Now the ball is in her court and I’ll wait and see if she calls back”
        Few things are more off putting to a woman than a desperate and needy man.

      • malcolm says:

        Scott, one of the benefits of all this anonymous participation on blogs is that I get to imagine what the commentors look like based soley on their comments.

        I’m afraid that the image of Eeyore pops into my head whenever I read one of your comments.

        It’s time you embraced your inner Tigger a bit more.

      • Scott Benowitz says:

        Malcom, “Scott Benowitz” is not a pen name nor a nickname- That’s my real name, and it has been ever since I first entered into this world in May of 1972 (do the math, I’m officially eligible for p’tonhood now)- Just google me- There are two other people in the U.S. who share my same first and last name, spelled exactly the same as me- I’m not the one who is the restaurant chef out in Long Island, N.Y., and I’m not the one who owns an industrial mining company in Montana- All the other Scott Benowitz pictures that you’ll find are me….

      • fi says:

        Well for us folk that HAVE been reading a while we do know what Scott looks like as he posted a link to his pic once.

      • zoe says:

        Go on, then Malcolm. Be bold. Have a shot at us all…

      • fi says:

        Scott. Honestly. You keep telling us to google you and provide detailed instructions on what to look for, but why would anyone want to google you and try and track you down? And why do you want us to? And why would you spend your time googling yourself? It all seems very odd to me. The only reason I looked at your photo before was to see if there was another explanation for your lack of success with women 🙂

      • fi says:

        Yes Malcolm. What about the rest of us then?

      • Scott Benowitz says:

        Fi- that’s why I continue to write in to Ms. Plankton’s blogsite- I’m basically… ….. well, what you might call …. …… “sexual plankton” …. all that remains left over for the absolute bottom feeders in today’s world….

      • fi says:

        Scott I’ve suggested you look at some of the manosphere sites like eg Danny504 or M3 or 3rd millenium men or Private man. They may give you helpful suggestions on how to make yourself attractive to women. If you don’t change your approach then you won’t become any more successful.

      • Mrs T Lover says:

        Scott, Dear, is that you? Prosthetic arm trapped in a sun dial?

        Where is the jelly fish T – shirt? Why are you wearing your baseball cap backwards? Why is your bottom lip out? A woman took the picture – right? – you have been two timing me.

      • T Lover says:

        Scott, the penny has dropped, it’s the trainers. Get rid pronto. Spend a few bob on a decent pair of shoes.

      • Scott Benowitz says:

        T- Yep, that’s me- That’s my real arm too- All of my body parts are real except for one false tooth, which is made from titanium covered with porcelain- When that photo was taken, I was in my 30’s, and hence I believe that according to the official rules, I was too young to be eligible for p’ton status- And I was also dating a real, living breathing woman at the time- Yes, a woman took that picture, although not the woman whom I was dating, one of my female cousins took that picture, and no, we’re not into that stuff here….

        Now can we please get back to the matter at hand here? Ms. Plankton may not actually be a plankton for much longer, if Slightly Younger Twinkle turns into a healthy relationship …. …..

    • Jo says:

      People don’t always reply to someone’s comment. Doesn’t matter and no-one takes it so personally!
      But why would all of us (!) ‘support’ you Scott?
      You are completely self- obsessed and add little more to the blog than your unfunny ‘jokes’ and total self- narrative.
      Ludicrous that you’re feeling hard done by.

    • Miss J says:

      Nobody’s arsed Scott…This is all about The Lovely P not you.

      Good luck and enjoy every moment P, it took me a long time to accept a younger man (13 years) was attracted to me but once I allowed myself to fall I had the best year of my life! Distance and circumstances brought the whole thing to an end sadly and yes, my poor little heart was broken into a thousand pieces but for those 12 months I never felt more alive.

  • malcolm says:

    Miss P., you will be pleased to know that you have made quite an impression on Google. When I searched for a definition of the word propinquity (my vocabulary isn’t very large), your blog post popped up on page one, just a few short spots below the Wikipedia definition.
    Hopefully this will happen again with a better word soon, like serendipidy, or contentment.

  • Kimmy says:

    NOW will you agree you are not a a sad old fuck reject????

    Enjoy – the spell is broken!

  • Simon says:

    Enjoy the moment. Wish I had one x

  • plumgrape says:

    Well done, Plankton. I see you are still writing. I don’t know why you dropped off the radar, but you did. I still think you write for women though.

  • Aidan says:

    We have not heard anything from Ms P for quite a while which hopefully means she has her claws well and truly into SYT. Good luck to her but it may mean we have been dumped for a while. At least she will be keeping warm. Look forward to an update soon.

  • James B says:

    Actually, I think the problem is just that P is a busy writer and mother. When The Times misses a week and does not carry her column then we have to wait for the re-posting of said article here. Also, you are probably right, Aidan, Ms P probably now has her hands full with SYT and let’s hope her new anti-depressant pills have reduced the pain of just ‘being’ somewhat. The side effect is that without the ache of being a plankton, this blog would need a new focus!

    • bettybanana says:

      OK, a wooden spoon.

      Helped a neighbour put chains on her Golf yesterday- she was stuck in the snow in the lane.

      She insisted she wanted the chains on the rear wheels not the front, “to improve traction”. Me: it’s front wheel drive. I have to bite my tongue as ears are burnt, no, no the back.

      My Da’s favourite woman driver joke: Woman in old style rear engined VW Beetle. Breaks down. Opens bonnet. Second woman in identical car stops to help. What’s the problem? I’ve looked under the bonnet – the engine has dropped out. Woman two: No problem, I have a spare in the boot.

      My favourite birthday card. Well one of my favourites. Woman and mechanic peering under bonnet. Mechanic: I’m afraid, madam, your battery is flat. Woman: What shape should it be?

      Anyone who kids themselves women and men are the same and can fulfil the same roles in life lives in la la land.

    • The Plankton says:

      The ache of being a plankton still persists, I fear! More anon. Pxx

  • Margaux says:

    Bettybanana – where did that come from? This blog has never been about m/f ‘equality’ – if anything it proves just how different men and women are – your post is a classic example 🙂

  • T Lover says:

    Bettybanana. Where did that come from? Don’t ask.

    Why did it appear this morning? Bleary eyed, numb, morning brain.

    Hey ho. Apart from a smiling rebuke from Mistress Margaux not a single feisty one has risen to the bait. Feel like Scott – his open invitation for a knee trembler in Waitrose’ frozen food aisle.

    Still, time yet.

  • PY says:

    What’s up , Ms P ?

    Second week without a Monday morning Planktondom ‘fix’. It’s what keeps many a ‘bod’ going whilst embedded on the 08.10 ‘cattle truck’ to Waterloo, as we sway and trundle through the snowy wastelands of London’s suburbia in a state of enforced intimacy with one’s fellow, fleece wrapped passengers.

    Is this a result of surrendering to the tender embraces of SYT ? Too distracted/preoccupied sipping from the fountain of youth (as suggested by James B) to fill in the details or could it be something much worse for your faithful followers ?

    Perhaps some bigwig within News International has called into question your entire singleton status and the raison d’etre of the blog – you’ll be rebranded as ‘ The Journalist Formerly Known as Plankton’ . Don’t they realise the high risk stakes that are being played out in print here and the strong likelihood of such relationships being of a transient nature ?

    • Jill says:

      Ha, PY, I see that you are back from the snow TO the snow?! And presumably intact despite the risks and rigours of Plank-ing it in the mountains?

      I think we have all probably been watching and wondering about the non-appearance of Ms P’s bons mots, but a couple of very brief posts from P lead me to believe that her silence might just be the result of things not working out as one might have hoped they would with SYT. Hope my instinct is not correct, but fear that you said it (.e. “the strong likelihood of such relationships being of a transient nature”….)

      Come on, chap…you too, James B – P has said that she will let us know in due course – perhaps it’s just too painful to recount at the moment?

      BTW, PY, how the heck do you manage to read The Thunderer, even in its truncated form, on a crowded early morning commuter train? Truly remarkable – you must have very sharp elbows! 😆

      • Jill says:

        Should have been “chapS” not “chap” – need stronger spex…..

      • PY says:

        You’re ahead of the game , Jill . Haven’t been away yet – 2 weeks more of walking lunges to go and counting. Which is probably leading to the reactionary outburst below.

        As for elbow room we all have our techniques to try and gain sufficient nanospace – not always successful. There was a general concensus this morning that the guy taking the large Costa cappucino onto a train, running as part of a reduced service, was a complete prat. (if you’re reading this you know who you are, Sir !).

        What is it with coffee addicts that they can’t get through a 20 minute commute without a top-up. And as for those damned sipper cup lids, something very wrong with those – something decidedly Oedipal going on there .

        They should bring back the broadsheet and allow a chap enough room to turn a page , engage the grey cells, even do the crossword; take away the news feeds on the tablets that everyone got for Christmas as the head down, shoulder hunched posture they induce is appalling; ban headphones so people are aware of what is going on in the world and might actually enter into conversation/social interaction (and potential loss of Plankton status – where would ‘Brief Encounter’ be without a smut in the eye and a clean handkerchief, albeit accepting that they were playing a dangerous game ) ; ban games on smartphones – I was developing an inferiority complex as everyone was clicking away and seemed to have more emails to deal with than me – until I realised it was grown men in suits playing ‘AngryBird’ (kidults) ; ban wheel-on luggage and insisit that fit people have to carry what they take ( less to trip over and imagine the savings in air fuel) ; ban stilleto heels on escalators (would speed everything up and be less of a drain on NHS resources when they fall from grace) – and my little bit of the world would be happier .

        Last but not least, scrap the inane announcements and stop treating us like livestock rather than sentient human beings – we all KNOW that ” trains pass through the station” in question – that’s why we are there in the first place.

        I’m sure people can come up with more.

      • Jill says:

        Phew, PY – what an admirable rant! What did you have for breakfast today – or was it just too much coffee once you arrived at the office?! You did, however, omit any reference to misuse/abuse of mobile telephones (used for their original purpose, not game playing/T(w)ittering.) But perhaps (un)speakable behaviour is too obvious a cause for ire…… .

    • The Plankton says:

      I am SO sorry. I have been very off radar, but will post something short in a few minutes, I promise. Pxx

  • James B says:

    New Times editor, I fear. New priorities. Maybe we’ll be treated to more cricket instead. Egh.

  • James B says:

    Good luck with your radiotherapy, Fi

  • zoe says:


    We miss you.

    Please come back and tell us how you’re doing.

    • Scott Benowitz says:

      Indeed, we need a new post- Just because you’re finally gettin’ some, doesn’t mean you should abandon those of us who aren’t …. …..

      • T Lover says:

        Scott, bored? Need a new post? Will a stake do instead? Try this.

        Years ago I met a man called Stake – true.

        His first name was Alan, viz: Mr A. Stake – true.

        He was a fencing contractor. – unbelievable but absolutely true.

        He had a largish family, mostly grown up except for a two year old, she was Miss Stake – true.

        He had a posh uncle, Sir Loin Stake.


    • The Plankton says:

      I will, I promise! About to post, briefly, now! Pxx

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    as I found this post at this website.

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