I Have Not Disappeared Off the Face of the Earth…

February 20, 2013 § 42 Comments

…although I do see it might seem as though I have.

Last week was half-term and I have been having an intense time – children and too many late nights.  Didn’t get to bed till 6.30am on Tuesday morning, or until 5am on Saturday.  There is a new young man in my life.  I am not sleeping with him, and nor are we ever going to (that’s a story for another day, but in a nutshell he is in love with someone else for whom he is going to sacrifice his life.  My teenager summed it up with a wisdom beyond his years: “He’s a poet so he wants to feel the pain.” )  Fred is not even a twinkle, therefore, but he and I are making friends and he has a certain fondness for alcohol and a youthful energy which I can’t quite share, but sad old bag that I am, I can’t quite resist at least trying to.  I have been on the vodka and the fags, even though I am teetotal and haven’t smoked since I was 29.

It’s a temporary thing.  I am not a smoker or drinker and am not about to become either but this past week has been quite fun, not behaving in my normal, predictable way.  I blame the happy pills! Time now, though, to return to responsibility and adulthood, but fun while it lasted.  A flirtation, pure and simple, nothing more, nothing less, except the development of a chaste friendship.

I am still seeing SYT but Fred has not yet won his bet that SYT’s planning on sleeping with me again, nor will he, I swear.  SYT is a very determined young man.  I’m not sure if it is admirable resistance on his part, or if he now finds me repulsive.  All I shall say is that as far as sex is concerned, young men haven’t got a great track record for resisting temptation, especially when in their cups.  So let’s take a wild guess.  Yup.  Repulsive old bag, that’s me!

But because of the prozac, I don’t really care.




§ 42 Responses to I Have Not Disappeared Off the Face of the Earth…

  • zoe says:

    Repulsive old bag? You don’t fool me, P. Younger man number two. You’ve got your mojo back and you know it. This is what happens. You’ll be obliged to change the subtitle of this blog next and stop doing the dirty work of the Daily Mail under cover of loftier mastheads.

    • The Plankton says:

      No, no, no, you don’t get it. He is a young man, but not really a twinkle. Pxx

      • zoe says:

        Ah. OK. We need a new name for a flirtatious reciprocal non-twinkle relationship then. You’re good at that sort of thing, P. I’m sure you’ll come up with something. I love “He’s a poet so he wants to feel the pain”, by the way. My last relationship was a bit like that. As one of your commentators noted recently, that’s the drawback with younger men: they can be a bit angst ridden.

      • The Plankton says:

        You’re telling me! They swallow angst like their older counterparts swallow viagra! Pxx

  • James B says:

    You may not have realised it, P, but your life is slowly moving on. A bit of sun is peaking out through the clouds and the worst of winter is behind you. Every new friend brings a network of perhaps 100-200 other people that they know. So your world is becoming slightly larger once more. We can learn from these new friends, listen to their stories and perhaps, if circumstances collide – share some moments. In any case your newer friends are portals to another life. After all, when all is said and done, what else is there apart from other people? Enjoy and keep writing here please. If it is all positive then let it flow. If not then do the same. Frankly you can write about carrot cake for all I care. We just love to hear from you!

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you so much! That has made my day. If I am lost for inspiration, I now know I can write about carrot cake, which is very reassuring. I guess I have moved on a bit – thanks prozac! – but I still want a husband and I still feel I ain’t never going to get one. But i have asked Fred to find me one. That was quite bold, wasn’t it? He said he’d try. I will keep on at him for sure. Pxx

  • Scott Benowitz says:

    Well then here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yv-Fk1PwVeU

    note- this particular advice never actually worked much for me, it sounds like a vast oversimplification and possibly even dangerous if you take it too seriously, but it’s worth a try….

  • EmGee says:

    Ms P, an active friendship with someone younger does put the spark back, whether it’s male or female. It seems to give us, whatcha macallit – repulsive old bags?, permission to live a little dangerously. Smoking and drinking like we are still young immortals, even if it’s just for a short period.

    I am still backing Fred in the SYT pool!

    • The Plankton says:

      You are very kind, EmGee, but Fred is just too in love with Daisy. He will devote his whole life to her – poet that he is – whether he gets her or not, otherwise feel he is not being true to himself. Oh dear. Pxx

      • EmGee says:

        Oh dear! I think I got the cast confused. I though Fred was the one would bet you SYT would be asking you out again by April.

      • The Plankton says:

        You’re right. I have changed his name from the real one to Fred but now I am panicking that I called him something else earlier. Just going to check…Apologies. Pxx

  • Jill says:

    I think EmGee, if my dodgy old memory has not quite given up yet, that it was Dave, P’s friend, who bet her a tenner than she and SYT would be back together again within three months.

    • The Plankton says:

      Jill, you are so right! I have called the same person both Dave and Fred! How crap of me is that? No wonder you’re confused. I wonder what to call him now? The original Dave, I think. Apologies all round! Pxx

  • malcolm says:

    I would wager that it’s neither admirable resistance on SYT’s part, nor does he find you repulsive, rarely does the true answer lie at the extreme ends of the spectrum. Maybe he simply figured that by continuing the relationship as it was, he would be edging closer to being in a committed relationship, something he’s not prepared to do. As much as this might shock some ladies, lots of men do have a sense of honour and do not like leading women on. It’s more painless for all involved to end it early than to continue on to a point where ending it will be messy.

    I think that when a man has found his “one and only” there will be very little ambiguity in his actions.

    At any rate Miss P., it would seem that your horizons are broadening, and that opportunities are presenting themselves. Go easy on the booze and ciggies. I wouldn’t want to be walking the streets of London and be accosted by an inebriated lady drinking vodka from a brown paper bag, smoking cigarettes slurring after me “I ushed to be the Plankton,”

    • The Plankton says:

      Thanks Malcolm. You’re reading of SYT is probably absolutely right: neither extreme. I know he likes me – even if no longer in that way – because he does keep visiting and came for a jolly supper only the other night. I know there is nothing to be gained by continuing to sleep with him – we have a lovely friendship without that, and I feel much calmer – but all the same, I wouldn’t mind…Seems like he’s the sensible one in this situation. As for becoming a bag lady: life is full of surprises, but I still feel it’s unlikely somehow. I am too married to my central heating to allow vodka and fags to get me that way, I feel. Though I’m wise enough never to say never. Pxx

  • therugbymom says:

    I think it is so wonderful that you are meeting new people and doing things out of your normal routine! I know you don’t want to get your hopes up, but every single time you go out, you are increasing the odds that you’re going to hit the jackpot. We have a saying about our lottery – You can’t win if you don’t play! You have already come so far Miss P. Just keep going.

    When I was newly single at 28, I didn’t mind being alone. If not for that damn biological clock that suddenly started ticking, I probably would have happily remained single for several years before looking for a new man.

    But when I found myself suddenly single at 58 (even though it was my choice), it was a very different situation. I thought I would be better off alone, and free to seek my own happiness, than I was while living with a man that I rarely spoke to (forget any other kind of communication or relationship.) We shared a bathroom, a bed, and a bank account.

    So what is really different now? Then, I used to have (mediocre) sex maybe once or twice a year. Now, I can flick my bean every night if I want, (and I have a much higher success rate of getting to the O.) I should be very happy with just that one thing. (OK. I am!) But when I stop and really think about it, I don’t have any physical contact with another human unless I’m paying them. Manicure, pedicure, massage, hoochie wax, chiropractor, doctor, dentist – these are the only occasions I’m guaranteed physical touch, and that is the kind of depressing realization that makes you want to completely give up. Top that with the knowledge that Dear Ex must have overcome his erectile dysfunction, because he found himself a (younger) girlfriend. That is like a stake through the heart!

    I made my choice. I chose to not settle for a stable financial situation with a substandard emotional and physical connection. I still believe that if I can’t find someone who really loves me, I truly would rather be alone. I guess I just never stopped to consider the odds of finding my Mr. Right at this stage of life. Regretfully, I think they are slim to none. And being alone at this age isn’t as exciting as it was at 28. It’s less about freedom and more about loneliness.

    • EmGee says:

      Rugbymom, thanks for your frankness. It’s a whole different game in middle age than when you are 28! I still ‘flick my bean’ because the man I am with now isn’t 28 either! But he is the most loving being in any other way. When I lost my husband 3 years ago, I was so so tired and jaded, I didn’t believe that a couple could truly love each other, and I wasn’t actively looking for any sort of relationship. I don’t care that he hasn’t lifted me out of the financial straits my husband left me in – that would be my responsibilty, whether he was in the picture or not. But just being a loving companion is the main thing.

      I am sure nearly all of us would like to have the wisdom we have earned to date, and be the virile young things we were 30 years ago, but there is no fighting reality.

      However, I just have to ask, do you truly not have a single friend you can hug, or buss on the cheek? I was at the dentist today, and I can’t say having his latex gloved hand in my mouth was any compensation for personal contact.

    • The Plankton says:

      Thanks for this thoughtful comment, though flick my bean is an expression I have never heard before and, though I am no prude, I am not entirely sure I need to hear again! Pxx

      • malcolm says:

        Ditto, can that phrase be banned. It’s slightly disturbing.

      • therugbymom says:

        My sincere apologies to every one of you loyal followers of THE PLANKTON who were offended. I have tried to remove my innapropriate comment, but I can’t figure out how to do so. I certainly do not wish to alienate any of you.

        Please forgive me. I am just a crude American who needs to step off and lurk a while. (And wait – before anyone gets upset over that – I’m not suggesting all Americans are crude! I’m saying I am. As for my fellow countrymen, I’ll let you have your own opinions on that.)


      • EmGee says:

        @ therugbymom: Well, the one who was most distressed has seen fit to bring it up yet again.

      • maria says:

        therugbymom, don’t worry about it. I’ve seen worst things written on this blog (not by our lovely P, but by some people who comment). I, myself have written some very crude words, for which I’ve apologised.
        On the other hand, I’m not a native speaker, so maybe I’m not totally grasping the offensive meaning of said phrase.

    • june says:

      Yes Rugby mum with you there, once a women hits 55, unless she is prepared to compromise with someone she has sod all in c ommon with, who is so unattractive no younger women would want him or his in his 80s or 90s she will stay alone.and you are right it is not exciting anymore, its bloody lonely. If i ever get a contact online its always hundreds miles away and even then they are mostly as ive described. The only male in my life is and very likely will stay, is my friends male spaniel which i sit whilst shes at work. He is always thrilled to see me, and loves me to bits. Think my chances of finding a male human like that pretty remote.

      Its so unfair that this dosent happen to men, being over 55 seems to matter little to the,them, however grotty or awful. whereas perfectly attractive women get noone.

      Wouldnt advise the ciggies or alcohol too much P, before xmas i got very drunk, was sick in a so called friends car, since then although i paid for car to be valeted, she has sent me to Coventry, and i can no longer go to a another friends birthday do, as she has said she wont go if i do, and the other friend who i had considered a close one wont stand up for me, so im not allowed to go. Not having someone is bad enough but your social life going down tubes is something else, Alcohol to a lonely women can be a nightmare i think, proceed with caution..

    • Scott Benowitz says:

      reveal some super secret classified info here: some guys actually like the natural look- Wax away all you want, if it makes you feel better, it’s quite obviously your choice, but many guys really won’t care one way or the other- Some of us actually like running our fingers slowly back and forth through the carpets….

      WOW !! it’s been a long time for me, I have to stop writing here now for the morning….

  • @ Ms. Plankton- If The Third Moon From Jupiter Dating Agency is still short on male volunteers, can you send them my cell phone # ?

    (we can omit all information relating to my growing collection of homemade Medusozoa [jellyfish] costumes…)

  • Lydia says:

    Sounds as though it’s making you happy.
    I seem to find happiness in lots of sleep, water, no alcohol, certainly no prozac or cigarettes and healthy foods and sex of course raises people’s beta endorphins. So the route you have taken in the last week or so would for me the absolute antithesis of personal happiness which for me starts with bed at 10 to sleep. However each to their own and good luck.

  • James B says:

    The thing about feeling bad or sad (apologies for writing like a nine year old today) is that it is impossible to truly imagine feeling better. So lots of sleep, fresh fruit and water, healthy food, the touch of another person and something immersive with which to occupy one’s time will indeed make anyone feel better. But the occasional student-like bad behaviour for a short while is a great diversion too. Enjoy!

  • Elle says:

    P I’m glad you’re still enjoying the company of SYT even if it is platonic. Just be careful that you have other friends around now because SYT may decide that he wants to sleep with somebody. If that somebody isn’t you having other friends around will be essential. Take care of yourself and keep an eye on what the happy pills are doing to you.

  • malcolm says:

    This blog post has far fewer comments than the average Plankton blog post because the phrase “flicking’s one’s bean” was introduced. My uncle used to “flick” my ears.

    No wonder it’s a discussion stopper.

    • T Lover says:

      Malcolm, I thought it was great. All these weeks I have been reading “Man” not “Mom”. I thought: What’s a bloke doing flicking his bean?

      The comment touched a rainbow of topics and was all the better for its honesty.

      Something has gone wrong with the blog or the blogger. The lack of comments has nowt to do with this American lady..

      • The Plankton says:

        What’s gone wrong with the blog or blogger? Pxx

      • T Lover says:

        That’s put me right on the spot, hasn’t it?

        I would have been forthright in an eMail, looked but could not find the eMail address you posted months ago.

        Can I therefore say: Just an inkling.

        Anyway delighted to receive two XXs – the best score this naughty boy has ever had. Thank you.

    • Can't Rememer What I Was Called Before says:

      It’s a long time since I commented on this blog. I have always kept reading though.

      From the link that Fi quoted above: “Chen knows what she wants – someone who is “honest and responsible”, and good company, or no-one at all.”

      I couldn’t agree more. I’ve got used to being on my own now. It’s preferable to being in a relationship where I suspect he’s seeing other women behind my back. This way, there is no angst. I just get on with my life, however lonely that might be at times.

  • zoe says:

    Ah, yes, therugbymom. We are British. Please. For future reference, any term anatomically suggestive or descriptive for any part of the female generative organs is best omitted and replaced by “front bottom”.

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