Plus Ca Change…Still The Plankton…

May 28, 2013 § 156 Comments

…Just rather less vocal than in the past.

Kids on half-term and I’m fretting about feeding them pizza and my work and gaining a few pounds – but not the sterling sort, alas; never those – and sex (the confusion of a certain but not complete lack thereof).

All this swilling about in the mind, and to be put on paper or, rather, blog, sometime very soon.

Promise.

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§ 156 Responses to Plus Ca Change…Still The Plankton…

  • EmGee says:

    Kids come first, as it should be. The next installment will be worth the wait, they always are. 🙂

  • AnonW says:

    Ah pizza! As a coeliac, it was something, I missed after being diagnosed fifteen years ago. But now Pizza Express has brought in gluten-free pizza, if you want it. It’s not too different in taste to how I remember it all those years ago. My children are all grown up now, but it does solve the problem of kids parties, where one of the children coming must be gluten-free. A friend of mine, years ago had a coeliac child,and they found life a nightmare.

  • Lydia says:

    Occasional sex? Is that a problem? Look on the bright side. May be better than none or tedious sex.

    If you’re still about 8 stone I don’t think you need to worry too much about a few pounds in weight unless you see your worth only in terms of ability to attract a man who will keep you like a chattel rather than an equal partner who may well earn a lot more than your man and indeed keep him. feminism is of course as ever the route to true happiness.

    I was going to call a bald man who doesn’t live near tonight but he’s not been touch and would only have been an interest – like dissecting an insect really.

    A plankton means bottom of food chain, least desirable. That is probably just a state of mind. Anyone happy who emanates the pure joy they find in life, in every day, attracts people to them like bees to flowers – be that person and everything else will fall into place. Weren’t there happy pills? Surely they are working?

    • Fi says:

      It’s the sudden insertion of ” like dissecting an insect really.” that entertains me. 😀

    • Minnow says:

      Like dissecting an insect? Jesus, Lydia! Are you a sociopath?

      • Lydia says:

        I spoke to him today in the end. The dissection was interesting. Pity I can’t find him attractive. Too many negatives and visually unattractive.

    • Chris says:

      ‘I was going to call a bald man’…….hilarious……bit like me saying ‘I was going to call a flat chested woman’…….like that?

      So does that mean you don’t find bald men attractive? Pity, because something like 30% of British men are showing some signs of balding by the time they are 30. So, if one might make so bold, what percentage of males do you actually find attractive by the time you’ve ‘screened’ them?

      • Lydia says:

        Loads. I took a flight back from Scandinavia for work and found almost 100% of the men attractive – good suits, slim (all that cross country skiing) and the right age and blonde.
        Met a man on a date and fancied every man in the bar except him sadly.
        I did go out with someone without much hair but I did not find him attractive and it did not work.
        I do not have a rule that they have to have hair but I prefer it if they do. Only one man I brlefly went out with did not have much hair and I found him attractive.
        I am actually fairly attractive so I tend to get more choice than some women.
        Ugly men and women often end up together, same with middling looks (perhaps me) and then the very model looking ones often end up with someone similar – unless one has a massive cheque book and then all bets are off.

  • Redbookish says:

    Lovely to hear from you, as always, Ms P (I just cannot bring myself to call you by your blog name: you are not the bottom of the chain – far from it!)

    It’ll be worth the wait.

  • nick says:

    “get a man on tuesday, throw him away wednesday, get a man thursday throw him away friday…..hey were’s my prince charming?” – they ask…
    no wonder so many men opt out or find a foreign wife, most relationships with those women with long contradicotry lists waiting for their fictional mr right wonder why all thier adventures are built on sand…

    • what’s wrong with dating a woman who is from a different country?

    • EmGee says:

      There is nothing wrong with dating foreign women. It’s stereotyping that people find upsetting. Not all single “western women” are as you describe. Just as not all foreign women are looking for a western husband, and any will do.

      Seriously, the ones who say they will just opt for a foreigner, seem to imply that they are inexhaustibly abundant and can be taken home right off the shelf, but I know of very few who have actually done that.

  • nick says:

    none at all….the bit after “most relationships with those women” – was referenced to western women……

  • @ Ms. P- it’s alt 0213 ç and alt 0199 Ç , at least in Windows 7

    no wonder I’ve not touched a woman’s body since 2010 I suppose, but I have memorized an impressively lengthy list of ascii codes….

    • fi says:

      No wonder indeed Scott.

      • Fi- How many men have you ever encountered who have memorized the entire list of ascii codes for foreign accents and currency symbols? (windows, not mac)

      • fi says:

        None, I’m relieved to say. 😀

      • ¤ ¥ ° §, Œ Æ & Ø

      • EmGee says:

        There’s nothing wrong with being nerdy, the difference lies in whether there is a practical reason for memorizing ascii codes, or if it’s just a hobby. @^@

      • MG- and if that is my idea of fun?

        Does this mean that I won’t get to touch a woman again until sometime in the mid 2020’s?

        Just kidding, I did my MSc degree at LSE, and we were shown more than a lifetimes’ worth of tables in which the comparative values, inflation rates, and the comparative deflation rates of the various currencies of the world were compared (including modern currencies as well as defunct currencies from previous centuries), all sorts of statistical analyses and comparisons- By the end I hoped to never see a single bill, coin or price sticker anywhere in the world again for the rest of my life….

      • Lydia says:

        I met a few brilliant scientists (and worked with some as well). I remember meeting one in the bar of a London hotel at tea time. He was the only man in the entire bar I id not find attractive sadly (beard, ruck sack – when I was surrounded by tall rich alpha males in good suits who were staying there) and he had a very left wing mentality – he went on and on about how some awful state school which is all he could afford on his wages had caused his daughter (who in my view was just lazy) to mess up her exams – very entitled, chip on shoulder and above all scruffy…. Nice though. Would make lots of women a reasonable husband I’m sure.

      • fi says:

        Lydia – and had his wife been ‘just a housewife’? 🙂

      • Lydia says:

        I can’t remember. Most of these men have women in very low paid work which is perhaps why I get a lot of male attention because they are fed up with keeping a leech as it were and the idea a woman might have a lot of money and assets is attractive to some men, not because they want her money just as I don’t want a man’s money, but just because it can make life a bit easier and means she is not after them for his money.

  • nick says:

    i hope when you go on a date scott your opening line isnt “i havent touched a womans body since (fill in the year)………”, most women wont go for that….. ……being educated is certainly a plus, but you dont have to go into all the technical detail. good luck….

    • I usually start by telling them that I’ve only memorized how to type all of the vowels with umlauts (lowercase as well as capitals) only in windows, not macs- don’t understand why the women suddenly remember that they have to leave after the first half hour, they always suddenly seem to remember that they forgot something, and then I’m never invited for a second date…

      änd ÿöü, Nïck?

      • T Lover says:

        Well Scott, tomorrow it’s June.

        June is the month you are going to have your bluff called and/or you are going to speak to LittleBrownBird.

        June is the month you are going to buy a webcam.

        June is the month we are going to have some fun finding out what happened!

        Know the expression: You can’t kid a kidder? Well if you don’t want Mrs T Lover to come round and give you a jolly good spanking – it will be arriving in June too – my advice is get a webcam. Now.

        BWs

        Your friend T Lover.

      • T- Forgot- I’ve actually set up a skype account a few weeks ago, for entirely unrelated reasons- I never claimed that I did not have a webcam, I’d said that I thought that mine did not work- turns out that I simply did not know how to operate my computer’s webcam, it works just fine….

        I’ve not seen LBB post onto Ms. Plankton’s site here recently, if she wants to have a virtual tea party via satellite link across the Atlantic, I’m certainly welcoming the experience- I’ll even introduce her to Scott’s super- secret ice tea recipes….

      • okay, it’s not really a secret- I just mix ice with real tea

      • T Lover says:

        I can’t be bothered to go back and read what you said but I seem to think you said you would buy a webCam next month ie June from which it is easy to imply you did not have one….

        Anyway, enough of this, where is LittleBrownBird soon to be a hero, sorry heroine?

        BWs

        T Lover

      • I may have said that I either did not have one or that I though that I did not have one- I know that all laptops today come with internal webcams, I’d tried to get mine to work once last year and I did not succeed, leading me to conclude that it was not functioning- I now know that there are a series of commands that you need to enter in order to operate it…

        back to the matters at hand here- Ms. P, her sex life, and the need for the sake of all humanity to restart it…..

      • nick says:

        i can’t think of the words to explain whats all wrong with that……i’ll have to have a long think, and come back to you on it……

  • Terri says:

    I can relate. I have a boomerang adult son myself, in limbo between passing the Bar, and getting a job… And he loves pizza! And pizza is not my friend.

  • Chris says:

    Morning all……now what I am going to say is a little off piste ……but not much. This is hilarious. Some American website called Miss Travel has done a survey of which country has the sexiest men and women in the world. obviously the respondents were American. And guess what……British men were voted NUMBER ONE !!! Incredible I know, could not believe it myself. By the way, Colombian women were voted first in the women’s section…..well, yeah, that makes sense to me. Anyway, uuuum, British women did not figure at all, did not make the top 10. Now as a British male I obviously feel a warm glow of smug self satisfaction from all this, quite unashamedly I might add. I always thought that British women did not appreciate the home grown product. Don’t worry girls, somebody loves us even if you don’t !! By the way, Italian men came 10th. Bet Luigi is spitting tacks !!!

    • fi says:

      But Chris, have they actually met any British men or are they basing this on what they see on the tv and films? If I thought all men were a combination of Prince Harry, Daniel Craig and Tom Hardy I would too. Although I can see the appeal – we speak the same language but our men are more gentlemanly, they’re different enough to be exotic, but not too different.

      • Muriel says:

        Robert Pattinson, Hugh Grant, Colin Firth ….Alan Rickman?

      • fi says:

        Hugh’s a bit foppish, and Robert’s a bit young – but there are commonalities in british men. Polite, thoughtful, self-effacing, charming…works for me. Benedict Cumberbatch too

      • Muriel says:

        David Tennant!
        James McAvoy! (in Atonement)
        Benedict’s a little strange looking, but I haven’t seen Star Trek yet.

      • fi says:

        He is strange looking, but very clever with a very interesting face.

  • Chris says:

    Hi fi…… good point….who knows if they have met any British men? I guess your analogy would be the equivalent of equating all American men with Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Don’t know if you ever been to the US but that is clearly not the case……I went to Idaho years ago….oh my, some of those country boys were dump truck huge !! One thing I will say for British guys over American guys is that we are a lot more charming. American guys are usually about one thing in my experience when it comes to women….bragging about what they got, almost like they can ‘buy’ a woman. Then they complain women are too materialistic. They have done this in the Ukraine…..gone down there giving it the big I am then complaining that the women have become materialistic down there, just like the women they left at home !! The dummies don’t seem to get they made them that way, that they have corrupted the greater relationship purity they sought !! The only other guys I know much about are South American guys. Oh boy, don’t go there ladies unless you are a masochist !! Those guys look great and they got all the oily words and fake charm. But their own women are sick of them. I used to have a Chilean girlfriend. The level of abuse and domestic violence in Chile was horrific back then. A woman I work with recently went to a wedding in Peru between a Peruvian lady and a British guy. Many of the Peruvian girls there told her were looking for a western husband, they were just sick of the machismo attitude of the local guys. Oooohh, I’m on a roll now !! As an aside, do you know how many women are murdered by their partners in Russia every year? 40,000…….isn’t that a terrible figure considering the population of Russia is only approx. 3 times bigger than the UK !!

    Anyway, I have been rambling on a bit but one thing I will say is that I think the attitude of women in the UK is coloured by social welfare and social attitude. There is a programme called Skint on the telly at the moment, showing the lifestyles of those who live on benefits. Some of those are single mothers ( nothing wrong with that ) who have had like 4 kids with 3 different dads. Well, in a lot of the countries I have been to that would be as disaster, for the woman would be left with no help to live a piteous existence. Trust me, none of these ladies would survive one hour in a Manila slum I think. I would not survive one hour in a Manila slum, those places truly are the gates of hell. The other point in these countries is that many of them still have ‘standards’, something abandoned in the UK long ago. If a woman were to adopt the ‘Skint’ attitude to family life there, the chance are she would be abandoned by her family. So endeth my somewhat long winded sermon. Hope it wasn’t TOO pompous (ha ha ).

    • fi says:

      Yes. I prefer British men 🙂
      Which is lucky as that’s where I live.

    • nick says:

      i did speak to a guy that runs an introduction agency in thailand, and its true british men are no.1. that what the ladies there want. he takes on americans and europeans too, but british guys are in v much in demand.

      yes i seen some of skint, and that woman who was trying to pair the different dads to different kids she’d had was hilarious…..she forgot which kid belonged to which dad in the end………she was a total disgrace, smoked, drank, tatooed and pierced no doubt…..more masculine than the bloke she was with , who looked like death warmed up……exploitative…car crash tv for sure – but glad i’m able to switch it off, and its not part of my world.

  • Carolyn says:

    Hi ‘Plankton’. What a great blog! I did a Google search and found a Guardian article which mentioned your blog. I’m a bit older than you – 55 years – and my sons are 21 and 17. A few years ago I bemoaned the fact that I could never go on dates as I had to look after them (their father, ‘lovely man’, emigrated to Australia 5 years ago and left me to do it all). I found a lover 14 years younger than myself. He contacted me on the internet. He was very attractive – lucky me. He used to come over when the kids were at school (possible as I work part-time) – great solution all round. He was in my life for six years and then 18 months ago it fizzled out. I thought maybe what I wanted now was a ‘proper relationship’. I found the same as you – I am told I am an attractive woman, and look younger than my years – but no man my age wants me, and the older guys I just don’t find attractive. They are all grey haired and I am genuinely not – don’t even need to dye my hair. I wanted to say to you and other readers of your blog, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I now have time on my hands to date as the boys are older and invariably stay at friends houses. The irony is that now I have this time, I don’t want to date as I am entering the ‘perhaps I am better on my own than getting hurt and rejected all the time’ phase of my life. Lately I’ve been thinking, so if all the older men want younger women, that is the way for me to go (ie. the other way around) – after all, I did that before and there are plenty of them looking for older women. The thing you have to accept is that it will likely be temporary. As soon as you admit that, the whole thing is great fun, I guarantee. Enjoy what you can get of him and then be glad when you shut the door behind him and can get on with your priorities until you fancy seeing him again. You don’t have to look after him, clean up after him etc. If you are financially independent what do you want a man for anyway, apart from sex? Granted it would be nice to have one to go on holidays, days out with etc, but I’m not settling for ‘old’ until I decide I want to, which may be never. I keep busy with work, go to loads of aqua workouts for company, walk, make plans for my retirement which don’t feature a man by my side and yes, I am pretty happy. It has taken a lot of soul searching and hard work, but I’ve got there. And the advice at the end of the Guardian article is to sign up to toyboywarehouse.com. I’ve been thinking about that for ages and might just do it. If men sniff after younger women, I’m sniffing after younger men.

    • Muriel says:

      Carolyn
      If it works for you then go for it. Regrettably it wouldn’t for me.
      But you won’t go out with anyone grey hair? Seriously? I’m 48 and have a fair few myself, so do most people my age.

    • Chris says:

      Carolyn, sweetie, are you sure you have no grey hair at 55? Not even one or two just peeking shyly through the doubtless tumbling masses of your glorious tresses? Wow, move over Sharon Stone, you got no chance, Carolyns in town !! Seriously, are people still hung up on looks at 55 ??

    • @ Carolyn- I turned 41 three weeks ago. I’ve memorized all of the alt+ codes for typing the all of the vowels with the umlauts, both lower case as well as capital letters, in all of the versions of MS word that are included in Windows based operating systems….

      oh wait, I’m NOT supposed to tell women that right away, I see- In fact it’s probably for the best to avoid mentioning that to them in the future ät äll …..

    • malcolm says:

      “Enjoy what you can get of him and then be glad when you shut the door behind him and can get on with your priorities until you fancy seeing him again. ”

      Lovely.

      • Carolyn says:

        Only how a lot of men treat women and often the only option left in a world where you cannot find a man your own age with enough emotional maturity to have a sincere relationship, because his ego is so big he is chasing those 20 years younger. Get over it Malcolm and make yourself emotionally available to women your age, the topic of this blog site.

      • malcolm says:

        Why on earth would I make himself emotionally available to a woman who believes it’s ok to treat me in the manner you have described? No thanks, I don’t like being used.

        Lots of women treat men very badly, but I wouldn’t use that as an excuse to treat women poorly or to blame my woes on them. I don’t think “emotional maturity” means the same thing to you as it does to me, because the attitude you describe sounds anything but mature to me.

    • The Plankton says:

      Hi Carolyn, Thanks for this. I’m really glad you’re enjoying the (rather intermittent of late) blog and take your point about younger men. Pxx

  • Carolyn says:

    Oh dear, I hit a few raw nerves there. Apologies. Chris, sweetie, I have a few grey hairs under the surface if you are that interested, none on the top. Lucky Irish genes I suppose. And I don’t have ‘ doubtless tumbling masses of glorious tresses’ either. I’m not a ‘babe’ or anything, and have a bit of post-menopausal weight to lose – just believe in being happy and confident with what you have and you will still attract younger men if you want to. If you don’t that’s fine too. Of course I’d go out with someone with grey hair, and was engaged to one several years ago when my marriage broke up. But he was very good looking. Yeah, I guess I do like a fairly good looking man and that would be a trade off for the grey hair. Trouble is, good looking grey haired men my age go after much younger women. What I was expressing in my post is lack of desire for men who look old, just as many men lack desire for older women. I am expressing the view that women can feel as empowered as men in this respect, if they choose to. They pass us over, so you can pass them over if you choose to, if it works for you. If if doesn’t carry on looking for the ‘perfect man’ – good luck.

    • Chris says:

      Well, what complete and utter BS. You know, I am 60, and have a full head of hair and it ain’t grey yet and I am 6 ft tall, but I am not ‘up myself’ like you are. But then again I am happy in a relationship. Touched a nerve have I? Sorry.

      • fi says:

        There is an obvious relationship between the bitterness/aggresion of some women and their lack of success with men. Not only does the former cause the latter, but it is also the result.

      • Carolyn says:

        If you are happy in a relationship why are you on a site which is commenting on the fact women cannot find an emotionally mature man their own age? It’s a site where women are speaking out openly about the fact that they are unhappy about this. They don’t need bored misogynists like you on here putting in your twopennyworth. Good luck to your missus having to put up with you. You don’t really fit the demographic of this blog and I can only conclude that you are not in a ‘happy’ relationship. Read James B’s contribution yesterday. He’s married but sounds a lot more happy and respectful of women than you do.

  • James B says:

    How interesting all this is. I wonder whether the Internet has changed our expectations? The advent of Internet dating has meant that we can all ‘browse’ through profiles of tens of thousands of potential partners – filtering out their looks first. I guess 10% of people are very attractive. They must get all the responses? At the same time we are bombarded with images of rich, tanned, thin, gym-addicted botoxed or teenaged super humans. Agh.

    There is a lot of honesty here, which is fascinating, but many single people seem stuck in an endless loop of disappointment. I have a very attractive and bubbly single female friend who was telling me the other day that she had met a lovely (and very attractive and tall) positive man with a great nature – and apparently was an ‘attentive’ lover but she was marking him down as a ‘fling’ because she felt ‘snobbish’ about his career (he is a 40 year old travel agent). Gracious me.

    The other single females I know are hung up on looks. Balding? Grey hair? Over 40? It kind of goes together with men doesn’t it? I am a balding married man in his late 40’s. I am in good shape and cheerful but nothing much to look at really. I guess I am ‘okay’. I have been married for a long time and behave myself. If I put my photo on a dating site I guess (I have not tried it though) that I might attract the odd glance from a short-sighted female or two, but nothing more.

    In real life though, I am (sounds arrogant but true) I am a wealthy and successful man and get approaches from incredibly attractive predator-type women who let me know in no uncertain terms that I would be a “Great Catch” if I am interested or ever become available. Apart from the fact that the last type of person I would want to leave my wife for would be a narcissistic man-eating gold-digger, it makes me wonder whether any of these women would ever look at someone like me if they did not know that I had a larger than average bank balance. I think we know the answer. Of course not.

    My thoughts on all this are: 1) Get out of the house – meet people, do different things, behave in a new way and 2) Give people outside your existing criteria set a chance – that person may surprise you, they may become more attractive to you over time or their ‘career’ might flourish under your love – or else their wealth/power/job might matter less to you.

    As to my friend, well, I told her to think about how she would feel if being judged in the same way. What on earth is wrong with being a travel agent?

    I am just off to polish my head.

    • Fi says:

      yep well women like that end up on their own moaning about the lack of good men when they’re a few years older.
      if i had a pound for every older woman i know who has come out of a marriage/relationship and talked about ‘not settling’ for what is realistically what they are going to get, i would be a pretty wealthy woman. i feel like asking them what they have that will make them attractive to the sort of man (rich, handsome and prepared to spend lots of money on them) they believe they are entitled to? especially because there’s pretty few of them hanging about the central belt of Scotland. Bizarrely these middle aged women, overweight and out of shape think that they are what a George Clooney lookalike would pick, if he ever existed and was looking that is. But eventually they do understand this, but by then it’s often too late. It is bizarre though – teenage girls’ minds in grown women’s bodies. Now I’m all for not settling too (my requirements are height and cleverness), but at least I am fully aware of what that actually means and where it is likely to go i.e. a lifetime of spinsterville, but that’s ok with me.

    • Lydia says:

      Hopefully when women and men are more equal women won’t be judged by the status./ income of their other half and men just by show pretty and young she is. I think we are moving in the right direction but there are still far too many women who live off male earnings rather than finding their husband says – hang on I don’t want a housewife/servant – get out there and become an equity partner at Ernst & Young on £1m a year – I don’t want a housewife and you’re bright and you can do it. (I earned 10x my ex husband which was never a problem between us and I do find men interested in me not to take my money but because unlike a lot of men who are after them just for a meal ticket I am self sufficient financially and sometimes men want a clever successful woman as a foil for themselves as that is a good match).

      The difficulty comes like the last man I spoke to this week when just about everything is wrong – he was clever and quite nice but lives miles away which is ab it of a non starter anyway, no hair and I did not fancy his face – so if no physical attraction that’s a huge problem – I tried it once and it did not last…. earns a fraction of what I do and therefore has opposite political views which does matter if you want to talk to someone as well as go to bed with them… does not share my hobbies, never really lived with his child as the mother threw him out so not had a long relationship ever nor in a real sense brought up a child… all those things together ruled him out in my view. if it were just one (say he’s a travel agent and does not earn much but very clever well educated similar hobbies and looks good -blonde hair and my BMI / level of health) then fine the travel agent bit would not matter. However so often lower status men also are much less bright so dull as anything, ugly, fat (the less you earn in the Uk the fatter you tend to be), difficult life as living in tiny flat hand to mouth, debts etc etc. So a search by if they went to university or whether income is over a certain level does tend to work well in weeding out those who may well not be right.

      And I get a married man just about every fortnight of one kind or another contacting me and I reject them all. I hope the married women of England are grateful and I get my reward in heaven. Obviously some people say the best men or women are married so if you want one steal one . I would not do that but apparently it can be a sensible tactic and some men and women do not leave a spouse until the next person is lined up – silly them . No time to recover.

    • EmGee says:

      Bravo, James!

      It really is that simple, get out there and find people who share your interests, and take a step outside your personal criteria, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, choose to lose something(s) lower on the list, at least it’s a start.

      Your observations on internet dating and meeting people in person sound legit to me. In spite of the argument I got into with a couple other people in another post, over women not nearly caring about looks as much as men do, I seem to hear a lot about it from both sides.

      Also sad are the ‘predators’ people such as yourself encounter once they find out you are well situated. I think it is easier to spot them and abhor them when one is not in the market, although it doesn’t stop them from casting a hopeful line your direction. Then again, I don’t think many, if any, of their targets are blind to this, they are just willing to overlook the fact that she is a pecuniary cannibal, if she will make an attractive accessory hanging off his arm.

  • Carolyn says:

    Plankton’s blog was set up precisely to comment upon the fact that she cannot attract a man her own age because they are all after much younger women. The attraction bit is a personal matter and largely irrelevant in the context of the discussion. Yes, many men over 40 are balding and grey as James B points out. No matter. The issue is not that ‘average looking’ (by your own admission James) men like you cannot attract a woman. The issue is that men over 40 go after women 15 to 20 years or more younger than themselves (your good self excluded of course I’m sure – we don’t know how old your wife is). This is what upsets middle-aged women. We want emotionally mature men our own age, not men 15 or 20 years or more older than ourselves. I do agree that the internet has caused this distressing phenomenon to have a chance to flourish. I don’t want to settle for superficiality in a relationship, but it is one option to go for if you cannot find the thing you are looking for, because no-one your own age is looking for you. FYI I’ve tried social groups as well as internet dating. They aren’t necessarily the Holy Grail either.

    • EmGee says:

      “Trying” a social group isn’t really going to get you anywhere. You have to actually be a functioning part of that group. If you join a book club, for instance, you damn well better enjoy reading and participating in the discussion, otherwise you are just an annoying cling-on, and everybody knows it.

      • Carolyn says:

        BTW – As someone with a Degree in English and American Literature, I definitely wouldn’t join a book group. People pontificating about often mediocre novels like they think they know what they are on about is not my bag. If there was plenty of wine on offer I might consider it :o)

      • EmGee says:

        However, your hyperbole knows no bounds. What part of ‘for instance’ did you not understand? And since when is ‘trying’ something the same as ‘doing’ something, since you are the expert, I bow to your superiority on this matter.

        Until now, I hadn’t a clue who you were, let alone your status, now I see you are a highly educated person, and literary snob, and I happened inadvertently to hit on one of your favorite targets. perhaps I should have chosen wine tasting clubs as an example instead, you are not a sommelier as well are you?

        I am sorry you feel that I attack women, but I guess perhaps it takes one to know one, as you’ve done a stellar job here.

  • Carolyn says:

    Scott – What? Don’t know what the hell you are on about.

  • Carolyn says:

    Emgee – won’t be long before you meet the man/woman of your dreams then will it? ‘Trying’ doesn’t necessarily mean I didn’t participate. Don’t comment on what you don’t know anything about.

  • Carolyn says:

    Scott – Oh I see. Yeah, best not to mention the umlauts whatever the hell they are. You might have a fighting chance then :o)

    • Umlauts are accents which are used with vowels in the Scandinavian languages, represented by two dots above the letters…. The pronunciations vary between the languages, I’m not actually familiar with those languages, just the alt + codes…. I’ve memorized the alt + codes for the letters with the circumflex and the grave accents too (windows based platforms only, not macs)….

      Why don’t women ever return my calls?

      • EmGee says:

        May be you should switch to a Mac 😉

        Why on earth would you need to have Umlaut codes memorized if you don’t seem to have any reason to apply them? The only one I have memorized is Option e (Mac), although I see that Option u creates ¨, which makes total sense, as a very common mark in some languages.

      • I didn’t really do it on purpose- I memorized the symbols for foreign currencies when I was working on my masters degree at LSE 10 years ago, because it was easier than continuing to look them up every single time that we were reading an article which was comparing the fluctuating exchange rates between the Japanese Yen (¥) and the Chinese Yuan ….

        Every list that I could find which had the codes for foreign currencies also had the list of alt+ codes for foreign accents mixed in, so I ended up memorizing the entire list…. and please, enough of this, we’re trying to assist Ms. Plankton here, she seems to be in a lot of pain here….

      • EmGee says:

        Don’t try to change the subject, Ms P is doing fine. 😉

        I find your explanation interesting, so your specialty is economics, or are you like me, studied for one thing (although not a Masters by any means*), and ended up with another career? *That is more of a reflection on my not being able to stick to anything for very long. Except being an artist – I have done that since childhood – but apparently it isn’t a realistic career choice, unless one is attracted to being in a constant state of penury.

      • MG-

        1) My major was actually government studies, specializing in international treaties- We were required to take a statistics class which involved currency conversion tables, nothing at all even remotely relevant to the subject that I was actually majoring in.

        2) I’m presently the secretary in my father’s architectural firm’s office in the suburbs of New York City.

        3) I’m not an artist. But I am a member of an amateur camera club in the suburbs of New York City, I only take pictures for fun, though not for anything professional. What kind of art to you create? Are you a sculptor, a painter perhaps?

        And most importantly:

        4) Ms. P. is not doing fine, notably far from it in fact- People do not set up blog sites about being unable to meet even Mr. Wrong or Mr. Very Very Very Wrong, let alone their knight or prince on horseback, waiting to carry them off into the sunset unless they’re in a lot of pain…. I do somehow feel sorry for her, even though I have absolutely no idea who she is….

      • Lydia says:

        Indeed. I am sure we call could help.
        The low weight, the depression, the pills for that, the general unhappiness, the shortage of money… it is all very sad. perhaps it all about sadness and mood really and nothing to do with men or boyfriends at all.

      • Fi says:

        But so often women see men as the solution to their problems. Like Prince Charming he will sweep in and rescue you from your problems and look after you. And while you’re waiting for that to happen you are merely treading water. Which is why I think so often women are traumatised when they have to acknowledge that they are on their own and they are going to have to be self reliant for everything. I think if women were brought up to believe there would be no rescue they might make different decisions about the direction of their lives, particularly in relation to their career and having children.

      • Fi- I can’t solve all of your problems, in fact I can’t solve any of them, but if you ever want to type an aigu accent or the symbols for Israeli Shekels or Gambian Dalasi feel free to call or write to me any time….

      • EmGee says:

        Scott, thanks for the personal info. I have often wondered why some classes are required that don’t seem to have any bearing on one’s major, seems like a waste of time & tuition, when one could take a more interesting class.

        While your current job may not be all you wished for, it certainly isn’t a dead end.You must be very bright to be able to retain knowledge like umlauts that you don’t use every day. Just now I had a brain fart and forgot an email password I’ve had for something like 10 years.

        My own specialty is oil painting, mostly realism on a variety of subjects, though I do freelance bookkeeping to make ends meet. Otherwise, it would be feast or famine (mostly famine, lol!). I work off photos, and have become quite adept at photography, and photoshop, and feel that photography in itself can be very fulfilling creatively. I would post a link to my page at the gallery, but since this is a public blog I am afraid it might invite spammers or trolls.

        Sorry, I didn’t mean that Ms P is fine in the sense that she is no longer pursuing that which this blog is about, I just meant that she isn’t in such a state at the moment that we should be talking her off a ledge and back into safety, instead of discussing our CVs.

        Regarding fi’s comment about men being a solution to our problem – my personal experience was not recognizing how dependent I really was on someone else, even when it became evident that he was not being supportive emotionally, financially, or any other way. It was only after he was gone that I realized that I really could take care of myself (though not without some hardship and diminished expectations). I decided that I never wanted to be financially or emotionally dependent on anyone, ever again.

        Most of the time my bf hasn’t 2 extra nickels to rub together, and he’s gone a lot, so when my finances get tight, there is no one to bail me out, or if I have a bad day, he may not be there to lean on. This may seem untenable to many, but because I was so fiercely co-dependent in the past, this helps me stick to my decision to be independent. For instance, if my bf doesn’t call me for a couple days (He’s on the other side of the country until the end of June), it doesn’t mean he’s run off with another woman or doesn’t care, he’s just busy, or simply hasn’t had anything to phone home about.

        I had a garden spigot spring a bad leak the other day, and I had to shut the water off, break out the pipe wrenches, remove the old one, run to the hardware store for a replacement, and put it on. Or wait 3 weeks for him to get home w/ no running water, or call on another male friend to please o please come fix this, or pay a plumber $100 to come out and do what I did myself very easily.

        I can’t fix the air conditioner on my car (although I have found a reasonable mechanic who only charges his cost on parts, and reasonable labor), but I can certainly do the basic stuff that is usually considered by many women to be ‘male’ only.

      • uh oh guys- I think that the jig may be up…. what’re we going to do now?

      • Lydia says:

        I can trade you umlauts as I did German A level. Clever women are much more attractive than those who aren’t educated.

      • Lydia- cööl !!!

        I’m willing to trade you an ð , a ß or a þ ….

        what’ve you got to barter this week?

      • Lydia says:

        I have a lot to barter and indeed one issue with some (but not all) men is whether I have too much to barter

  • Carolyn says:

    Nice talking to all of you. Interesting site. Unfortunately many of you have lost the original plot. Lydia speaks a lot of level-headed honest sense. EmGee and Fi (I am assuming you are both women?) – you both seem to attack the women on the site, thus defeating the purpose. I have found a solution of sorts, though not ideal, to my concerns about my love life – have you? A lot of very bitter misogynists on here – Chris springs to mind – you’re exactly the type of emotionally immature men we are complaining about. You have no interest in understanding women, just in putting them in their places. Plankton – I wish you the very best of luck. I’m out of here. This site is doing nothing to raise my spirits. I can do that better on my own.

    • fi says:

      Yep well I don’t rate women as being better than men, nor share an opinion with someone simply because they are the same sex as me. I thought we’d moved on since the 70s and 80s. There are men who post here I don’t agree with, and women, but I dislike their views not their sex.

      • fi says:

        Oh and I don’t like hearing either men or women slagging off the other sex, which is why i don’t like the manosphere sites, nor blaming the other sex for their lack of success with them, which the manosphere sites do too. I tend to think that if something isn’t working in my life I look to see what I’ve done to bring myself to that situation and then set about making changes. Which is why I’m pretty content with my lot.

    • Chris says:

      Actually I am not bitter nor a misogynist……..but I am a bit of a japester and an imp. I have no desire to put women in their place. My problem is that I have spent too much time round women……only had sisters, no brothers, only had daughters no sons. This has given me a bit of an irreverent attitude toward women over the years……overfamiliarity and all that….. ‘specially my sisters, they used to play every trick in the book ! I just do not see women as the ‘prize’ or the ‘princess’, if you see what I mean.

      • Lydia says:

        I don’t we want to be a prize or a princess – just equally loved as if you really love someone they you each think you’ve won a prize.

    • EmGee says:

      “This site is doing nothing to raise my spirits. I can do that better on my own.”

      Ms P very graciously lets us spout pretty much what is on our minds in the comments section. Sometimes the free sharing of ideas and opinions is invigorating, sometimes it is not, but nobody is forcing you to read it, or participate.

      This isn’t a support group, if you need your spirits raised look elsewhere, try a site whose aim is to make you feel good, or find a good therapist.

    • Carolyn- when Fi and MG wrote about how women can be self supporting, independent, take care of yourselves financially as well as in terms of your maintaining own health needs WITHOUT men, and I wrote that “the jig appears to be up,” I was being facetious- I wasn’t serious, I was mocking a mindset and an attitude that from what I’ve read, mostly (although not entirely) disappeared during the era that my parents were in their teen and their college years way back in yestercentury- at least in western Europe, the U.S. and Canada- sadly that attitude is still very alive and well in other parts of the world into the 21st century….

  • zoe says:

    That’s a shame Carolyn. I am broadly of your view. Although I find the complaint oft-repeated here that middle-aged men are only interested in younger women exaggerated. That’s not what I see. That’s not what I experience. Although that’s not to say that there aren’t fewer men available to middle aged-women than there are women available to middle–aged men. Thats another issue, of which james b’s-acquaintance who draws the line at estate agents is but a part – but we shouldn’t confuse the two. It’s also the case that this imbalance – and I’m talking here in numerical terms – would also be addressed in part if women would give themselves permission to act on their attractions to younger men. Certainly, since I have allowed younger men to register on my radar my life is the more enjoyable for it.

    • Carolyn says:

      Hi Zoe. Sorry. My reply below is for Fi. I whole-heartedly agree with you See my original post above. All the best 🙂

  • Carolyn says:

    Enjoying men in a superficial sense, as they very often choose to do with us (read my original post) is not disliking the opposite sex is it? I had a lovely friendly, happy, respectful relationship with my young lover. It just ran its course. I am choosing to do as men very often choose to do and enjoying it. That is one form of feeling empowered. If men can enjoy that way of living their lives, so can women. Don’t attack women who enjoy that. Post -reproductive years it is a very good solution. Older woman/younger man works well. Whatever your views you don’t sound very happy. I do hope that you work things out and find happiness in a way that works well for you. I respect any decisions women make to find their happiness relationship-wise, except where it deliberately hurts another. The point is that it is their choice.

    • fi says:

      Nobody on this site is saying you shouldn’t be with younger men.

    • Chris says:

      Carolyn……..I agree with you…..go for it, enjoy those younger men. Why not, each of us has the right to enjoy our lives as we see fit. Trouble with the UK is too many people want to tell you what you should do, what you should wear, what is age appropriate behaviour blah blah blah. Nice point you make about not hurting people.

    • malcolm says:

      So Carolyn’s advice to men is to make themselves emotionally available to women their own age, and her advice to women is to superficially enjoy men younger than themselves. Pointing out the hypocrisy makes one a misogynist apparently.

      I would imagine that resenting something that men do, and then going out and doing it yourself just because men do it would not be empowering at all. It must be tough to pine after the very thing you despise so much.

  • James B says:

    I think the older woman, younger man thing is going to become very common indeed. Some people are more focused on looks and physicality than others, some like youthful energy and enthusiasm – and why not I guess?

    The thing is nowadays, if a person really looks after themselves they can appear to be 10-15 years younger than they are by the time they are, say 49. In the same way, a 49 year old who does not look after themselves can look 65! Money, health, exercise, intelligence, emotional health – all these can and will show up on a person’s face clearly when they hit middle age. I met a 62 year-old woman the other day who I swear could easily pass for 35. She looks fantastic and has a love of life that shines through.

    With good diet, eyelashes, fake tan, exercise – a middle aged woman can actually, out attract a younger woman on so many levels. Add to that, sexual, social, financial, intellectual, emotional and cultural experience and judgement and it is no surprise that we are witnessing a trend where younger men are falling for much older women. I know many cases of this happening around me.

    I think the tables are turning actually and that gradually, women will dominate in middle age. It is taking time, but ‘technology’ allows middle aged females to look very good indeed (not surgery – which is an extreme). Men will go for looks initially of course, so as long as one has made an effort there, the dating pool is far bigger than one might first fear.
    As always, really, the challenge is to find someone to have a close, fun, meaningful, mutually satisfying relationship with. That is difficult, even if one looks like Sienna Miller.

    • Chris says:

      James, you are fulla shit. You think cosying up to modern woman is gonna get you laid ? Jesus , guys like you make me laugh man. Look the reason younger guys and youngers go for older is……money !!! You think some young gal wants to be stuck with an ol git or some young guy wants to be stuck with some old bag…….yeah right, money my man. You know, do you ever ask young people what they think? Nah, thought not. We are in danger of becoming a bunch of dirty old men and women, chasing youth who despise us. Not a good look.

  • rosie says:

    Carolyn, Plankton’s great blog was hijacked ages ago by chronically single, ‘happy and content’ middle-aged women, who routinely attack other women and flirt with the bored misogynists in the belief it makes them look happy and content.

  • nick says:

    I think middle aged women and young men should date, they both want the same thing – superficial flings. Keep it disposable ladies. If overweight plain middle aged women want the George cloony types, then what about the complete stunners…..they must be completely out of everyone’s league. Of course its Darwinian – those that price themselves too high, have spinsterdom ahead of them, and just die out . Many men have more realistic goals, true good looks are one of many priorities, but attractiveness is not the only fruit, and that’s why you find them all married. Trying to find any relationship with any longevity and some substance is not possible anymore for a man of 45 like me, you have to go abroad. Many foreign women will not see you as an ATM, to be thrown away like an old razor when your cash runs dry.

    • Lydia says:

      I think it’s fairly gender neutral. Some humans want what they will never find so they never find it. Others are more open to others. Most end up with someone with a similar level of attractiveness and similar BMI/weight level.

      Some women and men go for someone younger who is usually relatively impoverished and that deal is like a pair of scales – you accept the older uglier person because they are going to keep you. Most people don’t want that balance.
      I don’t think I have ever read that “foreign women will not see you as an ATM” ! There is a world wide scam where women abroad want meal ticket men and men need to beware.

      • Muriel says:

        Nick
        If you think women from other countries target British men because they’re just so incredibly attractive then your vanity is running away with itself. The motivation is primarily financial and an ATM is exactly what you’ll be. And they may well be pleasanter, and more willing to put up with a lot of BS because financially it’s worth it to them. They’ll smile, because that’s what they’re paid to do. Relationships are a lot more tricky when the parties are on an equal footing.

      • Muriel says:

        In any case, Nick, I don’t really mind at all if you and your ilk go shopping for a Thai bride, because something tells me that you & I would never hit it off, so I would breathe a sigh of relief if y’all did.

    • Chris says:

      Nick, the ol’ hags got no hope of bagging a George Clooney lookalike. Get real my man. Want Brad Pitt? Better look like Angelina Jolie…..or butt out. That’s reality my man.

      • Lydia says:

        Yes, fat men with fat women. Slim pretty women with slim good looking men. It’s gender neutal on the whole unless you are looking at the fat ugly middle aged British man who cannot find anyone in the UK with the very slim pretty impoverished foreigner and she is delighted with him as he does not beat her nor drink and as long as those two things are not present and as long as he can keep her she has struck the lottery.

  • nick says:

    true , neither of us would compromise in any case. indeed your right, may foreign sites are scams, but legitimate ones are available, and not because they are visa migrants or indeed because of financial reasons.

    the australian/asia boom is accelarating at a pace; and if i were to reside in thailand for instance, most brides would be over the moon (closer to family, jobs available and so forth should they wish to keep working etc. ) – though thats a big step for most middleaged men.

    a good number of asian ladies hold BA and MA degrees, and can speak perfect english. the agencies i speak to agree in many ways they are already equal to men in some ways, but the men are not just seeking a complient wife (which is somewhat a fantasy in any case), its their femininity and their caring easy-going nature thats more valued. men find the commonplace of ridicule and disposabilty of the western relationships intolerable so seek alternatives.

    • Muriel says:

      Nick
      What are you waiting for then? Go for it. But don’t expect your Thai bride to go Dutch. Or pay for anything, ever. That will be your part of the bargain.

    • Chris says:

      Nick…..I met 3 foreign women in UK. Have not related to a UK woman for 20 years…..and never will again……don’t need to. And they wouldn’t want me anyway, which is fine by me. They’ll tell you I’m bitter or a mysoginist. No I’m not, I love women, but not the overweight overdemanding hags they breed here.

      • Jo says:

        Chris. I don’t think that anything you have ever uttered here, would give the impression that you ‘love women’…
        Quite the opposite in fact…….

    • Elle says:

      Nick, some Asian ladies have PhDs, would you believe that? They even come over to the West to earn their own money and live independent lives. One Filipina lady I know is even single by choice. Your attitude insults Filipina and other Asian women like her who have worked hard and want to live independent lives.

    • Lydia says:

      It’s gender neutral. Unattractive middle aged British women often go to Africa for a much younger attractive spouse.

      However marriages with someone with whom you have a shared culture and things in common and similar background do tend to work best so it is not always wise and when it breaks up the other person often steals the children away to the home country.

  • James B says:

    Nick – you seem angry with British women! 45 is not old anyway, but in the same way that many women become stuck in a rut and become less confident and optimistic, surely your outlook will not help you in find someone appropriate and less materialistic in the UK. You must have met some horrible females to have become so pessimistic about local women. Am I right? Your language is very strong “Commonplace of ridicule and disposability”. Wow. Some horrible people must have crossed your path.

    There is nothing wrong with looking abroad though, for something different. It is true that all of us could benefit from a more international and tolerant outlook. The same goes of course for the women. Why not look internationally? If something is not working, why not shake it up a little? But in any case, we all need to be happy with ourselves before getting into a relationship. Or else it’s just one unhappy person +1.

    • Muriel says:

      James
      Because international is, like, far away, and I live here, with my kids, and my job is here. I’ve already had one ” international” marriage -never, ever, again. I don’t mind where a person is FROM but my number one criteria would be that they LIVE within 40 miles. As there are perhaps 100,000 people who do, that doesn’t seem completely insane.

      • Muriel says:

        But I agree that if you’re miserable finding a partner won’t cure what ails you. Wherever they’re from.

    • Jill says:

      @ James B – I have not commented on here for quite a while, partly because I have been busily preparing to move house at the end of next month after living here for well over thirty years, but also because I have not been able to identify or sympathise with a good deal of what has been said on here recently. However, I do read “The Plankton” whenever there is a new post, and try to cast an eye over the comments from time to time. I just want to congratulate you on your consistently wise observations about the single state and human nature. I know that you are married and I am convinced that you must have an extremely contented wife and a successful partnership as a result of your very enlightened and emotionally intelligent overview of relationships. I think that your contributions are a welcome voice of reason amidst those which are less so. You are a fortunate woman indeed, Mrs. B….!

    • Lydia says:

      It certainly pays to think about what you are looking for and revise it from time to time if it isn’t working. Also plenty of people are happy single too. I agree with Fi above who said too many women think men will cure their problems, whereas you are more likely to be attractive as a person if your problems are already solved and you can solve them yourself and earn enough to keep yourself. Equality has its merits.

    • nick says:

      thanks james for your words, yes all the women i have met have been emotionaly hard – so i have always had to be the same, or they could’ve seriously damaged me financially + otherwise. The best is – they didnt care either, just move on, another marridge, another child, another divorce – hey watsit matter …..another mug will be coming round the corner soon…

      i think i take marriage too seriously, i would like to get wed once, (like my parents 50yrs wed) – and it should be to someone i can rely on, and basically pulling with me not against me…..and of course i would support them, and indeed want them to be truly happy as well. what husband wouln’t.

      i find the women i have encountered to not only be promiscuous and have the worst traits of men – serious drinking n’ smoking, but its all sooo vapid their attitude to relationships – sorry to say, but its what i’ve seen. thats why a foreign woman has such a lot to offer – and i know its got a lot of pitfalls and i need my head screwed on, to go down that route. of course i’d like a woman from my own culture (ideally), but if i have to embrace a new one, then i will . – well looks like i’ll have to.

      • Jill says:

        I find what you say, Nick, truly sad, and am appalled that you have been given cause to have formed such a poor opinion of women in this country. I can only think that you have been exceptionally unlucky in those whom you have encountered. Of course, marriage should be taken seriously and you are absolutely correct to aspire to a long and happy life with someone of a similar outlook. I wish you the very best of luck in achieving what you seek.

      • Muriel says:

        Nick
        If you keep having bad experiences with unpleasant women, the common denominator is you and your “picker” is broken. You’re looking in the wrong places and valuing the wrong qualities. Also “like attracts like”, it may be that you are seeing what you project reflected back.
        Foreign women aren’t a different species, they have the same needs as the rest of us, so you are likely to find them a disappointment too unless you make some changes. But you sound more inclined to blame others for difficulties.

      • Jo says:

        It doesn’t matter who you are. Man or woman. If there has been the same long pattern of negative and damaging relationships, then there is more to it than ‘bad luck’ and generalised assumptions that all women/men are the same..
        The clue is in the word ‘pattern’. That’s where the examination of self and behaviour should lie….
        It is too simplistic – and frankly ludicrous – to write off the entire gender with the belief that ‘that’s what they’re all like.’ That’s the pattern that you have experienced. There is always more to it…And you are part of that same pattern, for whatever (probably unconcious) reason..
        That’s the truth of it. However unpalatable it may be to face up to it.

      • Chris says:

        y’know Nick, I don’t know how to say this but I think part of the problem a lot of guys like you have is that you self project what you think a woman should be onto women……and then you are disappointed. But the women have not disappointed you, you have only disappointed yourself through your expectation. Women drank, smoked and were promiscuous…..so go party brother……but don’t get hung up on them. Now here’s a question. We know there are loads of women who have much quieter more sober lifestyles……but do you find those women attractive? Seems like you find a certain kind of woman attractive…….and then complain about her because she does not meet the rest of your ‘tick list’ requirements. Hey, guess what, you are starting to sound like a modern western woman !!

        Regarding foreign women. You are attracted to foreign women who smoke/drink, are promiscuous etc…….well, guess what, they got them in other countries to. The only difference is they are probably thinner. Again, if you go foreign you can find nice conservative ladies….but is that what you want? What I mean is that we as man have to take responsibility for ourselves and not just project our disappointment with relationships onto women, saying it is all their fault, they have all the worst traits of men blah blah blah You know, be careful with foreign women, they know just how dumb western men are, they know your self esteem has been battered by years of western femenism. Every year western guys go to Thailand, the girls tell them ‘what handsome man you are’, the fat slob gets carried away, no gal in the west ever told him that. In no time at all our cold hearted but flattering Thai girl has tapped into his bank account via his heart. And they are good at that, I have known more than one guy come home from that country stony broke and conned. Heck, some guys send money to girls they have only met on the internet !! Foreign women can be very very nice but like all women they are only human. If you never put any woman on a pedestal you can’t go far wrong.

      • fi says:

        Chris, I think this is a great response. I think it’s interesting too what people do look for as like all the choices we make it reveals much about the type of person we are. As other people here have said we don’t accidentally keep selecting the same type.

      • nick says:

        Good points all, true my picker is probably way out of tune, and although I’m not finding these women in all the same places, they all turn out the same. Indeed one woman I really got on with, eventually listened to her friends to dump me as they assumed I was married/had another girlfriend/ serial cheater etc. (none of it was true); and I think the women I’m running into have such a suspicious mind about men, I’m hitting a brick wall.

        Absolutely not, I would be looking for the exact opposite in a foreign woman, one who doesn’t live a chaotic lifestyle with phyco ex’s in the background, and the many vices I’ve encountered – I’m more than tired of that. And yes I’ve heard some terrible stories too from foreign women, a wheelchair bound guy was taken to the cleaners a few years ago who lives about 7 house down from me, but when you dig deeper you find out she was a bar girl and had 3 other boyfriends – but there are ways and means to vet those type of women out. Sadly I’ve become emotionally hard enough to not fall for the foreign women who are not what they appear to be. I’ll be going, knowing all the pitfalls for sure.

        The final straw was around Christmas and I went on one of these dating nights, (not speed dating but more a dinner party thing) – and the women chatted about themselves and were so self-absorbed they asked me very few questions, and just talked about themselves, their kids and ex’s, house prices etc etc… By the end I wondered why I’d even bothered, I’d gone with an open mind, but I felt like if I had got hooked up with any of those women, I’d be seen more as someone to save them social embarrassment at being single when they go to friends parties and suchlike – rather than have any meaningful rapport with them.

        I would want something more like my parents have, but I’m pragmatic about it, and I cant take any bitterness with me into the next relationship that’s true. What I want, they don’t sell anymore, unless I take the leap with a genuine agency that has serious genuine women who want to find likeminded men for long term relationships. And they are available abroad.

        The thing is my resources are finite, and being divorced 2-3 times would ruin me, but I don’t want to live the single life either. So yes I have to go into these things with my eyes wide open, but I’m sure happiness doesn’t lye in my own country.

      • Jo says:

        Nick. My comment on June the 4th (9.50pm), was primarily to you….

  • rosie says:

    I’m shocked that urbane, witty sophisticates like Chris and Nick can’t find a woman in this country. Truly.

    • no surprise that I can’t, though?

      then again I live in the suburbs of New York City….

    • Jill says:

      Possibly they are failing to do so because they prefer empathy to sarcasm, and have been damaged by relationships lacking the former?

    • Chris says:

      Hey, Rosie, I have pretty much always had a woman, just for the last 20 years they have all been of foreign origin, but met in UK, met in the city where I live actually. In fact, probably met within 10 miles of where I live.
      Now, as an aside, I have never set out to please women. But is that what women really want, some little creep who is always trying to please them? Just think, do women really want in a man what they contend to want? I would say no. Look at some of the lovely characters in the UK who seemingly had no problem in attracting women. Levi Belfield had 11 children with 4 different women. Mark Bridger had 6 children with 4 different women. Hardly seems like these guys sex lives were bereft. So I can only ask, what is it that women REALLY look for in a man?

  • rosie says:

    Possibly, Jill, or possibly they’re just a couple of losers who hate women.

    • Jill says:

      Fair enough comment, Rosie, but (naturally!) I prefer my theory to yours. And that is no reflection on you…..you are just as entitled as I am to voice an opinion. That is – or should be – the basis for this blog, is it not?

  • James B says:

    It only takes ONE person to make a very good partner. Just one. So it does not matter if you have to talk to 23,000 women first, Nick, just keep going. There are loads of great, genuine women out there. I think you are meeting the wrong women in the wrong places. Change the search mechanism.

    I read today that a Harvard study reckoned that Internet sourced relationships last more robustly than those that began in ‘real-world’ environments such as bars or the workplace. Interesting stuff…

    • Elle says:

      Who funded the Harvard Study, was it e-Harmony or Parship?

      • James B says:

        I think Harvard don’t really go in for that sort of thing. It came from a sociological study and apparently the academics were expecting the opposite result. They gave no reasons for this outcome. I will try and post a link if I can find one.

  • Once again, in the absence of any availability of the real thing, I’m reading another sex comedy this month- Admittedly hardly much of a substitute, but I’m now reading “Drink, Play, F@#K: One Man’s Search For Anything Across Ireland, Vegas And Thailand,” by Andrew Gottlieb (Grove Atlantic, Inc./ Black Cat Press, 2009).

    This book is the story about a man whose wife very suddenly and inexplicably decides to leave him after years of a seemingly very stable marriage, living together in the suburbs- Our narrator/ protagonist/ husband character cannot understand at all why his wife decided to leave him so suddenly- He first goes binge drinking in the bars throughout Ireland, then he goes on a gambling binge throughout Nevada, and during the latter chapters of this book, his journey takes him on a tour through the brothels of Bangkok- And he discovers that never in his entire life has he felt so alive then during the course of his travels, each day being more vibrant and exhilarating than the previous !!!

    This book is very amusing and it is very cleverly written, the storyline seems somehow vaguely familiar to me though, I just can’t seem to place where I might have heard something like this somewhere before …. ….. …. hmmm, perhaps there’s a hint somewhere within the title?

    • fi says:

      That sounds an excellent book. Am off to kindle it for my holiday 🙂

    • Elle says:

      “He first goes binge drinking in the bars throughout Ireland”

      So he went native in Ireland then. There is an old saying that an Irish man would crawl across ten naked women to get to a pint.

      It sounds like a good book though. I’d read “Drink, Play, F@#k” before I’d read “Eat, Pray, Love”.

      Scott, have you seen any of the “Father Ted” series? If so you will know there’s a character in it whose catchphrase is “Drink, A#se, Feck”.

  • RS says:

    More James B, and Lou Smorrals (I wish he’d come back) and heck, even Chris if he continues to give reasonable answers as above regarding the self-projecting – and less of the “red pill”, “western women are an alien species” “beta men like me don’t stand a chance” Nick please.
    Most of the women commenting here have made it clear, through what they’ve written, that they don’t have the same attitude as the women Nick seems to be encountering. Yet he persists in the belief that all “Western” women are superficial, money-grubbing, demanding, deluded, selfish, etc etc. There’s no dialogue possible if you can’t be open to seeing the other side of things.

  • James B says:

    I was wondering earlier, if one prerequisite of a good long term relationship is being more interested in the other person than in oneself?

    Of course a single person will sound more self-absorbed than they might should they have a partner to worry about and be inspired with.

    But still… many of my single friends do seem extraordinarily preoccupied with their personal emotional states of mind. Could that be a consequence or a cause of their single state? I think being emotionally open (as well as open to change and compromise) is an essential part of relationships. It is so hard to be open and emotionally outward when one is lonely though. Still, occasionally I detect a closed self-sustaining attitude occasionally which does not make any of us happy…

    • Jo says:

      Very true James B.
      As well as being (and showing) interest in the other person, I’ve very often wondered – on hearing from/ reading comments here – if people are placing due importance on what THEY (in italics) have to offer?
      (For want of a better phrase..)
      Too much of the time it seems so one-sided…

  • xxdfarre says:

    Not on the real subject at all, but just loved Carolyn’s throw-away remark of never joining a Book Club because of her degree in literature – not just English but US too. Hello! Get over yourself! Have you tickets on yourself? How far up yourself are you?.

    • Muriel says:

      Ah well, I had a little sympathy with thought. I’m in a book group and sometimes the book choices are, shall we say, not very challenging, and the discussion of the books a bit lame. If she is a clever person why should she dumb down?
      Personally, I like the wine and pizza and sometimes it’s a giggle, and it gets me out the house for little cost, though as a strategy for meeting men it’s a dead loss. Mostly middle aged women. I believe sailing is the way to go for that, loads of healthy men. Too bad I hate everything about sailing and get seasick.

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