June 21, 2013 § 160 Comments

Well, SYT dumped me.  Who would have guessed, eh?

On my birthday following a wonderful evening.  The timing could have been a little less audacious but I guess young men aren’t famed for their sensitivity to women.

Odd creatures, men.  Is it me, or do they have a habit of raving about the successor to the predecessor?  What the fuck is that about?  My ex-husband told me about the detailed nature of my successor’s singular way of coming.  A superfluous image I find hard to eviscerate, even to this day.  I wonder if nearly a decade and a certain amount of domestic bliss and child-bearing later, her orgasms are quite so startling and note-worthy.  Oh, for his sake, I do very hope so.

At least SYT restrained himself on that score.  Just.   But raved about Successor nonetheless.  Her youth!  Her talent!  Oh, my, the things they have in common!  Their mutual attraction!  Their understanding of each other!  Bless.

Are predecessors, for men, transformed automatically into confidantes?  Or is that my special feature?  Last fucking person they should be telling, oh, but can they resist?  Well, not with me they can’t.  None of them.  (And I’ve never got the impression that the inverse happens, that when I am the successor, my predecessor is getting the rave reviews about me and wanting to stick her fingers down her no longer happily-yielding throat.  Where’s the justice?)  While I may have stood on the roof tops waving the bunting at my ex-husband about the fact I was (was!) seeing a man (at fucking last), somewhat junior to him (tra la!), feminine tact and kindness dictated that I did not compare the size of his cock or his oral technique with that of his leaner, fitter, less grey pubed, more sizeable afterword.

Anyway, what does it matter now?  Such nuance, such diplomacy: redundant, for  SYT is toast.

On my own head was it.  All along.

Meeting someone else.  Well, that was inevitable.  I knew THAT, all along.  Suppose I just kinda (kinda! ? WTF?  Who am I?  American?  14?: KIND OF) hoped it wouldn’t have been quite so soon.  In fact, if it had been 3 days after my birthday that would have been OK and I could have been all cool and oh-so-sanguine, because two days after it we had a night out, long planned, and that would have been nice if it had ended more intimately than it did, as opposed to me driving home alone to an empty house at two in the bloody morning, my very headlights shining REJECT with all the swagger of Blackpool’s illuminations.  (Do other women allow this sort of thing to happen?  Men to wank on about their new lovers?  Call it successor-wanking.  Or is it just me?  World’s most capacious mug?)  It would have been faintly more amusing had I not been dropping him home like a dutiful mother, back from the party past the witching-hour, directly into the taut , eager and waiting squelch of my successor’s distinctly younger and better-alternative-less-child-bear-y-less-silo-like cunt.

Ach!  Forgive me.  Cross.  But not surprised.  Not bitter.  Swear.

Fool me.  I had it coming.  (Or not, as the case may be!)


Cross.  Today.

But not for long.

Already scrabbling about for more irons if not in the fire – there are no irons; there is no fucking fire – then at least for the odd popping-its-clogs ember.  In the ashes.


§ 160 Responses to Ex-Cougar

  • Sarah says:

    I think it’s you, P. No man has ever ‘wanked’ on to me about their successor. But if you behave like a doormat they will treat you like one. Why did you let him go on about her?

  • fi says:

    I’m afraid you DID know how it would end before you got into it. It couldn’t realistically be any other way. Maybe next time don’t set out to seduce young men.
    It was you who posted on here that that was what you wanted to do, and that you knew it was only a short term thing, so don’t pretend it was anything else now or that you’ve been taken advantage of. Learn from it and move on.

      • fi says:

        Sorry. 😉
        But I can’t be the only person who thinks you cause your own problems.

      • The Plankton says:

        I am sure not. Pxx

      • fi says:

        Well you know, he explained to you he’d met someone else as opposed to just ignoring your calls until you gave up contacting him. Which is the right thing to do so give him credit for that. And I wonder if you actually asked him to tell you what your replacement was like? It would be odd to say the least for anybody to sit down with the dumpee and start telling them about how fantastic their replacement is without any prompting

      • The Plankton says:

        I do give him credit for that. We are still friends. I still like him, as in like, as opposed to want sex with. Though that too. No! Joke! Pxx

  • Barry Twyman says:

    OOOH ! I love it when you get dirty mouthed P ….lol
    I am shocked that “Men” regale a woman they are parting with with the details of the next conquest ….never done that …but not had lots of conquests either …

    Good for you with the “Up an’ At ‘Em ” attitude ….. BTW …I bet you look Lovely when you’re angry xxx

    Thanks for the blog ….keeps my imagination working overtime sometimes.

  • jil333 says:

    A gentleman should not talk of his past or present conquests.Each lover is different,and not to be compared.I think you’re well out of this demeaning relationship with SYT or whatever you called him last. Stick to men your own age; tried and trusted. Be yourself…

    • The Plankton says:

      Indeed. If there were any men my own age or weren’t married, gay or deranged. I live in hope. Pxx

      • Roger Murphy says:


        As a totally screwed up gentleman of a mature age, methinks you shud try not trying so damn hard…i would love to give you one on one …INFO.. but no pm capablitly anyway let me know if you need to get in touch email me AOM.ADELPHI@GMAIL.COM

      • zoe says:

        Roger, I’m sorry to be the one to break this to you, but P will never contact anyone who says shud. Ever.

  • amouette says:

    Oh, blow the blokes P, so when are you going to write that novel, or are you doing so even now?

  • Lydia says:

    I do have a good few men who confide in me and I don’t mind it but ex boyfriends have been very gallant and not gone on to me about what the next person is like. That’s the correct way to behave.

    However some people want to share details of sex stuff with a partner. If they are both happy with that and no one’s confidentiality is breached then it’s fine. It is much more common though that men want a huge load of sexual detail from me in which case I tend to write – I am not a free masturbatory aid and I might as well be charging if you want me to go into all that which tends to shut them up.

    The post always seem as if plankton thinks plankton is plankton instead of equally of value to any man plankton might see. I think this is the core of it. I am lucky to have any man and he is lucky to have me. It is an equal thing of mutual happiness. It is not about my scraping the bottle of the barrel to dredge up just about anything and be grateful for it. I think this is all about self esteem, depression, alcohol and internal issues and nothing much to do with relationships and men.

    Also our differences are that for me a night without people is a wonderful thing and I adore my own company. When I don’t have boyfriend that’s fine. I suspect plankton is very sociable and has more social events in most weeks than I would ever want or have in a month. I turn just about every one of them down. (I have such a rare cold – first for years – I can’t even get out to something arranged tomorrow).

  • Stefanie Johnson says:

    P…I do not think you are the only woman who has listened to her ex talk about his new lover. My father left my mother for a younger, more attractive woman, and felt it appropriate to share details of his sex life with my mom over coffee, after discussing child support. She quickly put an end to such chummy discussions. A man I had a brief but passionate affair with, who knew I still had strong feelings for him, felt the need to share with me how “wonderful and kInd” his new lover was, a girl 22 years his junior!! I think many men lose all sensitivity and become truly emotionally retarded when they are infatuated with a new lover. They want to share their excitement, and often they still have warm feelings towards the ex, (you in this case), and decide, foolishly, that you are a good person with whom to share. Painful, I know. I laughed but also felt like crying when I read your last paragraph. As a nearly 44-year-old who has carried and borne four children, I often worry that I am “silo-like” in a certain very important area, and that I cannot possibly fully satisfy a man. It is really sad, because I have the sex drive all men dream of their partner having, am adventurous and confident, overall…just don’t have the vagina I once had. Anyway, I can very much relate to your life. I do think you can be far too hard on yourself, and that maybe this comes through with men who are good candidates for you. I have to fight against this myself. We tend to focus on the men who only want gorgeous young things, or the men who want us who are 70 years old, but I know there are some good men out there who want women close to them in age and experience. This may be a very American/self-help thing to say, but try to love yourself and appreciate all that you offer as a “mature” woman, don’t give a shit, really, what men think, and the right man will eventually come your way.

  • Kelly M. says:

    Ah, shit Plankton, I am sorry you are going through this…no matter how prepared we think we are for the “inevitable” break up of a fling, it still hurts. Feelings can’t help but come up no matter how hard we try to stop it. Yes, he did tell you up front instead of playing hide and seek with you, true. Still, he could have been a bit more gracious about it, all the same. I like what jil333 had to say regarding “a gentleman…” However, “sticking with men your own age” isn’t as easy as it seems, as you pointed out. Good luck Plankton, and be good to yourself. You will heal. Just sucks that it hurts during the process.

    P.S. You vent in a very talented way! I enjoy your posts very much! 🙂

  • jil333 says:

    I do too. But,actually you might have a more exciting life than us married people…

  • maria says:

    Oh well, P, f*ck him! I hope his new shining girlfriend turns out to be a major bitch, who ends out dumping him for a richer, better endowed man.
    And your ex-husband, what a prick! You really are so much nicer than me, hearing him bragging about his girlfriend’s orgasms. If it was me, I wouldn’t shut up about my young, fit, gorgeous boyfriend and his huge cock!
    Chin up P, a new, better twinkle will come along, I’m sure.

  • Simon says:

    Fuck him he`s not worth the thinking time! Ring me??? x

  • EmGee says:

    I’m always sorry to hear that a relationship hasn’t worked out, and I totally agree with Fi and Stefanie’s posts. A doormat will put up with some pretty atrocious behavior (and if she wasn’t one, he wouldn’t have dared bring it up, lest she throw her drink in his face and storm out) and men go full retard when their hormones are doing their thinking for them. I can’t believe he told you this on a dinner date, on YOUR BIRTHDAY. Even if it was understood that the relationship was temporary, it is still mind bogglingly insensitive.

    As mentioned, at least he told you, and didn’t just disappear, I’ll grant him a Participation Ribbon for that. Then again, if memory serves, he may be someone you deal with professionally, and wouldn’t want to risk issues on that front by not telling you. I hope I am wrong about that.

    • fi says:

      What a bastard. Allowing himself to be seduced by a willing older more experienced woman for a short term fling, then finding a woman his own age instead.

      • Muriel says:

        I don’t actually think the age gap is the big issue; age gap relationships (in either direction) can be very successful. It’s more that he didn’t want a relationship, and that was always plain. There’s plenty of older men that are players too.

      • fi says:

        He was just a normal young bloke who was seduced by an older woman. The age gap is only relevant in that he would have approached it the same way P did ie that it was a temporary fling. And he found someone he liked more and has more in common with, not least because she is his age. Like all the women here who say they don’t want a man 20 years older but expect men 20 years younger to want them. If anyone is a ‘player’ it can be argued it’s P.

      • Muriel says:

        You keep repeating that she “seduced” him; I am not quite sure why. The balance of power was always with him and he would have known it. It was always his decision if/when they got together and he knew it. Also P did want more than casual and he would have known that too. I disagree that all young men would have done the same thing, many young men are
        principled about that sort of thing. We do have a duty to ourselves not to get into situations which don’t work for us, but saying that all men will do anything for a shag is pretty stereotyped and also dismissive of men.
        P wouldn’t be the first person who started a casual thing hoping she would get upgraded into the girlfriend, but it rarely happens.

        Also, he may be full of enthusiasm for New Girl now, but if he’s got the habit of casual/shagging around, his
        eye will likely start wandering before too long. (especially when she starts expecting him to step up and be a proper boyfriend). Just a thought.

      • fi says:

        “He glances at my cleavage (which gets more unbuttoned by the day) and mentions sex in a provocative way, but of course I cannot be sure how provocative because I wonder how such a heavenly younger man as he could possibly be interested in me, even if when I look in the long mirror I believe that my body, far from having deteriorated, is in fact better than it was when I was seventeen.

        I am not expecting the earth, but just some fun; and a nice time, goddammit, however fleeting it would necessarily be.  Only how to know what the hell is going through his mind?  How to interpret signals which may not be signals at all?  How to move this thing on without making a total arse of myself, and before the souffle of my body and hope collapses entirely?”

      • Muriel says:

        Mutual flirting, not one party “seducing” the other. He may have been younger, but he wasn’t a schoolboy, as your choice of words implies.
        The mistake is not sleeping with a younger man, it is sleeping with someone with whom you are not in a relationship, and either overestimating your own capacity to remain emotionally detached, or hoping that you can sex them into a relationship.

      • Fi says:

        i agree with your last sentence. I’d be sympathetic if P was under 25.

    • The Plankton says:

      The funny thing is, he isn’t like that on purpose. He obviously thought about it and thought he was doing the right thing. Perhaps he was, but it didn’t feel like it at the time. Pxx

  • Muriel says:

    I am sorry. Ive been there myself in the past and it hurts. And that’s why I can’t do casual. It’s a very little bit of pleasure, and then a lot of heartache after. Not worth it. I am told there are women who can enjoy having casual partners, but I have never met one. Most of us are just not built that way.
    Sex has to be the icing on the cake – the cake is love, trust, & commitment. If you have icing on it’s own you get the sugar rush high but it makes you sick.
    Don’t let him booty call you again; in fact I would cut all contact as it will only make you feel worse.

    • Muriel says:

      Oh yeah, and another reason I would cut contact is because he is a narcissist and devoid of empathy. You’ve got plenty going on in your life, and you don’t need him stinking it up for you. You have been a doormat, but don’t continue by offering or accepting the “friendship” card.
      He’s just not that special.

    • MissM says:

      I love the cake and icing example for explaining why casual sex is so unsatisfactory to most women. Simple and clear, brilliant.

  • june says:

    O dear P, sorry to hear this. But its happened once and may happen again. You are at least still of an age when men of your own age can be in reasonable shape. Spare a thought for us over 60s, Did anyone see the First Dates programne on channel 4.and the over 60s male,in his sports jacket, collar and tie, boring for england discussing clocks and knitting! Seemed a nice enougth man with a bit of a tragic story to tell but honestly if thats all a 60 plus woman can hope for, i dont think ill bother. i dont feel remotely ready and old enough for that, and it depresses me to think thats all i can hope for. i dont think him and i would have much in common.

    • Muriel says:

      Well clearly he wasn’t to your taste, but he was just one guy. Also, just cos he’s into knitting, and wears a sports coat, doesnt mean he’s a write-off in other areas, if you catch my drift!
      People can be very surprising!

  • june says:

    Muriel i read the other day that men get “a bit strange” when get to 65 and its my experience they do. The few attractive reasonable ones have partners and i think it says it all that the divorce rate has gone up only in the 60 plus age range, instigated by women. Women over 60 seem to stay much younger than men i think, and personally the only unattached men over 60 ive met quite frankly are a complete turn off.

    • Muriel says:

      Well this is something you hear at every age.
      When you are in your twenties, all the men just want to shag around.
      When you are in your thirties, all the good men are already married.
      When you are in your forties, they all want younger.
      When you are in your fifties they still want younger.
      When you are in your sixties, they are all unattractive, married or dead.
      When you are in your seventies they really are all dead.
      It’s amazing anyone ever gets married.

      • june says:

        Haha Muriel thats a good summing up of it all,rings true i guess. And i really think Fi wrong to say woman want men 20 years younger. I dont know any who would, woman are realists its men who think they can attract much younger women, Im over over 60 i wouldnt think any man in 40s would fancy me but a hell of a lot of men would think a woman in 40s would. All i want is someone without one foot in grave, i feel young for age and have looked after myself ji just want a man who is same, and has looked after himself but sadly very few are or do, ,but id certainly not want anyon e younger than mid 50s.

    • jil333 says:

      I suppose you mean that men become set in their ways at age 60+ !

  • Redbookish says:

    Oh Ms P, I am so sorry. And those upbraiding you upthread should have a little compassion. SYT behaved appallingly, telling you all about his new girlfriend — just rubbing it in that you were a “friend.” Much sympathy — been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Given up, basically.Most men are wankers really.

  • therugbymom says:

    Fuck him. Feed him a fish head. Say Buh-bye and mean it. I’m so sorry the SYT turned out to be an assoholic, but we all know quite well that none of us are guaranteed a happy ending.

    I see two positive results from this debacle.
    1) You won’t be wasting any more time wondering/waiting on his next move. Anger will motivate you to step up your game, and potential suitors are going to have to play by your rules now.
    2) A pissed off Ms P = unplugged filter = WIN for the blog! This post was fuckin’ hilarious! Thank God I was only drinking water (so it didn’t burn too much when it shot out of my nose) as I laughed so hard at you telling us what you really feel! I love you! (Again, I’m truly sorry my amusement comes from your suffering.) I wish I could take you out drinking right now!

  • justanotherman says:

    P – Most of the comments here have elements of truth in them, some more compassionate than others, some revealing unhappy experiences. However if you go down the bitter, all men are wankers line dont expect to find the love of your life because the decent guys out there pick up on that very quickly and steer clear.

    Fi mentioned she might have some sympathy if you were under 25 but for all we know , if you married under 25 you really only have under 25 experience.

    I’m also curious as to how old you are and how old SYT is. I wouldn’t normally dream of asking a lady her age but this is an anonymous blog and besides Slightly Younger is no big deal to all but the most immature nowadays and under 25 is immature so maybe thats the answer. You need more dating experience without expecting anything permanent from it.

    • The Plankton says:

      I don’t mind anyone knowing my age, am very open about it, and anyone who’s read this blog will have a pretty good idea, but I don’t actually spell it out; it’s my anonymity paranoia. Pxx

  • amouette says:

    Myself, I reckon you behaved rather well, P. When the break up came, you behaved with the same grace and civility that you showed to Belgravia Man and Gary – so much so that two days later, you were giving SYT a lift back home ( ‘like a dutiful mother’ you say, and maybe he saw you as some kind of Earth Mother). You blame yourself – fool me, you say, and feel like a reject. According to Eva Illouz ( author of ‘Love Hurts’), women often feel this way, and she quotes ‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’ – ” When someone leaves you, apart from missing them, apart from the fact that the whole you’ve created together collapses….the worst is the thought that they tried you out and, in the end, the whole sum of the parts adds up to you got stamped REJECT by the one you love.’ Don’t beat yourself up,P.

  • rosie says:

    Oh, P, really feel for you but enough with SYT! The man sounds like a rampant narcissist, if not, then at least a bit of a prat. If he’s crass and insensitive enough to wank on about his new squeeze On Your Birthday, he’s crass and insensitive enough to turn up on your doorstep with her in tow, and how horrible would that be. I’d make myself unavailable next time he comes a-calling. Tell him you’re doing your accounts or de-fuzzing the kettle or something. Don’t let him have his cake and eat it.

    Thankfully, I’ve never been in the position of having a soon-to-be-ex rave on about my successor – they’re usually too cowardly for that and slink away with some ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ bollocks – but I have listened to endless dronings on about The One That Got Away, invariably in the most blundering of circumstances. The one time I returned the favour – I was on the rebound with a friend with benefits, no respecter of women himself, and didn’t even realise I was doing it – it was met with a look of complete horror and a plea not to ‘talk about your ex when we’re together’. Yeah, well, now you know how it feels.

  • MissM says:

    So very sorry P. There is never anything good about a break up of any sort.

    I don’t get the flak you are getting regarding the age thing. I was under the impression he was a Slightly Younger Twinkle, not Significantly Younger, Spectacularly Younger or Stupendously Younger. I don’t know what the age difference was, but if the difference was five years or less it was a difference barely worth mentioning (unless you wish to use it to boast just a little).

    Hurt is hurt, whether you knew it was coming, or it comes out of the blue, I am not sure it hurts any less either way. You did your best and it didn’t work out as you would have liked, but probably better than being in the situation of wondering “what if…” which would have resulted had you not embarked on this affair in the first place. At least you know now for certain to toss that one aside and move on.

    Best wishes and a belated Happy Birthday to you.

    • The Plankton says:

      Thank you, MissM. I have never given his age or mine but it’s amazing how my loyal followers come to their own conclusions and inferences become “fact”. His original name was Slightly Younger twinkle, although some readers have in their mind Spectacularly and Stupendously. Slightly was probably underplaying things a bit, being a teeny bit disengenuous (for the sake of not giving the game away to friends/readers in the Times who might guess), I admit, but Spectacularly/Stupendously might be verging on the side of immoral, and that is far from the case. He is definitely an adult! Can’t think of a word beginning with S that falls conveniently between Slightly and Spectacendously/Stuptacularly. Pxx

      • amouette says:

        Maybe one of the pitfalls of writing a blog? That even when your loyal followers imagine they are being perfectly rational, they may inevitably construe things through their own emotional filters? I know I do sometimes.

      • The Plankton says:

        And it’s fair enough. I have no problem with it. Just delighted anyone wants to read the darn thing! Pxx

      • malcolm says:

        Somewhat falls between slightly and spectacendouly.

      • The Plankton says:

        Somewhat! Perfect. Somewhat Younger Twinkle. Thank you. Pxx

      • amouette says:

        ‘Somewhat Younger Twinkle’ ?

      • The Plankton says:

        And thank you too, amouette. Your great mind thought the very same as Malcolm and I think Somewhat is just the ticket. Pxx

      • MissM says:

        I like ‘Somewhat’, but now that he has moved on perhaps he should be something else.

        I like Stupid Yuseless Twinkle. I like how that sounds in my head. It’s a damn shame ‘useless’ doesn’t actually begin with a ‘y’ when written, but you get my drift. Someone with a better brain than mine, (almost any brain would be better than mine is first thing in the morning) will no doubt do better.

      • The Plankton says:

        No, MissM, this is good enough for me. Thank you. Pxx

    • justanotherman says:

      Nicest comment I’ve read MissM, well said.

    • justanotherman says:

      I meant 12.52pm comment

  • Steve says:

    All I would say is that any man (regardless of age) who breaks up with someone on their birthday is an idiot and probably not worth worrying about.
    It won’t come as any consolation to our Plankton-in-Chief, but women can be equally callous about moving on. The last time it happened to me, my calls and texts were ignored for three weeks until I got a one line e-mail giving me the sack when I was 4000 miles away from home on a business trip. That hotel room was fucking lonely that night, let me tell you.
    I must agree with those that say you need to cut off contact. There is something very satisfying about deleting their numbers and ‘unfriending’ them from facebook. If nothing else, it saves you from knowing just how they have carried on in their lives as if nothing has happened every time you turn on your lap top….

  • rosie says:

    I agree, Steve. Facebook etc is a menace! I sometimes yearn for the good old days when everyone just had landlines and an ex became an ex (unless you moved in the same circles or made an effort to stay in touch) as soon as they’d walked out the door. Now it’s like they never went away. Even if you are strong minded enough to defriend them and not respond to their repeated requests to ‘connect’ on Linkedin or Schminkedin or whatever social media platform they’re using to try and stay in touch (why? what have we got to say to each other anymore?) there are always those moments of weakness when you think having a quick look won’t hurt. But it always does.

  • Steve says:

    Ain’t that the truth, Rosie. Is there a worse feeling that when you still care about someone, even though they have neatly erased you from their life and quite clearly don’t give a toss about you? Probably, but I can’t think of one right now

    • MissM says:

      Having them make the suggestion that you ‘still be friends’, and then receiving the description of how marvellous the successor is, that would be a pretty good contender for making you feel worse, methinks.

      That’s never happened to me. Once I am declared ‘not good enough’ they will get neatly erased from my life. Well, after that window period when I would have gladly taken them back were they to return with suitable apologies. But after that window closes, I wouldn’t p*** on them if they were on fire, as the saying goes. I’d very probably quite like to see them on fire, in fact.

      All my rejectors are lost in the ether, as they should be, and I’ll never know if they ever caught on fire or not, though I no longer care, either.

      • Myrna says:

        But have you ever had to reject someone? Rejecting a person doesn’t necessarily mean that you think they are of “low value/quality” in some objective sense, it just means that that person cannot make you happy. I know it hurts at the time but in retrospect it’s almost not something to take personally. Not everyone goes for chocolate cake…

  • malcolm says:

    I don’t see a need to eviscerate this poor fellow. He probably doesn’t even see this as “dumping” Miss P., as there wasn’t a committed relationship to begin with, and it’s not as if Miss P. was under the impression that there was one.

    The terms of their relationship was agreed upon by both parties (perhaps less willingly by one – but agreed upon nonetheless). If one is willing to enter into these type of “friend with benefits” relationships, then one should be prepared for this eventuality. I wouldn’t spend time on a woman who only wants to sleep with me but doesn’t want a committment, because in the back of my mind I would know that she’s just settling for me for the time being, and it would hurt when she found someone who she actually wanted to commit to. It’s a guarantee.

    On a brighter note, I’m about to pop out the door for my first date in ages. I switched to a new coffee shop this week, one of those fancy independent places, and the beauty behind the counter must have noticed me admiring her all week, so on Friday, she asked me if I wanted to go for dinner tonight. I hope I remember my table manners.

    • Stefanie says:

      So very true and wise, Malcolm! I am currently in a friends with benefits relationship with the man who broke my heart by never being fully in our relationship, and breaking up with me after several chaotic years. I am sleeping with him not because I want this sort of relationship but because I fear having to deal with the pain of knowing he is sleeping with someone else when we are no longer sleeping together. I know doing this is a bit like sawing off my leg with a nail file, but haven’t yet.found the xourage to end it completely. It is painful and unsatisfying! On a brighter note…I hope you have a wonderful evening with the coffee shop beauty:-)

    • EmGee says:

      Go get her Tiger!!!!!

      Malcolm that’s great news, really it is. ❤

    • zoe says:

      I like the sound of this woman. Just remember to keep your more caustic comments about the opposite sex and relationships under wraps. Just take along instead that rather clever and – I suspect – rather good man we get to see on these pages every now and then :-). Good luck.

      • fi says:

        That’s a shame. I much prefer the caustic Malcolm to the emasculated ‘good man’ that some men pretend to be on these pages. If one of those made an appearance on a date for me there wouldn’t be a second one

      • zoe says:

        Really, Fi? As an internet dater the slightest whiff of bitterness will put me off. It’s a huge red flag. As for goodness, no one of course wants anyone pretending to have qualities they don’t have. But I actively sift the men who come across my path for having values and being decent. I suspect this is one of the reasons why , despite my advanced years, I still like men so much – I never fall in love with bastards.

      • The Plankton says:

        I do; fool me. Pxx

      • fi says:

        I don’t get bitterness from Malcolm. I don’t think I’ve EVER seen that actually although if he was sometimes, so what really, there are plenty of bitter women here too. I think he just does pragmatism. But that’s the type of man I prefer. Cos that’s the type of woman I am 😀

      • zoe says:

        Ooh er, Malcolm. Better ignore us then – as I’m sure you have every intention of doing anyway. Just be yourself – at least that way you’ll get the woman you deserve 😉

      • fi says:

        Zoe – the kind of woman you deserve 🙂
        Just goes to show though that we’re all different and there isn’t an ideal person for everyone. I think you should jutst be yourself anyway – I know that the men I meet who have a crush on me (and there are several) only do because they think I’m nicer than I am and they project nice qualities they’re looking for onto me. If they knew the real me they’d be scared 🙂

  • zoe says:

    Yes, fi, one should always be scared of a pragmatist 😉 I’m beginning to think our Malcolm must be a bit of a catch. Beautiful women don’t go around asking a man out for dinner for no reason. And isn’t he the one who stoically braids his daughter’s hair at ballet, while being banned from contact with the other children for no other reason than being a man. Or am I getting my men mixed up? Certainly would never say “shud”. Ever.

    • fi says:

      I DO think Malcolm is a bit of a catch 😆

      • zoe says:

        Ha! Careful…you’ll set TLover off….

      • fi says:

        And yes the man who braids his daughter’s hair and accompanies her to ballet is malcolm. I don’t think I need to add anything to that. Although Malcolm – you might want to drop that into conversation on your date night to be assured of success with the Laydee

      • zoe says:

        Yeah. And you know what you’re doing Fi? Advising him to show he’s a good man 😉

      • fi says:

        Yep – good men are good. Its just men who pretend to be women I can’t stand. Ones who want to ‘talk’, particularly about women’s things. Shudder. I think they should just get on with clearing out the gutter then head off out with their mates 🙂
        There’s far too many men in touch with their feminine side for me I’m afraid. See – that’s what I mean. I can’t say that to any of the men I meet so I just shut up while they drone on about women’s stuff, and inwardly I shudder, but they take that as encouragement and think I understand them. I understand them only too well – not enough testosterone that’s the proBlem!! Even worse are the ones who ask for ‘a cuddle’. Or do yoga.

      • zoe says:

        That made me laugh out loud. Well maybe you and tlover are a match. I can’t imagine him asking for a cuddle or doing the half lotus.

      • fi says:

        I wasn’t sure about saying this – but I’m afraid I’m suspicious of vegetarian men too. There. It’s out.
        I was asked out on a date by a man who wanted to take me for a latte and a cake and did yoga. Eeeeek. Obviously I had to say NO. Still makes me feel ill to think what a narrow escape I had 🙂

      • therugbymom says:

        So does that mean that most of the many men who are interested in you are what you consider rejects/unsuitable?

      • malcolm says:

        Thanks for all the dating advice everybody. I wish I had read that before I started banging my fists on the dinner table while ranting on about gold digging whores and asking what her views on anal sex were.

        Kidding aside, it went well.

      • therugbymom says:

        Ha! You can’t lose with that sense of humor! Love it!

      • justanotherman says:

        Hey Fi

        Ever been to an abattoir?

      • fi says:

        No and I wouldn’t want to. I’m sure too that if I did I wouldn’t eat meat either. I’m afraid though my provocative statement was slightly tongue in cheek (oh my god I’m turning into tlover!) And exagerated. But I’m afraid I don’t like men who, in the words of the late, great Amy Winehouse behave in such a way as to make me “feel like I’m a lady, and you’re my ladyboy”.
        And yoga loving, vegetarian, in touch with their feelings men who want to cuddle and talk about them all the time, while drinking lattes and eating cakes….well LADYBOYS. 😀

      • justanotherman says:

        OK Fi – Can I present my credentials ?

        Perfect Day:

        0600 Alarm.

        0615 Blow job.

        0630 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section.

        0700 Breakfast – rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom wench.

        0730 Limo arrives.

        0745 Several whiskeys en-route to airport.

        0815 Flight in personal Lear jet.

        0930 Limo to St. Andrews (blow job en-route).

        0945 Play front nine (2 under).

        1145 Lunch – pie, chips and gravy. 3 lagers & bottle of Dom Perignon.

        1215 Blow job

        1230 Play back nine (4 under).

        1415 Limo back to airport (several whiskeys).

        1430 Fly to Monte Carlo.

        1600 Late afternoon fishing with female crew (all nude).

        1630 Land world record Marlin (1245lbs) – on light tackle.

        1700 Fly home – massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson.

        1845 Shit, shower and shave.

        1900 Watch news -Justin Bieber murdered, marijuana and porn legalized.

        1930 Dinner – lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon

        1953, big juicy fillet steak, followed by ice cream served on a pair of tits.

        2100 Napoleon brandy and Cuban cigar in front of wall sized TV and watch cup final

        2130 Sex with 3 women (all with lesbian tendencies).

        2300 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and cleansing ale.

        2330 Final blow job.

        2345 In bed alone.

        2350 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.

        2351 Laugh self to sleep.

      • fi says:

        Oh dear. You’re one aren’t you? Sorry.

      • fi says:

        ….But you are funny! 😆

      • Muriel says:

        Yes and the late great Amy Winehouse sure knew how to pick’em.

      • justanotherman says:

        no offence taken Fi 🙂

  • rosie says:

    Myrna, I think you’re right in saying that if you reject someone it doesn’t necessarily mean you think they’re the scum of the earth. But there’s no ‘nice’ way of doing it – just like there’s no nice way of telling someone they have bad breath or BO – and the rejectee *is* going to take it personally. There’s no other way they can take it, is there?

    Fair enough if the one doing the rejecting wants to stay in touch and the other party is happy with the arrangement but they have to be prepared for a no, or being ignored – and live with it. Trying to get back in touch more than once (twice, tops) with someone you’ve dumped makes you look like a heartless twat, or at the very least, a bit of dickhead.

  • rosie says:

    Should qualify that by saying ‘trying to get back in touch more than once with someone you’ve dumped and have no interest in having a relationship with…’

    • MissM says:

      Absolutely, the only one who gets to decide whether they will “still be friends” or not is the wounded party. If they decide that the best way for them to cope is to excise the source of the pain from their life completely, then only a truly heartless person would try to interfere with that.

  • Bloody brilliantly written, P. I’ve only had one such experience of being subjected to “an interesting story” about how easy it was for my former to “connect with” my latter — a “connection” he just didn’t feel with me. What rubbish!

    While I empathize with your heartache and disappointment, I am grateful for the inspired post, filthy language and all!

  • Muriel says:

    If you feel that men should be stereotypically masculine, do you also feel that women should be stereotypically feminine – do all the childcare, housework and cooking, defer to men in conversation, and accept lower pay in the workplace?
    As the mother of two sons, I’d like them to be able to be at ease in whatever environment they find themselves or choose, whether it be rugby or yoga, and definitely be able to express their feelings.

    • fi says:

      I’m afraid that’s an emotional and illogical reaction to what I’ve said. Where did I even imply that women should be paid less than men for example? Nowhere. Where did I say that men shouldn’t express themselves? Nowhere.
      As the mother of an adult son myself I also have a view of what I want him to be able to do in the world.

      • Muriel says:

        You said
        “I think they should just get on with clearing out the gutter then head off out with their mates”.
        That and comments about yoga, ladyboys etc etc indicates that you feel that certain activities are suitable and others are unsuitable for men. Unfortunately that is the whole premise of sexism as used against women – women should wear trousers, work, own their own property vote etc. So while you spout off about what real men should and shouldn’t do, bear in mind where that narrative leads to.

      • Muriel says:

        That should have read “should NOT wear trousers..,”!!

      • fi says:

        Muriel – really why do you care what I find sexually attractive about a man? I’m not saying you have to.

      • Muriel says:

        I wonder why you post about your preferences?

      • fi says:

        Well it began really with a discussion about whether Malcolm was bitter or not, or whether he was a ‘good man’, followed by a light hearted remark on what I find attractive. If you hadnt challenged me on what that meant it (eg earning less than a man and being subordinate etc) it would have died there and then 😉

      • Muriel says:

        You made a number of scornful posts that referred to, among other things, emasculated men; vegetarian men; men who do yoga; men who talk about “women’s things”, (what are there “women”s things”, of which men must not speak, anyhow?) men who drink latte; none of them as a response to anything I wrote.

        (Mind you, if you’re modelling yourself on the Amy Winehouse playbook, I’ll not fight you for the crackhead thugs). 🙂

      • T Lover says:

        McMuriel, McFiona,

        Can I make a suggestion? Can you explain for ignorant men (like me) what “being in touch with your feminine side” actually means in practice.

        Give me some examples. Imagine me (T Lover) with this woman. We have just met. It’s a bit of alright (even without beer glasses) so what would I do or say that would impress her – let her know I am definitely in touch with my feminine side?

        Do I: say I wear women’s clothes? That I go Morris dancing? I knit?

        One or two of the commentators are jolly good at attracting the girls. He’s a catch, lucky Mrs Whatever. You see the comments pop up now and again on this blog. If only that could be me.

        Plainly (as McMuriel so powerfully argues) the day men’s thought patterns are genetically modified to be identical to women’s (McM is that grammatically correct?) cannot come soon enough. Vive la difference, what tosh. I want to be in touch with my feminine side to make the gals swoon.

        And I have no problem with the thought that the one who traps me might earn more than I do. No problem whatsoever. So you two what’s the answer?

        Funny how the topic cropped up this last weekend. I was up in the (Scottish) borders staying in the usual pub. The owner says “Where’s the Missus?” He means Miss 80%. Me to him: she’s driving me out of my tree. Has to have the last word about everything. I can only cope by switching off then she has a go because I’m not listening.

        Well. He then says his (his wife) has driven him crackers all week. It’s the moon. I knew exactly what he meant because that night we had had a supermoon. A new moon at the closest point of its orbit to the Earth. I knew exactly what I meant because, I just did. Women are completely irrational.

        He goes and in comes the waitress. Nice girl. Nice bottie so I don’t mind a bit of a goss over coffee.

        To digress, the Borders towns have Civic weeks and common ridings. The latter involves what the waitress described as a “wee lemonade” followed by a horse ride. In this town, in this year (the anniversary of Flodden in 1513) an awful lot of riders and a lot of lemonade.

        So I says to the waitress: What’s the programme for Civic week this year? We got to Ladies Day on the Wednesday. Ladies day. Ladies lunch on the Wednesday. I says: What do the men do? Answer: They dress up as women and go lunching with the ladies.

        Would that make me attractive to women? Put me in touch with my feminine side? Go to the WI dressed as a woman?

      • fi says:

        T – “being in touch with your feminine side”:
        Wanting cuddles.
        Wanting to “talk” about “where things are going”
        Getting your colours done
        Fake tan
        Crying (unless at the death of a family member or close friend)
        Hair dye
        “Watching your weight”
        Lack of a sense of humour

      • EmGee says:

        Fi: “being in touch with your feminine side”:…
        😀 I see what you did there.

        I think the phrase is so over used, misunderstood, and overwrought, that all one *can* do is laugh about it.

        Looks like I am going to be a full time Plankton again soon. BF enjoyed his trip to the East coast so much, he has decided he wants to move there. It won’t happen overnight, but he will be even more dissatisfied with living here in CA than he was before, until he can leave for good. Sucks to be me right now, although I can hardly begrudge him his decision, the place he found has turned out to be everything he told me in the past he was looking for in as a place to call home. My friends whom I’ve told of course (both male and female), think it’s a dick move on his part. I’d like to be angry with him, but I just feel soory for myself, being left behind.

      • fi says:

        EmGee – poor you. 😦
        However when one door closes another one opens.
        Have you joined Meetup.com yet? You’ll meet loads of new people and do new things at the same time. It’s just a numbers thing really – the more men you meet, especially in a social setting, the greater chance of you meeting someone who is right for you.

      • EmGee says:

        Fi, I think it’s a little too soon to go that route. I am of the same opinion as Ms P when it comes to online sites, even if it’s just socializing and not dating. I don’t lack for a social scene, shared interests or friends. Besides, I need time to heal from this one; right now I am going through the first, self pity stage, where besides being unbelievably painful, life has lost it’s meaning.

      • fi says:

        Of course. I didn’t mean to diminish your feelings.
        But I’ve made loads of new friends from it and tried all sorts of activities I wouldn’t have done without it. I was just trying, not very well, to say that there are still opportunities to meet new people, some of which are men. And I think it’s the failure to meet enough new people that leads women to conclude there are no available men.

      • fi says:

        Ps EmGee – presumably you’ve considered and don’t want to move with him?

      • EmGee says:

        Oh Fi, I know you didn’t mean any harm in it. ❤

        He has already begun the process of closing me out, because trying to keep me in his life would only complicate things. I also suspect he has found another closer to his new home while he was away, which would make things even less complicated, instead of more. Sometimes it is as simple as that; some things have to be left behind.

      • fi says:

        Well he doesn’t sound very nice, but you probably already think that. Replacing you before he’s already left?? Seeing being involved with you as a complication??
        Looking on the bright side you’ve found out now rather than if you’d upped and moved to follow him. Mourn the loss of other things, including your hopes of a relationship, but don’t mourn the loss of him as your friends have been telling you. You are obviously nicer than me as in your position I’d take my key back and let him look for somewhere else to stay instead of doing a death of a thousand snubs and hurtful actions while he disentangles himself in preparation for a new exciting life wth someone else. It’s one thing moving away, or ending a relationship, but to behave as though you’re nothing more than a stop gap until he moves, and to line up your replacement is just not a nice thing to do.

      • T Lover says:


        I have been twice married.

        I married for the second time 26 years ago. My wife’s Mother was a widow. She has lived in the same house (a mile as the crow flies) from mine for around 55 years and the wife was brought up there.

        I have no ties in the area. No family. The house is the Derbyshire equivalent of an Australian sheep station. I can go for days in the winter without seeing a soul.

        I have wanted to move for years. The wife’s Mother wanted to stay in the house she loved. My wife would not leave her Mother.

        So when this place in the Borders came up – it was just what I wanted where I wanted – I bought it. However, the girl I have been seeing on and off said, the week I wrote out the cheque, she was not sure. She has a place in West London. Her parents live in the South West. Why would I not discuss it with her? Too far away for her. Too far from her parents. Etc.

        A house like this, in this location is what I have wanted for a long time. Two knackered marriages. Three or four girlfriends after the second split. Couldn’t live with any of them. Although I like the current model 80% of the time there was no decision to make. If she didn’t like it tough. My life is passing by. Shall I take a chance on another relationship or shall I do what I have always wanted in life?

        Another thing. My Secretary’s husband left in November. I bet he has not looked at another woman since the split. My Secretary is obsessed with the thought he is seeing another woman. Her children go to see him every other day. No sign of an affair at all. She still thinks it. Funny how we convince ourselves to believe things that aren’t happening

        So, do not be down. It work out. Here’s a virtual squeeze.

      • EmGee says:

        Thanks for sharing your story TLover. That is exactly my conundrum. It hurts me that he would want to move so far, but as longs as I have known him, I knew he was disillusioned with living in Calif, missed his family in New england terribly, and had talked of moving elsewhere. I never disbelieved any of it, nor discounted his feelings on the matter. I just took the gamble that our circumstances would respectively improve before that moment arrived, because frankly, money may not buy happiness, but it certainly makes things more manageable, obstacles easier to tackle.

        As it is, he found a place where people are earthy and honest, he’s been able to find steady work there he enjoys doing, and other matters near to his heart. His family is a 6 hour drive away instead of a 12+ hour flight. I have said before, you won’t be happy in a relationship, unless you are happy with your life in general. Two things kept him here; me and not yet having found a place he could call ‘home’.

        Maybe it isn’t game over, but I am not in a position right now where I could sell everything and move at the moment. I would love living within a more convenient distance from town, but living paycheck to paycheck, and and continuing to foster my art career, makes even that a daunting task.

        So while some of my friends think he is being a bastard for ‘dumping’ me, I am both heartsick myself at losing him, but happy for him that he’s finally found his bliss. It’s the god’s own fault that it isn’t possible for me to follow that path too.

        How he adjusts to sub Arctic winter weather after living in SoCal for 20 years is another matter entirely.

      • T Lover says:

        Well, yes, EmGee it is a conundrum all round.

        But I wouldn’t drive yourself barmy thinking he has another woman. And it is very common for people to make these moves, only to realise they are making a mistake. I have begun to wonder myself.

        I am out of order saying these things, I do not know you or your circumstances from Adam, but I have always found that when a relationship breaks down you think you will never replace that person only to find someone nicer comes along. Maybe not straight away but eventually.

        The thing that rattled round my brain was the thought I had had two failed marriages, should I go to London (where I knew I would be unhappy) to take a risk with the latest relationship or should I go for what I had planned before I met her. She knew it was what I wanted so her eyes were open. Maybe I’m a bastard too.

        I don’t know why but she can be fine for days at a time then for no reason I can work out turn into an absolute pain. Nevertheless we cling on and, as it turns out, she has accepted the decision and worked with it. The sun began to come out when she was told by a neighbour that there was a direct train from Berwick to within half of a mile of her parent’s place.

        Maybe there is a solution you can work with?

  • amouette says:

    An here I rather agree with Muriel – a kind of ideal for me (it doesn’t need to be for anyone else) would be a masculine man in touch with his feminine side and a feminine woman in touch with her masculine side. But as they say, it takes all kinds.

    • fi says:

      What is a “feminine side”? Do you mean you want a man to be able to think about how he feels and express himself? If so then I’m not sure why in this day and age the myth still persists that ‘real’ men can’t do these thing.

      • amouette says:

        Just thinking that the more we can get away from traditional dominant/submissive roles, the more we shall be likely to put an end to the war of the sexes. You may feel we’ve already got there Fi, and that ‘real men’ can express how they feel, just as well as ‘real women’ can assert themselves, If so, no problem.

      • fi says:

        Well..if you read the men on these pages they seem to have no difficulty identifying and expressing their feelings and thought processes. My Dad (in his 70s) and son (in his 20s) can as well. As can men I work with and socialise with. So I conclude that the idea of men being neanderthal half wits is no longer relevant (in my opinion only I hasten to add), if it ever was or if it was a myth put about many decades ago that has somehow hung around because of the idea of a war of the sexes. Which is also an alien concept to me. I mean why would anyone want to fight with half the population or value them less because they aren’t the same as us? Appreciate the differences I think!

      • malcolm says:

        I’m not sure that most women would think that men who practice true equality would be desirable mates. Getting away from “gender roles” would mean that men are free of their obligations also. I suspect a truly liberated man would be considered a boor.

        Why should a man yield his seat on public transport to a woman? Why should a man help a woman struggling with groceries? Why would a man stop to assist a woman who’s car is broken down on the side of the road?
        Why would a man court a woman, women are equally as capable of courting men. Why would men choose to date women their same age when they can “have it all”? Common decency you say? That’s in short supply from both men and women these days, so why should men be expected to be burdened with it without any corollary obligations from women?

        I would wager that a great deal of the anguish that planktons feel is precisely because men are liberating themselves from traditional gender roles and treating similarly aged women as they would other men while reserving their romantic interests for whomever they see fit. Why wouldn’t they, after all, doesn’t society tell us that traditional gender roles are oppressive? Who wants to be oppressed?

      • Muriel says:

        And yet, Malcolm, you just had a date with a woman who asked you out, rather than waiting for you to
        ask her!.

      • malcolm says:

        @Muriel, she would have waited a long time, as I’m not in the habit of asking women out.
        I think it shows courage and gumption for a woman to take that step, real confidence, and a sign that she’s genuinely interested in getting to know me.
        Too many women hover about waiting for men to ask them out, but if they aren’t willing to overcome their apprehension, then I figure that they are more interested in preserving their feelings and maintaining gender roles than they are in having a relationship with me. Hardly the type of progressive woman that would interest me.

      • Muriel says:

        I’ve never asked a man out, for the same reason that you don’t ask women out. It’s a good thing there are some less passive people around, isn’t it, or the human race would die out!

    • amouette says:

      @ Malcolm 4.21

      All a matter of semantics. You might also say that she is a feminine woman with a masculine side, and thus precisely the type of ‘progressive’ woman you find attractive.

  • amouette says:

    I am very happy to leave this debate to McFi and McMuriel, but who was it who said that the war of the sexes was an alien concept? As i read Messrs T and M, the old concept is alive and well, though in a new guise.

  • Muriel says:

    T Lover,
    Only wear a frock if it suits your figure, and you’ve got the legs for it.

  • amouette says:

    Interesting article by P in today’s Times and an online discussion about evolution and traditional gender roles. Yes, seriously.

  • Kimmy says:

    “I wonder if nearly a decade and a certain amount of domestic bliss and child-bearing later, her orgasms are quite so startling and note-worthy.”

    touché, Plankton!!!

    Please go back to your fabulous and witty observations you used to write in the beginning. At least occasionally.

    • Jim says:

      “the silo c**t”

      An interesting point that the plankton raises.

      As one with a limited experience of sex with mothers, it is something I’ve found. But is the “silo effect” common? I though Kegal exercises were supposed to sort this or is that a myth?

      • Muriel says:

        It’s only an issue when the man has a teeny tiny little d**k!

      • Kenny says:

        You keep telling yourself that love!

      • Stefanie Johnson says:

        Okay, I MUST put my two cents worth in on this one! While it is true that many women (not all) who carry and bear children become less tight, and Kegels help but probably never restore a woman to her pre-baby state, any man who rejects a woman sexually because she has a “silo c—” is a moron!!! I have been self-conscious about this myself. Who wouldn’t be at times, now that women are resorting to “vaginal restoration”, etc. We women can sometimes judge ourselves too harshly, and fear that we won’t be sexually adequate if we don’t have the tightness of a virgin, a Brazilian wax/”landing strip”, etc. My currrent partner and I have discussed this. He says the idea that a woman who has borne children cannot satisy a man is “total nonsense”. He should know. He’s had MANY lovers, most of whom had not borne children, some of whom were quite young. He thinks sex with me is fabulous, and it is. Why? Because, most importantly, we have intense sexual chemistry…but also because I am confident, adventurous, have a high sex drive, am sensual, playful, and, frankly, very good in bed! There are many ways to satisfy a man, not all of which require a tight VJ! What really gets to me is that middle-aged and older men who seem to have the most ridiculous expectations of a woman’s body often have paunches, side handles, bald heads, and can’t maintain an erection to save their lives, without a little help from Viagara! Don’t kid yourselves men, good sex is about far more than the tightness of a women’s vagina, and those of you who don’t get that lack experience or maturity!

      • maria says:

        Muriel, loved your answer to Jim.;-)

    • The Plankton says:

      Oh dear, have I lost my touch of late? Pxx

  • Planktons Unite says:

    what a fucking asshole.

    I think he raved about the new girlfriend as a kind of :

    **well you’re an older woman , so you would have known this was coming and hey I am sure since you knew it was coming you will bow out gracefully, and ofcourse revel in hearing about my new love, after all, it was expected**

    Honestly MS Plankton you should have slapped him in the face and walked out as soon as he DARED utter a word about his young skank.

    I am so angry for you!!!!

    Giant Plankton Hug to you

    • Steve H says:

      Hi P

      Just read this and have to say that the bloke sounds like a total arsehole.

      Who in their right mind would dump someone on their birthday?

      And then… to discuss his new woman’s “assets”. Words fail me.

      The words rude& ignorant don’t do justice to a one-two of pathetic behaviour.

      I think people are getting ruder.In both my work and personal life, I see people fail to even bother to make excuses for not doing something. You would think that email /texting would make it easier for those that don’t want face to face or voice contact, but even texting / emailing seems beyond them.

      One small story. I had a lunch date with a woman last Wednesday. Went well .

      Me ” I enjoyed that. Would you like me to call you?”

      Her” I enjoyed that too. Yes, I’ll look forward to your call”.

      Thursday evening I call her.I get voicemail and leave a message.

      I later get a text ” Sorry I missed your call,I’ll call you tomorrow”

      Me via text “OK,look forward to that”

      And since then…nothing.

      I’m hardly heartbroken, but it’s just one example of the sapping effect of dating and how modern communication seems to make err..communication harder and more brutal than before.

      You do need a HELL of a lot of resilience in this dating lark!!

      • Steve says:

        Steve, exactly the same thing happened to me recently. We’d been out several times, I thought we were getting along famously. Then….nothing, it was like she vanished into this air.

        Must be the name…. 🙂

      • The Plankton says:

        You do indeed! Best of luck with the dating lark, moving forward, as the unforgivably ghastly expression goes. Pxx

  • rosie says:

    Sorry to hear of your travails, Steve. If it’s any consolation, been there, done that, got the t-shirt! Totally soul sapping. My advice, for what it’s worth, would be to ignore this woman if she gets in touch again, at least for a couple of days if you do want to see her again. No one likes being ignored and even if it doesn’t drive her mad she won’t like it and it will prey on her mind. It’s all a stupid game but if you can’t beat ’em, you may as well join ’em. Whatever happened to the days when you met someone, you liked each other and you just flaming well got on with it? New technology has a lot to answer for, I think.

    @ Barry: if Redbookish is taking her cue from the wankers who post on here whose sole aim is to run women down and make unprovoked passive aggressive attacks on them then I agree with her. So take your pick.

    • Kenny says:

      Most women are bitches.

      How does that differ from “Most men are wankers”

      The answer is, it doesn’t . Both are pathetic comments. So why the misandry ” ladies?

      Rosie. I don’t think you understand the meaning of passive aggressive (much like it was pointed out your failing to understand the difference between sarcasm and irony). People are not making passive aggressive comments about you*, merely observations from reading this blog from way back when.

      *Redbookish too.

  • rosie says:

    Kenny, seems you’ve misunderstood my post, but never mind. I always thought that when someone uses a person’s name to pass comment they are actually making a comment about that person. And I understand the meaning of passive aggressive, sarcasm and irony perfectly well, ta very much.

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