A Right Bitch
January 28, 2014 § 1,961 Comments
Thank you for all your comments.
I am not depressed, although there is plenty out there that is profoundly depressing, quite apart from the situation in Syria and the obesity crisis and everything in between. They go without saying.
The immediate in between, the in between that’s in my face this week, and has been for many a moon but is becoming more urgent by the day, is every other woman I know being left by their husbands for a younger cunt, and my still being a plankton a million years after my ex-husband fell upon his with such winning gusto. There is a conspiracy theory I have, something which none of my friends have the heart to tell me. The socking great herd of elephants trumpeting in the room, only I am not hearing them. It is this: I have halitosis, stink of rotting fish, and am contributing, single-handedly, to the global obesity crisis, obv. I must be. Why else?
A friend told me about a woman she knows who is very funny and has flashes of warmth but this woman’s default position according to my friend is prickly, chippy, difficult, charmless, defensive, shy, rude, and a right bitch about everyone. She embodies a whole smorgasbord of delightfulness, indeed! She sounds a complete cow and profoundly off-putting. She left her husband a few years ago, apparently; been alone since. And there the story should end but, what do you know, doesn’t. She has met a man who is kind, sophisticated, clever, funny, generous, adores her and they are in the vortex of Happily Ever After.
What can I say?
Prickly, chippy, difficult, charmless, defensive, shy and rude and a right bitch.
New Year’s Resolution.
The Plankton 
I feel exactly the same about my predicament. It is now six years since my wife of forty years died and I am nowhere near finding another even special friend. I can’t be that unattractive to the opposite sex, as I still have a lot of women friends and they are honest enough to tell me my problems. The trouble is, that all these ladies are happily married to other men and have been for years, with the exception of a couple of widows. But they have been roped in as free babysitters by their children, so they are useless for a long term relationship.
If it wasn’t for the reason that I am strongly self-reliant, I’d be going up the wall. But going to the cinema or theatre, shopping and travelling by yourself gets on your wick after a time.
Don’t write off your widowed grandmotherly friends; like me (not widowed, but a (very youthful!) grandmother), they are probably only “treading water” by helping out their children with their children. Given half a chance I bet they would be up for any plans/excursions/ grown-up relationship you might be prepared to offer them. Go on, give it a go…..! Or show them how lovely a man you are by offering to keep them company while they babysit; women love a man who can show affection to babies/small children, and being a “single grandparent” can feel quite sad, especially when one is out and about alone with one’s grandchildren and all the other grandparents seem to be couples.
That seems so selfish. I went out for a few months with a grandfather who also worked full time but who did once a week have his grandchildren for half a day. I found that really good – a non sexist man who loves his family enough to spend time with them. Surely a woman committed to grandchildren is much nicer than someone within 24 hours a day to sit at your feet being bored? Also plenty of women work or have their own businesses well into their 60s and 70s I certainly will when I reach that age. They would also not be available to sit and worship you for 24 hours a day because they work. Import one from abroad who has no job or family and can just adore you in return for bed and board and sex. They are ten a penny.
Anon W, why on earth would a woman who babysits her grandchildren be “useless for a long term relationship”? Do you want a woman to be available for you and you alone 24 hours a day? That’s like saying a woman who has a job would be useless for a long term relationship, or a woman who volunteers, or studies, or does anything that would make her unavailable to give you her undivided attention for part of her week. Do you think women who babysit never go to the cinema, the theatre, go shopping or travel?
AnonW did you and your wife have children? If so do you ever take care of your grandchildren?
People who are married with children have long-term relationships all the time. Indeed, I thought that having children was one of the reasons people have long-term relationships.
If I was dating a man with children or indeed grandchildren I would think it strange if he DIDN’T spend time with them.
I’m sure the widowed ladies who care for their grandchildren could spare a few hours to go to the cinema with you if you asked nicely.
Single women, particularly older ones, have to keep busy because there’s no point in sitting twiddling our thumbs waiting for Mr Right (or indeed Mr Anything) to come along. There’s a good chance he won’t.
Any intelligent man worth his salt would respect a woman for doing something with her time – be that caring for grandchildren or running a business.
That woman sounds like me, so why is she not also single? Can’t help but think of this Absolutely Fabulous scene:
“Saffy (about Jackie): What gives her the right to treat people like that, Mum?
Eddy: She’s THIN (Happy New Year)”
Sadly I think that does help. 🍷
BUT.WHO.IS.BADASS?
A friend without many benefits, of whom I am exceeding fond but who in every way is a disaster to be exceeding fond of. Having said that, he’s a wonderful companion. I should steer clear but won’t until a better alternative presents himself. I am not holding my breath. Pxx
Oh, I have one of those badass thingies, I call him shagger! Great friend, easy in the eye, intelligent, great company BUT seriously bad news, can’t / won’t keep his fly buttoned.
As for poor Anon W. Apparently vitriol is easier swallowed with a large bourbon.
And my darling Ms. P; so good to have you back – you have been missed. As for those younger ‘cunts’ we either mix in the same circles (unlikely) or it’s universal (more likely) or the third and most likely explanation is that it’s probably like being pregnant. Before succumming to beached whale status I had not noticed how many women were up the duff. The minute you put a bun in the oven it seems as though every other woman of fertile years is too! You’re just more sensitised to it. But really, good to have you back x
There’s nothing wrong with a Badass. They might not promise happy ever after but they are often honest about that and provide other distractions. It is difficult not to get too fond of them, but life would be duller if they weren’t around.
companion or shagger? I must press the witness 😉
The man I like. Pxx
I suspect some men like a challenge; they don’t see our so called female friends the way we do obviously.
I have several single friends who appear to have a much better social life than us married people…
Who is this badass anyway. Everyone is wondering apparently!
These stories of others who find someone are not something to discourage but encourage. There is someone for everyone. If you are positive and like sex I don’t think it’s hard to find a man at all. There are lots of lonely men around and men need and want a live in partner much more than women do once women have had their children.
Can you ask some of those women whom you know whose husbands leave them if they want my email address?
Scott I’m tempted to correspond with you just to shut you up. You really can’t go asking every rebounding female if they want to be your geisha – you’re coming across as desperate. By the way how are you’re explosive plums?
Soz typo … You’re should be your
Peggy, please do. 🙂
Peggy, if I come across as being desperate, there’s a reason for that, Peggy I AM desperate…
If I were to graphically describe the answer to your question about “plums,” Ms. P. would have to moderate/ censor my comment and she’d basically have to remove it, but she DOES have my permission to give you my real email address if you request it from her…
Scott, why don’t you post your e-mail address once and for all? In case anybody is interested, they’ll let you know.
Sometimes my foot feels like corresponding with his bum.
Peggy- There DO exist some women who say to themselves something to the effect of “OooOOHH !!! That ±*¿¤@°# !!!!! After all of those years of marriage, and I’d thought all along that he was being faithful to me… and what’s worse, now he leaves me for someone so young and so vacuous… That DOES IT !!!” and then they decide that it’s time to get even… ….
AND sometimes, they don’t want to be alone after discovering that their husbands were being less than honest and less than faithful with them….
I was in a relationship once, PART of the reason that our relationship began is that a woman whom I knew had discovered that her husband was being less than faithful with her, and she’d decided that what was good for the gander…. …. …. …..
REALISTICALLY, I’m NOT expecting that Ms. P. will be conversing with some of her friends, and she’ll say to some of them, “you know there’s this American from New York City who keeps writing into this blogsite which I know about, and …. …..”
I’m just saying that IF she decides that the moment arises where it seems to her socially appropriate for her to say something along those lines to any of her friends, she DOES have my permission to do so…. I’ll leave the decision to her discretion, I trust her judgement on these matters even though I still have absolutely no idea who she actually is ….
Scott if P says anything to her friends it’s probably along the lines of “there’s this weird American middle aged bloke who’s only ever had one girlfriend and he keeps propositioning me and every other single female on the site and writes about how sexually frustrated he is all the time.” And they will say something like “that’s the price you pay if you have a blog – it will always attract nut jobs. But at least he doesn’t have your address or know who you are thank god.”
“I have halitosis, stink of rotting fish, and am contributing, single-handedly, to the global obesity crisis….”
Wouldn’t bother me, but that’s just me… ….
P is back! Horray!!
Scott, you live in NYC and you’re single? The male-to-female is in your favor. Get off the computer and go to a bar/museum/Barnes and Noble/Fairway/anywhere. Jeez.
*Male-to-female ratio. I hate you, autocorrect.
I think Scott has mentioned that he lives in the suburbs, not the city itself, and therefore I can only imagine that he would be an age-appropriate match for any number of fairly well-to-do middle-aged divorced women who still live in the former marital home with their children. Could you not start hanging out at the local coffee bar on weekday mornings or take a weekday Pilates class? Surely the odds are in your favor. But first things first: you will need to move out of your parents’ basement.
2 can play this game- Miss B- Most of the people who write into Ms. P.’s blogsite appear to live either in the U.K. or in other areas in Europe, in Australia, or in other parts of the world- You however appear to be a fellow Knickerbocker, an environment which I’m quite familiar with- I have NEVER seen a woman unable to meet a man very quickly anywhere in the New York City metro area, from high school students in their teen years, up to octogenarians and nonagenarians who live in 65+ communities… They don’t necessarily meet “Mr. Right” riding on horseback donning his shining armor, who they immediately know quickly that they both want to marry each other and spend the rest of their lives together, that takes notably more time, but when women are looking to explore the “pool,” they always seem to be able to get at least a few phone #’s and email addresses within no more than 2 or three hours- Miss Bates, why have you not shed your planktonhood status?
I reckon Miss Bates and Scott should get it together.Both single, both in New York. Could be the Plankton blog’s first relationship?
Well, Scott, your description of the middle-aged dating scene in NY is not one which my fellow NYC-based plankton would recognize. To the contrary, middle-aged women seem to be pretty much “out of luck” in finding an age-appropriate man of similar interests with whom to spend time. (And yes, Lydia –hello there! — I include in that women who are quite happy — nay, would be thrilled — to have a sexual relationship.) The only overture made to me in the last year was from a guy in his 70s. (I’m 52.) Sorry, but no thanks. Yes, that is my choice — I’d rather be dateless than with someone my mother’s age to whom I’m not attracted.
Might it be, Scott, that in your own forays into the dating world, you are aiming too “high” in the physical stakes– i.e., for the pneumatic, botoxed babes in your well-heeled suburb who are interested only in the hedge fund boys, whereas perhaps the less physically dazzling but still-pleasant looking young woman you see working on her laptop at the Starbucks each morning is more in your league? (And who I would argue is superior to the botoxed babes, but that’s another story for another day.)
Hate to disappoint you, Kevin, but I suspect I’m about 20 years too old for Scott. Plus, as pointed out by Fi, he makes these occasionally creepy comments on these pages, and his sense of humor, if that’s what it is, does not appeal. And not for nothing, I’m still not convinced that he doesn’t live in his parents’ basement.
And stop the leching. You sound like a decent enough guy but references to touching women’s bodies (or not touching them) is really not cool and would no doubt go down even less well in real life than it does online.
Mmmmm – well I think we can draw a red line through finding Mr Right now – you’ve given it a jolly good bash. My thoughts would be just enjoy your lovely children before they leave home – you still have great friends and you can still write beautifully – maybe you could put a different slant on your blog – I feel you have such a following now they are almost your responsibility – how lost they would be without you! You are chief stickleback in the Plankton Pool.
I think its quite sweet scott Benowitz keep writing to the Times – Ive seen him write on other subjects in response to articles and he comes over as pretty intelligent when he’s not talking about jelly fish costumes etc. I wonder if there are equivalent Brits. corresponding endlessly with the New Yorker or something.
Thank you for the compliments. Pxx
“I have NEVER seen a woman unable to meet a man very quickly anywhere in the New York City metro area.”
Scott B, do you live in a different NYC metro area than the one I live in? It’s impossible to meet someone here. I’m actually sort of with someone, but that took a lot of work, and before that I met someone maybe once a year if I was lucky. I have a friend who hasn’t met anyone in five years. She’s not that picky.
We aren’t ugly or even “right bitches.” New York just sucks. And I don’t live in the suburbs, unless you consider Brooklyn a suburb.
I have actually seen Brits writing to The New Yorker, but I don’t think that’s what this is about. Planktonhood is an international condition that exists because of sexism and ageism.
Are you implying that you’re a male plankton? Can such a thing exist?
Over to you, P.
You were only meeting someone on average once per year? Did you try hanging out at the local coffee bar on weekday mornings or taking a weekday Pilates class?
Yes. All women there. I also took night classes and went to lectures. All women there too. And it was the other commenter whose name started with “Miss” who suggested Pilates and coffee bars.
Perhaps I should have hung out at local beer tastings and sports bars. But I didn’t want to meet a guy who would force me to watch the Super Bowl. I wish we had football like in the UK. Instead we have this game in which men smash into each other and develop traumatic brain injury 10 years later.
Ever try Makor? I went to one event once out of desperation: 50 women and two guys. You would have more phone numbers than you’d know what to do with.
Do male plankton exist? One word; yes
“I met someone maybe once a year if I was lucky.”
Please tell me your secret (unless it’s online dating), once a year is a veritable smorgasbord from where I’m standing!
Glad to see Miss P back – hope the blog keeps going.
Thought about the discussion here when I read this
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2548386/Think-men-online-dating-sites-dodgy-Meet-sex-mad-women.html
looks like for male plankton it’s not all rosy going either
I am currently doing the online thing. I have met three people. One of them I met three times. He’d had some fairly strange messages and encounters; women who were clearly 20 years older than their stated age & profile pic, women sending unsolicited pics of body parts, making crude comments etc. I think perhaps some imagine that’s the way to get someone’s attention, maybe it does sometimes work but I’m guessing only for the worst sort of blokes.
Anyway no-ones yet set the heather on fire . Three dates guy I found attractive but I didn’t think we’d be compatible long term, and I’m not looking for a short or medium term fling.
“…women who were clearly 20 years older than their stated age & profile pic, women sending unsolicited pics of body parts, making crude comments etc. I think perhaps some imagine that’s the way to get someone’s attention, maybe it does sometimes work but I’m guessing only for the worst sort of blokes….”
Even I know better than to try that ….
No Scott, no men have done any of these things, although I have only given my phone num. to the three I met. However, there was one bloke I was chatting to for about a week. He seemed a good prospect, amusing, flirty, pleasant, responsible job. I was looking forward to meeting him until he revealed that he wanted to spank me. Spanking , it seemed, would be the main, if not the only event. I tried to be broad minded, but having that kind of conversation with someone I’d never met was just too weird.
😆
Rosie, it was mostly through this cafe that had personals. But my friend’s cousin got married to a guy she met on Match.com, so there’s hope for online.
Well, Ms P , I was seeking closure if you were not up to continuing with the blog but am pleased that you are alive and kicking – even if you still feel like kicking out at anything which comes within muddy boot range. Particularly if they are a younger, taughter, more lithe and fragrant female.
As for the idea of turning into a right bitch in order to land your dreamboat man, please don’t or I fear it will just be a case of ‘plus ca change plus c’est la meme chose’ …. just with knobs on.
You might end up securing a door mat of a man but I suspect you can do without a total knob in your life.
Bon chance and I look forward to the next infrequent episode of planktonesque insight.
Don’t you just love a man who can do it in French😉
\:-)
Welcome back P made my day seeing a new post from you! I had given up hope and was in full mourning.
Yes, dear Plankton, please keep your overseas fan base in mind. We miss you.
Also, TLover appears to have disappeared, where are you. Come back to the fold.
No, not quite.
I felt a bit flattened by Jill’s comment on the 24th of January (to Alive, if not exactly kicking) and began to wonder what I got out of the blog/why I was still adding comments/do I have a personality defect?
And these latest two posts have not done a lot for me.
So, err um.
T, you’re the only one who actually defends me on Ms. P’s blog…
T, you’re the only one who actually defends me on Ms. P’s blog…
Usually, women write in, they write about how ever since their divorce, they’re either unable to meet any men at all or they’re only able to meet astoundingly creepy men, men who frighten them away, etc. … Then I let them know that I’m quite available and then they find various ways to tell me to save it for someone who might be interested, and they let me know that they doubt that I’ll find anyone …
T Lover … You’re cryptic .. You’re dry .. You’re honest (warts n all variety) .. You’re loved and missed .. Just for being you .. Please rejoin the fold. I miss your slant on life and your much valued male perspective, sometimes shit stirring, take on life. x
Ahh. Just scrolled back. Don’t be so thin skinned (or at least don’t show yourself to be such). OS co-ordinates work as do cryptic clues – through it out there along with some available dates and warm the haggis, pour the scotch and see who responds to the treasure hunts of all treasure hunts. GO FOR IT.
Peggy, thank you. But the thing is I was shaken by what Jill said. I wondered why I was adding comments to a blog, interacting with people I had never met.
Worse I was worrying about virtual people, people I didn’t know from Adam. Fi’s cancer, Rosie’s apparent loneliness, Jill’s marital break-up angst.
That’s all. Add the fact I wasn’t taken by these two last posts. Add I have a lot on. Etc. Nothing to do with anything else.
I think Jill is right and we shouldn’t try to lift it off the pages. However I would also say:
1. It’s rather like working with people that you get on really well with and find yourself with nothing to talk about when you bump into them 6 months after leaving your job. Fundamentally your relationship with them exists in a particular time and space and context. The fact that it doesn’t continue beyond that doesn’t mean therefore it has no value. In fact, especially in relationship to work, it is what makes the difference between making your job enjoyable or not.
2. Jane Austen exchanged letters with a woman for decades that she had met only once many years before. This space is like an updated penpal relationship and again just because we don’t meet it doesn’t mean therefore it has no value.
3. Because it is difficult to keep up any sort of facade for any length of time, especially when the conversationalist nature of responding to blog posts encourages you to write without careful consideration, aspects of your personality are clear for others to see, and therefore they DO actually get to know you and they DO have a relationship with you.
4. It is natural to wonder who these people that write here are and wonder what they look like. I bet everyone has formed an idea of what everyone else is like and whether they like them or not.
5. It isn’t a case of we all meet face to face or else we haven’t got a relationship, we do. But it doesn’t have to go anywhere. Think of it as being like 2 friends who get on and vaguely find each other attractive but you both know that it won’t turn to romance and to try to make it would ruin the friendship 🙂
Wow
I think we need an explanation from James B, or as a stopgap, any one of Lydia’s five hundred psychiatrist siblings.
We are all different personalities. True?
I (me) cannot understand why thousands turn out for Royal weddings, anniversaries and funerals. For someone they have never met and never will meet who has no idea many of us even exist or how. Or, for example, why some men and women add comments on this blog of a personal nature about the blogger when she is an ethereal figure they are never going to even bump into by accident.
When I read Jill’s comment I asked myself why I commented. Am I filling a sad gap in my life? Am I a sad person?
That’s all. Why can’t I have personal relationships rather than something virtual? Which of my friends would do it?
And I don’t like the recent posts which annoy me a bit. So, from this point of view I am not sure I agree with you.
Maybe it’s like teenage girls thinking that they are the perfect girlfriend for Donny Osmond/David Cassidy/Harry Styles.
Inn relation to the virtual relationship bit – it’s so much easier than doing it in real life isn’t it? We are more open because it’s anonymous but we don’t have the day to day realities of bad moods and unpleasant habits. In fact even if one of us has irritating qualities you can just switch the laptop off unlike real life. That’s why it works better than real life. It’s not just this site though – isn’t that how dating sites work too? And actually it’s why we believe we know Princess Diana. It’s all bollocks though – we only know one side of folk even if they are particularly candid in that one side.
Fi, I don’t know what to think any more.
I don’t do Facebook, Twitter or anything like it.
I know why I started commenting on this Blog – it was good for me – but don’t know why I have carried on.
Nor do I know why I say some of the things I say.
That’s what I am saying. When I read Jill’s comment I thought: What the hell am I doing.
Must get some work done.
Because you like engaging with people? That’s why we all do it really isn’t it. However maybe you do need to get out more in real life and meet up with more real people and then you won’t mind so much the limitations that this offers. The problem is really that you want it to fill more of a gap than it can do. Maybe.
Fi, my car has done 215k miles. I have been without it for eight of the last fourteen days because the fuel pump went. Now the clutch is slipping.
I cannot get home by public transport. The nearest bus stops two miles away.
I have promised to help a pal split logs tomorrow. Major exercise with tractor and hydraulic splitter. On Sunday I have a builder coming to do some tidying up work so I can get the house ready for sale.
I promised myself I would petition for divorce last month.
I have paper all over the desk.
I have plenty to do, believe me.
So when I read Jill’s comment I thought what am I doing? I also thought: Why do people make intimate but imaginary relationships with people they have never met. Am I in danger of going round the bend?
I am repeating myself aren’t I?
Here is a thought for you to mull over. Two weeks ago I was wandering through Richmond in the pouring down rain.
Woman after woman clearing a swathe through fellow pedestrians by walking head down whilst talking on a mobile ‘phone whilst carrying a golf sized umbrella every one of which had scimitar sized spikes around the perimeter.
Driving round the M25 a big woman in a tiny car was hogging the second lane, doing circa 45 miles an hour and causing mayhem.
All these women had one thing in common. They were completely oblivious to their selfish stupidity.
Before I get the you don’t like women treatment (I do, I love them) what does a bloke say to a woman who has just caught his face on her umbrella because she was not paying attention to what she was doing. And what do you say to the woman who plainly cannot drive and is causing high speed havoc on the motorway?
T lover
I wouldn’t worry about the where’s and why’s.
My friend used to participate in a guardian forum and it became quite friendly. Guardian shut them down and they set themselves up somewhere else on line. They did meet up in person – they have AGMs in Europe and he has slept on the couch of one or two. It’s possible, it does happen. If the idea had got off the ground I might well have turned up.
But why do you always pick as examples of bad behaviour things women have done? This may come as a total shock to you but men can be c***s too!
Muriel,
Why do I always pick on examples of bad female behaviour? Me? Do I do that?
As I keep saying, Jill’s comment made me wonder about me. Why do I do this? Why do any of us do it?
This meeting up thing.
This Waitrose chestnut has been roasting for two years but would you travel 400 miles each way to stand in a supermarket? What a numpty if you were the only one there.
It was looking at one stage as though you were going to make direct contact with Fi. Scott is coming over.
I have fantasies about Miss Bates in this fantastic power suit lifting her skirt to warm her backside against the pub fire.
EmGee in a diaphanous dress – smoking pot.
Up the Caledonian with Muriel.
Peggy popping my socks.
Get the idea?
Then I wake up.
Fi standing over me wagging her finger. Rosie using me for target practice.
And the worst of the lot. Scott’s trainers.
Have a good weekend.
“Trainers” is a British word, in the Americas we call them “sneakers”- And just precisely what is wrong with mine, if you don’t mind me asking?
The smell, Scott.
Well EXCUSE me, I’ve been shoveling snow every day here for the past 3 weeks, and driveway salt has a way of penetrating through the synthetic materials that New Balance manufactures sneakers with- The small is nothing more than the chemicals from driveway salt- At least I own two identical pairs of sneakers, I alternate between them every day although it will look like I’m wearing the same pair every day. I always wear clean socks, I change my socks at least once per day…
Scott, they smell.
T Lover! You are hilarious! You make this whole blog thing worth reading. If it weren’t for you, I’d have stopped dropping by here a long time ago!
T Lover, I don’t think it’s polite to insult Plankton’s last two posts. She is an excellent writer, and that’s why we’re all here to begin with, yes? Not because we are defective or bad. Because Plankton has provided an eloquent description of her life to which we can relate.
Scott, why are you shoveling snow in your sneakers? There are sales on snowboots all over the tri-state area.
2 reasons- Firstly, unlike boots, if you find a pair of sneakers which fit your feet precisely, you can slide them on and off as easily as sandals, no tying and untying needed. Secondly, many stores such as DSW, Foot Locker, etc. have deals where if you buy 2 identical pairs of men’s sneakers, you often get a 40% to 50% discount on the second pair, so I usually purchase 2 pairs of sneakers- They usually last for approximately 2 years, then I replace both of them at the same time.
I do believe that we’re getting a bit sidetracked here, I believe that we’re supposed to be attempting to be supportive of our mystery hostess of this site, Ms. P., as she works through her midlife thingy ….
Yes, yes, many of us here are working out our midlife thingies. I was just vaguely curious considering the recent oversupply of snow. Sturdy, dependable, weatherproof footwear is also a midlife preoccupation.
For some reason, which I cannot fathom, I have not been getting email alerts about new posts on here for the past few days. However, I am buried in a flood-ridden village in east Dorset, house and dog sitting for friends who are away in New Zealand. There is absolutely no mobile phone signal here, so perhaps that is a clue to the absence of internet acuity….
T Lover, I am distressed that my comment some days ago has caused you so much angst. That was emphatically not my intention, so I apologise. If I may, can I suggest that you are over-thinking all of this? Perhaps it would help to think back to when you began to comment on this site and think where you “were” then, and reflect on where you are now…. If I am feeling a bit down about things, I try to think back to how I was a year or even longer ago, and that puts everything in perspective. The other very important thing to remember is that there is so much potential for misunderstanding in written text – I have learnt that from my internet dating experiences too. ( E.g. irony doesn’t translate at all well in this medium.) I think that it is very helpful to be able to “unload” to a greater or lesser extent by posting on a site like this. By so doing, one indubitably spares ones nearest and dearest from having to endure the periodic plaintiveness of the perpetual plankton.[ 😉 ] But the downside is that one doesn’t have face to face contact with one’s correspondents or the luxury of being able to use emphasis in the form of italics, so the possibility of being misinterpreted is always present.
Jill, Jill, all this is getting out of kilter. Look, I understood perfectly.
What you said made me think. That’s all.
It was just that what you said chimed. And I need a new start.
And I promise you will end up with someone better than that husband and his relationship will go tits up. Bet.
Oh, good, I’m glad to hear you say that, T.
As for the ex and my “replacement”, thank you for trying to make me feel better about that situation, but I fear you are wrong. That “good lady” has not hung around for so long without the intention of securing her position,. Frankly, I would not care a jot about that, if the two of them would have the decency to make themselves scarce. What is really distressing to me is the fact that they are starting to be “accepted” by people who have no idea of what actually transpired. In my view, if one behaves in an unacceptable fashion, then one is beyond the pale. If anything is calculated to make someone feel “obliterated”, it is having to watch impotently as one’s former friends weakly accept the new status quo. In such situations, the “sinned against” is always advised to behave with dignity, but I have to say that there is an almost overwhelming temptation to do the very opposite!
It will work out. My used to be best friend started to knock off a neighbour’s wife. Wife one was a madam and a half and I know his sex life was non existent because he used to moan about it all the time. But girlfriend – he thinks she is wonderful – was the bitch from hell.
Wife one’s brother thought I was siding with my best friend. I wasn’t, the opposite. Then I fell out with my best friend because of girlfriend. Then when my wife started knocking off her boyfriend I fell out with his estranged wife or rather she stopped communicating with me and I have not heard from her for five years. I had known wife one and her family since I was 25.
That’s what happens.
Today, my boy is having a party. I am not invited. His mother her boyfriend and co are. Because I refuse to have anything to do with my wife – I lose. That’s what happens too.
But the reason I think you will win in the end is that in the majority of cases children do stick by their Mothers, they tend to get more time with grandchildren etc. Fathers less so. Your friends not only have to like him but her too.
It will work out. And whilst you, like me, are sore about what has happened I could never imagine life with my wife till death us do part. The cow. She has done me a favour, big style. And she is happy so she is not on my back all the time.
Things work out. Believe me.
Just had a text from my boy.
His Grandma – my wife’s Mother – has had a bleed and is not expected to survive the night
I hate people who say: life’s too short. But it is true that it is.
T, I very much appreciate you wishing to encourage me, but I am happy to say that there is no problem whatsoever with my sons and their loyalty to me. They DO have a relationship with their father which is exactly as I would wish, but they do NOT acknowledge his partner. (He made 2 great mistakes with them, a) telling them far too much about their relationship, and b) promising them that he did not have any contact with her in the ten or so years between his first (second?) affair with her and his eventual departure, which was a blatant lie – N.B. mobile phones are very dodgy allies when conducting an affair as the bills tell all…..
No, my deep regret is caused by the small number of “friends” who believed what they were told, and have cast me aside. When I remonstrated with one – my ex’s cousin who had been a friend of mine for 40 years – she told me that “blood was thicker than water”…..Two of these former friends were Godfathers to my youngest son, who has told them that he no longer regards them as his Godfathers, not simply because of the way they have treated me, but because they could not even be bothered to get in touch with him when his parents’ marriage disintegrated. I am proud to say that he is a very honourable young man and he is appalled that people who should know better can behave so badly and cruelly.
Jill, I am sorry if I have been clumsy – you are right I am trying to perk you up.
Dealing with these situations is tough. You have to have an iron will. Can I upset you again by saying I think you are making mistakes?
First, do not involve your children in any way. If they want to raise things. they think are wrong, OK, but don’t encourage it.
Second, do not remonstrate with anyone. Keep your dignity and say nothing. Having a go will just give the cousin an excuse not to get in touch and your (former) husband will be able to say: that’s what I had to put up with.
All you are doing is putting off the day the marriage is boxed off and you are ready to start again.
Well thank you T, and no you did not upset me, however I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say.
I certainly do not involve my children in any way…. but they are men not boys, the youngest is 22 and the two older ones are husbands and fathers themselves. However, they are still our children and my main objective over the past countless years has been to protect them from the situation we all eventually found ourselves in. I never discuss their father’s behaviour with them, and have tried to do my utmost to keep my thoughts and distress to myself, even in the most difficult of circumstances.
And neither do I remonstrate with the former friends…..my last contact with the “blood is thicker than water” relative was before the ex removed himself from the family home, but she was already entertaining my replacement and encouraging her cousin to sling his hook back then, so I thought it was reasonable to ask her why….
The marriage is well and truly boxed off, I assure you, and I am raring to start again /:-) All I need is an accomplice! 😆
Another wind tossed night’s sleep as the errant jet stream bowls an intense low pressure system into an already sodden ‘Blighty’. Scott up to his knackers in snow , others in mire and California in drought. It’s weird weather at the moment but it doesn’t stop those here contributing or debating their lot.
Fi made some very valid observations and, yes, we probably have formed a mental picture of those here. One of her comments did strike a chord and poses this question : When did you last write a letter ?
By that I do not mean general correspondence in business, to your divorce lawyer or to the Environment Agency. A proper letter, to a friend which has required thought , preparation , creative input and accuracy . You see , the art of letter writing is dying . We’re getting lax in our ways. Whilst the internet and the blog allows those with something to say a medium to express their view, in some ways it is stifling creativity. Would Austen have blogged and where would her email archive be accessed ?
Perhaps a number here are just frustrated wordsmiths . I used to write long letters to pals, now a brief but anodyne email fosters frequent, speedy but shallow communication. The world has been shrunk by Skype permitting free, live, video access to those around the globe. But, I’m beginning to think that mankind is losing something as a result of that progress . ” He was a man of letters ” has become synonymous with an intellectual but its origins are obvious. What does the future hold for the belletrist , the next Mark Twain or Samuel Johnson ?
As for TLover’ s bout of introspection, I’m pretty sure we all ask the same question of ourselves . Why bother to write here ? My answer has always been , why not ? It may be seen as self-help or a commonality of experience which needs sharing; it could be a sad void and loneliness which needs filling ; a willingness to share or an opportunity to write. Who knows and do any of us really care what the motivation might be. I would like to believe, however , that most of us would get on if we were to briefly meet and curiosity has always been the human race’s strength (and weakness).
Miss Diagnoses and Miss Bates are knee deep in the same snow I’m in here…
@ T- I hope that your family is all okay…
Cheers Scott.
I stood at my Mother in Law’s doorstep five years ago and confronted her about what my wife was up to.
Ho ho, none of your business ho ho. I could have slapped her after all the things I had done for her over the years.
Two and a bit years ago I met her fleetingly at my boy’s wedding. Hello T Lover – she wanted to talk but this time I pretty much snubbed her.
Now she is in a bad way (treatment withdrawn) I feel guilty but what can I do? My boy has been great. He knows she is goosed – I am not sure if she is even partly conscious – and spent the night in the hospital on Saturday.
I have deliberately waited for this (for my wife’s finances to dramatically improve) and am now thinking what an sh one tty thing it is I have done.
Thanks for asking.
lol @ “stink of rotting fish” … Welcome back!
Plankton
Is there a way of sending you a message, please? I would like to ask you to start a thread about how to cope with a particular aspect of being 50ish and single. Thank you.
NOOOOOO- Don’t do it, then you’ll know who Ms. Plankton is- I’ve stopped trying to figure out who she is, now for me much of the fun of this site is NOT knowing who our mystery hostess actually is- It’s one of those things in life that you want to wonder about a lot, but in reality, you really hope to never learn the answer to ….
She’s Julia Gillard, ex prime minister of Australia. That’s why she’s been broody lately.
I don’t think that I will know, nor would I want to. She might turn out to actually be a burly tattooed bloke sitting there in a vest with a fag in his mouth and I’d rather cling to the image I already have!
I’m hoping that there is a way of messaging her as The Plankton via the page or to an e-mail address called something like theplankton@gmail.com.
I just wanted to ask her to start a thread about how you feel when you hear from the last person you had feelings for before that side of life just vanished over the horizon for good cheerfully tells you in an e-mail that he is getting married this year. That happened to me this week and I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach. It’s true that I hadn’t seen him for a while and knew that he had what he described to me a while ago as “a beautiful girlfriend”, but it still shook me up when he told me that he was getting married. When we had our brief moment, he told me that he wasn’t looking for a permanent thing – I guess that changed.
I didn’t want to hijack Plankton’s exisitng thread with this, though, just ask her to start a new one on the subject.
I have every sympathy with you and what you are going through, Jane. It is something which I will also have to face and deal with, probably in the not too distant future, I have to say that enough time has elapsed since the end of my marriage that I think/hope I will be able to deal with the situation with equanimity. I am more worried about my sons’ reactions to the event than mine.
Bel Mooney writes an advice column for the Daily Mail now. I used to read her articles when she wrote a similar column for The Times and now keep an eye out for her in the Mail Online. She wrote a helpful article about the ex re-marrying which you will find at http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2171764/BEL-MOONEY-Weep-day-ex-remarries-No-say-I-fabulous-new-life.html (or if that link doesn’t work, you can find it under Columnists – Bel Mooney, on the Mail website.)
I hope you find the article helpful, and I wish you good luck, and – more importantly – peace of mind.
I don’t know if it helps to tell you but going back towards the responses to the early-ish posts there was an eMail address. And this may be completely off the wall but I think it might have appeared again when we had guest contributors.
Happy Valentine’s day Plankti.
I’m glad Jill brought up the word “equanimity”. It’s one of my favourite words, and it seems to be in such short supply lately. I’d never consider dating a woman who didn’t have a sense of equanimity.
Jane,
P has written a raw and poignant post about this – just over a year ago.
You’ll find it here: https://planktonlife.wordpress.com/2012/12/31/hibernation-and-prozac/
Thank you, Zoe – I’d forgotten about that post.
Jill, Thank you so much for the link to the Bel Mooney article, which I did find helpful.
Peace of mind is still eluding me, I’m afraid, as is sleep.
I’ve never actually been married or had a family and am finding it particularly painful knowing that the man to whom I have referred was not only someone with whom I had what I thought was an affinity, but, more particularly, someone who was separated and single at the time when I first met him and, therefore, a prospect.
Unfortunately, he made it clear to me that I was not a long term prospect as a partner as I was overweight – I have since lost 6 stone – and I found myself switching to the role of legal advisor and shoulder on which to cry. He was under a lot of stress and often turned to me for emotional support, which I gave even though I realised that he was casting his net wider, often with women not much older than his daughters.
Once everything was done and dusted, he no longer needed that support and went out searching for someone new with a renewed confidence and vigour. I suspect that this a familiar story, though – a man in his forties meets a woman of his own age who is supportive and encouraging, has a fling with her and then, once he is back on his feet, finds someone younger to marry, which is what has happened.
Thank you again for your kind words.
@TLover: I do enjoy visiting the pub when I spend time with friends in the U.K., but confess I usually leave the “fantastic power suits” at home in NY. Just FYI.
Bah.
It’s the image that is key to any fantasy. There was no need to let me down – I only have flights of fancy nowadays to keep me happy.
Ditto. *pulls on power suit*
That’s very nice of you Miss Bates.
Tonight, in my dreams, a fancy American Attorney will melt her tights against a Besom coal fire.
BTW, what’s to be done to reinvigorate this blog and is there an antidote to the urge to comment?
@TLover…… Everyone make 3 statements about themselves, 2 true, one fiction and we all guess which is the fiction?
Sorry, Peggy, I’m lost.
Was it something to do with socks?
Yay, just realised its valentines tomorrow. Hu **cking ray
I ran across your blog, and don’t intend the following to be insulting or hurtful, but I think it’s the truth.
Imagine you were a man who was really short – say, 5’2. How do you think women would react to him?
Probably he’d get rejected, over and over. He might be the nicest, funniest, smartest, most handsome guy ever, with the best breath and nothing wrong with him – but he’s really, really short. Women don’t want men who are 5’2. They’d ignore all the other good things about him just because of that.
Is it fair? No. Is it shallow? Yes. But if you were advising the guy, you’d say: “Hey, life sucks sometimes, but you’re really freaking short. You need to accept that you’re probably not going to get the women you want, and are going to have to settle.”
Well, hate to tell you this, but men and women are equally shallow. Women are shallow about height, men are shallow about age. If you’re in your 40’s or older, men are going to view you in the same way that you as a woman view a guy who’s 5’2. You can be all these other wonderful things, but you’re in your 40’s – you’re 5’2 to them.
Are they being shallow? Absolutely. But that’s just how people are. You’ve only got one real option yourself. If a 5’2 guy told me that women should just accept him for who he was, I’d tell him that maybe he needs to not be shallow himself. Date a women who’s older, or overweight, or who men don’t want for other shallow reasons. If personality is really what you think counts, put your money where your mouth is.
If you’re a woman who’s in her 40’s and who men are treating in the same way women would treat a short guy, I’d suggest the same thing. if you expect men not to be shallow, hold yourself to the same standard. There’s probably tons of guys who are rejected for very shallow reasons with nothing to do with who they are – too fat, too old, too short, too ugly. Start saying yes to those guys, and pick one with a good personality. If you don’t want to do that, you might have to accept being single.
In Ireland where I come from there are lots of short men. No, they are not leprechauns but there are quite a few men of 5’2″. They have no problem finding women shorter than them to date but they don’t seem to have problems dating taller women if that’s what they want.
Bitterness doesn’t work for short men, but Irish charm gets them any woman they want.
Have a nice Valentine’s Day 😀
I agree about Irish charm, Elle; I don’t know many Irish men, but the ones I have met have a real way about them.
As far as height is concerned, I can think of a few well-known men who are not particularly tall, but come across as attractive. Dec of Ant and Dec is not awfully tall, yet his face is attractive and he seems very bright and cheerful.
I don’t mind at all if a man isn’t taller than me. At the end of the day, I value kindness and decency more than height. If he is intelligent and has an attractive face and sparkling eyes as well, that’s me sorted, basically!
Well, it would be, if I could locate him!
Wishing a nice Valentines Day to all Plankton.
1234
I agree with a lot of what you say. I come from a family with a lot of short men and my nephew is the same height as me -5″2. It makes me cringe when I hear women going on (and on) about wanting a tall bloke.
Sorry, I’ve avoided responding to this for some time as I couldn’t think of anything more articulate than bollocks. I’ve tried and tried but honestly. The fact remains that it’s not height, size, wrinkles, gravity conceding body parts et al that has much to do with anything. 1234 from what you write I’m guessing this is slightly autobiographical. The factors which attract are generally CONFIDENCE combined with ‘that’ spark/ banter/ common ground.
And I speak from experience. Get over your short-fallings, everyone has them but some of us aren’t hung up by them. Most people are here as their confidence has been shredded by some ex or another, or they’re tired. Tired of the realities of the couply couply world that is middle age and this fora provides the reassurance that it’s not just ‘me’.
I’m exactly average at 5’10, so I don’t care personally. I just think it’s a pretty dead-on analogy. My point is, if you’re right and height and age don’t matter, why don’t you go on Match.com, set the search for a maximum height of 5’5, and start sending messages exclusively to short guys? All the other women are ignoring them for shallow reasons, so you’d have a huge pool of guys to pick from who are probably really great on the inside, but they’re short and ugly.
I suspect you won’t, because while it shouldn’t matter, it does to most people. That’s doesn’t make you a bad person, it’s just how we are. But again, if you’re a 5’2 guy or a 50+ woman, your realistic choices are either to be alone or to do what you’re asking the opposite sex to: pick a partner by ignoring all the superficial stuff. If you can’t do it, then how can you expect a man to? In his eyes, you’re exactly like the little 5’2 ugly guy, and he doesn’t want to settle, either.
1234. I think you’re right. Provocatively gleeful, but correct.
Or should I say ‘Gleefully provocative’?
Hmm, still disagree. As for Match.com – from my brief sojourn into internet dating and not using any filter apart from age and location I found most prospects to be ‘not for me’. Maybe I’m the freak, and an old fashioned one at that, but I prefer to meet my firends in the flesh and then you are able to immediately overlook vital statistics in favour of personality and that certain je nai se quoi.
Happy Valentine’s Day , to all those in Planktonia !
May your in-boxes may be chocka with expressions of lurve and may you need to shoulder barge the door open for the excess mail (or male) blocking it !
1234, if you’d read more of the blog you’d know that the author has been open to a relationship with just about the whole spectrum of men. I’ve no idea if any of them were 5ft 2 but, as Elle says, shortness is no barrier to a man finding a partner if he has other stuff going on.
1234 – I agree with Rosie and Elle. I am between 5 11 and 6 foot and have dated men who were 5’2″. We had a few jokes about needing a step ladder to say good night but that did not stop us.
Whether or not having “stuff going on” does help people (short, tall, man woman, ugly, attractive) find partners, it does stop people from obsessing about their lack of having one.
I do think that short men are a bit disadvantaged in the dating arena, but it’s not an insurmountable impediment.
I’ve read a great many of her posts, I don’t recall reading the reason for her divorce, but don’t think it’s true she has tried the whole spectrum of men. Many women say they have, but according to many of the online dating sites statistics, women on average considered 80% of the men on these dating sites as too “Unattractive”, to date, the men on the other hand only find 20% “Unattractive”.
The other thing that bothers me on this site is constant drone about men running off and hooking up with younger women…The truth is it’s the other way around, middle aged women now file 70% of divorces and their main complaint is not infidelity by their husbands, but unhappiness of their own lives. They think they can do better, go through a string of prospects that end up as short term sexual affairs that go nowhere, then whine how unfair it is that the Husband they ditched has found a younger wife???? It’s called Karma….
Wow love reading your updates..and BADASS !!! i now have a term to descibe my latest ex-number…the reponse for wanting a ‘relationshipy thing’ not just FWB was …’what type of a RELATIONSHP a 50 yr old women can get’ ?. Hello..we’r same age and Im still not 50 (ok 49.8) !!! but no point saying that right. ok NEXT. But reading 1234’s post made me squirm…yes just rejected a great 5’3 guy…can see the analogy..it hurts…but no badass for me anymore…plantonhood is better…
Well we’re now nearly one sixth of the way through 2014- @ Ms. Plankton- doing the calculations here, if you want to succeed with sticking to ALL of your resolutions for 2014, you should by now have accomplished at least two of the following: prickliness, chippiness, difficult, charmless, defensive, shy, rude and right….
Are we still on schedule? You’ll have a lot of catching up to do during the summer and the autumn months if you’ve not yet accomplished at least two (2) of your aforementioned goals by now…
Scott – well done for autumn, not fall. So transatlantic 🇺🇸🇬🇧
@ Ms. P- Can we get a Feb. post?
She is back in London. My Boy is in New Zealand. The dog is in the club. My estranged Mother in Law has died.
All four factors have conspired to stick a pin a T Lover doll. Right up the jaxi.
First: I am going to be tied to the house ‘till the pups have been weaned. Eight weeks in my opinion.
Second: that means I cannot get on with my place in Scotland. It has juddered to a halt.
Third: the wife may soon have the financial clout to jangle me about and so I am working my chuffer off to straighten up the matrimonial home and garden
Looking into my crystal ball I see a year of big changes, some not happy. I have lived in my house up a hill for twenty six years. The spring sun was out this morning. It was lovely – looking towards Kinder Scout. Magic.
Going to be a wrench to leave my security blanket and a frightener making a new life never mind far away from my lad. Most parents move closer. I am moving away.
Where are you? I’ve sold a flat and bought a house since your last post? Please come back? J XXX
Yes, Ms P – we really DO care….There is no pressure to continue your blog, but please do let us know if you are all right (relatively speaking.) It would be wonderful to know that your circumstances have changed for the better, but any news is better than none. Best wishes to you.
I guess P needs to define herself as “Post-Plankton”. The problem is that her anonymity stops her from posting openly elsewhere in a way that we can follow her loyally. What a pity …
While P’s away – and I hope P doesn’t mind my mentioning this – for those who have been a bit starved of stimulation on these matters, things have been hotting up over at the bitterbabe in the comments section under the post “surplus”. With some grand observations by some erstwhile plankton commentators. http://thebitterbabe.com/2014/03/23/the-surplus/
Yay! Heading on over. Thanks
🙂
Just used the link. How many times can women chew the same cud?
And what’s red pill, red pill crowd?
Will have a read of that later. Thanks, Zoe 🙂
@ Ms. P- http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/life/article4064178.ece
Niat Bangkit, Barca Akan Sapu Bersih La Liga
Berita terbaru dan terkini dari agen bola City Holiday – Barca kalah saat melakoni pertandingan di Mestalla, Kamis dinihari tadi. Gol dari Angel Di Maria dan Gareth Bale menjadi penyebabnya.
agen bola City Holiday Terpercaya –isa membalas lewat gol Marc Bartra, Barca pun kalah dengan skor tipis 1-2.
Harapan Barca untuk menggengam trofi musim ini tinggalah di ajang La Liga. Tapi, Los Cules juga berada di posisi kurang menguntungkan.
Barcelona bertekad langsung bangkit karena Masih punya pertandingan yang dimainkan di La Liga, mereka ingin selalu menang di laga-laga sisa itu.
Dengan Liga Spanyol yang tinggal menyisakan lima laga, Barca pun wajib menang di semua laga sisa, termasuk saat berhadapan dengan Los Colchoneros di pertandingan penutup musim.
Barca saat ini ada di posisi tiga klasemen dengan raihan 78 poin. Lionel Messi dkk. berjarak empat poin dari Atletico Madrid yang ada di puncak klasemen.
Sumber http://cityholidaybet.com/
Copa del Rey Bukan Trofi Pertama Gareth Bale
Berita terbaru dan terkini dari agen bola City Holiday – Sebagian orang berfikir trofi Copa del Rey adalah trofi pertama untuk Gareth Bale.
agen bola City Holiday Terpercaya – Akan tetapi jauh sebelum tenar seperti sekanrang, dia ternyata pernah meraih trofi.
Southampton klub di mana bale mengawali kariernya sebagai pesepak bola profesional ditahun 2006.
“Selamat untuk lulusan akademi @SouthamptonFC @GarethBale11 yang membawa @realmadrid mengangkat trofi Copa del Rey malam ini #saintsfc,” demikian tweet akun resmi Southampton.
“Ini bukanlah trofi pertama @garethbale di level klub – ini dia saat memenangi Liga Primer Akademi dengan #SaintsFC di 2006,” lanjut tweet dari klub berjuluk The Saints itu.
Memang trofi itu bukan dalam skala besar atau bahkan tidak bisa juga dibilang trofi minor mengingat Bale meraihnya saat belum berstatus pemain profesional. Saat itu Bale membawa tim U-18 Southampton menjadi juara.
Sumber http://cityholidaybet.com/
Ramos : Hari Yang Ajaib Untuk Madrid
Berita terbaru dan terkini dari agen bola City Holiday – Madrid sukses memetik kemenangan 2-1 di Final Copa del Rey melawan Barca. Dan sang penjaga lini belakang sergio ramos berkata ini merupakan hari ajaib buat madrid.
agen bola City Holiday Terpercaya – Gol dari Angel Di Maria dan juga Gareth Bale menjadi penentu kemenangan tim besutan Carlo Ancelotti itu.
“Ini merupakan hari yang ajaib. Ini merupakan sebuah kerja keras dan ini merupakan buah dari pengorbanan”.
“Kami sudah berjuang sepanjang tahun, ini merupakan gelar yang penting,” ucap Ramos di As.
“Ada banyak tensi dan dua tim yang luar biasa”.
“Kami menikmati malam yang ajaib. Dan sekarang kami harus terus melangkah, masih ada banyak yang tersisa musim ini.” tutup ramos.
Ramos menilai bahwa kemenangan ini merupakan ganjaran dari usaha keras yang sudah dilakukan oleh Madrid di sepanjang musim ini.
Sumber http://cityholidaybet.com/
Here- http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/magazine/article4063234.ece
I have set upa blog focusing on dating advice for middle-aged single women. It contains specific information that is not readily available elsewhere or well known to most single women:
http://autumnrtl.wordpress.com/about/
The Plankton readers are welcome to participate.
Oh dear, Fi has taken up mining. Going to send her a lamp and a canary.
In the Times last week the first Encounters ad was placed by a 40 something Derbyshire resident with a centrefold figure. Looking for a 60 plus year old to pamper her. On the game or what?
There was ‘phone number. Scott. Down boy. See you in July.
mining?
Mining the manosphere for gems, he means.
Ah. Cryptic 🙂
Cryptic? Gems? No, bored. Aunty Mary had a canary. Can’t remember the rest.
Would you like to see my Foster’s reel? Arrived today. Having multiple orgasms.
yes please
Sure? Wouldn’t want you to wake the neighbours.
they’re keeping ME awake
Oh my, I thought I had lost her but she’s back. My virtual lover – Stephanie Flanders. On the box today. I’m hugging the telly.
but….but…..she’s old! How can ANYONE find her attractive? She must be at least……40????!!!!
Am rofl, Fi…… 😆
I do.
Big style.
‘cept she went out with Balls and Osborne (or was it Cameron?) which might be a sign of a lack of taste on her part.
If only she knew my feelings for her, saw my picture, she’d be round like a shot.
Oh, my beautiful Stephanie.
July? Is there a meet?
Cracking morning. In the garden first thing. Naked. Bar a pair of slippers and a mug.
These lovely summer mornings a boy’s thoughts turn to ….
Wouldn’t it be nice to flatten some grass?
Never mind.
Hope that’s not the front garden and you don’t live in town
The neighbours behind are circa 800 yards away – the house is elevated and they have binoculars.
400 yds away to the front right (and again above my place) is a neighbour who used to watch the missus bring her boyfriend to the house while I was at work.
So, who cares if I wander around in the buff? If they want to peep good luck.
Was re-reading Puckoon. Makes me giggle. The description of the groom being dragged to the altar by the bride’s seven foot red haired father. The hiring of a ventriloquist from Cork to say “I do”.
Come back, Ms Plankton- i for one have missed you and the Planktonistas…
Lovely weather. Prevented from wandering in the buff by unusually high midge population and embarrassment.
Saturday. Was getting dressed for a party to find jacket was unexpectedly tight.
Cause? Luxurious love handles which seem to have appeared by stealth.
Pride and risk of being seriously bitten now prevents naked in the garden.
So, this party. Most blokes were in black tie. I loathe the code although women seem to love it. I wore my unbuttonupable suit.
Anyway, the GF’s niece was there. Striking looks. Dressed to show off her perfect legs and figure.
Brains (Oxford) and a fancy job in the city. But no sex appeal whatsoever.
She is such a madam. So far up herself. Plum in her mouth and another stuck up her backside. She has no conversation. Getting a smile is like trying to strike a match on a sausage. She talks to me as though I am a nasty smell.
She has been (unsuccessfully) internet dating. Has it gone anywhere? No. I wonder why.
Why no sex appeal do you think?
Been trying to think what the answer to that question might be but I don’t know.
The next fella might think she is sex on legs but I don’t.
What I do know is that I am not the only one who thinks along the same lines – so there must be something about her blokes pick up. Perhaps it is simply the fact she is not a nice person.
Hmmm. I suppose what makes someone attractive or otherwise is more than the configuration of their features. I read somewhere recently that people can become more attractive to you when you begin to know and like them – apparently people were rated before knowing someone then after a while rated again- so while that is reassuring for some people she might fall into the opposite category and she becomes less attractive because people don’t like her?
Absolutely.
As you get older the physical becomes less attractive than the person within.
But in the example in point the physically very attractive is blotted out by the unpleasant personality.
In my case – I should add for editorial balance – I am neither an oil painting nor Mr Personality, so, it is perhaps unfair to have a go at anyone else.
Going to Coldstream tomorrow for a flying visit – an audience with the electrician. Worrying now about the delay in getting the house done and the consequences of a “yes” vote.
“In my case – I should add for editorial balance – I am neither an oil painting nor Mr Personality, so, it is perhaps unfair to have a go at anyone else.” – I wasn’t aware there was a rule saying someone couldn’t comment on somebody else’s manners unless they were independently evaluated as being more attractive?
Hopefully there won’t be a yes vote. It all depends on how many people believe that Scotland will turn into the Garden of Eden/ Mount Olympus/ Land of Milk and Honey. Which of course it will <>
Well there is an adage along the lines: people who live in glass houses should not throw stones although I don’t think it is quite on the money in this case.
Managed to fall out of bed at 4.30 in the morning – never knew there was such a time – and catch the 6 o’clock to York before on to Berwick.
Am increasingly frightened about the move to Scotland. The travel, to see builders and the like has become a burden.
At home this week. The Tour de France is swinging through Glossop at the weekend. Would like to see it go by. The problem is the population of the Northern Hemisphere will also be there so where will I go, how will I get there?
On the hallucinatory subject of Fi and T Lover, in Puckoon there are passages about Frederick Eels, a circus midget who died in a fall on his honeymoon night. And his paranoia about sex with a woman so much taller.
The Doctor advised the sex would be fine but he would have no-one to talk to whilst making love.
I wouldn’t worry really – it will be a no vote. Even if it is a yes vote (which it won’t) we still have electricity here and food and hospitals and stuff, and there haven’t been any border raids for a few centuries. 🙂
I thought this blog was dead and buried and here you are still posting comments. I do miss it, though.
Hi, Fi! How are you doing? Here in Portugal, same old, same old.
Hello! I’m great thanks – the biggest change for me is that I’ve just heard I can get redundancy, which means a smallish pension to cover my bills, so I can go off and try new things. No idea what yet, and I have to admit it seems insane to give up a well paid if boring job for….who knows what…but I’m quite excited about it. At least my bills will be covered even if my hairdresser isn’t. And I’ve begun to learn to play the ukelele with some friends (can do Leaving on a Jet Plane and Love Me do ) so that’s quite good fun. I went for a this yoga massage last week – oh my god! – i’m still sore! couldn’t walk properly for days. What have you been up to?
Fi, do you mean you’re going to retire? WTF!! How old are you? I’m (almost) 52 and I can expect to work for another 8 to 10 years, at least. And I f*cking hate my job. I’m a teacher, I teach English (believe it or not) to small kids (10 to 12 year olds). Kids can be extremelly difficult, but the parents are even worse and don’t get me started on my colleagues.
I moved 8 months ago and I fucking hate my new house. I live in a flat. I loved my old house, I was born there and I lived there for 51 years!! I loved the neighbours, I had a small backyard with lots of cats… Unfortunately I had to leave, because the house was very old and I needed a lot of money (which I don’t have) to repair it.
Re twinkles, my boss’s husband still gives me the eye, but I couldn’t go there. Besides looking like Santa Claus and being much older, the guy is married. My boss has been pretty nasty to me lately. I don’t know why, I barely talk to her husband to avoid trouble, but she still hates me.
On another note, my new landlord who seemed to be a real nice, decent man, to whom I talked to quite naturally about life, his kids, work, etc, made a pass at me, making me feel deeply disappointed and f*cking disgusted. I don’t think I’ve led him on, I just talked normally to him, no hidden intentions. I don’t know what gave him the idea I was up to a roll in the hay. Just the thought of it, makes me want to vomit, not only is he ugly as sin, he’s very short, kind of a midget and married!!
What’s wrong with these men? Now, I can’t even look him in the eyes and I’m looking for a new place to live.
My, this was a very long comment. I hope I don’t bore you to death.
“Just the thought of it, makes me want to vomit, not only is he ugly as sin, he’s very short, kind of a midget …”
Well, Mr T Lover won’t be buying a one way ticket to Portugal then. Was hoping I could get the old pervie off my hands for a while.
Platform soles?
T, 🙂
T, come to Portugal. Not kidding, the weather is lovely, the food is delicious, we have great wines (the most famous being Port wine), the people are very friendly, there are great beaches, lovely countryside, ancient mouments to visit and I could go on… Last but not least, hotels, restaurants, shops are very cheap.
If you ever decide to visit Portugal,come to the north, to Braga, the city I live in. It goes back to Roman times when it was called Bracara Augusta.
Oh Maria,
When I was married the second time, I applied for a special licence and was married in a hurry. We did not have a honeymoon.
For the anniversary, my new Mother in law persuaded us that the Portuguese Atlantic coast was the place to go – quiet, beautiful and the place of choice for the crowned heads of Europe in exile during WW2.
Get a flight to Lisbon she said, a taxi across to the station and a train to Estoril or Cascais. And so we did the year after we married.
All went well until we arrived in Portugal. The taxi driver overcharged – apparently the double charge was for the luggage.
It was an election week. There were beggars on the train. The station was filthy. The election noise from the competing speakers was deafening.
Now if you imagine I live in a very quiet place up a hill, Portugal so far was not for me.
I was now in a mood. I asked a taxi driver to take us to the nearest hotel. It was right on the main coast road. Used by cabin crew. We went to the room and changed. Me into my five a side trainers (borrowed from Scott, ho ho) and the shorts I had worn whilst decorating.
At the pool were the tanned, beautifully turned out airline personnel – a fair proportion of them gay. Then there was me. White as milk.
That night I got drunk and fell out with a waiter, big style.
We moved on to Cascais. The wind blew and blew off the Atlantic. It was chilly. I was bored as hell. I found a café up a back street where I could have (on my own) an Espresso, a brandy and read yesterday’s Telegraph.
The only real excitement was when we were caught in flagrante by the girl who had come to change the bed. I remember too that there was a big mirror at the side of the bed which seemed to please the wife. How things changed.
The last two days of the week were lost forever because I sulked. She had forgotten to order some sand for the builder working at the house.
I accept everything you say about Portugal. I just did it badly. A pal buys in some smashing Portugese wine including, a while ago, some sparkling Rosé which he bought for peanuts as bankrupt stock.
Today, I don’t have a passport and am worried sick about my divorce, the financial consequences and my business. Desperate to find time to sort the new place in Scotland. So going anywhere will have to wait for a while.
And as for you, I too hate my job, I hate my boss (I am my boss) and no-one has made a pass at me for a while. So things can’t be all that bad.
oh dear to both of you. T – I have sensed before that you are a bit of a sulker. It’s not good.
Maria – yes I’ve retired from my job and I’m 52 too, but if I want to have any kind of fun (including getting a haircut) I’ll need to get another job which is what I’m planning to do. This time though I’m going to do something I want to do because I am in the extremely lucky position of having enough coming in to ensure my basic bills are met. Basically I am extremely fortunate that the people I work for are looking to make folk redundant, and because I am over 50 I get to take the pay off as a pension. Yay freedom! Choice! The price I’ve paid though for the last 20+ years in my job is watching my soul shrivel bit by bit. I confirmed today and already feel lighter 🙂
T,I’m sorry you had such a shitty time in Portugal during your honeymoon.
Whenever you can, you should give it another try, but this time come to the north. And we do have some really fantastic wines.
Hope everything goes well with your divorce and things.
No, I had a good Portuguese holiday. Have had many a giggle about the things that went wrong.
In the kitchen I have a black and white photograph of the wife in (small) shorts and skimpy tee-shirt, her hair blown by the Atlantic breeze. I married for lust and repented at great leisure.
And as for you Miss Fiona and my sulking habit I think I am Saint T Lover compared to some. The first GF I had after the split from the last missus drove from Scotland on the Friday evening, fell out with me about my choice of film and drove straight back.
The same silly cow regularly unplugged her ‘phone so it would ring out whilst she sat in silence, her bottom lip stretching across the carpet.
Good God. Do adults actually do that sort of thing???
Fi, I wish I could retire, but that’s not an option now. First of all, I wouldn’t get a pension, over here you’re not allowed to retire unless you’re in your 60’s or have terrible health. Fortunately I have no major health issues.
I have a bit of money aside but I can’t spend it. I don’t know how long I’m going to live and, since I don’t have children, I need the money to get to a good nursing home, when I’m really old and can’t take care of myself.
i do have children but they’ve already told me that if I live long enough to get to that stage they’ll be putting me in a care home anyway. wish i could say they were joking but I don’t think so.
Hello everyone – am very very late to this thread but I love this blog muchly. I don’t know who it was (Jane?) who made the comment about an ex and his entitlement to go out and get a younger woman. My three great girlfriends have done online dating and they’ve all independently come to a similar conclusion:
1. A half decent man will be snapped up almost instantly.
2. Some men (seemingly intelligent) are brain-bleedingly stupid when it comes to social interaction. Such as posing next to their car, making snide remarks about their ex in the dating profile, or photographed with their arms round two women. Oh yeah – that’ll get the babes . . .
3. Unattractive men (faces the colour of boiled bacon, Deliverance teeth, pony tails, mono-brows etc) see no problem with making tabloid like demands on the kind of woman they want ie Barbie with a fake tan.
Ok so I go to a dinner where they’ve found me a ‘lovely man’. Have I asked for one? No – but I’m fed this information on the way there and it seems rude . . . (the number of times I’ve gone along with something because it would have seemed rude not to). I arrive and the man chosen for me looks about 70 and has the posture of a question mark – his belly enters the room half an hour before the rest of him. He also has a high pitched nasal voice and starts to quiz me immediately on whether I’ve read the works of ‘third wave feminism’. (Oh dear – waving the feminist credentials – a bit like the men who profess how ‘nice’ they are. If you have to profess it . . . . ). So he quizzes me, and it’s ok but I can’t take my eyes of his teeth – sort of brown and moving in different directions. As the evening wears on he undoes the buttons of his shirt in manner of Engelbert Humperdink. Why do some men assume the rule about not exposing yards of flabby flesh only applies to women?
And then he mentions a friend of mine who works in the same field as him and says something about her being ‘a bit porky’. I am really angry and tell him not to be so rude about my friend. But he still asks for my number at the end of the evening.
I say no instead of making an excuse.
I’m sorry this is so long. But when certain people or newspapers or stupid ‘self-help’ books order us to ‘settle’ remember, standards are there for a reason. And if that guy had been a fantastic conversationalist, I’d have gone out with him like a shot. But he just didn’t like women very much. There are lot out there like him. And it always ‘leaks’ out if you’re tuned into the red flags.
xx
So I find myself flicking the iPad again, on a Saturday night.
i suddenty thought just being online,goodness we have heard nothiong from Plankton lately,she must have stopped the blog. Ill google it, and its still here but see shes not commented lately.
I havent been on it not because ive found my dream manlol just havent, i did go on a living alone site recommended by Bel Mooney in Mail but it was quite frankly very depressing and i didnt stay on it long. Whereas on here people were funny, seem to have friends and did this and that, this site seemed full of depressing,unhappy people ,many of whom didnt seem to have a friend in world and very little good word to say about any of their neighbours, people they new, workmates anything, I once mentioned id been out with friends and got told off by someone saying if i had friends i shouldnt be on the site. So unless you want to be seriously depressed dont attempt it,it was making me feel worse, Plankton was much better, but can see it all got a bit too intense for her.
Oooh no. You don’t want to go somewhere full of miserable people moaning. You want to have a laugh don’t you? Life is short so might as well have fun 🙂
Try Bitterbabe or Mining the manosphere.
Greetings all !
Having been alerted to there still being life in the Plankton pond, I thought I would share this cheerful ditty with you :
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5527127
Worth a listen, it amused me anyhow.
We then have Lucy Cavendish’s latest take on dating men over 50 – “Scruffy. Unfit. Arrogant.” but then, Lucy, we just haven’t met yet and do please ditch those shoes – which come hot on the heels of a survey declaring that men start becoming invisible to women at 40.
So, where does that leave us – in the same pond without a paddle ?
Well it really said (most) men over 40 become unattractive (fat jowly etc)and as a consequence are invisible to women. It’s not all men, and it’s not because of their age. It’s to do with how attractive they are. Same with women. And it is controllable if you don’t want to end up there and we all know what to do. It’s just that a lot of people prefer to complain that other people don’t find them attractive because they are older, or other people are superficial, rather than make the effort to stay slim, dress well and look after themselves. In my view
Think we all agree on that one Fi.it isnt a problem really is it. eating sensibly, dressing well, exercising, no need for expensive gyms, walking easy enough, regular dental appointments, I just think men seem to imagine women will fancy them however they look,and however much older than them they are, whereas we are more realistic.!
Saw it on facebook PY it was funny and i dont ;like country music. .men invisible to women, over 40 now that is a new one, wonder how they thought that one up.lol
Friday. Evening.
Post wife girlfriend number three has been in touch this week.
Twenty plus years younger. Memory fuzzy but I think I followed a bloke who was twenty six years older.
She made me laugh a lot. Bonny. Never married no kids. Has been telling me about her latest failed relationship. Sounded awful familiar.
I thought I was the problem.
She now says she doesn’t need a man. How can she think that way? Is there anything better than waking up with a naked woman?
T, don’t take this the wrong way, but it seems to me that your girlfriend has daddy issues.
Yep
🙂
Yes Mummy.
I am wearing a tin helmet because I want to mention a subject I have mentioned before with the result I had to dodge rotten fruit – the bidet and the fact that in the UK you are thought of as a loon if you own one.
I could not live without a bidet.
I have a phobia about intimate moments spoiled because your squeeze is what shall I say, a bit niffy. Or by the unexpected discovery of a stray scrap of loo paper – a problem with the cheaper varieties.
Have a look at this:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-26851005
And here’s another thing. On Saturday I visited the recesses of the female mind.
Now, every bloke in the known universe is aware of this fact: a woman is never wrong.
She was away last week – back on Saturday. Had been food shopping. Even after removing her life support system (alcohol) the bag was heavy enough to cut off the blood supply to my fingers.
The fridge was already brimming. I had to make space for a pack of tomatoes (we already had five, two part used), a bag of salad (the seventh four of which were part used) and so on.
And a mega cucumber. She bought this gadget for thin slicing cucumber and now has a cucumber thing. I can take it or leave it. It tastes of bugger all and adds the square root of bugger all to a salad.
I am fed up. I don’t want to spend time on my knees re-arranging the fridge to cater for a profligate salad surplus. So I gently says to her: you know, we already had a cucumber.
Answer: I bought it because you didn’t tell me you hadn’t eaten the last one. What?
So, now I have to be a psychic. I have to squeeze my eyes shut, work out she has decided to shop on the way home, that she is on the point of picking up yet another cucumber and at that moment ‘phone. Sorry love, I haven’t eaten the last one yet. But as usual the fault is mine.
Hahahahahahaha.
Although let’s face it T you like to have a woman to moan about. If you didn’t have one you’d probably need to invent one. Maybe you have…..
See you Jimmy. You saying I’m an invention?
We know you’re an invention. What I’m not sure about though is whether your alter ego knows you are an invention. I suspect he thinks you’re real. And maybe he believes in his mind that you really do moan about the cucumber and all the other complaints he posts here.
Come on Fi, give me a break – I couldn’t make it up even if I wanted to.
maybe you’re just paranoid and when she said she “bought it because you didn’t tell her you hadn’t eaten the last one” she meant she wasn’t aware it was still in the fridge and not “so it’s your fault”. Maybe you’re just reading too much into it?
Well you are wrong there too – sorry.
When she’s made a cock up but won’t admit it and when she is trying to pass off a load of bull as my fault my best tactic is to switch off. Go deaf. Otherwise I would go mad.
Her, typical, womanly response is to attack along the lines: you never listen to me. My riposte: True.
Since Saturday’s episode I have discovered another weapon. The cucumber moment. When she kicks off, when I am having derision unfairly heaped on me because I am a mere man and she is a blessed by the gods, never wrong woman I stick this limpet mine to her hull: you are having a cucumber moment.
Meaning: she is talking a load of Henry Halls to save her face. As women do.
And do not deny, Fiona, that women are always accusing men of not listening to them.
I do not want to involve you in lowering the tone of this blog but here goes: that’s why Apple invented the iBreast – I have changed the name to make it marginally less vulgar – the sound system that could be attached to a woman’s bosom. Because women’s main complaint about men is that they stare at their breasts but never listen.
Er….I never complain about men not listening to me. And I haven’t heard anybody else say that either. I find men do perfectly well. It depends on what you say and how you say it I guess. And whether the man wants to be co-operative or not. It is just a myth that woman say that (although I’m sure some do somewhere). It doesn’t appear to be a myth though that there are men who would be happier in a shed at the end of the garden to get away from Her Indoors.
As I think has been said many times on here before, maybe, just maybe, your deliberate policy of doing things that you know wind up women (not sure if it is the same one all the time or different ones) may actually exacerbate the problem?
T, not only are you shagging a much younger woman with all the perks that entails, but she also does the shopping. You can take a little whining about a cucumber, you lucky bastard!
PS: I like cucumbers and I also have a bidet. Bidets are very much appreciated here in Portugal.
What are the perks?
Well Fi, he gets to show off his girl to his mates and I know men love that. He gets to enjoy her firm, tight body, her beauty. And on top of all that, she also does the shopping. I say he’s very lucky.
Maria, have you been eating something odd? Some funny mushrooms?
Can we start again? Wife leaves. Having a meal with fishing mates in Scotland when woman I had spoken to by ‘phone but never met turns up. With bloke. Turns out he is her lodger. She calls and asks me for meal next time I am in area. I say yes. That goes on for a few months until I have had enough of her stupid childish strops.
I try Encounters and meet two women in the flesh one of which is this twenty odd year younger piece I took over from a thirty year older (or whatever it was) bloke. That lasts five minutes but not in acrimony – we still keep in occasional touch, as I do with the other Encounters woman I met that year.
The next year I meet the present on/off long haired Controller the one who nowadays has taken to cucumber moments.
Now Maria, I can’t see any future for me in twenty year age gaps and but for the twenty something younger woman pushing at the time probably wouldn’t have met her at all. And there couldn’t have been much sexual pleasure for her in my saggy torso. Perhaps she just fancied the older wallet but in fairness, knowing her, I don’t think that is fair.
Today, I am past showing off a woman’s looks. I did that with the second wife and look where that got me. She had lots of attention from other blokes, loved it and my family is now on the scrapheap.
Better relationships are with someone bright who makes you laugh. And the worm turns. The wife has turned fifty as has her waist measurement. She has lost her looks and doesn’t seem to care any more. The bloke she is with is a numpty. I don’t see how she could be happy.
Two other things. You would be welcome were you ever in the Borders. You would be a bit difficult to explain but welcome.
Two: eBay is a very good place to buy bidets. I bought four for the house I am doing up at a total cost of around £20 quid. Isn’t that a fascinating fact?
“You would be welcome were you ever in the Borders. You would be a bit difficult to explain but welcome”. Such a pleasant friendly place this blog. Shame it’s petered out.
T, I’m sorry things have gone so wrong after your divorce and you haven’t been able to find a nice woman. That’s life, I guess. But don’t lose hope, it may still happen.
Something tells me that you may still get together with your wife (the good-looking one). It seems to me you still have feelings for her, which is only natural. Maybe she’s not such a bitch now, age changes you, you know.
Thank you for your offer, but where are the Borders? Scotland? I don’t think I will ever go to Scotland, sadly.
You know you are very welcome if you ever come to Braga, Portugal.
Feelings for my wife? You ought to be on the stage. Years of wondering what she was up to when she would not pick up her ‘phone. You can keep that for a game of soldiers.
The bit of the Borders to which I hope to move at some stage – if the builders get their fingers out – is 50 minutes car drive south of Edinburgh and maybe an hour north of Newcastle.
It is an understated bit of the UK but has everything. Scenery, history, the coast, peace and quiet. Worth a visit.
I agree it is a nice friendly chatty place 🙂
Hey T, I’m on the 3.30 train from Edinburgh passing through Berwick soon. Come down to the station and give me a wave. I’m in coach b 🙂
Mexican wave?
Get off at Berwick. catch the Perrymans bus outside the station and journey up the Tweed valley.
Berwick is supposed to have the country’s biggest black economy.
There are some terrific Georgian buildings – especially round the harbour front.
The beaches south of the town (towards and below Banburgh) must be amongst the best in the country, not to mention the castle itself.
One thing that bugs me about the area is the Tweed valley is largely owned by some very wealthy titled individuals most of whom seem to have met one another at Eton.
Anyway, when I have sorted my dog situation – I have six at home in Derbyshire at the moment, two is the norm – I will happily stand on Berwick station and wave. Will you wave back? Through trains pass Berwick at 50 mph plus. Will you wear a special hat?
We stopped. The platform was empty
😦
T, what are you going to do to your dogs? Don’t tell me you’re going to abandon them somewhere very far away from home. 😦
Two belong to neighbours who are on holiday for another twelve days.
I also have three working Labrador puppies one or two of which need good homes. I am keeping one/two and the mother.
As, this morning, I was being told for the umpteenth time what a bad person I was I turned to think of Eureka moments. That instant the apple landed unexpectedly on his head thus inventing gravity.
I was turning this thought in my mind: the bloke who invented the scold’s bridle, did he have a Eureka moment, were his senses eroded over a long period? What happened? What did his wife say to offend him so? Did the idea come to him in a flash or did a pal say: If mine talked to me like that I’d….. Who was he? What did he do for a living? Was he ever reconciled with his wife?
And do women realise the corrosive effect nagging has on a relationship? And the 21st century women who bemoan the no man fact, do they stop to think there is a reservoir of fellas who ain’t going to put up with it again.
Of course these are scurrilous thoughts of the lowest order. Women never nag. Have you ever met a woman who will ever admit to nagging? In my house the word is “discussions”. In my head the reality is purgatory.
Still here and observing.
T please don’t ever stop being a grumpy old man, you keep me chuckling
God your lifestyle sounds horrific. I couldn’t bear to live with the level of conflict you seem content to live in and encourage by your admitting to doing provocative things as though it’s all a game you’re enjoying playing. With all your women. I would have been off after the second time you did it to me
Fi, don’t be like that. My real name is Saint T Lover. And less of the “all your women”, I should be so unlucky.
You know what? I suggested this am that if I was such a bad person – as bad as she claims – why didn’t she bugger off and find someone better.
Her response was she was going to carry on until she got me on the straight and narrow. In her twisted female mind she thinks it’s good for me! After all these years I am going to be re-born as a mat. Apparently.
Anyway, I haven’t dared raise the subject but I think I am having another sabatical for a few days. I am now firing my rifle in the air.
Is it not just all so …….exhausting? Don’t you want to just potter about with someone that can be nice to you and you be nice to them? Take each other cups of tea? Do things together and enjoy it?
Fi, hang on I thought you said I made it all up.
Which in your case would be the pot calling the kettle black.
At 3.35 this morning I was arrested on Berwick station for gesticulating at a women in carriage B on a passing train.
Turned out it was a drag act going back to Glasgow from a hen night in Newcastle.
If you were really on that train where were you as I was being dragged away?
That explains why I didn’t are you just now when I passed back through Berwick
T, why don’t you make your own blog? You’re a funny fellow, even though a bit nuts and you write a few things that I don’t understand, but that’s because English isn’t my mother language and I don’t share your cultural references. This one is dead and buried and I don’t think P will ever come back.
Think about it. Fi and I would be followers, obviously. You could talk about all the shenanigans you go through with your ex’s, girlfriends and women in general and also about love in middle age.
I went to “Bitterbabe” and “Mining the Manosphere” but it just isn’t the same.
Pretty soon we won’t be able to comment here anymore and we’ll lose contact. What a fucking shame! :- (
That’s not a bad idea Maria. The other blogs are good but really you need the traffic of commentators who are happy to get the conversation going for people to chat. I don’t know why this one took off but it did. I think a blog by T moaning about women, and his women, would be quite entertaining. He would enrage women less tolerant than us and that would be amusing in itself.
Yet again, I’m moved to comment and can’t remember my nickname. Oh well, it’ll have to be Ethel this time round then.
Maria, Fi, great ideas. If the blog went completely, and it may do at this rate, there would be no way of keeping in touch. I would miss reading the Continuing Adventures of T Lover. T Lover, what you do say to your own blog?
Ms P, if by chance you are reading this… can we please have a quick update or at least a reassurance that the blog will be left here for us to read and comment on…?
Because I’m a bit of a saddo and want to ‘know’ who I’m talking to, I’ve looked through a few previous posts and you were Single not Desperate. Gah time to get up 🙂
Er, ok, Fi, thanks! I had at least two other names before that I think. Going back to 2012 or was it 2011? Never mind. Ethel may stick now.
gah why did you tell me that????
You’re the virtual equivalent of someone whose face you know but can’t place where you know them from.
I doubt you’d remember me, Fi, it was such a long time ago that I started reading this blog, and I didn’t comment that much. Let it go, it’s not important 🙂
Thank you for the suggestion but no. I have a blog to which I have not added a post for three years. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
But: I have enjoyed this blog. I would have liked to have met some of the contributors. I floated a suggestion (about meeting) that seemed to fall on stony ground. I thought Scott was over in July but he has disappeared.
I appreciate the logistics might have been difficult. I have a problem at home. If she found out there would be hell to pay. Not that I am bothered from a relationship point of view, it is just that she might feel personally let down if she read what I have included in a public blog.
The impression I have is that if the Blogger wrote another post the whole thing would spark into life again.
I also think there is a proportion of silent contributors who, like me, keep a regular weather eye on the blog. Get onto the Times and see if you can get her to wake up.
Perhaps Scott got lucky…
Well I’ll give you a shout next time I go through Berwick 🙂
T, what’s the name of your blog?
Maria, I am not going to say.
I have an interest in some fishing. The powers that be decided that they wanted to restrict the number of salmon caught in the spring period. Tempers became terribly short and I kicked off a blog.
I feel a bit embarrassed about it now – looking back I would have handled things differently. I intend to re-open it soon but before I do will edit out some of the pages.
I think Fi is right, I have a problem with women. In my mind I think it is with people generally but I could understand how some might think otherwise.
Last evening, I went into the supermarket on the way home. I bought a tin of dog food and a pack of razors. Two items in total for which I had the exact money.
Three tills were working. All had queues. I plumped for what I thought might be the best and landed behind a woman with an overflowing trolley. Had roles been reversed I would have said (to her): just two things? Dive in front. Not her. Item after item. The whole conveyor. Stacked.
I began to dislike her. Mean sour mouth turned down at the edges. Plump in a Buddha sort of way. No bosom which, given the amount of lard she was carrying, was a tad surprising.
Then, she takes eons to pay. Cannot find her card. Then she takes more eons to shove off with her trolley. I began to really dislike her.
Anyway, now I am back in the old car at the junction with the main road. The car breaks down. In the mirror I see the flat chested Buddha right up the exhaust of my car. The bloody moo started to blow her horn. I dropped the window and waved her by. She just sat there blowing her horn.
A gentleman would have ignored her. I got out and strode to her window. “Tell you what love, let’s swap. I’ll sit in your car blowing the horn and you try and start my car.”
Well that lit her fuse. No idea what she said but whatever pearls were thrown my way were thrown with that high pitched shrill delivery woman summon up when miffed.
So I went back to her window. Excuse me love. I’m building an idiot can I borrow your mouth?” She went mad.
It’s funny how things turn out. I got the car going. Went 200 yards to get petrol and stood behind the same female slug in the queue. If she knew what I was thinking. A bloke wouldn’t have behaved like her.
That is so funny. You have said what other people simply dream of saying or say in their head. I would have paid to see that. 😀 😀
T, that is so well written and had me laughing! 🙂 You really should be writing a blog.
For the record, I would have let you jump ahead in the queue *and* I would have got out my car and come to see if you needed assistance. But then I’ve been told I’m too nice!
Well, I don’t know what men are like where you live, but here in Portugal not only do they drive much worse than women but they’re also much bigger jerks on the road.
I don’t drive but my sister does and she was insulted lots of times by men on the road. One old bloke once even came out of his car and tried to assault her just because she called his attention for something wrong he had done. And the same thing happened to my sister-in-law.
Most men here are misoginists and they are even worse on the road. For instance, they can’t stand being overtaken by women, they consider it some sort of big attack on their masculinity.
Maria, we get them too, though they don’t sound anywhere near as horrible as yours. White van man is the classic round where I live. They hate being overtaken on the motorway by a woman in a small car (me!), though they are only assuming from the car that it’s driven by a woman. They probably cannot actually see me. As soon as I overtake, they have to overtake, get back in front of me and slow down.
Well, they did until recently… I upgraded from my old basic model to the new model in the ‘sports’ version… twice the horsepower. Now I overtake, they don’t like it, pull out to overtake me and I put my foot down. They haven’t got the acceleration to keep up, let alone overtake me… Oh how confused they must feel as I leave them behind! 😀 😀 (Within the speed limit of course and only when it’s safe!)
Ethel, good for you. You show them, girl.
Please T write one. Just your general moanings about your day to day life, written in your humorous way would be really entertaining. There’s obviously a market – think Victor Meldrew and Grump Old Men 🙂
Oh Fi, was off my face last night. Woke at 5. Do I feel rough? Sorry.
I’m away to the coal merchant’s in a minute.
If I am running short he will leave a bag or two outside the fence so I can collect after hours.
I arrive. No bags. First thing next morning I ‘phone. They definitely put three bags by the gate. Never mind. Someone had it away with my anthracite before I got there. I am then told how a couple of weeks ago a new bunker was stolen plus a ton of fuel to put in it.
At 4 I had a phone call. The police had my missing bags. The boys had seen the bags by the gate, thought another burglary was in progress, had staked the yard out and taken my anthracite as evidence.
I promise you, this is the sort of thing that happens to me all the time. Why does God pick on me?
Honestly? They don’t only happen to you. What is unique about you, and makes you very entertaining, is the way you respond to these things.
And the way you describe them. 🙂
T, another suggestion: why don’t you comment on “Bitterbabe”?
I have the feeling that pretty soon we won’t be able to comment here, anymore.
http://thebitterbabe.com/ (sorry don’t know how to make a link to the blog)
Seems I made a link without even knowing it.
🙂
I feel comfortable here – I can wear scruffy clothes, slippers and draw on my pipe.
Boring: I would have enjoyed a meet up even if it was only by Skype and without cameras.
There are – seemingly – only a handful of people who are still hanging round. So, perhaps Maria is right the whole thing is dying a death.
It’s like a party where the hostess has buggered off to bed and the drink is just about finished and there’s just a few folk hanging about the kitchen checking the bottles 🙂
I might nip down and see you when you’re in Berwick you grumpy old man
“It’s like a party where the hostess has buggered off to bed and the drink is just about finished and there’s just a few folk hanging about the kitchen checking the bottles :)” Brilliant 🙂
Fi, I love the party analogy too! Pass that last bottle of red, will you please? 😀
T, the blokes behind “Lydia”, I imagine sitting in their vests and pants in a darkened room.
If this site folds, should we arrange now where else on the net we can continue to meet?
😀
Oh, Fiona, I do hope so.
There are lots of others, both men and women, including the blokes behind Lydia, I would have liked to have eyeballed too.
I could meet you at Berwick station. You couldn’t miss me. I’m the little fella with the long white beard, cloak, incontinence pads and scythe.
Gah I’d drive. I’m only an hour away 🙂
@Ethel, I rather like that idea. A while back someone suggested kicking off a forum somewhere else called friends of plankton or similar. My vote would be to lose the Plankton ref altogether (sorry, P, but it still makes me bristle!) and find some other mid-life handle. Maybe there’s a way of having a group/community forum, where members of a committee, or some kind of coalition of the willing, each takes it turn once a week to kick off the week’s comments with a post. I’m as useless as P when it comes to things technical so I’ve no idea where or how to do that. Thoughts anyone?
I think that’s a good idea. Didn’t someone set up a group or something a while ago? Will see if I can find the link
That was the one I meant – the “friends of plankton” or some such. I think it was also more of a free for all – I might be wrong. I think it works having a post and then a free flow of comments, followed by another thematic post etc. Like P has been doing.
http://tribes.tribe.net/theplankta
Have no idea what it is or how it works or anything though.
Hey – I’ve handed my notice in and am heading off for 6 weeks travelling in Australia at the end of the year. Post breast cancer I’ve gone mad 🙂
Good for you, Fi! You won’t regret it 🙂
I’m not sure how that website should work? Do we have to join and be approved?
I thought the suggestion was redundancy….they gave you notice?
No they asked for nominations for redundancy, I applied, they came back with a quote, and I accepted
Well done. I’ve no idea how you manage to dredge these things up from the depths of the plankton archives!
“I’ve handed my notice in”. Well done for that too! The freedom years…
I don’t mind re-reading some of the commentators posts as I think they can be quite amusing 🙂
ps are there any other blogging experts out there who can spell out our options?
Glad you like my suggestion Zoe! An expert is exactly what we need… there must have been someone among all the former commenters. Such a shame that they’ve all disappeared.
I feel uncomfortable saying these things.
I always see the worst in people, put two and two together and make five, then live to regret the truth when it emerges because I have been unfair.
I was cynical about this blog. Latterly I thought it was simply a means to an end, the promotion of a newspaper column. When the column went so did the interest in the blog. And all this business about wall to wall parties a couple of Christmases ago followed by drink, drugs loneliness and depression last. It did not ring true.
Then there was the Diana effect. The interaction between complete strangers and a blogger they had never met, never will has been a mystery to me but the reality is that as she disappeared so have many of the commentators.
For me the bones look like this: I have enjoyed the mischievous exchanges – at times because I have been lonely. But the perpetual theme: I could do with a bloke but they are all unfaithful slobs looking for a younger squeeze has dragged.
Pretty much all that is left for me is to read comments left by what appear to be some seemingly nice people. To wonder what they look like. To wonder what they do in life. To pull the odd leg. Are they as nice in the flesh as they appear on paper? Could we have a laugh?
But the trouble is that it is just not on to pop over from the States, Australia or Portugal or even from the other end of the UK. In reality meeting up is out.
So, although the blog is stuttering I am in a way happy to carry on as is, to share a smile about a bit of mischief.
Then again, I am at least going to get to meet Fiona. That’s a result.
well the bit I liked to be honest was the comments. Because at times they were almost a dialogue, or a conversation. And sometimes very amusing.
But you could maybe be a bit more open because it was all anonymous. And rather like chatting to folk you know, you like some of them better than others.
I used to think people who communicated on line were somehow not having a proper relationship, and that they ‘could be anybody’ but in actual fact I don’t think that’s true. In fact on the bitter babe I recognised Rosie simply by the tone and language she used when communicating with other people so we do have a distinct identity that sooner or later, no matter how much someone may be tempted to hide it, leaks through in our communication style. I find that quite interesting really.
T, a fantastic post from you again!
I would certainly miss “T-Fi” if you both disappeared. See what I did there? lol 😀
There are other lurkers here still too…totally agree with Fi…I miss the commentators as much as Miss P…Lydia was the only one I had my doubts about…could anyone really be that far up their own arse?? Loved Miss Bates, you Fi, T Lover and a few others even Scott,,, Maria you sound fabulous…was nearly looking at flights to Portugal :p
Thank you very much, Candy. We would love to have you here.
Yep Maria is really funny. I like to imagine a demure and polite and quietly spoken woman who unleashes the full force of her personality on her laptop when she gets in at night having spent all day dodging her boss. 🙂
Fi, I wouldn’t say I’m that demure or polite. And my friends and family know the full force of my personality. I just don’t confide in anyone, I take the time to know the person and feel he/she is a good individual.
Having talked to some friends at work, it seems my boss is nasty to everyone, even those close to her. You never know how she’s going to react, she may be almost nice or she is really awful. Maybe she’s bipolar. Anyway, I need the job and I’m stuck with her.
Maria, helps to know it’s not just you?
Ethel, I know there are lots of awful bosses out there and I’m lucky that I have a job, but I’m just so fed up. Sometimes I feel like telling her to go fuck herself and leave me alone.
Anyway, I’m enjoying my holidays now and I won’t go back to work until September. Yay!
Maria, I feel for you, having been on the receiving end of it myself in my last job. My boss was a bitch and bully.
Enjoy your summer! 🙂
I’m a lurker. Have been following this blog for ages. Miss Ms P but still look for any new comments. Love the banter between T Lover, Fi and others. Have to say Mr T you have made me laugh out loud sometimes and love a male point of view on relationships, especially one so down to earth as yours. Don’t stop. Nor you Fi. We all feel lonely at times, me included and it’s nice to contribute a point of view especially when you have had a day of being shouted at!
Well Candy and Mezzanine – thank you very much for the compliments to us all. And Zoe. I also miss EmGee and I know there are others but they’ve been away so long now that they’ve obviously moved on to new relationships elsewhere.
However now you’ve popped your heads round the door don’t you think you should just come on in and join the party? 🙂
I miss EmGee too. And MissBates. And who was the lady who left to nurse her friend who was ill a long time ago?
Anyway, welcome and hello to all the lurkers! 🙂
Jo
Ah, yes, thanks, Fi. You and her used to get on well on here too.
I’m going to click on the tribe thing and see what happens. I will report back 🙂
Nope – nothing happened except an error message!
However i’ve been re-reading some of the comments on the previous posts and laughing. We were quite funny 🙂
Fi, I’ve tried the tribe thing as well and like you, nothing happened. Or maybe the whole thing is just too damn technical for me.
Ah we’re useless.
So we’ll be reconvening the party over at the bitterbabe blog if this site disappears? 🙂
Fi and Maria, re The Tribe and “Plankta” – for the followers of plankton etc. do you mean the link doesn’t go through for you? It seems to go through fine for me. And there’s a button to join if want to post etc Or do you mean you can’t get further than that?
Ah, I see, it seems to only let you get so far, although I seem to have managed to join the tribe network. I’ve sent “plankta” a message to see if he/she might come back over here and help us start up another one. No idea whether it will reach the target….
@zoe. thanks
Corr it’s hot. Around north Manchester – I work in that dump north Manchester – there are some wonderful sights. It’s a wonder I didn’t crash on the way here.
I looked the other day to see how much a head camera might cost. I did think dashboard camera after I got stopped last time by the izzy whizzys but a head camera would be more versatile even if the band would spoil my hair – ha ha.
Anyway my mate pointed out that footage taken because I have repeatedly turned my head to look at a women might be a tad embarrassing especially if Mrs T Lover got her hands on it.
But you know I don’t look for sexual gratification. Innocent m’Lud. I look because I am fascinated by the horrors freely walking our streets. Flesh. Fat. Horrid big bosies in inappropriately revealing clothes, bling and tattoos. Pendulous breasts on the loose. Tacky revealing outfits. All worn by women who think they look bloody wonderful. That’s what bugs me: the way these people think so much of themselves.
In short more mutton dressed as pig than is good for any nation. We are an ignorant tasteless bunch in the UK. No pride.
this blog allows you to say the things you couldn’t say in real life. Oh hang on a minute………………you DO!!!
And the men all look wonderful. No big beer bellies, bald heads, nose and ear hair, rotten teeth, hairy backs and bottoms, pestilent breath… and I could go on. And guess what, they all want a young beautiful thin girl.
But honestly…I just don’t come across men who want young women. Either I am oblivious or mad or deluded or maybe I keep different company or maybe it’s just a small minority of men that do and the belief that they do is mainstream but honestly the men I know are quite happy with older women. I bet T would be perfectly happy with an older woman who was nice to him too. I would imagine that on his list of must haves and nice to haves, ‘young’ doesn’t make an appearance.
[Don’t let me down here T]
or maybe the only men I know are smart clever men who are far more interested in having women they like and get on with and that is what they prioritise?
You are both right.
At my age – 90 – sex is not as important as it was, a couple of times a week is more than enough.
Nowadays, I am more interested in money than their looks.
However, I confess I am looking for a younger model. Must be fit. To help me in and out of the bath and to push my wheelchair.
you need a trained mental health professional I think 🙂
What ho? Fiona and Maria competing to talk themselves down.
Why are women so vain? Why when internet dating do women never put up a photograph of their real selves? Why do they put up pictures taken when they were at school?
What does it matter if you are not photogenic? Who are you worrying to impress with your looks? I mean in the context of this blog.
When I was using Encounters I would read these no picture profiles and be seduced. Tall, slim blond. Above average looks. Only to find, when I did get a picture, that the norm was a face that would stop a clock and so gross they had to travel by tank transporter.
Actually I’ve updated my Facebook page with an excellent photo of me. Taken on Saturday night the woman who took it had been drinking doubles all evening so it has just the right amount of camera shake to make me look good but not enough to make me blurry
“a face that would stop a clock and so gross they had to travel by tank transporter.” Why T, I didn’t know you had come across my profile picture.
T, you’re a bit too bitter lately.
Give it a rest, Maria. Stop talking yourself down.
I am small, old and ugly. When I sit on Fiona’s knee she will be the ventriloquist to my dummy.
“I am small, old and ugly.” – I don’t believe that. Not with all those ex-wives, girlfriends, etc.
Maria, what has the fact I am Fredrick Eels’ natural successor, a shot from a canon circus midget, got to do with the fact you are talking yourself down.
Imagine you were me. Difficult, I know, but try. I’ve seen a bit of life. What would you chose? Looks good but brain dead. Or bright, a nice person, loyal, friends like her and she makes you smile?
I agree. Maria is always talking herself down. STOP IT LADY!!
Just a thought, why not create a closed group on Facebook? I know it’s the devils spawn an all that but it would allow those that want to to chat or vent as you want to.
All you’d have to do is post a redirect on here and anyone still interested in the Plankton community could find it.
I await you’re abuse/ comments
Thanks Steve that’s very kind of you to go to this effort. Facebook though means seeing what people look like and that might be a bit too over familiar. What does anyone else think?
I don’t mind. I don’t have an account on facebook but I can get one. I won’t be posting any photos, though. I’m too hideous.
Gah STOP THAT. You aren’t. Or rather you are probably as hideous as me. i look horrific in photos but in the flesh…..well that’s where i’m ok. 🙂
Nice idea, but I have mixed feelings about a closed Facebook page – part of the appeal of this blog is that we are all anonymous and there’s no signing-up in order to be able to post. I think it would put people off.
How about another WordPress blog?
I quite like imagining people rather than seeing them to be honest.
Well, imagine this Miss Fi: imagine Mrs T Lover.
One eye on a stalk on the top of her head…
Greetings everyone from a past poster who still occasionally dips in. Lovely to still read you all. I was rather peeved when P disappeared off into the ether ….an “I’m off but please carry on without me if you’d like” would have been nice. T-Lover got me thinking …was it all just a promotion for the Times column in the end?
Regarding a facebook group. They way round it is for people to create a new account each and choose any photo for your profile that isn’t of you. A flower, a logo – whatever – doesn’t have to be a personal photo.
Then one person creates the group and makes it a closed group -admission only. Just a thought.
Anyway. It’s great to read those of you who are still about. T Lover making me laugh out loud as ever 🙂 And Fi – I’m glad to read you are doing well. That’s a great move to go travelling. Australia is fabulous – I am sure you will love it 🙂 Maybe a blog as you go?
M
Thanks Margaux. I remember you although you haven’t commented here for ages and ages. Good to see you back
Welcome back, Margaux. How are you? You won’t remember me – I keep forgetting what I called myself before 😮
If I put my cynic hat on… yes, this was just to promote the Times column and a potential book. Maybe it took off in a way that P was not expecting.
I was already wondering about what you’ve suggested: a separate Facebook profile used only for Plankton. With nothing on it to identify myself. I would think most on here don’t want to reveal their real names?
I think P set up the blog to allow herself to express her thoughts and on the back of that the Times became interested. However it lost interest because let’s face it, how many times can you write about not getting a date before people get a bit bored. A blog is different because it generates comments but a newspaper column that says the same thing every week is pretty hard going. I think P only kept the blog going really out of loyalty to her readers as she must have found it tiresome herself. There have been other blogs about dating experiences, but at least on those people were writing about their experiences, but P hardly ever did date so really she could only talk about not going on dates.
But she did a good job while she was doing it and kept it going for a long time. I would be interested I guess in hearing where she is now and whether she is still unhappy, happy, single or with someone just as a closure to the story of her life.
I would be ok just using mine to be honest. If it were a closed group that other folk couldn’t get into I don’t have a problem with folk like Maria and T and Ethel and Margaux and Zoe etc seeing who I was.
Hello Fi and Ethel
I’ve just scampered back up the thread and caught up. Periodically this year I would look in and fear the Blog had died. I always enjoyed the commentators as much as reading P so I’m glad people are still dropping by to post.
I was always one of the Pollyannas – still a Plankton in her 50s but happy to be one. If someone comes along – fine – if not – equally fine. There is a liberation in being able to please one’s self. (And yes, I have had more than one long term relationship in the past ). So, in particular, Fi’s posts always chimed with me. I think you would make an excellent psychoanalyst, Fi.
I do believe it all starts with us – or is that all too simplistic?
You know how it is much discussed that women of a certain age become invisible?
I conducted a small experiment as I was feeling a bit invisible myself – although I quite enjoyed the freedom of that.
Took myself off on holiday. Trotted around in colourless, baggy clothes and no make up and enjoyed being able to go anywhere with barely a second glance from anyone.
Then I wondered whether this was it…..
So one day I stuck the colourful summer frock on and the slap and flounced down the road with attitude and a smile.
One guy ( younger) called out ‘nice dress’ as he passed by and another guy (around my age) dashed ahead of me to open a door.
Now – I figure I am average looking, never been a ‘stunna’ …and I certainly look my age : – thickening waistline, my fair quota of wrinkles.
I wasn’t on the pull btw – just wondered whether it was possible to still be noticed. I figure if we start with ourselves – it is.
(Or is that all sounding a bit too Lydia ? 🙂 !)
No you are so right!!!!
I’m totally in agreement with you. Smile, wear a bit of makeup, show a bit of interest in other people, stay slimmish, cover those grey roots and we have still got it.
The one thing I keep having an issue with is this endless refrain that nobody wants an older woman. I have never found that to be the case, ever. Nobody has ever asked my age.
I would have LOVED to have been a psychoanalyst though 🙂
Totally in agreement here too. Make an effort for/with other people and they will make an effort back.
Occasionally, on dating sites, I have seen men that are 55-ish (for example) and say they are looking for a woman aged 18-35 (or some other similar combination of ages). There are just as many women, in their 50s, wanting a man aged 40-55, so it works both ways. I’m not man-bashing!
Fi, I considered training to become a psychotherapist when I retired early, but also didn’t think it would be worth it for the time left once I’d qualified. Maybe in another lifetime…
So what do you do for a job now then when the world is your oyster etc etc ?
Fi, I retired and am perfectly happy. There’s whole other world out there! 🙂
Thanks Fi. You still can! A degree with the Open University? One friend of mine took redundancy in her early fifties and decided to do a law degree with the OU.
She now has a new career that is law related and loves it.
It sounds like the perfect time for you to explore whatever you want to do – after you’ve explored Australia 🙂
I don’t know. I think I might be able to do it but question whether it would be worth anyone’s time employing me and the age I would be then
Come on you lot. This blog is not going to end. Obvious that there is a reservoir of people who want to carry on.
Don’t be shy. Use it or lose it.
I would like to share something rather personal.
I have been twisting and turning this morning watching myself in the mirror.
My worry is that the love handles are not only bigger – a simple explanation as to why suits are becoming ever snugger – but they have the ominous look of permanence.
Bah.
I share your concern 🙂
Me, it’s my fucking belly. I’m not overweight but I have a bit of a belly and it isn’t getting smaller, either. I figure that to not have a belly I would have to starve myself, but I love food: roast chicken, steak with chips, roast lamb… not to mention desserts, ice cream… and life is too short to not eat what I like.
And don’t even get me started on my tits.
😆
Bosoms. The most wonderful things.
My weight goes up and down depending on my love life.
When I am on my own it goes down.
On my own, I drink less, eat less fancy cooking, and walk every day. That said nine times out of ten I have always turned down puddings.
I tried fasting but was miserable although I know it is really good for your health.
If I stay off the hooch in the week I can’t tell you how good a bottle of wine tastes on Friday night.
This is funny: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHQWlFtSptU
@zoe. Excellent. I don’t think it’s us that’s CRAZEEEEEE though
Well thank you, Zoe. We like that ! I thought i’d spotted a unicorn once, but clearly a figment of my imagination.
Pleased to see the voices of reason are still her ie all men over 50 do not look 20 years down the tree; it helps the prospects of both sides of the dating game if they make an effort and perk themselves up a bit before stepping out (I’d draw the line at putting on some ‘slap’, mind); it helps to have an open mind and a broad range of interests rather than being too insular.
I was trying to explain my own circumstances to my octogenarian mother the other day ie still single after a dozen years of being a singleton. There are many factors including a full on role in child raising or diminishing opportunities for social activity as a result of being increasingly screen based. Like any tool, the internet has to be used properly but has its limitations.
However, what I did highlight to her is the demographic tier that I find myself in. A roughly equal number of singleton women but of a generation where many have financial independence (often hard won- and, sadly I might add,an increasing number of 50+widows), frequently having just secured an empty nest and a clear choice as to whether or not they wish to cast their lot in with a new partner with all of the compromise that goes with that.
Casting an eye at my increasingly frail father, my mother is of the view that that the ‘superboomer’ generation dosn’t fully realise how lucky it is.”What I could have achieved!” is a frequent refrain from her
You love a bit of slap. But being a bloke you don’t recognise it on a woman’s face unless she’s ladled it on with a trowel. The number of times I’ve heard blokes describing a woman as ‘natural’ and ‘not wearing make up’ and it’s obvious she is to any woman watching. I don’t give them away though as I also go for the discreet look and prefer to let people think my eyelashes are thick and dark themselves, my skin clear with a faint flush on my cheeks, and slightly darker lips and brows. Cos I’m just borne beautiful. 😀
Greetings Fi (and everyone else….)
Am just drawing breath today after a prolonged bout of grandchildcare, and I amused myself by re-reading the whole of this post. So sad that P has never “returned” – it would be very comforting to know how things stand with her, and if she is reading this, I wish her well and hope that she has found contentment if not unadulterated happiness.
I am glad to read that you, Fi, seem to be well and to have bounced back from your very unpleasant experience that year. Make the most of your retirement as you will doubtless discover in the fullness of time, as I have, that one’s children have a propensity for procreation themselves and then your time will no longer be your own!
Zoe – I loved the Youtube link you provided. It was definitely on a par with the one PY posted which I have sent to numerous friends, to unanimous hilarity. And, I would say that male unicorns are definitely an endangered species in my neck of the woods….in fact, so disconsolate am I at the total lack of normal single men of appropriate age in my locality that I have put my name down for the handily adjacent convent across the road from here! In reply to py’s comments about the demographic in which he finds himself, I would riposte that I might be able to take my pick of any number of delightful gentlemen hereabouts were I prepared to settle for being carer to an elderly (however delightful) chap who is looking simply for someone to cosset him in his declining years. However…..there is life in this old clucker still, and I would rather remain single and sportive (!) than settle for anything less than a rip-snorting relationship!
Best wishes to everyone.
[Incidentally, I read PY’s quip about slap as referring to not being prepared to don it himself, but maybe I misunderstood…… ]
😀
Maybe you’re right re PY. Good to hear you’re doing well.
Aren’t we all Fi, aren’t we all . I’m still not fully in touch with my emoticons so can’t give you all one of those proper smiley things 🙂
And Jill , I really can’t picture you with a habit , unless it were a naughty one. Enforced chastity is one thing but no G&T nor a crisp Picpoul when you want one is quite another.
Just seen Martin Freeman in Richard lll – very good (if you’re not put off by a touch of infanticide, regicide , fratricide and homicide all in an evening ) . No wonder he was given the hump.
Oh , hang on I think I’ve cracked it ! 😉
Ah PY. But can you do this 😀 or this 🙄 or this 😆
No Fi ,but what about this ?
:* :^* ( ‘}{‘ )
Well, since everyone is SO hard at work this afternoon……I submit Exhibit A (but you will have to go to this website http://www.diabolicalgifts.com to see it as I can’t work out how to insert a photograph here). Go to the “Grow Your Own” section and then on Page 3 you will see a kit to “Grow a New Husband” (allegedly with none of the defects of the old one) which – when immersed in water – grows to 600% its size! I quote “When removed from water it will slowly shrink back to its original size. Your grow your own item can be grown again and again!! For Entertainment Purposes Only. Not for consumption.”
For those not keen to acquire a new husband, however well-behaved and shrinkable, there are plenty of other options…..Well, it made me laugh anyway….
Well , that was pretty hopeless . If you don’t at first succeed etc etc…
( ‘} {‘ )
Drat !
Don’t leave us in suspenders, PY – what are you trying (and failing abjectly) to achieve…?! 😆
@Zoe – Husband Zone chart!!
@Fi. Heh. Low porn. Low delusion. Not much to ask is it?
Zoe, that made me LOL 😀
😀
As she says that is a minuscule sub section of available blokes
Yes, I feel she missed a trick there. In the chart it’s like an entire quadrant, 25%. But if, as she says, the chart represents 35% of available men, we’re talking more like 8.5% in the workable zone. I think we might have to rework the chart a bit to bring that point home … But I have the sense that the bloke has been working on his chart for a bit longer.
🙂
i think the reason her chart hasn’t been so well thought out is because she’s hampered by the fact that she isn’t autistic.
Fi… so those of us who can see the chart is not well thought out are autistic? 😮 🙂
No it’s why her chart isn’t as anal/obsessive as his chart 🙂
Oh I see! Sorry… 😀
Also she should definitely rethink the long clear white pointer against the white chart … we wouldn’t want her message
to get lost ‘n’ all that …
I was out Wednesday. In late. As you do I poured a Scotch, put on the box and started patrolling the channels when I came across a fascinating programme “Dogging Tales”.
Why fascinating? Am I a pervert? Yes, I admit it. But it wasn’t that. First, amazed to see the graphic detail they are prepared to show on the box even in the early hours. This was not a documentary about Sooty and Sweep.
Second, intrigued about the sort of thing these people got up to. I thought you went to the woods. The woman gets screwed whilst another half dozen half bakes watch, play with themselves and wait for their turn.
The thing was, men were taking their girlfriends for the sole purpose of watching the girlfriend taking it from (lots of) strangers. How are these men wired up?
And it wasn’t the just men, the women were as keen as mustard too. And there was no bidet to have a freshen up in between.
The thing that connected that late night programme with this blog was this: no matter how peculiar, no matter how personality odd, no matter how gross these people were there was always a man or woman for them. They were never alone at home.
Have I lowered the weekend tone? Sorry.
T, have you been talking to Scott lately? I thought he was the only pervert commenting on this blog.
Hahahahahaha
Somewhat of a light bulb moment. Is this where I’m going wrong?
Personally if that were my bag (and it isn’t) I’d prefer to charge for it, quite a lot, surely this is simply a form of whoring your girlfriend out?
Do these people have no value of themselves?
…… or maybe they’re just perverted in the extreme, no offense TL but even your own levels of perversion have a way to go before they sink this low.
There was one woman, she dolled herself up, she set off, she said (as she was leaving) she loved her husband and dogging made her horny for him.
There was a bloke who said he was disappointed for his wife, it was all over, she had missed the golden age of dogging. What? The golden age?
The point I was making is that it take all sorts an I am sure there is someone out there for every one of us.
What channel was that on T as I think it deserves a viewing from me too
Oh, and what do you mean by: “but even your own levels of perversion”? What have I done to deserve that swipe on a Friday afternoon?
Lol. It’s a sunny Friday afternoon and instead of sitting outside a nice pub with a pint I’m stuck inside bashing the keyboard?
Or, more accurately you confessed in the first paragraph of your entry!
well said Peggy 🙂
I remember watching this when it was on before. Fi, it’s either Channel 4 or ITV, seems more a C4 type programme to me. One scene showed some men queuing up to have sex with a woman in the back of their estate car while her husband watched. If that’s what I would have to do to have someone in my life, I much prefer to be “alone at home”. But T knows that and is being provocative. Nice try, but it didn’t work. There’s a difference between alone and lonely… :p
Me? Provocative? You know me better than that.
Tell you what, there are one or two erstwhile commentators who have used this blog who would have been well suited to a good sorting in the woods and what’s more I would have given a gold clock to watch.
Mentioning no names of course.
I think I know you too well, and I agree with Fi, you are an old pervert!!!
Just goes to prove the chart of available men was correct. Low porn, low delusion, I’d be surprised if it’s as high as 8.5%!
i hope you don’t mean any of us you old pervert !!!
Perve? OK I admit it. But old? Steady girl.
I received my divorce petition yesterday. Well, the truth is it must have been issued (by the wife) in May. It was in a socking great big brown envelope and I had just not opened it.
The really strange thing was that a mutual friend is doing the legal work for her. This friend is really her friend but she (the lawyer) has had many a meal at our house in the past and she has stayed here with her husband and family.
Bit of a stab in the back to turn up now wearing a mask trying to rob me.
Friends do pick sides.
Everything in my life is complicated and I am a windbag.
The wife still keeps horses here so she calls every day. We never speak. Haven’t done for six years. Oh – that’s not right – I told her what I thought when she started staying out all night.
She’s living with this bloke. But when she saw I had a woman friend at the house one day in May she went mental. Talk about a hypocrite. But that’s women for you. Quite common in situations like mine. She doesn’t want me but no-one else is having me either. All of a sudden after five and a half years apart my home is her house and a woman has been in it.
But back in May there is another twist. Her boyfriend (who doesn’t have a pot to pee in) gets in on the act. At 8.00 one night I heard a noise to find he has left an envelope at the back door. A letter written by the boyfriend explaining that if I have a woman friend round at the house would I mind keeping her out of sight when the wife is round to do her horses as the sight of a woman in the wife’s house is distressing the wife.
What an idiot. I have dined out on that one. Mind you he is terrified that they will miss the main chance when I move. When he scored the wife he must have thought he had his todger in the Klondike.
A tangent. I live off the track and the postman asked if they could put a locked postbox at the end of the lane to save them a bumpy mile round trip in the postvan.
Then they broke the key in the box so I make sure as much post as possible goes to work and I collect the bits from the sorting office. Not often because I have to go between 9 and 5 and it’s in the wrong direction for work.
I went a month ago and collected a bundle which I got round to opening over the last couple of weeks. There was the divorce petition issued in May. Five years separation was the “ground”. For once a diplomatic decision because a response from me about her behaviour would have made spicy reading.
Anyway, Fi, the point is that whilst I completely accept that friends more often than not, do militate towards one spouse or another I draw the line at a friend acting in a professional capacity and trying to screw me for fees.
Were I a nice person might not think like that. The date of this petition coincides with the woman in the wife’s house episode and I wonder what was said between the wife and her friend the Solicitor. It could be she was just doing her a favour.
It might have been the case that once approached by her friend, your wife, for a favour, she felt obliged to do it.
And your wife would approach her friend the lawyer I suppose, just the same as if she needed a room decorated she would approach her decorator friend if she had one.
But I imagine that while your wife was content for things to carry on as they were the sudden appearance of another woman in the house would prompt action.
The appearance of another woman might make her think it’s all over but as she has been living with this bloke for at least five years the flip side of the coin is: what was she thinking before the woman turned up for the day?
Nah, she is hopelessly jealous, still wants me desperately and has the illogical, butterfly mind of a ……….. woman.
She has not done anything to follow up the petition despite its three month sojourn at the sorting office – during nothing moved forward.
I loathe the bloody woman.
er….she doesn’t want you. If she did you would know she did. You just think she does because to you that is the only logical explanation for her reaction to another woman appearing on the scene. But that is because you, as a man, are such a simplistic and two dimensional creature that you are incapable of understanding her actions and you simply ascribe them to her illogical and butterfly mind.
She doesn’t want you but at the same time she doesn’t want another woman living in her house and using her things. She was possibly thinking that everything could continue as it was so that should she change her mind she could go back if she wanted to. Tell you what would really put the wind up her would be if you pushed the divorce proceedings forward if she’s not doing it.
I don’t know if I’ve said this before but I know of several instances of women in new relationships going barmy because they have discovered their husband has a new girlfriend.
A classic. Used to work with a girl fourteen years ago. She emigrates to Australia with her husband and children. Almost immediately she starts to see someone else. Then someone else and when she eventually splits from her husband she is in a long standing, behind her husband’s back relationship.
Have I gone on about this before?
Two, three years later she discovers her husband has started knocking off a girl he works with. Less than half his age. The wife starts stalking them and eventually there is a scene. The police are called.
I had to laugh. She sent me an angry eMail to which she had attached a photograph of the husband’s teenage squeeze. At a fancy dress party dressed as a nurse.
Explain that. I mean the police incident, not dressing as a nurse.
I can’t put up – I wish I could – a scan of the note my wife left under the car windscreen wiper when she clocked this girl at “her” house but it would prove my point. Women are bonkers. I could ice the cake with the letter hand delivered by her boyfriend.
What a giggle.
Fi, I haven’t been to the Scotland house for a while. I intended to go this weekend – the plumber threatened to install the central heating – but I am still not sure whether he is or isn’t, will or won’t.
Did you ever meet Muriel? It looked at one stage you two might meet up. Or has she disappeared?
Women can go mental as you say but that’s fir a whole host of reasons, and they may not even appear logical, it doesn’t have to mean that they want the man back that’s all I’m saying.
Re Muriel – she’s vanished I think
Fi,
I am there this weekend – are you around?
Will be with the joiner till around 5 on Saturday and all day Sunday. Not sure whether to go home on Sunday night or Monday morning.
I meant I will be there all day Sunday. Except around 11 – have to meet someone.
Ah no sorry. I am visiting a 16th century public lending library in Innerpeffray 🙂
just realised you meant sunday not sat. On Sun I am playing rounders with a pile of folk in a park 🙂
What’s “rounders”?
Rounders – 2 teams of people. One ‘fields’ i.e. bowls the ball and tries to catch it and get the other team out, and the other team takes it turns to bat it and run from base to base without being ‘out’. In other wards, as we are all over 50, we risk heart attacks and knee injuries every time we play but it is good fun. 🙂
I see, I think I’ve played something similar when I was a teenager. Don’t have the legs for it now.
They say : if it has tits or wheels there’s bound to be trouble.
The garage has made a mess of the car and women a mess of my life.
😆
What’s happened now???
What hasn’t happened?
Never known three months like it.
The worst news is that my Secretary has cancer bad.
The woman is more often at home in London nowadays than up my hill in the Peaks. Yes yes yes.
And the car. The suspension collapsed because the garage didn’t replace the suspension properly after changing a CV joint. The drive shaft was pulled out of the gearbox. I have been scrounging lifts for a fortnight.
I have a spring to supply my domestic water. No rain. No water at home. I am a very dirty boy.
This is one of the little things. I lost a pup yesterday. I looked everywhere. Double checked and double checked. Vanished.
Not in the outbuildings. Not in the house. Not at the farm below or the one above. Nearly two hours later I found her. She was in the house. The house I had checked three times. Upstairs. Where she had demolished an expensive (sounds pretentious but hand made) boot and had a dump and a pee on my bedroom carpet.
Did not have the decency to make it a dry job. Sloppy.
I can assure you this is just a flavour – of my life that is.
Bloody hell, T. And I thought my life was difficult.
Am thinking of re-joining the bizarre world of internet dating.
My plasterer says: who needs a woman at home? Spend Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday on the computer finding a woman for the weekend. Agree to meet. Start again on Monday. Who, he asks, needs the hassle of a woman around all the time?
Well I do. So, I think I am going to place a new advert along these lines: Saint T Lover requires nubile, female mute with a cleaning, washing up and ironing fetish. Weekends only.
A bloke I employed as a Trainee light years ago called me this week. Married and divorced, his long term live in lover (guessing 10 to 15 years) has slung her hook. They parted first two years ago for a short while. She was having an affair.
Much younger, you know. This is what happens when men hook up with women half their age.
I’m impressed that you still keep trying.
What happened to your girlfriend?
Girlfriend, I don’t know.
I always thought she went down market when she took up with me. Widowed no children. Former stage/radio/television actress. Bright as a button. She was in a mental mess when we met. Would call at 3.00, 4.00 in the morning. I think I have helped her get over her husband’s death and now she has decided I am not for her. Truth. I told her to eff off. Had had enough.
But she could be real hard work. Friends say I get it all wrong. I should say: yes dear. All my fault. But pratty behaviour is a ballsache whatever your background.
Trouble is I am frightened. Fire fighting on all fronts at the moment. To be able to share problems with a good woman is worth a King’s ransom.
Have so much to sort out ….And life is getting shorter. Everyone seems to have cancer, health problems.
Ouch.
Look. What would I do if I had no-one to stop me falling over on Friday nights?
I am off to an Abba tribute night in full Agnetha costume tonight. What are you doing?
Is Ag what’s her name the blonde?
What am I doing? Well at this moment picking myself up of the floor – I’ve been having convulsions at the thought of you dressed as that blonde in a kilt.
Saw The Counterfeit Stones last year. Music was brilliant.
PS. Have a good time.
Off
Photo, please.
Morning T. Tea or coffee?
Coffee Darling. Just wondering why a comment about you would not appear yesterday.
Was just thinking about our relationship – what went wrong.
Well, no I haven’t asked you to come back because your birthday was the worst day I can remember – a horror day. I don’t want another day like that. And now you are already back on the net, already seeing another bloke. Our relationship can’t have meant much to you.
Is it me? Should I say nothing when you talk over me? You know how it upsets me.
You never used to be like this you seemed so loving – what’s gone wrong between us?
And what do I do now? Two marriages and now this. So much on. On my own, it’s tough.
Oh how I understand what you are saying, T Lover. Had the day from hell. Been beaten with a stick by my boss (not literally) but hey it still hurts! I’m on my own and it is tough. Always tried to be independent but sometimes would love to come home to a partner and tell him just how shit my day has been and for him to tell me not to worry all will be well in the end. Some chance eh, some chance. Same shit, different day.
Well, my solution is to move. This house is half a mile from the nearest tarmac road. Between Monday and Friday I will not see a soul at home because the nights are drawing in and the walkers will not be around. This is not to say I will talk to anyone during the day because it is only a minority that stop for a chat if I am in the garden.
So, my solution is to move. I am going to a house which is the exact opposite. To a conservation square in a small town. A town with 50 societies. A real mix of neighbours. I will still be on my own some nights. But I think I can adjust and I think there is a good chance of making new friends.
I suppose my financial situation is different to most because despite a couple of ex wives I have enough to survive which means I do not have to live close to a job which in turn means I have (to a degree) a wider choice of location.
Hey ho.
When I was young the job market was in my favour. Had crap from a boss? Easy to move to another job. But now the powerful are getting the upper hand – too much so. It is going to end in social tears.
Was this the house your girlfriend was really unhappy about you buying? Was this the house that she saw as not valuing the relationship because it was so remote from her? You were determined to buy it nonetheless. And your complaint is that you get talked over and not listened to. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion, TL.
No, wrong.
Her home is in London. We were together when I spotted this house and later went to view it and she has been helping to sort it out.
Logistically it is a problem. Her elderly parents live in Gloucestershire.
The plan was to split our time between London and Scotland.
For reasons I can explain but don’t want to, things have not been great for two or three months.
Three weeks ago (she had been back a week after two away) we had a massive row. She had been on my back all day and had a few to drink.
The present situation is: we have spoken. She is thinking about coming back. But within two weeks of the split she has met two new blokes. My wife covertly went on the pill – I had had a vasectomy. We split and got back together after 20 months but I could not put it in the past.
I could not then and will not now get over the lack of trust. The girlfriend set up a new eMail account, joined a dating site. Sorry. Wife all over again. Not doing it. Why should I eat myself up wondering what she is doing?
And, don’t laugh, told her if she thinks these blokes are better than me she is most welcome.
So she wasn’t the one who objected to the house?
Wasn’t this the one who lived in London and was much younger or was that another one?
Which was the one that you fell out with on your walk in the dark when she wouldn’t leave you alone to fart privately?
And is it your house in Scotland you are getting rid of or the one that is near your ex wife?
oh dear
Fi, I have a thing about ablutions in private, no golden showers for me – but that is not what I said.
She was always telling me what to do. A female process which, in my case my son says is very good for me. I think I said one day I would be on the loo and she would be sitting at the side of me telling me what to do. Yes, Fi, that’s her.
And no, she is not much younger. Would you believe me if I said I don’t know exactly how old she is, I think 57. I told her the other week I didn’t know how old she was and all I got was a smile.
And no again, for the moment I am going to give Coldstream a full time try. The Missus wants this house and will (75% chance) buy me out. She keeps her horses here.
As for the oh dear, part of the problem is me but I am not going to be wondering what a woman is doing when she is awol and won’t pick up her ‘phone. So now she has been out with two other blokes in two weeks since we fell out my gut feeling is bye bye whether she wants to come back or not.
But I remember you explaining that you were walking somewhere and you asked her to walk on but she wouldn’t etc etc etc although that one may have been the younger one that used to give you grief. But anyway you’re obviously successful in pulling them so onwards and upwards I’d say. Remember the plankton mantra – nobody wants a woman over forty and all older men are desirable to them so fill your boots 🙂
Sorry, Fi I am not interested. I prefer companionship – someone to look after and vice versa – before younger women.
And I don’t have time to run around after women at the moment even if I wanted to. At the new house this weekend and probably next.
Paint removal for a couple of days.
T. I saw this and thought of you http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/our-bad-tempered-behaviour-is-not-a-cry-for-help-say-old-men-2014101591743
Hilarious, Fi 😀
Cheeky bugger, my hair is not grey.
I am fed up. What shall I do?
Had another dreadful day yesterday. My Secretary has liver cancer and has not worked since June leaving me to do my own typing.
My pups are at that chewing stage. They destroy anything from the kitchen table to tea-towels. They seem to stress if I leave them and sometimes if I left for just a few minutes will pee or worse.
You are desperate to get a job done. You go back to the office to find the floor covered in paper and in a corner – a dump.
I tried a playpen but they jump out.
I was late yesterday. I tried to make a call. The ‘phone had been cut off. I couldn’t call Vodafone. All calls barred. This is the third time in four weeks the last two because Vodafone had not matched my monthly payments to my account (changed bank accounts) so I went to the retail shop steaming.
The reason? Someone had made a cockup and changed my plan. Normal bill – I use the ‘phone for work – £26 a month. This bill £415. All my landline calls had been charged at premium mobile rate. They told me I had requested the change. I was asked to stop shouting in the shop. Cut off three times in a month.
I got back to work at 4.45. Stressed out of my brains. Every minute away worried what devastation was going to meet me.
I spent some of the journey home chatting to/being lectured by a friend’s wife. She laid my personality defects bare.
Chill, she said, otherwise I was going to have a heart attack.
What to do woman wise. Why am I fed up? Is it the additional hassle I now have to face or is it the fact she is not here that I miss? She was bossy. And I’m awkward.
So, after this crap day I chilled. Opened this bottle of cheap pink fizz that has been in the fridge since the ice age. Mouthwash would have been more exciting.
At 11.30 I completed my new dating profile. Age? 99. Want children? Of course. Completed, I was given the thumbs up and “viewed” a woman who wanted to live in town and country. A Jock. She lived in London.
All of a sudden the irreverent profile disappeared. Who, at that time of night was checking profiles? I bet if I had paid the fee they would have left me alone. They thought it was spoof. It was but with serious intent.
Hey ho, I’ll have to think again. Have to get ready for Scotland. Cook – two fishing friends are going to have a slurp at the house tomorrow night – do a day’s work and drive to Scotland.
So what’s the answer? Too much to do on my own. No woman to share the driving. Or tell me what to do when I am driving. I have to do everything. Go to bed on my own cold. And no central heating yet.
All the hassle of finding another. The time wasted. Don’t want a quick knee trembler and on to the next. Want a proper woman.
As requested, here are my suggestions:
1. sort your house in Scotland out and move in.
2. sort your other house out and flog to your wife (although I’m a bit confused now you’re talking about moving to the conservation square in the small town – is that the Scotland one in Coldstream?)
3. leave the women alone for a while
4. Stop moaning and complaining and try looking for the silver lining which all situations have.
Fi,
I agree with absolutely everything you say.
Were it that simple.
I willbe there tomorrow, Friday, evening. All day Saturday and three quarters of Sunday. Two friends will probably be there tomorrow.
Come and scrape some paint.
I am on my own. I am beginning to sound like Rosie. And at the moment, very, very low. I have lost a lot of time at work recently and am stressed. Very.
I have three dogs, two of which I would not have had if I had known I was going to be on my own. Everything I do is governed by having to cart them round.
If the wife cannot raise the dosh to buy me out (from Peak District House) in the near future or at least do a deal, I am going to have to face another winter here on my own. I can’t just abandon the place. I can go days without seeing anyone and weeks without seeing the sun in the winter.
It is high maintenance. Ten acres. The garden is a nightmare not to mention my loathing of gardening. I can lose two days a week in the garden.
I am trying to clear up my business. I have run it right down and am struggling without a Secretary. There are mountains of things to do to finish – I am highly regulated. And the girlfriend was going to help me – she is a dab hand with figures and accounts and very bright. There are weeks and weeks of things to do.
I have two buildings in my pension fund. Sounds grand but the area has plummeted over the past five years. Nevertheless the builders are in one now (that was a factor in my break up) and I am trying to sort a top to bottom renovation/alteration.
I wanted to move to Coldstream. 450 mile round trip every two weeks. At the moment I sleep in a sleeping bag on a mattress and work my nuts off during the day. Get home exhausted on Sunday nights. Mondays a write off.
Add the stress of the money. Trying to fund these things. As anyone who watches these house programmes knows it always costs more and, at the moment I am a mile from the finish.
Then the girlfriend. I have gone from delighted she had gone to desperate to have her back. Apart from the fact that things were so much easier to manage with her, I can’t face moving miles away on my own to start again. Or the thought of finding anyone who would come anywhere close to the bloody woman. Until recently, I would moan but the fact is we got on very well.
Could not believe it when we met. She can speak three languages fluently. Half a dozen others to get by in. Was on the stage for years. Appeared in ‘Allo ‘Allo and other television and radio programmes. Later worked in the media, who hasn’t she met? Pilot’s license. Played the piano to an on stage standard. We could go for a drink and she would occasionally get everyone round the pub piano.
Great raconteur. Great sense of humour – just brilliant.
And best of all, charmed everyone from the dustbin man up. The neighbours love her. Friends love her. Sick of being asked when she is coming back.
Lovely place next to the Thames. Could not have been better.
The downside is/was that first, she drank too much. She could be a monster if she had had a drink. And wanted one every day. I can go days without and feel much better for it. But it was difficult if we are eating and she has a large glass and I have water. I had to tell her not to bring spirits to the house.
Second, she liked to direct operations. I don’t like being told what to do all the time. Third, she would talk over me. Did that drive me mad?
I knew nothing of her financial arrangements. Nothing apart from the fact she was comfortable and her elderly mother is wealthy. I never asked. I never looked.
Nevertheless, she wanted a hand in all the decisions about my life. There are things I am good at, things she did beautifully. She called it a partnership but it did not look like that to me.
My Pal says the end was inevitable. He thinks that we are both strong willed and there was no reconciling the areas over which we clashed. Like toning down the drink.
Then there was her emotional needs. The end came on her birthday. We had a row in the street. Everything went wrong. She needs fussing all the time and I didn’t, she thinks I don’t care. I am so stressed trying to sort my life I snap at the slightest thing and she just needled me. Up we went. Off she went.
But three weeks on there is a mega hole in this house. She has family she can stay with. A social life in London and has already gone for lunch with two new blokes. I am knackered, having to work like a bloody slave and so lonely I started to wonder if I had anything left. Wondering all the time where she has gone, has she gone with a bloke? She has already met two. She is “away”.
So Fi, I suppose that in time I will get over the woman. Maybe. But whilst our plan is good the doing is not easy. It has all happened at the wrong time.
Here is a story that made me laugh. My plasterer was telling me about his seventy year old Father. He has nicked the Thai bride from the neighbour opposite.
1. This confirms that you are not an easy going person and that is what you would need a woman to be. And this one isn’t.
2. Maybe you both like living in such a high octane way and could start again with her, but if so quit moaning about her.
3. Personally I’d rather live without the stress, so assuming you do decide to ‘move on’ as they say…….
4. Can you not just shut up your house for the winter and move north?
5. If you can’t sell it to your ex, can’t you just put it on the market? Or rent it out?
The business is in Manchester so the plan was we would move to Coldstream, she would look after the dogs etc and I would work in Manchester a couple of days a week. What do I do now?
The girlfriend has always gone mad when we have had spats in the past, phoning friends etc but this time silence and I know for a fact that she has been dating. So soon. Makes me feel great. She was a mess when we met and now she looks younger because in the round she has been happy here. Forgotton now.
Yes, I can put the (Peak District) house on the market but peple come here for the views. It is a spring time seller and in the meantime I have to keep it maintained. And I am worried that if I move out the wife will move in and stuff my negotiating position.
How long have you actually been with this woman? I get the impression not very long yet you are making long term plans with her. It is foolish to male any plans that depend on someone else unless you are completely sure that you are going to stay together. And as your friend says it was inevitable you two wouldn’t. God every posting here just about is about how much she annoyed you and you would have done the same to her. I too am amazed it lasted as long as it did. I don’t know what you should do next, but a suggestion would be to sort your problems yourself instead of expecting some woman to come in and provide ready made office skills/ dog sitting expertise for you. That way at least if it falls through you aren’t buggering everything else up too.
What about just speaking to your wife too instead of all this stuff about ‘negotiating position’ – God! It is YEARS since you split up. Act like a grown up instead of being so combative all the time with everyone you know who doesn’t do what you want. Learn to be a bit more tolerant too and just let people be themselves. If you don’t like something someone does, and you really can’t tolerate it, let them go. Find something to be grateful for every day instead of something to moan about. If i was your girlfriend (not that I would be as I couldn’t stand your combative attitude and what you describe as ‘spats’ but I would describe as ‘tension and resentment fueled arguments’) I would have gone too. And that is exactly what she has done. She has moved on. She isn’t coming back. How do I know? Because this time as you say there is silence because she has finally finally got fed up of repeating a cycle of arguments and walking out and ignoring phone calls. How old are you? 14????????Until now you have not said anything complimentary about her at all, and in all the time you knew her you only had negative things to say about her. Now she’s gone it’s a different story. Well maybe that’s a useful lesson for you to learn too.
My advice – sort your own problems out. Pay someone to look after your dogs, or find a friend who will, or take your dogs with you. Have an open cards on the table discussion with your ex-wife about the house and if you lose money on it but get it shifted sooner then so what, just do it. Leave your girlfriend, and indeed all women alone, until you sort yourself out and stop looking for them to be the solution to your problems.
Fi, thank you for putting into words everything I wanted to say to T-L. I can’t manage to reply very well at the moment, because I’ve been unwell for many weeks so life is an uphill climb every day.
T, you need to be thankful for what you have got, rather than what you haven’t got. Like Fi says, pay someone to do the things you were expecting the girlfriend to do, and hire another secretary – there must be enough unemployed secretaries out there right now who would be glad of the work.
@ Fi. Yes.
Ethel. I hope you are not too ill. Hopefully nothing as serious as T’s secretary with her liver cancer who is causing him so many problems as result-
“Had another dreadful day yesterday. My Secretary has liver cancer and has not worked since June leaving me to do my own typing.”
Fi, thanks for asking. It is not that sort of serious, as far as I’m aware. Could still be serious in a different way. I’m not being mysterious, I just don’t know at the moment.
Who has been in the knife box this morning?
Secretary. I have carried on paying her ex gracia through her absence, money which I am beginning to find in shorter supply. The fact she is very ill weighs heavier than my problems but the simple point was it adds to the load. I did not get to bed till 1.40 last night/this morning.
Getting another Secretary is just not a practical solution at the moment.
The wife. I got the petition in July. Her Solicitor has not replied to any one of the four letters I have written. The house is the only asset to be divided. I have had a valuation. She will not accept it but has made no counterproposal. What do you want me to do?
I am on good terms with wife one. Why the hell do you think I don’t want to bother with wife two?
This other woman. I can expect help from her. The house in Scotland was being altered to accommodate her elderly Mother. My draft will provides that the house will be the girlfriend’s until she dies and as to the rest of my estate she gets 1/3rd of the income. Do you think I expected her to sit on her backside whilst I struggled?
You know, it is sometimes wise not to throw stones until you know all the facts.
How many fingers am I holding up sisters?
You know, it is sometimes wise to write all the facts if you don’t want people to throw stones at you.
I think Fi is representing a lot of people on this thread and it sounds to me as though for all the complaining TL has been a bit spoilt. Yes there are the problems with ex’s and solicitors and money and long hours and and and and ………. but the people on this blog who’ve not had those exact same problems are in an extreme minority. Man up.
Yay! What T really wants to hear is “poor you, none of this is your fault, women are unreasonable, and all your expectations of them are utterly reasonable despite their provocative behaviour towards you”.
What T would do better to hear though is “you are where you are as a consequence of your behaviour and actions. If you don’t like where you are then change the way you behave and the actions you take”
….. or, you lie in the bed you make for yourself! we’ve all had screw ups and difficulties but the art of those is to take the positive learning and don’t screw up in that way again
To be honest it sounds like T has had a pretty cushy life – no bankruptcies, homelessness, poverty, major illnesses. In other words serious problems which you can’t call not having anyone to do your typing or look after your dogs are. In fact if T thinks thy are hard problems it underlines how easy his life has been
well everything is relative to your frame of reference. So for now lets accept that fact and stop laying into TL. To my mind the points have all been made and any further slaps will just be superfluous to requirements.
Just in. I was awake at 2.00. A sash slapping the frame in the wind. I was up at 3.30 stripping paint. Dead on my feet. In just before 9.00 tonight after a 225 mile drive.
Spoilt T Lover has had one foreign holiday in 26 years. A week. I do not have a passport.
What is wrong with you Fiona? Have a go at someone else.
One thing that has upset me is the allegation, your allegation Fiona, I can’t man up and speak to the wife. OK, I am going to bare my arse in public. You, Fiona, apologise.
I get home from work to a note which says she has gone to Fred’s with his birthday present and she might stop for drink.
Mondays are the preferred evening to disappear so I go to Fred’s. She is not there. At around 11.00 she comes home and is unable to explain. We have a forthright discussion culminating in the wife going to her Mother’s.
I am unhappy. I don’t know, Fiona, if you have ever been in this situation. You know your wife was away shagging. Who? What is going on?
The next day – maybe the next – she parks up in front of the house and goes to sort her horses. I go to her Land Rover, I want her mobile.
She screams across the field with the result my neck, arm and back are scratched as she tries to stop me getting her mobile. Worse, she bites my hand and will not let go. Fiona, I have photographs which I could show you. My hand looked like a piece of meat. My parting shot: I’ll have you for this.
That evening the police arrived. I had assaulted her. I spent six hours in custody. Of course it was balls. The police conceded she was unmarked. I was still wearing my torn clothing. My hand was a mess. She was unmarked.
If you think I am going to talk to that cow and I am not a man for talking you can go and get stuffed. You ought to be careful before you have a go.
Do you ever at all consider that the hassles and problems you have in your personal relationships just might be related to the way you speak to people and your attitude? Along with a refusal to consider that maybe you have any part to play in your problems? A sense of victimhood combined with an element of aggression to whoever doesn’t behave as you want them to? Now you’re doing it to me too.
Fi, I will ask in a different way. One thing at a time. I have to act like a grown up and speak to the wife. That’s what you say. I am not grown up.
What you didn’t know was that there was a good reason to avoid having any contact witth the wife.
So am I being childish now you know the reason?
And there is nothing to talk about. The top and bottom lines of the valuation were £100k apart. I offered her the lower of the two. She has a Solicitor who has not answered correspondence since June.
What would you like me to say?
And has it ever crossed your mind that the problems I have had with my daughter flow, at least in part, from the fact my wife is duplicitous and manipulative?
If someone lied and had you arrested you would be grown-up would you?
I wish I could show you the photographs, Fi, but looking at the tone of your recent comments I have no doubt it will still have been my fault.
And this is another embarrassment – the answer to your question about my attitude and aggression.
My Godmother once said to me I came from a long line of difficult people. My Father’s Mother did not speak to her Sister in Law from the end of the war until her death 10 years ago. Nor to one of her own sisters.
Recently, I have become more irascible to the extent that a couple of friends have been concerned. The result is that by one of those strange coincidences I had the humiliation of speaking to my GP before I read your comment this morning and have been referred for calming down counselling.
This is not to say that one cannot be cross about someone who has no idea what has been going on making dumb personal comments about being spoiled, acting like a child and the like.
I believe you when you say your wife bit you etc etc. However i would be extremely surprised if there wasn’t a history of verbal aggression and tension and anger towards each other for a long while before climaxing as it did. And that is the bit that you are overlooking but I am not I’m afraid as these things don’t appear out of a vacuum. And from reading you for the last few years, including your examples of how you deliberately do things to wind your girlfriend(s) up for entertainment and say offensive things to people that annoy you (and they always seem to be women as you frequently begin with ‘the trouble with you women…..” or something similar) I can see how you end up in these situations. When faced with the choice of calming a situation down, showing someone you are listening to them and showing them respect and respecting their feelings, you consistently belittle and insult them, ignore them and dismiss their feelings. I’m sure you are the only person here who doesn’t understand why you are exactly where you are. So while it is extremely entertaining when you recount your stories about how annoyed you are and how offensive you are to people, I find them really funny, they are funny in the way Victor Meldrew is funny. But nobody would really want to put up with that in real life unless they were mad.
And all I suggested was that rather than refuse to leave a house in case you lost your negotiating position, you should try to reach an amicable arrangement with your ex-wife. If that isn’t possible, fair enough.
Fi,
But, why am I childish? Spoiled?
I try to be honest – I bare my bum unlike you. What went on in your marriage?
I am Victor Meldew. So? It does not make me a wife beater, spoiled, childish or anything else you want to you want to throw at me.
If you think every human being ought to be bland, the same, vanilla whatever you are going to be disappointed.
Here goes. You are childish because:
1. You see the world from an ego centric viewpoint. While theoretically you know you are but one person in it, you really are just focussed on yourself and you can’t or are unwilling to understand anyone else’s perspective which is a necessity in ANY interpersonal relationship. They don’t think like you, or agree with you, therefore they are wrong.
2. Having decided they are wrong, you then use that as a justification for bad behaviour yourself by telling yourself that you wouldn’t have done x if they hadn’t previously done y. In other words you do not acknowledge that regardless of how other people behave you still have a choice as to how you decide to respond to them, and in fact it is an element in demonstrating maturity that one is able to pause between provocation and response to decide on the most appropriate response rather then just giving a knee jerk reaction. People who are in control of their emotions have more successful relationships because at times it is necessary to not respond to provocation and indeed unwise to do so. (see example you gave of taking your wife’s phone). Someone who can’t control their emotions also comes across as a bit unhinged and lacking self control and unpredicatable. You won’t get people on side.
3, You have obviously been pandered to for a great deal of your life otherwise you would have had this behaviour knocked out of you a long time ago. People would have just walked out and although some have either you are completely obtuse or some people have tolerated it longer than they should.
4. The fact that you think treating other people with respect is ‘being vanilla’ or being ‘bland’ – well there you go. You will either get women who are used to being treated badly, or women who think they can get you to treat them better before they realise they can’t and move on.
5. Spoiled because for god’s sake, what problems have you had? As mentioned before if you had been homeless say, or living in poverty. or having your home re-possessed, or a major illness, or sacked from a job and not known how you were going to support your family (although it wouldn’t surprise me if you HAD been sacked from a job at one point for your attitude to be frank) then you wouldn’t be complaining as you do about the most minor incidents as though they are major ones.
Fi, thank you for your analysis.
I am in awe of your analytical prowess. How, on the thinnest of facts and without meeting someone, you deride a personality so.
I will take your advice and talk to the wife. I am looking forward to growing up if not to the thought of another false allegation leading to who knows what.
And whilst it is true I have not had a life threatening illness – thankfully, a cold is serious episode in my life – I have never been sacked. Sorry to shock but there we are.
And thank you, thank you, for the chance to offer myself as a target for your rotten fruit by baring the minutiae my life, my misogynism to your scrutiny because, truly, it is helpful when you land a rotten egg on my nose.
Can I ask you something? Some men believe women will swear black is white rather than admit they might be wrong. True?
…..everything will work out ok in the end I’m sure :o)
Maybe drop her a note or phone her first to check when it is convenient for her for you to call in so you don’t catch them off guard wondering what you are doing there. And if you are worried about escalation take someone with you. However as you are going round to have an amicable discussion about what to do with the house (as opposed to taking her mobile phone off her) it may be perfectly civilised.
It may be but it won’t because they are idiots.
Don’t get cross with me for saying that, I’ll explain in a sec.
My best line is to tell my son who then tells his Mother.
I resolved never to involve the kids but she does and the boy passes it on mixed up with the odd bit of gossip.
He loves his mother but is quite open about his view. The pair of them are barking and have no grip on reality.
I do not want any one to one conversations/meetings with her. Friends all said don’t ever be in alone with her again because she makes things up – a dangerous individual.
So when I made her a financial offer, what, a year ago I said if she wanted to talk I would agree to mediation.
My daughter is just the same. Example. I needed to deliver an official/divorce type letter and because the last time I tried the wife’s boyfriend kicked off in the street I drop letters at my Daughter’s place.
An aside. Why not post? Because she lived in a semi rural location with no house number on the door. I tried to get a proper address couldn’t.
So, I drive up to the Daughter’s which is on a bend in a narrow road, stop twenty yards away out of sight and the girlfriend walks to the door with the letter whilst I turn the car round.
It took less than a day for the allegations to fly. Apparently, I spent time hanging about outside the house making a nuisance of myself. This is what my own daughter says about her Father.
This summer the girlfriend was working in the garden. Unbeknown to her the wife arrives complete with boyfriend to go riding. As they go by the wife clocks the girlfriend and nearly falls off her horse. She he has this control thing and is used to the girlfriend hiding inside when she (the wife) arrives to do her animals.
That night, the boyfriend hand delivers a letter which says – I know you won’t believe me – would I do the civilised thing and keep the girlfriend indoors whilst my wife is around. The wife is particularly upset to see the GF doing “her” garden.
Fi, she can get lost. I want nothing to do with her. She is at the back of my daughter problems too.
And Fi, I don’t like your comments but I do know I am not the easiest person and to make a relationship stick I will have to change.
And Fi, on the remote chance you might turn up at the weekend I took a laptop to show you that some of the more bizarre episodes in my life and in fact true. And some bloody pictures
What does your lawyer say you can do then if she won’t buy the house for the price you want to sell it at?
I do not have a lawyer. Before you say get one there is no need. The picture is quite simple.
I have assets which are not “matrimonial” assets and which therefore do not fall to be divided equally. So does she.
She is not going to get a slice of my non matrimonial assets (house in Scotland, other property in Manchester etc etc) because there is no need to do so as she has assets of her own. Half an Aunt’s house, now half her Mother’s house, cash etc.
The only asset which is to be divided 50:50 is my home which because of its age (17th C) and location (10 acres in the Peak National Park) is impossible to value. My valuer said he would expect to get something between X and Y a difference of £100K.
He also said he would be disappointed not to get half way between X and Y – someone would split the difference.
£X is the cheapest valuation I could imagine dropping to.
My offer was to drop to X, let her move in and to pay me when she has sold her Mother’s house.
I also said if she had a problem with that offer (what could be more reasonable?) I would talk in the presence of a third party. I am afraid a one to one discussion is never going to come about.
Add into the mix the fact her Solicitor used to be a family friend but will not now answer letters, add in the fact the house and garden take a lot of keeping up (this summer I have replaced four windows and all the gutters) the whole thing is a pain in the bum.
There is a further factor and that is my daughter. I am trying to play everything in a non aggressive straight bat way because the Wife winds my daughter up about her unreasonable Father and – as I mentioned this morning – the daughter is happy to reciprocate.
It’s a pickle.
Sorry, the answer to your question is that I can force a sale on the open market. Both children are away now, both married in fact.
The wife cannot force me to transfer the house to her.
I ought to make an application but then again I know that will be another nail in the coffin of the relationship with my daughter.
T, if you can’t do right for doing wrong… why not just put the house on the market and get rid…?
You could, if you were inclined to, make a complaint to the Law Society about the wife’s solicitor not answering letters. But that probably will only get you further into trouble with your wife and daughter of course.
The views from here are lovely, this is a house which will sell in the spring.
So my intention is to make an application for an order for sale, so as to put the pressure on her, but do nothing about it ’till the spring.
In that way I could get rid of other problems. Eg. I am trying to do up a small office. I then have to moe into that new office. If I had sold the house – although it will take months – I would have a base to travel to and from rather than have to do it from Scotland.
It is all a bit of a conundrum.
Fi is not the only person who has said I have to have a change of attitude, so she is right to that extent. The pointed things she has said are good for me. If all the flack helps me to change , move on or hold down a new relationship well it has done me a favour.
What I meant was if I had not sold the house I would still have a base…
Fi and TL there is obviously a lot of ‘feeling’ between you two. Please will you just get it on, you’re probably quite a good match, Fi – you take no shit, TL you do (albeit eventually) seem to hear what Fi is saying. Can I buy a hat 🙂
Now bury it.
Stop stirring.
I tried to persuade anyone who is interested to meet up, particularly Fi who must live only a stone’s throw away.
She is not having it.
Which is probably a good thing because, despite all the compliments Fiona has paid me over these two or three days, has done a complete about turn and wants to come back asap.
If I could have avoided the question: how do you know Fi? so as not to have to explain my compulsion to write nonsense on this blog – find a good excuse in other words – Fi would have been welcome whether the girlfriend was there or not.
They probably, Fi and the girlfriend, would get on well because they both obviously think I am a brain dead emotional idiot
🙂 glad to hear all sorted then.
I will come and meet you at some point.
😀
Good.
Don’t you forget about me. I’ll go all the way to Scotland if you two get together.
Brill, it would be lovely to meet you.
I have been thinking about how to manage things less stressfully ie whether to leave the house in the borders for a while ie whether I will have liveable accommodation for a while.
I can’t deal with everything down here and sort Scotland.
So I’ll have to see how I can work it out. But it would be lovely to meet – there are a number of commentators who seem really nice.
She spoke to me for an hour and a half yesterday after a grumpy start.
I am probably going to take a weekend course on interpersonal relationships which makes me feel a bit of a fool but if it makes me a better and happier person I’ll bite the bullet.
Well, it hasn’t worked out.
I drove down. I was late. The first thing she said: why didn’t I call when I got to the 3044? Second: where are my flowers?
She then got hold of me and wouldn’t let go ‘till I left which was a bit of a nuisance as it was a warm night.
But whilst she was obviously upset, cried a lot, at one stage to the extent the tears were soaking her top, she consistently said her heart was telling her one thing her head another. It was so hard without me but she couldn’t take the bickering.
We walked the dogs and went for a drink. We went back to her place. She had said she would cook but all we had were packet nibbles. She had a couple of glasses of wine and the atmosphere deteriorated. That was my problem. I can go five or six days without a drink. She likes at least a couple of glasses of wine every night – these two were on top of a pint and a half of lager in the pub.
She then starts to nit pick. Little, inconsequential things but it can be constant, she wouldn’t let them drop. It was a perfect illustration why it won’t work any more. But why has it changed? We used to get on so well.
Come the morning I had to hit the road. She would not let me go. Tried to seduce me. Had to move to get home by midday. She had food, a thermos cup and so on ready for the journey.
As we talked by the car she just sat on the fence. I wanted to know where we were going. She was over me like a rash – clung on to me – but there was a barrier, she didn’t know about “us”. She was so sorry.
So I said I couldn’t live like this it was unhealthy. I was going to walk away. I left and as I reversed she mouthed “I love you” through the car window. I shook my head.
I thought that’s it. I will not call her again. I reached Lichfield. The mobile went it was her. Had I just ‘phoned? No. Someone had called, it was (like mine always is) a withheld number and she could hear traffic noise in the background. Not me I’m afraid. She was just making an excuse to call.
She talked for half an hour. More or less said she was making a mistake. She called again after I landed in Buxton. She was out for supper last night. I got drunk and fell asleep. This morning I had a message – she had tried to call late on but had I turned off my mobile? I had but lied.
We spoke again this morning. I pointed out that I had been tired for months. I had tried to stay cool when she needled me but she has driven me to snap from time to time. I don’t like her drinking habit. She has changed my lifestyle since she arrived in my life. She had done it again the night before – we had been fine until she started drinking. I cannot understand why things have gone wrong after such a good start and so on.
She suggested some arrangement about phoning again today, I did not understand what she was suggesting. A maybe I’ll phone, maybe you phone if you want to. I turned off my phone again. If not I come in from the garden to look every ten minutes so it is better just to turn the thing off.
Anyway, here I am on my own again. It’s pitch black, up a remote bloody hillside, no woman, no phone call and my head in a spin.
Oh god. The drama! The trauma! She obviously thrives on it. And you do too to an extent – all those disaster stories you recount- but gah it’s so draining and exhausting isn’t it? Is it really better to live like that than be on your own?
I think women are better at coping on their own than men. I know I was better with her than now without at least that is what I would have said three months ago.
But what I can’t get my head round is why there has been this major change in our relationship. I don’t understand.
“But what I can’t get my head round is why there has been this major change in our relationship. I don’t understand.”
It’s no big puzzle. The relationship is damaged. She is now deeply ambivalent about whether she should be having this relationship at all. A good part of her is saying she shouldn’t. Having reached that point, there will always be a voice in her head wanting to tear the relationship apart – a strong impetus to destroy it. That’s what happens.
What I mean is: that voice will be sure to make itself heard. Any opportunity – any lapse on your part, any reversion to behaviour that is seen as problematic, any hint of a past hurt – that voice will be there. Insistent. Unrelenting. (“he didn’t call, didn’t bring flowers, you see, he doesn’t care … he’s picking on you about nothing – you see, it’s hopeless…”). It will provide a background commentary that may not always be audible (there are other voices) but will always pipe up given half the chance – making unpredictable, volatile and destructive appearances. And when it makes an appearance it takes you by surprise (“I cannot understand why things have gone wrong after such a good start”), but in truth it’s always there now, waiting, wanting, needing to make itself heard. And my guess is, bar a major change or commitment, that it won’t let up until it’s had the final word.
People are what they are, and that is exactly the same wherever they go with maybe only a tiny fluctuation in their behaviour. The mistake you are making T is thinking that something happened to change her from the (normal) person she was before. In reality that was the abnormal best behaviour version, and now she knows you better she is just being herself. The way she will have been with other men before you, and will be with men after you. Because that’s how she behaves.
Here’s another way to look at it – you have repeated the same behaviours all the time with women. We all do, from who you are attracted to (in your case demanding woman who challenge you), to accepting behaviour that you’re used to but might cause other folk to run away (in your case arguments and tears and passionate make up sex and maybe throwing plates) and so I think you’ve probably conducted this relationship in a similar way to the one you had with your wife, and your girlfriend will do the same with all her men.
This is normal for you both really. Just like the fight with your wife where you snatched her phone and she bit you.
Zoe, Fi thank you.
Zoe, your explanation is very perceptive. I see exactly what you are saying.
Fi, I agree. In my defence I can see the way I react to some situations is wrong – both with her and in business. Consequently, I am going to take this course.
I think one of the things that might have upset her again is (Zoe’s point) is the fact I cancelled the course yesterday intending to take it next month at a much more convenient location. She may have taken it as a lack of commitment.
However, the real worry is: what do I do now? Will I ever find a woman who suits? Do I want to go through this trauma again? Can I cope on my own?
to be honest you can only change yourself. It is up to her whether she changes her behaviour. So the question is do you want to stay with someone who will continue to behave as she does because that’s how she behaves in response to certain provocations. You don’t make her behave like that and you aren’t responsible for it.
Look at the women you have been involved with and identify what commonalities they have – for example it strikes me your wife and girlfriend are both quite demanding and highly strung and (from my perspective anyway) emotionally unstable. Why do you pick them like that? Is it because you think it makes them more interesting? Does it?
If you decide to find someone else as you know there are plenty of real women (as opposed to internet dating women) around. Why not try managing on your own (in fact your apparent reluctance to manage on your own may be a factor in why you settle for poor behaviour), move to Coldstream then meet women in the flesh.
@Fi, “internet dating women” are real women too. They don’t “come from” the internet 🙂
Ha. 🙂
I meant women that he can get to know in the flesh and see how they interact with other people, meet their friends, see them in different circumstances to see if they are really compatible rather than invest time and emotions in gettig to know someone that he has only interacted with in one dimension ie on the computer.
Only because I think t is a bad picker, not that there is anything wrong with internet dating.
First, it is not fair to blame her in the sense that I can now see why she is so upset (being told eff off on her birthday) how I have over-reacted (telling her to eff off on her birthday) and how she feels it will never be right (telling her to eff off every time she winds me up).
She now knows what she has done to wind me up (not a lot in my present state of mind) but this is not to say she is any of the things you imagine.
Every neighbour, every friend asks when is Mrs T Lover coming back. The majority add that they like her very much – the 88 year old from the next door farm swoons.
Her marriage lasted seventeen years until her husband’s death. She stuck by him despite alcohol addiction problems. Those facts alone must tell you something.
The population of the town in which I work is 55% Asian. Asian alone. Now my secretary is fighting cancer I can go to work and not speak to a soul all day except of course those recorded messages telling me to take money from the banks. I never meet women. The odds on me landing another woman without the internet are zero.
I look at friends’ wives. I can’t think of one I would choose for myself.
You Fi, are far more sociable but if, like me, you live “quietly” up a hillside in the back of beyond my odds on a suitable woman are ….long.
I don’t think you’d mentioned telling her to “Eff off” on her birthday and every time she winds you up. In which case she has my sympathies entirely. Every time I think I might be becoming a bit more sympathetic to you, you go and provide a bit of information that frankly makes me wonder why anyone puts up with you at all.
I’m not going to comment any more on your screwed up relationships as I don’t want to waste any more of what life I have left thinking about them. You, her and your ex-wife all appear to think you live in a soap opera.
Sorry that wasn’t very nice of me and I shouldn’t have said it 🙂
Fi, I’ve been giggling – don’t worry.
I started to compose a response along the lines it started when her Mother gave me a dose of the pox….
If you bare your backside in public you have to accept it will be kicked.
I appreciate the kicking. I haven’t a clue about women. Tonight she loves me. Last she wouldn’t pick up her ‘phone.
She is a good girl – maybe not for me – but it is T Lover who deserves the kicking.
Really……I’m not getting involved anymore.
Although to be fair to her, if she spent 17 years with someone with alcohol and drug problems (I’m assuming you meant his not hers) and all that that must have entailed, then i can see why she thinks an angry, intolerant, offensive middle aged man is manageable. 🙂
Who knows what she thinks, she is a woman.
Have you seen the Geffen version of the Little Shop of Horrors? The sadistic Steve Martin Dentist (Fi) to the masochistic James Balushi patient (me)?
Well, no daily Fi pain is too much to bear. Please, please, please keep on beating me up, Fi. Stay angry.
I dream. You, wearing a horned hat at the controls of a demolition crane swinging that enormous ball through the domestic reputation of anyone who gets in the way of your preconceptions about their lives.
You never used to be like that. I’m the angry one?
Ah I see what’s happening here. As I have become more irritated by you and more vocal about it, you have become more attracted to me.
I have begun to fulfil the same role that these other (mental) women in your life have.
However I am too clever for you and am not pandering to your twisted masochistic streak anymore.
More Fi, more. A root canal without anaesthetic. Yes, yes, yes – orgasmic.
Never a truer word spoken than when in jest
I may not be as clever as you, Fiona but one thing I have learned is not to be judgemental until you have both sides of the coin and certainly not until you have met the person you are judging.
And something I have picked up recently is that you are increasingly quick to jump to a conclusion – often the wrong conclusion.
So, I have begun to wonder if you are OK. Worried whether you have made the right decision about work? Another problem? I hope not.
You shouldn’t refer to someone you have not met as “mental”. It is not nice.
Her husband did not have a drug problem.
“angry, intolerant, offensive middle aged man”. Not nice that was it?
“I think t is a bad picker”. Now you say I am attracted to you. Which is it?
“for example it strikes me your wife and girlfriend are both quite demanding and highly strung and (from my perspective anyway) emotionally unstable”. A remarkable conclusion in the circumstances.
“You see the world from an ego centric viewpoint.”
“you really are just focussed on yourself and you can’t or are unwilling to understand anyone else’s perspective”.
“You have obviously been pandered to for a great deal of your life”
“you consistently belittle and insult them, ignore them and dismiss their feelings.” Isn’t that what you are doing to me?
“How old are you? 14????????”
Fi, I have put up with this barrage of insults put up by someone I have never met in a good natured way.
Settle down. This is not the real Fi is it?
Well I would counter with – Why are you putting all this one sided stuff up about your personal relationships, constantly criticising your ex-wife and girlfriend for their behaviour and seeking sympathy? Which admittedly I haven’t given you.
But that’s ok as I am not going to comment again on any negativity you express towards them. 🙂
Fi don’t duck and dive.
There was a hint in one of your comments about your health.
I don’t mind what you say about me – some of it is true, not all but some.
However you have gone a bit further than bluntness in some of the things you have said and I was wondering if there is a problem in the background.
Apart from your problem with me, that is.
Fi?
I’m fine. I was at the cinema watching a film about a dysfunctional family 🙂
How fo you get that worm out of your head?
You love and want someone but the realationship is over?
How do you face being on your own – having to make a new life?
Suppose the answer is to man up but as you get older it’s increasingly difficult.
T – it’s not about manning up, down or sideways. It’s about working with your feelings and not against them. Baby steps are a good start. Sit down and write down on a piece of paper what you want out of life. Work out what is not working and file it or bin it. Then work out what is right and what makes you happy, not anybody else, YOU! Then plan where you want to be in a week, a month, six months and a year. Make it happen. Leave women alone until you have a roof over your head and your life is more settled then date, date and date some more. Make use of friends for a shoulder to cry on and a to have a belly laugh with. Why don’t the last remaining contributors on this blog make a date to meet up next year – get Xmas over – and put faces to names and see how we get on face to face rather than anonymously on this blog. Dare you!
Thank you.
Men are different to women in the sense that they think differently. Very.
And of course when you re-tell a domestic incident you only have to miss a detail and the advice differs.
Writing things down and adding it here is, for me, both cathartic and useful. Sometimes, I get a reaction that makes me think. Oddly too, I often feel better for writing things down, it makes me feel stronger even if Fi scores a direct hit with a tomato.
I am not sure about your list though. I make targets only to be completely sidetracked. My “Goals” are hopeless.
My fear is loneliness. I am living here alone, a friend described it yesterday as “remote” although that is not true in the sense that the Peak Park is surrounded by population centres.
I get on well with my boy (he will be here in a couple of hours to help with the front gutters and back for a meal tonight) but if I move to the Borders I am putting 225 miles between us. I have pretty much no family. I worry that my drinking will increase.
And the list might change. Example: the things I enjoyed five years ago like salmon fishing are now not so enjoyable, for some reason I have lost interest.
My guess is that spare folding will be tight, so if my list included a trip by tiny boat and with dog down the French canals things like that will not be possible because my kids will have to be subsidised.
Sorry to be so negative.
This business of a meeting. I would have enjoyed meeting up. I think there are still people in the background who read but do not comment and might be interested. It is the practicalities.
That was why I offered my house. The likes of Jill would not come up from Dorset. If she surprised me she would need somewhere to stay. Maria from Portugal? I tried Fi a couple of times but she has not risen. I would go south. I suggested north because I knew a couple of people were nearby and I could make an accommodation suggestion but there was no real interest.
I think the better bet would have been a Skype call at least to start – you can join several people in one call. But that suggestion crashed as well.
I have lived apart from the wife for six years three months. She issued a five years apart petition in May but done nothing else about it.
Now the girlfriend is off the scene the wife has started gardening again. I know it’s November but was that a cuckoo?
Honestly T, this is the exact same stuff about your love life you’ve been writing about for the last 2 years. People have given you advice, dropped off the site, and new people have joined and given you the same advice and you haven’t made any changes in all that time.
Sorry, Fi. I know I have become a bore.
You’re never boring 🙂
I’d take a wild guess that T is at a cross roads in his life and the last 2 years has been the journey to this point. I can speak from experience that it is bloody hard work to make the changes especially if you are on your own. You want the comfort of the old and dependable but know you need to move on and start afresh. It’s scary. Loneliness is a killer. I’ve known that feeling and made friends with it. I’ve worked with my depression not against it and it works. I’ve been stuck at that cross roads, scared to move but then I’ve taken that leap of faith. All of us have the right to love and be loved. You just have to know what you want and what you can put up with and what you can’t put up with and walk away when things are not working.
Having been reading the recent posts, I have been at a complete loss (unusual for me!) as to something constructive to say. But hurrah for you, Mezzanine. If I may, I would very much like to second what you have said.
Thank you Jill, much appreciated :o)
It’s nice that you two are so nice. 🙂
Meeting up ….. west of Stoke on Trent, east of Nottingham = almost slap bang in the middle of the country south of the Peak District? I’d be interested.
http://www.theguardian.com/theobserver/she-said/2014/nov/07/when-a-woman-reaches-50-does-sex-become-less-important
Wow! (Maria, no wonder you’re fed up)
Sorry, Zoe, are you talking to me?
Yes, Maria
This was kind of a big deal here, last week.
Portugal is no different from the rest of the world. 50 year old women are considered subhuman old bats, no one wants to f*ck anymore. Well, maybe 80 year old men would do the sacrifice.
I never really cared about sex anyway, so it doesn’t bother me. Besides I find 99% of the men my own age repulsive. Just the thought of it, yuck!
What to say?
The neighbours above have a big, close family. They work hard. Stick together.
The neighbours below are odd. She leaves for work early, comes back late. He is self employed and works evenings and weekends. They are close, they seem to be, but pass like ships in the night. If I want company I can always persuade her to have a glass of wine.
The next lot, I don’t know much about. They have browned off all the neighbours with their arrogant attitude. The neighbour below calls them “the shits next door”.
Further on still are a late middle aged couple with three children. Nothing fazes them. Their grown up children have mixed lives. One having financial problems, another single in a bedsit with no job. They are always out, concerts, something to do with the church, whatever. Happy as Larry. But the husband admits that he will be lost if his wife dies. Probably sit at home on his own ‘till the end of time. His wife is the organiser.
What does make people happy? Fulfilled?
If you are unhappy, Maria you seem to have these low spells, what would cheer you up? You seem so negative.
You never know, even don’t fancy nooky might be a bonus. There may be someone who likes you, wants to be with you but doesn’t want/can’t have sex. Or can you make a more fulfilling life on your own?
Come on, cheer up.
I’ll tell you what would cheer me up, T: to be able to leave my fucking job. God, I hate it, but I can’t afford to leave.
Re getting together with someone, I couldn’t give a shit, I do fine on my own. I don’t miss sex, never really liked it.
It’s the fucking job that’s driving me crazy. I can’t stand children anymore, and their fucking crazy parents!
I know exactly how you feel. And as you get older you realise how barmy many people really are.
Something changes. I used to love my work but not now. I have hated it for years but there is something in my cautious make-up that stops me doing much about change.
I am just reading a biography of Willie Donaldson. How I wish I could have had his attitude. Bankrupt three times. Debauched. What a life. But I have inherited the wrong genes.
On your deathbed, when you look back on your life, will you regret carrying on in teaching? Is your work performance suffering? Perhaps it is time to get out. Things always work out for the best.
T, are you kidding? Where am I going to find another job, now that I’m old? Around here, after 35 you’re old and I’ve been doing it for 27 years.
Will I regret it in my deathbed? I regret it already. I don’t think my performance is suffering, though. In fact, I think I do it now better than ever. It just is so fucking exhausting, but leaving is not an option, unless I win the euromillions lottery.
I think we should have a christmas masked ball. Then even P might come.
isn’t it that time of year when you and I think about cracking open the Advocaat Zoe?
Oh, yes, Fi! Maybe we can work in some maraschino cherries this year…
@ Maria: “I can’t stand children anymore, and their fucking crazy parents!” I’m sorry, Maria. This really made me chuckle!
@Tlover: “Something changes. I used to love my work but not now.” Yes, I was not expecting falling so comprehensively out of love with my work. Unlike you, TL, I couldn’t go on doing something I so didn’t want to do, so now I have to deal with the consequences….
“Things always work out for the best.” Er, not they don’t. Not necessarily. That you don’t really believe that is evidenced by your own reluctance to take the chance….
“It’s the fucking job that’s driving me crazy. I can’t stand children anymore, and their fucking crazy parents!” 🙂
“Unlike you, TL, I couldn’t go on doing something I so didn’t want to do, so now I have to deal with the consequences….” Me too Zoe and that’s why I took early retirement, and am now looking at doing something else. What did you do?
I think it is normal to get to the age (when there are more years behind you than lie ahead of you) where you evaluate where you are in life and whether your life makes you happy, and then make changes. I think this is what people rather derogatorily call a ‘mid life crisis’ as though it is a bad thing, when actually I think it is an extremely positive step – it isn’t about buying a motor bike and leaving your partner (although those things can happen if they are part of the changes you want to make in your life) but isn’t it completely normal to realise that life is too short to keep doing stuff that doesn’t make you happy and then die? That if you want to grab that last chance to something different, maybe something you always wanted to do, then now’s the time to do it?
Fi, it took me aback. It was quite unexpected this falling out of love. It’s interesting how so many seem to feel this, and yet somehow we were never taught to take it into account. But I agree with you that it’s about more yesterdays than tomorrows. I worry for those younger than us who are now taking on massive mortgages in the expectation that work and their desire to do it will always be there – doubly so if it depends on two committed incomes and a partnership that HAS to be maintained as a consequence. I have always worked freelance so it has meant that I just don’t take on the work. I would say that I have lost more than the money – again something I wasn’t really anticipating. But still I prefer it to doing a job I have lost my heart to do. And I have taken on a mon-fri lodger, which is very weird…I’m just about to meet a friend for a drink, aged 55, who quit his very well paid job yesterday. Same thing….
I think it is really very common. After all we change and mature as we get older and our priorities change so it is reasonable to find that the things that we value change too. Plus we maybe did something to earn money to pay the mortgage or raise the kids, and now we don’t have to so we ask why should we continue.And no matter how much we love our jobs at the start, isn’t it reasonable to think that after 20 or 30 years we are bored of them? Another trigger I hear a lot is people saying that things “have come full circle” i.e. that they have been in a job so long that they see initiatives that failed come back in again and they just (like Maria with being sick of crazy parents and awful children) can’t stand the pointlessness of it anymore and are fed up of being told they are ‘negative’ for not jumping on the latest bandwagon. And people getting near to retirement age and questioning whether they want to spend all day every day when they retire with someone they have maybe only spent an hour or two a day with for the last 30 years. Because often two people don’t change at the same rate and in the same way. Really, I’m surprised ANYONE stays with the same person or in the same job for decades really. But we do. It is totally unreasonable to assume that that is the norm though.
We are very lucky that we can consider personal fulfilment when making decisions though as some people don’t have that luxury.
I hope that I haven’t missed anything obvious, but do we know why the person who started ‘The Plankton’ didn’t continue with it? I’ve been very distracted by difficult family/legal problems linked to my Mum’s estate this year and have probably missed what happened.
I hope that the answer is that, despite her expectations, she met a wonderful man and no longer qualified as ‘Plankton’.
J, we don’t really know what happened to Plankton. She just stopped posting almost a year ago. Me, Fi, Zoe , T Lover and some others liked it so much that we keep posting comments, but the blog is dead, really.
Miserable here. Damp. Misty. Dark.
Meet up suggestions have crashed and I ain’t having a masked ball for one – me. A bit too camp, could I wear my Balaclava?
Seem to be living in a time warp at the moment. My Secretary has a terminal diagnosis – 55. Work that should have been done – money in to pay the bills – is in limbo because I can’t motivate myself. Libido has crashed. Becoming teetotal for days at a time. Going to bed early.
Need something to spark me up again. But what? Lost all drive. Enthusiasm.
When I feel like that I just continue doing what I can and wait for it to pass. Maybe go away for a few days and get a change of scenery.
I feel much the same. It’s due to what I call winter-itis. Seasonal Affective Disorder etc. As Fi says, try to just ride it out. With the added bonus of ill health this year, my intention is to hibernate and try to keep going with little jobs at home that are within my energy levels.
Oh no, not you as well.
Perhaps we should ask St John’s Amulance if they would enjoy a masked ball and have an air ambulance standing by.
Fi, I had a sort of change of scenery last weekend. Paint stripping in Coldstream. I locked the front door to stop neighbours dropping in for a nosey. Bah humbug.
That’s not really what I meant – that’s just doing chores in another house. Go away and do something different and pleasant
Where then?
Somewhere exotic?
Doesn’t have to be. Go somewhere that you can do whatever you like doing whether that is looking at art galleries and museums, walking, swimming etc. Visit friends. Go out for something nice to eat.
Christmas is coming … it’s suppose to be full of joy and happiness! Does anyone feel as miserable as i do?
Yes, me – turns out she’s being doing a trick for another bloke whilst in London. Brill. Head up exhaust.
But what about her mouthing she loves you in your rear view mirror?
Yes, you tell me.
She is here now.
I am in the kitchen on my own unable to turn of this television in my head. There they are. I can see them at it.
It’s all been a big mistake – apparently. Trouble is I think the mistake is on my part.
there’s the drama of the ‘shall we give it another shot or not’ stage to go through followed by the tears and sobbing and regrets on her part of ‘why did I do it’ when really the relevant question is ‘why did i tell T?’ (before remembering that of course she would tell you as it would all be a bit boring otherwise) before you both sadly agree to part (again), then start up contact again mid week before spending christmas together where she has a bit too much to drink then you both remember she’s been seeing another man and an argument begins etc etc etc cue tears and drama again.
Lol… beautifully summed up, Fi 😀
Thank you Ethel. Would love to take credit for being able to predict the future, but I think anybody on here could easily do it. 🙂
please put me out of my misery. How did it end?
My tale just shows what Henry Halls it is – this I can’t get a man nonsense. I’m in a relationship with someone in her fifties who managed it within two or three weeks of our split.
There are some facts I know, some things unanswered, I wake up in the night turning over the unanswered in my mind and worrying about the worst question of the lot: will it last? Too much damage done?
Fiona, we can’t go through our virtual relationship like this. You have missed the target and Ethel thinks it is “LOL” which it certainly ain’t.
I know some things are absolutely true because, for example, her sister has told me or (shamefully) because I have seen eMail when her back was turned.
So: I tell her to sling her hook on her birthday. She eMails my son to say she is very upset. She eMails me to say can’t we give it a bit of time? Can we talk? I respond badly, I can’t remember.
We don’t talk. She tells me it’s over. She tells friends, family.
I go to London. She is over me like a rash but keeps saying she does not want to come home, then she says she does. Up and down like a bride’s nightie.
After another week she made an almost snap decision. She’ll be back this evening. For a trial period.
Then she goes home for a few days. She is as good as gold. On the ‘phone all the time.
Then, the week before last we are in the car when her eyes go wet and she says she has something to tell me, she has had a fling with another bloke. Why did she tell me? She shows me a text in which he says he is writing to me to tell me what she has been up to.
I start calm but get more and more worked up. In the early hours of the next morning I ask her to leave and she spends the rest of the night in her car in a car park.
Early the next morning she is back wanting to talk. I did not let her in the house. That morning at work – at work mind you – comes five pages from the bloke from which a number of things shine through. And some which broke my heart. My marriage effectively ended when I caught her on the pill. Have the relationship gods got it in for me?
What was obvious was that this man is an arse. That she had ditched him. He was very miffed. He had chosen to maliciously make the world drop from my bottom with five pages telling me what they did together, including the bedroom fact.
So, her take is “we” were over. She wanted to start again. She was lonely and upset. We were finished. Her sister says she was horrified the woman jumped into another relationship so quickly but is adamant her relationship with me was over.
On her tablet there was an eMail she has just deleted. I wanted a copy. It was to a friend on the friend’s birthday and bringing her up to date.
She had been seeing a man in Derbyshire – me. How she ached for me. Her mind was in turmoil, she was being mentally beaten up. But she was absolutely determined it was over. She had met a man but it was all innocent, they had been to a concert and for a drink. Three or four paragraphs saying she was trying to make the best of what was for her, a very unhappy situation.
She upstairs in bed now.
I am having a sleep problem and am in the kitchen again. I have television in my skull. I can watch them at it. He is a teacher at a prep school in Twickenham. I Google his name and loads of photographs appear. I can now even see his face.
She has brought loads of clothes, obviously intending to stay. But the skull television won’t switch off and there is worse. He has ‘phoned here and insisted on talking to her. This idiot delights in telling me how he has fucked my woman. They have “unfinished business”. He says he will call again. Both of us are uptight about it and he won’t let me forget.
So Ethel, laugh out loud? If you had as many broken nights as I have done you might not find it so amusing.
My mindset now is to see how things go but to keep a weather eye on the woman market.
She is a different woman. A week ago she marches me into one of those shops and buys a toy. We have a joint together at the weekend – until ten days ago I had never had a cigarette ever. And she is insistent on some, what shall I say, innovative practices in bed. The Friday before last three firsts. Three things I had never done in my life before.
Head is spinning.
BTW. Before you say it, she had no idea what to do with the toy it was obviously a new experience.
T, if you check back, you’ll see I said LOL in response to what Fi had forecast, not anything that you had said.
And if anyone knows about sleepless nights for months on end, I do, due to illness this year.
But thank you for taking your unhappiness out on me. I need it. I really do.
Thank you for the update.
Sorry to hear that Ethel. Poor health always puts other things into perspective.
Thank you, Fi. Poor health does indeed put everything else into perspective.
I just can’t help myself……..how did this other bloke know who you were/ where you lived to write to you/ your name and number to call you?
She says she told him she had just come out of a relationship, told him my name and what I did for a living and he looked me up on the ‘net.
She said he saw my name and address on a pedigree (one of the pups, the one she has kept) and got my home address.
I was going to complain to the school that one of the teachers, a role model, had written a spiteful letter both to my home and my work but the Headmaster told me over the ‘phone it was not a school matter.
I wondered what had been going on after we parted but was happy to think the best until I saw his text then the letter. Now I am full of self doubt. Why get involved so quickly and with an obvious idiot?
The saving grace was the eMail to her friend in which she told her exactly what she has said to me. She was determined to end it between me and her yet on the other side of the coin was having sleepless nights thinking about me.
How I ache for a vanilla relationship..
Ethel, sorry big understanding. If I had known you were having a belly laugh at Fi’s prediction that this unhappiness would kick off again at Christmas I would have been rolling about laughing with you.
‘How I ache for a vanilla relationship..”
Yeah right. You love it – the tears, the begging, the running after moving cars, the sleeping in car parks after being thrown out in the middle of the night, the passionate make up sex, the drink, the dope, the jealous ex-s, the trying new ‘experimental’ things. You love it all. The only problem for you is that you can’t contain it as well as you want to. However you are now addicted to the thrill of it all, and a relationship with anyone else would seem totally boring. Which is quite good as both of you can continue in this way forever until one of you goes over the line – in her case probably taking an overdoes of pills to get your attention (at which point you will realise just how screwed up this relationship is) or you will completely lose it and find yourself doing something you really regret (probably hitting her after she has taunted you one time too many about how her other lovers were better in bed than you after you’ve both had a bit too much to drink), and again you will totally panic about what kind of relationship you are in. My bet is though that all her relationships end up like this (note this is a bloke she hardly knows at all yet she has a) picked another lunatic and b)divulged all sorts of personal information about you) and yours end in arguments too so you’re probably both well suited with neither of you being a doormat to the other. But as you both love the drama and fights, things can only escalate and this sort of stuff become even more the norm.
Fi, Oct 27 post???
Peggy – what do you mean? there are a number of posts on Oct 27
This one – “I’m not going to comment any more on your screwed up relationships as I don’t want to waste any more of what life I have left thinking about them. You, her and your ex-wife all appear to think you live in a soap opera.”
I’ve realised where I’ve seen a relationship this before
:http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061184/
Peggy – I’m not giving advice though and I’m merely observing the soap opera, and I’m not therefore annoyed by someone choosing to live like this.
righto. Just seems to me as an occasional observer that every time TL fans his feathers you respond. Again, just an observation, but this seems to fuel his fire and perpetuate the constant analysis and retrospection of events and disable and progress forward. I could be wrong though, I often am :-\
not only are you right, but you’re also much nicer than me 🙂
Cheers Peggy, Fi.
The thing is Fi, that in your haste to have a pop at my life you regularly imagine “facts” that don’t exist.
So, I try to explain but before the ink is dry on my keyboard you are back at my throat.
It is a noticeable fact that absent me no-one bears their backside as to their personal life. Why don’t you tell all?
I don’t feel any compulsion to broadcast private and personal details to all and sundry. Any problems I have I think I am well equipped to deal with myself, and on the odd occasion that I seek other opinions, then I go to the one or two people whose judgement I trust.
Why not? This is an anonymous blog.
Who the hell will find out it’s you?
it’s nothing to do with anyone identifying me – it’s that I simply don’t feel the need to broadcast personal information like a scatter gun to anyone who is in the vicinity. It’s called self restraint and it is nobody’s business except mine.
Also I’m perfectly capable of sorting out things myself without having to canvass the opinions of people I don’t even know and who don’t know me, some of whom have shown frankly extremely dodgy judgement themselves.
If I wanted to seek the opinion of other people I would go to people with specific knowledge or whose judgement I trust e.g. I would ask Maria about holidaying in Portugal. I would ask you about sex toys and dope smoking. (only joking on the last one 🙂 )
The more pertinent question might be why do you think you’re entitled to know more about me than I want to share with you.
My personal life …. happily ensconced in a deeply gratifying, rewarding, equal and hugely sexual relationship thanks x
Fi, I don’t know what to say.
You ask a question, I try to give an honest answer.
You spice up the facts and invariably come to the wrong conclusion.
Then you pour your bedpan over me splashing the contents in the process over the soap opera you say my life has become.
But if I ask you to open the door a shade so I can peep into your life, even just a little, it is suddenly a no no. Was your relationship history a Hello dream? I guess
OK.
1. you have divulged all sorts of stuff here over the years, yes, years. Thats why we know about your fights with your ex-wife, your problems with your daughter, your dislike of your mother in law, your rudeness to strangers. You willing tell all this stuff, my guess is because you like an audience.
2. You do say I am wrong but perhaps you can highlight where I have been in error.
3. I don’t have a problem either sharing relevant personal information, or answering personal questions if relevant and pertinent, what I do have a problem with is verbal diarrhoea where I am expected to open my mouth and pour out a load of personal drivel in response to people’s nosiness. However, if you want to know 3 things about me then ask away and I will endeavour to answer.
Yes, me. When you have no family it tends to put a different slant on things.
Loneliness is all too hightened right now! I actually wish Xmas could be cancelled! It’s too depressing!
I hate fucking Christmas!
That’s a surprise! 😀
Ive never liked Christmas and to be honest i think lots of people dont, they just have to pretend they do. And i dont think its got anything to do with not being in a relationship. Friends i know who are in one dont like it either, Wish people would be more honest about it, and not go through all this pretence. I read the other day the most popular christmas record was the Fairytale of New York by the Poges and Kirsty McCall, Think that says it all.lol
Why Fi, what do you mean? I’m such a sunny, optimistic person!!
Hey June, it ‘s been a long time. How are you doing?
Now, where is Lydia??
I expect Lydia is smugly sunning herself on her private island… 😉
Yes im still about still on own and sort of resigned to it now. whats the point in being anything else. Still sitting the dog, he loves me, my friend has partner and sometimes i think she adores the dog more.lol.
Seems most are all still in same situation, but what hell can any of us do, about it.Still pop on dating site, total waste of time, but you never know, tried the odd social group but too clicqy,people all desperately showing how they love the single life! and they dont.all a bit pathetic, rather not bother. Did did try the Living without Family site last year, good god it made me more depressed i felt quite fortunate after reading some of stories, at least i have friends some of these people seemed completely and utterly alone. One woman told me off because i said i had had a meal out with a friend, she said i shouldnt be on the site! as i was always saying id met up with a friend or been somewherelol I did think hmm these people seem to be completely alone for a reason.So maybe we are luckier than we realise.
Yes, I do.
My parents both died at Christmas; my Dad actually died unexpectedly in the middle of Christmas Day itself.
I find this time of the year utterly agonising.
Oh my, there is no such thing as a good time for someone to pass, but that has to be the worst I’ve ever heard. Sending you my sympathy.
Thank you, Ethel.
poor you
I’m sorry to hear that! The thing is about loneliness though is that you can be surrounded by people but deep down you’re still lonely and miss that deep connection with someone!
Vaso, better to be lonely and surrounded by people, than be lonely and totally on your own, as many are at this time of year.
or come to think of it, all year…
Yes of course you are right! I do pray and I feel selfish for doing so! I know from my own experience even people with partner’s can fee very alone! It all depends on your circumstances. I would say that i would rather be alone and lonely than being with someone and lonely! Does that make sense! At least if you are alone there is some hope that you will one day not feel lonely!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_sex_ratio
As a suggestion, all men head east, Russia and the slavics look to be a good place to stop over, sadly us women should head for Saudi, China or Greenland.
Sorry T – I am being an arse.
Oddly, you two appear to have a typical (if somewhat unconventional relationship) ongoing. Being an arse occasionally is just part of the gig, as is waking up at 5am and regretting it. People only react if they care, that might be care for the other persons well-being when they sense the other is in error or care for themselves getting hurt. Please will you two just meet up?
That would be a nightmare. Can you imagine how it would be in real life is this is what it’s like where all we do is communicate in writing? I’d be throwing myself out of windows or in front of cars to get some peace and quiet while he’d be standing behind me pointing out the ‘problem with you women’
As I said — a typical relationship — lolx
😆 indeed
Fi, I was advised to write a letter to myself by the nurse who stuck a bloody great tube up my arm ten minutes after being told the great news she (the girlfriend not the nurse) had been shagging an away fixture.
I didn’t tell the nurse I had already been doing that for years – on this blog.
My way of dealing with things is different to yours. I wear my heart on my sleeve.
It is funny though, only last night I was thinking you are exactly like me. You have a pop because something I do annoys/frustrates you and spend miles of column doing it.
I have told you when I would be in Scotland and (I think) told you last time my son would be with me in case you thought the object was not to shoot the breeze rather to get you to drop your finger trappers.
You didn’t bite. I don’t like medieval libraries either. So bugger off.
PS. You are not an arse.
And on the subject of women – what a sly two faced lot.
As in Janus — beginnings and transitions, but not sly
Peggy, delighted to hear you are popping socks.
Will you have a word with Fi? I think she’s sulking.
Ah my dear TL how little of the female kind you understand. She’s not sulking merely recovering and building her reserves for round two, can’t you hear the bell clanging, any minute now it’ll be seconds out.
I’m not sulking. I am simply getting on with my life. if I have nothing to say I say nothing. Only T with his highly dramatic and egocentric view of the world would assume that my absence from these pages is due to sulking rather than say because I’m meeting up with friends, going for lunches, visiting the cinema and playing my ukulele.
😀
Fi, don’t mention playing your ukulele round here – a lot of people would get the wrong impression.
What’s more there was a time – a time before the red mist decended to colour your vision – that your radar would have instantly picked up “sulking” was a leg pull intended to get you to pop out of your lair.
And what if I do have an egocentric view of life? Just what is wrong with that?
Peggy you can’t count. Were you to use all your pinkies and all your tootsies you would not have enough to count the times that Fiona has come out for another round. I am just a bruised, unwanted male.
And just where is Rosie when I need her most? Can’t Scott wade in with some tactless sexist remark so she could use up her dragon’s breath on him and spare me?
Dragon’s breath – I like it. Nope, I LOVE it. Thank you.
What happened next then? Where is she now? How many tears were shed/ orgasms achieved/ doors slammed?
There is no door slamming.
I can’t get it out of my head, it is at its worst early in the morning.
Orgasms? I am finding anything in that department difficult because the thought of what she has been doing with someone else is like a maggot in my brain.
Just don’t know what to do. It is just horrid
Just the same today.
She is getting ready for Sunday – twelve neighbours coming for Christmas lunch – as though nothing has happened.
I wake around 6. First thought. On my skull telly there they are at it. I have to get up because if I lie in bed I start to dwell and then get upset.
If I could understand why she felt the need it might begin to help.
Or why this fuckwit, a teacher, wrote a five page letter to my work (it was not even addressed properly to me and marked “private”) when he had my home address and why was he so spiteful and malicious he had to write it at all?
Bloody women.
The way things are going I will just bide my time and see if I can do without a woman or keep a weather eye open for a substitute. I am pretty sure she will scrike if I get rid but I can’t beat myself wondering what she is up to every time she goes to London. Can I?
Oh, and June. Don’t be alone, ask the neighbours for lunch. Sit the ones that don’t get on next to one another. Relax and all will come right.
Honestly T here are some of my thoughts which may be helpful or not:
1. I understand it is upsetting for you. however I am amazed this hasn’t happened to you before as I can’t imagine there are many people in the world who haven’t been in this predicament at some point. So while you are not doing anything unique, the comfort in this is that actually you aren’t doing anything unique. Do some googling to find out ‘whether your relationship can recover from infidelity’ and it will come up with advice that gives you something to consider.
2. She wasn’t actually unfaithful was she as you had both ended your relationship although you don’t seem to think so. Why don’t you?
3. I think she is the email version of you i.e. a woman who would rather be with someone, anyone, than be on her own which is why she managed to find someone and end up in bed with them within what? a matter of days of thinking your relationship was over?
4. There is something odd about her giving out your personal details to her next bloke. I mean who does that? I’ve dated blokes without knowing anything about their last relationship let alone their previous woman’s name. I have never given away the names of any of my previous men. It is weird that she did, let alone give him enough info about you to track you down.
5. He is obviously odd to go to all the trouble to track you down from the info she gave him. I mean she wasn’t married to him and having an affair with you which is really the only time I can imagine someone doing such a thing.
6. She must have done something pretty mental to him to get this response from him – either that or he is genuinely bonkers – because someone normal, while feeling slightly pissed off, would just shrug their shoulders that their new person had decided to give their ex another try.
7. At best she has bad judgement (accidentally picking someone so odd to have a relationship with).
8. Yep she is over it now and wants to move on and doesn’t really see what the fuss is. Because that’s last week’s drama not this week’s.
In haste, she is in the room next door. Don’t want to get caught.
Break-up in September to mid October. I can understand she thought it was over and looked for another bloke. She is a widow. Husband died in flat. She does find it difficult to be there on her own.
Mid September. I say we have made a mistake I will come down to London for a talk. She says she has gone away. Lie. It is just gathering momentum with this bloke.
Week later she says come and see me. End of that week I go down. No mention of bloke. All over me like a rash one minute. Not sure what to do the next. I leave in the morning she says she does not know what to do. I say OK I will go home, not doing this again and that is that.
On the way home she calls and says she is desperate – she is coming straight back. I say she has things to do I have things to do leave it till the following weekend.
That six days she sleeps with him two/three times. She says because I was still giving mixed signals her mind was all over the place. News to me. The Monday she came back I knew something had triggered an immediate change of mind. She became decisive – said she was coming straight home. Was on the road within a couple of hours.
One thing that really hurt was she screwed him that same Monday morning.
I am now a monster. I check her phone. One big positive was an email she sent to a friend in which she said – I paraphrase – “we” were over. She was not coming back – which to a degree explains the other bloke but she was desperate. Couldn’t sleep wanting me, thinking about me. Head in space but what could she do? It was over.
It’s that last few days I can’t fathom. The things she had to do included helping him to move. Out for lunch with him. Shagging him. Etc.
She got shot of him right enough – another thing I don’t understand – because I am sure she had given him the hard word yet shagged him again. She had definitely told him bye bye but why screw him the day she came home? His own letter makes it clear she had said she was coming back to me.
And if anyone thinks I enjoy this – I don’t. I don’t want to touch her, I feel dirty.
And I don’t understand these women who say they haven’t had a bloke for years. Watch mine operate.
And this teacher boy. I don’t know him from Adam. Why scramble my head? Letter to my office. The bastard.
“I can understand she thought it was over and looked for another bloke.” Especially as she doesn’t want to be in her flat on her own. Of course you can.
The rest of us are a bit choosier though and that is the explanation for why women here are on their own – they want someone that is right for them as opposed to just anybody that is of the right sex and breathing. And it also explains why you don’t understand how it’s possible for women here to be on their own because it is a concept you don’t understand. Even now you are wondering whether you should “just keep a weather eye open for a substitute”. It is not clear whether you will keep her while you’re doing this but even if not, it seems it’s any port in a storm just about rather than none. It stands to reason that if you can’t be on your own then you will settle for what woman crosses your path that vaguely meets your requirements. Even if just to fill the gap till somebody better comes along.
I haven’t got anything else to add though as a) you had split up and b) being a desperate kind of woman she was shagging both of you while she decided which one she was going to keep as c) she had to keep one of you because she can’t exist without a bloke.
And I bet that had you met another woman in that time period and were shagging her and the first one came back, you would do the same thing if the opportunity arose while you made your mind up which one to have.
Your problems with women all seem to stem from the basic need to have one, any one. And this leads you to hook up with totally unsuitable ones.
The reason it’s 2 in the morning is I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep because I can’t get it out of my head and I know if I lie staring at the bedroom ceiling I will start to scream.
Either I have to get rid, or, if Icling ro the wreckage and put what has happened in the past. I am too weak to do either so this relationship will rust until it finally breaks.
Read the Blacker biography of Willie Donaldson? Good fun.
I think it takes a while for your emotional response to settle. Give yourself a few more weeks before making any decisions about what to do
Actually don’t. Watching the two of you is what keeps me returning periodically. If you two met up and realised you were destined for each other there’d be nothing much left to watch. Unless scott came back to the fold!
Random question: anyone here know much about culture change towards a greater Followship/Servant Leadership model? Just thought I’d ask
Never heard of it. What is it?
In essence its an approach to culture change and leadership that suggests a bit of role reversal. Managers/leaders required to be a bit more humble and those under them a bit more engaged and accountable. You never know what people’s backgrounds are on here and I’m now trying to articulate to a client that essentially their managers are arrogant techy nerds and their workforce a bunch of whingy windbags and perhaps they need to shake things up a bit…. in short
I’d just say it like it is and remove any ambiguity. But that’s me. 🙂
Tempting, but I quite like being engaged to this account, the shortcut approach would jeopardise that so instead I’ll wrap it in cotton wool and put a ribbon around it too.
Odense, Denmark
Its’s so much positive energy around me again. I haven’t felt like this for months, maybe years. And now when they broke up and she calling me to get back together and all..WOW I am so happy.all thanks gose to d.rrivershebalisthome the spell caster who help me out if you need his help also contact him email address.d.rrivershebalisthome@gmail.com thank you so much doctor
it’s sad but there will be some people who fall for this and hand over money.
I know it’s nearly Christmas but I am stressed. It’s just one day of celebration but the lead up for this ONE day has been manic. Why? Why do we do it? Why do we, or should I say I, allow ourselves to be manipulated to such a degree that we end up unhappy? Tell me how you cope because I’ve lost it! Merry Christmas everyone. I really hope 2015 holds better times for everyone suffering, to whatever degree, stress. Xxx
This year for the first time ever I am spending christmas day on my own instead of tagging on to somebody else’s idea of christmas. That means I have ignored christmas and not put up any decorations or a tree, and will simply shove twenty pound notes into cards for my nieces and nephews instead of buying gifts. Grown ups don’t get any. All I actually have to do is buy something nice for me to eat on the day and I will then settle in for a day (first time in 30 years) when I can watch tv and potter about doing what I want instead of watching children arguing and people getting stressed about things not going to plan. And in the evening I’m going away to stay with friends. Looking forward to it although it may of course turn out to be a massive anti climax as everyone is warning me it will be. But I do at least have a number of offers of tagging on the end of other people’s dinners if I change my mind on the day and don’t want to sit at home feeling sorry for myself. Which is what may happen.
Fi (or should I say Dragon’s Breath),don’t you spend your Christmas with your children? Around here not spending it with your family, even more so if you have children, is considered nothing less than sacrilege.
I’m going to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my sister, her husband and my nephew. Not really looking forward to it, since they always seem to choose the day to argue.
Don’t be silly, come here. Enjoy the view and the worst cooking known to man.
Well…as nobody with family or friends is really allowed to spend Christmas on their own, I’m having to give in and spend the day with folk. Which is nice and all that, and very kind of them, but one of these days I hope to be able to spend the day doing what I want to do, rather than what other people want me to do. Anyway, everybody have a lovely time.
If you have somewhere to go, be grateful. Not everyone does and it can make it a very lonely time.
I know. I’m grateful. There but for the grace of god etc etc etc
T – how are you/things now?
Cheers, Fi. Thanks for asking.
And Happy Christmas to you and to anyone who is alone and lonely.
The answer to your question is: things are mixed. Every second day I have a fit of depression. We rowed so much on Saturday she went to a hotel for the night.
The key is me, I suppose. Do I want to have another go? Trust? If I do I have to forget the past and look forward.
The upside is she is as keen as mustard – is making a mega effort.
Come and see us both in the New Year – give me time to make up an excuse. Who the hell is this woman will be the question I have to answer.
Tell me something? Are you sticking with her because the thought of looking elsewhere is too daunting or are you prepared to put up with stress and drama for the rest of your natural?
________________________________
I bet that T stays because he would find anything else boring.
September, She is driving me up the wall, nag, nag, nag. And she goes home because her stepdaughter is working in London and wants a bed before going back to Madrid and that irritates me because as far as her late husband’s family are concerned, I don’t exist.
Finally, in late September I tell her to sling her hook, Her version amounts to this: I told her to ‘eff off. I refused to talk. She tells everyone it’s all over and from that point on she was a free woman. My version: I sent several text messages mid October saying we were making a mistake. I was going down. But she lied and said she had gone away. Would not pick up ‘phone.
Common ground: she met this bloke at about the same time and had not gone away – she had just started to see him.
We eventually spoke at the end of that week. Floods of tears but two days later was as cold as ice again.
End of October I say had enough, am going down to sort things out one way or the other. She says no. Then changes her mind. Held on to me (literally) from the moment I arrived.
Next morning she is still not sure what to do. I say: OK I am off, that’s that.
She then calls while I am in the motor and flip flops. Says she is coming straight home. I say hang on we both have things to do leave it for a few days. Her version: she was in turmoil. Would anything change? I loved you but although my heart said go back her head said nothing has been sorted.
Course, I did not know about this bloke she had just started to screw.
So, she says she is coming back the following weekend after the dog club. I get huffy because the dog club is trivial compared to “us” but what happens is – the things she has to do – include helping this bloke move, takes him for lunch and fucking him three times that week including the morning she eventually drove north to me.
There are some odd facts. I believe her when she says she had not slept in the same bed that last night, she had put him in a spare room. It is also true we were both still huffy because I wanted her to make an effort and come home early and that Monday morning there was still no definite decision about coming home and when. She says she thought it was not going to happen, so, whilst she had not intended to screw him (hence the separate bedrooms) one thing had lead to another before he left for work.
We then had a rather tense three weeks before she announced I was about to receive a letter telling me this teacher boy had been screwing her. He had taken the hump because he had been ditched.
In the early hours of the following morning I suggested she should leave. She claims to have slept in the car. She turned up again around 8, wanting to take one of the dogs she said was hers and then went to London.
The next day she was back and we have lived together since. I am now at her parents’ in Cheltenham for Christmas.
There are a number of unexplained facts. Every day something picks at the scab. My head has been scrambled and I have no idea what will happen. No idea at all. This sore may drive us apart because I won’t let it go. She is constantly telling me she is sorry, what a mistake it has been. But it only takes the slightest thing to kick me off. Wednesday I opened the glove box in her car and there was a shopping list he had written out for them. And so on.
I now root through everything. The one thing that has kept me sane is an eMail she sent to an actress friend in which she set out in detail what had happened in September, how she missed and wanted me so much but how I had told her to sling her hook and how she had to be strong and end things.
So what will happen? Lawd knows. At my age do I want this trauma? Shall I cling to the wreckage? We are both past our best and the last thing I want with everything else going on at the moment is to start again – try to find another woman.
Women are much better at being on their own than men. It is a fact, Fi, that with the right woman behind me I am a better bloke and less of a slob. And it can be bloody lonely at my place up a hill.
It is also true that she is the best woman I have had a relationship with, by a mile the best. My mate took her for a pint last week after work. His verdict? She is terrific company.
Stop there. I was up at 4 fretting. It is now 6 in the am. She fucked this bloke – a completely unsuitable idiot – three times after she said she wanted to come straight home leading me to think that was exactly what was happening. I can’t cope with the stress of sleep deprivation and jealousy.
There have been changes on both sides. On mine I have started to look at other women in a weighing up sort of way, something I would never have dreamed of doing two months ago. My local pharmacist, Fi, is 6 feet 3 and I was just thinking last week what lovely legs she had and then thought of you.
That might be the clue to the end don’t you think?
1. Rushing to make a decision is not the way to go. Most things sort themselves out with time. Don’t make a decision now, just let the situation ferment a bit longer and it will resolve itself without you having to do anything. Either you will find you can live with it and the relationship issues will be resolved or you will know in your heart of hearts you can’t and will willingly let it go. Otherwise you will make a decision you clearly can’t yet make and will regret it. There’s no pressure to do it (other than the pressure you are putting yourself under) so just let it brew until the time is right and the answer presents itself. If you ignore a lot of problems they eventually go away or fix themselves.
2. Until you take responsibility for the things that happen to you in your life you will keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. You knew she was volatile, that your relationship was volatile and that you are volatile. As far as I can see your entire history of relationships are one volatile relationship after another. What did you expect – a woman who would sit at home knitting when you ditched her?
3. You sound pretty confrontational – like you’re trying to punish her and catch her out in lies and she seems to alternate between dramatic breast beating and wailing and on the other hand acting as if nothing has happened. I would have thought that if you were both going to fix this then you would be hurt but want to understand her reasons because you cared about her and, while not liking what she did, you wanted to understand her thinking and wanted to fix your relationship, and she would be caring towards you and want to make you feel better. Neither of you are doing this. In fact both of you seem to think your individual selves are more important than the relationship or the other person. A starting point could be just being nice to each other and leave the subject alone for the next few weeks. Just because you think things doesn’t mean you have to say them to her.
Oh Fi, what to say. You are pretty much right. As usual.
The speed took my breath away. I wish I had had a quid every time I was told she was a classy woman, she would not be shagging around – she would take her time, let things settle. How wrong that was.
Him. What a prat. I have spoken to him. Read five pages of his spiteful letter. Seen the damage he has done doing “repairs” at her place. Why did she throw herself at him? And while it was going on claiming to have sleepless nights and telling friends she thought of nothing but me.
Women are a closed book as far as logic and reason are concerned.
Today, there are a number of scabs to pick. He has called her whilst she has been at my house. That wound me up. I am 100% sure she has told him to sling his hook but the calls went right up my funnel.
Then came his Christmas card. She has a flat in one of those modern blocks overlooking the river. He has a friend in the same block. The card sends information about a Scottish stone circle, his Christmas itinerary, his new mobile number. Best of all says he will see her next time he visits his friend. As though it is business as usual.
So how do I cope when she goes home to London on her own? I like my own space but I bet jealousy coating separation for even a couple of days will kill us off.
I look and am critical. I look for things I don’t like. She has some veins I had not noticed. Has put on some pork round her bum and legs. This is not me but I am looking for shallow reasons not to like her any more.
Hey ho. Moaning, writing this nonsense helps me find a tad more perspective. I talked to a professional and was going to go on a weekend course on relationships in general. This chap said the first step is to realise you are a decent person with self esteem. When I am in that frame of mind I feel a lot better. If she prefers him to me she is welcome.
I’ll shut up now. Sorry.
I have to say it all sounds very odd – the card, the itinerary. Is she encouraging it for excitement or is he just extremely stalkerish?
Here is another thought – whenever you think anything at all about it, just resolutely turn your thoughts to something else rather than letting your mind dwell on unpleasantness. It won’t make it go away but it will minimise the effect on you. If you sit and go over and over it in your mind you will feel worse. It is a choice as to whether you do that or not. Like deciding not to take that next cigarette but to get up and busy yourself doing something else you can also decide not to sit and think about it but to get up and do something else to take your mind off it.
His previous behaviour has already marked him out as some kind of weirdo. He sounds cold and calculating to me. If he was trying to make you jealous, T, he’s succeeded.
As Fi says, try not to give in to dwelling on it. That is far easier said than done of course, but if you can find things to take your mind off it, you’ll be not giving in to what he wants either. Don’t let the bastard grind you down.
P.S. I’ve just spent what must be Christmas No. 8 all alone yet again. I took the car for a drive for an hour on Christmas Day to get me out of the house. Did the trick. Stopped me dwelling. I haven’t spoken to a soul since I said thank you to the woman on the supermarket check out on Christmas Eve. The next person I speak to is likely to be the person on a supermarket check out tomorrow. Ho Hum.
That is sad Ethel. Have you no friends to invite you to theirs or do you not want to go?
A bit of both, Fi. It can be worse to sit watching another family having their happy family day, knowing you’re not really part of it. Friends used to invite me, some did it more out of making themselves feel better. “You can’t be on your own on Christmas Day”. Well, actually, you can. It doesn’t matter so much now that it means nothing to me any more.
You are so right. It isn’t enjoyable sitting in on someone else’s christmas as you end up feeling like a victorian spinster aunt – the old lady in black who never got a husband who sits at the end of the table, who can be relied to show gratitude for not being forgotten. After leaving the host and hostess can congratulate themselves for being such charitable people, almost as though they helped out at homeless shelter for the day. Where people genuinely want you to join in because you are great company it’s different, but again in order to be single and invited places you have to earn your keep by being the sort of person other people think of and want around – no moaning or acting human like real family members because who wants a moaning minnie? Switch on that smile! Show some gratitude!. Sometimes it is exhausting being nice. I do think it quite astonishing that some people will insist you go and stay at theirs for the day because they believe watching their children fight, or seeing them get stressed and fight, is preferable to sitting at home eating and drinking and doing what you want to when you want to do it. This year I chatted to my single friends who all felt the same and although again they had been invited along to their families or friends, felt they were invited along to help with the cooking or babysit and either as an obligation or to make people feel kind and generous to the unwanted spinster. So…..next year we may well get together and spend christmas all together in a riot of drunken snobbishness, drinking Baileys and Snowballs from dawn too dusk.
riotousness not snobbishness – spell check!
Ethel, I just can’t get my head round being ill, lonely or both. I know it can be a miserable reality but why I don’t know. Why we are such a shit, insular, self centred society is beyond me.
I will be quartered if she sees this blog. I am sure she would agree with 90% of the things I say but she can keep things to herself, I wear my heart on my sleeve. She bollocks me for telling anything to anyone.
So, the point. I can’t easily say call if you want to talk to someone but if you did I could always find a way. Don’t be down or lonely. I will happily gossip if it cheers you up. How far away from Manchester are you?
T, you’re being nice to me, are you sure you’re feeling ok? (joke!)
I also wonder about society. So many people know I am alone, not just this time of year, but all of the time, and don’t seem to care. I have relatives who live in the same town as me, but I can’t call them family. I never hear from them. It’s always been me that makes contact.
I could write an essay on the inept things that have been said to me this year but I won’t, I can’t be arsed.
I have wondered what is wrong with me. Am I bad company? I don’t think I am. I am sure there are those who would say I am not.
Someone said to me not so long ago that making friends is easy but making friends with people you actually like is the difficult part. Too true in my experience. I’ve ditched ‘friends’ in the past because their idea of friendship was to use me when it suited them. As an example, there were those who wanted to come out with me in the car, but expected me to pay for the petrol to take them where they wanted to go. I guess I’m just not desperate enough for company that I’ll pay for it. And the longer I’m on my own, the more I seem to prefer it. At least I always get my own way.
I’m miles away from Manchester, down in the south east. But thanks for the offer to talk. It’s kind of you.
When I fell out with her my reaction was, as it had been umpteen times before, clear off home.
When the dust settled – or rather weeks later when we had a proper talk – the penny dropped. Although I was upset by what she did (and at the time chuffed to see the back of her) she had been upset by a list of things I had done and very hurt by being told to sling her hook. There was another side to the coin.
I paid a price. I was lonely too. Not in the same way you are but because I had to start again without her and then because she started to screw another bloke. I felt alone, no matter how many people you know there was no cure for what goes on in your head.
I called my Doctor to see if I could get help. My problem? Every time someone did something I did not like, I immediately went for my gun. Eventually, I looked for myself and found a charity which offered weekend courses on relationships. About a hundred quid for three days. I have not done it for a number of reasons but that is not the point.
I have a builder doing some work for me in Manchester. Before Christmas he fell out with the bloke who does his labouring. I spoke to both. The other bloke told me they had both had a big drink and fell out because he had not answered his mobile. He thought it was pathetic. The builder had not told me he was drunk too. But the builder was never ever going to have anything to do with his mate again.
Just like me. Just the way I over-react. Just like you?
The bloke I talked to about the course said they would try to teach me how to deal with difficult situations and most important of all to restore my own self esteem, give me confidence in myself. You know, they say if you are unhappy living with yourself no-one else will live with you.
Every one of us is different. But, without wanting to offend you, and I am trying to be helpful, maybe the root of the problem is inside you just as I know I caused much of what went wrong in my life.
I have paid a big price. At 5 this am I was staring at the bedroom ceiling. I started to watch the telly in my head. I saw her naked screwing this other bloke. I have to watch the repeat in the lonely darkness every night.
Is there something that happened to me, the way I reacted familiar?
Never been one for confrontation myself. I could not be less like you if I tried.
ok. i will.
Hi Ethel. Just read your post and agree with every word. As an only child I think I cope much better than most about being alone. When my friends had gone home it was just me and my parents and I was fine with that but I always craved alone time. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy company and can be good company myself, or so I am told but my alone time is where I heal the wounds of the day.
There is nothing wrong with you Ethel. Nothing at all. People can be strange and I know full well what you mean about people using you so the best thing to do is cut free from them. You are so right about being able to do your own thing without the guilt of trying to please someone else. However, that does not mean that I wouldn’t enjoy the company of a man but a man who had his own interests as well as shared interests with me. It’s finding someone that’s the problem.
Still it’s nearly 2015 and a fresh year awaits us all. This year will be what we make it. We make our own luck I think. I have two holidays to look forward to. One in June to The Canaries and one in September to my beloved Croatia. Going one my own to both destinations. Who knows who I’ll meet and talk to. That’s the beauty of going alone. You make your own destiny!
A very happy New Year to all on this blog. May all your dreams come true xx
Thank you, Mezzanine. And I agree with all you say too!
I’m sadly coming to the conclusion that I don’t like people very much – not all of them of course, but a lot of them. Everyone seems to be out for themselves nowadays. The faux female friends who only wanted me for a free taxi service turned nasty when I refused to be used. Finding nice people seems to be increasingly difficult. Oh well.
[…] a final note, I will reference the last posted musing by The Plankton, now nearly a year old. This funny (and raw) writer informs us of a woman she has heard of who is a […]
@T – what’s been happening with you and her since your last update?
God knows. It can be largely summarised by something rumbling over the past day.
She gets a call from her elderly mother. Mother loves daughter and wants to be with her all the time. Mother uses excuses to get daughter to travel to see her.
Yesterday, needs help with her tax return. Another daughter lives 25 car minutes away. So mine starts to bitch with her mother. I was only there at the weekend. Get …. to do it – she never does anything.
I then pour oil on troubled water. I’ll go with you. But nothing was right last night and she still has a face today until, just now, I exploded. Did you go on like this before you fucked him? Did nagging turn him on?
I forget what she did when we are happy. When she acts like a spoiled prat it all comes back. We then have a massive row (had four major blow ups in the last couple of weeks) and life dives.
See you soon in Scotland?
I was bath hunting at the weekend. Went into this big showroom. Not one bidet. The salesman said they sold only one bidet per every 500 suites. I fainted. How do people keep their nether regions clean? Must be a lot of grubby tackle going about.
Now Fi, here’s a tit bit for you. Six years now since the daughter spoke to me. At one stage my only channel was Facebook – how naff is Facebook? – and when I opened an account in not quite my name and asked if she was OK I was cut off, blocked, or whatever Facebook people do.
Well, it may not be entirely my fault (grumpy nature didn’t you say) after all and as it turns out, because, out of the blue, after six years, she wants to see me asap. Meeting her at lunchtime tomorrow.
If you can work out that one – or the mind of a woman – tell me how it’s done. And my theory that the fault for this six years is not mine? Well, apparently it is to be a clandestine meeting. Her Mother (my dear dear wife) is not to know. I wonder why.
Hurrah!! Here’s what I think has happened: your ex-wife bad mouthed you all the time and your daughter sided with her in the fall out of the relationship crumbling, and so she blocked you. Now older and a bit wiser she thinks she may have been a bit of a fool and that there are two sides to every story and wants to see if you and she can build a relationship. However as your ex-wife would not be pleased about this, and would cause trouble for her, your daughter doesn’t want her to know.
I am sure you will be perfectly nice tp her, not criticise your ex-wife or daughter and let her know how pleased you are to see her, and you will be well on the way to building that bridge.
Have a lovely time and let us know how you get on. And what’s happened to your girlfriend in the intervening few weeks?
Well, I know it is a no no to have a go at the missus because no matter how badly I think her mother behaved the two still love one another.
That said my daughter (26) wanted to bring her husband (have never had a conversaion with him, did not go to the wedding) but I said no because I hoped we could have a frank discussion about what had happened (including what I felt when my then best mate sent my wife a vibrator), why life at home was so strained and why I should have called it a day instead of clinging on – trying to keep us together.
Then to let her throw her wig at me.
Then to promise never to look back again.
It’s funny, I feel rather odd about the whole thing.
The girlfriend? She is just making a coffee. Answer later.
Dont destroy the bridge! You may regret it. What if she had kids at some point – wouldn’t you like to have the chance to be a grandad? You will get the chance for frank discussions again but tiptoe into them when you have built the good relationship, don’t blow it at the outset by having an argument and reinforcing to her that she was right to cut you off, and then your wife (who she will tell about it after it’s happened) will just do the I-told-you-he-was-a-bastard routine. Or do that if you feel like it but I would have thought by now you would have learned to keep your mouth shut and pause before reacting and making things worse for yourself but it doesn’t sound like it
Or maybe she just wants something from you, e.g. money, and that’s why she wants to meet you.
Fiona you are right. If we can get back on track first, soul searching can wait.
I know other blokes who have had the same experience with a daughter. Some have become close, some not, so let’s see.
Maria, there is no need to tap me up for dosh. She has a good job, buying her own home and her mother, compared to me, has more folding than Creasus at the moment.
Her, the girlfriend, a mixed picture. She behaved like a spoiled prat yesterday, so, this morning I was lying there thinking about what she did. There is no sign whatsoever of a repeat but yesterday she drove me to the edge, just as she did in September.
Well, Fi, you were right.
She was there first. Had organised food and a tab. Took a tablet – went through photographs taken in the missing years.
No mention of the reasons we had fallen out nor her mother ‘till a couple of hours had gone by. All of a sudden she mentioned her mother’s boyfriend and how he had not been overjoyed because she – the daughter – had asked to meet me.
I said if he made her mother happy and vice versa that was fine by me, it was not a competition between me and her mother to see who netted her affections. Apart from the fact I couldn’t fathom why the wife’s boyfriend had had a fit (my boy told me later it was true, he had) everything went swimmingly.
So 2014 crap. The 2015 summary so far: sorted with daughter. About to make a final push to finish new house. Divorce about to become absolute. Wife making progress towards buying me out. Doing OK. Fingers crossed.
Excellent. It’s worth remembering though that it was your attitude and behaviour that made it a success.
The boy told me yesterday what had gone on with the wife’s boyfriend. When he found out I was meeting my daughter he banged on about whether she would be OK and how she should take her brother. My boy told him that his sister had contacted me, that she had instigated the meeting not me.
I just cannot think what business it is of his (she is 25 and married) but that the boyfriend was behaving like a bit of a prat. I know it’s not a competition between parents but after all the crap thrown my way it was nice to know that the kids are able to think for themselves and – in the girl’s case – now able to see things differently.
I keep being told to send a message to say I had a lovely time and how I am looking forward to seeing her again but I think not. If she wants it she can contact me again.
All this is far too heavy isn’t it? But not much to laugh about at the moment. 2015 has started well but the giggles are still hibernating.
It sounds as though he thinks you could become violent or aggressive.
How did you leave it? I would agree with your friends as it is just common politeness to acknowledge you had a nice time and say thank you if she paid for the meal. Saying you would like to catch up again offers the potential to do so, not saying that may leave her with the impression you sent that interested.
I have no idea what he thought. My boy thought it was funny, the daughter gave the imression she thought it odd.
That said the daughter was the mistress of playing me off against her mother and I did wonder whether, next, it will be me against the wife’s boyfriend.
For that reason I didn’t want to apear over excited about having had this meeting. I missed her Duke of Edinburgh (the boyfriend went) her graduation (ditto) her 21st (ditto) wedding (I was invited but said no) so I’m not going to chase her.
So how is everyone? Did anyone get lucky for Valentine’s Day?
Ethel (trying to live vicariously)
Hello. Not me!
Hi Ethel, yes, it would be rather nice to get a quick round-robin catch-up from everyone. I managed to say a final goodbye to someone I had started seeing at the end of last summer a few days before Valentine’s Day. Don’t imagine that exactly counts as “getting lucky”. But I did see a girlfriend the morning after Valentine’s for brunch. The couple sitting next to us were not talking. At least, the woman was not talking to the man, despite the man’s best efforts. If you’re not coupled-up on Valentine’s at least you don’t have to be disappointed by the failure of your man to meet some unspecified yet crucial standard, or, if you’re a bloke you don’t have to deal with the inevitable fall out of having f****’d up.
We need an update from T Lover as he is the only one of us with a partner
Partnership? Is that what you call it? I wish I had the spine to man up and live on my own.
Lydia. Notice how quickly “she” was able to comment – almost instantly after the day’s post arrived. As though “she” knew what was going to be said.
And “she” is now adding “her” pearls to another blog (is it a blog?) but in the same newspaper, the Times. Coincidence?
And there was a marked style change, at one stage, but always eccentric but widely read comments.
Lydia was not an individual. I bet she was two blokes.
And I am annoyed with Scott. Here is a piece of nastiness I hope you are reading Scott. You stopped commenting when you didn’t manage to hook up with one of the female commentators in time for your UK holiday which, if true, was mean because there were a number of people who were fond of you and your smelly trainers.
Me either.
yikes – he’s not jumped back on the old wagon has he
C’mon Lydia, June, Malcolm, Emgee, PY, Rosie, Elle, Steve, Jill, Miss Bates and the smart woman in Australia whose name I seem to have forgotten, and the lovely, wise psychiatrist or similar in Florida or somewhere like it, along with several others whose names are on the tip of my tongue (ageing…)…please wave hello…give us a quick round-up?
Rosie??!! Are you kidding? Yikes! I do miss hearing from Lydia, her private island and all her old bald fat disabled suitors, though.
And don’t forget Scott. I wonder, has he touched a woman’s body yet?
Well Scott comments on the Times website and a lot of his comments are vaguely sexual so I would assume no, and Lydia comments there too as English Rose and hers are usually along the lines of saying her kids are all geniuses, brought up not to be housewives, and other comments which get people’s backs up and makes them say she doesn’t like men very much. So…different website but they’re the same.
Fi, don’t we have to pay to have access to the Times website?
Yep, but I do. Occasionally I do think about saying hello, but don’t 🙂
Hi Zoe
I don’t know what spurred me to look again to see if the Plankton had resurfaced in the pond of life but here I am.
A great skiing trip in January with my ski buddy. Albeit any post holiday feel-good factor tempered on my return by the almost immediate death of my father. The first to go and whilst not unexpected (92) , still a momentous occasion in anybody’s life.
Since then it has all been about getting back to work, commencing the paper chase of probate, establishing a new routine with my mother – trying to keep her busy and help fill the vacuum that is left after 60 years of marriage.
The personal life remains as confused as ever , but hey , another Spring is sprung and what joy will that bring us all .
PY – nice to hear about you. 🙂
Thank you for that, PY. As Fi says, it’s good to hear from you. There are very few of us left at this particular party. I am sorry though to hear about your father. I recall just over a year ago now your account of the longevity and solidity of your parents’ relationship – while the relationships of those around them were crumbling.
Can we start a bring back scott campaign?
What;s happening now T? Have you moved yet? How’s your girlfriend? Your secretary?
Cheers, Fi, thanks for asking.
Are you still in the cancer clear? Been checked recently?
Why ask me these questions and then bollock me for a War and Peace answer?
I was watching this girl make a mug of tea the other day. The usual woman thing 1.5 litres of water boiled for one tea bag mug followed by only half a mug of tea. I was thinking how we, men and women, really are from different planets.
Then, did you see it on Sunday? Great canal journeys with Prunella Scales and her husband Timothy West. Quite entertaining but for West’s rather I am very important and clever I am a thespian aura.
Anyway, he was screaming at her as she tried to open a sluice and the boat was being buffeted. She was making a balls of it right enough but the point was she is gentle and his wig was doing a fly past because no matter how he shouted she just made it worse. At one point they bleeped his language. She was clueless.
How anyone could argue men and women are equal is beyond me. We just have completely different qualities don’t we?
Cracked it before but my favourite birthday card says it all. Mechanic (peering under bonnet): I’m afraid your battery is flat, Madam. Her: what shape should it be?
No, I haven’t moved. Nothing has been done to the house since November. Will start again when the sun starts to shine a little more.
I was cocky about my divorce. Not so now. She has applied for a financial order. If I could stick a red hot poker up her jacksy would I?
The girlfriend? Well what to say? Yesterday I could have killed her. Tomorrow I probably will. Wish I was deaf.
Secretary? No idea. She won’t pick up her phone (to anyone as far as I can find out) and there is a limit no matter how upset you are about it.
In my constant state of fedupedness I am a bit down about the fact no-one has got together and the blog is faltering. I look every day. Don’t know why but I do. Miss it I suppose.
T, tell us the name of your blog, so we can pick up the conversation from there. Lots of people would be up for it, I’m sure. Otherwise this will be dead soon.
Five or six years ago it was obvious that the run of spring salmon on our river was pretty thin. The powers that be (to be you have to have been to Eton, Oxbridge and have a title) decreed that we would have to return all spring fish, which as a basic proposition was quite reasonable. Especially if you want to drag a rare exhausted creature by its mouth to the bank then let it go.
However, there were much more serious steps that could have been taken, for example stopping fishing altogether, but that, of course would have meant the powers that be would have lost money – quite a big stash.
Anyway, to wind up the fishing establishment and their mates I started a fishing blog. That’s what my blog was all about so, I’m afraid it wouldn’t work. You wouldn’t want your comments featuring alongside pictures of dead fish and ancient ghillies would you?
Make a new one, then. Your posts alone about your girlfriend and her shenanigans would make it very interesting reading.
I can’t do that. Anyway, there is no sign that this blog will be pulled any time now.
You on half term?
I think writing a blog must be really hard work – I can’t imagine the self discipline required to continue to do it on a weekly basis – ok at the start when you have a lot to say it would be ok but to keep it going all the time conscious that people expect you to come up with something new and entertain them , well I couldn’t even try it. It works best I think when there is a regular change of subject matter too eg I read one called 52 first dates which was very amusing as the author just wrote about each date she went on. But at least the different dates provided the subject. So I guess I’m saying that much as if love to read about Ts love life/ divorce/ troubles with women etc, I can see why he is reluctant to do a blog. You asked about me T – I think I’m ok but we never know do we? Certainly my annual breast tissue scans don’t show anything, but now I know that sometimes it’s very hard to detect, and of course there’s no rule that says cancer ha to come back in the breast or be confined there anyway. But that’s the way it is for me and the millions of other people who have been treated – we are more conscious of the brevity and fragility of life maybe than people who haven’t been diagnosed, but it could be you and will be someone getting that diagnosis tomorrow.
Fi, so glad to know you’re ok. I get scanned annualy as well, because my mother died of this dreadful disease and I can’t tell you how scared I am when I have to do the said scan. I’d rather die ten years earlier than go through what my mother did.
I’m on half term already dreading the moment I’ll have to face those obnoxious kids aagain.
Teaching is hard I think – we used to be horrible to our teachers when we were young. Never saw them as people and I suppose we just thought it was amusing to challenge authority. I couldn’t do the job not least because I wouldn’t have the interpersonal skills required to teach and maintain discipline. And worst of all were those teachers who were (i now see) bullied by their pupils year after year as they had a reputation for being easy targets to wind up, and every year each new class would start afresh on them. Very very difficult job I would imagine. So well done you Maria. And your English is amazing – can’t believe you used a word like ‘shenanigans’ which is rarely even used by English speakers.
Fi, I’m not bullied, mainly because I do it to them before they do it to me. Call it self preservation if you will, but it’s fucking exhausting. The parents are the worst part of the job, most of them don’t take any responsability in their children’s education, don’t impose discipline and when we try to do it, they turn on us and complain to the school’s headmistress who, by the way, always favors the parents.
I swear, if I was young again I wouldn’t be a teacher even if they paid me 100.000 € a month.
Fi, T, take a look at this:
http://womenlovethemorleavethem.wordpress.com
What do you think?
Maria, I’m not Fi or T, does that mean I’m not allowed to comment? ;-D
Maria – that is fab. Are you going to say something on it to get the ball rolling?
Ethel – brilliant you are joining in. What have you been up to?
Fi, thanks for asking. Not much really, what with the tail end of last year’s illness and a bad dose of the winter blues on top. I’ll be glad when the weather warms up and I can get out a bit more.
Do you not have any concerns about that blog? Is it my suspicious and cynical mind in overdrive? There’s no mention of who has started it and the date on it is April 1… April Fool’s?
Didn’t Maria set it up?
Fi, I did set it up and I’m counting on Plankton’s followers to get it going. As everybody knows by now English isn´t my first language and my life is very boring, so all contributions will be welcomed.
Ethel, of course you can comment, you’re very welcome. And it’s not an April Fool’s Day prank, even though I did set it up on 1st April.
Maria, you deserve every penny of £100,000 a month. I could not do your job. The kids would eat me alive.
So that last comment of mine didn’t turn up in the right slot!
Maria, I meant to add well done for setting up the other blog 🙂
What are we going to do from here on, do we continue on here for now, or do we go straight over to Maria’s blog? Maria, Fi, T, anyone else?
Hi Ethel, I don’t know what we’ re going to do from here. As I said before, English isn’t my first language (I’m Portuguese) and I’ve nothing interesting to say. I haven’t had a date in decades and regarding twinkles, they’re getting scarcier as I fastly approach 60. I live alone with my cat, in a house I hate, I hate my job and I’ m post menopausal. Every now and then I get together with my sister and her family because they feel so sorry for the poor old spinster nobody cares about. Even so I don’t envy her the slightest, she’s always quarreling with her husband and pretty much spends her life waiting on him and her son hand and foot; she’s basically a domestic slave, always worried about meals, cleaning, the laundry…
Meanwhile, my brother-in-law spends his time sleeping, snoring, reading the newspaper and oggling young women, even from his own family, like his lovely young nieces. So, all in all, I much prefer my life, as empty as it may be.
Changing subject, I was hoping T Lover would write some of his lovely posts to get the new blog going, before they close this one.
Maria, you almost described my life. I’m lacking the cat, job and family though. I do have an older brother, but he’s resented me ever since I was born, so I don’t see him any more.
I’ve just spent another Easter all alone. Got out for a couple of short walks, so I did get to speak to other people, even if was just a hello as we passed.
T, I think the whole point of Maria’s blog is that if this one suddenly disappears, those of us that want to keep in touch can do so. Please at least bookmark it in case we need it. I would hate to lose touch. Maybe I need to get out more… 😮
P.S. Maria, you would never know that English is not your first language!
Maria, don’t know what to say. I don’t want you to be hurt but if the number of comments left on the embers of this blog is withering there is no reason to suppose it will be any different on a new blog.
T, I’m not hurt. You write where and when you like.
Maria, big misunderstanding. All I was trying to say was comments are decreasing and I think it would get worse bearing in mind people have to know about or realise there is a new blog – and some won’t.
T, I got it.
And it’s also somewhere else for the four of us, plus any others, to go if this blog should suddenly disappear. So bookmark it now and I’ll hopefully see the rest of you over there if it comes to it! 🙂
I’ve bookmarked it in case.
I have taken early retirement and spent the last few months readjusting my life but have just signed up to a temping agency and asked for receptionist jobs. I am going to have to do some more agencies though as my expenditure is greater than my income and while it was ok for a while, I have a few holidays and music festivals coming up that I need to be able to pay for.
I have played more ukulele and made more ukulele friends and we have been asked to play a ‘gig’.
Been a volunteer at a film event.
Installed a wood burning stove in my conservatory (which is where me and my ukulele friends gather at the weekends and play our stuff).
Take a daily morning walk to get fresh air and exercise.
Have been visiting all my friends round the country I never used to get to see very often as I was working.
Played the piano in public.
Now it’s time to stop procrastinating though and get a job which I have to say seems to be quite daunting – having worked for decades in a well paid job, it is amazing how quickly you feel de-skilled and unwanted when not working, so it must be awful to actually be unemployed and trying to look for work. Let’s see what happens next and where my life will go.
Wow Fi, I had no idea you were an artist.
Jobs are very difficult to find here in Portugal, much more so if you’re over 35, no matter how skilled you are. That’s why I’ve never left mine; besides the pay is not bad compared to most jobs around here.
Fiona, what to say? Imagination rampant.
Sorry if I’ve given the impression that Im anything more than pretty rubbish 🙂
I think I mentioned before I had taken up the ukulele, a very simple instrument to learn by the way, and having more time on my hands as the result of having retired, I have been able to practice quite a bit. My friends and I aren’t very good but to people who don’t play we sound impressive.
Basically I have no mortgage, a small pension, and you’re a long time dead so I thought I might as well have some fun.
That’s me too: no mortgage, small pension, and a desire to live without stress. My passion is walking, which has been hampered by all the illness I had last year. Yesterday, I managed 4 flat miles. No distance at all for me in the past, it knocked the stuffing out of me, but I have a sense of achievement today 🙂
Good for you, Ethel. I walk a lot too because I’ve never bothered to get a driver’s license.
Hi
Just nudging this blog on by one – can’t leave it sitting on “the number of the Beast”. That would be too much of a Revelation , so to speak.
Bye
A Sense of achievement Ethel is really what it’s all about. 🙂
I am upset.
The summer neighbours, the swallows, are not here.
In three years we have gone from three families to one last year to none today. Bah. Great entertainment through the summer.
Odd because they had two good broods last year. But no mums and dads. No bambinos.
Mind, everything is going down the pan. The badger huggers have put paid to the ground nesting birds. No lapwings any more. And the hedgehogs. And the leverets.
Big fuss here about badger killers. All my neighbours hate them and they are turning up dead (the badgers) all over the place.
I have only seen one hare on my ground since Christmas. Five years ago I could catch four pairs in the car headlights come a March night. I have seen just one lonely hare since Christmas.
Minor bit of good news: the rabbits are back. The bad news: bet the myxi gets them before October.
I have to come clean – I’m one of the (many?) ghostly voyeurs who’ve followed this blog almost from the beginning, but not made any comments. Well, I made two comments about 3 years ago but that hardly counts. I’ve dipped in and out of Plankton’s last comment over the last year, hoping to see more from her, but it was only yesterday (duh) I noticed there were almost 700 comments. So I started reading them – it took a couple of hours – and it was brilliant to see the P-fan stalwarts carrying on regardless, despite the lack of Plankton. I hesitate to use the word ‘entertained’, as these are your lives, but it was compulsive reading until the last comment.
Whether or not you eventually meet up I’d love to read on and see how everything pans out for you all. And if Scott and Lydia ever returned, well, the team would be complete!
I’m saving the link to womenlovethemorleavethem.wordpress.com
in case things come to a grinding halt here. In the interests of sharing, I’m 53, terminally single, no kids and just bobbing along in life….
Why hello and welcome 🙂
I read them too sometimes, particularly the older posts and sometimes I find myself chortling along because some of the comments are so funny. And I suppose they are also a record of our lives.
Please feel free to join in – you could start by asking T Lover what’s the latest with his on again/off again lady friend. Just because I want to know 🙂
Hello TT, and welcome from another terminally single, child free, bobber 🙂
Hi Fi, lovely to hear from you! I’m first going to work out how I can change my profile from Tiller the cat to the real person that I am (Jude), then I’ll come back…..
Fiona, you are funny.
What’s going on with the on/off girlfriend? No idea.
I just don’t know what to say. No time to think things through.
Just waiting to pull supper out of the oven. Pissed on half a glass of red. Sex drive has fallen off a cliff. Constantly full of a cold. Become seriously cynical about the human race. No sign of the builder and my stolen central heating boiler. Hair out control. Short of money. No real dosh crossed the office threshold for weeks. Worst of all – for a vain old git – looking seriously older.
Desperate to get a grip and move to Scotland. But I love my son to bits and I am putting 225 miles between us. Told my daughter to ‘eff off.
Oh BTW – you should not have taken redundancy.
Anything else you want to know? Bah.
Well have you still got one? Is it the same one or a new one? Have you forgiven her for her involvement with the teacher?
Why did you say that to your daughter? When are you moving up?
Daughter. Met in pub. Went OK. Just felt as though I did not know her – it would have been seven years come August since we had spoken.
Then she came to the house for a meal. Seemed to go OK.
Then I never heard, not even a “thank you” text. I sent her a message to say her husband seemed very nice – which he did – but there was no response.
Then I asked if they wanted to go for fish and chips. There is a quirky shop nearby where you can sit down. No, her husband was too tired.
So I left it at that, waited for her. But nothing.
Then one Saturday (three weeks ago?) she turns up at the house with her Mother and her Mother’s boyfriend. Mother and daughter go riding. This sort of thing infuriates me – but this is another story. Daughter never knocks on the door to say hello, I thought she could have telephoned up front to say she was coming, any chance of a brew but there we are.
Later I was outside collecting logs for the fire when they arrive back. Saw her outside by chance. All I got was “hello” and a big grin. All she got was eff off.
The next day she bombarded me with text messages 75% of which were immature rubbish. I had to explain to the girl in simple terms that she was so far up her Mother’s exhaust I could only see her feet and that this was my home, the place where I live and I expected some respect.
She told me she preferred her Mother’s boyfriend to me to which I replied she was welcome – they had so much in common – example neither of them could spell.
And that was that. The shutters have gone up again and are going to stay up. And now, unless someone asks, I don’t think about her, fret, whatever any more which is fine by me. There are a lot of nice people around, why do I have to have her for a daughter?
And Fiona, do NOT tell me I have done the wrong thing. I am free.
Move to Scotland. Several things have happened. One: ran out of folding to finish the place. Two the wife’s application for a financial order. Three, the winter. Easier to get the place sorted when the days are warm and longer. Plus the fact my pothead builder stole from me and we have parted on bad terms.
I am going up this next week for the first time since November.
The GF. I am on my own at the moment but only because she is away. There is no doubt I have been changing mentally and physically and my attitude to having a woman in tow has changed over the past six months. Same relationship pattern. She is fine then she turns cowy for a few days then I blow then the circle starts again.
The bloke she was seeing when we split wouldn’t let go for quite a while but, touch wood, he has now disappeared.
That’s that in as few words as I can manage. War and Peace wasn’t it?
I wasn’t going to say you were wrong . I was going to commend you for giving it one last shot. At least you know now where you stand. I will come down to Coldstream one of these visits of yours
You’d better.
OK, seeing if I’ve managed to sort out this name thing. Hi Ethel – another 50-something bobber, eh?
Oops, sorry Ethel, not a good start giving you an age there 😕 too presumptious of me.
That’s ok, Jude. I am still fifty-something, but not for much longer… 😉 The sad thing is, I still feel 22 at times.
So, T Lover, you’ve left us in suspense here. (Prompted by Fi) I am dying to know what is happening with your girlfriend – are you able to divulge? I have visions of one of those times when you were typing away to this blog, believing her to be ‘downstairs making coffee’, when she’d actually crept upstairs and was peering over your shoulder – then all hell ensued, and you’ve not been able to come back since. I do hope not.
I realise this is a personal question, and if this was the real world it’d be bloody cheeky of me to ask, but its not so I will. Please put my mind at rest. Many thanks.
No chance tonight, none. Now broken into the chocolate buttons and necking the rest of the red.
mmmmmmmm. chocolate buttons and red wine. mmmmmmmmmm
Buttons and wine – two major food groups, nothing wrong with that.
Hold the front page……one pair of swallows have arrived.
I’ve told them off for being two weeks late and for worrying me.
Wow…is this still going on. Anyway, glad to see everyone is still here discussing the plight of singledom. Found this website really good…even helped me with an OU course I was doing.
Anyway, anybody here ever thought about dressing really slutty – you know, high heels, short skirt, no undies (whoops) to get the man of your dreams (or nightmares come to that) Like there is a big mature slut lady scene out there. I know co I’m getting right into it !! And with that I think I better be off !! Byeeee !!
Thanks for that Chris – Where do you go for that? Can we catch men while we are doing our supermarket shopping? And if so is there a supermarket you can recommend? Or will the library or coffee/cake shops do? Just wondering whether we can fit this into our lives as we operate at the moment or is there some particular “Big Mature Slut Lady Scene” you can recommend for us?
And how do men know we aren’t wearing any knickers? Do we have to do a lot of bending over in our short skirts?
Any advice gratefully received
Hilarious, Fi! Thanks 😀
OMG!!8O
Hi Fi…wow…activity, I thought this place was completely dead !! Ye olde Plankton certainly seems to given up !!
Yup, in answer to your query. It is completely essential you do loads of bending over in your short skirt to advertise your lack of underwear. As a woman only you can know how dumb and obvious men are, and unless you ‘stick it in their face’, so as to speak, they will never notice you are not wearing any knickers !!
Big Mature Slut Lady scene ?? Oh, trust me, I bet there is one. You obviously do not know the rather idiosyncratic tastes of men very well. Actually, that was something that struck me when I used to read this blog many moons ago. If you want men, tune into what they like. You’d be surprised !! And if you don’t want men, well, no harm done.
Now then, location. Well, that is the beauty of slutdom, it is non prescriptive. Sluts tend to spurn fashion dictates and ‘role models.’ Actually, they probably don’t have much to do with plankton cos, trust me, these ladies, no matter what size or shape, are ever sexually invisible !! I guess you could practice the art wherever you please, though I have to say the cake shop sounds rather nice um, ‘two cream horns please.’ Library could be good too, just spend lots of time inspecting titles on the bottom shelf. By the way, 5in heels are a must.
Can you fit this into your lives the way you operate at the moment? How the hell should I know? Ummm, that sounds a little negative to me. Thing is, if you are enthusiastic about something you make time for it.
Wow, I have enjoyed writing this little homily so much I might start me own ‘I love Sluts’ blog, a kind of homage to sluts. Guess I could call it ‘Slutus Non Planktonus’. Gives it a kind of classy classical feel, don’t you think.
Whoops, sorry, typo !! What I really meant to say was ‘these ladies, no matter what size or shape, are NEVER sexually invisible. And yes, I know the 5 in heels are prescriptive, but with regards to everything else the only rule unwritten at that, is ‘less is more’ !!
Have a nice day !!
Thanks for the suggestions Chris. I am going out shopping to Tesco very shortly so I will take heed and remove my pants and bra before I go and spend a lot of time raking in the bottom of the freezer cabinets for frozen parsnips, courgettes etc and any other suggestively shaped objects.
I definitely think you should start your own SlutBlog – if only T Lover had had your innovative approach we might all have our very own men by now.
Fi, you’re guaranteed to come home with a pair of frozen nipples at the very least! 😀
@Ethel 😀
Am I in trouble again?
“if only T Lover had had your innovative approach …”
Er YES!!!! Why didn’t you tell us about the bending over without any pants in the supermarket trick? We could all have had boyfriends by now
What? I go to a supermarket, commando. Tie my shoelace in the frozen horseburger aisle and you get a boyfriend?
I THINK that’s how it works 😆
It’s VE Day.
Nanook, Nanook your tea’s ready.
What’s for supper tonight, darling?
Vera Lynn special.
Oh no, not Whale meat again.
Ok, that went down like a lead balloon so here’s another to make you groan.
What do you call a cannibal that ate your father’s sister?
Anteater.
And a cannibal that ate your mother in law?
Gladiator
😀
😀
😀
See Fi, Ethel’s livened up already. Any way, listen. Am just in the middle of finishing me last dreary assignment in order that might gain my completely useless OU degree which I just did for a laugh ! So I had to amuse meself somehow. Having said that…ummm….frozen nipples…got me thinking there Ethel.
As for poor old T Lover…I empathise. I been through loads of crap like that. Divorce, not invited to daughters wedding etc. You know, all the usual old rubbish people go through. And it got me down for a while. But in the end I had so much of it I got fed up, and that is how I have arrived at where I am today. Enjoy meself and to hell with it. Never care what other people think, have a laugh, and just do and say what makes you happy. Because, lets face it, who knows what’s round the corner ?
Hope you have a good time in Tescos…their last remaining customer !
Hi Chris – I’d love to chat but for some reason I”m sitting in the manager’s office waiting for the police to arrive!!!!
Liar liar, yer pants on fire oh no, forgot, your not wearing any, are you …hahaha…..more like sat on the managers lap methinks !!
For T – just because you wondered where Lydia had gone. Here she is in the Times, see if you can spot which one is her:
“EnglishRose 10 hours ago
No, I’ve never liked alcohol and I don’t drink so don’t tar us all with the same brush…..
gammo siuwong 8 hours ago
@EnglishRose This will fall on deaf ears, I have no doubt. But it’s not always about YOU (Repeat 1,000 times).
Not about your wonderful high power career, achieving children, equality in household chores, private Caribbean island etc etc. She talks about women in general. If she had to mention every individual woman in the UK it might be a little lengthy. “
When I started internet dating I was naive – very.
I used to hate hooking up with someone who was in it not to make a relationship but the sort who would lead you along and then disappear. Lots of women obviously had a screw loose.
I didn’t want to meet hundreds of women – just to hook up with one I really liked.
Lydia used to wind me up like a piano wire. I am still convinced she is a him or two hims taking the pish, but either way if I could press a button and eject her into outer space I would.
There were lots of nice people who commented. I suppose the odd one who wasn’t so nice – added spice – but it is the nice people I wonder about. Where is Dan? Bambi? The disappeared – there are lots of them.
T, sadly there are plenty of men on dating sites like that too. I wish people (not specifically men or women) would just be honest on their profiles and say that they are not looking for anything serious. But I suppose that would spoil it for the ‘players’ and they’d only have each other to mess around.
I too didn’t want to meet hundreds of men, just one who was right for me and me right for him. There seemed to be too many ‘serial first daters’ – again both male and female. And too many being over-picky about what they wanted or could expect to attract.
Lydia? Definitely a man I’d say.
I too would love to hear again from the lady lawyer in New York and the lady in Australia. Can’t remember their names but always enjoyed reading their posts.
@Ethel Hi there — this is the “lady lawyer in New York” checking in for the first time in months, only to see myself referenced in your latest comment, and to see that many of you (except for Lydia, thank God — she was so exhausting) have kept up the conversation. Nothing new here. Still plugging along at the soul-destroying but outwardly “successful” career, and numbly resigned to the rest of it. Hope you’re all well.
Miss Bates, Miss Bates, where have you been when I need you most?
Four weeks after we split six years ago the cow I married went with her Mother to have the Mother’s will changed in favour of my kids.
Mother now died, wife has applied for a financial order claiming she has received Felicity Arkwright from her Mother.
Son is in turmoil. His mother has told him not to tell me anything. He does not want to be disloyal, he has told me and admitted it’s a con designed to get a better settlement from me. He is keeping the money warm for his Mother.
Lad is really upset because he has been propelled into something he knows is dishonest. Daughter? Well she is made in her mother’s image.
Any wonder I will never get married again?
Looking on the bright side – your son sounds a good guy
It’s better than that.
He is the nicest you will ever meet – everyone says so.
And the two of us are setting off in a minute for Scotland…we enjoy one another’s company.
Better still, I think I can catch the wife out in her lie. If I can I will get a settlement because she isn’t going to want to tell the Judge why she has mislead the Court is she?
Hello T Lover: Sounds like a rather transparent, and not uncommon, ploy. Should be relatively easy to prove, provided your son is willing to submit a sworn statement or testify. Your wife is a rotten person to put him in that position.
Cheers. I am clued up enough to know that inheritances received seven years after separation will not, in the UK, drop into the matrimonial pot.
In my case, what the wife has done is relevant because: one, it is another example of her deceit and greediness. Two, in dividing family assets the last consideration on the statutory checklist is “fairness” so, she would have to persuade a judge it would be fair to take my financial pants down when, at the same time, she is sitting on a stash. Third, if I can catch her out in a lie she will not want to go to court which has two knock on effects. It will get my boy off the hook and I might get a better deal.
Finally, the wife and her (not got a pot to pee in but I am having as much as I can of yours) boyfriend will be a gilt edged reminder never to get involved with a woman again.
Anyway, when are you going to meet us all in the Besom? Fiona is party secretary in 2015 and I am going to pay Maria’s air fare. One way of course as, having exerienced the Besom, she won’t want to go home.
T, thanks very much for paying my plane ticket, but where the hell is the Beson? Some misterious whimsical place in Scotland, I guess.
Specsavers for you dear.
It’s BESOM. AKA a broom or as Wikidpedia would have it “In Scotland, “besom” (pronounced “bih-zum”) may be used to refer to a particularly annoying person or naughty child.”
This Besom is a pub in the Borders – a pub in which on a cold day you can toast your bum against the fire.
T – have you been to Lindisfarne at all? It’s just around the corner from you.
Lindisfarne is somewhere I’ve wanted to visit for a long time. It’s too long a drive from down south though!
MissBates, lovely to hear from you with your update.
Well that’s weird… I posted and it hasn’t appeared…
Yes and no. Sort of. I drive across to Bamburgh (above and below) and walk the dogs on the beach but I have never been over to the islands.
hi – nice to hear that you’re still pottering along MissBates. 🙂
And now it has appeared. Odd.
And even weirder -it has appeared before T’s post of yesterday!
i’ve been camping in Wooler and stopped off in Coldstream for coffee and cake on the way. And walked across the sand to Lindisfarne when the tide was out. it was lovely.
Fi, I’m very envious! 🙂
Ethel, I suppose I am lucky – I never stop moaning about everything – but for the last three decades I have lived in the Peak District National Park. Up a hill. Half a mile from the nearest road. Panoramic views.
Trouble is the Peak Park is sandwiched between conurbations and at times there are people everywhere.
The Borders, that area of north east England conjoined to south east Scotland is in a different way even more beautiful but with the added bonus – it is underpopulated.
The pull of the area is typified by the Who’s Who of moneyed people who live in, for example, in the Tweed valley. There are at least three Dukes for a start: Roxburgh, Buccluech and Sutherland.
Don’t get me wrong, I know I am name dropping but only to illustrate the draw of a terrific and historic area.
Coldstream is a down market border town which cannot hold a candle to Kelso or Melrose. But if you enjoy British history (after Flodden the Scots retreated across the river at Coldstream) and beautiful views there is so much to do not to mention Edinburgh which is only a spit away, one of Europe’s most civilised cities.
The beaches Fi mentions are spot on so much so they used to be favourites for advertisers. You know the sort of thing, horse galloping along pristine sand.
Notice: Fi has tea and cake in Coldstream. Never came to see T Lover.
T, you’ve made me even more envious now! I had to make do with the Darent Valley yesterday – still very beautiful, just not as spectacular.
I checked the distance from my home to Lindisfarne. About 350 miles and a solid 6 hours of driving, without any ‘comfort stops’. That would be a nice adventure for me. Maybe one day.
And I promise, if I am ever going to be ‘up your way’, I will treat you to tea and cake 🙂
AGES ago T. Post on here when you move up and I will come and see you then 🙂
Ye Gods, this has turned into a travelogue now !! ‘Citing !!
Ummm…anybody else think this has died a death now ? Seems like Plankton has been ‘outed’ in the press, and indeed your Prophet seems herself to have ‘moved on’, leaving her acolytes to mourn. Methinks this really is the dying of the light ! Yet no doubt the search for the elusive ‘quality man’ goes on !!
There’s only us saddos left, raging against the dying of the light. Outed in the press? Really? Tell us more as I hadn’t heard that. I’m not sure that any of us left are looking for men (can’t speak for t obviously – he may be) but I do think we are using this as a meeting space for chats
What Fi said ^
Cheeky madam. I’ve NEVER dropped my anchor in Pooh Bay.
Whoops, Fi, sorry my mistake. No, she has not been outed. But she seems to have retired
Has she been outed in the press?
No she ain’t, my mistake…but you gotta allow for that, I am only a man after all …hahaha
What a nightmare. First divorce hearing yesterday.
I am frightened, not just for me, but for as all. I know it works both ways but how stupid can this system be?
She has never had a proper job. I know looking after children is a proper job but I mean money wise. So our first three homes I bought. With cash from my first marriage. The house in which I now am is not a lot London wise but is worth a few bob. I bought it. It’s in joint names.
My Mother left the wife around £200k. She has blown it.
She is with a bloke who, after a life in the forces and an inheritance from his Mother now has …. nothing. She has bought him a horse. They are taking both kids and their spouses to Italy this summer.
She has a little part time job and earns £6,500.00 a year. Last year she spent – just a minute I am getting wet eyes – £39,500.00.
And then there is this business of her Mother changing her will. Her brother has refused to disclose the papers to the court. The judge observed: speaks for itself.
And then money we could both do with is being spent on lawyers. We are Derbyshire. Her Solicitor is Tonbridge. Yes Tonbridge. 250 miles away. She travelled to Manchester for the day. She also used a London Barrister. Who is paying for that? She can’t work out she is spending more on lawyers than the money she is fighting for. Stupid, stupid cow.
And what about the kids? Spending at £40k a year earning £6,500.00 money. You hope your kids will inherit. She is throwing family money down the lavvy.
Will I ever marry again? Ho, ho.
Stupid woman. I think she will at least have to pay her legal costs out of any settlement so you may have some small satisfaction that she won’t be left with nearly as much as she wants by the time she has forked out for her London barrister/expensive solicitors. Maybe you should think about taking up meditation to help you through the coming weeks/months as otherwise I imagine you will become so enraged at what is going to happen that you will put yourself in danger of a stroke.
Last Friday I my son called a 999 ambulance and I was taken to Stepping Hill. BP top line in the ambulance 230.
Funnily enough, I don’t think it was anything to do with the missus. I have regular BP checks which show my BP is stable.
Oddly, I have started to feel sorry for the wife. Her best friend was made bankrupt albeit some time ago and the 55 year old bloke she is with has lost everything. She is not worldly wise. I can see if she carries on like this she will end up in a mess and my kids are going to be the losers in the long term.
See you in the Borders soon? Need to give the place a big hit.
Let me know when you’re up then and provided you haven’t had a stroke/heart attack from the strain of being infuriated by women and their womenliness (which as we know is not the calm rational manliness that you value) then yes I will come and say hello.
I used to think it wasn’t possible to be on your own. You are honest, wouldn’t knowingly harm anyone.
If a neighbour is on his/her own give them a call. Come round for a drink. Supper.
I feel lonelier today than I have ever done in my 99 years. For once I just feel as though I am alone trying to hold back the tide.
I know I am feeling sorry for myself. But when things start to look black it is bloody awful.
I went fishing with an (older) friend on Tuesday. He arrived second. Walked up to the desk and asked the girl: has my mate arrived? Vascular dementia. How short is life?
What has happened to upset you?
Nice of you to ask but by the time I had finished moaning you would need a stronger bra.
Just debating whether to spend a few nights in the office – all night – just to catch up. What a treat.
Libido has crept away.
No enthusiasm for anything. My first wife and her husband are supposed to be here for a meal on Saturday. Now, just sitting here thinking: can I face it? Me and those two.
Tomorrow, I’ll put up a Gmail address.
eMail me at Planktonmale@gmail.com.
Funnily, plankton@ and planktonmail@ were in use.
Oh heck, T, you should have put some spaces in that email address. It’ll be picked up by every spammer on the internet – you’ll be inundated with offers of Viagra and emails telling you your bank account is about to be suspended!
Are you going to email him? I have so it looks like there’s no going back 🙂
Fi, I took the invite to email T as being towards you only…
*Sigh* I feared this day might come. You’re all going to do a Jack Bauer (go dark) on us, aren’t you?
😦 is that a sulky face, can’t tell, too small to see it’s eyes on my phone.
This is the man who every so often asks if we can all meet up so I think that includes you too. 🙂
Jude, I agree, I don’t want to see everyone disappear from here, or the other blog that Maria kindly set up. And we don’t know who else is still reading, even if they don’t wish to comment.
Fi, I doubt it somehow. T rarely seems to reply to me when I make comments to him. Do you, T? And since I’m way dahn souf, Scotland is a tad too far.
I’m still here and not going anywhere. 🙂
Having been told where T currently lives (in England) I can advise he is no further than a two/two and a half hour train journey from London.
I’m glad you’re not leaving us, F 🙂
Travel on a train? Eeek! I gave up being squashed in with the great unwashed when I gave up work almost five years ago. Can’t say I miss it. Anyway, I’m about an hour on the other side of London, so would make for a long journey with several changes for me. One much prefers to get in one’s new car and just drive 😉
Ethel,
Do not be paranoid. And your new car will be knackered by the time it has been up our half mile of potholes.
It’s 1 hr 40 mins to Macc by train. But Macc is 35 mins away by car.
T, just because you could not be arsed to reply to me doesn’t make me paranoid :p
And you don’t have the monopoly on potholes. We got plenty of the blighters down here.
35 minutes to Macclesfield from where? Not London and certainly not Kent!
Ethel,
You are paranoid.
It’s 35 minutes to here from Macclesfield. Blame Fiona for setting that hare running.
I used to chip in with the odd comment.
Could I ask what happened to the person who started this, please? I always thought that she would write one last update, hopefully positive, then bid us farewell.
Who knows. My thinking is that after couple of years of writing about how awful her dating life was, dwelling on the negative side of life all the time, she gave up writing for the sake of her sanity. And is probably a much happier person for it.
J, I also hoped we would get one last update from Plankton, but she’s just abandoned us.
This`eMail business and getting together has me worrying – think I’ll pull the address.
The only person who knows your address is me, and I shall delete your email immediately and you can delete mine too. There – problem solved. 🙂
Now who’s being paranoid… 😀
And there was us thinking that it was the WOMEN in T’s life that were inconsistent and erratic 😀
Too funny, Fi 😀 Neighbours now wondering what I’m laughing about.
Now you’re being rotten.
I thought….
…it would be interesting to meet or at least talk to some of the people who have been in this oddball form of contact but that ain’t going to happen is it?
So what’s the point of putting any effort into trying?
T – have you even drinking? 🙂
Bugger off.
I’m in the office. I wish I had. I could do with a large meths.
I got home around 10. One of my pups did a runner. Just after 11 I stopped looking. Had my grub and went to bed in a sleeping bag on the kitchen floor leaving the back door open in case she came back on her own.
My first ex wife and her husband were supposed to be coming round for a meal tonight and because I could not raise them on the phone I drove over with a note to say I would like to put it off for a week.
Then I drove to work (25 miles) because an electrician needed access to my next door building. I have a tenant I cannot afford to lose and he is screaming to be in.
So, here I am clearing my very untidy desk and am pleased to announce that as I have cleared the layers of paper I have found a seam of mouse crap.
I have also been wondering about another sortie into internet dating and six months ago had spotted a profile I rather fancied. So I just had a quick peep to see if she was still there but had added more information which made it clear she had plenty of folding and was looking for a bloke who also had plenty so they could afford wonderful things together.
Not me luv. So internet dating has been abandoned again.
That’s it. And I did pull the eMail account.
How do you know it’s not going to happen? You haven’t even invited anyone yet apart from me, and now you’re backing out of that. I’d be up for meeting folk i think.
But you said you wanted things to remain anonymous so how was that going to work? We all wear bags on our heads?
“And there was us thinking that it was the WOMEN in T’s life that were inconsistent and erratic”
For the record, I was never under the illusion that it was that way round 🙂
You can bugger off too.
cackle 🙂
Cackle? There’s a funny thing. As I was walking back upstairs I could see you all sitting round a cauldron.
I know. It is obviously t that is mental 🙂 but I was being polite. So basically, if I wanted to email him again I can’t as he has deleted the account. God imagine how stressful it would be dealing with him on a day to day basis – changing his mind all the time. Aaaargh!!!!
You, a woman, are having a go at me for changing my mind?
I think you have demonstrated that when it comes to inconsistent and erratic behaviour and changing your mind, men are the winners not women. In fact you have single handedly demonstrated that stereotype applies torn not women. Even more in fact zoe Ethel and I are the epitome of rationality.
It takes two seconds to set up a Google (or Hotmail) account so if it was such a good idea why don’t you set one up?
And you have all the detail you need if you want to get in touch (but not vice versa) so what’s your beef?
Fiona, now it’s my turn. You been drinking?
Er…..maybe………
Am out with friends and it does involve wine 🙂
You are just a bunch of bullies having a go at a poor defenceless male.
Defenceless? Yeah right. Funny how it’s also the ones who like to dish it out that are the first to complain when it’s turned back on them! Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones!
Always, not also
Oh, that’s a cracker.
First, you moan because you (mistakenly) think I ignore you. Second, you have another pop saying I dish it out but can’t take it. Third you have a pop saying I blow hot and cold because I changed my mind about the eMail account set up with a view to getting together. Then you have cold feet about getting together.
But you are right there is no real chance of meeting because no-one will take the chance of travelling only to arrive uncomfortable and disappointed.
I am beginning to feel like a bloke at the Womens Institute – wondering what the hell I am doing here.
I wish someone at WordPress or wherever it is would pull the plug.
Christ T. If I didn’t know better I’d say you were a menopausal woman. You have mood swings, you’re inconsistent, you’re reactive and touchy and you perceive slights all the time, you can’t take a joke, feel sorry for yourself and change your mind constantly. Add real menopausal women into the mix and I’m amazed nobody has been stabbed to death to be frank.
If you don’t want to comment or read the blog then stop doing so. Instead of wanting the blog shut down to prevent anybody else enjoying it just because you aren’t (at this exact moment in time although in ten minutes time you probably will again). Take up meditation.
Trouble with the instant over the net comment ins that you can’t see the face. You have no idea whether the comment is made with a smile or serious.
I can take the ribbing, don’t worry.
Thing is though that I am back at work again today trying to avoid the thing I am here for viz work.
And whilst at those times when I really have been down the blog has been a help, a way to vent feelings I somehow seem to have moved on.
Largely the things people write are friendly but just amount to chit chat.
It seems odd that people who correspond in the manner of friends know nothing about each other. So, I wonder why I am doing it.
Add in the fact I am pretty much the only bloke amongst a bunch of women and I begin to wonder what the hell I am doing.
When I said I wish someone at WordPress would pull the plug I meant: and stop me carrying on this oddball virtual relationship with anonymous strangers. Rather like dogging but without the sex.
If I told friends what I do – make comments on this blog – they would think I was barking. And beyond hope if the knew what I said.
@Fi. Shame. I thought a memorable summer house party was taking shape.
Oh me too. I’d like to meet you guys I think. 🙂
Not sure I’d be up for a house party. That could be horrendous if we didn’t like each other! I’d be up for a meet somewhere, but realistically I think we all live too far apart.
yeah you’re probably right. Although I’m not sure why we wouldn’t like each other as we probably know each other quite well by now.
And I was so looking forward to being carried round in your handbag.
And sitting on your knee whilst you strummed your ukelele.
So, Miss Fiona, why didn’t you get in touch when you had the chance?
I think it’s like internet dating. There are lots of women who just want some sort of human contact, ar happy to chit vhat over the net but real contact – no.
Where’s Maria?
I’ll try that again. Rice in the keyboard.
I think it’s like internet dating. There are lots of women who just want some sort of human contact, are happy to chit chat over the net but real contact – no.
Where’s Maria
Hey T! How are you doing? More cheerful today? Have you found a new girlfriend yet?
I’m fine, school year is over and I won’t see those wretched brats again till mid September. Yayyy!!
It’s bloody scorching here in the north of Portugal!
Always cheerful, ha ha, Hope you are OK. Girlfriend? Who wants one of those?
You do. What happened to the old one? I thought you had solved things out.
In London.
Not easy – just seem to have so much to do we were both constantly wound up.
Oh dear…things round here now seem to have descended into tetchiness…how unattractive. T Lover…what are you blethering on about? I gather you are a bit stressed at the moment…but don’t be so anti-woman…its all rather inelegant…mind you, can’t remember last time I met an elegant lady in the UK…they all seem to be in to tattoos and the BBW thing now !! Anyway, hi folks…and smile !!
And where the hell has that pesky Plankton got to ??…deserting all her little Plankonites…it not never ever never right !!
Off today for a few days in Milport. Lashing winds and gales. Excellent Scottish summer weather
You around a week tomorrow/Tuesday?
ah well no – I’m working now. I know I said I took early retirement, but after 6 months of being unmotivated and gradually sleeping in longer and staying up later, I signed up to a temping agency and got placed on a 4 week contract in an office. Then after 3 weeks they offered me a short term contract of 7 months to cover another woman’s maternity leave. So that’s what I’m doing now. Am around at the weekends – although not the next few – but during the week I’m working again. Supplementing my pension and thinking about my next holiday 🙂
Sorry. Feel a bit of a plonker for asking now. Don’t know why.
Perhaps it;s for the best. It was going to be a flying visit with an electrician and plasterer.
Fi, you missed work? *the mind boggles*
I hate mine and can’t wait to leave it for good.
T – make it one weekend when you’re up and I will try to come along.
Maria – I’m really not missing work, but I was missing the income. What I’d like ideally is for me to be offered a part time job at the end Of this contract. So I have some extra cash but still have spare time as at the moment I have none. The job is ok though – the people are great and it is still a novelty. I would be depressed if I thought I had to do it for another 20 years but a few more months is ok. Anyway I’m sure something will turn up then as it usually does – what’s for you won’t go by you etc etc 👍
Tumbleweed ………
(where’s everybody gone?)
I’m still here.
So am I. Where’s T?
Where have you all gone? I read this blog avidly a few years ago and popped by yesterday to see if Plankton had ever added anything. I got completely immersed in reading all your comments. Where is T Lover? Where is Fi? have they set up a hippy retreat centre in T Lover’s remote hillside house? Did T Lover sell up and go to Portugal? Are he Maria running a vineyard in the Portuguese hills? What became of his histrionic girlfriend? I feel like I have been reading a novel only to discover the last chapter has been ripped out!
Haha. Funnily enough I was wondering the same thing and thought it was time for a catch up with everyone. Just running out the door to work – got a but bored after taking early retirement and signed up to a temp agency – but I will give an update when I get home. Hopefully T and Maria and everyone else will drop in and give one too 😃
I look forward to the update! I should introduce myself: aged 50, widowed for 16 years, my focus was on bringing up my children, I now live alone. I work full time. I lead a mostly quiet life – work that I enjoy but that tires me somewhat, countryside walking and enjoyment of nature, plenty of reading, time with friends and family and the occasional city break for the enjoyment of art and architecture. Not very exciting, but contented! I enjoyed the blog and the responses. I particularly enjoyed Plankton’s angry, witty writing style. I do wonder what happened and suspect perhaps the blog was work-related and the work came to an end, or perhaps she was rumbled by someone she had been writing about. Who knows … I’m just speculating. Now, of course, after reading all these comments, I am even more curious about those who have been commenting! Especially T Lover, as I get the impression he was very honest in his writing, presenting himself warts and all and ready to take the flak. I was really hoping that some of you would meet up! But, I must of course remember – this isn’t novel, much as it felt like one to read! The ends are not going to be going to be tied up neatly for the reader/lurker.
Hello! Here is another blog along the same lines (http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/series/mid-life-ex-wife) i.e. middle aged woman in search of a boyfriend, slightly more cheerful than this one (which I find faintly self pitying) but it’s early days. After enough rejections and laying them all out for people to read about and speculate on I daresay even the most determined optimist ends up depressed. And that is what I think happened to P; After 2 years of being rejected or overlooked by men she liked, and chased after only by men she found unappealing, and dwelling on it constantly for the blog’s sake, and realising that things were unlikely to get any better, I imagine she felt she should stop writing it for the sake of her mental health And if so I heartily applaud her. I’m a believer in ignoring unpleasantness rather than dwelling on it. However now I am working to cover someones maternity leave, the women in my office (aged between 28 and 33) have decided that I need to be internet dated myself. And with their vast experience of selling themselves and others, and knowledge of the different audiences of the various websites, they have arranged a team away day to get me dating site ready. I think this involves a fake tan, a variety of tops for me to wear as I post for photos, and they will draft my profile. I am going along with it as it is all quite interesting and I am intrigued – they being young use Tinder, but apparently that isn’t appropriate for me (thank god) and I am being put onto a classier one. With a fake name obviously. Even the woman on maternity leave is coming in for this team building event. So it will be entertaining if nothing else.
Oh excellent! What fun colleagues! Maybe you could start your own blog about your experiences. Or, maybe not!
If anyone shows interest, and you are interested, do meet up! I get the impression T Lover would like to have met you, but he gave up trying.
It’s a brave step, though, to meet someone you have been communicating with online. The build up. So many expectations. The fear of disappointing someone. The worry of having to let someone down if they are eager, but you find they are not what you were hoping for. But there is, of course, the possibility that it will go very well and you will get together with someone. At the very least, it will be an adventure and fun to update your new colleagues as you go along!
I was going to meet T but then he backed out. Probably for the best 🙂
What a great idea, Courtney, Fi’s own blog…..
Fi, I’m loving that new blog, Mid Life Ex Wife, thank you so much for the heads up, it’s my new online addiction…
I’m also impressed with your new colleagues’ enthusiasm for getting you ‘dating site ready’ – what an enterprising bunch! And mega impressed with you for going along with it, fake tan and everything. The day out sounds a lot of laughs and, who knows, could lead to meeting some interesting men. Obviously you’ll have to re-count every single step-by-step moment of any dates to the team, after all, they’re as invested in this as you are. Wishing you lots of luck. Is it too much to ask for you to let us know how you get on?
Ah no – I don’t understand how anyone can write a blog. For a start you’d just run out of material if you had to generate the content yourself, then there’s the fear of becoming boring and repetitive, and the requirement for immense self discipline to sit down and write it. Hats off to anyone who manages. It must be harder than writing a novel as at least with that you get to choose the story and you can re-write what you’ve written. But I will update you on the outcome. We need other people now to tell us what they’ve been up to – I think T needs to update us on the ‘histrionic girlfriend’ (such an apt description) too but also everyone else as well. Where are you? What are you doing now?
I’m thoroughly enjoying midlife ex wife. I wonder if anything will come if the coffee shop man. I had a friend who spent a lot of time flirting with and fantasising about a man she saw regularly in a coffee shop. Sadly for her she eventually saw him at her kids’ school sports day, happily laughing and smiling with his girlfriend, a recently divorced parent at the school. He was playing happy families and cheering his new girlfriend’s son on in the egg and spoon race. My friend was very disappointed as she had turned the whole coffee shop chat into a potential romance in her head. I wonder if bro ng alone can lead us to read things that don’t exist into situations. Can our hopeful imaginations make us run away with our lonely selves?
I’m loving MidLife ExWife too, Courtney. I’m hoping the coffee shop guy will turn into something tangible, although it won’t take much to beat her previous dating experiences by the sound of it. I can’t see any way to leave comments on that blog (although it’s not really a true blog, is it?) as ‘Stella’ could become our new Plankton!
I do agree that our imaginations make us run away with romantic notions. An old boyfriend of mine found me on Facebook and we emailed for a good eight or nine months. He’d been married, was recently separated and it was good catching up with him, reminiscing over old times, filling in the last 30 years and both indulging in a bit of light flirtation. I offered him my mobile number, saying he should call if he was ever in London and we could meet for a drink. He didn’t offer his in return, but I didn’t think much into that as he had mine if he wanted contact. We continued to email, sometimes two or three times a day, until late one night when I received an email from his address, written in a totally different style, saying that this was his wife speaking and I was to back off and not contact him any more, as they’d got back together five months previously and were trying to make a go of it. So, he’d been telling the truth about being separated….just forgot to share the part about getting back together again….hmmm…
Fi, were you actually going to meet T? It seemed, to me, that you were stringing him along a little …
That’s as it was, Courtney. Fi said OK. Tlover bottled. There was a lot of verbal play jousting before – and Tlover bluster after – but bottom line that’s how it played out.
That’s as it was, Courtney. Fi said OK. Tlover bottled. There was a lot of verbal jousting before – and Tlover bluster after – but bottom line that’s how it played out.
And Zoe – where have you been and what have you been up to?
I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago.
The couple had lived together for five years, already had one bambino and another was on the way.
Anyway, the groom stands there at the reception and says: it has taken me five years to work out that ……. and I have nothing whatsoever in common.
There I sat thinking: this boy’s a bit slow, when did blokes start having things in common with women?
Well it didn’t take a genius to work out that we (as many of who had kept in touch via this blog) would not meet in Waitrose or anywhere like it. I thought the thing to do was to have a Skype chat or a conference call but that gem went down like a lead balloon. Quickly followed by the eMail idea. The only taker was our Fi.
I gave Fi my ‘phone number, home address (so she was able to check I was who I was) and waited, waited, waited. Nowt.
So my vision, me down there little short legs, Fi up there on mega heels, freshly (apparently) dipped in creosote as part of her new dating makeover crashed in flames too.
And all for the chance to put a face, a voice to a name.
So, Zoe, how many fingers am I holding up?
Bah.
“where have you been and what have you been up to?”
The yearly update, eh?
This time last year I started seeing someone I had dated when I was 16. I knew it wasn’t right. It wasn’t right all those decades ago and its prospects hadn’t improved. Nonetheless I got somewhat swept up in the romance of it – or, more particularly, by the fact that I could still see the 18 year old in him. I fell under a certain enchantment with the whole time-warp weirdness of it. Until, that is, I woke up three months ago with a middle-aged man with whom I no longer had anything in common.
This weekend I had a friend to stay for the weekend who was in London to visit some art exhibitions.. He was the man to whom I lost my virginity at the age of 19. He was somewhat older than me at the time and is now 70! How the hell did that happen?
Although my rekindled teenage romance would never have worked, it has given me a bit of a taste for an age-appropriate relationship. So I signed up to some proper (i.e. non-toyboy) internet dating. I started a rather promising, if rather studied, conversation with someone my own age. When it came to it though, I couldn’t bring myself to meet him. I have decided not to renew the membership when the month’s up.
Not sure what that means. Maybe I’ll be able to update you next year if I find out….
Whose turn (of the plankton rump) is it now?
I’m interested to know why you found it difficult to meet him, Zoe? I, too, made a bit of a foray into internet dating, but beat a hasty retreat. I did meet one man who, sadly, appeared to have some problems with alcohol – he was shaking, flushed and had that swollen, lumpy nose that comes after years of heavy drinking. He seemed pleasant, but I thought it best not to go there. That’s not what put me off online dating, though; I just felt too shy for the whole thing – and I’m not shy generally. But the thought of being sized up as a potential mate/sexual partner/dating companion/girlfriend or whatever over a brief coffee/drink/dinner just does not appeal whatsoever, and repeated rejections, if they happened, would knock my confidence. I’m just not robust enough for that.
I’ve only ever had relationships with men that I have gotten to know beforehand through mutual friends. Now, I know that luxury is less likely to be available as we get older, but I don’t think I’m capable of fancying a man until I get to know him. If I notice someone who is physically attractive, I just think “so what”. It doesn’t mean anything to me. But if I get to know someone and I really like him as a person, unless he has a face that looks like the back end of a bus and a head the shape of a 1960s television, he’ll probably morph into god’s gift in front of my very eyes! And, if he’s particularly funny and kind, and pretty quiet and bookish and not showy AND looks like the back end of a bus, I’ll quite likely think it’s the most gorgeous back end of a bus I’ve ever seen!
T Lover – what became of your girlfriend? And your house on the hill? And your blood pressure!! And your daughter, and your wife and her horses?
Fi – has the strange and unusual idea for a team day happened yet? I’m sure it was/will be fun – even if getting the more mature colleague into online dating doesn’t meet the overall aims of the organisation (or maybe it does!) Is the new ‘sun kissed’ you online yet? I’ve never really gotten the whole fake tan thing, but when it’s done well it can certainly give the appearance of a healthy glow. It just seems like so much effort, so I’m staying with my pasty complexion (I like to think of it as porcelain, but it’s really just pasty!) Even on holiday I seek shade – hot sunshine makes me feel tired, drained and cross! I am probably seriously lacking in vitamin D!
Any more updates? I’m a latecomer to this gathering, but after reading all of your comments I feel like I ‘know’ some of you a little.
Maybe you lot could still meet up somewhere! Unless, of course, some of you aren’t who you say you are …. It does happen online, I believe .. Or maybe I’ve been watching too many Netflix documentaries.
I am in the far reaches of the west coast of Ireland (a rain soaked climate!, not too much hot sunshine here) so I wouldn’t be in a position to meet in Waitrose or wherever, but maybe that chance has passed anyway.
I wonder what became of Scott and his octopus suit, or jelly fish suit, or whatever it was ….
“I’m interested to know why you found it difficult to meet him, Zoe?
First, what a treat to get a full post, Courtney! I miss the conversations of substance we used to have on here.
Internet dating is a bit of a bear pit, and I think it’s fair enough to treat it with caution as you have chosen to do. My own exercise of caution comes in not putting up a photo. I quite enjoy the process of seeing if I can get someone to want to meet me without one. I reckon that if someone is willing to do that, it says something about their open-mindedness and their values. However, as most people do put up a photo, it tends to mean that I am at a bit of an advantage and, hypocrite that I am, can have my cake and eat it.
In this particular instance, the man in question had not put up a photo and I was in the dark as much as he was. I did not feel I could ask him for a photo as I was not willing to give him one myself, so – putting together the odd random clue as to who he might be – I googled him. Sure enough, I found a photo in which he was tagged. This made me comfortable enough to carry on the conversation. And I looked forward to his messages every morning, which deepened and broadened as we discovered shared intellectual, political and social interests. When we got to the point where it was obvious we would have to meet, he gave me a physical description of himself. But it was nothing like his photo! As by now I was sure I had identified him correctly, the only conclusion was that he had been tagged incorrectly i.e. he was in the photo, but the positions and names had been garbled.
The problem was that he was now no longer the person I had been expecting to meet! That person instantly evaporated….
Now it seems to me that this particular state of unhappy confusion could only have taken place at this particular junction of time and place – internet dating, google, tagging etc etc Combined, of course, with my own absurdities.
But that, Courtney, is why I found it difficult to meet to meet him.
It’s a bit dispiriting, isn’t it Courtney? This talking into the void … !
Remember the old days when we used to have conversations…..
Don’t be dispirited, Zoe! Iwas been helping my niece with her newborn who arrived unexpectedly early. I have been totally absorbed! It’s so wonderful to spend time looking after a new little life! Makes me realise though just how much energy is required. I look back with fondness but am glad those exhausting days are over!
I’m a little confused as to why you didn’t meet the man you got on so well with in correspondence. His description of himself perhaps didn’t fit because he didn’t see himself in the way his photo portrayed him. Is there a slim chance the photos you saw weren’t him?
No, Courtney. The photo was not of him. That was the point. I had constructed an imaginary persona based on half-truths, projections and error.
Yes, don’t be dispirited Fi and Zoe. I’ve had family up for the last 5 days, so busy entertaining/cooking etc and not able to reply until now.
My story is this: I regard myself as ‘professionally’ single, never married, no kids, longest relationship doesn’t ever seem to go beyond five years or so. No idea why, I have a good circle of friends, some have been married for 25 years, some are now divorced, some have always been single. I don’t have halitosis or a total personality bypass. Just never settled for ‘you’ll do’, although does ‘you’re perfect for me’ actually exist? Well, I guess it does as I can see it with a couple of my married friends, although with a couple of others it possibly doesn’t.
I live in London, work in a stressful (what isn’t nowadays) industry that, at the age of 52, I can see quite clearly is ageist, so starting to panic and desperately look around for Plan B. Not come up with anything yet though. So, currently the job issue is my no: 1 priority, not finding Mr Right (which, in all honesty, I’ve probably given up on now as, according to most internet dating sites, anyone my age is only interested in under-30’s, and anyone who has approached me is 10 or more years older and looks ancient and decrepid).
Yes, Jude. I think you reach a certain age as a single person and become most preoccupied by the economics of your situation. I am in a similar position. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if we worked in the same industry!
Zoe, that would be a coincidence wouldn’t it?! But I can’t think of anyone called Zoe in their late-40’s/early-50’s that I know in the fashion industry…
Exactly, Fi. I think I might finally de-link my email … it’s like we’re the last ones who won’t let go of the defibrillator …
i know. But I would quite like to see the faces of the folk I have corresponded with for such a long period of time I guess. Don’t know how we can do it though.
I check in occasionally, when I see that a comment has come in. One thing I don’t understand is why there was never a valedictory post from the Plankton herself, hopefully telling us that her quest was over and that she had met a decent lovely man and was happy – or did she and I missed it?
Personally speaking, although I am still Plankton myself, I’ve decided to live with my singleness and absorb myself in other things. I have just been accepted to do an MA and think that, ultimately, fulfilment is more likely to be found for me in that direction, especially as I realised recently that I no longer find men attractive, to be honest.j
I’m still reading but have been busy planning, packing and going away. I’ve just started a fortnight in a luxury cottage on the coast, a treat to myself after my year from hell last year. I’ve been out walking today in glorious weather. I kept noticing couples walking together but wasn’t at all bothered to be on my own. Like J, men don’t appeal to me any more. So I’m still here, just getting on with my life.
They don’t appeal to me either. I think I would like to have the experience of having someone to share things with, and having someone who thought I was the most important person in their life, and therefore I think what I would like is the EXPERIENCE rather than actually having the man.
Should I set up a closed Facebook group that we could join and post to?
I think we discussed Facebook before and some weren’t keen on giving their identity away? Can’t say I am really. How would you know who you are giving access to? You could be opening the group up to all sorts of trolls and weirdos.
What about Maria’s website that she started up for us?
Must go, got a town to explore and more coastline to enjoy today ☺
Watch out for those middle-aged lecturers, J!! Crumpled, other-worldly, silver foxes, immersed in their ivory towers, surrounded by books and theories!! They might love your mature entusiatic hunger for learning! You might change your mind about no longer finding men attractive!
Dating site update: Had my night with the young ones. They took a number of pictures of me and I have to say they looked excellent. Not me looking excellent, but the photos themselves (good lighting, shadowing, filters etc etc), as befits young women who live their lives on social media. So they posted a profile for me on Plenty of Fish, drafted last night by my team of 3, and by morning I had 7 messages from men. I had a further 5 throughout the day. 2 were pervs and were discarded but I was pleasantly surprised to find that the ones who messaged me were clever, nice and had put a lot of effort into drafting both their profiles and their messages. All incidentally (and surprisingly) saying they were looking for long term relationships. My theory is that older men, having gone through their shagging anything that moves phase, followed by being miserably married and rearing children phase, are now looking for the love of their life phase and have been knocked about enough and learned enough to make the effort and be nice. Maybe this is where we reap the rewards? Don’t know but I will keep you posted.
Interesting, Fi. I think I recall that you were on Plenty of Fish before. Did your previous profile attract a similar response? If not, what was the key difference? One of the reasons I don’t like to post a photo is the general hyper inflation around people’s photos. You don’t feel able to just put up an ordinary one because it would look so drab and dowdy amongst all the shininess – and yet to do anything else just seems dishonest. Anyway, do keep us posted…
You’re right and last time every single one was a perv. I don’t know whether it is because I had a team drafting my profile made me more attractive to the normals, or whether the pervs have still to appear…..
it doesn’t mean anything though does it? It is all make believe. Already I am bored with them.
Having said that though, one of the things that surprised me was how nearly every one of the young women in the office I now work in, aged between 27 and 32, have met their husbands/boyfriends on line! It seems that while there is a slight stigma attached for older people, for the younger ones it is considered and efficient way to meet people without having to hang out in pubs. Which explains their proficiency with the profile and pictures.
Yes, it seems absolutely normal for youngsters. Though in truth I think it’s pretty standard for older people if they’re single too. It’s just that they have more pre-internet coupled up friends so I think that’s where the residual stigma tends to come from. “Already I am bored with them” What do you mean?
Interesting theory on the older, second-or-third-time-around middle aged men, Fi. You’ve almost inspired me to have another go on dating sites. I just need to find a Young Team to supply the makeover package – any chance you can hire yours out?
Well it just seems like so much hard work – the women at work are telling me I have to reply straight away, and thinking of something witty to say (and not managing) is quite hard going. We will see though where it goes, if anywhere. What’s for you will not go by you etc etc. Though I don’t really want to have to present my mutilated and scarred body to anyone so it will probably not go anywhere anyway. 🙂
What is a pervert? What’s wrong with being a perv?
As Woody Allen said: Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right.
Look here you. I do not want to read Henry Halls about your damaged body.
Jude – older men just seem to want someone to be nice to them in their older years and have sex occasionally with. Not too often though as it will involve Viagra. 😉
T – why won’t you tell us what has happened to your girlfriend?
Oh. Hadn’t factored that in 😦
Apparently 40% over 40. This is where T pops up to say he ISN’T one of the 40. Chortle chortle
Waiting with bated breath.
The girlfriend? Told you the preamble before. A very bright, tall, slim, natural blonde. A good conversationalist. Full of anecdotes having had a theatre career.
How is she? She is here now. Up the fields working. I am going to Scotland tomorrow for a couple of days and it’s odds on I won’t see her for a week.
Yesterday, she was brill. Then last night and this morning I have had the other side of the coin. Domineering, has to have the last word. I will fire my gun in the air as I set off in the morning.
So, the answer to the question I think you intended to ask is: we are bumbling along.
But Fiona, you could have found this out (and more) had you not wobbled about meeting. You bottled it.
If I could find a credible reason why a tall, dipped in gravy browning Jock with a fixed dating site smile was swinging on my front door bell you could meet her too. If we last that long. And if you manage to convince yourself I am not a pervie.
Where is Maria?
Hello, everybody. Can’t believe this is still going on. Nothing new here in Portugal. School year started two weeks ago and I’m already longing for next Christmas vacations. I have over than 200 pupils this year and a shitty work schedule.
We are electing our new prime minister today, we will either continue with the previous one, Passos Coelho or the socialist candidate, António Costa, will get the job. We’ll see.
I’ve been watching “Game of Thrones”, there was such a big fuss about it, that I wanted to see what it was all about. I’m kind of addicted to it now, I’ve watched the first 3 seasons and I love it. I’m also looking forward for the next season of “The walking dead” and “Downton Abbey”, besides fequently watching “The strain” and “Dracula”. I’m all about gore, horror and death. I love it.
Regarding dates or twinkles, none whatsoever. For the first time in my life, at 53, I’m really starting to feel invisible.
Fi, so glad you’re doing fine and had so many responses to your profile. I hope you’ll find a nice guy (although I feel you’re ok single and are not really looking for anyone).
T, so you’re stil with your girlfriend. Good for you, even though I think that you and Fi would make a great couple.
Er no. I haven’t got the right temperament for T. I like to be left alone so that I can just do my own thing and I couldn’t cope with the drama and arguments that follow him around. I would get no enjoyment from them and would either gradually be beaten down until I gave up and sat rocking in a cupboard, or alternatively would shout back and throw things as my blood pressure rocketed and brought on a heart attack/ stroke. Neither seem ideal options to me.
Your English though Maria is unbelievably good. What about swapping jobs to do something with it?
Fi, it’s too fucking late. There are no jobs for senior citizens, at least not here in Portugal. Besides I’m too old to start a new career, what I’d really like to do is retire, but retirement age around here is around 67.
Re T, I tkink that, unlike me, you’re a great diplomat and have the rare ability to get along with everybody. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks there’s a special connection between you and T. Anyway, as I said above, I think you’re not really looking for anyone. Neither am I, in fact, I love living on my own.
thank you but I’m pretty sure you underestimate your skills and overestimate mine 🙂
Translation work via the internet? I have a friend who does English/Spanish.
Tour guide for English speakers? Offering your translation services to hotels with English guests?
Advertising your excellent English skills in the local paper/ on the internet/ private tuition to adults and children learning English to help them pass exams?
None of these require you to change careers as such but I would bet there would be a demand for your skills if people knew you could do it
Maria, you are a stirrer. Or a dreadful romantic. Or both.
Life is funny isn’t it? How we go through phases. Fiona has gone through the I don’t need a man stage and is now on the trap.
I feel like the bloke who is turned down for a job he hasn’t applied for.
And look at the mistake she is making. I have everything. Looks, suave, urbane, highly intelligent, money but was still a constant victim of internet rejection by judgemental women who just didn’t understand me. Oh, how I cried.
😉
*still*
Fi, those options you suggested either pay very poorly or require very hard word and I no longer have the willpower or the stamina to try them. Now, I’m well paid (considering the average wages around here), cannot be sacked (unless I do something very wrong), work very close to home and can do it with my eyes closed, I’ve been doing it for so long.
I think I’ll stick with it until I eagerly wait for retirement.
*very hard work*
Wow. You hate your job, the kids and your boss. You’re 53 and you intend to keep doing it until you’re 67.Just…WOW! I couldn’t.
Not until I’m 67, but I’ll have to do it until I’m at least 60, surely.
Internet dating- it’s the same every time:
1. I think would be nice to meet someone and do a profile.
2. Responses come in and I think this is going ok and am optimistic that I will meet someone that is right for me
3. Begin to realise that it is actually hard work to reply to strangers and keep conversation going when a) they are messaging other folk anyway and b) I don’t know anything about them and c) I have only got half an hour free today, but I persevere anyway
4. Begin to think that actually if I can’t find the time to meet someone how am I going to find the time to be with someone and question what I would be happy to relinquish my social activities and whether I want to bother
5. Give up.
Every time. I’m at stage 4 but trying to hang on a bit longer. Grateful for any suggestions as to how I can make this easier. What do other people do?
I feel ill-equipped to comment. I only lasted four weeks, after all. But I get the impression that those who minimise the amount of chat, go straight for a quick, low investment, coffee or early evening drink – playing a high-turnover assessment game – do pretty well. It’s a targeted, efficient, goal-maximising approach. Your daily spare half hour can be put to good use that way. I know someone who did like that who subsequently married and had children with the nth person she met.
In other words, those seven or so men who sent reasonable replies who had thought-out profiles? Don’t waste time online. Just say, “You know what, why don’t we just meet for a quick coffee?”. Then, don’t think about it, just turn up at the designated hour. And within a week – seven coffee breaks – you’ll know the score. Sorted!
Totally agree with Zoe. I’ve dipped into the internet dating game off and on over the last few years. The one thing I’ve learnt is ‘hesitate at your peril’. When I started online dating and saw someone new pop up on the site I’d spend a week or so composing a witty alluring reply only to get the answer ‘sorry, just started seeing someone’.
More recently, when I saw someone new I liked the look of, I took the plunge within his first week of being on the site and got in touch with a brief reply just to bring myself to his attention and register interest.
This turned out to be a good move as he’d been inundated with women within that week, receiving up to 20 replies a day. He’d felt so overwhelmed with the amount of replies and had already met two women, one of who was very keen on him, but I got in there in the nick of time and we ended up in a relationship. (It finished 10 months later when he decided he couldn’t commit, but that’s another story.)
The population of the UK is 52% women so the odds are stacked against us before we even post our profile, so get in there quick. It’s predatory out there…
Hmmm, I usually got to 3. a), wondered why the heck I was bothering and went straight to 5.!
I know there’s something wrong with me. On the one hand I like the idea of having someone to chat to of an evening or share things with. On the other hand though I don’t want to change my life in any way whatsoever, including having them around when I don’t want to. I think there may be an intrinsic problem there.
Also much as I like meeting new people, I do that on the basis that there is nothing more than spending a pleasant wee while in someone’s company, no pressure and no demands. To use T’s analogy this is like a long extended job interview online where you have to decide in the dark what the terms and conditions are, while they decide whether to offer you the job, and you don’t know if you want it or not. And I don’t know that I haven’t made a mistake in rejecting the ones I did. And most of all the time it takes…..oh my god the time.
Is it any wonder that I sort of think it is all too much and give up?
I have been extremely pleasantly surprised though by the large number of men over 50 who have been in touch. Maybe they are also chasing younger women too but it gives a lie to the notion that older women are past it. Thanks to my young make over team for presenting me in the most flattering light – literally actually as they held the standard light to my side to gently light up my face while another took pictures from above – Generation selfie can make anyone look their best
And remember as you get to know someone they can grow on you from a poor start. Or the other ways about.
I was attracted to the more eccentric profile and – as I have said umpteen times in the past – was able to filter out humourless numpties by adding 40 years to my age.
That’s probably why no-one wanted me!
And the effort of travelling miles only to be disappointed.
Nihtmare.
And you can try to hard. And your imagination and expectation runs riot.
And in your case you want your bun and your penny. To preserve your social life you need someone local to you. Longish odds on the ‘net.
Plenty of Fish have just told me they are introducing a new compulsory question viz: are you a bidet user?
And I found that careless spelling and grammar were also a turn off.
Nightmare.
And you can try too hard.
T – “Nihtmare. And you can try to hard.”
T – “And I found that careless spelling and grammar were also a turn off.”
🙂 😉
I agree though. Am still hanging on in there but have stopped responding to all but 2 as it just seems like too much like hard work. I know it’s on line but should it be quite as hard as this to keep the conversation going? Asking randoms ‘how’s your day been?’ and having to read crap like ‘Hi Babes’. Obviously I delete them as I am neither desperate nor mad. Yet. 🙂
In the spirit though of ‘what’s for you will not go by you’ I am going to trust in the great cosmos/fate to work out for the best and will just hang about a bit longer and see what turns up.
Fiona,
I think (you’ll bollock me for getting everything wrong) that one, you have been pushed into “dating”.
Two, it is easy to start the journey certain you will find the right person and at end be disappointed.
Three, do not do a Lydia and remember the bloke might be depressed by rejection. He might have said the wrong thing but his heart might be in exactly the right place.
And he might have a bidet.
Thanks.
I doubt i will meet the right person as my problem is a case of not being able to be arsed making the effort. Anyway there are loads of them – I have to narrow them down somehow. And before you think ‘bloody hell how does she get them?’ I have to say that 1) they are online all the time and sending me a message once a day so they are obviously bombarding loads and loads of women on the off chance that some will respond and 2) if i don’t respond they give up straight away which implies they actually have no investment in me and have moved on anyway and 3) ‘Hi babes xxxxxx’ deserves to be deleted. I always respond to the ones who have made the effort to write a proper profile and write a proper message.
I think to be honest I’m too old to change my ways – the bottom line is I’m on my own because it suits me and it has suited me for so long that the thought of having someone making any demands on me makes me feel ill.
Fiona, stop this. Have you been pushed into dating?
If you are serious this is your headline: Tall ukelele strumming Celt, looks great in a mini kilt seeks diminutive Saxon with bidet.
🙂
No I haven’t been pushed. Sometimes when I come home I think it would be nice to have someone to come home to, and the only way that is going to happen realistically is through online dating. So I might as well give it a shot – and I’m also the sort of person who is always up for trying new things. On the other hand though I sort of can’t be arsed.
Buy a cat.
I already have two cats. 🙂
However two of them have now asked to meet me. That may be a step too far.
Fi, I read that as two of the cats asking you to them… Sorry, still a bit hung over from the holiday and the drive home!
I used to find it easy enough to get men from dating sites to want to meet me. It was exciting as first, but once I realised that nobody ever turns out to be quite like their profile, it lost its allure. So I quite understand your comment of a step too far!
Must go back and track down the posts I wanted to comment on while away – the WiFi at the cottage was unreliable and always at the times that I wanted to say something on here 🙂
Ethel – please do put your comments up as they are always good ones.
I don’t know that I will actually meet any – this may be as far as I go. We will see. I would be extremely disappointed if after all this I did make the effort to find they weren’t what I was expecting.
Aw, thanks! Always felt that my contributions were rubbish, so it’s good to know someone appreciates them.
Please go meet the one that makes you laugh. And possibly the ex-marine, who may well turn out to have a sense of humour in person – it can be difficult to display your true personality in text.
God no – the best comments come from the folk who are still on here having a chat and a laugh. And I feel quite proud of the way we have all contributed to Maria’s excellent English language development over the last few years. I remember the days when she would explain that English was her second language. Nowadays she is fluent, grammatically correct and uses colloquialisms and swear words appropriately like the best of us.
“I feel quite proud of the way we have all contributed to Maria’s excellent English language development over the last few years.” – quite right.
Truth is in the beginning I felt like an intruder and was afraid of being mocked because of my poor grasp of the English language, that and the fact that I am from a very different culture and country. And I was, in fact, badly insulted by a “lovely” commenter named Rosie, who also “loved” Fi to death.
I don’t think I’m anything special, to be honest, and I do have a college degree in English and Portuguese. Besides I love perusing “The Daily Mail” and “The Guardian”.
But Maria it’s not just that you have good grasp of the English language and grammar, I honestly don’t think that anybody would be able to tell that English isn’t your first language. It might be different when you speak as you may have a strong accent but honestly you come across as British.
Maria, that’s what I was trying to say, but not as succinctly as Fi.
Fi and Ethel, thanks. I’ll take your word for it.
Makasih atas infonya , Aerith
Nice to see all the interesting folk are back!
I appear now to have moved on to getting men who have absolutely nothing in common with me and who can’t string a sentence together. But I am developing a heart of stone and deleting them. The current contenders:
1. Managed to avoid meeting one for lunch on Friday – this guy doesn’t have a picture up but periodically it flashes up for 5 minutes then disappears. I couldn’t fathom it out until I asked him what he looked like and he ‘revealed’ himself to me for 5 minutes then vanished again. So basically overtime he appears (about 30 times so far) he is showing a woman what he looks like. His lack of discrimination in what he is seeking has forced me to delete him. Which is ok as he didn’t demonstrate any sense of humour anyway.
2. There’s an older one who has posted pictures of himself climbing mountains and says he was a marine and a policeman. And he is foreign I think or at least has a foreign sounding first name and speaks German as a second language. I have to admit his appeal may actually be based on something as shallow as his previous professions and the fact that he looks quite fit as again there is no humour at all in any of his messages.
3. The funniest and seems to be on the same wavelength as me and likes the same things so let’s see where that goes. If anywhere.
I am going to have to go and take my wine bottles to the bottle bank now. Housework waits for no woman.
Oh and a faintly amusing (to my friends) thing happened last night. Sitting in a pub in a little village, listening to live music, I got a POF message from a man who said he was sitting IN THE SAME VILLAGE LISTENING TO LIVE MUSIC!!!!
I said ‘are you in the Brewhouse?” He said yes and sitting round the corner from me.
Having checked his profile he wasn’t for me, and by this time he was messaging me saying he was lonely on his own (not sure whether he meant no woman or no friends) so while my friends fell about laughing their heads off I had to insist we leave.
Hilarious! How on earth did you resist popping round to meet him? 🙂
Oh no – meeting is a step too far. What would I say anyway other than ‘nope you’re not for me’. That would be embarrassing for everyone. Week
But actually he did follow it up with a POF message saying he thought we had a lot in common (what – we live in the same geographical region?) and he would be in touch soon.
You were in the same place listening to the same live music – isn’t that something in common? 😀
You should have met him. He might turn out to be nice.
Having advised you to play a numbers game at the assessment stage, I cannot approve of your rejecting your photo-flashing lunch date! It seems to me acceptable that he was taking an open-minded view at the point at which, after all, it is impossible to discriminate effectively or fairly. It’s when you actually meet them that you know – and then almost instantly. Which in turn makes it inadvisable to meet for a whole lunch, as opposed to a coffee or a drink. So in that sense, you might have had a lucky escape…
Zoe I know you’re right, and I think if I was serious about finding someone then that is exactly the approach I would take. But I have a more open ended ‘what’s for you will not go by you’ approach’. I actually like my life as it is and while I think it would be nice to have someone, I also don’t want anything to change about my rather pleasant life that I have set up exactly as I want it to be. It doesn’t seem very likely that I can meet someone and keep everything as it is, and I think it unlikely I will meet anyone I like enough to make changes for. So if it happens it happens, if it doesn’t then that’s fine. At the moment I’m quite enjoying this experience but I don’t have any illusions about it.
Yeah, well, as I said, it was all a bit “do as I say, not what I do”. Your motives aren’t so far from the ones that prompted me to go on the site without a photo for the minimum allowable time, talk to just one person, and then decide to not meet him. I’m even worse than you. I’m keen though that you keep on keeping on. It’s all entertaining stuff on a quiet Sunday morning …
Fi, has the net dating already driven you to drink? 🙂
Oh yes, save me from the messages that consisted of “Hello u lok nice lol”. Could never figure out what was “lol” about that statement?
And the ones who could not find the punctuation keys on their phone/keyboard/tablet?
Or the profile that consisted of statements saying “Ideally, you’ll be…..” over and over again. I wrote back that, ideally, he would have read my profile before he wrote to me, and then blocked him.
Has anyone had the approach from someone, the emails, the chats on the phone, then all contact stops and you have been rejected for some reason you cannot fathom. A couple of months, or more, go by and you get another ‘first’ message from them, like you had never spoken before. Twats!
Off to
Oops… off to do the washing… housewife stuff here too!
Failures of punctuation – yes! And ‘Wanna chat babesxxx?’ – er no thanks and I delete. I’ve not had anybody telling me what I should be like but there appears to be a pile of men who think I am the ideal woman for them, based on the fact that we have so much in common – like for example they have read a book and I read books – and I wonder why????? why would you think we have ANYTHING in common or would get on at all? Then I remember that some men aren’t looking for the same thing that women are looking for and actually what goes on in your head (as long as you don’t give them grief) doesn’t really matter to them.
I’ve not hung around long enough to get the follow up contacts but it is something I wonder about these places – I already find myself wondering who is out there and are they a better fit for me. It’s like a massive pick and mix section where people will more than likely be looking over your shoulder to see who else is coming in the door.
Pick and mix? Oh yes! I’ve frequently heard dating sites referred to as a sweetie shop for the men, but pick and mix is far more apt. So many of them can’t seem to stop at one sweetie and want to try as many as possible. I think that’s probably the main reason I gave it up.
Ethel, yes I had a similar experience. Got chatting to a man online, talked on the phone a couple of times. Met up for coffee and got on so well we went for a long lunch – so we spent about 5 hours in each others company. We had a lot in common, but just didn’t fancy each other so that was the last of it. But a year later he contacts me with a “Hi, seems we have a bit in common, do you fancy meeting up?” Honestly…..I despair…
Jude, sorry, I’ve laughed out loud at that. Not at you, just your last few words, which sum up how I’ve often felt!
Who did the rejecting? You or him? Perhaps he did fancy you?
Do they have short memories? I never once failed to recognise someone I had spoken to before. Or are they so desperate for a shag that they think maybe we’re desperate too?
Ethel, it was a mutual thing really, despite getting on well during the coffee and unplanned lunch there just wasn’t *that* extra zing. After the date neither of us contacted each other again. Until a year later, when he ‘found’ me. It wasn’t as if I’d changed my main photo. Obviously FIVE HOURS in my company is not scintillating or memorable enough to make an impression on a man.
Jude, I’m curious here… was he physically revolting? If not, and you got on well for five hours, why not respond that you had a nice time and see him again? I’ve often found that a man’s appeal grows on me over time.
Ethel, oh dear, when I see it written in black and white like that, I feel a bit daft not to have followed it up – could have been a good ‘un, given time… Anyway, it was about four years ago, so that door is well and truly closed now. I think, in hindsight, he was just a tad too serious – we had plenty to talk about, but the humour was possibly lacking.
Jude, don’t beat yourself up. As Fi says, what’s for you, won’t pass you by. And if he had no sense of humour, that’s a major red flag!
Twats. 😀
Number 3 seems nice. I hope he’s good-looking, too.
I don’t know what the f*ck happened. This was supposed to come next to Fi’s comment above.
Maria, I’ve found the same thing regarding where your comments go. The site doesn’t seem to be behaving itself this morning – perhaps it’s had enough of P’s absence too 🙂
I never found you had a poor grasp of the English language – your posts are always clear.
Regarding the Daily Mail, it’s also referred to as the Daily Fail, because they never let the true facts get in the way of a good story!
This story has me wondering how a supposedly intelligent woman could be so taken in:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3268753/I-handed-Kenyan-husband-25-000-d-got-47-women-world-Retired-teacher-61-duped-lothario-met-UK-dating-site.html
Almost makes me want to go back to net dating and try to turn the tables on some of the scammers.
I know – usually I think the women are fools, but in this case she knew him for 3 years before she married him. I mean how long do you have to know someone until they can be trusted?
I don’t think it’s about the length of time, but how they behave during that time. These conmen play a long game and work on you gradually, I believe. So three years to get conned could well be par for the course.
I must have a suspicious mind, because the alarm bells would have been ringing in my head long before they ever did for that woman.
Honestly, I would get very suspicious the moment he mentioned money. Quite frankly I think that, after a certain age, we should just give up. The only men that fancy old women are the really old, decrepit, repulsive ones and that’s because they don’t have any other options.
From what I’ve seen and lived, men, all men, always prefer young women, so why humiliate yourself like that? I say fuck them, but I’m kind of an independent type. I will never beg for attention, companionship or whatever; I don’t care if I die alone and get eaten by my cat.
I met one who kept asking about money, did I have a mortgage, a loan on the car, savings, bonds, what did I earn. You name it, he asked it. But he did it in a very subtle way spread over a while.
Then one evening he rang me and said “I want to say the L word to you”. We’d only been dating a couple of months and I was not feeling the same in any way whatsoever. So in my usual inimitable way, I said “Lowestoft?”. (Maria, if you’re not familiar with English places, Lowestoft is a town on the east coast.) This did not go down well!
Cue much offence from him, and he went on to tell me he’d decided we were going to move in together in about a year to 18 months’ time. This coincided, coincidentally I’m sure, with him finishing doing up and selling his house and clearing his mortgage. Alarms bell rang! Not the least of which being that his 17 year old daughter was pregnant, he was self-employed and I had visions of me supporting the two of them.
I really wasn’t desperate enough for the company that I would have even considered him moving in. I like my home. It’s mine. I worked for it. Nobody is going to come along and scam it off me, nor even scam their way in.
I agree, the old repulsive ones are the only ones available to me now. I’d rather not, thanks. All that old saggy skin. Euw!
Reminds me of the episode in Sex and the City when Samantha falls for a much older man. All’s well until one night after a bout of unrivalled passion he gets out of bed, walks to towards the bathroom, turns the light on and his saggy old bottom is lit up. And that’s the deal breaker for Samantha.
Yes, Jude, I remember that episode too! How I miss S&TC…
Brilliant, wasn’t it? Shame the films were so crap.
I watched the first film again recently. Had forgotten a lot of it. Can’t remember if I’ve ever seen the second one, so not too bothered now you’ve said that!
Wasn’t there talk of another film not so long ago? Or was it just publicity for something else SJP was doing?
Oh I hope not. Think they should park it, rather than dilute a once-great ‘brand’, and move on.
I think I’ve lost my POF mojo. Since Sunday I’ve had no interest at all other than ‘Bigboy’ and Hulk. 😦
Soon I won’t even have them….
Humm, Bigboy sounds promising…
Just what I was thinking…
He won’t be able to make conversation of course – that’s what happens when all the blood leaves their brains and rushes somewhere else…:D
Do you have another photo to upload, or edit part of your profile slightly? I’m convinced that activity on your profile sets off the algorithms (or whatever they are) in the site pushes you up the visibility charts…just a theory though. And if you’re still bothered…
I think there’s New Face Syndrome… you get more attention when you’re new. So putting up a new photo would have the same effect.
Yes, exactly…I’m convinced there’s something in that theory. Worth a try, Fi….? Unless, of course, you’re really attracted to Big Boy…
😀 😀 😀
<>
Spoke to one tonight on the phone that I was communicating with a week ago via the site but who vanished for a while. He was nice but dull. He just kept talking about how he wanted to be part of a couple and I’m obviously not right for him as I have a life!. It turns out that he knows a friend of mine who (small world!!!) says she doesn’t think we would have anything in common at all as he is traditional and would never go to music festivals. He is only 7 years older than me – when I was 18 I would go out with guys of 25 no problem – but it has got to the stage where I meet men and compare them to my dad and think they are more old fashioned than my dad in how they dress, their interests and their attitudes and conversation. How can that be? How can my 78 year old dad appear younger than any of the men that are interested in me?
Oh and of course he did that standard thing of bragging about his money which a) seems rather crass and b) is insulting. Why do blokes do that? It’s like me saying I have size 36g breasts (which I don’t) and then complaining that men only like me for my tits! Think it is time to rejig my profile as recommended – thanks ladies!
Being part of a couple means you have no other friends or social interests? How boring would that be? No, ditch him! Next!
I hate it when men brag about money too. Born out of low self-esteem I feel. Trying to bolster their egos and make themselves sound better than they are. Again, a very old-fashioned attitude. What will happen when the woman has more money than he does?!
And another… At least this one has been prosecuted and jailed.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3273660/Ex-wife-lonely-hearts-fraudster-tells-ran-debts-begged-share-bed-mistress.html
What a bunch of two faced, scheming hypocrites women are.
Oh dear. Which one is annoying you? Wife or girlfriend?
You lot. What a scheming bunch.
Wife? Going to escape to Scotland for a couple of days. Walk the dog. Chill. Meet the electrician. Make some house progress.
Was talking to a friend tonight about the absurdities of life with a woman.
Well, not talking, giggling about how ridiculous women can be. Example: how they like to have the last word.
Understand, this was not hate talk it was giggleland. He says when his marriage was in his death throes and as the penny dropped his wife could not wind him up any more and as a parting shot she screamed her first husband had an enormous cock.
It’s like a murmuration. All swirls and chirping then you all disappear.
Well you just lob in a negative comment about women and seem to think that that will make the women readig want to engage with you. Er no ….. It’s just you beig provocative which we know you enjoy being from the stories you post here about your interaction with women. And therein lies the problem ………
Exactly.
We’re not some exotic bird species, TL. And you don’t have to be the little boy whose only way to connect to them is to run amok shouting and waving his arms and then wonder they’ve all flown away. It seems to me that it’s your persistent fantasy that women are an alien species that undoes your relationship with them.
Exactly.
Well said, Fi and Zoe.
It probably won’t be long before he comes back and says he was “only joshing”, or some other pathetic excuse for what amounts to verbal abuse.
It’s no wonder none of us wanted to meet him.
Not wanting to gang up on T Lover, but he is the only remaining male on here so odds are stacked against him in terms of ratios. Nice one Fi, Zoe and Ethel… But I do suspect he enjoys the parry…or should that be parrying…?
Ouch!! Don’t be so hard on T!!
What? So he’s allowed to come on here and make nasty remarks about us, but we must not respond? This is 2015, not 1955!
Technically you’re right Ethel, but I always feel T is a bit like a curmudgeonly old man who can’t help himself and so I extend him the courtesy that I maybe wouldn’t do to others. I think it’s a bit late for him to try to change.
…a bit like a curmudgeonly old man? Or he is a curmudgeonly old man?
If he speaks to us like that, It’s highly likely he speaks to the wife and girlfriend like that. I would put money on it not being them that is the problem, but T himself. After all, he’s the common denominator!
Sorry, Fi, but there is no excuse for bad behaviour.
1. He is a curmudgeonly old man.
2. I am 100 percent sure he speaks to all the women in his life like that. Although maybe not his mother.
3. I agree that it is T who is the common denominator but I bet it’s 50/50 as I think he isn’t interested in the boring normal women who muddle along ignoring him when he starts this stuff – I bet he is only attracted to women who like drama and throw plates. 🙂
Fi, I agree completely, except for one thing: ignoring bad behaviour does not make you boring!
But I think T would find it boring and vanilla. I think he thrives on drama and fighting and wild make up sex. All his stories are about arguments he gets into, or the provocative things he says to people in real life, and the dramatic things his girlfriend does/the arguments they have/ the angst and trauma the pair of them exist in and generate (for example his writing to her ex-lover’s employer to tell tales on him), and the provocative things he says here just to elicit a reaction. Whenever an issue arises and could be clamped down on is this what happens? Does he keep a lid on things and try to understand someone else’s point of view? See where he contributes to the situation? Why no. It escalates. He is probably addicted to the adrenaline rush. It’s why he goes on about women having to have the last word – let’s face it someone has to be the last to speak – but HE wants it to be him. And he gets it by saying that women have to have it so he shuts down any woman disagreeing with him (like Ethel) because they don’t want to prove him right. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if T was one of those men who follow you round the house going on and on and never letting something drop – even when you’ve locked yourself in the bathroom he’ll be outside it still criticising you through the door – until you crack and scream at him or come out and start hitting him with something at which point he will be happy at you confirming his view that women are all crazy. That’s my take on it anyway.
Having said that it doesn’t mean I don’t like him 🙂 I just see him clearly.
Fi, I haven’t been shut down. I have been busy getting on with all the things I want/need to do over the weekend. And I can’t be arsed with wasting any more of my time/words on a man who isn’t listening because he is SO convinced his views on women and only his views are right. You’ve summed my Ex up there, following me around the house, picking and picking and picking away, until I either lost my temper with him or burst into tears. He blamed me of course, but it all stopped when we broke up. I no longer got angry or upset once he was out of my life. Strange that!
I see him clearly too. I should feel sorry for him in a way. He’s never going to be happy so long as he sees women as an alien species to criticise or take the piss out of. Being abusive to someone and then pretending you were “only joking” doesn’t constitute a sense of humour, IMO. So I’m out of here. Got better things to do with my life.
And his earlier story (On this page maybe – not sure) about what he said to a woman he was standing behind in a checkout queue was very funny.
Here is T’s story:
Last evening, I went into the supermarket on the way home. I bought a tin of dog food and a pack of razors. Two items in total for which I had the exact money.
Three tills were working. All had queues. I plumped for what I thought might be the best and landed behind a woman with an overflowing trolley. Had roles been reversed I would have said (to her): just two things? Dive in front. Not her. Item after item. The whole conveyor. Stacked.
I began to dislike her. Mean sour mouth turned down at the edges. Plump in a Buddha sort of way. No bosom which, given the amount of lard she was carrying, was a tad surprising.
Then, she takes eons to pay. Cannot find her card. Then she takes more eons to shove off with her trolley. I began to really dislike her.
Anyway, now I am back in the old car at the junction with the main road. The car breaks down. In the mirror I see the flat chested Buddha right up the exhaust of my car. The bloody moo started to blow her horn. I dropped the window and waved her by. She just sat there blowing her horn.
A gentleman would have ignored her. I got out and strode to her window. “Tell you what love, let’s swap. I’ll sit in your car blowing the horn and you try and start my car.”
Well that lit her fuse. No idea what she said but whatever pearls were thrown my way were thrown with that high pitched shrill delivery woman summon up when miffed.
So I went back to her window. Excuse me love. I’m building an idiot can I borrow your mouth?” She went mad.
It’s funny how things turn out. I got the car going. Went 200 yards to get petrol and stood behind the same female slug in the queue.
Assuming it’s a real story… I wonder what the woman’s version of events would have been. Just saying.
That would be a shame Ethel if you left. I don’t think he is abusive like your ex but I can see how things he says trigger those recollections.
Fi, since you didn’t live with my ex, how would you know???
I assumed he was abusive because of how you described him :
“My Ex was described as charming by our friends. “Oh, Ethel (not my read name), Paul (not his real name) is so lovely, you’re so lucky!”, and they always looked at me in such an envious way as they spoke – I was a size 8 with blonde hair all the way down to my waist and they thought I was so lucky. Thing is, they never saw the abuse that started as soon as we got in the car to go home. They never saw the bruises.”
Ah, yes, you assumed. You do know that when you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME?
You say you don’t think he is abusive like my ex, but, as I said, you never lived with my ex, did you? You don’t know the man, any more than you know T.
As for anything “triggering recollections”, again I think you’ve assumed – this relationship ended 20 years ago. It’s all in the past and nothing now comes back to haunt me. I’m just glad I got out when I did.
But I am obviously very aware of what abusers are like and can spot one a mile off. It’s not just physical. It’s verbal as well. The belittleing is just as powerful as the fist in sapping a woman’s confidence and stopping her from leaving the abuser, especially when done in public in front of friends. There have been plenty of books written on the subject, if you’re really interested. But please, if you’ve never experienced it, don’t assume that you know what you are talking about.
luckily for me then I can regain some credibility by confirming I have been on the receiving end of it and I completely agree it isn’t wise to make assumptions.
I shouldn’t assume that when you describe your ex as abusive he was, and you shouldn’t assume that because I don’t, he wasn’t. Let’s leave it at that
Now you’re starting to sound like T.
My ex was abusive, as I’ve previously explained. You assumed more than was there because you assumed I was still troubled by it.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been on the receiving end too, but I’m surprised actually. So no, let’s not leave it there. Let’s not sweep it under the carpet. Unless you’re still troubled by it?
Excuse me. It’s alright to make assumptions about me? But not about you?
It’s a good job the “facts” you write about my life are entertaining, the way conjecture becomes fact in the female brain is part of the charm.
My mate sums it up like this: he says his wife can remember the minute detail of a skirmish that happened years ago and many more of the details that didn’t
Calm down, T– you are getting all carried away – it’s not good for you!
I did assume you were still bothered by it because I thought that was the explanation for your (in my view) out of character reaction to T, and to me , and even to the suggestion that you might be still bothered by it.
Apologies if that isn’t the case.
It’s easy enough to ask for clarification, rather than assuming. I’m not bothered and I’m not sensitive. But I can spot an abuser from a mile off now.
Out of character, no. I didn’t used to respond to the anti-women remarks on here because there were others who always got there first. Now, I’m asking myself why bother with someone who isn’t worth the effort. He plainly isn’t happy with his life but can’t see it’s because of his behaviour.
He’ll be back before long with more vitriol. I really couldn’t give a fuck.
Ethel, what was the pseudonym you used to use to make comments on this blog?
Did you treat your husband in the same way you treat me? You know the sort of thing. Needle, needle, needle until – in his case – he couldn’t take it any more and wacked you?
unfortunate choice of words T. I imagine any woman reading that will raise her eyebrows at your implication that Ethel brought the violence she received on herself.
“unfortunate choice of words T. I imagine any woman reading that will raise her eyebrows at your implication that Ethel brought the violence she received on herself.”
Well said, Fi. My eyebrows shot to the sky when I read that from T. Thought we’d moved on from the 1950’s….
Don’t know why I’m typing this really… but anyway…
I never provoked my Ex, never needed to. Not one for confrontation. Never have been.
I never hit my Ex.
He re-married. He’s making the second wife unhappy now, from what I’ve been told. A relative of mine sat next to them at a dinner dance. Ex was laying into the drink as usual and ‘heckling’ one of the after dinner speakers. Wife hissed at him to stop it.
Poor cow did me a favour, because I wouldn’t have got rid of him if it wasn’t for her. She went on to have a child with him, so I guess she’s more stuck with him than I was.
I have no idea who his friends are now.
I remember being thrown across the room and hitting my head on the corner of a piece of furniture, so hard that the resulting black eye took three weeks to heal. What set that off I can’t remember now and, in any event, no woman EVER deserves that.
Fi, Jude, thanks. The misogyny has always been apparent to me.
Sorry, Fiona I don’t agree.
This Ethel does not know me from Adam. She has no idea how I tick. Nevertheless, she feels completely free to have a pop. How then did she behave towards a man friends thought was charming?
I am just asking a question.
I understand that, were I gallant, I would turn the other cheek but I am not. I see the way someone behaves towards a stranger and don’t like it. Leopards and spots and all that.
No-one is saying you have to like her, or that other people (like an ex) wouldn’t be angry with her or dislike her for behaving the way you say she could be in private i.e. nagging and shrewlike. The problem though is that you are saying as a result of her attitude and behaviour she causes the violence (i.e. she is responsible for being hit) and if she had been better behaved she wouldn’t have been, and this has in fact confirmed what she said about you and has actually put you firmly in the misogynistic camp as this is what abusive men do say to their women as they beat them up i.e. you brought this on yourself and it is your fault you deserve this treatment.
Maybe other women reading this will disagree.
I am not sure how you make these leaps of logic and then come to a conclusion based on non existent fantasy “facts”. How do you do it?
Could you please spell out in simple terms what I have said which has lead you to say these things. You are putting words into my mouth.
Without condoning violence am I not entitled to ask this lady whether anything she did or said provoked her husband? And I am entitled to ask because she seems determined to keep have a go at me, a stranger to her, for no reason that I can see.
For the record, my wife once chased my with a clothes prop and a girlfriend hit me on several occasions on the head.
And for the further record this Ethel referred to bruises not to being beaten up – she might have been beaten up who knows but, frankly, you are putting two and two together and making five.
So, perhaps (and bearing in mind there are two sides to every story) we might have the full Ethel version. Was Ethel sitting on the sofa reading the crossword clues when husband decided to attack her for no reason at all? Maybe the entire truth is that she hit him first.
Who knows?
And has he gone on to get re-married. Has that marriage turned out to be long and happy? These friends Ethel talks about, do they remain his friends?
Etc
You still don’t seem to grasp the fact that it is not OK to be violent towards a woman. Irrespective of what she may have said to her ex, or whether he went on to have a happy second marriage, or kept his friends. None of that matters one jot. You don’t get that point.
That is why you are misogynistic – you are trying to find a justification for a man treating a woman in that way, and one which puts some of, if not most of, the blame for it on Ethel. And the fact that you say things like you are ‘entitled’ to ask what she did to contribute to it happening? You aren’t entitled to anything, let alone to set yourself up as an arbitrator of whether she deserved it. I’m utterly taken aback that you seem to think you are.
If he was in danger of being physically hurt then yes, I can understand him defending himself, but you didn’t even put this forward as a justification – you just proposed that maybe she ‘needled’ him. Or maybe she ‘said’ or ‘did something’ that provoked him.
Fi, beautifully put. He doesn’t get that point, and he won’t, because he doesn’t want to.
Fi is right. Men are much stronger than women, so any man that hits a woman is a coward, no matter the reason. And the excuse about the women provoking it is just lame. No one is forced to stay with someone they don’t like or that treats them badly. That’s what divorce is for.
Still not got the hang of responding to the right thread. ……
And actually the physical violence was often not as bad as the psychological.
I have a feeling that you are determined to misinterpret whatever I say.
Like Ethel I can spot people I know I won’t get on with. Women who needle are on the list and I am not being labelled a misogynist or abuser by someone who has no idea about me or my life.
Peggy says: “And actually the physical violence was often not as bad as the psychological.”
Correct.
Every bad marriage is different. Coins have two sides. To pretend there is only one – there may be but not a one of you bunch is prepared to admit to any bad behaviour on your part – blanket self denial. All angels were you?
Consider Albert and the Lion:
There were one great big lion called Wallace
His nose were all covered with scars
He lay in a somnolent posture
With the side of his face on the bars
Now Albert had heard about lions
How they were ferocious and wild
To see Wallace lying so peaceful
Well it didn’t seem right to the child
So straight way the brave little fella
Not showing a morsel of fear
Took his stick with his horses head handle
And pushed it in Wallace’s ear
You could see that the lion didn’t like it
By giving a kind of a roll
He pulled Albert inside the cage with him
And swallowed the little lad whole
If you know the lion might eat you end the relationship or do something about making it right. Don’t deliberately poke the lion in the ear and feign surprise if you are eaten.
Is even that true? If you talk to people associated with, for example, the womens refuge movement they say it is surprising how many women end one abusive relationship only to start another.
And yet again, he is determined to misinterpret whatever any of us says and twist it round to suit himself.
He doesn’t like women who needle, yet he likes to needle women. Double standards?
We know nothing about him or his life, EXCEPT for all the posts he has ever made on here.
He’s accusing us all of blanket self-denial and yet he’s the master of that himself.
See, ladies, more attempts to needle us.
Peggy, you’re right about the psychological abuse being worse. Bruises heal. But the feelings of worthlessness entrenched in a woman by her previous abuser often lead to her getting involved with another abuser. And, of course, there are SO many misogynists that the odds are stacked against her. I got that from my local women’s refuge.
“…I am not being labelled a misogynist or abuser by someone who has no idea about me or my life”
T, obviously we have no knowledge of your life other than the opinions and thoughts you choose to post here. So any ‘labelling’ is based on the choice of words you use to communicate with us.
As for that lion ditty. You seriously think it’s OK to liken the instinct of a wild animal to that of a man (who society teaches reasoning and right from wrong)?!! Jeez, that’s just one step away from the “short skirt = asking for it” brigade.
The point is: if you are an abusive relationship, end it. Or try and make it right. But if you know how someone is going to react do you think: I know what I’ll do, I’ll keep poking Wallace in the ear until he bites.
I have an inkling that Ethel (who has swung from I don’t give a monkeys what Trevor says, I’m not rising to his bait to a completely barking bunny boiler) has managed to work it out.
Go on, Troll, keep going. Every time you come back with this bullshit, you mark yourself out for what you really are: a pathetic little excuse for a man.
Any woman who has been or is in an abusive relationship will know it’s not that easy to end the relationship because of the control of the abuser. But you either don’t want to understand that or you’re incapable of understanding.
And you are not an abuser my little sweetie?
I’m telling the truth and the troll doesn’t like it!
To the contrary – bring it on.
What was I saying about women always having the last word?
You be as rude and foul mouthed as you like. You are only showing yourself up, not me.
I don’t need to show you up, you’ve done that all by yourself.
I think there needs to be some balance here and some insight into human psyche – what needles one person (male or female) will not bother another. It depends on where you are in life, what type of day you’ve had, your upbringing, your past experiences, in other words we all have hot spots.
In a relationship that is healthy and equal we ask nicely ‘please don’t do/say that – it makes me feel xxxxxx’, and it stops because you care for the person. In a poor/unequal relationship it doesn’t get said for a miriad of reasons. When abuse doesn’t stop the first thing most women (and sometimes men as this isn’t an exclusively female situation) thinks is ‘jeez I’m sorry, it must be me’ as they fell for that person thinking they were a nice balanced type initially so therefore the only factor that has changed is the intensity of the relationship. So they stay to make amends and think ‘must try harder’. This cycle is on repeat. Now, those that make a quick getaway (myself) are those with a sense of self worth remaining. That takes a degree of self confidence and dare I say it arrogance and anger. Those that don’t are most likely the ones who believe if they’re ‘good’ it will all get better.
I repeat we’re all different, not better or worse, just different.
HOWEVER, anyone who for even a second believes that it is acceptable to beat the living crap out of another human being for any other reason than physical self defence is evolutionarily behind the curve. Or is an abuser who is trying to justify their past actions. Just saying.
Peggy, that was very succinctly put. I was one of those who thought if I just kept my head down and made sure I never upset him, everything would be all right. Sadly, I was too young and innocent to see that it was everything/everybody else that upset him that he was taking out on me.
It’s shame someone managed to completely miss the point of the last paragraph, but I suppose that’s what they do. In their own minds, they must have some justification for their behaviour.
Thank you Maria (for your comment below) and Peggy for your rather more balanced view.
Fi. What now? More of the same as far as I am concerned.
I hate women who nag, women who don’t know when to shut up, women who will do anything to have the last word. There are some really pratty men about too – I know that – but in the context of the rotten fruit thrown my way let’s stick with women.
At work, the office has never been less happy when, like a bad smell, we have had a politically correct woman putting a damper on us all. One or two have been just dreadful and made for such an unhappy atmosphere.
Then we have those that once a month have a complete personality change. One bright, hard working girl was so bad I used to dread her periods. There I would be trying to meet an urgent deadline. Stressed. There she would be standing in front of the desk going on and on and on. I saw a newspaper headline years ago which read “PMT drove woman to kill” and in the case of this particular girl I could well believe it. It was normally just one day and then she would be fine.
On the day the wife left she was up the fields. She was shagging another bloke (I don’t mean in the fields) and I knew she had two mobile phones. I saw a phone in her car – I wanted to know who it was – this bloke.
She came flying across and, to cut the story short, bit me. When I say bit I mean got my hand and would not let go. I wish I could post the photographs for Ethel. Around three months before the skin and bruising repaired. Shirt and jumper torn. As Peggy (?) observes it is the mental damage that lasts. Seven years, eight later I cannot bear to look at the cow.
She still does things to deliberately needle me. Don’t laugh it’s so petty but for example she puts raw stable muck on the flower beds. I ask and ask. Please don’t do that. If something annoys her another load of shit and grass arrives to be tidied up.
The worst is in your face nagging and that can make me feel I am going round the bend. The GF is the mistress of the art. I don’t know what triggers it and I can’t deal with it. The standard male advice is ignore but that makes her worse. If I laugh it winds her up. She can make me really miserable. Of course that’s abuse isn’t it Ethel? Mental. Controlling.
So, I try to walk away. She stands in my way. I move to one side. She moves to block me. It always ends the same way. I say: OK. I go to a spare bedroom and lie all worked up trying to get to sleep. In the morning we don’t speak for a while. I look at my favourite sites on the net. She pinches my coffee and thins calm down.
Sorry to say Fi that whilst you have an ever open window into my misogynistic life as an abuser the end does not come with what Peggy describes as sock popping sex. Nor do I love it. The opposite. I spend days wondering whether to press the eject button.
I know a proportion of friend’s wives do the same thing. A lot don’t but there are some who have to be your face and won’t let things, often absurd trivialities, drop.
Am I a disappointment Fi? You tell everyone about the intimate detail of my ordinary life but seem consistently to get it wrong.
There are some bastard men around too. I’m not going to say there aren’t but there is also a middle ground in which some monster of a woman is right in the face of a stressed, fragile man who ends up doing something completely out of character.
And no Jude, whilst I wonder why some women are almost naked when they go out – why do they do that – I am not saying that they are asking to be raped. But you would dress like that in Saudi Arabia and expect not to be lashed would you?
And no Peggy, I would never say you deserved everything you got.
This last few days have been good. The true characters of the people behind that comments seem to have emerged.
The monstrous foul mouthed won’t let it drop woman. I bet she was a treat to live with.
The politically correct – perhaps a bit short of experience in the real world type and finally, the nice steady balanced women, the sort you know you could get along with.
“So he’s allowed to come on here and make nasty remarks about us, but we must not respond? This is 2015, not 1955!” – that’s what he does and that’s part of his charm. And maybe I’m missing something here, but what did he say that was so offensive? Come on, there have been some real trolls on this site, but T isn’t one of them.
“What a bunch of two faced, scheming hypocrites women are.”
“You lot. What a scheming bunch.”
No explanation, just a bald statement, designed to ruffle our feathers.
But part of what charm? Can someone please explain to me how abuse is charming?
My Ex was described as charming by our friends. “Oh, Ethel (not my read name), Paul (not his real name) is so lovely, you’re so lucky!”, and they always looked at me in such an envious way as they spoke – I was a size 8 with blonde hair all the way down to my waist and they thought I was so lucky. Thing is, they never saw the abuse that started as soon as we got in the car to go home. They never saw the bruises.
Calm down Ethel – you are getting all carried away – it’s not good for you.
T Lover is not my real name either which is good .because you have somehow inferred a link between my leg pull on the one hand and abuse and being attacked physically on the other. Stretching things a bit far don’t you think?
And as for you my little Portuguese sweety pie (just spell-checked “sweety” and mistakenly chose sweaty) you will do for me. Because? You can tell which people you will get on with by the reaction to having their leg pulled.
Hang on a mo. Something else. Didn’t I say something about women always wanting the last word? And Ethel has taken that piece of absolute truth very badly indeed? Well let’s see what happens next!
Maria….. where are you?
Wow, sweetie pie!! I’ve been called many things but nothing like that. I assure you T, I’m anything but; the thing is I think you’re not as bad as they say. Maybe Ethel is a little sensitive because of what happened to her and Fi wasn’t being serious, I’m sure.
By the way, Maria is my real name, the full name being Maria da Conceição Malheiro Pereira.
Blimey, what a handle.
My real name is Trevor Lover (Ms) – I’ve been hiding the Ms.
Lovely to meet you.
Wow Maria, that’s an awesome name, and Trevor, you really are a Lover! I like this stepping out from behind the veil of the avatar moniker.
Fi, you’ve almost ‘sold’ me the internet dating conveyor belt idea, I have a 34% complete profile, no photo and have not paid for a subscription yet but have gathered 34 email responses. I’ve not read any of them yet. I’m totally with you in the time aspect and beginning to wonder if I can be arsed.
It’s like another full time job (on top of an actual job and being a FT mum) that I’m not totally sure I can commit to. And if I can’t commit to finding a chap can I really find the time to commit to one when I find one?
yeah I hid my profile in the end. I haven’t deleted it and may put it up again but I can’t be bothered looking for someone as even if I found them I couldn’t be bothered doing anything with them 🙂
But it’s a fun diversion for a while.
Fiona, it is nice not to have to be on your own sometimes. And when the time is right (and when you feel right) ….. you know what I am trying to say…. Scott will re-appear in your life.
Ethel, petal. Come on, smile.
“it is nice not to have to be on your own sometimes.” Trevor (!!!!) what does ‘be on your own’ mean?
OK, Trevor Lover is not my real name.
Those sometimes when you are tired, it’s late and you need a hug.
I feel I am about to get another kicking.
Must go, jobs to do before I go for the train north.
Not a kicking at all -just wondered what it was that you meant, and whether it was anything you can get from someone else, and what it was that you felt you could only get from a partner that was all.
You must get more benefit from your loopy girlfriend than a hug when you’re down, especially as she seems to be the one who creates that feeling in you.
But those times I am down (doesn’t happen very often and I know that all things pass, usually after a good night’s sleep) I open the wine and chat to a friend on the phone.
“OK, Trevor Lover is not my real name.” – What??!! Can’t believe I fucking believed that was true. How stupid am I? (don’t answer that.)
Oh dear. I tried very hard not to laugh. I really did. Sorry.
I don’t know if there is any way of removing what you’ve posted on here, but I would be wary of posting my real name in its entirety. Just a thought.
Ethel, I don’t care. People can google me all they want, there’s nothing about me on the web. I’m just an old insignificant Portuguese woman. Who’s going to bother to dig up stuff about me?
Never heard of identity theft? Even insignificant old Portuguese women have one of those. Not that I would have described you as insignificant or old. That ID theft might just come back to bite you though.
Who would steal my identity and for what purpose?
http://www.actionfraud.police.uk/fraud_protection/identity_fraud
Thanks Ethel for the link. It scared the shit out of me.
Sorry to have done that to you, Maria, but better to be aware and stay safe x
Maria – it is really nice that you are nice enough to have believed him. I DO know his real name and it’s not Trevor 😀
Fi, you know his real name??!! There’s something going on you’re not telling us (not that you have to).
Maria, there’s Felicity Arkwright going on.
Well yes – remember we were going to meet?
Who the fuck is Felicity Arkwright, you lying b*stard?
Yes! you lying b*stard. Who the fuck is Felicity Arkwright?
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Felicity Arkwright? Fanny Adams? Fuck all. There’s Felicity Arkwright going on. Love, Trevor.
Having been in a marriage where I was regularly swung about by my hair which was ripped out in clumps, hid black eyes, etc etc I feel the need to contribute.
TL, could you please outline a reasonable justification for such treatment?
According to my ex (and I’m so tempted to name and shame) I was always responsible for his actions. He was depressed (it was my fault); there was not always a hot meal on the table when he walked in (I had a career and he was often home before me); I remained friends with my pre-him-relationship friends – though not for long as it caused too much agro; I laughed at his friends jokes (I was flirting); I got promoted (obviously I thought I was so much better than him and emasculated him); I left a pot of basil on some kitchen towel and not a saucer on the kitchen worktop – then arrived home after a three day business trip to be greeted with a thump and a kick. That was the final straw but I can never look at basil the same way again.
My point is I am sure I deserved everything I got, eh TL?
Of course you didn’t, Peggy. But you won’t get an answer from Twat / Tosser / Twit / Troll, or whatever else it stands for.
Now Ethel, you’re taking it a bit too far. T has been commenting here since the beginning of the blog and I rather enjoy his posts. I don’t like to see him being treated like that.
Maria, that’s very strange. Your style of writing has become exactly like T’s. How bizarre.
I think Ethel you could stop now – T is in control of how he comes across on these pages and what he has said will stay here forever and allow people to make their own minds up about him.
You’re right, Fi. He’s shown himself up for what he is. I would love to speak to the Wife and find out why she felt compelled to have an affair with another man. And the Girlfriend to find out why out she feels compelled to nag him. There have to be reasons. But so many of these men are in denial, he will never see that his behaviour is the root cause.
I’ve met so many like him on net dating sites. “The wife did this”. “The wife did that”. And the common thing among them all was that they could not work out that they had played a contributing part. They were all innocent and white as snow. They all seemed to want my sympathy and some free counselling. I made the mistake of going out to meet one for a drink and sat there for three hours while he droned on about his Ex. Made him very attractive, not. Best bit was when he said “I hate all women!” I got up to leave and he said “Oh, I didn’t mean you.” I got out quick.
I wish I could find the book I bought when I left my ex. It explained abusive men’s behaviour perfectly. Oh well, not for now, have a hospital appointment that I must get to.
Well Ethel and Fi would it be permissible to make another couple of points without being referred to as a twat?
First, I am always open. Contrast you two. We only hear what you want us to hear. Ethel why won’t you answer my simple questions? Why are the pair of you so shy?
Second, my wife had more than one affair – I have no idea why other than the fact she is/was very keen on sex. Very keen which, in my stupidity, was one of the reasons I ended up marrying her. Perhaps, Ethel, we have something in common. Perhaps your hubby saw the long blonde hair, the size eight, married in haste – still regrets to this day.
Anyway, the point is that after umpteen suggestions from umpteen commentators the thought of a meeting never got off the ground. The closest shot was when I opened a GoogleMail account to which Fi wrote. I gave her my name, telephone number address etc.
I had this notion it would be nice after all this time to meet, not just Fi but the other faces who have taken part in this blog. You must have read the exchange.
Had it happened and had Fi met me and even my current girlfriend instead of sneering from behind her anonymity she could have judged for herself. She might have still felt I was a woman hating abuser but at least it would have been an informed judgment. Not based on fantasy facts.
Comically, when the subject of the still not ex missus comes up if I say to a woman: the cow (the wife) bit me and made a mess of my hand the reply is: you probably deserved it.
Why is that funny? Because you said exactly the same thing:
“I would love to speak to the Wife and find out why she felt compelled to have an affair with another man. And the Girlfriend to find out why out she feels compelled to nag him. There have to be reasons”.
You are so blinkered by bitterness you can’t see the hypocrisy. Their bad behaviour. Still my fault. Ho ho. I COMPELLED my wife to shag my best friend. I compel the girlfriend to nag? Give me a break.
Ethel, you’re kidding!!
Maria, perfectly serious, my dear girl 🙂
No, you’re not! 😆
And I got comment number 1,000. Just waiting for bells to ring and P to appear with a cheque…
Nah, not going to happen, is it. That’s like expecting T to behave nicely towards women.
Comment 1001 too. Reminds me, I must shampoo the carpets.
I sort of think you’re alright re identity theft Maria to be honest – what can ‘they’ find out from knowing your name. It’s already in the public domain.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3294363/Helpless-agony-knowing-daughter-beaten-husband-won-t-leave-t-speak-family-s-danger.html
Well!! now what?
Sleep
What’s everyone up to this weekend? I am off to a scary hallowed thing, with a pre-scary BBQ. And am planning to have a major house tidy but so far all I’m doing is sitting on the sofa wasting time.
Well, funny you should ask that. Inspired by your tales of Internet dating I decided to put my cynicism aside for a bit and give it a go. Initially I was horrified by the crap profiles some men wrote, the massive need to portray themselves as SAS with the amount of walking, skiing, mountain biking, paragliding, Cessna flying, sailing, etc. (How we have an obesity problem in this country is a mystery). Then there are the golf fanatics that post pictures of themselves teeing off or those who drop in their car collections and/or have photos of themselves straddling a Ducati.
Then there are the short men. The site seems to think that as I’m 5’6″ any one of that height must be a match. WRONG. at least 5’10” as a minimum. Then there are the fatties. DELETE.
So my selection criteria has been harsh. But I’m going for a ‘coffee’ at three o clock today. We’ve chatted at length on the phone and he seems articulate, intelligent (IQ and EQ) so we’ll see.
It’s always interesting to see how newbies react to the false leg ( hence Peggy) this will be the tell.
What’ll your costume be? Mrs Banks, Carrie, Edward Scissor Hands, butcher of Seville ….
Good luck and let us know how you get on – articulate AND intelligent? That’s an excellent start. Clever name 🙂 Nothing as imaginative occurred to me.
Nice one, Peggy! Hope he turns out to be as you expect and you have a lovely date……
I went to the cemetery with my sister and put some flowers on my mother’s grave. It’s kind of a tradition around here on 1st November.
Now, I’m correcting tests, over 200 of them.
Not Banks obviously, Bates – bloody predictive type
Nothing 😦 Its outdoors on a farm, in the dark, and it has attractions such as Terror Trail and Panic Line. I suspect we walk round in the dark and things will stroke our hair and jump out at us. There’s a BBQ too so that’s dinner sorted.
Sounds like a fun evening Fi. I’m just getting over a cold so have made a large pan of tasty soup and plan to watch American Horror Story (season 4) in the dark, curtains closed. Nothing to do with scare factor, but having consumed all chocs intended for this evenings stream of kids, prefer to appear out rather than face the ‘tricks’.
I guess we’re all watching the clock a bit, waiting for an update from Peggy?
I’ve been out for a lovely walk, swishing through fallen leaves and squelching through mud.
In all the years that I’ve lived here , I’ve never had a trick or treater. Probably because the front of the house is always in darkness. But I’ve probably tempted fate there!
Update from Peggy: he had a call from grown up daughter and had to rush off to London. Very apologetic. Me:in pub watching Southern Hemisphere totty playing with balls, drinking cider – #nottoomiffed ! 78th minute – beauty!
However coffee postponed to Wednesday pm. Watch this space
Thanks, Peggy. I’ll put my hat back in the wardrobe then…
That sounds great too! Children have access to far too many sweets nowadays, I strongly support your decision to scoff everything yourself.
Peggy? Update? 🙂
Ethel, what you tried to do to me was relational bullying.
Why don’t you come clean when I ask what other other names you have used?
T, leave it be.
Update: well, the headline is: most men appear to lie – newsflash. Posting photos that are ambiguous to disguise
1. actual age (typically actual age must be +10 to stated age)
2. height.
I’m 48 and quite happy to consider anyone 35 – 60; providing their outlook is right – so why lie! also I’m 5’6″ and usually wear flat shoes but occasionally heels too (they just make you feel so goddam sexy – why not) so I’m looking for someone at least my height. 5’4″ just looks silly when I’m all heeled up.
So. No#1: talked for hours on the phone, but texted 12 hours before appointed ‘coffee’ time on a mercy mission for his daughter- never to be heard from again.
#2 no lies, very genuine, just no spark and 2 hours from his door to mine, which is too far to consider for no spark.
#3 v v short. Also, he marketed himself as having a dry sense of humour. I didn’t detect any humour.
Trouble is I’m not short of male attention/admirers/friends who provide benefits, but they’re not people I’d either want to grow old with and they would’nt ‘fit’ within the variety of circles I move in. What I’m looking for is some with social graces, high EQ and IQ, wicked sense of humour, financially my equal AND responsible, self sufficient – not needy or a victim of their past, reasonably fit and fuckable. Any suggestions welcome please and if they reside near the mid Wales/Shropshire/Herefordshire boarders so much the better.
The search continues, I’ve signed up for a year but I’m getting very frisky with my delete button; and that’s not a euphemism x
I know – I had arranged to meet one, and he vanished beforehand too. I assume though that he got cold feet and it was nothing personal. Maybe it was though 🙂
I have decided to take a little rest from it at the moment but I think there is truth in the idea that you have to spread yourself widely (not a euphemism either 🙂 ) to meet the right person for you? Who knows but keep giving us the updates please. Think of it as research for us when you feel your motivation dipping
So I think I’m right in understanding:
“Your mission, Peggy one-leg, if you choose to accept it, is to find out if the hyperbole has any foundation in reality. Is there really a ‘right someone’ for everyone; or is it, as we suspect, a load of old bollocks and the only way to settle with someone is to sacrifice your freedom, independence, and personal identity for the sake of another’s ego?”
No as we know it is the latter. Maybe when you’re younger you don’t have to sacrifice as much because there’s less to sacrifice as you are less of a fully formed person with an established life and you’re more mouldable. Although I think younger folk really are more egalitarian in their relationships nowadays and men no longer seem to require the sacrifices that the ones we grew up with did.
No, your mission is to see whether blokes have lower standards in what they are looking for in a woman than women look for in a man. No, scratch that as we know the main criteria is the desire to shag her, and her willingness to be up for it. All other qualities are negotiable.
Your mission then is to truly test the dating scene and to feed back to us stories of your experiences. I am trying to brace myself to dip back in to it and we could exchange tales. Maybe we could do dating bingo e.g. smaller than said (tick), fatter in real life (tick), vanishing into thin air then reappearing, brought the conversation round to sex the first time we spoke etc etc
I find I veer between thinking I just can’t be arsed investing precious time that i can’t afford on the fruitless task of trying to meet someone who doesn’t exist, when I have a comfortable life set up in the way I want it to work and lots of friends, and on the other hand thinking maybe, just maybe, there is somebody who can share my life with me, who likes doing what I like doing and we can have fun together and care for each other and now I’m older and more mature and wouldn’t make the mistakes of my youth I’d have so much more to offer and it’s now or never so better get a move on and give it another shot. So those are my two polars and probably the same as yours. But maybe we could egg each other on and keep us motivated – like if we were training for some unpleasant endurance task?
Lol – you’re on
OK. I’ve unhid my profile. Game on and let’s see what happens next 🙂
“the only way to settle with someone is to sacrifice your freedom, independence, and personal identity for the sake of another’s ego?” – quite right, especially if you’re a woman.
ok Report one. This sounds vain but bear with me when I explain this interaction from Man number 1 – Len. He says hello, puts xx at the end of his message (instant turn off we know) and says he will check out my profile. Comes back saying he is intimidated by my height. I say OK thinking WTF? Why are you messaging me to say that. Then he does back saying he would have to get used to it. WTF again? So I respond saying it is an unusual approach to contact a woman, identify something you don’t feel comfortable with about her but graciously say you would have to get used to it. He then came back saying “I didn’t look at your profile before I thought we would be a good match. I looked at your face and thought WOW.Xx”. Now (OMG what the HELL Is Michael Portillo wearing on railway journey’s on BBC2 – orange trousers, lemon shirt and lilac jacket???? ) Anyway this proves two things that I believe about men. 1 is that what men find attractive varies wildly. He may think Wow, but there are plenty that think Yuk. So this is reassuring I think to women- just because someone doesn’t find you attractive it doesn’t therefore follow that you must be unattractive. The second interesting thing, which has proved my earlier point, is that his interest in me is absolutely nothing whoever to do with my profile. He hasn’t even looked at it. He doesn’t actually even care what I’m like. He has decided that we are a good match based on my face. Re-read that last sentence again……and THAT is the difference between men and women right there.
Right I’ve now got a young man (well young to me at 42) who starts off with “dishy and tall xxx” which I have to investigate. Again note the xxx and the fact that his interest is entirely physical. THIS is why I really can’t bear doing this crap.
Oh God, it’s just so random these blokes emailing me (OMG again – Portillo now in cherry shirt and blue jacket with orange handkerchief. What the HELL?? Worse than a 70s pimp. Or a golfer.) and me trying to think of something to say back. Honestly the thing is that while sexual attraction is important to a woman it is only one little part of the package – we like men to be interesting/ share interests maybe/ be clever and interesting/ have a sense of humour/ be a good conversationalist/ read books…. For a man the question of whether they want to shag you is the main if not only criteria. This is why I just can’t be arsed with them – anybody will do, they’re completely undiscriminating, as long as she appears attractive enough for them to fancy shagging her. And I just can’t be arsed answering their inane questions or making conversations. It’s me isn’t it. This is why I’m a spinster. I am simply not nice enough. Maybe I should start approaching men rather than wait until they approach me.
I’ve had enough for one evening and pretended I’ve gone to bed to get away. Going to settle down for a nice evening with the iplayer. 🙂
How is yours going?
oh god…. “You look very attractive…..and very sexy to…..do you feel for a midnight chat?”
NO-O-O-O-O You CREEP. Just GO AWAY.
The good thing about these places is they make you realise that you’re better off being on your own
I think it’s your site. The one I’m one prohibites trawling and provides 25 daily matches based on your pre-determined criteria. 5 of those matches are supposed to be close matches and 20 are wildcard or ‘compromise’ matches. Of those I tend to delete about 22 a day. Once deleted they’re gone for good. So this reduces the amount of banal chit chat interaction as they can’t get back to me either. Also, I’ve only posted one iPhone photo taken by my son. No professional photo shoot, minimal make up and not even looking into the camera. This seems to be paying off as upon meeting the reaction is wow you’re so much whatever whatever in the flesh. Also I don’t interact with folk who can’t be bothered to write a reasonable profile as I suspect they’re the ones who are up just for a shag and are probably married. Which on this particular site, because if it’s closed nature, I suspect would be quite an easy deception to get away with. But I stood up Dr. Farrari owner from Stevenage tonight who I’d scheduled to call as I couldn’t be arsed. Too tired having been up since 4:30 and decorating all afternoon, plus the sciatica’s playing up again, probably something to do with wrestling with the only erection in my life at the moment: shelves!
🙂
AM switching sites.
I briefly signed upto a site called plenty of fish but quickly withdrew when every single encounter just wanted an anonymous shag. One persistent guy, after much dirty emailing (which was reciprocated) couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to travel 80 miles for sex. I tried to explain that I can get sex locally from a known (healthy, uninflected eager, willing and fit) participant; I can’t get a suitable long term partner however.
Ladies,
If the interests of furthering the research, I put my profile back up a few days ago. The messages I’m receiving have been a source of amusement ever since. It seems I’m now of an age where the over 70s think they stand a chance, even if they are a couple of hundred miles away. One message from a 72 year old said simply “Hi I’m Bob xx”. He was in your area, Peggy, and I’m not, so I wrote a polite no thanks and got a lot of attitude back in return. That wasn’t going to make me more interested.
Peggy, do you mind me asking what your year’s subscription cost?
It was one of they’re veery ‘special’ offers, I’ve there’s a new one every third day or so, and for a year it worked out at just ove r£200 or £16 something a month
Thanks, Peggy.
My oldest was 78.
78.
I’ve joined up with Peggy’s site but haven’t yet finished my profile. I am sure I saw something about a 3 month membership being £39 or thereabouts which seems quite reasonable to me. You have to answer loads of questions and then it does some kind of analysis and presents you with information on your personality which it then uses to match you with someone like you. The report on me seems extremely accurate i have to say. The site seems to have crashed at the moment so I can’t get back in to finish my profile but I have been asked by a bloke to provide my picture so it seems that people can’t just surf pictures. Which is good. Try it as you can join for free.
78. Good grief. Viagra?
TBH I can’t be doing with going through all that rigmarole. I was merely curious. When I was originally net dating, I joined paid sites and saw the same faces on them as on the free sites. If they weren’t worth meeting for free, they certainly weren’t worth paying to meet.
Look forward to hearing how you get on though.
To be honest though unless he had put up a much younger picture (i.e. in his 60s) he was still attractive. And he had a great personality. And he would have been fun to do things with. But there was no overlooking the fact that I am not looking to be a carer for an old man and that’s where he will be soon. Unless he’s dead of course. And so neither option makes him appealing to me.
I’ve had a message from a local man whose profile says he’s 64, but looks more like 74 or even 84. I cringed, I’m sorry, but I did.
I don’t want to be someone’s carer either. It’s enough to do to look after myself.
I think there is something ….. unpleasant about a bloke of that age chasing younger women. I mean they aren’t thinking about what they are actually asking for from a woman that says yes to them or the impact of their age and infirmity on her life. May be 78 now and fit(tish) but fast forward 18 months and he could be in a wheelchair with a blanket over his needs and you pushing him along. Banned from driving. Unable to get upstairs. I think I would consider my potential impact on somebody else and wouldn’t be chasing after someone almost 30 years younger.
Fi, when you said “a blanket over his needs”, did you mean knees, rather than needs? Freudian slip perhaps? Had me giggling.
I completely agree with what you’ve said, as is so often the case. And it might not just be him in 18 months’ time. What if it’s me in the wheelchair and he doesn’t have the ability left in him to push me along?
I don’t suppose any of them are actually considering anything that far ahead. I’m sure it’s more that they want to pop a Viagra and give a younger woman a good seeing to one last time. What if they drop dead on you?
Was just looking at the profile of a man of 66, who’s stated age range was 38-60. I can’t see any woman of 38 being that keen on a man of 66.
I’ve had some more messages in, but I’ll report back on those later this afternoon. Must get off here and do some housework, which actually interests me more at the moment!
I know ‘blanket over his needs’ is a typo but I think it’s more likely accurate – lol x
Absolutely! It’s make me smile. 🙂
I had a message from an oddball yesterday evening, in which he makes remarks on things in my profile which need correcting (not typos) in his opinion, and then going on to invite me to chat.
He has misunderstood how the settings on the site work, so I’ve written back to politely explain and wished him good luck with his search.
I know, I’ve just had Brian from Cheltenham’s third “Hi Babe/y Bx”. My reply was honestly I need a bit more than Hi Babe/y to start a conversation. Must try harder ….
Just spent a couple of minutes deciphering this…
was very interested IN your self but See your not looking for a life partner? I am shame you do sound good x
Ethel, the emphasis on the word ‘IN’ particularly disturbs me….
Apart from this, obvious no-hoper, have you had any interesting ones?
Jude, I’m not sure, to be honest, I think he may just be inept with a keyboard. He lives miles away from me and also is spending the winter in Spain, so quite how we would have been able meet for a quick coffee to start is beyond me.
It’s the assumption that because they might want a relationship (for which, read ‘sex’) with me, I should want a relationship/sex with them. I prefer to date as friends only first, rather than get shagged and dumped as soon as they find another woman to pursue.
Interesting? No. The interesting ones are about as common as Unicorns, as Maria pointed out! I’d settle for a good honest bloke who wanted serial monogamy, if we had enough interests in common. Don’t think he exists though.
He could be an EasyJet pilot?!
Depending on which part of Spain, Maria could suss him out first then, if he passes muster, send him back in the Spring to you!
I’m with you on the dating as friends first – shagging and dumping is a youngsters game….
Jude, that’s had me laughing 🙂 He’s retired but that was a good idea! He is also more than a foot taller than me. I want someone I can look in the eye without standing on a ladder!
As to shagging and dumping being a youngster’s game, plenty of older men would like to try the goods and then decide not to buy too! I’m not a pair of shoes in a shoe shop!
Haha, brilliant analogy – that had me laughing. I’ve not tried internet dating for a few years. Part of me is now inspired to join up and have another go. Although I have to put my hand up and admit I’m totally guilty of living vicariously through yours, Fi’s and Peggy’s admirably intrepid efforts.
🙂 Thanks, Jude. Glad I’ve made you laugh.
I like living vicariously too, it’s so much less effort! Been swapping messages this afternoon with a man who is only about 5 miles away from me, but a few years younger. He wrote initially to agree with something in my profile. I think he’s bored though, it’s his day off from work and he says he’s feeling demotivated. I suspect I won’t hear from him again after today!
Captivate him with something witty and it could be the start of a friend thing….maybe…
Hmmm, not sure I’m all that bothered!
Had a message from another blokey. Read his profile first, which says he’s looking for a woman who is open minded for friendship and fun. Er, no, that’s a Fuck Buddy that you’re looking for!
Message says “Hi I think you have a lovely profile and you sound like a lovely lady. xx” I’ve responded with a polite thanks and good luck and, for once, he’s wished me good luck too instead of getting antsy about my rejection. Doesn’t make him any more attractive to me if he just wants ‘fun’ without commitment. I must be getting old.
And his latest message says…
“So gloomy now, I just need a cuddle to warm up!”
I’ve suggested he gets a cat. Yes, really.
Oh ffs. He’s morose, miserable and wants a ‘cuddle’ (shag) – he’s really selling himself, isn’t he?!
…great reply though. “Get a cat”….brilliant!
Yep, got it in one. He might as well have said “I’m only chatting to you because I’m hoping for a sympathy shag”.
Turns out he does have a cat, but she’s noisy. So I asked if she plays the trumpet? So difficult to take him seriously now.
Got another one writing who seems ok so far and is more down to earth than the first.
Freudian indeed!
Pegg’s site is quite expensive – it is £34.95 a month for a 3month package at its cheapest. I now have to seriously consider this – there is no point in me forking out £100 for something I’m not motivated enough to utilise properly, but at the same time if I’m serious about meeting someone then this is probably my best bet..decisions….decisions….
If you’re paying monthly or quarterly, watch they don’t auto rebill you either.
A few years back, I was working with a woman who was on a monthly subscription, and when she tried to cancel it she got stuffed for another month’s payment because they said she was a day too late. She was not amused and was giving it up because the men only seemed to be after one thing. Can’t remember which site it was.
I was on one of the big sites many years ago. Think I remember the name, but won’t put it here just in case. Anyway, they didn’t rebill, so I had my month’s membership, did not renew it, and then the day after it expired I started getting messages from seemingly suitable men. None of the potential suitors had photos which made me suspicious. The site was later proved to have staff who made up profiles and sent messages to you to get you to rejoin so that you could read the messages.
Jude, are you suggesting I try the pilot first and then pass him along to Ethel? I don’t think she would appreciate my leftovers. Besides, I might like him and then what?
Oh no Maria. I wasn’t suggesting any sort of test drive. Just a quick report along the lines of ‘does he look like his profile photo’, ‘does he appear to be single or is he a girl-in-every-port type of guy’…..etc. Then Ethel could decide whether its worth keeping in touch with him until his return in spring. Obvs if he turns out to be drop-dead gorgeous and you fall head over heels for him…well, that’s between you and Ethel I guess.
Oh no, Maria you are welcome to him, but I don’t think you would want him either. But thanks for the laughs, Maria and Jude.
So Mr I Need a Cuddle stopped writing to me. There’s a surprise. Disappointed? Not in the slightest!
The other one, I’m a bit concerned about. He has only head and shoulders photos and hasn’t ticked the box to say what build he is. I’ve got a feeling he’s a big bloke. And I’m not big.
He’s also widowed only six months ago. He said his wife’s death was a long time coming and they talked about him moving on afterwards. I’ve got an uneasy feeling. Too soon?
Six months widowed does sound soon, but I guess its all down to the individual and he might actually be well and truly ready to meet someone…difficult to say without meeting him. Guess you have to go with your gut feeling. Are you able to ask him about his build – does he go to the gym, for instance might be a clue?!
Jude, thank you for your opinion. Brilliant advice on how to broach the “are you a lardy arse?” question too. He’s only just messaged me today. I’ve written back blandly for now.
Fi, where are you? Are you ok?
“Lardy Arse” – haven’t heard that expression in years! 😉
He says he’s always been pretty fit, walks for a couple of hours every day. And he’s an ex-Marine, but thinks that puts so many off. I’ve asked for clarification as to why.
Hiya – am loving your chat! I just haven’t had time to contribute. Ex – marine? Go for it. How could any woman NOT go for it. Bet he’s still fit, and strong, could definitely handle himself in a fight so would make you feel looked after (or is that only me that would find that incredibly attractive?) ver-r-r-r-r-y masculine (again, only me?). Think I am hot flushing 🙂
Lovely to hear from you Fi, and glad you’re ok. He’s had another job since leaving the Marines, was with them for 22 years and judging by his age probably have been at least another 15 or more years since. But yes, I thought hunky, strong etc and also coming over all warm… 😀
With you there Fi – I like the feeling of being looked after (haven’t felt it for a couple of years now, and do miss it).
Think he’s worth a phone call Ethel – you can tell a lot more by voice and intonation, and the person becomes that bit more real…..
I don’t remember the last time I felt looked after. Oh woe is me!
Not looking to be looked after really. Got used to being independent. Quite capable of making my own decisions. But I want some male company.
I am in two minds about Mr Ex Marine. He said a few things that rang alarm bells for me yesterday. Not bad alarm bells, but bells nonetheless. I’m not going into detail here. It’s all too easy to assume it’s just a few of us girls reading, but I’m well aware it isn’t.
Would love to be able to post a link to his profile, so ‘us girls’ can see it, but again for the reason given above, I’m not stupid enough to do that. That would put a different slant on your advice though, as you’d see far more of the man than I’ve written about here.
I see that comments are coming up out of order again, making nonsense of what we’re writing. Can’t we all go somewhere else to continue our discussions?
Ex-marine?? You mean big, strong, protective… I can definitely see the atraction. I had a boyfriend like that when I was 17, he worshiped the ground I walked in, but he was always getting into these huge fights where he would beat to a pulp several guys at a time. I ended up feeling afraid of him, he could kill me with a single slap, so I dumped him.
Well… Mr Hunky Ex Marine… I was able to work out his surname… Typed his first name and surname into Facebook, not really expecting to get a result from it, but there he was. Page open to the world. So what was I supposed to do? Leave it and not look? Come on!!!!
I already knew he has a double chin, but his strong shoulders don’t look so strong, and he has man boobs and a big blobby paunch too.
Something on his FB page that put me off: his idea of a good shopping trip is a crate of lager and a bottle of vodka. All to himself. And there were other things, but I’ll not post them here.
He hasn’t messaged me since Tuesday afternoon, and was online yesterday, so it looks like I’m history anyway. Suits me! 😀
You sleuth! Oh well, at least it stops you from wondering… Onwards and upwards, as they say.
Thank you, Jude, I’m taking a bow! Should really have been a detective… 😉
Peggy, you might as well be looking for an unicorn. Good luck!
I’d consider compromise to some extent if the chap in question ticked the boxes – there has to be someone, somewhere who’s just an average joe with above average intelligence – I’d even compromise IQ (a bit) if they made me weep with laughter. So I refuse to give up all shred of hope, and besides the particular web site I’m on is called ‘unicorns R us’ so fingers crossed x
Yes! If he makes you weep with laughter he’s a keeper :)) Good luck to both of you, hope you have fun along the way.
OMG – I’ve just googled to see if there is a name for a Unicorn hunter, he he. Did anyone know that in relationships there is such a practice! An established heterosexual couple who seek a permanent tri-way relationship with a bi woman. So by this definition I’m not – I should be so greedy! I’d settle for an established hetro relationship.
Are you sure you’re on the right website if you’re looking for a heterosexual relationship?
It’s Elitesingles really. And it is definitely a heterosexual relationship I’m after
And, social circles is not a snobby thing but I socialise with joiners, plumbers, builders to firemen and policemen (😜) to gentlemen farmers, business owners, and the odd title or two. So they have to be able to flex and hold their own across all strata – and that’s not a euphemism either.
Sorry, Sock Popper – I’m sure you will find what you are looking for, it’s just a numbers game.
There was a woman on Bargain Hunt recently teamed with her new husband. She said he had been her 37th internet date.
I think you might also be making a mistake mentioning your boarders, it could be very confusing.
But this age gap thing, I think you are wrong. As you get older the gap is magnified. That girl I met through Encounters who was, can’t remember, around twenty two years younger had been going out with a bloke thirty years older. If sex is important what do you do when you have an itch and he can’t scratch it?
Age is mushing my memory but I am sure I have mentioned the occasional drinker (alcoholic), no children at home (three in fact), eight years older than she claimed complete with professionally taken and airbrushed photograph woman who was so pissed when we met the first time she fell off her chair in a pub.
And a friend discovered his wife was five years older than she claimed when he found out she had inked in a “3” on her birth certificate to make it into an “8”.
Anyway, for my birthday the dogs gave me three books. I opened the first. “Dull Men of Great Britain”. She watched giggling. She thinks it is funny to take the wazz. Men who collected road cones, beer cans. And I could join the Dull Men’s Club too. Hysterical.
Next a book on mindfulness which she thought was a hoot. Why passes me by.
Finally, a Puffin (?) book on the Husband. A spoof, a piss take from beginning to end. Ho ho what fun. To have a good laugh at my expense and on my birthday too.
Fast forward to Saturday, people round. Out come the dogs’ presents. Women in tucks at my expense.
Women are such hypocrites. Laugh at them. Not amused.
Hey ho.
I saw those books on Amazon and fleetingly considered them for my ex (or his new squeeze) for Christmas from the kids but thought it too trite.
As to age, you might be right, I wouldn’t know as I’ve always gone younger – disgracefully so at times. There must be some virile silver foxes out there, otherwise where does the expression, dirty old man come from? 😳 Or was that just referring to ex BBC employees
Pleased to see you are all buzzing again.
Thought I had put a spanner in the works – finally poisoned the blog.
And you Sock Popper. If you are really buying presents for your ex husband have a star from me.
Always TL. Birthdays, Christmas, promotions and house warmings- what goes around comes around. It’s karma innit
Lucky escape Ethel!
Our Ethel? Clue me up Fiona, what nearly got her? What’s she escaped from?
Been sitting here over my coffee frightened to death.
Convinced myself her ex husband tied her to a railway line only for some kind person to cut her free at the last minute – just as she was about to lose her head and feet – and as the train approached.
Choo choo, clickety clack choo choo.
That sort of thing?
Fi, Maria, Jude, Peggy… For your comment… I’ve just received this:
“Hello? I have read your profile interesting, but I had to write in because the photo of you and any other parties, which is very important, if you do not look right there will be no interest in reading people profiles.”
There are “no other parties” in my photo. I think he’s probably been in the pub all afternoon.
Words almost fail me.
I think he thinks he’s doing you a favour by pointing out that in your photos you just ‘don’t look right’. I bet he’s an absolute picture himself, isn’t he? Nice of him to spend some time helping you in this way….
Exactly! Describes himself as average build, but has a huge belly.
I wrote back pointing out a couple of things in my profile which he obviously had not read and blocked him. I can live without any more drunken missives!
My latest message is from a man who says he wishes I didn’t live so far away because I look like a foxy lady. In your dreams!
Nice article here http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/what-its-like-to-be-a-middle-aged-dater/ featuring an interesting phrase about “Standard bearers”. Beautifully written as always …
It is a nice article, but I find it curious that P used to refer to Mr and Mrs Standard Bearer a long time ago.
Curious? I refer you to http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/aug/23/back-in-the-game-dating-in-your-50s – another fine article, very much in the style of our hugely-missed blogger …
You’re a sly one James B. I had sometimes wondered what it would take to bring you back to this blog. Dynamite, as it turns out.
Yes!
It’s a good article and it had me laughing out loud, but I don’t think it’s “our” P.
Let’s not speculate. The author went to lengths to keep it anonymous and I wouldn’t like to see it taken down or whatever someone would do if they thought their cover blown.
I agree!
Oh fuck! Candida Crewe is P??!! I don’t think so, P is much more sad, melancholic and pessimistic. Besides, Candida ends up by admitting in one of those articles that single life is great, something P never did.
Exactly, Maria.
Why does it matter who P really is anyway?
Ethel and Fi, I’m sorry. While some may find your circumspection and motives admirable, there’s really no question here. James B has P unmasked.
I agree. Too many similarities in their lives.
The similarities could be plagiarism. Or coincidence.
Ethel, get real. Have you bothered to google? Ever wondered how P was able to send her children to private school even though she didn’t have money herself? You will find the answer. Ever wondered about the frequent references to her “fat arse” or her “capacious arse” when she turned out to be a size 8? She has written a book on it. Ever wondered about her good looking ex-husband who was successful in his own way but not driven by money? You will see for yourself (and he IS rather). Ever wondered about P not going to university? More of that too. Ever wondered about the air of shabby posh and her ritzier West London set? All is revealed. Ever wondered if she took up with another younger man? Well done, P! She’s rather lovely is P. And she’s foxier than I had imagined …
Not to mention the age of her son who she reported as being sexually active at 15 a year or so ago if I remember rightly!
Zoe… Blimey! Get real? Charming! I’ve been busy being real in my real life, rather than living vicariously by Googling other people.
So come on then, explain to me who she really is, because I’m too busy at the moment to do the research.
No lucky escape for our Ethel? Maybe it’s the other way round then.
I remember it well, the talked up dating profile, the selected photograph only to quickly find you were in touch with a complete banana.
It’s a bit like this. The delicious Davina (Tenant) and the seedy Mr Friel (Gray) slip into the cupboard. In the dark, Mr Friel slides his hand up Davina’s thigh where lies (or stands) the truth.
Are you on drugs?
I wish.
….. and they all lived happily ever after. Glad to see everyone’s being nice again.
Ho,ho. Yes, a big ha ha.
I just couldn’t rest last night. The head was spinning.
Woman abuser. Twat. Now, substance abuse has reared its head although you do have to make allowances for someone who spends time in the conservatory perfecting a George Formby tribute act. That is just not normal.
But it could be worse. I could be male cannon fodder in the internet dating game.
Imagine, imagine I thought, if I were a time served marine mollycoddled by the forces then ejected lonely into the harsh world of predatory women – women who did not care whether I have a dose of PTS via some horrid incident, living in one room in a shared house with nowhere to go except drink. Women for whom I am just a figure of fun, who are free of the thought that summary rejection might damage me even more.
Could be worse couldn’t it? Names don’t break bones.
Good grief, are you lot still here?
No.
Fiona, you likkle fibber you.
You are adicted. We all know your bottom lip is out.
Malcom comments at one in the morning you are on to it before six.
I want to see you happy with a bloke who suits and understands you. And I don’t mean a deaf mute.
Oh hell that’s torn it….. the spelling.
Hey T, a deaf mute girl (especially a deaf one) wouldn’t be a bad choice for you either.
T, just kidding. 😀
Oh Maria, gone off women, Nothing but trouble. Take that Fiona for example. Lips have to be permanently glued in the kissing position to her backside otherwise she sulks.
It’s never me of course – Saint T Lover lives here.
In Portugal – do you have the big Christmas/New Year we have over here?
And do you ever come over to the UK? How do you polish your English?
And did you see the Telegraph headline yesterday? Political correctness killing free speech.
Christmas/New Year’s Eve is a big thing around here. Everybody goes crazy, I don’t particularly care about it myself. I always go to my sister’s, she’s a wonderful cook and also great at pastry, so a great meal is always guaranteed.
I have never been to the UK, I recall my English speaking skills reading blogs like this one and English sites, I particularly like the Daily Mail, it’s great fun. I’m not familiar with The Telegraph site, though. What was that headline about?
So, you’re single at the moment. I bet that’s not gonna last, soon you’ll find some other psycho to bust your balls.
Burst my balls? Or was it bust your balls? That was a line from the mean green momma from outer space (role sung by Levi Stubbs of the Four Tops) in film re-make of The Little Shop of Horrors.
I don’t need to find a phsyco…..I meet them and they instantly turn, nothing to do with me of course.
You have a good Christmas.
Hopefully, in the New Year, Fiona will have stopped being stroppy and we can find out whether she has trapped.
Have a great Christmas, T and a jolly New Year.
And where is Fiona, really? Has she met the one and didn’t tell us?
And to you Maria.
Fiona – I hope she has and wish she would.
I’m here – I’ve just been busy with visitors and finishing work etc. The usual nights out and buying presents. Have a happy christmas you two, ad indeed anyone else who is still lurking here 🙂
And to you too. Hope there is something nice under the tree and don’t forget Santa’s tot and pie.
What is it? This sort of burning to know what people sound like, look like, do? And why they do what they do and why I still comment on this blasted blog. Or, for that matter why I did it in the first place.
Every aspect of men/women/relationships/trapping methodology seems to have been chewed over but I still look a couple of times a day: is there a new comment?
I know Maria is a fed up teacher. That Peggy has a toy boy. And that Miss Bates was a lawyer, Was it James B who was a shrink. Lydia was two men? Fiona plays the ukulele (the Ukelele Orchestra was on the radio this morning) and that she is a tall Jock.
Largely however, anonymity has been complete although it would not take Kojak a nanosecond to locate and identify two or three from their comments.
So when the blog’s author had her nightie lifted why was I fixated by the Google revelations about her, her life, her family? By typing her name into Google there it was – the lot.
My preconception was that anonymous bloggers were anonymous for a reason. In this case perhaps because she could pour her heart – say the indiscreet – without her children/friends/familyworkmates getting the inside track. Not really true was it as there were comments in the old days from a relative.
Why would anyone write that sort of stuff about themselves and put it in the public domain? What do the kids think? If my thing was serial screwing with older women I wouldn’t take a megaphone and tell the world about it. Is that what feminists do? Tell the world that they can do what they think men do but in their case with three balls?
Her world is not mine. Whose world is real? Am I offline because my world is different to hers? And the repeat question. Why am I still commenting? Why did I type the name into Google and why did I have a good read?
She did it to put things off her chest, she couldn’t discuss these matters with her kids and the husband dumped her. I’m glad she did, I’ve enjoyed this blog immensely.
And what do you have against feminists? I’m a feminist and I assure you I don’t have three balls.
Me too – it was a lifeline at times – you know when I felt really down.
And getting stick was sometimes a big help – realising there was always another way to look at a situation.
But feminism – what a question. I suppose it’s like religion. You can have a code by which you live without being a Christian and I suppose I see people who add a label to their way of life as zealots.
Example: in the early days I had comments deleted by her. Example: tongue in cheek I tried to comment along the lines I was with the Saudis – women caught driving ought to be given half a dozen lashes. That comment never hit the blog. Wrists smacked.
I giggled. it was only a leg pull and she could not see it coming. Humour by-pass. Such a serious subject that to laugh is a sin.
Well, it was a leg pull until I read Ethel deliberately speeds up to stop trying to make a living white van man overtaking. Perhaps the Saudis have it right? Ha ha.
The way I feel about it was sort of summed up in Charlie Brooker’s 2015 Wipe which, in Portugal, you might catch on YouTube if not on BBC iPlayer.
Just before half way “Philomena Cunk” does a piece on “feminine-ism” and an interview with an earnest Professor Mary (whatever) from some London University gender unit who doesn’t seem to twig the rise is being taken.
Sorry, clumsily put but it’s Sunday morning.
Honestly T, I don’t know why women think you’re misogynistic.
Fi, I couldn’t agree more – it’s a mystery.
And here are my New Year resolutions for Miss sorry Ms Fiona. Cancer free 2016. Pleasurable new job. You shouldn’t have retired. A proper bloke.
How many times do I have to say that I am working? But doing something I enjoy, supplemented by my pension. Watching my investment of my lump sum grow.
Answer one could have been: thank you for thinking of me – it turned out this temporary job turned out to be better than I thought. Taking redundancy was the right decision, I am actually quite enjoying it.
All the best to you too, thank you for thinking of me.
Alternative (actual) answer: you dumb idiot, can’t you read?
Feel as though we are married!
“Why would anyone write that sort of stuff about themselves and put it in the public domain? …Is that what feminists do?”
Because TL, in the old adage, the personal is political. And these days, in the world of diminishing monetary returns for scribblers, it sells copy.
Rather fascinating too, wasn’t it?
Don’t know what to say because were, I honest, I would be trespassing on the personal which I don’t want to do.
Why has my nose grown to 36 inches reading the Google results? Why have I looked a dozen times? More.
Happy Hogmanay folks!
Happy New Year 2016 😀
This blog has been the best I have ever read. The community that formed around it has been a literate oasis in an increasingly banal digital desert. It has reminded me of the early days of the Internet where one could find thoughtful real time chat rooms based around genuine areas of common interest. I hope that all of you find happiness and peace. Thanks, Miss P for some magnificent writing and I hope that your talents as a diary-keeper return to the public domain.
You are not alone in this, the exact think happen to me, my ex husband left me for a younger woman, even though I was 12 years younger that him. He had a relationship with a woman 25 years younger that him, she could be her daughter, and to me that is too much age difference. Since them I understood that men with desires for eternal youth are so pathetic and immature. They don’t understood the worth of real, sincere, honest, mature woman. They live a lie if they think that a relationship of mutual exploration is going to fulfill them. In the end they paid big time, because they never found real happiness in their love life, though so many times they prefer keep living a lie because is less painful that facing the true. Frankly they are so dysfunctional that I can go on and on, but I just want to say to you that you should use yours crisis like an opportunity to develop your inner potential and spirituality, there are all the answers…
His message to me:
Hi, my name’s ____. I’m actually 42 but I’m looking to meet someone older than myself and the system wouldn’t let me search for older so I had to put my age older on my profile. Sorry if that sounds dishonest but its the only way I could get round it. Anyway I really like your profile and love your pics so I thought I’d say hi. I haven’t got my pic on my profile for a genuine reason but I’m happy to send you one if you’d like. Hope to hear from you x
My reply to him:
Hi, my name’s ____. I’m actually 59 and I’m looking to meet someone around the same age as myself, so I have no problem with the system letting me search for that. I haven’t lied about my age and I’m not dishonest in any way. Everything on my profile is the truth. I do get bored with messages which say they really like my profile and love my pics. Especially when the sender plainly has not read my profile. So no, I don’t care what you look like, or what you’re like. You’ve lied in order to be able to contact me so you don’t fit what I am looking for. You said you hope to hear from me, hence I’m replying to let you know what I think. Enjoy the rest of your day x
PP, I think that’s a tad harsh. He sounds genuine. And had a genuine reason. And was immediately forthcoming with the ruse so there was no room for misinterpretation. Surely we can be more generous with those who openly come to us (with “hope”) looking for a connection? In tone, at least, if not in action. But then I like younger men who like older women, so I suppose I’m biased.
I see P is still writing, if anyone’s still out there and interested: http://life.spectator.co.uk/2016/03/on-with-the-slap-in-the-hope-ill-be-tickled/
Hello!! Thanks for posting. It looks like one of her old postings from here actually – I’m sure I’ve read it before, or maybe not. I’ve just spent the last hour reading through all the comments and conversations on here and chortling away. They are amusing. Sad, I know, but I think I may start again at the beginning of the blog and read it and the comments again.
You’ll need to pack a survival kit for that. I wonder who’s still plugged into this? Perhaps we should designate a rendezvous and see who turns up. The Survivors.
I feel quite attached to this blog in a bizarre way – it’s like when you come across old photos and remember people and things you did. And we did have a laugh on here too don’t forget. 🙂
Hi, Fi!
Hiya. How’s things with you and what has been happening in your life? Still got a groping boss? hundreds of cats in your back yard? Putting your now excellent use of the English language to any new use? Commenting on other blogs? Hope you’re well.
I’m good (as far as I know), still have the same job, have just one cat, I moved and no longer have a backyard. I often read other blogs, Portuguese ones, but none as good as this one, though. This was really special. It’s a shame Candida Crewe decided to drop it, and you’re right, I’ve read that post already in here (the one in Life posted by Zoe).
Funny, I was just thinking about you two – http://www.the-saleroom.com/en-gb/auction-catalogues/kerrytaylor/catalogue-id-kerry-10002/lot-80266d25-e8f9-466a-a0d7-a60f00ed450a
I don’t like Madonna but do like the idea of a conical brassiere.
The idea of Viking funeral, a flaming arrow fired by a woman in an outfit like that – preferably a woman also wearing a horned helmet – just tickles me.
The arrow hitting its target to the finale of Tristan und Isolde.
The markswoman wincing as one of those cones is caught by the bowstring.
Looks like a great way to leave this wretched planet. I’m not sure about the cremation part, though. I’m alergic to very hot temperatures.
Hi, T Lover. How are you doing? Everything ok?
Just fine thank you Miss.
Got the financial application sorted – a settlement after eight years of separation – it is good in some ways and bad in others.
Financially: much better than I thought.
Emotionally: a mess. I have lived in my house in the hills for a long time and will be sad to move. Relationship with my daughter is not getting better – I thought it might when everything was settled.
I’d love to live in a house in the hills, I live in a flat and I hate it. In the back, all I see is the rooftops of the blocs of flats around. I wish I could see trees, birds, a squirrel or two… but I can’t afford a house like that.
Oh well T. Getting divorced is depressing as even if you want to do it it’s still a reminder of our hopes when we were young. After all very few people get married hoping to get divorced, and so it’s a reminder that it’s an end of an era, a severing of ties, and that things didn’t work out as we wanted. You just have to mourn it.
But then you move on. 🙂
Divorce – it’s all a mess in ways I didn’t expect.
I wouldn’t have the wife back for a gold clock but even though it’s all nearly over, here I am wide awake at 3.30.
The wife spent £30k on lawyers. Imagine that. For what?
Not much to giggle about at the moment.
Anyway, hope you are both OK. And anyone else who is still around.
Sitting, bleary eyed, a bit tired – not sleeping well – in an upstairs room staring at a soggy landscape. Way across to a misty moss two miles away.
Having a day off. Well that’s a misdescription because I suppose a day off is a day in the garden drinking, reading the paper and having a drag.
Anyway, not at work because the divorce is over, the house is on the market needs cleaning and the first to view is coming tonight.
Not easy is it? These massive upheavals.
Did you see that programme on Channel Four last week (the week before?): Kinky Britain?
My office used to look across between the buildings opposite to the back door of a brothel (sorry a massage parlour) about 100 yds away. My accountant and I used to exchange notes about went on although neither of us had been in that or any other massage parlour. Honest. He was a very religious – born again type – New Zealander and happily married or so his wife told him. But we both found it fascinating.
They had a dungeon, apparently. Huge cars used to arrive at the back door. The thing I couldn’t get was the number of women who were dropped off by their husbands complete with kids in the back. How could they do that?
Kinky Britain. I had a couple of glasses and knew there was a thimbleful of Scotch left in a half bottle. Thinks: I just fancied it but only a bit left and how to get every last drop? Thinks: if I turn the bottle upside down I could drink it from the cap.
Well, great idea but it ended up in a pool on the kitchen table complete with post supper remnants floating on the top. I had already watched the girl who sold footage of herself sucking then biting the heads off jelly teddies and was trying to watch a stretch about pedal fetishists (women pressing the accelerator pedal unable to start the car) as the whisky disaster struck.
How sad is this? Trying to watch a girl pressing an accelerator pedal whilst licking (me not the girl) the kitchen table?
Will things improve?
Hi T, things will improve surely, just think your divorce is finally over and you can move on.
I’ve been enjoying my holidays, well not really, since it’s scorching hot here in Portugal and I hate this fucking weather, so I’ve been staying at home mostly. I wouldn’t mind having a nice garden to have a stroll in and enjoy the view.
So you see, it’s not all bad, you have your health, a few quid, a nice house, the rest will come by soon, I’m sure. Stay positive, T.
Maria, come and bask in the wet and cold up this miserable summer free summer.
The neighbours cut my fields for hay. The best cut is June – when the seed stalks are still green.
It is now August. It remains uncut. The seed heads are brown and the grass is like a flat wet blanket.
Anyway, jump on a plane to Ringway. I don’t think Fiona is speaking to me (or anyone else!) but she could come too.
What I meant to say was: up this miserable summer free hillside.
And that no-one was speaking to me – not Fiona.
You don’t see the light for focussing on the tunnel. The silver lining for focussing on the big black cloud. The other door opening when the door slams shut. You choose to look for things to make you depressed and confirm your miserable view of the world.
Life’s too short to spend it trying to cheer up someone as bloody unremittingly negative as you 🙂 Apart from Maria who is extremely nice and tries
Light in the tunnel – it’s the taxman with a torch.
Saturday just gone I was at a wedding. Bride and groom have lived together for a while. They are both 30. The groom was so so slushy about his new missus talking about loving her forever. He went on and on.
Deluded or what? Me, married twice. Happy to start with then both relationships jumped off a cliff. First wife: I am not sure why. I think it was (lack of) sex – she was only randy when she wanted a baby and I thought I’m not living the rest of my life biting bits out of the pillow in frustration.
I then married a younger model who was extremely interested in sex. Too bloody interested it turned out. As we got older and the kids legged it for university it looked as though sex was the glue that had held us together because we certainly had nothing else left in common.
Which way will Saturday’s couple go?
Fast forward to this coming Saturday. For reasons I don’t want to go into I have cried off a birthday lunch invitation. The old girl is 90. I am ashamed for not going.
Anyway she had been married twice. She told me her first husband was not “sexy”. They did not have sex on their wedding night. She left him for a widower who was and they lived happily together for 50 years until he dropped dead in the first week of June.
Happily? Successful alright. Had a place in Florida, another in London plus a house in the midlands with an indoor swimming pool and staff accommodation. They travelled the world on business.
In ’73 he broke her nose and knocked out two of her front teeth. In the early eighties he kept a mistress for three or four years.
His recent neighbours called him a gentleman. What a foul arsehole he really was. A bastard to the core. He has left everything to his daughter. His 90 year old wife? Nothing. He is frightening her even from the urn.
Marriage? Bah
I agree that marriage sucks, I don’t know one single couple that is happy, the women are always bitching about the husbands, the men always looking for something on the side, what hipocrites…
I wouldn’t mind being in Scotland right now if it’s cold up there…
I don’t want to be married as basically I don’t want to compromise or share, but I think there are lots of benefits – I have a couple of friends who are really very happy, as are my parents. Mind you my friends have been married for 30+ years and I guess it takes a while to work out how you work together as the first year or so was not great for them. I guess it comes down to making the right choices at the start, then making compromises to keep each other happy until the rewards of the relationship outweigh the disadvantages.
Scotland is cold and wet. The temperature here today is 16 degrees. I don’t think I’ve had my cards off since May. And this is a good summer as sometimes it doesn’t come off at all.
Hi Fi, how are your holidays? 16 degrees??!! Here is 42 today and it has been like that since early June. It’s awful, every year there are huge fires, desolating…
Re marriage, my parents had a happy one, they got along fine, both liked to travel…, but still my mother had to manage the whole thing: money, children, bills, all the house work, taking care of my elderly grandmother, etc., I don’t know how she did it. My father was lovely, loved him dearly, miss him every day, but even though he loved my mother, he never missed a chance to cheat on her. She knew, of course. When they were young and dating, when he left her he would go straight to the brothel, she thought it was ok, since he was a man and had needs she couldn’t fulfil because she was expected to stay a virgin till marriage.
How about that? I say it isn’t worth it, at least for women.
Eeeeew. I wouldn’t want my man doing that. And so I’m not surprised you think about marriage that way. From what you’ve said before it seems you live in a pretty sexist country – obviously people here have affairs but the notion that men should visit brothels to have their needs met, and that it is the norm for them to have affairs is not something that society endorses here.
I’ve just left my job (again) after a year and am now looking for something else, something bit more rewarding. Of course it is easier for me as I have a (small) civil service pension that means I can be choosier than most people about what I work at, but I’m expecting very soon to hit the wall and have people tell me I’m too old to be employable. I think my low boredom threshold and need for freedom is a major factor in my reluctance to end up settled with anybody – although having said that I do keep my friends for ever.
I can’t stand the heat and if I ever have to take my cardi off I’m becoming too hot – I’d just sort of assumed though that everyone in hot countries liked it. But 42 – I can’t even imagine what that would be like. Even London is too hot for me. I just get really bad tempered.
Tell me about it, I’ve been living here for 54 years and still haven’t gotten used to this heat, besides I’m convinced I’m going to die in summer, in a especially hot day. Re my father, bear in mind that if he were alive he would be almost 90, so it was a very long time ago. Anyway, I think that now it’s more or less the same thing, they don’t go to the brothel but they meet other women on tinder. I’ve had several married men trying to chat me up, so there you have it.
I have the hots for someone I see at one of the places I work every now and then. I am sure – just in the way you know these things – that he has taken a fancy to me. And yet there’s a vast, and I suspect unbridgeable, gap between us – a total absence of any work/colleague/project/office overlap. One of us would have to take a risk that I fear neither of us is prepared to take. These opportunities are exceedingly rare – a fact to which this blog has paid ample testimony. And yet I find myself quite incapable of devising a plan to make anything of it. What a waste!
I know exactly what you mean. Then you start thinking Oh what’s the point, it will all be a massive disappointment (or is that just me??) so you don’t even try.
However as these things happen so rarely you know you really should give it a shot. You could always just try holding his gaze and smiling at him for a couple of seconds and see if he smiles back or if he takes that as encouragement to take the next step couldn’t you?
Where do you see him?
Hey Zoe, this is a stupid suggestion, but how about smiling to the guy? Maybe he’ll feel bold and approach you. Just don’t take the first step, it’s up to him to do that (just my opinion, of course).
Zoe, give him one of those silly waves girls do best. Flat hand windscreen wiper across chest and, as Maria suggests, a winning smile. Next time do it again. If you get a smile/wave back you’ve cracked it. If, next time, he doesn’t acknowledge you you are in trouble.
But remember: it’s a numbers game. You might get the KB, But it isn’t you. The cause will be under the sea, the bit of the iceberg below the water, something you don’t know about.
Heard the lad’s expression “Faint heart never f****d a *** tart”? Go for it and if you flop there’s millions more out there.
In a vast space, where we belong with different unconnected groups. And only very occasionally. Yes, it seems daft not to “give it a shot”. but what that would meaningfully be, I’m not sure. The situation feels faintly ridiculous. But as we’re both in our fifties, somewhat reassuring that it can happen at all offline.
How much can you cope with rejection if he doesn’t want you? I think the better equipped you are to manage it, the more blatant you can be. Do let us know what you do though – I like to believe in romance (for others obvs) 🙂
I see P has been complaining about her financial situation again: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3717215/Why-women-clueless-money-successful-author-asks-barely-pay-supermarket-shop.html
Oh for God’s sake – I don’t understand why she keeps telling stories about herself in which she basically broadcasts to the world how incompetent and useless she is.
And if she has no money she should do what the rest of us do – get a job we don’t necessarily want to do to pay the bills. Especially if she has children, as she can choose to go without things if she doesn’t earn enough as a writer, but it isn’t fair to make them go without. For God’s sake she should get a job in a shop or something to support her earnings. I spent over twenty years as a civil servant doing jobs I didn’t particularly like to support my kids and only chucked it in after they’d left home.
And here;s another moan about how hard her life is and reminding us she’s actually middle class and these things shouldn’t happen to her:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3666705/The-unspoken-truth-middle-class-single-mother-lonely-difficult-path-choose.html
Fi and Maria. Thank you both for your advice. Somehow it feels that after living more than five decades on this earth and having made it into the 21st century we should be able to come up with something better than smiling and waiting. It’s seems so inefficient! You may well be right, though – I can’t think of anything better. “Don’t make the first move”: I hate the passivity of it, Maria. It’s this that threatens to push the whole episode into the absurd – the keenness of desire and the impossibility of acting on it.
Well it is passive, but if you don’t want to put your cards on the table and want to back track if necessary then it is the easiest way to do it. I know they say you only regret the things you don’t do, but I still smart when I think of a bloke that made it clear he wasn’t interested in me after I was more open. 🙂
Yes, quite. Though rejection is not easy for men either. Which is why, when you add it all up, I think the chances of something actually happening are close to zero!
I know but I need to live my life vicariously through you 🙂
That’s just the way I am and from my experience the more aloof and uninterested you seem, the keener they are. You seem to be bolder than me, so go for it and tell us about it.
TLover/Per Vert, thank you too for your input. The windscreen wiper wave is new to me. I can’t say that I have ever knowingly deployed it. I might not be wise for me to attempt it now. A novice is sure to mangle it in some way. But this idea that “If you get a smile/wave back you’ve cracked it.” troubles me. The thing is, I think we are already both aware of each other’s interest. We haven’t had a perfectly choreographed exchange starting with the windscreen wipe or anything. But still, we have both signaled our interest which has been half-acknowledged at somelevel. The problem is that this STILL leaves a gap that only boldness or recklessness can bridge. Which brings us back to square one. (He has perhaps more “face” to lose than I, as he has a senior and established role in the organisation, while I simply flit in and out every now and then.)
One thing I have found reassuring though, is that he is older than me by a few years. And while I had come to think that I now can only find younger men attractive, this is clearly not the case. I wouldn’t swap him for the handsomest and fittest 36 year old. And that, I reckon, is progress.
DOn’t do the wave or you’ll look mad. Just smile. And then next time you see him smile again. And again. Eventually either he will smile back and approach you, or he will start avoiding you. But that way you haven’t put yourself out on a limb and got a knock back, and he is encouraged to take the necessary action.
Well you haven’t done very well so far – practice the wave. It’s a positive signal.
How old do you say he is? Will he see the windscreen wiper?
Fi, well, last time I encountered him completely unexpectedly in the corridor. We stared at each other and then he gave a broad smile. I was so startled to come across him in such close proximity (this never happens) I couldn’t quite manage a smile. So I know things could go better, but still…the gap…
T Lover. The wave. No. Fi’s completely right. I would come over as demented. I don’t think the windscreen wiper wave is for the over 30s.
He’s 59.
Prepare yourself so that when you meet him again you aren’t caught off guard and you just give him the broad smile back. 😀
Well, I’ll bear that in mind when I next come across him at close quarters. At current rates, that will be in 18 months time.
It is 6.25 in the early evening and what have I got to be unremittingly negative about today?
Aunty Fiona is right as usual – I feel depressed – although sometimes it would be nice not to have my face rubbed in the fact. The same fact of the matter is I am negative all the time nowadays – I plead guilty. So give me a break.
I am in the same room pretending to do paperwork but really slurping a G and T staring at the same view or rather in the same direction over the Moss which, today, is wrapped in sunshine.
Here we go. I feel lonely. I am working. A job I cannot bottom and which has stumbled along for two weeks. My son didn’t tip up for a gossip and to sharpen my chain saw chains. My farmer friend didn’t turn up. I need him urgently to help mend the access road. The first viewers have said no because the road through the fields needs a lot of work. Don’t want to frighten off any more house customers scared of my king size potholes.
A pal and his missus did land unexpectedly but I have a teensy weensy (spell?) suspicion it was because his long haired boss wanted to see my long haired boss. I know this because I saw her reaction when I revealed mine no longer hung upside down in my homestead – she preferred another roost nowadays.
And the bad news. Well, on the scale of things, this bit is not too bad but has p****d me off. That woman I “met” via the net four or so years ago but never met despite well I can’t describe what the despite actually is. She emails every now and then. We chat. We giggle. She wants to meet. Her son works in Edinburgh. Must do it soon. She was on the ‘phone for an hour this week. Flirting. She already had a wedding dress.
So I email to say: Ok, I’ll pay your fare, meet you at Macc. The weekend after next. Reaction? Complete silence. She has done this three or four or five times. The buzz must be to get the bloke on the hook and then blank him. Bitch.
In a month or two she’ll be back pedaling the same we must meet up spiel. Were I in a position to administer the treatment the cure would be a red hot poker up the jaxxy. How many blokes has she lead on and disappointed? Bitch.
But this is the really bad news. When I first qualified I shared a house with three other blokes. One went back to London and three or four years later married his girlfriend. They are still together.
Five or six years ago he called and said he was in trouble. He had a girlfriend a (South African) whore, a madam in fact, her home had been raided and he was frightened that there might be paperwork linking her to him. I was speechless. He loved a frigging whore. Where were his brains?
His missus is a truly lovely person although one of those women who has not got better with age. She is not attractive and if they slept together I am a monkey’s uncle.
Every time I see my mate he wanders wistfully through his memories of the tart and I look anywhere except at him..
His wife has inoperable cancer. My friend seems to have suddenly woken up and is bricking it. His future will be lonely. He has already admitted he is staring at four walls whilst she is in hospital. And no-one to buy his incontinence pants.
Who decided that this was the way their life together would end? Is it a relief for her and a cruel punishment for him?
Hey ho.
Well T. Surely you didn’t expect sympathy from me 🙂
I hope not anyway as you aren’t going to get it.
But Rather than ignore your plight, here’s another bit of advice that someone separate from you can see, and I’ve given it so many times before I’m not even going to soften my words. But I won’t be giving it again.
No wonder you are lonely – you have few friends and you’re probably not very nice to them. Who knows what this woman is up to and why she turned you down. Maybe if you had happened to mention that by a strange coincidence you were going to be in Edinburgh the same weekend she was and what about meeting up for a drink then maybe she would, but offering to pay a woman’s fare to your house then makes her feel indebted to you, wonder where she’s going to sleep, and maybe wonder what’s wrong with you that you’re so desperate to get her down to your house you will pay her train fare and she has no escape if she doesn’t want to be there/ you don’t get on. I would do exactly what she’s done – drink somewhere neutral, Yes, paying my fare down to your house, absolutely no way.
Calling her a bitch though – not once but twice – well we’ve been here before with discussing your attitude to women (see also the “Tart”). You could always assume she has a valid reason for doing what she does. or ask her why she does it rather than leap to the conclusion that she is a bitch. Maybe she has a valid reason (to her) or maybe not, but there’s always an angry undertone when you talk about women – it’s never confusion about what they do, it’s always anger. And you could just stop taking her calls like the rest of us do when confronted with people who behave in ways we don’t like – just move on, chalk it up to experience, thanks but no thanks, rather than getting angry and all worked up. I think this anger against women will be sensed by women that you meet, not just women on these pages. And that’s why I think you are unsuccessful with them except for the mad ones. You need to calm down and stop seeing everybody as out to get you, give them the benefit of the doubt, be nice to them so that they WANT to see you rather than doing it out of obligation. Why do you come on here and say nasty things about the women you encounter? It’s never nice things. Always slagging them off. What do you think women on here are going to say? There, there it’s all their fault? You know that we won’t. I guess you do it because you have nobody else to listen to you ranting. Start meditating. Go out for long walks and calm down. Stop brooding and encouraging that bad tempered troll in your head which always looks for the most negative thing you can think about someone, choosing to think the worst of people. Live and let live. Chalk things up to experience and move on. Try and see things from other people’s perspective. Most of all though try meditating to calm down.
Can’t vouch for the meditation bit, but other than that, I have to say that Fi is 100% right.
Meditation – it’s either that or drugs. 🙂
Well, I dont’ agree with Fi, I think the woman is indeed a bitch, what I don’t get is why T keeps answering her e-mails, I would have cut contact the first time she didn’t reply my invitation.
And even though I’m a woman and a feminist, I don’t think all women are nice or decent. there are a lot of crazy awful ones.
Maria – T has asked you to visit him. It’s cool over here and you hate the heat in Portugal at the moment. You’re on holiday from school. Why haven’t you jumped on a plane?
Are you f*cking serious? Scotland is very far from here and I would never jump on a plane to meet some strange man I’ve never met, not even if he looked like f*cking George Clooney. I’m not like that and I’m not looking for anyone, I like being single (believe it or not). I will say this though: I like T, (from what I’ve read on this blog, that is).
That’s my point. You wouldn’t “jump on a plane to meet some strange man I’ve never met, not even if he looked like f*cking George Clooney”.
That’s probably why she won’t either.
Yeah, but I wouldn’t keep e-mailing him, either. Women are not all pure and angelic, you know?
I know! But I like the men and women I hang about with to be fun, tolerant and easy going. I limit my exposure to high maintenance, demanding, argumentative and insane ones. One thing I’ve come to realise is that ‘birds of a feather DO actually flock together”. And people like t have a higher tolerance for behaviour that makes others run for the hills which is why he gets saddled with them time and time again. As he says she has cancelled previously because she had a spot!! That would be a red flag for me and make me wonder what sort of lunatic does that. But T? nope, he issues another invitation.
Maria, Fi is absolutely right. You don’t know a man and he is offering to pay your fare? There’s no way that’s going to make you feel comfortable. TL offers to do this because he thinks he needs to buy the woman. Not a good start – and, if she goes along with it, this will feed his resentment. And, yes, TL has a persistent rumbling barely veiled hostility towards women – most, but not solely, in the language he uses to describe them. It’s not only unappealing, but will tend to create an escalation of hostile relations. If it is true that TL encounters “bitches”, they will be bitches of his own creation
Ok, would you continue e-mailing a man that made you such an invitation? I wouldn’t, maybe she indeed likes to lead men on and make fun of them. And I don’t think T is deliberately hostile towards women, he has a sarcastic personality, I don’t think he means it.
I will say this though, he does have an eye to pick the really crazy ones.
Ah well, Zoe and I both think he DOES mean it. He’s still amusing though, but he definitely does mean it. In fact it is so ingrained that he doesn’t even realise that he does it and gives himself away with his denigrating language about women – tart, whore, bitch in just one post today.
Hostility – that’s exactly the right word. I think you’re completely right and as the hostile relations escalate, due in no small part to his provocations and the fact that he has probably attracted unhinged women in the first place, this will then confirm his view that all women are mad and bad and out to get him. Things will just keep escalating until we see the drama that he’s talked about before on these pages. The saner ones will simply hear him rant a couple of times, or feel uncomfortable with his propositions, and stay out of his way.
Ok, I still find him highly entertaining and enjoy reading about his love life.
I offered to pay the fare because: one, I know she hasn’t got a lot of money. Two, I said the gentlemanly thing to do was for me to go to Somerset but if she wanted north I would pay. Something wrong with that?
This woman is eccentric and makes me laugh. But she has a screw missing. The first time we arranged to meet she cried off saying she had a spot. And so on every other time.
What winds me up is it is always her who makes the proposal and always her who then disappears.
I don’t give a monkeys. I have never had any problem – contrary to what Fi (who has never spoken to me never mind met knows as facts) attracting women.
Some women get a buzz out of this sort of stupidity, maybe men do too, but the thing that makes me cross is they don’t give a damn about the effect on the bloke who might not be as thick skinned as I am.
Yes, she is a bitch. Sorry Fiona.
I don’t think you have any Problem attracting them. And she is yet another ‘with a screw loose’. I think though you have a problem attracting and retaining same ones.
SANE and well balanced ones
I love a bit of hypocrisy.
Recognise any of these phrases?
A Right Bitch
for a younger cunt
She sounds a complete cow and profoundly off-putting
Prickly, chippy, difficult, charmless, defensive, shy and rude and a right bitch
and rude and a right bitch
Well, just remind me, were they said of a woman by a woman?
And your reaction was?
But Fi, lesson learned. In future the pal’s squeeze on the side will be a senior sex worker not a tart. Not a whore.
But I have to admit Maria – wise decision not to jump on that plane. Should that be: in that plane, I imagine she wouldn’t travel strapped to the roof. My perversion is Portuguese teachers. Why is there a teacher shortage in Lisbon? The answers are buried in rows in my front field.
That’s what’s wrong isn’t it? As a body women assume men have to be treated with suspicion unless proved otherwise. I see Maria as a proper balanced person, probably both interesting and amusing. Why not put your spectacles on? Can’t you see an act of kindness?
If she wanted a free break in the UK she could have the keys. One condition: small backlog in the washing up department.
Hmmmm – I can’t see any hypocrisy. I’ve always been just as irritated by P’s criticisms of women.
You never take the slightest notice of what feedback other people give you on your behaviour and the things you say. Fair enough you don’t have to but stop moaning about the same outcome over and over again, and then continuing to do the same thing that leads to it. Maria is probably the only person in the whole world who gives you the benefit of the doubt now. As an excellent speaker of the English language but from a different culture I think though that she doesn’t pick up on the nuances in your language that all the other women here do.
Steady on Mistress Fi, you are ganging up on me again.
Next, you will be wheeling out Ethel the abuse hunter, scourge of white van man.
I like women who are potty.
I don’t like political correctness.
I don’t like people who do things not caring about the effect it has on others.
When I get back I’ll see if I kept the eMail telling me she had the money from her Father’s estate, how she was looking for a house in the borders, was coming up (son in Edinburgh, cousin between Alnwick and Coldstream) time to meet up at last.
I say no, been round this circuit before and gone off women. Weeks later I get another eMail saying come on, hows about it? Fool me says OK I’ll come to you or pay your fare if you want to come up.
I then realise I’ve been here before when she does not respond save to say she is busy and will respond next week. I reply: don’t it was just a silly idea. That’s that.
She is a bitch.
Thanks T for your nice words. Hope everything goes well and you’ll finally meet your friend, maybe she’s just been very busy and you two will finally get together.
Fi, maybe you’re right and I’m not picking up all the nuances in T’s speech, but I still feel he’s a nice person, even though a bit cranky and politically incorrect.
Don’t really want to meet her, what’s the point when she’s, what, 200 miles in the wrong direction? Haven’t got the energy with so many other things to do.
Now, hadn’t quite twigged Fiona you were a civil servant? The land of all enveloping political correctness. Really? Brill.
Which branch?
Tickles me this “zero tolerance policy” these civil service departments have – and the health service.
Me: Hello, I’ve come for my appointment.
Response: you’ve missed the last three.
Me: No, you have sent the appointment cards to the wrong address three times.
Response: but you’ve missed the last three appointments.
Me: No, you have sent them to the wrong address three times.
Response: you’ve missed the last three.
Me: Don’t think we are getting anywhere here can I speak to someone else?
Response: That’s a very rude naughty boy, T Lover. We have a zero tolerance policy towards rudeness. I hear Ethel spotted you a mile off and headmistress Fiona is waiting in her study to show you the cane.
Me: (in my mouth but never emerges) I have a zero tolerance policy too. I’m not wasting my time with someone who can’t understand English. What was actually said (meekly) was: I’m off. Bye. Whilst thinking: if you lift your tail I’ll shove your zero tolerance policy right up your astrakhan collar.
Methinks, darling, you have been brainwashed at work into a very silly way of thinking.
Hurry, on the news….Jazz Carlin, Rio, waving at the camera.
Didn’t look demented. Looked quite normal to me.
Here’s another.
Flat feet. Orthotics appointment.
Full name? T Lover.
DOB? 5.11.1908
Address? (use imagination here but up a wet hill devoid of living Portuguese teachers)
Occupation? Excuse me do you think T Lover has sent a doppelganger to this appointment complete with flat feet?
I need to know what you do. (I happen to know the NHS staff in these low grade appointments ask two security questions to make sure the person in front of them with the flat feet is T Lover not an impostor) So I give my occupation. Massage parlour owner. And does that make my feet flat?
Here we go again. We have a zero tolerance policy towards rudeness.
But it’s true. I own a (former) massage parlour.
Do you mind if I see someone else – bye.
And here’s another.
Hernia. Waiting all day in one of those mini night dresses for op.
Question: have you had a recent visit to the dentist? False teeth?
Answer: no.
New nurse: have you had a recent visit to the dentist? False teeth?
Answer: no.
New nurse: have you had a recent visit to the dentist? False teeth?
Answer: no.
And so on all day until: this: T Lover the surgeon is almost ready could you make your way to theatre on the next floor?
On the next floor. Your name is T Lover? Yes. Scuse me how did you get here? I walked up the stairs in my mini theatre gown. Fireworks. A porter is supposed to bring you on a trolley. Really? No-one told me that.
Then, nurse: have you had a recent visit to the dentist? False teeth?
Answer: no.
Minutes later T Lover is wheeled into the anteroom to the theatre for the anaesthetic. BTW, the anaesthetic has marvellous breasts.
Nurse: have you had a recent visit to the dentist? False teeth?
Answer: not since you asked me five minutes ago.
Nurse: we have a zero tolerance policy towards …at which point T Lover passed out care of Dr marvellous boobs.
So, how did the hernia operation go? Did you ask miss marvellous boobs out?
Well. Maria, if I tell you will you stop Fiona hurling more crap at me?
Over a while I used to get these horrendous cramp type pains and discovered the cause was a hernia next to my belly button.
Then another appeared in my George W Bush. Then the night before the repair operation I was shaving my George W (a medical mistake) and found a third this time to the other side of my George W Bush. So I had three done and no it did not go well and no I never saw the apprentice anaesthetist again.
Now then, the detail is a bit of a tale. But will Fiona beat me up again?
Provocative!
Can’t tell if you’re having a laugh or did really have an operation. Fi is right, your posts do have these nuances that are too much for me. Be serious!
Provocative? Course it is but you two are setting me up.
Before you go for the chop you have to go through this sort of counselling – do you both really want to do this?
In my case the answer was a big “no” but what could I do? The wife told the Doc I really meant “yes”.
So later, there we were me and the grumpy GP discussing the fate of my down under department and me thinking it would be so much better if she had the hot knitting needle. Would it be possible? Would it be possible for you to persuade her to have the needle? I could slip you a few bob.
I already had a tense relationship with my bad tempered doctor but the bung suggestion didn’t go down well.
I got a second opinion. I had a consultation with a doctor friend in a boat whilst drifting down an Irish lough. He thought it was hilarious.
I remember my Grandmother telling me my guts would have a cement blockage if I swallowed chewing gum. I believed that for years. As we were fishing I was told my nuts would shrink to the size of peas if I had the ‘op. You see it was through disuse. I still believe him.
Local or general? Local because you don’t get the post general hangover. Fair enough except the locals had to wait until the end of the list.
In the interim I had to shave. With one of those old fashioned razors. The type with interchangeable blades. I insisted I wasn’t doing it dry, it was bloody painful. I went to the loo. Have you ever tried to shave in that area whilst standing on tiptoe leaning against a basin lathering up with hospital soap?
Fast forward. There I was complete with one of those security screens across my middle (the police use them to keep the public out of a crime scene) presumably so I could not see the crime they were committing to my wedding tackle.
A bit of banter with the urologist. The theatre nurses. One of the nurses suddenly announces: Mr T. Lover, this is the smallest set we’ve seen all day.
Years later I was at the theatre. In the interval I could hear the young couple behind talking about the very same urologist. One of them must have worked with him. Let’s call him Mr Reah. I turned. You talking about Mr Reah from Stockport says I. I did his vasectomy. He’s got a very small set.
Indirectly, my vasectomy lead to the end of my marriage. I discovered my wife was, clandestinely, taking the pill. Hey ho.
anaesthetic – Anaesthetist
I have been pondering the question of timing. I went to meet an ex-boyfriend the other day. Supper was the plan. But he turned up at the bar laden with a lever-arch file of reading. The casualness with which he was willing to ditch our dinner date for an evening of swotting was unexpected. And disappointing. I had thought from his initial email, “Ive been thinking about you a lot, let’s meet for supper”, that he might have something important to say.
We had lived together once. Considered getting married, before the question of children blew us apart. He wanted them: I didn’t. Despite the apparent irreconcilability of our positions, we might have found a way through. But in our miserable final year, neither of us could find the right words at the right time.
After we resolved to split, we each tried in our own way to change the course we had set. But like some hapless love farce, we were never in the same space at the same time. A heart-felt letter from him; a desperate New Year’s Eve call from me – begging him to come to the house party we had originally been invited to together; him sitting in the living room of my newly purchased flat, still cluttered with moving boxes, saying, “Let’s not do this.” We always missed each other by a whisker.
Things moved on. He got married, had two children. I did my own thing.
Even though I hadn’t seen him in years, I was the first person he called when he and his wife decided to separate. It did occur to me – and I’m sure it occurred to him – that we might get together again. But, the separation barely begun, it felt too unseemly even to acknowledge this, let alone act on it. It could wait.
Not long after, he started seeing someone. Casual, he said. It’s just sex. When he and I met up for a drink over the coming months, he would talk about the difficulties he was having with this relationship. The problem was, he said, he didn’t want any kind of commitment, and she was frustrated by this. He didn’t love her, he said. It wasn’t that kind of relationship, he said. Later, when she wanted to meet his children, he refused. He didn’t see the point in mucking his children about.
Now, you will recall, perhaps, Plankton’s warning that the window of opportunity between a man’s ending of a relationship and beginning a new one was as narrow as a thread? Funny, but overblown, I thought. We had all the time in the world, he and I. And, anyway, it was unsporting to interfere.
When I saw him on Monday, he showed me a photo of his children and his girlfriend. It had been time to normalise things, he said. “Do you love her?” I asked. “Do you know, I think I do”, he said.
I’ve been there too. The hardest bit is trying to not think that if only you’d done something sooner, or not done something earlier then…
But thinking like that is the way to madness 🙂
I don’t see what you could have done differently. It wasn’t meant to be. What the hell happened at the little square at the top left side of my comment? I didn’t change my e-mail.
Zoe, how are you today? Men things don’t seem to be going well for you at the mo, do they? About as successful as me and women. Well maybe not that bad.
Anything on the go with older man in corridor? Did you give him that wave? You know the hand jive thing?
I waited at Manchester Aiport – no Maria.
I waited outside the Besom – no Fiona.
I waited inside the house – no girlfriend.
Bah.
T, you live too far away; if you lived nearer, we’d be friends, for sure.
Maria,
I love you too.
I can see Fiona as she reads this….fingers down throat.
Do you think she is on holiday or choking after reading what you said?
Neither, Fi is great, I like her a lot. Maybe she’s got better things to do than keep up with the blog.
I’m still here ! 🙂
I’ve been a) looking for a job since I handed my notice in as my last one turned into shite and b) doing my 10,000 steps a day and c) playing my ukulele and d) spending time with my adult kids and friends and e) gardening. Nothing exciting but enjoyable nonetheless. Oh and I was away for a few days with friends catching mackerel and lobster and pilling veg from the garden. And I’ve been growing potatoes. And I’m doing a course with Edinburgh uni on Music theory. But I need to get a job – god it’s such a pain and it appears that nobody actually wants my skills! Who would have thought it? 🙂
It’s the same here, once you hit 35 you’re too old, that’s why I never left my job.
Maria, you asked how the operation went and I told you a completely different story.
The short answer is: mixed. I lost my then girlfriend as a result.
I am sitting in full public view in the house in Coldsream – in the kiitchen necking a couple of mugs of strength 5 to help me face a day de-nailimg.
If you are interested and if I can face setting myself up as another coconut on Fi’s shy (I think I have told the tale before?) I will bore you tonight.
I could do with someone tall enough to reach the beans. Where is Fiona when you need her most?
Shit, I’m off – a woman has just past the kitchen window.
Oh dear – passed
Jeez, beams not beans.
T, I’m afraid you’ve lost me there, couldn’t understand a word of that commment of yours, except that you were at home, sitting in the kitchen,
Yes. Please tell us the story of how you lost your girlfriend. Also who was she? Was she the dramatic one who played the piano and had that affair with the teacher that you contacted the school about and she had 2 of your dogs and there were tears/ fights all the time including once about a cucumber if I remember rightly, or was this a different one? And if the latter can you please provide some context on how you met her? Many thanks in advance. I’m sitting down with a glass of wine and prepared. 🙂
Well Fi, sit on my knee and I’ll tell you a story.
Once upon a time there was a young man called Master T Lover. He was very naughty and promised to tell his niece Fiona a tale of high passion.
Unfortunately the naughty Master T Lover was been diverted by a lady from across the square who arrived with a spliff and is unable to spell never mind carry on.
Fi, it was a different one – the Ginger Controller.
God you get through them. What happened to the hysterical actress/dog stealer then? And when did you meet the one who left recently? And who is this woman trotting across to visit you with a spliff when you’ve only been in Coldstream for 2 minutes? Details please. 🙂
Get through them? Women? I wish.
I’ve been around since early, the rain woke me up. Goosed.
The across the square woman has nothing to do with anything except she is bombed most weekend days and arrived with a spliff.
What else did you ask?
1. How did it end with the hysterical actress?
2. How did you meet the Ginger one? What happened with her and how did it end?
3. How did the random from across the road get to the stage of popping in to see you with a spliff?
Thanks for the update.
Fi,
I believe – bugger I can’t spell – that , something I can’t remember.
Can we leave this until my head clears?
Were you to stop the political correctness bollocks and tip up – I would be more frightened of you trying to interfere with me than t’other ways about – I could tell/show you all.
Yrs
T Lover
I’m politically correct?
In real life I can’t even stand Woman’s Hour on Radio 4 as I find it too irritating and tiresome, and let’s face it we are talking Radio 4. Not Channel 4.
In comparison to the way you see the world though, I can’t say I’m surprised that you think that. 🙂
Yes you are and will you stop putting those little yellow round things at the end of your messages? Never mind see the world I have to squint to see if you are in a good mood or bad, smiling or scowling.
I don’t like Woman’s Hour so I can’t be politically correct. Er, sorry.
Well I see why you’d prefer to think I’m politically correct rather than you being a Neanderthal old fashioned sexist. But that doesn’t make it true though 😊
“you being a Neanderthal old fashioned sexist.” – Ouch!!
You’ve done it again – another tiny yellow face. Ah, yes you think you’ve scored a direct hit it’s smiling.
A bit lost with all these questions.
The Ginger Controller. First girlfriend after the wife left.
Met? We used to have meals in the hut after a day fishing. I had spoken to her about river issues through her work. A man who works for us on the river had met her and said she was so big she travelled by low loader and would have to turn sideways to get through the hut door.
I asked her to one of our meals, she turned up with a bloke I assumed was either her husband or a boyfriend. My jaw hit the ground. She called to thank me for the evening and asked me to have dinner with her. Yes, yes, yes.
The end? Two days after my hernia operation.
I still think of her most days. On this hand I know it would not have worked but on the other she was the bees knees.
In our time together she (examples only) drove from the Borders – 200 miles. Had a strop because I wanted to watch a DVD. Walked out within half an hour of arriving and drove home again.
I asked friends for a drink. She would not do it – she would not socialise. She packed her car, left and sent a text to say she would come back if I cancelled.
Etc.
Maria, the house in Scotland is a town house. No front garden, kitchen at street level.
Strength 5 is strong coffee.
Have you ever read “No-one hurt in small earthquake” the story about the days car doors were hinged at the back? The photographer who reckoned he would make a packet if he threw himself to the ground as Princess Margaret was getting out of her limmo. Logic: he could get a shot up her skirt.
So, anyone walking past my kitchen gets a similar view, in this case of me wearing a tatty old pullover and nothing else. Got it?
What else? The Coldstream neighbour? A neighbour who lives nearby who happens to be single.
Is the neighbour hot? Why don’t you take a shot at her?
Maria, please.
On Saturday night she asked me if I had read any Grisham. Said she couldn’t remember his first name. She had been reading a Grisham book about a lawyer.
Then she asked me again. Again. Again.
I guess we had the same conversation five, six, seven times.
Of course it might have been something to do with a glass of wine and (in her case) at least two spliffs but it did become a bit tedious.
Sunday, in the evening, she asked me again – twice.
So no, not my cup of tea. At my age I am looking for something more.
Like a nubile Lithuanium member of their Olympic squad. Age 25 – 35. Someone who is low maintenance and in return for a mention in my will would be prepared to clean my backside and push me round in a wheelchair.
Put my mug back on “Encounters” though. My profile has not yet (underline “yet”) gone viral.
What do you mean not gone viral yet? Do you mean it’s not live?
Neither. Tried for a couple of days without a sub. Then paid and immediately regretted. So, I hid the profile. Then thought sod it, I’ve paid put it back.
Back it went then at 4.00 am yesterday I sent a leg pull message to a woman from Essex (she was taller than me) and she blocked me. We obviously didn’t share a sense of humour.
I then thought blow this. Hid it again. In summary: have a profile. Have a subscription. Profile hidden. No-one looked at it so not gone “viral”.
If you want to see it ha ha ha I will put it back on for an hour if you tip me off you are ready.
YES!! I have to confess, knowing where you live (Coldstream) and your approximate age (58 – 70) and that you are on the Encounters site, I had to check it out. The only one I thought it could be was someone called why_whynot as it looked to have the right amount of cynicism, same type of humour and likes dogs, is divorced and has grown up children. But then this bloke describes himself as ‘going with the flow’ and I thought, hang on a minute……
OK, Fiona.
You are miles out. My home address is SK23. TD12 is (at the moment) a second home.
Try the user name “DrUnderhill” – I will leave it for an hour and then it’s coming off again.
Don’t ask about DrUnderhill. It does not seemed to have put anyone off yet despite the connotations.
And remember that when asked how truthful I had been answering questions I said: not very.
Oh no – I missed it. Can you put up again?
Fiona, this profile will be on and off like a bride’s nightie.
I want to go home.
Do a username search for DrUnderhill or look for an 87 year old in SK23.
Quick.
How old is that photo? You look pretty handsome. I can see why women let you off bad behaviour that other men wouldn’t get away with.
Cheek. What bad behaviour?
Oh, I remember, now. It was child abuse, or Misogyny or sodomy or a combination of all three.
Funny profile too. I understand your success now
That it? Can I go now please?
Success? What success?
All I want is a vanilla relationship with a sane woman (is there such a thing?) but all I get is orange coloured Essex girls with the monika “Melons”.
So I’m not playing the game any more.
You can – although I think Maria should get to see you too.
T – if you wanted vanilla and a sane woman you would have had that long ago. You pick the ones you end up with.
By success I was referring to your ability to get them and being chased by them (e.g. your neighbour with the spliff).
That’s it, gone.
Bye Bye Dr Underhill.
Why? why? If you want to get different women then maybe change the way you present yourself. I think you’re funny, but it could be that women looking at your profile will know that much of what you’ve said in it is rubbish, but not know how much is rubbish, and they may think you’re funny, but if you were a bit more honest about yourself you may get more interest from the normal women who wouldn’t have to wonder if you were actually 87?
Are you ever going to move to Coldstream or is it always going to be your holiday home?
I am in the office with my two dogs and three more belonging to a neighbour. Chaos.
I am in the wrong frame of mind to be looking for a woman at the moment.
I was dropped into the dog situation at the last minute by a neighbour who knows I am a softie. Her husband is away for three weeks and she works.
Today, I had the bad news a friend in London has “days”. I am going to drive down on Friday, sleep in the car, see her in hospital on Saturday morning and drive back to a garden like a jungle a house like a tip.
Just too much to do.
Coldstream. The idea is I am going to live there full time but it is 200 miles from my son and grandson. He works shifts and does not have regular weekends so how we will manage to get together at that distance, I don’t know.
To satisfy your noseyness, Google Wright Marshall and SK23.
Hey T, can I see your photo too? Please.
No, I won’t. Fi said you’re handsome.
Going down is a nice thing to do.
There are a few houses on – it’s not …..the farmhouse is it? If so I can totally understand that it would be impossible to leave.
Can I have the street and number for your Coldstream house so I can compare and contrast on Google street view? Like a proper stalker??
I don’t know without looking what houses they are offering, but yes it is a farmhouse type property.
I need to leave asap. My time is up although it will be a drag.
On my own, I can’t cope.
Coldstream? Completely different. Market Square. The big white place opposite the fire station. Didn’t want to tell you that because I have spent a lot of money, the Google pictures don’t show the new window bottom right that replaces the horrid 50’s window and all the other work that has been done.
Inside it is a lot nicer than the outside.
Making apologies now – the fact is I am chuffed with it and hope I am happy there.
Maria, at home the broadband connection is slow and breaks up. I am not sure whether I want to become visible again but if I did it would be for minutes when .I knew you were online.
Warning: you will be disappointed.
Thanks for being so forthcoming. It does look nice. And big enough for you to have your son and family come to visit for holidays, and then when your grandson is older he can visit during the holidays for fun times learning to fish.
I’m sure you will be happier there – you will be part of a small community (always nice to be part of a place where you recognise and say hello to your neighbours) and at the same time there is enough going on and enough people around that you can interact with people and do things if you want – even if it is just pottering up the street to get a coffee and pass the time of day with folk. Your other place, while lovely, is quite isolated and it would be hard not to feel lonely there.
When are you moving there and what’s happening with your job or have you retired?
I am lucky and yes, many of the things you say are spot on.
The house is actually bigger than my present home. It has three floors which is not obvious from the outside photographs.
There are problems. My boy is a forestry scientist and gave up his job to move back because it was closer to his wife’s job in Manchester. He cannot now get a job round here that suits and is working shifts in a job that doesn’t. The pattern is five on three off which makes the logistics of coming to see me difficult.
Coffee? Too much alcohol is a worry.
Work? Will never retire. Was a slave in a former life.
Got to dash.
No, I won’t. Fi said you’re very handsome.
Maybe ‘handsome’ isn’t the right word. He’s not a pretty boy but he’s very attractive. Or was back in the day when the photo was taken. haha.
TL, not so much “not going well” as “not going”. As for older man in corridor, give that I last saw him in July, my likely next sighting will be December. Thanks for checking in, though.
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The girlfriend lives just a couple of hundred yards from the woman I am going to see today in London.
The girlfriend has suggested I might like to stay over and we could have a talk.
I am hopeless – I have no spine – made worse by the fact I feel lonely and overwhelmed by my situation. All the things I have to do. I don’t want to do it but am weak.
She is bright. Did her A levels two years early and was the head girl of her school at 15.
She is also a striking looking woman – appeared in ‘Allo ‘Allo, once – albeit now getting a bit past her best with, unfortunately for me, a very outgoing personality.
Recently at a wedding, a bloke at the next table kept turning round and staring. As soon as the band started he came across and asked her to dance. Once she has had a drink, that’s it. Off she goes and I can’t stand it. I am self conscious about dancing especially dressed for a wedding but she turns into a monster.
At the last but one wedding she must have danced for an hour and a half. I can’t bear it. I was sober/driving. She had had too many.
I went outside and wandered round on my own. It was one of those weddings miles away. I knew the groom’s family and had briefly met a couple of other people but otherwise knew no-one.
I went back to the cottage (ten minutes drive away) checked the dogs, drove back. She was still at it.
The last wedding. Off she went again. She dragged the next bloke she danced with to the dance floor. She had met him for the first time at the reception.
And off I went again. I just couldn’t bear to watch. To cut the story short, I ended up spending the night in the car because she left in a taxi without me. She spent the night at the home of a woman I knew but who was a total stranger to her.
I had had too much to drive. She said she thought I had gone home. Which, but for the fact she was in drink, was total nonsense and had she thought about it, she must have known it was.
Drink is 90% of the problem. The next day I had nothing. She had a bottle and a half on her own. I threw her out.
Last week I had an eMail from a friend of hers but an acquaintance of mine. Well, he could count on the fingers of one hand the number of our middle aged friends who didn’t need to cut back on the drink. Don’t make it an issue. And oh yes, she does flirt but she is always totally loyal. He had known her for 30 years. She was a lovely person which, superficially is true.
Then he said – he was trying to get us back together – that single, she was an almost aggressive 21st century sexual predator. What an extraordinary thing to say. I went loop. He went loop and said I had twisted his words when I asked how many blokes she had gone through but that is exactly what he said.
Her complaint about me is that I am short tempered, which I am. My boy calls me grumpy Grandad and laughs about it. In negotiations she has promised to address this question of drink and I think she understands she drinks too often and sometimes too much but she wanted me to address this question of temper.
I won’t. I have a lot on and she could reduce my stress level in all sorts of different ways. It was never an issue until I threw her out and I think there is an element of face saving in her stance.
Fast forward to last night. She wanted to know if I was going to see her. We had a nice chat but, and I don’t know why, there was an explosion. The subject of her wedding behaviour came up. I said I hated being left on the sidelines at these weddings whilst she tripped the light fantastic. She said she liked dancing, I didn’t. She turned on me and said I had “victim” tattooed on my forehead. Everything went from fine and constructive to disaster. She told me to F off and put the ‘phone down. I rang her back and said she was a fat c..t. Not nice but I was so hurt by her attitude against everything I have done for her and her family. I have supported her through some pretty tough times.
My friends and neighbours really like her. So do I most of the time.
But whilst I know that this is bad news for both of us I want to find the strength to break away. How do you do it? It took ages to find her after my separation. She was in a mess and I helped her through but now the payback seems to be she can behave like a monster.
I don’t want to spend any time travelling up and down the country meeting women who I know at first glance are not for me.
Where can I find the strength to do what I want to do – move on? Mind you after last night I think we have both already made our minds up.
You know that this highly destructive relationship is always going to be like this don’t you?? Because she is what she is, and so are you, and no matter how hard you individually try (if you do), it will always be like this. That’s why there are sayings such as ‘leopards don’t change their spots’. And while I think it is possible to change sometimes the fact is that neither of you really wants to because you see the problem as being caused by the other one. Not that you really can anyway at your ages – you are who you are. How can you become a different person? It seems to me that you really like say 20% of her personality, and she probably likes the same about you and you are both caught up trying to make something permanent out of what should probably only ever have been a one night thing. You can see her again, and get together again, and in a few weeks time you will be back here again. Maybe you need to do that though as obviously you got in contact with her to say you were down in London and why would you have done that if you hadn’t wanted to resume things?
It’s interesting to hear this sort of stuff from a bloke though – I would guess all of us women have either been there ourselves when we were young, or had a female friend in your position and we would have said exactly the same thing – ditch him – or had it said to us. Maybe blokes don’t talk as much so don’t realise how common this is, and are unaware this is basically a right of passage for girls who go out with bad boys? Maybe there is a girl somewhere who hasn’t had a bad boyfriend who messed her around and made her unhappy, say waiting by the phone for calls that never came, wondering if he was meeting up with other girls when he was out with his mates, on edge in case she said or did the wrong thing and set things off, but I doubt it. Your relationship is exactly the same, but a grown up version of it. It’s not romantic, or passionate, it’s all a bit…..tawdry really. Aren’t you just a tiny bit bored by it all? Don’t you just long for someone you can play a game of cards with in the kitchen after you’ve both done the dishes together? Or someone to sit and chat to amicably about your day when you come back from fishing? It doesn’t appear that you do though.
The advice I would give is the same advice I would have given to any young girl, and was given to me when I was younger and caught up in these lifestyle choices – walk away and get on with your life – and in your case that means block her number, don’t speak to her to her crazy friends, move to Coldstream asap, focus on the move and the new house, get out and about meeting up with new people and stop dwelling on this woman who makes you happy a tiny amount of the time, and unhappy most of the time. She’s dazzling, and attractive, and outgoing, and friendly, and people are in awe of her obviously and I think therefore that you are exceptionally flattered when she turns her gaze on you, just like they are. But that is offset by the drinking, the fights, the fact that you can’t trust her as she seems to be sexually incontinent whenever you aren’t around.
You can try again, and give it another shot – the ‘talk’ before the dramatic wild make up sex – but aren’t you just a little bit……I don’t know….bored by it all? And aren’t you going down to London to focus on your dying friend? Or actually is she incidental?
I watched an excellent comedy last night on BBC1 called ‘Our ex’. It’s on iplayer. I thought of you. I suggest you watch it. Or ‘Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf” if you want to cry rather than laugh.
rite of passage
Don’t you want these things out of a relationship? Someone who
1. you can rely on to have your back.
2. is kind to you.
3. laughs off your bad temper.
4. you can chat to and have a laugh with at the end of the day.
5. cares about you and wants you to be happy.
6. appreciates you
7. you share the mundanity with.
I don’t think you do.
Let me know when you are in Coldstream and I will come visit for coffee. And if you are still seeing her do make it a weekend when she’s there so I can get a better idea of her appeal. 🙂 Now I know you look normal and don’t live in a cave.
Thank you.
The girl who is dying is an old friend of mine and a new acquaintance of the GF. By an odd coincidence they only live a couple of hundred yards apart.
So, when I had the news I naturally told the GF the friend was critical and on Wednesday or Thursday I got an eMail asking if I would stay after I had been to the hospital. I said no.
But I have already told you that bar the fact I said no. I did not go to see the GF and to suggest otherwise is mean.
What do I want from a relationship? Yes, someone I can rely on behind my back. Someone who does not wind me up on purpose and then claim I am short tempered. We always chat. My wife could not face bad news which made sharing problems difficult. Caring. I think when you have been together for a while you tend to take one another for granted but the GF done things she knows make me unhappy.
In fairness, she was married once. Seventeen years before her husband died. He was alcoholic. Not a bad record is it?
Visiting Coldstream. Not sure. Will think about it. I am not sure how I can go from an abuser to normal on the basis of a photograph and I don’t want any more personal information made public on the ‘net.
Ok scrub that suggestion. I won’t be making it again.
Tantrum?
Thought you were an all laid back and calm sort of person.
Have put up too much personal detail about myself and don’t want to give away any more.
Remember, it wasn’t five minutes ago that one contributor changed her name to T Hater or something like.
Then the remark about me being “normal” made me cross as though in the context I think you meant it there had been a lingering doubt that I was not – I might actually be a violent fruit. How do you tell from a photograph (of me) and the estate agents on line brochure that I am normal after all?
It was only the same five minutes ago you had convicted me as a misogynist abuser.
And how do I know you are not a bunny boiler? I know you’re not but here I am baring my bum to the world and but know the square root of bugger all about you.
So, I just wanted to think. And make a point.
So let me know when you stop being numb and decide not to be cross.
When you do, think de-nailing and paint stripping rather than coffee.
Tantrum? Moi?
Yes you. Saturday?
That’s too short notice I’m afraid. I have things I’m doing on Saturday. With other people. maybe another dAy?
Could do Sunday
Sunday. Yes. Will have to leave in the afternoon to miss the A1 night closure. I will be working. Bring your overalls
See you in the morning then. I have no overalls
Hi everyone. Just back from Croatia and catching up on stuff and thought I would see if this site was still live…..and it is. One thing struck me is you, TLover, are still having issues which I am sorry to hear because although you say you are grumpy, you always made me laugh. It’s a pity you don’t want to share an image of yourself as its only natural to want to see a photo of someone after reading so much about you. Oh we’ll never mind 😎
Hiya – are you new to commenting on the site? Or have you changed your name from something else? Nice to have you anyway
Hi Fi
I mistakenly put my real name. I am a veteran commenter/observer lol. I dip in and out most of the time.
Of course – I recognise your name. 🙂
Fi and TL, I hope we can count on you both to give us your individual write-ups….don’t let us down, now…
We are sitting in his kitchen drinking tea just now. T is going to make me food later on. I am going out to get a newspaper to read while he does something with glue on the stairs.
Yes, we are already Mr and Mrs pipe and slippers.
Goodness, well done the pair of you! A historic moment for the blog. We are all ears …
I thought you might be so obviously I have to give you an update since you’ve been there from the outset and you need to know what happened or you would go insane.
I arrived late morning, and we had a cup of tea. Then we went for a drive round the countryside and I was shown the highlights of Coldstream and surrounding areas. I sat in the front seat of his van with a dog at my feet and another one on my knees. After that we went for a long walk with the dogs, then back to the house where I read the paper and T did some DIY stuff. Then we had steak (cooked by T on his BBQ out the back) and salad, followed by cheese and then I left to come home at around 9ish I think.
I saw pics of his ex girlfriends (including the Ginger Controller) and all of them were pretty and slim – not sure what that proves except he is obviously not unattractive as he gets the good looking women. He is also not conventional nor dull. It was not at all like meeting a stranger; more like meeting someone who I knew pretty well but hadn’t seen for a while. We’ve all been chatting on here for years now so we already know each other really. We have now exchanged mobile numbers and will meet up again, despite him saying that he had been expecting me to look like a Scottish version of a Russian shot putter for some reason.
I believe T is a genuinely nice and kind hearted bloke. 🙂
“I believe T is a genuinely nice and kind hearted bloke.” – I told you.
So you did.
Thank you for the update, Fi. You are a trooper. So I’m left wondering:
a) is the bah-humbug sexism thing a transparent or ingrained act?
b) did he look like you thought he would?
c) was there anything that surprised you about him?
d) do we need to buy a hat?
And T, apologies for talking about you like you’re not here. I know we’d all love to hear your account too.
This is the most interesting thing to have happened on this blog for simply ages…
Sorry, a) was imprecise, but you know what I mean. Is it a transparent act or is it ingrained, part of the very fabric?
Well before I left yesterday I said that T should provide you with an update. He hasn’t though so I’ve no idea what he thought. But I obviously couldn’t leave you hanging….
Sexist – No. Traditional I would say. I think he very much likes women but is frequently confused by them. Probably feels most comfortable at his local with his bloke friends talking about the strange things women do. Think Professor Higgins – ‘why can’t a woman be more like a man?’. I would say (from my limited knowledge) that the combination of his traditionalism and his experiences of demanding women means that sometimes he gets annoyed by them, and that’s when he posts on here. And that’s the bit we see. So yes he is like that, but there is much more to him.
Grumpy – Probably, but I didn’t see any evidence of it.
Looking like I thought – well I saw a photo of him so wasn’t surprised. I would say though that he had a pair of Wellies on and a very holey jumper over a striped shirt. He comes across as one of those charmingly eccentric gentleman farmers who strides along with dogs that he dotes on. If he had a sister (which he may have) she would be like Rosemary Shrager. If he had a car you would expect it to be a mud splattered land rover full of dog stuff, old rugs and piles of unidentifiable things that had been collected to be reused for something at some point in the past but that he had no idea what they were nor what he had intended to do with them. However, as he is unconventional it wouldn’t surprise me if he went for an e type jag instead that he would zoom around the country in although there might not be enough room for his dogs. You wouldn’t see him in a Civic Honda though.
Anything surprising – went out of his way to make me feel welcome, was very attentive and was exceptionally open. Good company. I think he takes people as he finds them.
In fact he IS Rex Harrison:
“Why can’t a woman be more like a man?”
🙂 🙂
“he had a pair of Wellies on and a very holey jumper over a striped shirt”. Oh, c’mon TL. You could have made more of an effort than that…
Well he did offer to change, but I said he was fine as he was. And actually he was.
Interested on his feedback on the day now. 🙂 this is so bizarre
I was up late last night doing little jobs, couldn’t sleep and was up before 5. Finished another section of floor then drove home. Only just in. Lots to do. Will be back…..
I have no idea what to say or the order in which to say it, me first then about Fiona? Or what? Where to begin?
She, Fiona, has been so so kind. I think we’ll go for me first.
First, all jumpers are holey. Otherwise where would you put your head and arms?
Next, this business about Rex Harrison. In the illustration he is bald. I am both vain and not (bald).
Now Fiona. She was late. As she walked towards the house I noticed she was tall, blonde and not dressed for any form of DIY or housework.
I opened the door. She looked visibly shocked at how small I am. I was gobsmacked because she is not a Jock, she’s a cockney. Ok, liar. She has an English accent which rather wrong footed me.
Yes, I did say I expected a Russian shot putter but I didn’t mean it like that what I meant was I was not expecting what I got, shapely, in proportion and just about the right helping of all the important bits.
Conversation was easy, mainly my favourite topic – me. We did the things Fi describes. I felt 95% relaxed. She said she was jaded. I suggested a lie down, a bath or she could stay or, all three. The response was diplomatic, she had cats and was off. Could you blame her?
Fiona has an amazing range of hobbies. Obviously been a very capable civil servant. Seems to have bags of energy. Is more taken up with this and other blogs than I am. We bad mouthed some participants.
The afternoon can be summarised like this: as I was doing some work on my floors, Fiona was sitting by the fire reading the Times dog at foot. Just like married life.
Will you need a new hat, Cilla? Well judge for yourself. She left. I walked to the car. Before she could safely escape I stood on tiptoe, made a lunge and tried to pull her towards me by reaching up and grabbing her ears. She was very gracious. She bent her head, bent her knees and kissed me on my bald spot.
1. I’m no longer blonde but a brunette. The blonde was a bad venture into covering the grey. No longer.
2. I don’t spend any significant amounts of time hanging about blogs – although admittedly over the last few years I have occasionally looked at some others.
3. Interestingly, and rather supporting the premise of this blog, T only comments on ( and presumably only notices) what I look like while I comment on his personality.
4. T appears to be concerned about his height as he refers to it constantly.
5. T’s dogs liked me because I’m lovely 🙂
You have hit the issue on the head with number 4.
It is Short Man Syndrome.
That explains everything.
Number 3 doesn’t surprise either.
Number 5 was entirely to be expected.
Yvette
😆
Beam me up, what have I got myself into? An episode of “In the Psychiatrist’s Chair”?
[1. I’m no longer blonde but a brunette. The blonde was a bad venture into covering the grey.] It looked blonde and OK to me and I’m sure I don’t need Specsavers.
[3. Interestingly, and rather supporting the premise of this blog, T only comments on ( and presumably only notices) what I look like while I comment on his personality.] That was very good of you. If you had commented on my looks I really would be in trouble. Anyway your critique of what I said is unfair. I thought you were very nice until, that is, you started to turn on me again!
[4. T appears to be concerned about his height as he refers to it constantly.] Agreed.
[5. T’s dogs liked me because I’m lovely]. Get real, it was the interesting smell that attracted them!
[How tall are you, TL?] Six one.
I have had an idea. You can put up a free profile on eg “Encounters” including a picture, a resume, the lot. So if blog contributor “A” (if you see what I mean) want to share a little more of him/herself without doing what we did why not put up a free profile using the pseudonym used on this blog?
How tall are you, TL?
He’s not 6′ 1″ **rolls eyes and sighs**
Heh. I guessed not. Is the truth so disreputable?
I’ve no idea why he makes such a fuss of it – he’s probably about 5’7 or 8 I would say. In Glasgow he would be one of the tall ones.
I’m getting a bit fed of this.
I laugh at myself about height.
I had a surreal but enjoyable experience on Sunday. Don’t want it spoiled by a silly issue.
Sorry. Was tired this morning. That came out all wrong.
Who cares how tall he is? What matters is that he’s a nice bloke. Give him a break.
What’s up with you lot?
Come on, I want entertaining.
Why users still make use of to read news papers when in this technological world all
is accessible on net?
congrats to T and Fi ….
Thank you, Scott. Stranger.
Fi – it was a surreal but most enjoyable experience.
Any news? New trainers? A girlfriend.
What are you up to at Christmas? I’m waiting for a response to my invitation to Fi and Maria (and anyone else who doesn’t mind dossing in a building site) but have a teensy weeny feeling the answers will be “no”.
Because when I spoke to Fiona last I said when we next met she should bring her jim jams – we could have a session and she needn’t drive home.
A frost descended.
I’m busy – I’m training to become a driving instructor. And I’m tap dancing now. And Uke Playing. And growing potatoes. I appear to have no time to do anything.
See what I mean, Scott.
Thanks for the invitation T. If Scotland wasn’t so far away, I wouldn’t say no. Helas, I’ll have to decline. I guess I’m gonna spend Christmas with my sister and her family, as usual.
Many thanks for the christmas invitation but I have friends and family coming to stay over the holiday. I’m doing the entertaining. 🙂
T- I stopped posting on Ms. Plankton’s blog page because- well, to be entirely honest, I’d lost my planktonhood status for a little while during the 2nd half of 2014 and the first months of 2015. That is to say, I believe under the current rules, I didn’t qualify to fit the definition of a “plankton” for a while there.
But I’m alone again now. What ever happened to Ms. P., the woman who started this post? I’m assuming that because we’ve not heard anything from her, that she’s officially no longer a plankton either?
What ever happened to “Miss Bates?” “Miss M.?” “Miss Diagnosis?” “Miss Behaving?”
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/what-its-like-to-be-a-middle-aged-dater/
She sounds as though she is doing just great.
It’s been that long… I remember taping Christmas tree decoration LED lights to an umbrella to make a jellyfish costume to celebrate my 40th birthday. I’m 44½ now…
Anyhoo T, you’d asked about Christmas. I’m a Pastafarian, I’m a member of The Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, our annual holiday is Sept. 19th, which is the annual International Talk Like A Pirate Day.
I thought of you Fi today when I made my annual nod to some of the more jolly festive cocktails and bought some Advocaat …
We are the Snowball queens. And I’m going to buy my bottle shortly 😬
Somewhat shockingly, I now only have an inch left in the bottom of my new bottle – now I’m going to have to buy another… I know I say it every year, but shouldn’t we organise a knees-up or something….
whereabouts are you based? And I’m not surprised you have found yourself having to buy another bottle – once it’s opened it’s just so delicious that you have to finish it.
I’ve been doing a nice little sideline in infusing gin though – I’ve made Raspberry and Rosewater, Blueberry, Gooseberry and Chai tea so far.
That’s so now … even Toby in the Archers is doing it. I’m in London. We should do it – and everyone still reading this blog (I imagine we are countable on a pair of hands) should come ….
and so should Candida Crewe…
Toby is irritating – Pip should ditch. However, putting fruits in the gin (or vodka) means that after you siphon off the spirit (delicious) you are left with boozy fruit for a crumble, to have with yoghurt, to put on a pavlova….
However although in theory I would be up for meeting, London is actually several hundred miles and several hundred pounds away for me in Scotland.
Have just bought my Advocaat – can I resist opening it tonight? We shall see
Fi, can you post your favourite recipe? You’ve got me interested. Oh dear, though. We might be turning the blog into something resembling the WI… How’s everyone’s love life? I could really do with a bit of ardour in my life this festive seasons. I find I have two options. But both are poor ones.
So easy to make – you need a large empty clean plastic milk container to put everything in and shake up every so often. Buy one of those boxes of frozen fruit you get in the freezer section of the supermarket, or you can use fresh fruit instead – It depends on what fruit you want to use and what is available. It’s hard to give quantities but the more fruit you use the more flavour it has, and I tend to end up putting more fruit in, then thinking oops not enough gin and adding more of that too. Let’s say you are using a box of frozen raspberries, you put these in the milk container and then top up with a litre of gin (or vodka actually for a schnapps). If you add sugar you get a more syrupy liqueur type drink which is delicious drunk straight, or mixed with tonic as a long drink. You don’t necessarily have to add much sugar though – it depends on how sweet the fruit you are using is. I basically started off making sloe gin, then when I couldn’t get my hands on any more sloes I thought I’d try it with other fruit. I have rhubarb in my freezer that I’m going to get out and use with fresh ginger, and I will put extra sugar in that one. If it isn’t sweet enough though you can always add more sugar later on. Put the lid on, put it in the cupboard and shake it every day until the sugar has dissolved and fruit broken down. The longer you leave it the more flavour it develops. After a couple of weeks siphon off a bit and see what you think – it may need more sugar, or more fruit or just to be put back in the cupboard. Or drunk as it is if you get tempted. After you’ve drunk it, eat the alcohol laden fruit. Or put some in your drink as decoration. Then become so enthused with how easy it is to make, and how delicious it is to drink, think up another concoction and crack on with the next flavour. Most delicious ones I’ve done have been Raspberry and I’ve added Rosewater to the finished drink. and a blackcurrant one with vodka and fruit I picked from a friend’s blackcurrant bush, and one with one of those frozen mixed berries (strawberries, raspberries, blueberries etc) and gooseberry. I tried oranges but think I didn’t put enough sugar in. I fancy trying to infuse some lavender from my garden next year. And I also fancy trying cherries. And you can use the cheapest gin you can lay your hands on too. Make it now and you can drink it at Christmas if you can’t wait any longer 🙂
Fantastic. Thank you. I’m on it! BTW you mention rhubarb and ginger, have you ever tried the Edinburgh Gin’s rhubarb and ginger liqueur. Mixed with prosecco – or champagne – it makes a delicious cocktail. (The elderflower is good too, but the rhubarb and ginger is in a league of its own) A bit easier than all the work you put in, but I’m sure not as satisfying – you’ve got me very curious now, so I will try to make some to time to give it a go…
No romance for me.
oh yes I forgot – I’ve done elderflower gin too. So many gins……
I haven’t tried the rhubarb and ginger gin but that’s what gave me the idea. I think I will try it though. But honestly making it yourself is significantly cheaper than buying it, and pretty satisfying.
I like your idea of prosecco or champagne with it though – didn’t you do that with Advocaat as well? Expensive tastes lady. 🙂
Blimey. Just opened the comments and seen this Fi/Zoe avalanche.
Fiona you are a one. No romance? Widdle and two Spot have just been sending you big licks.
And all that fruit and alcohol. You told me you had no time. I suppose you have to spend what spare time you have sitting on the loo.
And Zoe. Ardour at Christmas? Steady girl.
Oh T, I realized that years ago. I think that p’tonhood is self imposed in some instances.
“Steady girl”. It would be nice to require some steadying. But, alas, I’m still ramrod straight.
I know – I’m going through one of my ‘it would be nice to have someone’ phases. I just don’t want any of the alcoholics I meet that are available. 🙂 Oh well – a few more years and my coupled up friends will start losing their husbands and I’ll have a brand new social life opening up to me.
It’s the time of year, I think. It’s the occupational hazard of the singleton.
Scott. Just skimmed the comments and cannot work out whether you picked up the web address I left for you – the link to the (not such a) mystery blogger.
Well Fi, I am going through one of my I wish I had someone phases too. Christmas has collapsed and so I will be on my own. Have invitations for Christmas Day (turned down) and Boxing day but there’s nothing like your own home and your own family.
Man up T Lover. There is someone out there for you. Required: one shortish, short sighted woman with no sense of smell.
As for location in the UK. What’s the middle? Let’s all meet in the middle ….
Well I’m retraining to be a driving instructor so once I’ve done that, and got a client base, I could probably fork out for travel.
The Advocaat HAS NOW BEEN OPENED.
Too far away for me…
If you would like to obtain a good deal from this post then you
have to apply such techniques to your won website.
I am already all those things listed, right bitch, ughhhhhhhhhhhhjbbbbbhh. Still alone. 15yrs dammit
15 years- WOW !!!! Yow-eeEEE!!! You’ve surpassed any of my records. I first began writing back to Ms. Plankton’s blog sometime back in 2011- I’d seen some of the articles that she’d written in The Times, and then I looked up her blogsite. I stopped writing here in 2014 because I’d lost my planktoninity status. But alas, I’m alone again now too ….
Idk why I posted, I was lonely abs googling and ran across this article. I’ve surpassed a record of loneliness in ur book? Omg that’s great, my day is done, lol,
Hi Melanie and welcome to the blog 🙂
Well Melanie, if it makes you feel any better, I went from May of 1972 through Sept. of 1990 without engaging in sexual intercourse even once- date of birth up through loss of virginity probably doesn’t count though in terms of loneliness logs….
I forgot !!! Once a year I try to pick up our mysterious blog page hostess, the mystery woman, Ms. Plankton herself. I didn’t try in 2015 because last year, I was not actually “a plankton” for a while, and I forgot to try earlier this year, so here goes:
@ Ms. Plankton- I am in fact single, I am presently 44½ years young and I am presently available. You do know my email address, just write back to me if you want to meet sometime. I can promise dinner + dessert and that’s it if you want it to end with that.
Once again, do feel free to google me, bing me or yahoo me, though you won’t learn much, because there are at least 2 or 3 other people in the U.S. with the exact same first and last name as me, who spell their names exactly the same way that I do.
That’s my effort at attempting to attract our mysterious hostess for 2015 & 2016. I’ll try once again in a couple of weeks, and that’ll be it for 2017.
You’re somewhat behind, Scott. The hostess is no longer mysterious. Her cover has been blown.
Totally behind
You are correct, there do exist some things in this world which occur without me knowing. I stopped writing in to Ms. Plankton’s blog page after the summer of 2014 because believe it or not, I’d actually succeeded in temporarily losing my planktoninity status.
I’m alone again now, so I’ve officially recovered my planktoninity status.
So what happened? Did she reveal her real name to us? Did she do so intentionally, or was it a slip- up? Or did someone else figure out who she is?
Is it okay for me to ask- Who in fact is the woman who had initially set up this blog site?
I’d initially discovered her from the articles that she’d been posting in The Times, though if I remember correctly, I think someone told me that she was also writing for another paper, either The Guardian or The Telegraph, perhaps….
You gormless bugger, I told you on the 12th of December
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/what-its-like-to-be-a-middle-aged-dater/
Oh of course – https://www.amazon.co.uk/Candida-Crewe/e/B001KHCOX8/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1
Why didn’t I think of that- should have been obvious ….
Wel now that penny’s dropped you’ll be able to send her a personal card for Christmas.
Do you mean to tell me that after July of 2014 NONE OF YOU noticed that I’d suddenly stopped writing comments here on Ms. Plankton’s blog page? And no one wondered why I’d stopped writing comments?
Course we had.
Me and that Fi, the only pillow talk we had was: I wonder if he’s still got the same trainers?
Well no. There’s no screening process to assess whether a commentator is actually not in a relationship, nor is it a criteria for commenting, so the notion of not writing here because you’ve met someone would not have ever occurred to me or I’m sure anyone else.
Also we are concerned with our own lives and barely spend time thinking of others anyway. And I’ve seen that you have been commenting on the Times online, particularly about Pippa’s arse (again). So should I have worried about you being dead (which I wasn’t) I saw you popping up elsewhere. Along with Lydia/English Rose who also repeats the same stuff she did here ( i.e. island/ useless men/ useless housewives/ educate your daughters to earn loads of money/ doesn’t drink alcohol/eats paleo/ her life is great etc etc) and gets the same reception she did here. You’ll have seen her on your travels round the ToL
Scott, what have you being saying about Pippa’s (who the BH is Pippa?) bottie?
T- anyone who reads The Times regularly knows that I can recognize genuine perfection when I see it …
I look up four (4) news websites frequently- I look up The Times, BBC News, RTÈ News and then I read CBC News (from Canada.) I used to look up Al Jazeera America’s website too, but they no longer exist.
Fi- There is a “Fiona” who writes in to The Times regularly, I did not make the connection- that’s probably you….
Scott – it’s not me. I read ToL but never comment.
Well, if any of YOU people successfully manage to lose YOUR planktoninity status- even temporarily, even for a few days, weeks or months, I’d post some congratulatory statements complimenting YOU FOR YOUR SUCCESSES …..
You don’t make a congratulatory statement when, in your case, you are the beneficiary of a miracle. You pray for another.
How the hell did you manage it?
Man or woman? Will a sainthood be following?
Well funny, I didn’t think that anyone would ask. In the summer of 2014, I traveled over to your side of the Atlantic. One evening, I met a woman, one thing led to another, and …. ….. …… and let’s just say that she and I got lost together in The Fog.
I’m not the type to kiss and tell ….
Lydia?
T- It was not Lydia (unless she’d been lying to me about her name.)
You daft buggers! I love checking in a couple of times a year for the camaraderie. Merry Christmas everyone
T lover and Scott – is it just me that thinks they’re bloody needy?
Aunty Fiona, can you just clarify what it is you are thinking?
Now Fi, are comments like that really helping things any? We’re here to ENCOURAGE each other, not to laugh at each others’ shortcomings, inadequacies and failed attempts …
Handbags!
And a very merry Christmas to you Peggy – nice to know there are others around.
Merry Christmas everybody and a very Happy New Year!
Yep – Merry Christmas everyone and I hope we all have an excellent 2017.
still 3 days away… here goes [deep breath, confident, calm, breathing, inhale … exhale…]
My resolution for 2017 is to lose my planktoninity again, even if only for a few weeks. I did successfully succeed in losing my planktoninity status for the second half of 2014 and the first few months of 2015, but I did not make any progress this year.
And I do sincerely wish the same for all you, our fellow planktons and planktonesses.
note- if you suddenly see me stop writing comments here sometime in 2017, then it means that I’ve likely lost my planktoninity, at least temporarily ….
[pause, sigh] (deep breath, inhale, here goes) …. give it a try once a year, so this’ll be it for 2017….
@ Candida Crewe- I am presently 44½ years of age, I presently do not have a girlfriend, and I am willing to assist you with alleviating your planktoninity for a while if you’re interested. You do know my email address, you’re welcomed to write to me if you want some assistance, I can alleviate your planktoninity.
Scott. It is not going to happen. Never. Ever.
Zoe, I don’t realistically expect that Ms. Crewe is really going to be interested in me and that she’ll write back to me. That’s not the point. I want her to know that she doesn’t HAVE to keep her planktoninity, she does in fact have options available to her; I’m merely offering to alleviate her planktoninity so she’ll see that it IS in fact very possible for her to end “the plankton years”….
Every woman (and probably every man too) has options available to them. The only question is whether they want something better than what’s on offer. If they do, then that’s when they become planktons. Men are just as choosy – slim maybe or pretty or clever – everybody has criteria they evaluate people against when deciding whether or not they find them attractive. No woman in the world thinks she is undesirable to every man. It’s a question of whether or not someone is willing to settle for what’s on offer.
But, and I don’t mean to sound harsh, every woman ever knows she could have a man if she was willing to take what was available and we don’t need you to tell us that.
It is obviously clear if you read these pages – time and time again women are saying they are on their own because they don’t want what is available to them (too old, too fat, too drunk, too stupid etc etc). These women aren’t saying they are unattractive to everyone and nobody will have them, they are saying they don’t want what is on offer.
This may sound harsh but it’s not meant to – just blunt.
What Zoe is saying, and I agree with her (as I imagine does every woman who has ever read these pages), is that for P you are what’s available and she doesn’t want you. And she will never ever want you, not if you were the last man on earth and the future of the human race depended on it. And that’s because that’s how women work – they don’t like desperate men which is how you come across, and once put into that category you can never come out of it. Fundamentally you are unsuccessful with women because you don’t understand us and that comes over clearly in how you write about us and to us.
To be your age, and solvent, is pretty much a guarantee of success with women so to not be successful you must be doing something very wrong indeed. Until you are willing to examine the reasons for your lack of success (although as mentioned previously like the Planktons you could still get a woman if you were prepared to drop your requirements to what is on offer to you) you will never get over this problem you have. You’re like someone who can’t get a job and when you do eventually manage to get one you get sacked from it, but you never ask what you’re doing wrong.
sorry just re-read that and it sounds harsh. but you know what i mean and i want you to be successful with the womenfolk
To be honest, I can tell you Scott that if you were Portuguese or living in Portugal, you’d have loads of women interested in you. Just the fact that you have a job and can manage your own life would make you very attractive. Re P, though, I don’t think you stand a chance!
You’ll all know when (of if) I lose my planktoninity because I’ll suddenly cease writing comments here.
And if I’m alone, I’ll make my annual offer to Ms. Crewe once again in January of 2018 ….
that was meant to read “(or if)”
Have you lot ever wondered if Scott is winding you up?
And what Scott is a planktonhood? Some sort of specialised condom for use when losing your planktoninity?
And, Fiona, what most women want are urgent repairs to their wiring.
T- is that why so many XXX rated movies begin with a “repairs call” to a plumber?
Okay- you people will never guess what happened here earlier this evening…. I attended an event last night, and a woman gave her business card to me- which includes her tel. # and her email address !! I will write to her sometime within the next few days. I don’t want to become excessively optimistic or too hopeful, plenty of people have given their contact information to me and I end up never seeing them again, but it has been a while now. Hopefully, this may lead to me losing my planktoninity status, at least for a little while. If I stop writing comments here, you’ll know that I’ve lost my planktoninity for the time being.
No, Scott you keep on adding the comments.
A hush has descended and I think I am in the frame for the blame.
And remember, I’m with you all the way. I is off in the am to Scotland so make sure when I come back you had plenty to say.
T- when we DO finally end up successful relationships in which we feel happy, then by definition, we’re officially no longer “planktons.”
Secondly, while I personally don’t give a flying hoot about what anybody anywhere in the world does or does not know about my personal life (I’m involved in notably few activities that I either need or want to be secretive about), for the purposes of privacy for whatever woman that I’m with, I don’t usually write descriptions of what we are (or are not) doing together and then post them onto peoples’ blogpages.
Sometimes I wonder if the pair of you are actually unhinged.
Either that or narcissists
To be called “unhinged” by someone who plays the ukulele and tap dances at the same time is a compliment I will cherish.
To label someone a narcissist is not nice. Suppose it could be worse – could have been our Ethel calling me an abuser again.
Well the pair of you!! Scott thinking that everyone here spends their time wondering whether or not he has a girlfriend, and you thinking that everyone takes into account their feelings about you before deciding whether or not to comment here. The pair of you believe you have a disproportionate influence on other people. You are just little cogs like the rest of us.
I am 52 now and I have come to an age that most of my friends are divorced. Most of them left their spouse for the big titted twenty years younger girl. I have noticed one thing that may comfort you women who are also dumped: the second marriage (or serious relationship) is most of the time worse than the first. The expected better life; it did not happen.
Hi Brian. What I think quite interesting is that women on these pages don’t seem to fall into that category. Not that they don’t exist – but maybe they don’t come here. I think people here seem to be on their own because they don’t have opportunities and they don’t know why and therefore can’t correct the situation, or else they are on their own by choice, i.e. rejecting what is available to them. I think maybe a couple of women have been left for a woman that is younger but I think that people don’t leave relationships that are happy ones and if the bloke has left I would assume that the marriage wasn’t making him happy. If he really has left just for the sake of larger breasts and a younger woman, then lucky escape I’d say – what a very unfulfilling relationship that would have been for both of the women he ended up with.
I can’t remember specifically whom now, but there were a couple of women who were posting comments here who were widowed when their husbands had died from illnesses or other natural causes several years ago.
That’s true.
Ok, I do not know exactly the category of women that come to this website. In fact the website is a bit weird for me. But I can understand some of the feelings described here. You say people don’t leave relationships that are happy ones. In my 24 year long marriage I have often been fed up. In fact fed up with everyting. My relation became the focus of me being unhappy. Other people start fights with their boss, their neighbours about a fence, their friends who treated them badly etc. In my case my wife got the blame. It took me quite a while to figure out all my frustrations, anger and unhappy feelings had almost nothing to do with her. I deeply regret my actions. I took a holiday without family and went to a kind of survival trip in the Pyrenees between France and Spain. The conditions were extremely brutal. Hunger, thirst, cold, no sleep, no phone, no internet. My condition was superb, being a trained kickboxer for many years. I simply could not imagine that a trip could be so hellish and painful that it would bring me to my knees. Most of the guys where 20 years younger. We all broke at one point, all emotions bursted out. The tears could not be stopped. A lot of men could not endure the misery and dropped out. I cant blame them…I made it till the end…feeling half dead…Back in the bus (17 hours drive…) we were all speechles. Coming home I had lost 7 kg. In ten days. My own bed, warmth, my wife being kind and soft…it was overwelming…from hell in heaven. After two days of silence I slowly got my feet back on the ground…what a spoiled brat I had became. What a winer…I stopped looking for what made me happy, I decided to stop criticisizing my wife and be the gentle guy i used to be. Not complaining anymore. Not about sex, not about money, not about not being understood, nothing. I stopped asking the question: what is in it for me. After about two months i had a different life. I noticed that people become much more friendly to me and i felt a lot more appreciated. While trying to be a good man i received the appreciation and warmth i always wanted. So what is the moral of the story….When you can lift your left eyebrow or wiggle you toe: you have opportunities. So you are female plankton? I strongly belief most women on this site have a lot of opportunities. When they go to the bar they maybe won’t directly attract a lot of men. Does it mean they are just plankton floating in the ocean? No they are not. Fight your negative thoughts with all that you have, pray God (I am a believer) and good things wil happen. Is it that simple, all your problems wil disappear? Not really, I got diagnosed with cancer and my days are numbered, and it might as wel not be a huge number. But even now, i feel a lot better than i used to. my 2 cts
thank you for writing this story and telling us about your experience. I’m sure you’re right and I can see how all relationships can be improved if we just stop thinking about ourselves and start thinking about others.
I’m sorry I don’t know what to say in response to your diagnosis, but thanks again for writing this.
I am not a native english speaker so my english might not be very good
It is great! I hope all goes well for you.
Good to hear from you BrianFromAmsterdam. On this blog we used to talk about important, proper stuff like that. These days we chirrup and bicker like an old married couple. So your generous-spirited contribution is most welcome…
God you’re right! You’re so astute. At this point in a real relationship I’d be getting depressed wondering whether I could face a lifetime of this or whether it would be better to bail just now.
🙂
Fiona, come on now, get real.
Remember Rosie?
Would I say anything personal about a fellow commentator but let’s say things did get a bit out of hand.
But you are still here.
Last week amongst the tributes to Rachael Heyhoe-Flint a woman observed that when she (RHF) took a women’s tour to Australia the atmosphere in the dressing room was terrific throughout which (apparently) was highly unsual on a women’s tour.
Do I have to say anything else before one’s feminist hackles rise?
Are you implying she was a lesbian? And if so, so what?
Yer what? Implying who was a lesbian? Mrs Heyhoe-Flint was married to Mr Flint so by a process of deduction am guessing you mean Rosie. But might be wrong.
I did wonder if Rosie was Ethel.
Sorry I’ve misunderstood you – what did you mean?
“I did wonder if Rosie was Ethel.” – naah!
Well, this was the way my mind was working.
Zoe said “These days we chirrup and bicker like an old married couple” which I took to mean after a long marriage husbands and wives bicker and that is the way we commentators have become.
But I thought it is more likely to be women who bicker and used the Heyhoe-Flint Australian tour story to make the point.
Rationale? To stir you women up.
Then the Rosie is Ethel business. One: Ethel admitted she had had a past life but we never found out as who. Two: there have been clashes but not often as nasty as Rosie/Ethel. I would have liked to have met her/both – got the impression she/they were unhappy. What were she/they really like?
Oh dear – stir things up by throwing some insults at women? You are too predictable I’m afraid.
Sorry, you’ve lost me again.
What was insulting?
Fact: women bicker.
We’ve not heard a single word from Ms. Plankton herself on this blogpage since Jan. of 2014, it’s been nearly 3 years now.
Perhaps Ms. Crewe has lost her planktoninity? Or perhaps she’s merely lost interest in this blog page?
@ Ms. Crewe- Can we please have one (1) new comment from you- just so that we don’t have to wait for 1,400 previous comments to load, then we can scroll past 1,400 previous comments so we can read peoples’ newest comments here?
That may work on social networking websites such as facebook, instagram, twitter, etc., but it’s slow on a wordpress page.
And besides, we WOULD love to hear from you sometime, it’s been nearly 3 years now ….
Just a thought …
Scott, be careful what you wish for.
And, may I ask, are you so keen to see a new post written by this lady?
I’m going on my first proper internet date in something like 10 years (I’m not counting the toyboys).
Good luck – fingers crossed.
ditto what T said- hope you manage to lose your planktoninity, even if only temporarily ….
Mmmm…thank you both for your well wishes. The last time I internet dated with men my own age I simply didn’t fancy anyone. And there IS something mad and improbable about meeting a perfect stranger in the hope you’ll fancy them. In his case, it’s sight unseen, as I never post photos. Even madder.
Good luck – where are you going and when? And have you seen his picture? And have you chatted a lot before meeting? and what makes you attracted to him? And…hope you have a great time 🙂
I have seen his picture. But only one. He’s my age. We have chatted A LOT. Undoubtedly too much. Always a bad idea, because it encourages fantasy and projection. I’ve fallen for his writing, because it’s very clever and very witty. Also, we seem to share a similar style in thinking (if thinking can have a style). There are warning bells because I suspect he might be too solitary and introspective. He has lived alone for quite a long time, which is never a good sign (though perfectly OK in a woman, obviously). The main issue will be the fancying. But as I said to him, if we don’t, we should. (Or would, in some parallel universe).
Clever and witty – fabulous. Similar thinking – fabulous. I’m assuming it’s this weekend so please provide feedback. Good luck and all that and have a fabulous time.
On a side note I met an old boyfirned of mine the other night – literally 35 years after I ditched him. As he reminded me. Weirdly after all this time, despite him being a grandad, I would say we still fancied each other. Maybe once you have the chemistry you always have it??
Witty people don’t necessarily write wittily and vice versa. Now it’s down in black and white, it does sound hopelessly improbable. I do think there’s something utterly marvelous about the internet though. How we get to know someone in a completely different way. Yes, chemistry. I can believe that. Is he married? A friend of mine recently ended up in bed with the person she had lost her virginity to.
I know witty on paper can be the most dull man inreal life, but I’m trying to be optimistic 🙂 because otherwise we’d all just give up trying and although I probably will end up doing that, I’m raging against the dying of the light. I really hope it is brilliant when you meet him.
Yes he’s married but I don’t think happily – from what he said a couple of months after I ditched him he got his girlfriend pregnant so I suspect he did the decent thing as men did in those days. Hey ho.
Goodness me. You are all still here. Remarkable. It’s amazing that P has not shut down her blog, but we should be thankful that such excellent, human writing still lives in archive form. I wonder if P lurks here occasionally?
Might I suggest that one of you sets up a successor blog and discussion board or else you might all lose contact. It’s like a well-written soap opera in here and it’s a lovely thing that you all still converse in this manner. It gives me hope for the survival of civilized society.
Also – is one of you actually P in disguise? Just a thought,,,,
Happy new year!
What? We all know who P is by now,
I like this “us” and “them” vibe you have going, James B. Or the “I” and “you”. Maybe it has something to do with the therapist/analyst/psychiatrist, or whatever it is that you are. If you’re on here, you’re one of us (a contributor) too….Though it would be nice to hear a bit more from you, it’s true 🙂
Agree. With everything you’ve just said.
I do think, though, that James B has a point about what would happen should P suddenly close down the blog. Fi, didn’t you once set up an email address so people could contact you? Why don’t you let us know that again, so if we can note it now, and if we are all suddenly cast adrift, we have a post-apocalyptic place to meet?
Maria set up an alternative blog spot in case that happened – her’s the link
https://womenlovethemorleavethem.wordpress.com
When I last went (non-toyboy) internet dating, some years ago, I sat in front of 6 perfectly eligible men, and didn’t fancy any of them. But here’s the thing. How realistic is it at our age to find the compelling attraction at a first meeting? With this thought in mind, when I arranged to go on this internet date, I was determined to keep an open mind. If we didn’t fancy each other, we should, I rehearsed to myself. So when I met him at one of my favourite local bars, I thought, he’s still a “maybe”. And I tried to keep this “maybe” alive in my mind through drinks and then supper. I was doing relatively well until he got up and said, “Where’s the bog?”. And this might sound absurd, but I’m not sure I can get past that.
Oh dear. I’m the same with people who can’t hold a knife and fork properly – irrational but there you are. Are you going to give it another shot? Just in case?
Yes, Fi. I said I would see him on Friday. I am keeping that promise to myself. And the internet chat was the best. There’s already an odd dynamic though. I’m going to need time and I’m not sure he’s going to be willing to give it. I can tell he’s slightly put out by my not wanting to see him at the beginning of the week or mid-week as he had proposed, when I had no good reason to put him off. I think he thinks it’s a bad sign (and he may well be right).
Well, maybe it is a bad sign, but actually you don’t know him and you already have a life with activities and friends and work etc so personally I don’t think it’s unreasonable to wait 7 days before seeing him again. Maybe he is one of those men who actually doesn’t have much else to occupy him. Plus you aren’t 17 believing that love conquers all and everyone will live happily ever after.
Sometimes I wonder whether single men have the capacity to create a life for themselves without it revolving round a woman/ women though. I think that if my friends split with their partners the women would go on to create new lives and the men would live in dressing gowns tied together with string and never leave the house.
Oh god – every time I write on here it becomes apparent why I’m a spinster 🙂
“the men would live in dressing gowns tied together with string and never leave the house.”. Fi, that really did make me laugh out loud! To be fair on him, he’d be horrified to hear that he’d betrayed any upset. I think it’s as much to do with the dynamic of who likes who, and who’s keener. If the boot were on the other foot, I’d feel a bit jumpy too. It’s part and parcel of internet dating because things can’t evolve gradually or naturally, but cards are on the table. Either you do or you don’t want to see someone again. Either you want to see them as soon as is practicable or you’re more ambivalent. Everything is telegraphed, which in turn fuels another feedback loop.
Would you though? Even when I like them I’m happy to let things unfold at their own pace and think if it’s meant to be, it will be.
I think I have almost abdicated responsibility for my own life to some sort of ‘fate’ which probably isn’t good.
But my point is that it’s hard to let things unfold at their own pace on internet dating. Have you ever been able to do that on internet dating – or are you talking about ordinary dating?
The ordinary kind – I can’t even maintain interest on the internet long enough to meet them. How is it different though to ordinary dating after contact is made?
Yes, apologies for the ‘you & me’ vibe. I was pleased to see that you were still all here as ‘I’ have not been visiting recently.
We believe we know who P is (was) although I think the blog always had a touch of slight fiction about it. A few details blurred for reasons of good taste, privacy, etc.
I would not be surprised if Ms P was still reading this occasionally, and as a writer myself I can tell you that several authors are more than capable of contributing a forum or two writing in the character of others.
A structured, well-written, relationship-centric blog driven by the regular characters here would be a very good thing indeed. Particularly if led by P-style thought-pieces. It’s a big gap in the market and would be so valuable to others who view your group discussions and experiences as a window onto the world.
As a married guy who treats schizophrenics all day, I am inevitably an outsider but I have learned so much from all of you. It’s a brilliant forum and I’d hate to lose you!
So I’m there in a bar, having a bite to eat after going to see Trainspotting2 with Mr internet date. And this is our third meeting. And there it is. Unmistakable. The warm glow of attraction. The desire to lean forward, move in, get closer…So I now conclude that these things really are a matter of being open to these things. I suppose we all know that really. Will it go further? I don’t know. He went to kiss me at the end of the evening. I backed away. I’m still not quite decided, but for other reasons that are a tad complicated to go into here…
Actually I had forgotten about a woman I once knew who told me she was being chased by a man who had a lovely personality and would treat her well but that she couldn’t under any circumstances fancy him. In her 50s she thought she would try to make herself, or at least leave herself open to the idea of it happening at some point in the future, rather than dismiss him as she would have done when younger. And lo and behold it happened! She said that eventually, he was such a nice guy and she got on with him so well, that she began not to be repulsed (which she had been) by his fatness and after a while his personality and their relationship mattered more.
So I guess attraction can grow from very little if you are a woman and a man has other things to offer and you stick it out. Don’t think it works like that for blokes though – I get the impression that while they aren’t as fussy initially (i.e. in a room of 100 women they would probably be happy with 80 of them, and that’s not how it works for women who would probably only find 2 attractive – or is it just me?) they aren’t prone to changing their mind and if they don’t find you attractive enough to have sex with then they pretty much don’t change their mind unless something drastic happens.
I”m intrigued by you being ‘still not quite decided’. Please keep us updated on events 🙂
” I’m still not quite decided, but for other reasons that are a tad complicated to go into here…”
Come on, my nose is growing, let’s be hearing.
Scott’s trapped the Blogger.
Zoe’s been kidnapped by an alien.
Bored
Me too. How about an update of your love life?
Well, as you know, I had a big bust up last year with the girlfriend.
Now, every day in fact, I am bombarded with email, telephone calls et al because the penny has dropped. She wants me back bad. She begs, cries on the ‘phone. Desperate, that’s what she is, desperate.
Just a minute, I think my nose is growing…..OK, false news….unless you count being licked by the dog, I haven’t got a love life.
“licked by the dog” – eww!
I’ve not kidnapped Ms. Plankton (nor have I ever kidnapped anyone else for that matter, nor do I aspire to ever kidnap anybody), though I am glad that we now know who she is. I’d thought that the identity of Ms. Plankton might become one of life’s unsolvable mysteries that would outlive all of us….
Nowhere near to losing my planktoninity at this point- regained my planktoninity status last year … : (
How did we find out who she was, I can’t remember.
An update from P
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4240208/CANDIDA-CREWE-admits-80-year-old-mother-help-pay.html
For those sensitive souls who feel laughing at “women” is a sin (I think women laughing at “men” is brill) there is a programme coming up featuring Trevor Philips on political correctness – is it killing free speach?
Jeez…speech.
You bet.
See Bette Midler the other night?
My husband says to me: if you learned to cook we could sack the cook and save some money.
Yes dear, and if you learned to fuck we could sack the chauffeur and save some more.
” I’m still not quite decided, but for other reasons that are a tad complicated to go into here…”
Okay. Well, as you ask TL, he:
1) has no money
2) has a crocked knee
They both put me off for evidently unromantic – and possibly unsayable in any other context – reasons. Now I’m so ancient, I think a lot about how I am to live in retirement, and step back from diluting my meagre holdings – wary of making an already precarious situation worse. And the crocked knee…well, this is internet dating: why settle for a crocked knee when there are plenty of perfectly functioning ones to choose from?
But then, at our age, whoever you choose today might have a crocked knee tomorrow. And indeed you might get one – or worse – yourself the day after. Suddenly, things begin to look precarious that way, don’t they?
And this: I like him.
I was clearing out a cupboard the other day and came across all these old letters and diaries. Former boyfriends and forgotten suitors, And it made me cry hot tears, because it made me see how often I have walked away from love. I also remember one boy, when I was a student, and whose Valentine card had failed to prompt the desired outcome, announcing his prediction that I would end up a lonely old woman. I’ve never forgotten that. And he was right.
I think contributors to this blog are all old and wise enough to see the truth in the Rumi quote: ‘“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
And wasn’t our recent visitor from Holland saying something very similar only the other day?
So, no, TL, I haven’t been abducted by aliens, merely pondering such things over the last few weeks. And it turns out, Fi , that you were quite right: internet dating doesn’t have to be a time straitjacket. I’m now on something like a 10th date with him. I feel a bit like I’ve time travelled back to the 1950s….
You’re a very wise lady. Keep telling us what’s happening please. 🙂
Us? I think we’re the only ones here, Fi.
Me then 😄
Not so wise, as it turns out. Old habits die hard.
And the cryptic footnote about old habits? What have you been up to?
No, you’re not.
No you’re not.
Been meaning to respond but had a bad week and am (at this particular moment on Saturday night) pissed – been out with my lad.
Hi T, hope you’re feeling better by now. I’ve been pretty low too, my cat died, I never thought I’d miss the little guy so much. The fucking menopause is fucking with my brain and in the past two weeks I’ve lost a bunch of friends and acquaintances to cancer, life sucks so bad.
Oh, Maria I am sorry.
A month ago I had to have one of my dogs put down, I know how rotten it is that’s why I try to have two, one four or five years older than the other.
And the menopause. Must be a crap time.
The best woman I went out with post last marriage breakdown was menopausal. I was just thinking at the weekend how I wish we were still together. Probably my fault we aren’t because I never cut her any slack when she was moody. She could be a real snapper. Used to drive me mad. If I had been more understanding?
Those thoughts bubbled up again on Monday because that woman I “met” through the ‘net’ what, six years ago but have never met in the flesh came on strong again over Christmas, messed me about (again) and was given two fingers (again).
The usual form is that after a month or two she comes back as though nothing has happened.
Well she bounced into view again at Easter. Telephoned. Said she had been seeing someone for a year – a fact which seemed to have escaped her whenever she has been in touch over the past twelve months, had never slept with him and now because was having sunshine moments had lost the inclination.
But you know it’s not all bad news, you women live longer than us men.
Hope you feel better soon.
Thanks T, I have another cat but it’s not the same, I really do miss the little guy. I had to have him put down too, he had cancer in the spine. I witnessed the whole thing, cried my eyes out and have been crying ever since. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’ve been really depressed these last few months.
We do live longer but have a crappier life, much more ilnesses, more prone to have Alzheimer’s, etc. Fucking hormones mess us up really bad.
What are you going to do about the woman? I’d give her a call if I were you. Life is really short, you know? Before you know it, it’s over.
I feel for you, wish there was something practical I could do to help.
I bred the dog that was put down and because she went everywhere with me – work, everywhere – it makes it extra hard to make a decision to end the life of a relatively young animal but then again she was going downhill fast (cancer of the liver the vet thought) so what do you do?
I brought her home to bury her. I have a real collection of pet graves now. So I talk to all of them every day. Nuts?
If it’s any consolation I keep being told I have a touch of the depressions because I have lost motivation. Worrying. The house is back on the market and all of a sudden I have viewings. So much to do. Seismic changes on the way.
That woman? No chance. She’s a messer. I enjoy chatting to her, she can be comical and she’s a bit of a looker too, but she’s a dreamer, perhaps even a fantasist. I can’t be bothered.
The weather is just getting that bit better. Perhaps when the Portuguese sun gets up you will feel a bit better. Hope so.
Hi T, you’re not nuts at all, I had a real pet cemetery in my old house, now I live in a flat, so I can’t bury my pets in the backyard like I used to.
I’ve been pessimistic and depressed my whole life but I seem to be getting worse. Old age is no picnic, eh?
The weather here is fine, today it was 30 degrees, it’s fucking hot as hell and it’s not even summmer yet. I hate it, I like rain and cold, I think I was born in the wrong country.
Happy to know you have viewings of your house, hope you sell it by a really good price.
You’ll meet someone sooner or later, I tkink you’re a real nice chap with a fantastic sense of humor and Fi said you’re handsome too. Women aren’t all crazy, someone nice will come along.
Maria, you OK? Hope you are feeling better.
Where’s Fiona? That one is in no position to comment an anyone’s looks. Have you seen her glasses prescription?
And that Zoe – she has me on the edge of my seat. What old habit? Why won’t she dish the story?
Yeah, where the hell are they? Maybe they’ve given up on the blog…
Hiya – I’m still here! I’ve been training to be a driving instructor and nearly finished. Have one more test to go but I bought my car today. Apart from that I’ve just been socialising and playing my ukulele and growing vegetables in my garden. Oh and tap dancing. How are you guys??
Hi Fi, great to know you’re doing so well. I wish I had a garden to grow my vegetables in.
Can you find somewhere for pots? If so you could grow veg in those.
Not quite the same thing, but thanks for the suggestion.
I just stumbled upon this blog – and found the early entries fascinating, and in fact decided to start my own blog – zooplanktonandphytoplankton.
I’ve already inadvertently posted a trial edit – so please forgive..
Plankton (singular Plankter) are organisms drifting in oceans, seas, and bodies of fresh water.
Ms. Plankton I assume saw herself as a Phytoplankton “nearly invisible” until collected en mass. They are in from the plant kingdom. AKA algae.
Zooplankton come from the animal kingdom and can be as small as a single cell or as large as Jellyfish.
I do not see males as Zooplankton and females as Phytoplankton, strickly as both genders can swap roles easily.
We both wander floating, sometimes aware of where and what we are. Sometimes oblivious.
But I do wish to provide input and obtain guidance as a 62 year old male sitting on the other side of some monitor.
Can I join you?
ZP
Hello ZP, welcome. I’m afraid you won’t get a great response here. Unfortunately, this blog, which used to be great, was abandoned by its author, Mrs P herself and is now practically extinct. There are only a few readers still hanging on to it, but it’s pretty much dead now.
Maria is right – I think everything that can be said has been said. It was different in the old days …..
Unless you want to tell us a bit about yourself? Get the conversation going again? Might work if you are spectacularly entertaining. 🙂
Hello, ‘The Plankton’:
If there is one common thread among this pity party it is this: women think they are still allowed to treat men as a pair of shoes. Sorry to break this to yall, but Steely Dan said it rght: You can’t buy a thrill. Your common approach is moaning about not being able to have it all. Good luck with that.
Once I got rid of the ex, I went back to college and earned two degrees with honors. I might go back and get my master’s, but I can make up my mind about that when I feel like it. The point is, a relationship drains more from the man than it does from the woman.
As long as women think they can treat men like dirt, they will never have a chance at a good relationship. I am so sick of women looking at men as a meal ticket. It is shown here in the comments in all its unabashed nakedness. Yall don’t want to admit it.
Have fun eating crow. I will gladly die alone and feeling comfortable with myself. It is much better than being involved with someone that threatens to leave when something ‘better’ comes along and constantly requires maintenance. Get over yourselves.
I always think it sad when someone, man or woman, is so consumed with bitterness against the world because something bad has happened to them. You’ve one life, don’t waste it being angry and holding grudges.
I’ll tell you what, from your comment you don’t seem to be that comfortable and happy with yourself.
Hello.
One: what has happened to Zoe? My nose is a yard long – I want to know what happened.
Two, Michael Gaston: he seems to have a bad experience.
Three, me: in woman trouble again.
Eight years ago (was it or was it seven?) I took a dating sub and as you do ended up in dialogues with women who seemed to arrive and disappear without any reason.
One had an unusual nom de plume involving “pussycat”. Her photos included a picture of her bending over and stroking this cat.
Anyway, as you do from time to time when bored, I look at this dating site. Some of the profiles are fascinating. The other day there was this same woman complete with cat, some different photographs but mostly the same pictures from seven or eight years ago.
‘Course, I had her email address from the time we had been in touch. I sent her a tongue in cheek eMail saying she had not changed a bit and asking if she had a new cat.
Instead of taking it as it was meant – I was laughing with her not at her – the reply almost set the computer on fire. I was a disgusting person who must never contact her again.
I was tempted to write back pointing out she was also (according to her profile) the same age, her clock had stood still but then thought sod it, she is a nutter.
Why do people do this? Tell complete lies. Or advertise themselves for (literally) years. What do they get out of it?
Story two. A month ago the agents made an appointment for this woman to view the house. She gets out of the car and stands staring at me. I have to plead guilty to a bit of a fashion lapse, I was wearing a pair of very torn and very revealing cords over work trousers.
When she spoke it was one word: “nice”.
She was tall, slim and had great legs but facially and personality wise had missed out big style. If the dog had a face like hers I would make it walk backwards.
Round the house we went. The most arrogant woman I have come across in years. She says: what’s under the floors? That is where our relationship ended dramatically. I explained: the first wife, the second wife and twelve inches of concrete.
With a face contorted with contempt she replied: very funny – not.
She is not buying the house.
Come on Zoe.
Your comments are amusing. It must be the way you tell them. 😄
I see you haven’t lost your touch with women, T.
Harsh. 😂😂😂😂
Hardly, you know I love T.
I do know that. I think you’d be the ideal woman for him too
Are you kidding? I’ve told you I’m hideous and he doesn’t like ugly women, I don’t like sex and most probably will never engage in that again and I live a million miles away… Now, you, on the other hand…
A motivating discussion is definitely worth comment.
I believe that you should write more about this subject matter, it might not be a taboo matter but typically people don’t
discuss these issues. To the next! All the best!!
According to the Telegraph, the ukulele is becoming immensely popular amongt the young.
Middle aged Jocks were not mentioned although they did report that Fender sold 1.5 million of the things in the States last year.
The mind boggles.
Where I lead others follow 😂😂
You guys are still here??!! What a sad bunch we are…
Sad? Me? Too true.
I am desp for Zoe to spill the beans.
Hi T, how’s your summer going?
It’s holiday time so this might be rubbish information. If you put “flight Lisbon Edinburgh” into Google it looks as though you could fly for less than £100.00.
I have spoken to Fi. She says she would collect you from the aerodrome and put you up. What more could you want? OK, free driving lessons. And a ukulele concert if you are unlucky.
Me? Thanks for asking. You want me to be honest? A bit depressed I suppose. I have had a bad spell. Lying in the bath, in bed just staring at the ceiling. Things going round in my head. Two key problems. One: clearing out my office. Two: selling this place. Neither is happening.
If I clear the office I could rent it out. If I sold the house I rid myself of the hassle of things like the garden, the cost of running the place. And I could raise capital to make my life comfortable.
Woman wise, nothing. The former girlfriend is off the scene. I would lie if I said I was comfortable on my own but, it might be me, I seem to have a bad effect on women.
What about you. Done to a crisp in 40 degree heat?
I remember you telling me your estate agent had given you advice on what to do to sell your house (I think it was dropping the price?) but you wouldn’t. Maybe you should ask for advice again and follow it.
Ask your son or friends to help you clear out the office and do something with it. Pay a cleaner and decorator to smarten it up if you aren’t going to do it yourself.
And ask for advice from other people and follow it because other people may have a different perspective than you, and yours doesn’t really work for you any longer as you’ve been stuck in the same place for years and not happy with it. Take charge of your life and make changes, make peace with the notion that you can’t always have what you want and and if you can’t do what needs to be done yourself then get other people onside to help you. You’ve been stuck in the same physical, mental and emotional place for several years. If you don’t take charge of your life you could very well end up still in the same house with a cluttered office space when you’re 80. Time to stop waiting for other things or people to change round about you and do whatever you need to do to make them change. IMHO
I did drop the price – had to do it unilaterally because the (ex) wife would not respond to calls/letters from the agents.
The agents are going to call me on Monday – I’ll see what they have to say.
The office. I have a lot of accounting to complete. Guess I have about six weeks solid work. Know for a fact I have the attention span of a goldfish. I hate it.
Hey ho. Civic Week in Coldstream. Going for six days. That will cheer me up.
Hope you are OK.
Coping the best way I can with the asphyxiating heat. This year has been especially bad regarding fires, there was a huge fire in June where 64 people died, many from asphyxiation but lots were incinerated on the spot when they were trying to escape, temperatures were above 900 degrees, just awful. The worst thing is they are man made, everybody knows it and nobody does a damn thing about it. Been feeling very depressed too this last year, have been trying some natural remedies, don’t want to get hooked on anti depressants. City is flooded with tourists, can’t go anywhere and everything is more expensive too. And that’s about it.
Jump on a plane then and go and see Edinburgh – the festival’s on too.
Fed up.
Came back from Scotland early to show a couple round the house. Spent all day cleaning/gardening. They didn’t turn up.
Then dog ate a rancid chicken carcase I was on the point of throwing out.
…………
Having fun, then…
Put the dog in the back kitchen overnight in case the chicken re-appeared as an accident.
Went to make my coffee this am and stepped in a reservoir of pee.
Hopped outside to wash my foot.
Yes I’m having a great time.
Usual glass half empty then? 😄
Course.
Have just been shopping. How tall are you says T Lover to man buying cat food. Seven feet four.
Okay, so I’ve like …. met someone. I may lose my p’toninity status again sometime within the next few months.
Under our current rules, will I still be permitted to write comments here if I’m in a healthy relationship with a living, breathing human girlfriend?
Scott if you get a girlfriend then you MUST come in here and let us know 😄
In the next few months? You’re a slow worker, Scott.
Can you find me one?
Tried the net again, flopped.
Yay! Tell us about it.
You talking to me? You want to know about my latest flop?
Well here’s one. SHE’phoned me on Sunday night and said SHE was coming to see me on Saturday. On Monday morning she had completely forgotten what she said – she admitted she had been pissed. 75% of that conversation involved her sobbing. Etc etc
@ Ms. Crewe- Can we have a new post, so we don’t have to scroll through the previous 3½ years of comments to get to recent comments?
An update about yourself, perhaps?
Losing your time, Scott.
huh?
I meant you’re wasting your time, P is not going to write a new post. This is dead.
YOur women always have something wrong with them. Now assuming that you are telling it like it is, you have to ask yourself why you keep getting this sort of woman. People who keep repeating behaviour really need to look at their contribution to the situation. I think that the internet is full of loonies, but you ignore the red flags that are displayed quite early on that other people would spot which is why you end up getting quite far down the line before their madness becomes apparent and can’t be ignored. I bet if you look back over your email exchanges there will have been hint associated with them that you could have spotted which meant she wasn’t the normal well balanced person you were hoping for. I hope when you spoke to her and she was drunk and crying you put the phone down and scored her off your list. I bet you didn’t though.
SO go back on the dating sites – maybe pick one that people pay for that might have women that share your interests, and pay attention to the warning signs and don’t respond to those women. There will be nice ones out there
That’s good advice.
Actually I was talking to Scott, T, but I always enjoy reading about your dating adventures. T, don’t take this wrong, but what’s with you and drunken women? Don’t you know any teetotal ones?
Look you two, stop ganging up on me.
Here’s another. She said my profile gave her a little titter. When I asked what a little titter was she disappeared. Surely you can’t have a big titter? And shouldn’t you have two little titters?
Here’s another. She says her friends describe her as an “unconventional woman” so I asked why? Did she have a nose on the top of her head? Or perhaps she did the season at Loch Ness? Well, she doesn’t appear to be impressed either.
Here’s another. She is based just down the road at Berwick. Looks (and sounds) right up herself. She said she was into amateur dramatics. So, I asked if her hair had been done for a production? And would my age (93) put her off having children?
I’m just getting nowhere I’m afraid.
I’m surprised. I would have thought taking the piss would have made you extremely attractive to her.
Me too, I was flabbergasted.Proper flabbered.
Anyway, I’ll have to go. Just had a message from another, what to say, older woman with photographs, I’m sure they are up to date, which look as though they were taken at school.
Don’t insult this one
T, don’t complain, you seem to have quite a lot of contacts. Surely there’s a half decent woman among them. I’m beginning to think you’re too choosy.
Look Pal, I’m not complaining or too choosy. It’s just depressing reading all the crap you have to suffer. Why aren’t people straight about themselves?
Here’s another. If a message could slur its words this one would be staggering.
I can’t cope with all this bollocks again. It’s blowing my mind,
I’ve told her I dropped my phone down the loo and that it now wipes text messages. It’s gone right over her head. I can’t handle it.
You chase them all away… got be more delicate, at least until you get them in the sack…
I want someone that suits me. I am not particularly interested in sex any more.
When the last girlfriend decided to fold her tent my BP dropped to its lowest level for years. I self test at home. I am on the way to getting back to my old waistline. My household expenditure dropped by 2/3rds. I am back to teetotal 4/5 days a week. My old car is breathing a sigh of relief. No running up and down to London.
But whilst I am regularly getting an unbrohen night’s sleep nowadays it is miserable being here (in the middle of nowhere) on my own. I think with her towards the end I had a touch of the depressions – staring into the nowhere crippled with worry.
And Fi, I have paid for what is supposed to be an up-market site. And we all have problems. It is not a perfect world.
T- Advice:
1. pay for a site and get a better class of woman who is at least serious about meeting someone.
2. Weed out the ones that appear drunk or to have emotional problems (although you may have difficulty recognising them because..well…you’re you…)
3. Be nice to them.
There you go – problem solved!
Last dating site day today. Sub is expiring.
Over the past few days I have had a backwards and forwards eMail chat with a very attractive woman whose photographs (I think they have been professionally taken – she might have been in the fashion industry) made her look a smiley sort of person.
A couple of nights ago I said my sub had a day to go and sent my eMail address, would she like to use that instead? She didn’t.
When I got home last night she sent me a curt dating site message accusing me of lying – I still had the subscription. She then sent another saying she did not tolerate lying.
Am I in La La land? My screen said I had a day, I in fact have one day seventeen hours. The site said a day. And a woman gets really heavy because I said the sub ran out in a day not knowing about the seventeen hours?
There is one very nice woman who is in regular touch. But she is seventeen years younger. She knows how old I am. She has a posh job in London 400 miles from the place I want to call home. She has complained to the police that she is being harrassed by her last boyfriend. She phones me every other day for a chat but, although she has my address, will not email.
That’s not far from it – apart from the woman who made arrangements whilst pissed – for a whole month’s sub. What a waste of time.
Go for the young one.
A long way from going for anything as we have only chatted on the ‘phone although she seems at least a little bit more serious, had a message this morning from Morocco where she is on holiday to my email address which is also a better sign.
Can I be bothered at my age to have a relationship with someone who works in London?
Well done for still even thinking about making the effort.
“Can I be bothered at my age to have a relationship with someone who works in London?” – yes, you can. You said yourself that you’ve been feeling lonely and she seems interested, so…
The sub has run out.
You lay out your life on a stall for women to pore over and you, in turn, can see theirs.
Judgments are made not at a meeting but on the back of a digital precis which, as far as I can see is often a travesty of the truth.
Last night (and the night before) I had seven hours plus straight sleep, I feel physically healthier.
The polite say I am eccentric. The blunt say mad. Even I see my lifestyle as outside the mainstream. Apart from the fact I have too much to do, the thing is I don’t want to change but I am lonely.
And having someone here is a plus because you compliment and look out for one another.
What to say? Someone with a full time job in London. I am 400 miles away. When you meet you discover the photographs you saw were of her niece.
Over the weekend in Coldstream I didn’t see anyone who made me think: she’s alright. Not a one. Here, I will not see a soul all day unless you count the neighbour’s sheep. Lovely view but it might as well be a brick wall.
I don’t want to turn back to the girlfriend – it might be too late anyway – because cutting back on the drink has been a health plus and her drink habit was expensive money and emotional wise. All the big bust ups were drink triggered. But everything else fitted – we were seen as a good couple.
Bugger it. I am going to take my foot off the dating gas, cool the London effort and see if this too young woman keeps in touch.
Wouldn’t mind looking at sheep from my window, love animals. Me all I see is people and endless rows of cars. Don’t lose contact with the nice young lady.
I can’t stop thinking about it – I don’t mean her I mean it.
It’s 3.00 o’clock. Been on the go in the garden all day. Got to shop. Then on to Ashton to help clear a house. Friend’s Mother has died. When I get back I will have to vac round, cook……
I have to work this week. Then on Saturday I’m going to have my first day fishing for months or go to the Midland Game Fair (both subject to weather and nothing cropping up) or I’m going to Scotland to clean the house before a friend and his wife arrive on Monday. He is a dab hand at plumbing and they are going to stay for the week.
Etc.
So, how do I manage a relationship with a lot younger woman who works full time 400 miles south? Not really on is it?
Anyway, Fiona has volunteered to help. She’s tipping up on Sunday in her work clothes. She’s a good girl that Fi.
Don’t know why you complain so much, you seem to have a really full life and not short of company either, just not the romantic kind. FI is great. Now, there’s the right woman for you…
That’s what Fiona says – I moan.
Fi and I are from different planets – nice though she is – and I can tell you now she is not ineterested in me.
Thanks for the idea anyway.
Have you noticed, Maria, there is no sign of Fiona. Do you think we are the last two on the planet?
Or do you think her PC/laptop/tablet/phone is/are all broken or her internet provider has cut her off?
Or do you think one or two things I have said – things intended to pull her leg – have gone down like a lead balloon and she is cross?
But when she’s cross she normally lets fly so what do you think?
Yeah, where is Fi? She’s not crossed with you, I’m sure, and what have you said that was so offensive that I missed it. She’s probably too busy with her gardening, playing the ukelele and the driving lessons. I hope she’s ok. Unfortunately T, I think we’re both witnessing the last breath of this blog. Maybe we can chat somewhere else, do you have facebook (if you want to, that is)?
I hope Fi is alright.
I don’t use Facebook.
A while ago you gave you gave your full name. Could I ask a friend who does use it to trace you?
I can’t remember how I met Fi. I’ll have to look back. Did she give her eMail address? Or did I?
T, I don’t mind at all your friend tracing me on the net, but he’s not not gonna find anything. Anyway my full name is Maria da Conceição Malheiro Pereira and I live in Braga, Portugal. My email address: conceicaomalheiro@sapo.pt. I sure hope Fi is ok.
I’m a 41 and single man. It’s tough. I’ve been on many, many first dates. I’ll keep looking.
Sorry I missed these comments – I somehow managed to unsubscribe so didn’t get any notifications. Will try to remedy that. Anyway, here’s Ms P (calling Scott) in today’s Daily Mail
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4893400/Salon-secret-means-long-hair-past-50.html
Fi, I sent you a mail. Didn’t you get it?
No!
Oh fuck! Have you checked the mails in your computer? When I got yours I tried to answer in your own mail but I couldn’t. I wrote a new one, sent it and apparently it was ok. Don’t you have another e-mail? My computer is a bit old (Windows 7) and it seems it’s incompatible with your iphone. I’ve been changing mails with T without any problems, so I don’t know what went wrong. Let me know. I really loved your photo, what a gorgeous woman you are, such a kind face and you’ve got lovely big eyes. Are you a redhead? I couldn’t tell.
meant “exchanging”
I’m gonna try a different e-mail. Let me know if you got it or not.
No. Maybe it will come through later. I checked my junk file as well in case it ended up there, but it’s empty.
I just got your new mail and sent it again. Let’s see what happens.
Hiya – yes I got it to my blue yonder address and I’ve responded. Honestly I don’t know why you’ve been going on about being ugly as obviously you aren’t!! Lunatic 🙂 🙂
Thanks, Fi, but it was obviously the flattering light. I assure you I have much worse photos than that.
Good heavens, I think I just read most of the posts on this blog (and most of the comments) in one sitting. Absolutely fascinating. If the cast of characters commenting here primarily lived in the US, I’d be expressing an interest in shooting a documentary on all of this, but I suspect the great majority live in the UK. As good as Ms. Crewe’s writing is, the real action was in the comments section, which, twenty years from now, should be revisited and appreciated as social/cultural history .
Yep, I’ve come bAck in a few times and re-read the comments. They’re funny, sad, thoughtful and it’s interesting to watch the relationships develop between the commentators.
@Fi
I wholly agree. It will be a shame when this thread (and the blog) finally and completely gives up the ghost. And I’m saying this as a guy who only very belatedly arrived on the scene. When I discovered the blog a few days ago, I felt like someone stumbling upon a treasure trove of human longing, hope, and misery. It must have been great fun when it was actually ongoing. I’m sorry I missed that.
It was infuriating but also good fun. It’s the only blog I ever read or commented on. Hey ho though – all good things come to an end.
Hello me ol’ muckers, still on here?
sure are.
I am. Can’t resist peering in. Maria and I have swopped photos and she and t have chatted in the phone – it’s been all action! What have you been up to?
Hi there, It’s been ages, I know. In fact it’s been so long that I have tales to tell… Last time I was on here I was seeing that chap, but I was a bit undecided. Right? Like some hard-to-please princess, I was making him jump through hoops to prove that he was worthy. We must have gone on 15 dates or so. Eventually I decreed it was time, and invited him to my Chamber. But, the very next morning, instead of sinking into a happy ever after, my Prince Charming was as cold as ice. And he promptly disappeared on a cycling holiday abroad, and I never saw him again – or as good as. We did talk on the phone, and it turned out that he had never been able to have a relationship with anyone since a major relationship trauma three years previously. Something he had somehow omitted to tell me during our 15 dates. I saw him again just the other day – literally the first time since that morning after. He said he hadn’t seen anyone since, though tried a few weeks ago, but “ran away” from that one too! So THIS is internet dating in your fifties … the joy! A couple of months ago my very lovely young doctor came back, professing that he thought about me every day – and indeed more. Which might have been tempting, except it turns out he has acquired a brand new baby along the way. So instead of courting a situation which would surely turn into one unholy mess, I went back onto the Internet. Met someone I really did like this time – really, really – immediately and completely smitten. Handsome, educated, and sorted. He was l think the first person in 15 years I had met that I actually thought was right. We had a whirlwind romance in the South of France, which promptly fell apart when we got back to England. Of course! I’m still mulling that one over. And that pretty much brings me up to date … alone on a Saturday evening making comments on the plankton blog … Plus ca change.. 🙂
**shakes head**
Oh dear, those all sounded so promising. Big round of applause for persevering when the rest of us appear to have given up making any sort of effort.
I joined a dating site for 3 days and had one man with a brilliantly funny profile that I think had been written by someone else as he certainly didn’t have any conversational skills, and after chatting to a man I thought was interesting was asked if I would consider becoming his mistress as he had a long term partner (and child by the way) with depression, and the usual assortment of “Hi’s, want to chat xxx”. Oh and one who asked me to tell him the kinkiest thing I had done. And another who asked for a full length photo. I asked “Is it because you want to check if I’m fat?” and he said “well, are you?”. So I sent him a picture that I found on google images of a big woman in her underwear stuffing her face with cake and said “Here I am!” then never heard from him again. I found it funny anyway even if he didn’t, and that was the highlight of my internet dating experience. So I came off. Back to drinking gin and tending to my cats I guess (actually that bit’s true) but looking on the bright side at least I have an active social life and a healthy liver.
Thank you, Fi, but I don’t know if a round of applause is in order. Having given the age-appropriate internet dating a whirl, I’m feeling pessimistic – probably for the first time since I’ve been on this blog (and after all folks, we’ve all been on here for some time …). When I went back on the internet, I went on three dates, equipped with a relatively can-do, open-minded attitude – a certain willingness to be attracted, as it were. But the first had a stutter, the second was socially awkward, and the third dull. By this time I knew all the profiles, and there was literally no one else appropriate on there. I was only a few days away from the end of my subscription, when Mr Wonderful appeared. In theory, that should be encouraging, because if it happened once it could happen again, right? But that’s not how I felt – and not how I feel. I believe he is the last man who will ever feel right – that he appeared at all now strikes me as an aberration that won’t be repeated. Gin and cats, eh? Well, give me a chance to get used to the idea …
You lot make me giggle. Naive or what?
I’ve just had a similar experience. It’s the norm unless you are lucky.
She sent seventeen Es in two mornings.
Why mornings? I then find out she’s living with a bloke who (probably) was not around in the mornings. ‘Course she doesn’t like him. Course not.
It’s as though these women are stealing your emotions and your life because of some romantic fantasy.
And then there are the proper nutters. Remember Fi when you labelled me an abuser along with that loony Ethel? We don’t hear a lot about these nagging, controlling, devious (like the one who has just crossed my path) belittling women – you walk up the isle with Dr Jeckyll but back with Mr Hyde.
Imagine livng with Ethel. What a treat that would be.
Why is it always men to blame?
Okay, TL. But why “naive”?
As for blaming men. Not sure whether you were suggesting I was, but I don’t think I was doing that. My own ambivalence and hesitation with Mr 15 dates was clearly contributory. And, as I say, I’m still mulling over what happened with Mr Wonderful. Or are you just polarising the debate in order to create mischief, as usual? 🙂
I assumed as usual 😬
I was just going to launch the dog – she’s agitating for a her walk.
So in haste. Will have to think about an answer.
From my male perspective I find this whole meeting women thing depressing. I am in my position (on my own) not because I am perfect but the exact opposite – because I’m not. If I was I would be happily married with an adoring daughter, not depressive and stressed about the future.
I suppose I just don’t get the notion that when things go wrong it is never “your” fault. Or given women are as bad as (if not worse) than men why the man always gets the kicking.
Well you would Fi.
You assume that this is not a reasonable point of view because you don’t agree so it can’t be reasonable.
I know I have faults. I admit it. But it’s time you stopped thinking that if someone is not made in your image they are inferior or unreasonable.
“I suppose I just don’t get the notion that when things go wrong it is never “your” fault.” Fine. But no one said that.
Well have a look at the exchange between Peggy and Fi in November 2015.
They were, (as Fi put it “game on”) having a game to see who got on best on their respecctive dating sites.
Apparently, someone you women have never met is a reject becaause he has the wrong colour trousers. How shallow can you be?
I have never got the impression that logic is one of your strong points, TL.
What the f*ck is wrong T? Why are you so angry?
T is clever, attractive and can tell a funny story. All that should get him a woman.
Unfortunately he is also bitter, angry, belligerent, likes to get his own way and likes to provoke an argument. Which is why the sensible women stay away from him and he only gets the nutters.
All true, I suspect.
The only reason you “suspect”,Zoe is because you don’t know.
But hey ho, if Fi says so it must be right.
Nah, it’s just a figure of speech. I’m partial to understatement. I know alright!
hahahahaha Zoe.
T – look at your comments over this page and tell me you’re not provocative, argumentative and angry.
By your own admission all the women you get involved with are nutters.
It’s possible there is not a correlation between the two, but I think most women would think “God, he’s angry, imagine having to tip toe round him when he’s in one of his moods”. Or leaving the room only to have you follow them dredging up comments from 2015, out of context, and trying to start an argument.
Or maybe that’s just me 🙂
Of course you do Zoe, I have underestimated what a bright girl you are – or perhaps overlooked your close relationship with Mystic Meg.
Anyway you two I am in awe of the success you (don’t) have with men.
I suppose the root cause is the only men you both attract are nutters (as Fiona puts it) or, and I am holding my breath, do men have a problem with you?
Well we seem quite happy as we are. And what makes you think we don’t have success? 🙂
Well you’ve got me there. I, unlike you, don’t know everything.
So, whilst your line on this blog is: tried internet dating but all the men wore the wrong colour trousers so gave up. Took up tap dancing and am blissfully happy, the truth is different is it?
You didn’t like the colour but you insisted on wearing the pants anyway?
Wrong?
Or all the men were nutters? You attract them too then?
Wrong again?
Then why did you try “dating” if you were happy with your life? Why didn’t it work out?
Wrong? You do have “success” but you have kept the card close to your chest?
Pull the other one.
Provocative? You? QED
This is me metaphorically leaving the room now. I’ll come out to play when we get nice T again.
I know where you live, Fiona.
If you don’t watch it I’ll send Harvey Weinstein round with a Scold’s bridle.
That’ll shut you up.
Any particular choice of trouser colour?
what is this ‘wrong colour trousers’ stuff? I have no idea what you are talking about.
Thought you were sulking.
You see how nice and warm it is, James? Come on in!
Cradle snatcher.
I’m not a sulker – I’m back in the room because you’re being nice.
And I thought I’d better respond now as who knows what you’ll be like mood wise in 30 minutes. 😬
Jeez, now I’m being accused of mood swings.
What next? Bestiality? Necrofilia?
Bestiality – sorry that was insensitive with Zoe around.
Sweet Peace O’er hell her pinions spread?
And..hello, James. Nice to hear from an “outsider”. Come on in, be an “insider” and share a bit more with us … You seem to see us as specimens of cultural – even historical – interest, so should we take it that you are a bit younger than us?
Don’t answer. If you admit you are a bit younger there’ll be a knock on the door any time soon.
Cheeky bugger.
Buggery is something I have never fancied the idea of – in any shape or form.
He must be younger. 🙂 Yes James – come join us….. We don’t bite. (Well T might 🙂 )
I still have the umbrella w/ Christmas tree lights that I’d assembled into a costume for my 40th birthday back in 2012. The LED Christmas tree lights are battery operated, they still work, so I still have a fully functioning jellyfish costume in case we need to welcome any newcomers here.
Hahahaha. THat would be some display and sure should tempt them to come in. You should post a video of yourself in costume for us to see it – sod the potential newbies
T, chill.
My 45th birthday was 6 months ago now. I’d forgotten- was I supposed to wear a starfish costume to celebrate my continuing planktoninity?
I thought you had found a girl…
So did I.
OH dear. Spill the beans – details please. What happened and how did you meet her?
@ Fi & Maria- thank you for being supportive, or as close to supportive as I should expect I suppose.
Please read what I wrote carefully- I’d merely referred to my “continued status as a plankon” AT THE MOMENT- just like yourselves, I suppose. I did not state that I intend or expect to remain a plankton indefinitely.
Please note here that I did not state that nothing is GOING to happen between me and a certain lady friend whom I’d met last year, and I did not say that nothing CAN happen. I was merely pointing out that nothing has happened YET.
Sometimes the trick is to allow these things to progress and develop at whatever pace we’re BOTH comfortable with, and sometimes “SLOWLY” is the key…
If anything happens which alters my planktoninity status, I promise you, you people will be the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th people to learn of the change in my planktoninity status.
You’ve been going out for a year and nothing has happened yet??!! Very odd. She’s probably shaging someone else and using you to dine, lunch, whatever for free. Open your eyes.
“shagging”
Maria – you old romantic!!
I think I’ve got myself a date for tomorrow night – a bloke I’ve been chatting to has bought me a ticket for a music gig. That’s what happens when you’re a) bored and go on POF and b) have drunk wine.
Oh my god – i like to chat and flirt but actually meeting them is a whole new ball game. And not one I’m sure I’m prepared for.
Actually the wine is why I’m having problems here – who said Scott had been with a woman for a year, and if so, what’s been happening for that year?
All I’d stated is that I’ve met someone. That’s all.
Stay tuned for news of any further developments or lack thereof.
@ Fi- Best of luck to you with whomever you seem to have recently met here. Remember Fi, we’re all cheering you on …
Well to be honest, I suppose that I can’t speak on behalf of anyone else here, but Scott is cheering you on !!!
Fi, hope your date went well. Will you fill us in? Keep us entertained please! There is something peculiar about internet dating. It’s just out of kilter with who we are as evolved beings (in a product-of-evolution way, rather than morally developed).
So I have been mulling quite intensively what happened with Mr Wonderful. It was he who ended it. And he ended it essentially with a text. And then refused to have a conversation about it. Now this is poor in any circumstance in my book, but figure this: he’s a psychotherapist. What kind of talking therapist refuses to talk? He texted that he was “not robust enough” to continue the relationship and “not robust enough” to even talk about why. He said he would talk about it sometime in the “next few weeks”.
Well that was five weeks ago. And, of course, I need closure. So it’s maddening. So what I decided to do is try to rally my thoughts about what happened and what went wrong and write him an email.
So for the past week, I have been labouring over an email, trying to pinpoint what was relevant and what wasn’t, trying to be honest and truthful, trying to see it from his point of view and trying to be fair to both of us. And also to find a narrative – and an ending – that we could both live with. It has been surprisingly and horribly time consuming, but I finally came up with a version that I felt happy to send him.
I sent it to him today, after making some small amendments this morning, and texted him at the same time to say I was sending him an email. Immediately after I sent the text, he left me a voice message. He said he’d seen my text about my email, but wanted to let me know that he would not read the email as he thinks it would be better to chat.
LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH!
Fi, I do hope for your sake, your bloke is not a fucking psychotherapist.
xx
Well mine – he was just a dull, podgy middle aged man who works in an office who was out because his daughter had told him to, and she had also written his profile which made him seem considerably more interesting than he actually was. I like men with a bit of personality and confidence but so many of the single ones I come across seem like little voles, hiding away from women. He was a nice guy. I’m sure he was a lovely dad. He’d carry your shopping for you if you asked him to (but you’d need to ask him as he wouldn’t think of it himself) and he probably lived on takeaways or microwave meals. Nice but dull. Would anyone ever look at him, or listening to him, just become overcome with lust? Nope. Would you look forward to talking to him about events to get his take on things? Nope, as his viewpoint was negative and pedestrian. He knows what he likes, he likes what he knows, and he’s liked the same things for years. If he was my friend I’d like him, feel a bit sorry for him and think it was a shame he couldn’t find a nice woman to look after him. I’m afraid that a man in his 50s lacking in the confidence to be himself, or the imagination to be anything other than staidly conventional, does nothing for me except make me want to bolt out of there. So I’m afraid I did. I gave it 4 hours and that was enough. The heart wants what the heart wants, and mine doesn’t want to be bored. And I still have a smidgeon of hope that somewhere I will encounter a single man my age who isn’t a) a pervert or b) emotionally damaged or c) socially challenged. Someone I can respect that also doesn’t bore me.
Are you going to speak to your man then? Will he speak back? How can he not read an email – he will as who can genuinely ignore something like that in their inbox? Nobody.
Oh, dear. “He’d carry your shopping for you if you asked him to (but you’d need to ask him as he wouldn’t think of it himself) “. Yes. Sounds like an all round disappointment. But it was funny for us 🙂
No, I’m not going to chat. I feel like I’ve been working on a special present for the last week and delivered it and he’s taken a hammer to it. It’s just rude and controlling to say you won’t read an email because you judge chat would be better. Most particularly when I only wrote the email because he wouldn’t chat.
I’m exceedingly good at keeping friends with past boyfriends. I don’t think there’s a boyfriend/lover since I was 28 that I’m not friendly with. Even Mr 15 Dates is now my pub quiz partner! I just think it’s a good thing to try to do. But that doesn’t seem to be likely this one. I am a bit sad that it breaks my record.
I blame psychotherapy though. I think it can sometimes cut across common decency.
And ‘not robust enough’ makes him sound neurotic. And ending it with a text is cowardly.And refusing to give you the explanation you deserve is disrespectful I think. What? you can have sex with a man, spend time with him, get to know him and share experiences and plans and then think you don’t even respect them enough to give the other person an explanation for why you’ve changed your mind when you know they want one? It’s not you – it’s him.
Ah, Fi and Maria. Thank you for your thoughts.
Ah what do we know. We are bitter old hags 🙂 🙂
True
Sod him. I would never contact him again.
Wo-ah…David Cassidy. Something of our youth and hope and romance died today. I guess it Couldn’t Be Forever after all…
hahaha. I loved him. My first crush. I’ve still got his music on my iPod that I sing along to when I’m driving. It was David all the way – not Donny. You knew that there was something exciting about him, as opposed to boring conventional Donny, God he was lovely. Although he was tiny, and he went too far with his plastic surgery. A sad day indeed.
Or this one:
And I went on Match.com last night – I was so popular I got three really handsome men contacting me within 2 minutes. One was a Russian millionaire. One was an SAS commander. One was a major deployed in Afghanistan. All of them liked walking on the beach and watching sunsets but none of them wrote very good english and asked for my email address. I’m offended that I now fall into the ‘gullible elderly lonely old hag’ category. But hey ho, I hadn’t paid so after I reported them I came off.
He had dementia.:(
Wow!.. this thread’s been near 4 yrs in the making & still going!. Tre impressive!.
Pls allow me to introduce myself. My name is Savino, but everyone calls me Sid. Can’t quite recall how i got here now, but glad that i did. The whole Plankton concept chimes true with my lot too, as does the 4 yr long commentary on topic, & insightful snippets of the commentators’ personal lives. Reading through your epic thread, i thought i’d like to share with all of you, my plan to help progress my lot up through the food chain. I’ve decided to, instead of limiting divine fate to possible chance meetings & frivolous social gatherings, i will try to employ what psychological science we might have at hand to assist in determining & finding my ever elusive perfect match. To this task i have assigned a list of inclusions & eliminations, & the esoteric science of the Chinese Horoscope & Western Astrology. I am a Rat, therefore my most compatible partner by 95% is a Dragon, I am Aquarius, therefore my most compatible partner is Libra. In this conclusion, my perfect match is a Libra/Dragon, someone born between Sept 22 – Oct 23, 1964. Which puts her 4 years younger than me. Then i have created a list of likes/dislikes, eg. food, hygiene, sex drive, cleanliness, tidiness, wastefulness, music genres, desired at home living temperature, etc, etc. I have 2 friendly ex-wives, 6 children & 6 grandchildren, & i’ll be damned if i’m going to be denied the rest of my life of my one particular soul-mate.. Cheers & Goodwill to you all in 2018!..
That’s me!! Only kidding. How are you going to go about finding this person that you’ve identified? To be honest the writer of the blog identified herself as a plankton, but not all of us think that about ourselves. I think you can stay as attractive as you always were, and actually by the time you add in personality and character you can become more attractive than you were when you were younger. The downside, which you have identified in your long list of specific likes and dislikes, is finding someone prepared to fit our expanding list of must have criteria as the older we get the more we like things our own way and are less prepared perhaps to adapt. That’s why those of us who aren’t partnered up are actually on our own I think – it isn’t that there’s nobody out there, it’s that we just don’t want what they have to offer.
Oh just realised you’re actually joking aren’t you?
1st of all- thank you for your reply & insightful input. 2ndly- i have absolutely no idea how to go about implementing this plan as yet. 3rdly- the list of criteria goes way beyond the few examples i gave, & as you mention, keeps on expanding. 4thly- i have this innately naive faith in that, the universe will ultimately provide. & lastly- in response to your most recent post, “Oh, no i’m not!” 🙂
Oh dear. You haven’t learned anything from reading the posts here.
Welcome to the rest of the Perpetually Single – that group of us who believe that somewhere out there is someone who will meet our extremely high standards which we apply to a wide range of criteria while simultaneously require nothing from us that we aren’t prepared to compromise on.
Settle down and enjoy it because you’re going to be here quite a while.
Hahaha!! Touche’, Hooray!!.. So Be It! 🙂
Four years younger, Folklore? Why is that? What puts the one year younger, two years younger, three years younger woman out of contention? Are you likely thereby to snag yourself a woman with different qualities? No Or different looks? Not really. You seem to be asking for a woman who stands in a particular relationship to you. Why is it that men like this idea that they have more experience, more years than the woman? It’s the seniority thing isn’t it, surely? The idea the woman is more junior to them. How is that this is in any way a good or desirable thing in this day and age? Why is there not more self reflection about this kind of thing? (All assuming of course that you’re not joking, of which I am not yet completely convinced…).
Now, I would say on the whole I’m pretty upbeat about dating as an older woman. But some things, frankly, are a bit shit.
I’m no longer subscribing to an internet dating website, but found myself scrolling through the New Year offerings today. There was one man I found myself looking at with some interest. Similar age, similar work, a thoughtful, attractive profile, and pretty fit looking and physically appealing. I think to myself: he’s a sort of male version of me. In other words, potentially suitable.
He’s also a widower, which while not exactly a plus, avoids the pitfalls of the bitter and resentful divorced man – and suggests someone who might be more attuned to what’s important in life.
I was thinking about whether to resubscribe simply to send a message, when I caught sight of his age parameters. He is 58. He was asking for women between the ages of 30-45. WTF? He’s imagining being with a woman 28 years younger than himself, while someone 12 years younger than himself is too old. On average, he’s looking for someone 21 years younger!
This is one of the reasons online dating in middle age is such an absurdity. In any sane and logical world he ought to be – and ought to consider himself – an ideal match for someone like me. But so attuned is he to the idea that older man is entitled to the younger woman – so endlessly reproduced in movies and commercials – I imagine him quite unabashed, quite unreflective, in marking hisrequirements.
Did the appropriateness of imposing his future 70 year old self on a 49 year old even cross his mind? Does he simply expect his ideal mate to nurse him into his dotage? Is he not troubled at any level that if the roles were reversed and his wife (“my beautiful, accomplished, kind and quite brilliant wife of nearly thirty years”) had outlived him, she would be considered utterly hors de combat by his online equivalent today?
All this weirdness is compounded by the fact that he is clearly someone who thinks of himself as a sensitive intelligent grounded modern right-on man.
And none of this would be particularly worth a whole comment if it were a one off, but it’s pretty standard. And WHOLLY standard for the more attractive men – i.e. the only ones you’d actually be interested in! It’s enough to make you think that someone should get off their hindquarters and write a blog called “The Plankton” or something ….
Bollocks
Yeah but he won’t get one will he? What I’ve come to realise is that the men that appear to like me are often significantly older and fatter/uglier/more boring/less educated than me. It’s astounding that they have such an inflated view of themselves. I mean they obviously don’t suffer from the qualms that women suffer from – questioning their attractiveness and wondering whether anyone will ever want them. That seems to me to be one of the differences between men and women. But them wasn’t it always the case, even when we were young? I’ve heard older women tell me how humiliated they were when they struck up polite conversations with random men at BBQs or parties TO BE POLITE, only for the men to conclude that the woman obviously fancied them and then go out of their way to snub her to make it clear they didn’t find her attractive. Maybe that’s the other difference, and why women end up in unpleasant harassment situations – we are primed to be polite from a young age and we find it difficult to extricate ourselves without appearing to be rude, so consequently we assume men talk to us to be polite too. But actually if you aren’t brought up like that it maybe doesn’t occur to you that the reason a woman is laughing at your jokes is not because you are hysterically funny, but because it’s good manners.
What is pleasantly surprising though is the number of men 15-20 years younger than me i.e who are 35-40 who contact me telling me they like older women and enjoy their company more than women their own age. Because we have less drama in our lives and are pretty self sufficient and interesting.
Hi Zoel, to be clear.. it puts her 4yrs younger, because her’s was the closest year of the Dragon to my year of the Rat. Her previous Dragon yr is 1952.. one after is 1976.. & my Rat yr is 1960.. u do the math.:)
oops!.. *Zoe* 😦
Zoel!.. hehe what Superman/Woman might call their son! 🙂
it’s all in the (devil’s) in the details.. & don’t we all know it!? thats why we’re here.. its all about the detail.. 🙂
Ok.. i clearly have too much time on my hands today.. recent posts have inspired an idea: Lets try our own (personal/social) Plankton experiment. Hows this sound? We google eachother’s names (or post pics here) & with (brutal) transparent honesty, we comment on eachother’s outwardly appearance, & maybe give a scale 0 -10. Wadda’ you guys think?! i’m happy to volunteer 1st.. Here goes nothin’! Sid Barone (Folklore) Griffith NSW, Australia…. there’s no turning back for me now!! 🙂 as far as i’m concerned, pls be brutally honest, & feel free to spare me nothing.
Why would anyone of us want to do that? Would it make you feel good if say someone classed you as 8 out of 10? What would you feel if you were rated as 2 out of 10? What would be the point as (to most people anyway) there’s more to attractiveness than what appears in a photo. And so what if in your photo you were a 10 out of 10 – what would that achieve or prove? And to be frank why would anyone be interested in commenting on someone else’s outward appearance?
Yes, Fi. That was a totally mad suggestion, folklore. Why would we women want to mark each other out of 10 in brutal fashion when we can sit at home awarding ourselves an 8 or a 9?
“And to be frank why would anyone be interested in commenting on someone else’s outward appearance?”
Oh, i don’t know.. might it be words like pudgy, old, fat, balding, crooked teeth, & loads of other disparaging physical observations i’ve read within the posts above.. any of them come to mind? 🙂
“when we can sit at home awarding ourselves an 8 or a 9?
Hahaha!.. the modesty in this one got me, Zoe. Why not go the whole hog, & be self-awarded 10’s? 🙂
& hey.. relax, it was only a suggestion… Sheez!! did i insult anyone?- No. was i rude to anyone?- No. did i hurt anyone?- No. Case closed!
“And to be frank why would anyone be interested in commenting on someone else’s outward appearance?”
Oh, i don’t know.. might it be words like pudgy, old, fat, balding, crooked teeth, & loads of other disparaging physical observations i’ve read within the posts above.. any of them come to mind? 🙂”
Still not following the logic of why we should comment. Is it so that you can say “see you’re not attractive either?”
And if so, I still don’t see the point.
Strangest thing!.. i’m unable to see any of the posts since my last one. I know there’s been lots of commotion between you, my email inbox is full of notifications, but no matter what i do ie. refresh page, click email links, start from scratch by searching The Plankton, your posts do not appear. Has this ever happened to any of you?? Seriously i can feel myself quickly slipping into withdrawal here!!
It’s interesting though, isn’t it, Fi? In the history of this blog, three people have posted their photos. ALL of them male! And Folklore is just the last in this sequence. Men don’t seem to be wary of being rated – don’t feel they’re exposing themselves and don’t take it too personally. They just think it might possibly up their chances of pulling! Another gender distinction, methinks …
Yes! I totally agree. It is extremely interesting – either they all think they’re gorgeous (which was my point above, that they have an inflated view of themselves whereas women tend to be very self critical) or they don’t identify with their appearance the way women do (and consequently don’t take negative feedback on their appearance personally). But I think you are also right in that they do it as a way of pulling. If not then why would anyone present themselves like that asking people to look at them?
Folklore – tell us what was going through your head. Explain the differences between the sexes to us.
Bloody hell, at your age you want to know the difference between the sexes?
Or have I eaten something that’s made me high?
I think we know some of the differences, it’s the reason for the apparent different perspectives that’s interesting though.
Yes, I think primarily it’s to do with your second point. Men don’t think their value resides in their appearance. – at least not to the same extent by some margin. We’re still a bit stuck on that one, I fear …
Wot?
The perspectives are different for several reasons.
A small example, badly put, an example might be the fact women have bosoms which stick out. And men have todgers that (if the woman is lucky) also stick out. Haven’t you noticed we (men and women that is) are different shapes?
That’s interesting too Zoe don’t you think? We were discussing the differences in how comfortable women feel about our appearance and how comfortable we feel with any criticism of how we look, T just reduces everything to sex.
What do you mean “reduces”?
You mean you want to have an intellectually elevated, high brow discussion about why women display on internet dating sites photographs taken whilst they were at school? And not current photographs showing they are not quite at their best any more.
Rather than the gutter subject: sex.
Come to think about it if a woman falsifies her real appearance (as 75% seem to do) isn’t that all about sex?
Anyway, what’s the problem about pointing out men and women are different shapes. Different bloody everything as far as I can see. But there we are.
Oh! You’re talking about dating sites?
Zoe and I were talking about why 3 male readers of this blog wanted us to look at their photos.
Excuse me, you were inviting someone who uses the ambiguous name “Folklore” and who claims to be based in a southern hemisphere convict colony to explain the different perspectives between men and women.
I then one: pointed out:at your age you should know the differences yourself, and two: gave some examples although I now wish to add a correction.
That bit of mine which I suggested might stick out on a man is definitely now drooping.
And an addition: one of the differences between men and women is not in shape it is the inherent ability of women to turn black into white.and keep a straight face.
Yes, Fi. TLover – as ever – is wilfully misconstruing or torpedoing the conversation in order to disrupt it. Exhibit A above is the one word comment “Bollocks”. I think the key is not to reward the behaviour by granting him what he wants: attention.
Oh no, now you gals are arranging your wagons in a circle.
Again.
“Excuse me, you were inviting someone who uses the ambiguous name “Folklore” and who claims to be based in a southern hemisphere convict colony to explain the different perspectives between men and women.”
Provocative as always T
“I then one: pointed out:at your age you should know the differences yourself, and two: gave some examples although I now wish to add a correction. That bit of mine which I suggested might stick out on a man is definitely now drooping.”
Good
“And an addition: one of the differences between men and women is not in shape it is the inherent ability of women to turn black into white.and keep a straight face.”
You don’t bother paying attention to what we are talking about, jump in with some unrelated nonsense, and as always try to blame ‘women’ for your mistake and throw one of your usual insults at us. You just can’t hold your hands up and say you misunderstood what was going on can you? It has to be ‘women’s’ fault yet again.
Come on Zoe, can’t you two find something more interesting to entertain me on a wet january Friday?
Be a sport.
I’ve an idea. Can’t you roll out the voice of reason: Ethel.
🙂
To be clear, that 🙂 was for Fi …
What do you mean “good”?
Now you really are bringing out the heavy weapons. The peculiar yellow faces.
Honestly do you not get fed up listening to yourself?
“It’s women’s fault – they’re irrational”
“It’s women’s fault – they’re unreasonable”
“it’s women’s fault – they’re demanding”
Then when faced with any negative response to any of this it’s “Why are you picking on me?”
We’ve heard the same stuff for years.
Women aren’t irrational although i can see why they lose it with you when you take into account the way you dismiss what we say, treat us with no respect, speak to us, and about us, as if we are idiots and have a default position of insulting us as the norm.
The “good” was particularly good, I thought …
Glad you’re here Zoe. Left on my own I rose to T’s bait. 🙂 Imagine being his wife or girlfriend – you’d be rocking in the corner with your fingers in your ears or shovelling xanax down your throat.
Well that’s not very nice, Zoe.
I paid you a compliment – I said bosoms stuck out. I didn’t say: sometimes stuck out if the bloke’s lucky”
What do you mean “imagine being his wife or girlfriend”?
There is no hope of that. I like nice kind, rational people with a sense of humour.
And to be fair although I’m rational, I’m neither kind nor have a sense of humour.
This is rather like being a naked Christian at the Coliseum.
But instead of lions there are women on chains not trying to eat you but give you a spanking.
You like “nice kind, rational people with a sense of humour” TL? That’s how your last wife was when you first knew her was it? Interesting that from your own reports it’s not the way she is now. I wonder what might explain that? As Fi says, rocking in the corner …
But you’ve got me at it now. So I’ll stop.
Now if you want to make it really personal…….or perhaps you would like to apologise.
Zoe 🙂 🙂 🙂
That’s bitchy Fi.
What’s bitchy?
You are Fi.
Give me an example of what I’ve said that’s bitchy.
Well Fi, I’m going to duck that one. I’ll tell you why.
I looked at the three yellow whatsits and thought you had put three smiling faces under Zoe’s remark. I have put my glasses on and can’t work out whether they are smiling, neutral or a bit sad.
What emotion were they showing? And why don’t you use words instead of yellow blobs?
i like the blobs. Look T, you’re funny. You’ve got a good turn of phrase. You can tell a good story. Why not just do that instead of littering your comments with references to ‘you women’ and ‘the trouble with women’? We would laugh with you instead of getting irritated by or ignoring your attempts to be provocative. That’s when you are charming and entertaining.
I was given a Grayson Perry book for Christmas – The descent of man. I read the first two pages and started to boil. The feminists are now being supported by the cross dressers.
Only three/four hundred years ago men lived on their wits and by their aggression. It’s in our genes. There are a lot of men who are programmed to be what they are.
Now in this completely different world we are being emasculated. I don’t like it.
My way of dealing with it is to poke fun.
yes i agree.
In happy times with my ex-wife she only had to get together with one of her friends and the leg pulling started. “Blokes” were their favourite Mickey take. They could be in fits laughing at “men”.
I thought it was great.
And I smile at those spoof adult Penguins about “Men”.
And the ex girlfriend (I am making Zoe right – as though I do get through them) used to have a pet name for me (read this, eat it and forget), Goblet, which she used to call using a ridiculous voice, Why? To take the piss when I was doing man things.
The point? Laughing at our differences is often more effective than the heavy crap we are having rammed down our throats by the media.
In my experience if a bloke has made an unwanted nuisance of himself in the office the women will form a circle and ostracise him. They would also exclude a politically correct, humourless individual, the sort who cast a damper on everything.
I remember, years ago leaving a football match with a girlfriend. In the press at the exit she started to wriggle. Someone had put a hand up her skirt. People my age laugh about that sort of thing. She has not been psychologically damaged and afterwards used to laugh about it too.
But nowadays making all this a serious no no has become an industry. He brushed his arm across my knee 15 years ago, I haven’t mentioned it to anyone until now but I am doing it because he is famous and I can whinge on the telly. What a load of crap.
Yes, it’s Zoe. Not Zara. Not sure how that one slipped in.
“Hahaha!.. the modesty in this one got me, Zoe. Why not go the whole hog, & be self-awarded 10’s”
Not so much modesty, as irony – of the self-mocking variety. But TEN. Yes, I like it. Why not?
“Sheez”? Don’t fret, it’s a gender thing, I think. We’re a tad sensitive to ratings on this side of the divide…
Ahh!.. yes, the inescapable “gender thing”, i’m eternally perplexed by it, & madly attracted to it…You wouldn’t happen to be a Libra Dragon by any chance? eg. a Libra born ’52, ’64, ’76?.. just asking!
You are very funny. Libra Dragon? No. But do tell what that means! I’m an Aquarian rat, like you …
Well, how ’bout that!.. an Aquarius Rat.. i’m well impressed!.. our perfect match is purported to be a Libra Dragon..& so it is.. i’m on the hunt.. anyone you know fits that description?.. 🙂 its late here in Oz, so i’ll bid you goodnight & check in tomo..
Ahhh.. another strange happening!.. the post i just made ended somewhere up above your recent posts!.. but at least i can now read your activity.. All good again in the world. 🙂
Oh!.. i’m sorry to’ve read the recent posts. Quite the sparring match! That doesn’t bode well for the longevity of this thread.. Pls play nice!.. But at the risk of any further fracturing, i am compelled to raise issue with what appears to be (as Fi put it) T’s provocative & (i might add), racial remarks about me & my nation.. (methinks you need to retract & make comment on that one, T).. Oh & for the record Fi, “i have absolutely no fucking idea regarding the limitless & unimaginable differences between our sexes (aside from the obvious, of course).. & as mentioned in one of my earlier posts “i’m totally perplexed by it, yet madly attracted to it”. Again, i implore you all to Please Play Nice!! 🙂
Fuck off. We’ve been here for years – this is par for the course.
Oh & Pls disregard my previous idea of exposing ourselves.. clearly, it was a bad one!!.. Have a great day/night.. its Saturday, 9:50am here & already a scorcher of a day.. expected to reach into the early 40’s.by mid-afternoon, sad to say, i think its gonna make it..
Ok.. that’s torn it.. No.. you Fuck Off, Fi.. you rude Cow!! NOW GOODBYE & GOOD RIDDANCE!! 😦
🙂 🙂 🙂 Touchy!
Yes you’re right. We’ve been here for years and you come in and tell us how to behave. But there’s nothing patronising about that.
Rude Cow? Correct. But you are gong to have to lump it because she is in my tribe. So why don’t you strat apologising now?
And please don’t play the racial card. It’s the ploy of the moron.
See T that’s what I think too 🙂 we may get on each other’s nerves, but we’ve been doing it for years and that’s our way. Nobody comes in and starts criticising us
I just feel sorry, I suppose. Why does someone behave like this? I mean it’s just sad. What unhappiness is he/she spreading? Who is it? Is he/she lonely? A mental illness? Or just a sad wanker?
Well I was a bit abrupt with him (after some wine) but I think he was a bit condescending swinging by and telling us how we should behave, and my response hurt his vanity. The same vanity that thought we should all look up pictures of him and tell him how attractive we thought he was while giving him the opportunity to rate our appearance on a scale of 1 to 10.
And there I was too pointing the bitchy finger – not a good night was it?
When I read the “Folklore” comments I thought they were completely crass. So don’t worry about it all.
I’m not sure whether to tell you this – you’ll only fire it back at me – but Miss Crewe either didn’t have a sense of humour or was so up herself feminist-wise early comments were sometimes deleted.
Like the one about how women caught driving in Saudi were lashed and how I thought the punishment ought to be introduced here.
I have often wondered why she redacted what I had said. Did she think I really meant it. Or, was simply making fun of women drivers a sin?
He’s a troll. I think he just wanted to see our mugs to decide if it was worth it continuing posting or not. And he believes in astrology, ahahahah.
Sometimes though its not clear when you’re joking and when you’re being serious. That’s why i use the yellow blobs. Maybe she thought you meant it?
You honestly think she thought I was serious?
Yes I do. I think that’s why people, especially Ethel, get offended by what you say – it’s not clear when you are joking.
Well Ethel was nuts. She needed help.
Goodness. You go to bed and everything seems sort of okay in the world. – well not really in the whole wide world, but you know what I mean – and wake up to find everything has been trashed. It feels a bit like a scene in a Western where the Saloon Bar is littered with smashed glasses and groaning bodies and spinning heads …
My reading is that Folklore was completely well meaning, 100% benign. He was genuinely shocked at our unruly behaviour. He loved the blog and its comments and feared for its early demise with such careering exchanges of hostility – probably not realising that this four year strand is actually part of a seven year venture, and certainly not realising that these displays of grumpiness far from being a threat are the only glue that seems to hold us together these days…
We’re a bit peculiar. Give the guy a chance.
And Folklore, if you’re still there. Fi didn’t really mean FUCK OFF! in quite the way you took it. Look at it as more of a literary “fuck off”. The language probably primed by your use of the F word in the preceding comment. It made me laugh out loud when I read it. And if you knew her, it would make you laugh too.
Fi is not a cow. She is splendid – clever, rational, wise, and engaged. And she also has infinite patience with TLover – Lord knows why – and is forever willing to forgive and move on.
TLover is a bit of a number. But he’s feeling emasculated and this brings out some odd, self-defeating behaviours. Usually this means spouting rubbish about women in the hope that it will get a rise out of us so that we will react to him in a way that makes him feel important again. He’s a bit territorial when another man hoves into view. He likes to chase them off, beating his chest and brandishing his war hammer. He did the same when a man from the Red Pill community came to taunt us a few years ago. Don’t take it personally, Folklore, he just seized the opportunity to make himself feel a proper man again…`(And, to be fair, when he’s not being a pain in the arse, he writes very well and very amusingly and sometimes even movingly).
There’s a view somewhere that all stories start with “A stranger walked into town..:” – and all end with order established once more….
More bollocks.
Zoe 😀 you missed all the fun. Don’t tell me you had a better offer on a Friday night than talking via a blog to a bunch of bitter singletons 😀
What’s a “war hammer”?
Almost forgotten Ironwood the porn actor.
What a creep.
Oh yes. Him. Remember that other Redpill guy who came here and started ranting about secondhand and used women but changed his attitude when he found out he had cancer and his wife was unfortunately going to become one of us? Just been diverted from the Times to google Mr Ian Ironwood and see what he’s up to now. I have to put my laptop down and make myself get out of bed.
Forgotten him full stop.
Until you mentioned him.
You OK this AM?
Sorry about the grief.
And I’ve just read a bit more of the Grayson Perry and want to throw up.
He doesn’t live in the real world he lives in a world in which women play rugby and men wear dresses.
A war hammer is a medieval weapon – befitting your pre-modern mentality, TLover 🙂
Different strokes for different folks. You need to expose yourself to different viewpoints even if you don’t agree with them, keep up with youth culture and move with the times T or you’ll end up mentally isolated on a island surrounded by a diminishing number of people that think like you, getting more and more out of step with the modern world, until you end up trotting down to the corner shop in a dressing gown tied with string and everyone pointing at you and calling you the mad old man of the village. Like they do with Nigel Farage. 😀
Get on Youtube (what’s that?), go on facebook (what?), watch comedy (not Mrs Brown’s Boys although you’d probably like it) on the iplayer (I don’t have a tv!).
I take it you two are rugby players and go out with men who wear dresses in public? And think people like me who think it’s comical are all barking?
Well, I’m sorry if that’s the case I’d better alter my thinking.
Quick,where’s YouTube. Ah I see where I’m going wrong, I should wear stockings as well as the dress.
Give me a break girls/boys. Didn’t Jezza Corbyn look a prat walking round with lipstick wearing Eddie Izzard?
Anyway, perhaps I am with Folklore after all. You two dressed as men arm in arm with cross dressed “blokes” . Put up the pictures and I’ll mark you out of ten.
Course Mrs Brown is a bloke.
Loathsome programme. Only joke I ever saw which made me giggle:
O’Carroll to Dr: what’s it like giving birth? Dr: much the same as conception. You’ll be in the same position. O’Carroll: with me feet out of the car windows?
Or Izzaard: I’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body.
Hi Zoe,
your debating skills here, are bordering on prowess!!:).. & on reading through your previous & subsequent posts, i find myself really enjoying the way you think it all through. Your goodwill & optimism are clearly evident. I would like to know more about you, & if you’ll agree, i wish to invite you to contact me at sidbarone@yahoo.com
You leave my Zoe alone, you dirty old perve.
I wouldn’t say that. I’d ask whether there are really no other women that he’s actually met anywhere on his own continent interested in him, and if not, why not.
Ian Ironwood. Yes! That was his name. I rather take my hat off to him -he’s still at it I see, and I always like people who are willing to grapple seriously with gender issues:
http://theredpillroom.blogspot.co.uk
hahahahahahaha
Having breakfast. Half watching telly.
Here come the Golden Globes. Those women dressed in black.
There are an awful lot of talented men in the arts. Gay men.
I was wondering how many of the women scriking about being harassed or not paid enough were lesbians.
Then they turned to Emma Watson for a comment. She was with a very butch looking black woman.
So I put “Emma Watson lesbian” into Google.
Just wondering.
Zoe – how can you say T has a “pre-modern mentality”? Why would you say that? 😀
Oh, it’s being repeated now but this time Watson has her arm round the masculine looking blackish woman. They’re walking along arms round one another. No wonder they have plenty to say about men giving their bums a tweak.
So, I gets in the car and up comes Radio 5. They’re discussing it on the bloody radio. Don’t the BBC know we are facing some dreadful problems and there is a cabinet shuffle today – massive importance to the county and they are banging on about the black dresses at the Globes – across the other side of the world.
Had enough of that. What’s on R4. Ah, You and Yours. Jeez. Now they’re talking about Carrie Gracie (spell?) and how she gets paid less than a couple of the men.
Off with that. News on in a minute. Here we go. Bloody hell they’re on about it again on the news.
Has Zoe let on what she does for a living? One big difference between me and thee, Fi, is you were a civil servant in the unreal world of political correctness. Where if someone accidentally knocks your paperclips off the desk you are allowed to have three months off with full pay. The stress. How could you cope? Only a gilt edged fat pension to look forward to.
My background is as an employer in a small way. My guess is I have more experience of the real world in which you are faced with a rainbow of types. My experience is that only a small proportion of women are in the slightest bit interested in what the Emma Watsons of this world have to say and believe it has all gone too far.
Nope. You’re saying that I’m out of touch with the real world because I was a civil servant, working in a PC environment. That’s not the case. I would say it’s you who are out of touch with the real world because I suspect you don’t spend time with female friends (other than partners or wives of your male friends if then), nor friends who are under 30 or even at a push 40, and you don’t keep up to date with popular culture.
Ãgree with T. Sick of all this pc bullshit, all the gay people being shoved down our throats as if they’re the norm and what’s usual and desirable is to be gay, If anyone dares to say any thing or utters even the mildest critique they’re heinously persecuted, sued and chased of the media. Heterosexual catholic white people (mostly men) being attacked on all fronts, but nobody dares say a word about other cultures, religions where women and gays haven’t any rights at all and are viciously killed on a daily basis .Here in Portugal 99% of all the tv hosts, comedians, etc, are gay. WTF??!! Aren’t there any normal, heterosexual ones? And don’t even get me started on the 166 genders bullshit…
“agree”, “anything”
Cheers Maria. The voice of reason. As usual.
well !!
Can I say I partly agree? I think heterosexual christian men do come off badly. And I agree about the 166 genders.
And that you can’t voice any objections without negative consequences.
But younger people do not think like us.
Well I’m younger than you.
No you aren’t.
Considerably younger.
Fuck what they think. Morons most of them.
No you aren’t. And if you are (which you aren’t) you look considerably older 🙂
Exactly, Maria.
I had to put up at my dining table on Christmas day with a man in his 50s whose smart phone kept going off. This app, that app he should have shoved his latest technology where the sun doesn’t shine. He was the stepson of a friend who was going to have her food at my place.
My daughter is 28 and works for a leading private school. She has a Facebook page.
Her Facebook page makes her look like a half bake – it is downright embarrasing.
Why, Fi, do you think that if I spent my life taking in this sort of under 30s rubbish I would start to think like you?
Have you seen Kirk Douglas at the Golden Globes? The poor man… I don’t wanna live to be that old…
Just looked – is he the one with the long black hair and in the revealing black dress?
Right. What happened to Catherine Zeta-Jones? She used to be so beautiful… talk about mutton dressed as lamb.
A bit podgy but still attractive, hang on where’s me glasses?
Nothing to do with Miss Jones but how about: mutton dressed as pig?
T – if you don’t want to end up a grumpy old man, on your own, then yes you do have to be friends with younger people. They keep you in touch with what’s happening. I mean why wouldn’t you be friends with younger people? They have a different outlook from old folk and keep you mentally young. But then I can’t explain it – you either get it or you don’t.
Maria – Yes – she is an example of what happens to a younger woman that hangs around with an older man. They just can’t behave like someone normal their own age. They dress like old women which is what she actually does, but dreadfully. She was so pretty when she was young too.
We must be talking about diffferent people. That’s dressing like an old woman? You could see her butt cheeks when she turned her back, for god’s sake. I think she’s holding on to her youth and sex-symbol status, not noticing they have both vanished a long time ago.
Eeeewww. Just had to google the pics. Normally she dresses like an old woman. Now she’s doing that Madonna thing of thinking that she should flash her bits to everyone and go skinny and sinewy to look sexy but just really looks dreadful. Someone like Helen Mirren still does the older sexy woman thing well.
Kirk Douglas was gorgeous when he was young
I prefer his son, Michael. Even now, I think he still looks good. Helen Mirren is way overrated, in my opinion.
overrated? why do you think that? As a person she’s annoying but i think she looks great
Well, I don’t think she’s that stylish, elegant, whatever… she looks ok after a few tweaks. I respect much more actresses like Maggie Smith or Judy Dench who assume their age and left their faces alone.
The local telly news tonight? Altrincham Grammar School for GIRLS has decided to use gender neutral language so as not to upset those (I wonder how many there are?) those sensitive (stop, can’t say girls) pupils who are unsure about their gender identity.
And Fi wants me to wear a baseball cap the wrong way round and getting talking to these youngsters (I hope I’m not arrested) with a view to not becoming grumpy and isolated in my old age. Fi recommends I find out about this new culture.
Maybe it’s different in Scotland. Only the Scots could vote for a Nationalist party lead by wee Jimmy Krankie.
Anyway on a lighter note I have a (very) gay friend who entertains me endlessly about gay internet dating.
Is it true? He says Pampas grass in the garden swingers inside:
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/shortcuts/2017/may/31/pampas-grass-secret-symbol-swingers-turn-off-sales-plummeting
Didn’t the Krankies plant it everywhere?
I gather from my friend gay dating is more sexually explicit and aggressive than the sort I’m used to.
Yesterday he told me he hadn’t got anywhere for a while but after Christmas it was like the local bus service. Waited for ages then three came along at once. His description: two were out of service and the third needed an MOT.
Adios.
Well you don’t have to go that far – just keep up to date with what is happening in the world of people younger than yourself.
Fi, I’m not in the slightest bit interested in keeping up to date with popular culture which amounts nowadays to dumbing down.
We (you and I) are very different people and have completely opposed points of view.
More than anything else I would like is a solid relationship with a woman – something to see me out ’till I die – without some of the hassle coming our way. For example, this persecution of men by PC women.
Will I be accused of being a fuddy duddy if I were to say modern popular culture is nowhere near as interesting as youth culture in the 60s and 70s together with the then revolution in poular music?
We are very different people. One of us harps back to the past and complains about how the world has changed for the worst. The other doesn’t.
Well, I’m in good company.
Global warming, pollution. The fact our kids are being crushed jobs wise by big companies, zero hours contracts. The world becoming hugely overpopulated and consequently overexploited. The exploding drugs problem.
Corbyn has clocked some of these problems. And another, the EU is making the mega rich richer but he has a shabby problem If he says so and says he is a Brexiteer he will decimate his youth vote.
Yes, the world is changing for the worse.
I assume from your pop at me you embrace these changes.
Frightening.
And. I was talking to a GF yesterday. We have both noticed how women are becoming more aggressive, for example on the road.
She (this GF) said she would rather have a row with a bloke than some of these monstrous women you increasingly see.
“I assume from your pop at me you embrace these changes.”
Yes that’s right. Because I don’t spend my time moaning and complaining and choose to look on the bright side of life I obviously approve of the exploding drugs problem and zero hours contracts. Because that’s logical thinking.
And you are inferring I do? I disagree but your interpretation is that I spend my time moaning.
Of course the the other feminist reaction to anyone who has the temerity to disagree is that he/she is a troll.
Is that one coming next?
You know you do nothing EXCEPT moan.
And when you aren’t moaning, you’re complaining.
Sometimes your complaints and criticisms are very funny though.
Like wot you are doing now you mean?
Anyway, don’t worry about it. Girls that moan turn me on.
You OK?
Wondered if the driving instruction had taken off and whether the cancer indicators were still low. Have you been assessed recently?
Driving is doing great thanks, as am I. It turns out I am quite good at teaching.
Bloody hell are you two still playing punch and judy. Will you please just get a room and get on with it.
Errr well sort of.
I am, apparently, pre-modern and, either way, expecting to be Mr Punch.
Fi thinks I should bring my life up to date. I think in her world she imagines I should be Judy.
How are you Sock Popper?
I am afraid I would stab him. 😀
Interesting you say that.
One: you don’t stab people with a rolling pin.
Two: have you heard all these women MPs hysterically complaining they have been abused and physically threatened? Nothing to get their aging faces on the telly of course
That daft tart Anna Soubry MP spouting on the box about complaining to the police she had received a letter suggesting she should be “hung drawn and quartered”. Do these women expect a rational human being to believe that was a death threat?
…. and thank you for your continued and reliable banter. It’s like returning to the fold looking for sanctuary and sympathy only to find that your rosey tinted memory of your family bearing some semblance to the kellogg’s representation is totally out of whack and instead it’s the far more endearing reality of faulty towers with emma thompson as sybil and a dry pithy combination of bill nighy/graham norton as basil who turn around and great you with a combination of at first mirth and derision and then pour you a pint of wine and collectively bitch at all that is woe with with world before you all fall asleep drunk in your chairs.
You are all great (… but who the hell is F-lore and where did he come from?)
Hello! Welcome back. We’ve been missing you! Come on in everything’s exactly as you left it.
Yes, a bunch of sad old bats and one downtrodden bloke trying to light the true path.
Fair enough me and Zoe, but Maria? Nope.
I love Maria.
maria is the woman for you
Who the hell are you calling a sad old bat, Fi? 😉
Love you too (both of you). 🙂
Come on, I’m as much a sad old bat as anyone else…
i know – i was joking!
TL I am GREAT, tho getting a bit bored with the real world. Just resigned as JP and now got head of bench ‘wanting a word’ – might put that one off for a bit
Forced to resign then? Popping socks in the retiring room?
Now Fi, they are reviewing “sitting on the dock of the bay” on Front Row at this very moment.
Here is a challenge from this pre-modernist to one modern youth culturist: name a piece of popular music written in the last ten years which can come anywhere near it.
Go on. the Telly Tubbies signature tune?
I’m just ignoring you because:
1. Best tune ever is a subjective thing and what I like you may not.
2. Even if I identified the best tune ever and you agreed, it doesn’t mean anything whatsoever.
3. I can’t be arsed because…it doesn’t matter. We will just agree to differ. I don’t care whether you agree with me or not and I’m certainly not going to try to persuade you. If you want to be always harping on about the good old days, looking for something to criticise and moan about and trying to find that black cloud rather than the silver lining that’s entirely up to you. I don’t understand it myself but we are both too old to think we can and should change. I’m happy and I’ll just continue as I am thanks.
I didn’t ask you to name “the best tune ever” just a better one from the last decade.
At last we seem to agree. Whether I live in a way you would not choose is entirely subjective so why don’t you stop putting me down?
I went to bed with another bellyful of the BBC – this time the coverage of those lovely cuddly seal pups being rescued off the south west. Aaaaaah. They have no natural predators and there are now far too many of them. See the damage the bloated population is doing in the North East.
Anyway, the Tories have woken up to the fact amongst the “young” who have attached themselves to Corbyn the environment is the number one issue. We are now being guided by the idiot Gove.
This is one bit of rotten fruit you threw at me this week:
“T or you’ll end up mentally isolated on a island surrounded by a diminishing number of people that think like you, getting more and more out of step with the modern world, until you end up trotting down to the corner shop in a dressing gown tied with string and everyone pointing at you and calling you the mad old man of the village. Like they do with Nigel Farage”
I deduce from that first you are one of these Scots remainers and two, you think young people are perhaps the people to talk to about the environment.
Well, here are one or two facts about this Farage wish you were you are deriding I would rather not tell you about save for the fact I think it’s you that needs to correct some fuzzy thinking;
Before Christmas I had a whole page article published in the local paper complaining about the management of the river and the damage done by intensive agriculture, and by anti-depressants and the contraceptive pill being flushed down the loo etc etc.
Here, I have planted a hundred plus trees.
I never send plastic to the tip. I have refused plastic carrier bags for years.
I have spent £6-£7,000 on insulation and a fortune lighting both homes by LEDs.
My little car is 20 years old and petrol and is very economical.
I only send empty tin cans to the tip.
I don’t flush chemicals down the drain.
99.999 (recurring) per cent of young people have no idea what I am talking about. I would rather be a sad old man, I would rather eat my own scrotum than do what you say.
Fortunately, the argument between us may be just what we need as a society. Did you see the Newsnight piece last night about the direction we are going as a society? Well crank up your iPlayer and watch it.
You are the most illogical man I’ve ever met. You add 2 + 2 and get 17.5.
Actually I’m neither a Remainer, nor do I particularly care about the environment although I do recycle to avoid getting into trouble with the council.
As a natural optimist I think everything will work out fine in relation to Brexit. As a critical thinker I fail to see how sending all our waste to China and then buying it back is an effective use of resources.
How do you crank up iPlayer?
But you have missed the point again.
You challenged me to mix more with young people with a view to avoiding the chance I will end up lonely and derided for being mad.
I am simply pointing out I am happy to do what I think is right and don’t need to mix with anyone, older or younger, to keep up to date with what’s going on around me.
If you think I will end up lonely – I’ll take my chance.
To be specific – where does keeping in touch with what some people younger than you think and including them in your social circle mean that you should have the same views as the amorphous mass ‘The Young’ on everything? I don’t want to become out of touch with society around me.
I also sort of think the friction between us is becoming boring and probably putting off some who might otherwise take part.
So, I’ll see if I can nail my hands to the table and stop commenting.
Keep going – I do enjoy reading some of the comments and hopping up and down. Better exercise than walking the dog.
I’m obviously missing your points. if you want to dismiss a huge proportion of the population because they’re younger than you that’s up to you. I can’t understand why you’re proud of that though.
Yeah I’m going away to do more interesting things – I’m bored of it too. I’m boring myself 🙂
Fred, you are a Silly Billy.
Fi, don’t do it…..
“I also sort of think the friction between us is becoming boring and probably putting off some who might otherwise take part.” – rubbish! You two are the most entertaining people on this blog and the ones who keep it going.
“So, I’ll see if I can nail my hands to the table and stop commenting.” – don’t you dare, T.
Not that it’s any of my business but I’m a brexiter. Wish Portugal would leave the fucking EU too. Sick and tired of their silly regulations and directives, And I’m totally against the coming of muslims to Portugal.
I just don’t want to put anyone else off least of all Fiona.
Well actually if I was truthful I want to say what I believe and if that is boring – tough.
My boy called this morning. He was at a midlands unversity with his wife and new daughter. My daughter in law is doing a part time post grad course and they were all together for the weekend.
They had been up since 5.00 and on the road for a couple of hours. The baby was wet through.
Here is another example of the modern way of thinking this time by the students union. The thought I would want to keep abreast of this nonsense other than to take the waz is beyond rational thought.
There was a gents, a ladies and a transgender toilet but nowhere to change a baby.
Fi, if I die grumpy and alone so be it. There will be a backlash against this nonsense.
I’d like to think there’s going to be a backlash certainly.
Hey Zoe, have you contacted Folklore yet?? Tell us about it.
Here I am again, according to Aunty Fiona, Mr Moaner and Groaner.
Well did you watch Room 101. That nice blonde woman debating super optimism versus pessimism?
I win.
No I didn’t – i would have been out socialising with my friends. I might give it a watch though on the iplayer.
I almost forgot- It’s 2018 now, so once a year I make my annual offer:
@ Ms. Crewe- If you want to, I am a male, I CAN get you started again, I’m willing to do so if you’re interested…..
(She didn’t seem to be terribly interested in meeting me back in 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016 or last year, so I strongly suspect that she probably won’t be terribly interested in pursuing meeting me this year either, but I figure that I’ll make the offer at the beginning of each year- there’s no harm in trying ….)
I’ll offer again in Jan. of 2019, that’s it for this year. I tried.
I actually do own a short sleeve t-shirt with a picture of a jellyfish on it. I think of you people, my fellow planktons and planktonnettes (“planktonesses?”) whenever I wear it.
And yes, I purchased it in 2012 when I was 40½ years young- officially a plankton once the first digit in our age is a “4” …
I want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband, i love him so much we have been married for 5 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France he meant a lady called Clara, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don’t know what to do until I met my friend Miss Florida and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr Mack who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 3days. Miss Florida ask me to contact Dr Mack. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by three days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After three day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr Mack on any problem in this world, he is very nice, here is his contact Email_____Dr_mack@(yahoo.) com….
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Dr Mack – sounds like the boy for me.
He’s not one of the dirty mack lot is he?
Anyway, to business. How much does he charge to make an ex wife contract really bad piles?
This has gotta’ be a scam, right?!..
RoseP, thank you so much. I’m sure that has put a smile on all our faces on this cold and snowy morning. 🙂
Hi Zoe.. how goes life in your neck of the woods?..
Alright, thank you Folklore. I am internet dating again. I have had three dates with someone I like. Another therapist. Helping me to get over the trauma of the last one :-). But we’ll see….
Glad to hear, Zoe.. 3 dates!, & you like him.. sounds promising.. best wishes, & trusting your future is rosey..
I’m beginning to think unlikely. They’re a bit batshit, I’m coming to the conclusion. Therapists. He seems to think that all the women in his life – now including me – are angry with him. He seems to agree that he should go into therapy about it. Is there no one normal out there any more? It’s an age thing, isn’t it?
You know what I’m going to say. Yes it’s an age thing. But also a therapist thing.
Maybe he either genuinely is pissing people off or he’s paranoid or he’s shutting down objections to his behaviour by making people feel unable to comment for fear of being seen as ‘angry’.
Or is there a reasonable explanation do you think?
As ever, you’re quite probably right, Fi. One of those options, no doubt. His take is that it stems from childhood – annoyed older sisters, disapproving mother etc. Your suggested possibility that “he’s shutting down objections to his behaviour by making people feel unable to comment for fear of being seen as ‘angry” is very interesting and acute. I wouldn’t have thought of it myself because he is such a gentle self-doubting and,I think, loving man (despite considerable professional success). But actually it certainly has suddenly made me feel that I wouldn’t be able to actually call him out or actually really even comment. This stuff came about following a conversation about the fact that he’s got four more internet dates to go. He’s come off the site but had set up quite a number of dates and is finishing them off. As we’ve been on three dates already and text a lot every day, it’s a bit weird, as obviously – certainly from my point of view – there’s a bit of a bond now. And I’m the only one he continues to see of the six or so dates he’s had so far. But I absolutely accept these additional dates, because I think it’s really important that he sees everyone he wanted to see. But I had been made to feel that I can’t talk about my own feelings about it because he takes that amiss and tells me that it feels like criticism (it isn’t) and he needs “warmth”. But the weirdest thing was when he pointed out all the texts about other stuff he perceived as angry. And they weren’t. At. All. I mean, not even a smidgen. It was the big issue with his last relationship apparently, which was very recent, so it’s probably just too soon. When the hell did dating get so hard? I’m beginning to think that we should really leave it to the 20 and 30 year olds….
That is a bit weird – if he finds someone that meets his needs more that you will he just ditch you? How do you feel about being evaluated against other women?
And this is a two way thing so how happy are you to be with someone who has effectively said that you’re good, but he’s not sure if you’re good enough and wonders if there’s anyone better out there that he can get? and anyway he doesn’t want to hear about how you feel about what’s happening because the key thing is, are you meeting his needs?
And can you really repress all your feelings and needs and not express them in case it upsets him and he perceives it as criticism? Or are you thinking that if only you could find the right way to express things so as not to make him feel criticised it will all be ok?
As Maya Angelou said “when people show you who they are the first time, believe them”. What you see now is who the man is.
And of course it’s so very, very, tiring trying to reassure and cheer up someone who is always looking for evidence of how they are being mistreated by everyone else.
Haha. Yes, but also, let’s hold our horses a bit …
My own view – like yours – is that if you want to give something a chance you have to shut down the other dates. That the process of “keeping your options open” is the same thing as saying “I think I might find someone I like more” which is incompatible with the process of exploring where a new relationship might go, involving as it does the construction of a particular relationship as “special” in some way. I told him exactly my views about this on the first meeting (he asked). And also told him I thought the cut off was about after 3 dates or so.
On the other hand, I came late to the party and he had already developed the conversations and agreed to meet the other women. He said he’d like to finish his four dates and see where things go. I could have asked him not to see those dates, but would only want him not to go on those dates if he felt that he wanted to close them down himself. Otherwise, it seemed the right thing that he knew all his options, because if we still seemed the best option after all that, then that would be a strong basis to start a relationship. It further seemed right because he had come out of a very long term relationship and had never really dated, and certainly never internet dated before, so it also seemed right that he be allowed – allow himself – to do that.
It seems to me that when you go on internet dates hoping that one of them will turn into a relationship, you’re always going to have to deal with that kind of tension – keeping options open, closing down your options – at some point and for a period of time. That’s inherent to the beast. He closed down his membership of the site after four weeks, so it’s a finite thing.
I don’t mind about being evaluated against other women, because I don’t see it like that. I think different people are right for different people, and we’re all trying to find someone who’s right for us. I’m doing the same thing, except I’d already met everyone on the site that I was potentially interested. Also, I’ve never been jealous of another woman – probably too confident by half that I’ve got something good to offer.
As long as you’re not sleeping with someone, I think you can handle this sort of thing.
As for the rest, well that’s all brand new today. And I’m getting my head around it. Yes, I am really troubled by it. As you are, Fi. Which in fact is why I came here to express it. It does make me fear for our compatibility. Which really dismays me, to be honest, as I really like him. But I’m naturally highly discursive and will always need to be able to call things as I see them. I think the right person for me would always have to accept that….
You’re doing the right thing watching to see what happens. Do keep us updated though?
Where is everyone, Fi? TL? Maria? Are we literally the only four left? And the occasional Antipodean?
I’m here! What are you up to? How’s things with your man? Your life?
Well work continues to be a crisis. Which is a form of mid-life crisis. And now it feels I’m due to have a crisis about whether it can even still be described as MID-life!
Man is still on the scene. We are taking things very slowly. As in, no sex yet. But he’s finished his dates and he’s not going on any more. We will see. There are potential roadblocks. We don’t even live in the same town. (Suddenly, I’m recalling June. Are you still there, June?). And it’s complicated. But isn’t it always?
If it does develop into something, it will almost entirely be down to something I changed in my own attitude. Old me would have finished this three times over by now. (As I suspect you would have too, Fi) But that’s al topic for another day …
How’s you and your life?
Ah well I’m a driving instructor now so I’m busy with pupils and I’m not doing much else to be honest I haven’t been to my yoga class for weeks and I’ve fallen so far behind with skipping my tap dancing I am going to have to join the beginner’s class again. I’ve been watching Youtube videos on housecleaning and one of my friends says I have become an embarrassment to her – she came round last week and caught me watching one on my laptop. However I am out tomorrow in town for a drink and again on Saturday so I still seem to have a little bit of a social life so I’m not doing too badly I suppose. Although Friday night’s outing is with a friend who is a geocacher (but despite that surprisingly normal) with her geocacher friends (definitely not normal). One of my friends has just moved house and has built a bar in her extension and will be having Friday night drink sessions where we will all gather and play games and drink gin so that’s good too. Everyone will be old obviously. I’ve tried to make sauerkraut and it’s bubbling away in my kitchen – but I’m not sure if I’ve actually made it or not as it might just be mouldy cabbage. I am trying to brace myself to eat it but not sure if I can. Oh and I’ve got a spa day on Friday with my daughter and her friend (mother’s day treat) which I’m quite looking forward to although to be honest I’m not really the sort of person who likes lying about having someone rubbing stuff into my face and it takes so long to prepare my wizened old body for public viewing anyway it puts me off doing it. That’s about it for me. Nothing exciting.
I wonder if TL has managed to sell his house yet?
OH yes – something exciting! The first three seasons of The Bridge are back on the iplayer so I’ve begin to watch them again.
Well, I’m enjoying the Easter school break, which, unfortunately is almost over. I fell on the cemetery three weeks ago and almost cracked my fucking ribs on the right side. The pain was almost unbearable, but I’m almost ok now. Besides that, same old, same old…
Honestly, your swearing makes me laugh.
Fi, that all sounds rather jolly. I wish one of my friends would hurry up and get a bar in their extension. I’ve always rather liked the idea of getting one of those cocktail cabinets you see in antiques shops, but never have. I see no internet dating on the list! I do believe it’s the only way one meets anyone – if you can still be arsed. The fact that P was always dead against it – and still is according to her articles – was always the fatal flaw in her partnering up plans.
And Maria – sorry to hear bout the fall! That sounds miserable.
And still no TL?
I agree about the internet dating thing – I think most people I know, of all ages, met their partner either that way or at work. I was chatting to a bloke on line for a while but he turned out to be deadly dull. I should really give it another shot but it’s the same sort of process as applying for a job in terms of time investment and research and tailoring your cv and going for interviews only to find out that the job isn’t what you thought it was going to be and it’s nothing like the job description and boring as hell. If I don’t want to end up on that shelf on my own I’d better get a move on and do something about it though.
I’m off to google to see what P has been up to and what she’s writing about now.
I actually feel a bit sorry for her. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything that she’s written which doesn’t have the message of how useless she is (eg my 80 year old mother still gives me money to pay my bills) or how hard it is to get a boyfriend. Surely to god there is more to her life that she could write about or have a viewpoint on?
Yeah, where’s T??
I really rather like him.
excellent! How’s it going now?
Ended up with this blasted iPhone which, was assured, would hook up to my PC at home. It doesn”t.
I don’t have a landline at home – don”t want one – and used to use my old ‘phone as a modem.
Stuck for the moment with this numb ‘phone.
Why am I going on?
Zoe, this internet dating you describe is alien to me.
If there is something odd dump them. Lovely girl. Entertaiming. Comes here for the weekend. Next she suggests her place but would I mind being on my own on Saturday? She’s got a party and her old boyfriend is picking her up.
Up yours.
And so on.
You’ll only be disappointed if you are messed about. Bin it and move on.
Sorry about any typos.
Thank you Fi and TL.
You are a bunch of old pessimists.
(TL more than Fi, of course).
Why do you think I’m going to be messed about, TL (over and above the chance we always take with matters of the heart)?
We like each other. It’s going well. We talk in the future tense and the first person plural.
But many a slip …
He lives in the same house as his ex-wife with a brace of kids in a different town. I have never had a relationship with a man where his children were a present factor. A friend of mine said, “You don’t know what you’re letting yourself in for”. She might be right.
But hey, right now we’re falling for each other. Yes, it might be a hard landing for either one of us, but I’m enjoying the feeling of weightlessness.
One thing though … the thing with the last guy I saw briefly – the therapist. Although I don’t even count it as a relationship, he had a major impact on my thinking. He labelled me “avoidant”, as in adult attachment theory – essentially saying that I set things up to avoid intimacy and connection. I knew nothing of this theory at the time and disputed his take when he raised it.
I have come however to see that there is much truth in this, and I now see the choices I have been making that sustain separation and maintain myself as single.
There’s a book – a popular book but based on empirical studies and therapy practice – “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love” by Heller and Levine. It was nothing short of eye-opening.
So now I’m making different choices. And if this new relationship doesn’t work, I will continue making different choices.
And TL, I have you down as avoidant too. This insistence “if there is something odd dump them” would be an example of your own pattern of avoidance. Your general grumpiness and irascibility and speed with which you label behaviour as beyond the pale. These are also ways you are choosing to keep yourself alone, because you find it safer to do so.
Hmmm. I’m not sure about the avoidant bit. While I’m sure there are some people like that, isn’t it just sensible to learn from your past mistakes? Isn’t it wise to note what they do rather than listen to what they say? As Maya Angelou said – when people show you who they are the first time, believe them.
While you shouldn’t bin someone for minor things – after all we all have our faults and failings – in T’s case if he has arranged to meet a woman who is going to a party with an ex rather than spending time with him it doesn’t bode well for where he will be in her list of priorities does it? And that goes for any guest actually – who would invite someone for the weekend and leave them sitting at home while they head out to a party with someone else? Either you wouldn’t go to the party, or you’d take your guest along too, or you wouldn’t invite them for that weekend.
And T – I can connect mine to my iPhone for wifi. Go back into the shop or live chat your internet provider for advice
Thanks, Fi. The work system uses a DOS accountancy package.
So, we have to use a 16 or 32 bit proccessor. And an older version of Windows. So I can work at home I have to adopt the same sofltware.
To connect I have to download an add on but how? I can’t hook up the b b iPhone.
I will have to cart the the PC into work and use the network.
Have you even got wifi? I bet not. 🙂
WiFi is a wireless system which connects by wireless your PC/Laptop/’Phone/Tablet to your internet service provider via a router – that flashing box you hide in a corner.
As I no longer have a landline and a cable service would be impossible I have nothing for a WiFi router to connect to.
I rely on mobile broadband until I get to work.
Fi, it’s about a much bigger and deeper picture than this. I am now persuaded of the real insights of adult attachment theory. And I started sceptical. It might not be relevant to everyone (and maybe not to you, as you have chosen to marry twice, but I have always sought to keep myself single, despite several proposals of marriage and a number of men who have declared themselves interested). But for me, it’s been Damascene.
Interesting! I don’t think it applies to me. Even though i don’t meet any men i fancy in my small Scottish town. I may need to go to the city to meet any who aren’t hugely overweight and are interesting.
Just fallen off my chair, laughing.
The BBC (who else?) is reporting the suggestion the first person on Mars should be a woman.
Quick the BBC. Mars is already populated by women.
Gets worse.
Woman I used to work with is in the throes of leaving her bloke – nothing to do with me I would lile to add – and she has been asking what I think.
Me: (I intended to say) are you any good at gardening?
Actually said: (this blank blank iPhone) are you amy good at hardening?
How embarrassing.
Coulda been worse- you could have inadvertently typed “larding” or perhaps “farting.”
T- somewhat comparable: I met a woman last night (05/18/18)- we exchanged email addresses. I tried to write to her today- I typed an email, I tried to send it, my computer kept timing out and it kept appearing in my outbox as “not sent,” so I tried to send it to her again. Then all of a sudden, the email went through to her 3 times. I think that I may have weirded her out already- and all due to a slow modem/ router : (
T- you do know that you have the option to turn off the auto correct feature on your phone, right?
On 01/28/2014, Ms. Crewe had written, “I am not depressed, although there is plenty out there that is profoundly depressing, quite apart from the situation in Syria and the obesity crisis and everything in between. They go without saying.”
Who would have thought that 4¼ years later, the situation in Syria would still be getting even worse?
It’s not worse, Isis was defeated.
Does this look like a situation which has been resolved to you?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syrian_Civil_War
I didn’t say it was resolved, I said it isn’t worse.
For us: http://www.bbc.com/news/stories-44143003
It’s that time of year again when I wonder how everyone is. And start to fantasise about lurid 70s drinks with Fi. How are you all? Happy Xmas. Assuming there’s anyone left …
Hi. Funny that as I was wondering the same. Things have changed in the last year – I failed my test to be a driving instructor so I’m working at the moment in a call centre flogging mobile phones. I honestly had no idea what a hard job it is but I’ll be going back to the driving in a couple of months and I have to start again at the very beginning. Other than that I’ve been spending time with family and friends and maybe I’m older and wiser but it turns out I like my siblings! Who would have thought that 10 years ago? Not me. I’m sorry to say that other than my job and the people I spend time with changing, everything else is pretty much the same. I am trying to stop drinking booze as apparently what’s her name from that itv morning programme gave up for 3 months and lost 2 stone. Today is day 2 for me and I am hoping it gets easier and I break the habit of drinking wine every night. Obviously though I’ll suspend my teetotalling for my Christmas snowballs. 🍹🍹. How are things with you Zoe? And anyone else who is around?
Oh my goodness, Fi. I think we’re the only ones left! Very glad to hear we’re still good for the Advocaat and champagne snowballs. And glad to hear you’re rocking those family rapprochements. Much the same. this end. Turned out that TLover was right,after all, on the last person I was dating. TL said something like, “if there’s something odd at the beginning, can it.” And I was very dismissive of such a premature and pessimistic judgment. Everyone deserves a chance, right? Long story short. He turned out to have multiple personality disorder. I got to know one of his personalities – who I liked a lot and seemed to like me a lot – but it got a little bit complicated with the other ones… I oversimplify. (They don’t even call it MPD anymore, it’s DID). But hey…! Did you do any more internet dating, Fi? I wonder what’s happened to P?
Had a long spell of cutting back the hooch. Took nothing Monday to Thursday. At a bottle a night (plonk) the saving alone was £1,000.00 a year and the weight fell away. My boy took to saying I was skinny.
Had to see my G.P. about hypertension. Says he to me: how much do you drink? Says me to him: nothing Monday to Thursday. G.P. : That’s good. Me: but I drink Monday to Thursday’s on Friday, Saturday, Sunday. G.P. : you’re a binge drinker.
Next trip to doc’s, saw a different quack. Same routine. Same answer. Doc two: that’s fine – Doc two must have drunk more than I did.
But Aunty Fi you are looking at drink the wrong way. It damages your liver. It is carcinogenic. It disrupts your sleep. More difficult to get a hard on. It costs. It stops you reading at night. Etc. And you will soon work out you don’t particularly like it – it’s just a habit.
And remember Zoe, it’s not always the other half’s fault. I have a split personality. Apparently. One of which is a grump. Apparently. Well which tired, stressed bloke isn’t grumpy when constantly nagged?
Happy Christmas – good New Year. See you in twelve months.
Merry Christmas and a Happy 2019, everyone!!
Merry Christmas to everyone and a happy new year. Wonder what 2019 will bring? Changes and new things I hope.
Zoe – so are you single just now and have you given up looking?
T – Have you moved to Coldstream and sold your house?
Maria – still working with the badly behaved children and dodging your boss and his wandering hands/eyes?
Hi,Fi! Still working with children, unfortunately, Two months ago I was insulted and called every name under the sun by one of the obnoxious brats. Went to the police, to my union, to the children’s protection services, wrote a letter to the attorney general (not sure if this is what you call it), no one did a damn thing about it. Apparently the fucking buggers can do whatever they want and you have to put up with it. The case is now in my lawyer’s hands, but she already told me there’s not much she can do about it. My boss’s husband is going to retire this year, no wandering hands from him or I’d kick him in the nuts. Meanwhile, in summer I nearly died from septicemia, when a kidney stone ruptured one of my kidneys. I’m ok now. Unfortunately, I think 2019 will be the same shit, except for the fact that I’ll be even older and more depressed.
Feminism ripped women off and sold them lies.
Women have been sold the feminist lie that guys are sexually attracted to women with males traits of independence and strength. Guys are no more attracted to that than women are attracted to men who are feminine.
Women need to read the MGTOW thread on reddit and hear about things from men’s perspective. Not all the points there are agreed to by all men obviously but there are universal and common themes that can really help women.
Women need to de-program themselves or they will continue to see results in reality that don’t align with what feminism has told them about men.
I think I sympathise with men to an extent that it is harder for them to find a role, particularly older men as younger men don’t seem to have a problem. But the ones who don’t fit in, like the MGTOWS, well they just appear to have a problem relating to any women at all.
It’s a new year now. I make this offer once per year… …..
@ Ms. Crewe- I am still willing to assist you here, getting you started again …. …..
I’d briefly temporarily lost my status as a plankton recently, but that seems to have fizzled out at the moment. I’m officially a plankton once again.
Sustain the excellent work and delivering in the group!
Yep, I hear ya. I know a couple of women like that with adoring partners. Boils my piss. Actually changed my online dating bio to ‘Difficult pain in the arse as you twats seem to like that shit🙄’. Funnily enough, no bites??!! Fck them.
Lonely and fed up.
Oh no! Where are you? Have you moved now?
Oh Fi,
Do I feel sorry for myself?
In March I had three strokes. The MRI scan says strokes. Off the road for three months.
Been seeing the blond woman on and off (off for as long as six months at a time) for around seven years.
In June she is in the kitchen and falls over the dog. Breaks her tibia and fibula and dislocates her ankle. It is academic because we have split again but she is only just out of a wheelchair.
In July (or was it August) we have a row (because she was being a complete cow) and she gets taxied down to London from Coldstream – a theatrical, OTT departure.
I have since had three more strokes including one that resulted in my arm “going”.
So, off the road again when: I have sold the house (no contracts yet but the buyers have suggested a completion on the 4th of October), I am trying to pack up a house and move to Coldstream, the office has still not been cleared and I can’t drive AND I am frightened about my health – marred.
On the (further) downside I have looked south to Combs Moss and north to Southead for thirty plus years. I am going to miss the place. And the (further, further) downside over time I have realised that not all the new neighbours are nice or interesting. And, I am moving 225 miles from my Son who is a good lad.
That’s it.
And after me, me, me how about you?
Sorry T – I missed your reply! That doesn’t sound too good. The Strokes, the girlfriend, the taxi down to London (I hope you didn’t pay the bill). On the plus side NHS care in Scotland is far superior to that in England (because we get extra handouts from the UK Govt and can afford it) and at least you’ve sold your house. Hopefully, as its now past the 4 October, everything has gone according to plan? Let us know. I’m going to put a little update on what I’m doing after Zoe’s post. Pay someone to clear your office? YOu’ve been procrasting about doing that for how long?? 🙂
T, so sorry to hear about your health mishaps, hope you’re feeling better now. People can recover quite well from strokes nowadays, I know quite a few who recovered completely and returned to their old selves. I wouldn’t drink though, if i were you.
Fi, where are
Well. Nothing exciting is happening to me really. After I failed my final driving instructor exam I decided to take a break and do something else and began working at a local call centre flogging mobile phones. It quickly became one of the worst jobs I’ve ever had and is exactly as you read about – timed toilet breaks etc etc. I did that for 6 months or so then went on an internal team looking at improving business processes which kept me there for another 6 months and thenI left as I thought either I would go insane and kill mysellf or someone else. So I’m looking for other jobs but I have now got this idea that what I really want to do is work hard for a year and save up then buy a camper van and go off travelling using my civil service pension to fund the journey and let my son and his girlfriend live in my house and keep an eye on it. That’s my current plan anyway. After a civil service career of 20+ years I’ve got very reckless the older I get and sometimes I wonder where I’m going to end up. I’m off to spend this weekend at the Callender Jazz and blues festival with a friend where I expect to drink beer and be surrounded by middle aged men in leathers. As usual though I expect I will continue in my spinsterhood. How are YOU??
Fi, sorry to hear you didn’t pass the final exam.
My completetion is almost now fixed for the 25th/10. Exchanging contracts tomorrow, fingers crossed.
Going to finish the Coldstream house when the dosh arrives. Other fingers crossed.
I’m there this weekend – I now have a spare bed – if you want to catch up on Saturday.
I’m in the ambulance having lost the use of my arm. I can’t touch the end of my nose. it keeps hitting my ear.
So I says to the paramedic is this the end of my drinking? No says he, as long as you don’t get sloshed. I like that medical advice.
Next day I am being examined by an Iraqi lady doctor, a Muslim. Very nice. Can I have a drink? Certainly not was the answer.
Problem is: she was probably right.
I mean my finger keeps hitting my ear not my nose….
How are you now? Pay someone or ask your son to help you clear out your office and pack.
I am away all weekend at the music festival then I’m down to Dorking then Rome, but maybe later on in the year I’ll come visit.
I’ve a friend who had a stroke and he still drinks, but it’s probably not wise of him.
After all this time, P’s blog is still being referenced;
The Guardian
Feminist economics Marriage
Am I plankton? Why older women feel they’re at the bottom of the food chain
Fi,
Fi, Tlover, Maria. Are you bearing up under lockdown? This is most definitely NOT the time to be a single household….
Hello! How are you? How lovely to hear from you. I hope everyone else responds too. 😁 I’m fine – initially it was hard but I’m loving it. I am working from home although I wish I was furloughed as the weather is lovely. To be honest though I’m one of those that have been meeting up with family although maintaining social distancing and that’s been fantastic. I’ve not seen friends and not really missed them ( although I’ve chatted with a couple of really old friends on the phone) but I’m surprised how much I’ve loved being with my family. My son and I have been visiting my parents and tending my dad’s vegetable patch as he’s not really able for it anymore and that’s been a great bonding experience for all of us – him passing his knowledge on, my son and I doing the digging and planting and it’s given my parents a new lease of life as they’ve been stuck indoors but now come out and chat from the other side of the garden. I’ve not been going out and so I’ve spent my time catching up on jobs round the house and doing things in my garden which I’ve loved as it’s really nice to sit in. Because I’ve had more time I’ve been walking and doing arm exercises every day so I feel as though my aged and decrepit body is getting stronger and I like that feeling. I am enjoying the simplicity of my life actually. I would find it really hard if I literally saw nobody but as I said I’ve been meeting family for the last few weeks so it’s ok. Oh and I bought a romahome c15 campervan at the start of the year so although it’s off road at the moment I am spending time decorating it with crap and planning my holiday in July where fingers crossed the campsites are open again because if so I’m going away with my sister and cousin who have their own vans too and we plan to sit around a campfire in the Lake District. What about you? How are you finding it?
I’ve been social isolating for 7 weeks before meeting up in a socially distanced way with family who have also been social isolating for 7 weeks. I think we are ok. We are not killing anyone.
Fi, I’ve been finding it a torture! I try to stay connected – do a film group, two book groups and the pub quiz on Zoom, and have taken up online yoga, while working my way through Ottolenghi – but basically have been living a hermetically-sealed bubble life, where everyone feels notional rather than real. My industry has shut down, and I’ve had zero income for months. But delighted now I’m no longer banned from meeting people, as it’s really felt that single households were not being take into account at all by policy. It’s been a revelation how much I depend on urban pleasures – cafes, galleries, restaurants, theatre, cafes, cafes and cafes – to make me feel human and engaged and connected. Sounds like you’ve been having much richer, more grounded, more human time of it. Is TLover okay? He rather ominously disappeared in the midst of talking about his serious health issues. Give us a wave TL! Great to hear your news FI.
Hello, Fi! So nice to know you’re doing so well. I wish my parents were alive and I still lived in my old house and could tend my backyard. I miss it really bad…
Hi, Zoe! So nice to hear from you. I’m doing fine. I’m not alone, I live with my divorced brother and his smelly feet, yuck!! He hasn’t stopped working since the outbreak of the pandemic and he deals with a lot of people, so I’m just waiting for the day he gets covid and infects me. Can’t say I’m that scared, I got vaccinated against TB at a very young age and some people say it protects you. So, let’s hope that’s true.
It looks like we’re the only ones, Fi. I looked up this blog a few days ago. (How lively a blog it would have been had Coronavirus struck in its heyday!). But it was nowhere to be found.. I assumed that P had finally mothballed it. And why not as it has been dead for so long. But I did have a little pang that all connections were permanently severed. So before the lights go out for good: Brunhilde10[at]outlook[dot]com
Hi you two!.. glad to receive email notice of some activity & good to know you two are still around! 🙂
We are. And Zoe, I’ve got your email and will message. 👍🏻
What about you though? How are you filling your time?
And Sid- nice to have you join us
You’re right. I’ve also checked the blog some time ago and it had disappered from google. So glad it’s back.
Fi, was that directed at me? Filling my time? Did you get my message from May 30 in response to yours? I can go on, but it might get tedious! I tried running, now the gym doors are shut . But alas I am not a natural runner. I got to jogging for 7 minutes at which point it would slow to a crawl i.e. walk. And soon I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed to put on my running shoes. But this morning, prompted by a piece in the guardian, I downloaded From Couch potato to 5K, and got started. I have hope.
Sorry I must have missed your other reply. Just gone in now and read it. 😁. I can’t bear running. What’s the point? Bad for your knees, your face, your chest, and it’s an unpleasant activity. I just do a selection of YouTube walking videos and weighted arm exercises. To music. That way I don’t get too bored. And I have to do it first thing because if I leave it I don’t do anything. Sorry about you not working – any idea when you’re back? That must be a bit of a worry. And t lover – I’m wondering that too. He wasn’t well was he?
I was wondering about knees. I’m beginning to worry about that kind of thing now, ancient as I am. Sad to recall that when this blog started, I felt a mere stripling. Is there good evidence for that, the knees thing? Even for gentle barely-post-potato kind of jogging? It is unpleasant, I grant. I had a short thing with someone a couple of years ago, who was 49. He would do a 5K run 2-3 times a week, and he had the body of a man in his mid-20s. I was really struck by that. So this is my bid to get the same. But now you tell me it’s going to do may chest in as well?! (Did you know that is called an” interrobang”?! one of the bits of trivia that’s been doing the rounds in lockdown)
As for T’s health, aren’t you in proper contact with TLover – email at least – would be good to know if he’s okay.
Yes, Zoe.. i was/am Folklore, & when prompted to provide my email add to ‘post comment’ it auto populated my name, so i just left it as is…
Foklore is my artist name at free music site Soundcloud. If interested, you can hear my songs at this link
unable to hyperlink it… i just checked if it opens ok, & because Soundcloud is in solidarity with the current Black Lives protests in the US, you may initially arrive at their protest page, but just click on the cross at the top right corner & it will open my songs page…
it’s comforting to know that amidst the global turmoil, you guys are well & keeping the dream alive. Big cheers from downunder!
Ps. Ditto, is TLover ok?
I’m not in contact with him. I’ve looked through my emails but the only address I had for him was Planktonmail@gmail.com which he won’t be using now as that was 3 years ago. I know Maria was in touch with him though and I’ve got her 2 email addresses so I’ve emailed her at both to ask her to come join us and whether she knows anything about how he is.
PlanktonMALE 🙂
I don’t run either but I take long walks and I love it. Where’s T?
Hello Maria! Good to hear from you and glad you’re well and still in calling range. It’s a bit like those old films where you can reassemble an entire gang of ex-cons by sending out a pre-arranged signal. I think you’re the one who is designated to bring back T. He’ll be the Newman character, drunk and bad tempered in the bathtub and reluctant to be disturbed. I’m not sure what the heist is this time…. Our sympathies on your brother’s feet. Were they listed in the divorce papers?
I think we should stay in touch not we have picked up where we left off. If everyone’s up for that of course.
I have Tlovers old phone number if anyone wants to give it a call and see if he answers.
Hi, Zoe! I’m hardly movie material and T, even though I love him, looks nothing like Newman. Now, that was a man, how lucky was that Joanne Woodward?? I wouldn’t mind T being drunk and bad tempered – his usual self – as long as he was ok… as I said Fi I have no idea, since I haven’t heard from him in a very long time and I’ve deleted his email. I thought I was never going to talk to him again or any of you, for that matter…
My brother’s feet weren’t listed in his divorce papers, he has other, hum…, noteworthy features, if you know what I mean. 😉
Fi, have you tried calling him? It will cost me a bucket load of money to call him from Portugal…
What we should do is meet in person, now that would be a memorable event…
Hello Sid. Did you go buy another name before, Sid? Tell us your news.
by*
Hello folklore, Welcome Back.
i’ve sent him a text and it’s been delivered, so if it is him hopefully he will respond
Still here.
Every now and then I look to see if new comments have been added (they hadn’t) and have completely missed the lockdown itch – the urge to get in touch.
A bit of a story. I last saw “her” in October. In February/March (I’m losing track) she was pushing to get back together and before the bug struck said she could come up.
Then we were locked down. Every time I got to the point of either throwing her out or killing her I am told she can’t go back to London because we are locked down.
Tonight, you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. I have been trying to do a job in the house which has gone on and on. And she was driving me bonkers about this woman she imagines I have been seeing behind her back. I was just bubbling under boiling.
Then the ‘phone pings. A text. Who’s that? Who the hell is Maria? Zoe?
Result? The dog hid under the bed and she is going to spend the night at a friend’s house.
Tonight? Sweet peace I hope. I pray. She has been angling to get married. I would eat my nuts first.
Glad to see you lot are OK.
Hello, T! So glad to hear about you. How are you doing, fully recovered?? We’ve all been worried sick about you… Have you sold your house yet? Sorry to hear you’ve quarreled with your girlfriend over us; I’m sure she’ll get over it in the morning… Go ahead and marry her, life is too short as you very well know… Glad you’re back at the blog…
Oh, Maria it’s nice to hear from you too.
I had these strokes in March and September. Little ones. They stopped me driving.
Cause? Unknown which is a bit of a medical disappointment. The front line medical staff are brill but once you get into the follow up system the admin is useless.
I sold the house in the Peak District just in time – the market has now crashed. I moved to the Borders.
I haven’t seen my boy. I only go out to walk the dog and buy food. I stopped the builders so I now have a part built annex. But lots of people round and about give two fingers to the bug.
On VE day about twelve people had a BBQ in the Square, music the lot. It started at lunchtime and ended at midnight.
Her. I don’t understand how a bright woman (her) can be so thick. Married? You ought to be on the stage.
Changed your mind yet? Hop on a plane to Edinburgh.
Married? Don’t do it. I did it once. Got shafted properly. Never again. # I’mReallyNotOneOfThoseBlokesWhoAreUtterShits
Hahahahaha haha
Good to hear you’re ok
Well if you insist on being with a mad woman, I hope that now you’re back you’re going to entertain us again with some more stories about your relationship problems. In fact I think I’m going to have to look back through these pages and re-read your earlier stories because they did used to make me laugh.
Ah! We can all breathe easy. Everyone’s lives are in exactly the same state as they were two years ago. No one’s moved on. But no one’s dead. Happy days.
Living life to the full. And nobody’s dead. Yet. 😂🤣
Over 10 years and no new blog post. I found this blog quite insightful. Shame…